President Rubio and his Constitution 2.0

There is a certain reflexive habit of conservatives that I find absolutely adorable. Marco Rubio here demonstrates it perfectly.

The habit? When Republican politicians think that conservatism is so fantastic and flawless a philosophy that any idea lured from its grotto is the perfect pet for today. An icon fashioned of the finest sinew and bone. A beast of mythic power and proportion, capable of…anything.

“One of the things I’m going to do on my first day is office is I will put the prestige and power of the presidency behind a constitutional convention of the states,” Rubio said at a campaign stop in Waterloo, Iowa on Tuesday.

Time to re-do the Constitution! Finally, let’s get it right. Why?

“Because that is the only way that we are ever going to get term limits on members of Congress or the judiciary and that is the only way we are ever going to get a balanced-budget amendment.”

So we can slap term limits all over the government. Oh, and so we can impose a balanced budget. Because you know how those people are. Prone to go a little crazy, like a woman with her credit cards.

What an idea. Especially considering the no-money Bush recession we’ve just barely survived. Can you imagine how quickly Marco Rubio’s government-in-restraints would have been overrun by the Axis Powers in World War II? Well sure, we’d love to make some more tanks and battleships, but we have a constitution remember? More strudel, Franz? You can’t just amend a foundational document overnight, folks (there’s a whole…ugh, you don’t want to know.). Perhaps a particularly enterprising President Rubio could persuade Burrows Inc. to donate the paper and ink for a declaration of unconditional surrender. Maybe FedEx would be nice enough to fly it to Berlin for free. For a bunch of people obsessed with the workings of government, right-wingers have no idea how fiat currency works. Amazing.

Of course once a convention is called, Marco does realize what that means, right? That all of the Constitution is on the table? Nothing would be safe. For one, the Second Amendment could use some polishing…

Rubio spokesman Alex Conant emphasized that the senator only supports “a limited Convention of the States under Article V that is limited to proposals that remove power from Washington and return it to the states.”

Jibbursh sez whut? Where again does one find the “limited” part of Article V? Everyone pardon Mr. Spokesman and allow me to translate from the original wingnut. Cough-cough, ahem: Constitutional conventions – how do they work?

And Rubio himself said…on Tuesday that “you have to limit the convention, and that’s what they’re proposing, a very limited convention on specific delineated issues that they would talk about.”

Well if that’s what they’re proposing, then I’m sure it’ll all be fine. And when the conventioneers call for a vote to define personhood as a “non-corporate entity” I’m sure that they will run willy-nilly up to the dais and begin waving their arms, and everybody will just CALM THE FUCK DOWN.