Fox News goes Stephen Hawking on us

Roger Ailes brings you techno-journamalism.

An analysis of social media traffic in downtown Baltimore Monday has unearthed striking connections to the protests in Ferguson, Mo. last year, according to a leading data mining firm that shared its findings exclusively with Fox News.

Roger told the day-janitor to unbox the Hadron collider he just got from Amazon and hook it up to the Twitter machine. Voilà:

The firm, which asked to remain anonymous because of its government work, found between 20 and 50 social media accounts in Baltimore that were also tied to the peak period of violence in Ferguson.

Feel free to do your own social matrix media crypto-analysis:

You see the terrible problem. If not, read on.

While further analysis is being conducted on the data, it suggests the presence of “professional protesters” or anarchists taking advantage of Freddie Gray’s death to incite more violence.

Michael Brown was killed back then, in Ferguson. Freddie Gray was killed just now, in Maryland. What reason would anyone have to tweet about both? Gotcha thugs! Those geniuses at Fox News are quick to connect all the dots, even while they’re staring at the sun.

In his remarks to the Republican Jewish Coalition’s annual meeting in Las Vegas, [George W.] Bush reportedly said, “Just remember the guy who slit Danny Pearl’s throat is in Gitmo, and now they’re doing it on TV.”

‘Outnumbered’ guest host Stacey Dash tsk-tsks this world, then points out:

“When George W. Bush was president, the most important thing to him was not to be liked, but to be respected,” she said. “And you better believe no one would have been beheaded when he was president.”

Try to find the connection between what happened to Daniel Pearl and what Stacey Dash is saying.