Please take my hand, bomb Iran

You Never Take My Warheads Anywhere…

Of all the midwiving of cows in the wake of Obama’s negotiating with/hand-jobbing Iran this one takes the cake:

Barack Obama is for the 300 million souls of the United States what Andreas Lubitz was for the 150 souls on the German Wings flight – a deranged pilot flying his entire nation into the rocks.

300 million souls dashed upon the rocks of, um, America. I oughta be shit-scared but I’m just not there.

After the fact, among the smoldering remains of American cities, the shocked survivors will ask, why did he do it?

They won’t ask “WHAT THE HELL?” No they’ll ask “He just let them fire a million missiles at us? Oh, why?” Madame du Bovine Orbs has a firm grasp on human behavior, if hands can be likened to slithery seaweed. Why Iran would skip right past the local nuclear power Israel and attack the global nuclear power America is a headscratcher. And who knew they had so many satellite-guided transcontinental lasersharks? Don’t look at me, I’m going beer drinking.

This Free Beacon critique is salted with a little less Armageddon and a little more treason:

Benghazi, Bergdahl, and the Bomb

The title alone is pretty good. John Boehner could scrawl it on an impeachment indictment and get back to his broom closet in time for happy hour.

Column: President Obama’s stories haven’t held up before. How is the Iran deal any different?

That part is killer. This nuclear proliferation treaty is just another one of the president’s tales oh, of course it is. John Kerry regaled the Iranians with a few of Barack’s golf stories, then followed that up with a long run of his basketball yarns. But it wasn’t until the eleventh hour when they heard about the dead seal on the beach that they caved. “The president looked down and poked it with a stick, and then the flies began buzzing everywhere…” That’s when the head of Iran’s emerging technologies sector went “OOOOOH” and it was all over. This is not an accomplishment to be sneezed at, frankly, given these people are familiar with all Thousand and One Arabian Nights.

Anyway, to the point:

…was attacked on September 11, 2012. Four Americans were killed, including our ambassador. Obama delivered remarks on the attack in the Rose Garden the following day. “No acts of terror will ever shake the resolve of this great nation,” he said. What he didn’t say was that the killings in Benghazi specifically were a “terrorist attack” or “terrorism.”

See how that works? You are quite seriously to take the argument that if Obama had previously said not “acts of terror” but “terrorist attack” the discerning skeptic would be put at ease and welcome this compact. Or if the president had said not “Bowe Bergdahl is the handsomest patriot ever and I mean to have his assbabies” but “We will court-martial this soldier for desertion and misbehavior before the enemy and sentence him to life in prison” then any treaty would be reasonable and fine. You talk about your handjobs, sheesh.