The Establishment Candidate

He’s an outsider. A bona-fide rebel. Of course, he’s a Republican. He’s a quiet man with a quiet way, and he carries a two-ton chip on his shoulder. Because the world is spinning out of his control dammit. And like any decent patriot, he owns a crapload of guns. Don’t think for a second that when the time comes, America, he’ll be afraid to use them.

And just who is this Man? Who would this GOP heartthrob be? Who is the next great American, this maybe-President of the United States? Would it be Marcus Bachmann? Could it be Kenny Chesney? Is it Vin Freaking Diesel?

No, you silly. It’s the Roseburg massacre guy, Chris Harper Mercer.

Mercer conservative killer

And where exactly do you think we should fit ‘Right-Winger’ on the Autism spectrum? Was Harper even more a gun nut than Adam Peter Lanza? Was he even more anti-immigration than Wade Michael Page? Was he even more grassroots-conservative than John Russell Houser? Wow, the thorny questions we’re left with. Maybe we should just lock up all the Republicans and the ammosexuals. You know, just to be safe…

Share