Kobe Bryant is the worst

Numbers don’t lie. Considering what Kobe Bryant is doing to the Lakers, he’s the worst basketball player in the league. He’s currently having what can be argued as the worst individual year in the history of the NBA.

Anyone playing this horrible-awful would normally never be allowed to take 18 shots a game – 8 of those being three-pointers, which he usually misses – and use up to 40% of a team’s possessions to chuck up airballs, anchors and bricks (when he’s not turning the ball over, which he does all the time). Any other basketball player would have been benched after the first couple of games and then quietly released, so he can go play for some odd-sounding team in Turkey. But because he’s a legend, because he’s some sort of big deal, Byron Scott and the hostages at Bryant Enabling LLC have decided to stand back and watch the Black Mamba ruin every game the Kobe Chuckers play this year. What a glorious trainwreck.

How disastrous is he? Halftime at Detroit, against a .500 team, the Lakers are down 23 points. Kobe is 0 for 7 with two turnovers. His plus/minus would be…-20. Ho-hum, just another day for the Most Awesome Laker Ever.

For the year, he’s taken about 300 shots and made only 88 of them. That’s not 39%, that’s 29%. As in ‘Whose general manager do I have to fellate to keep this job?’ And from the three-point line? He’s shooting 21.8%. Wait, you say. He shoots 8 three-pointers and then misses 6 of them? More than 6 of them. Every game? Yes. Every game. He must be the worst shooter in the league!

Right you are. Three-point shooting stats are posted for anyone in the NBA who makes on average at least one three-pointer every game. There are 102 players who qualify for the stat. Where is Kobe?

kobe 3 pts

He’s last. And he’s waaaaay behind the other worst shooters in the league – they’re only barely-making a horrendous 27% from behind the arc. He’s a full five percentage points worse than that. And get this: Only two other NBA players shoot more three-pointers than him. You’re telling me the worst long-range shooter in the league shoots more than almost anybody else? Yes. Hard to believe, isn’t it? Makes you wish the Kobe Chuckers had a coach, or a manager, or something. Shall we check in? Why not…it’s the third quarter and he’s currently 0 for 9. Keep chucking, bro. Kobe is on pace to miss a thousand shots this year while the Lakers go 12 and 70 (…for the sixth worst record in league history). Nice going everyone.

And for the apologists who say “Well they don’t have anyone else to go to! He’s on a bad team!” No – Kobe IS the bad team. He’s the worst shooter on the Lakers:

laker shooting

Yet he takes 7 more shots than anyone else (except Clarkson), he takes twice as many three-pointers, and he plays 32 minutes a game. And the fiasco doesn’t get any better when you look at all of the numbers – rebounds, turnovers, etc. Take a look at the Player Efficiency Ratings (PER) for the Laker squad:

laker game stats

Only Larry Nance Jr. (16.9 min, 3.7 fga) and Tarik Black (11.4 mins, 2.9 fga) are playing worse than Bryant. Considering the PER league average for NBA players is 15.0, that is appalling. The numbers are clear: Kobe Bryant is one of the worst players in the league, he’s the worst three-point shooter in the league, and he’s having an epically horrendous year. But with the coach’s blessing, and with the full support of the franchise, he’s going to take the team down with him. Any other Laker could do better than him, because they are doing better than him… but the faithful want to pretend he should continue to get the ball, and throw up grisly wounded geese, and drive the Lakers down dooooown into the most abyss-mal year in all their long history. No, Mamba fans. He should be benched for the rest of the year, or he should retire. Right now, this minute. Oh wait…game over. Kobe went 2 for 15 in a 20-point loss, 1 for 6 from the three-point line. He’s the best. Get out your popcorn, horror fans.

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