Republicans are some effed-up horndouches

…with a nod to Orin Kerr.

If I understand this correctly, President Clinton was impeached in 1998 for lying about a sexual affair he had with Monica Lewinsky. And the return-to-morals impeachment campaign in Congress was led by Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, who was having an affair with his personal aide Callista Bisek.

“I said to him, ‘Newt, we’ve been married a long time,’ and he said, ‘Yes, but you want me all to yourself. Callista doesn’t care what I do,'” Marianne Gingrich said in the clip released by ABC, describing the couple’s conversation near the end of their 18-year marriage…

“Oh, he was asking to have an open marriage and I refused,” she said.

Congressman Bob Livingston was tapped to replace the wayward Gingrich. But two days after the nomination Bob resigned because he’d been cheating on his wife.

Hours before Mr. Clinton was impeached for his efforts to cover up his affair with Ms. Lewinsky, Mr. Livingston, who had been chosen to succeed Mr. Gingrich, shocked the House by announcing he would leave Congress because of revelations of his own adulterous affairs…

Still, it was Mr. Livingston today who called for Mr. Clinton’s resignation from the House floor.

Ultimately Newt was replaced by Congressman Dennis Hastert. Denny just got indicted for banking violations resulting from a scheme to pay off a victim of his child molestation.

Hastert was a teacher and wrestling coach in Yorkville, Illinois between 1965 and 1981 before entering politics. Federal prosecutors indicted Hastert on Thursday for lying to the FBI about $3.5 million he agreed to pay to an undisclosed person to “cover up past misconduct.”

Bob Livingstone, incidentally, had been a Republican congressman from Louisiana. His replacement was David Vitter. Roll tape:

New allegations tie Sen. David Vitter to a high-priced brothel in his hometown, one day after he publicly apologized for his connection to an alleged prostitution ring in Washington, D.C.

On Monday, Vitter acknowledged being involved with the so-called D.C. Madam. A day later, new revelations linked him to a former madam in New Orleans and old allegations that he frequented a former prostitute resurfaced, further clouding his political future…

“As far as the girls coming out after seeing David, all they had was nice things to say. It wasn’t all about sex. In fact, he just wanted to have somebody listen to him, you know. And I said his wife must not be listening,” Maier said in an interview with The Associated Press.

And personal attacks? Let’s not forget Senator Larry Craig of Idaho.

Larry was arrested in 2007.

Four gay men, willing to put their names in print and whose allegations can’t be disproved, have come forward since news of U.S. Sen. Larry Craig’s guilty plea. They say they had sex with Craig or that he made a sexual advance or that he paid them unusual attention.

They are telling their stories now because they are offended by Craig’s denials, including his famous statement, “I am not gay, I never have been gay.”…

Craig, 62, says he was a victim of “profiling” when he was arrested June 11 at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in an adjoining stall in a men’s restroom.

And, of course, there’s always this guy.

Republican Mark Foley had supported many of President Clinton’s issues in Congress and up until that point had a cohesive working relationship with him. Once Foley discovered that Clinton had indeed lied to the American people, Congress and the world, Foley led the the cavalry towards his impeachment. Mark Foley was relentless in his pursuit to impeach Clinton. He saw President Bill Clinton’s behavior as “Despicable!” Mark Foley was all over the nightly news and talk radio calling for Clinton’s impeachment throughout the 16th District wherever there was an audience, and throughout the halls of Congress.

Mark Adam Foley. Here he is having a text-chat with an intern. A teenage male intern.

Maf54 (8:03:47 PM): what you wearing
Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:04 PM): normal clothes
Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:09 PM): tshirt and shorts
Maf54 (8:04:17 PM): um so a big buldge
Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:35 PM): ya
Maf54 (8:04:45 PM): um
Maf54 (8:04:58 PM): love to slip them off of you
Xxxxxxxxx (8:05:08 PM): haha
Maf54 (8:05:53 PM): and gram the one eyed snake
Maf54 (8:06:13 PM): grab
Xxxxxxxxx (8:06:53 PM): not tonight…dont get to excited
Maf54 (8:07:12 PM): well your hard
Xxxxxxxxx (8:07:45 PM): that is true
Maf54 (8:08:03 PM): and a little horny
Xxxxxxxxx (8:08:11 PM): and also tru
Maf54 (8:08:31 PM): get a ruler and measure it for me
Xxxxxxxxx (8:08:38 PM): ive already told you that
Maf54 (8:08:47 PM): tell me again
Xxxxxxxxx (8:08:49 PM): 7 and 1/2
Maf54 (8:09:04 PM): ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Maf54 (8:09:08 PM): beautiful
Xxxxxxxxx (8:09:38 PM): lol
Maf54 (8:09:44 PM): thats a great size
Xxxxxxxxx (8:10:00 PM): thank you
Maf54 (8:10:22 PM): still stiff
Xxxxxxxxx (8:10:28 PM): ya
Maf54 (8:10:40 PM): take it out
Xxxxxxxxx (8:10:54 PM): brb…my mom is yelling

MOOOMMM (…hold on…) I’M TALKING TO A FLORIDA CONGRESSMAN. Foley was chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children, and wtf? srsly.