Ben Carson is not ready for primetime

The wingnut select committee for Shining Up Cruddy Presidential Candidates keeps a spacious oak-paneled room at the National Review. And the high-salary flacks spend plenty of their time and energy there. But occasionally, while the Goldbergs and the Lowrys are painstakingly finishing off a Cruz or a Fiorina in high-gloss greasepaint and grey eminince, some poor fool walks by and pops his head in. And he wonders ‘huh’? And then he reaches in to flick the switch, the house lights come on and the view isn’t very pretty.

What do you consider to be their tap root? What is the origin of their rage in your view?

Like when somebody asks Ben Carson about Al Qaeda.

First of all you have to recognize they go back thousands and thousands of years. Really back to the battle between Jacob and Esau.

They go back thousands of years, before Islam. Huh? Well if you simply have to be stupid, you might as well be Christian about it. Re-casting terrorism in Biblical terms will certainly make the holyrollers even more willing to jump into the Middle East and die for your cause. Remembering how the parable – sorry, the cinema vérité – recounts Jacob conning Esau out of his birthright and laying claim to Isaac’s cash and sheep, the cause has a familiar name and address.

Genesis 35:10

God said to him, “Your name is Jacob, but you will no longer be called Jacob; your name will be Israel.” So he named him Israel.

Ben no doubt figures Arabs are always pissed off and penniless because of God and old stupid Esau. Then again, maybe it was because E had a little thing for the Hittite ladies. Against a backdrop of our post-modern mores, that’s like Pat Buchanan going swing dancing with the Negresses downtown.

But it has been a LAND issue for a very long period of time. POSSESSION is very important to them.

I haven’t noticed Al Qaeda putting down any roots. Haven’t seen them building any roads or aqueducts, or a Versailles in the wilds of Yemen. They look more like a bunch of mangy cavedwellers, sneaking around and trying to blow up your natural gas facilities. Like a bunch of terrorists.

…they’re creating an Islamic state. And we can bomb it all we want but unless we actually can take the land back we’re not really doing them any damage.

And the Islamic states already in existence? How much longer must we tolerate them? This is your last warning, Oman. Don’t think we haven’t noticed, Qatar. How much longer will Saudi Arabia be allowed to thumb its nose at us? Or continue to pray toward Mecca?

…our biggest enemies are the group motivated by, that have sprung out of the Sunni radicals. That would be ISIS. And you know, there are a number of sponsored terrorist groups that emanate from the Shiia, which are based primarily in Iran. … But in the long run, I think they would gladly unite against us in their attempt to destroy the United States, our way of life, and Israel.

I don’t think a Republican sex dream gets any wetter than that. Two Muslim factions that have been butchering each other for centuries, they’re going to kiss and make up over the prospect of raiding Vermont. This is altogether likely. Texas and Oklahoma please debate this topic for my edification while I take cover.

Hewitt bonus: Wingnut calendar pinup/night terror Vlade Putin.

The Baltic states are very nervous, and we have troops in the Baltic states. …should we have that sort of commitment, that if Putin makes a move on the Baltic states, we’d go to war?

Send the Marines to Northern Europe. Ben?

Well, if we have them involved in NATO. We need to convince them to get involved in NATO and strengthen NATO.

Estonia: NATO member since 2004. And I’d just bought Ben a Foreign Policy For Dummies, shoot. As Hewitt nears the end of the interview, he admits to being nervous about the candidate because, well, idiot. Hugh predicts that he’s going to get the Sarah Palin treatment. Ben:

…we spend too much time trying to get into these little details that are easily within the purview of the experts that you have available to you… I could spend, you know, the next six years learning all the details of all the SALT treaties and every other treaty that’s ever been done and completely miss the boat.

When I offer to put the Baltic NATO states into NATO, you should look at that in a “Big Picture” way. As in: My administration is trying to do something nice here. Then you get what I mean.