Sound of heads exploding like the peal of Biblical thunder

It was only a matter of time.

This week, researchers at the University of Cambridge in Britain and the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel made the startling announcement that male same-sex couples may soon be able to have biological children of their own.

This is great.

Using these embryonic stem cells, the scientists were able to create primordial germ cells (PGCs), which can then go on to become eggs and sperm (because of the lack of the Y chromosome in females, the study limits this possibility to two males thus far). While the process has yet to create mature eggs and sperm, Dr. Joseph Hanna of the Weizmann institute says he is “optimistic,” and that same-sex biological parents could be a reality as soon as 2017.

I’m not currently in the mood to hear any arguments about the ethics of any such startling breakthrough. Right now I can’t get enough of the idea of Adam and Steve bringing home the first same-sex Homo sapiens. Hey look everybody it’s twin boys – congratulations! – appropriately named ‘Elton’ and ‘John.’ The conservative press and all the TV preachers of course go on bleating about walking abominations and the spit we lodged in Jesus’ eye, but Elton eventually grows up to be an All-Pro NFL linebacker. And John turns into a raging smash success Broadway choreographer, swishing across the Great White Way to a hail of wild acclaim, not to mention faaabulous flower bouquets, and the shameless chucking of G-strings. Please my Gay Allah, for once let me have my way…