Seven virgins and a mule, keep it cool, keep it cool.

Can you imagine a bunch of us liberals lavishing a great deal of our precious time and money on, say, a woman who decided not to get married? On some hard-workin’ guy who happened to be in a union? Or on a lesbian who happened to be in love – with anther WOMAN?

Not likely. But there’s a feeling amongst conservatives that they really need to spend all their time rallying around people who go through life The Right Way. Because of course something something take back America. And so we get things like this:

First, shortly after the cancellation of 19 Kids and Counting, Duggar daughter Jill and husband Derick Dillard asked again for donations to their tax-deductible organization Dillard Family Ministries, which funds their evangelical work in Central America. The Dillards currently accept donations online with suggested monthly donations ranging from $15 to $100…

Then, shortly after TLC reportedly confirmed the cancellation of her wedding special two weeks ago, newly-engaged Duggar niece Amy gave out an address on Instagram for any fans who would like to send “cards and etc.,” promising to “personally hand write” a letter to anyone who sent a card or—wink, wink—an et cetera. Amy denied she had any financial motivations for the post.

“For us it’s not really about the gifts or money, but we would like the chance to personally thank everyone!” she wrote.

…after everybody surprised the Duggars with fancy gifts in the mail, and fresh cash money. After the humble Christians, y’know, specifically asked for it.

Next, on or around July 30, the social media hive mind spotted a donate button on the Duggar children’s YouTube channel Duggar Studios, which currently has just 15 videos, none of them longer than 10 minutes. The last video was uploaded three months ago and it is only 12 seconds long. After widespread outcry on Twitter, the donate button was removed.

I’d like to make a point here about the Duggars, or the Hendersons, being much more than merely humble people going about their humdrum lives, doing things The Right Way. You can look at either clan and see the chainsaw-juggler in full effect, without even taking into account the child molestation. But none of that really matters to the rubes, now does it?

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