Category: abortion

A good reason to hate Nebraska

This is horrible.

The girl, who is not named in the opinion, was living with foster parents this year when a juvenile court terminated the parental rights of her biological parents, who had physically abused and neglected her. In a closed hearing this summer, she told Douglas County District Judge Peter Bataillon she was 10 weeks pregnant and asked for a court order allowing an abortion. She said she would not be able to financially support a child and feared she might lose her foster placement if her foster parents, whom she described as having strong religious beliefs, learned of her pregnancy.

Unfortunately she lives in Nebraska.

Nebraska law was changed in 2011 from requiring minors to inform parents of an abortion to requiring them to get the written, notarized consent of a parent or guardian. Exceptions are limited to cases of abuse by the parent or guardian, medical emergencies and instances in which the minor is sufficiently mature and well-informed to decide whether to have an abortion.

If a woman isn’t “sufficiently mature and well-informed” then she should be forced to have a child? What a crock of lard. What if she’s insufficiently healthy, should she have twins? What if she’s developmentally disabled, should she be inseminated by the state? There’s not a shred of logic here. The provision is a pile of mumbo-jumbo meant to give pro-life judges license to do whatever the hell they please. Which, of course:

Bataillon rejected the girl’s request, saying that for the purpose of her case, her foster parents would serve as her guardians — even though, under Nebraska law, the department is considered the guardian of wards. Bataillon also found that the girl had not shown she was mature enough to make the decision to seek an abortion.

And how did he come to that opinion?

[The girl's lawyer] also said Bataillon should have recused himself because he was not impartial, as evidenced by his asking the girl if she knew that, “When you have the abortion, it’s going to kill the child inside you.”

Annoyingly, she persisted in wanting the abortion. Which is no doubt the reason why she wasn’t “sufficiently mature and well-informed.” So now, having been judged officially childish and idiotic, the young woman has to carry her pregnancy to term. Fuck Nebraska.

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The fad to bruise vaginas

The Hoosier state escalates its War on Women. And given what the governors of Virginia and Texas have done to their sluts, it’s no mystery. It’s hip to rape a citizen with an ultrasound instrument, so let the fun begin.

The Indiana state Senate on Wednesday advanced a bill that would require women to undergo an ultrasound procedure both before and after having a medication-induced abortion during the first trimester of pregnancy.

Heavens of course after the chemical abortion. That’s when the government’s compelling interest looms most large. What if a woman took the pills but didn’t menstruate the tiny embryo? What if the vagina was still secretly pregnant? Eight months later it would poop a baby! THE GOVERNMENT WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ITSELF.

It would require women to be presented with the sound and image of the fetal heartbeat before the abortion and to return for a follow-up ultrasound to ensure that she is no longer pregnant and has stopped bleeding.

Call it the ‘Decatur Dipstick’ bill. You have to turn the machine on. Whirr. You have to push the wand in, and then you have to pull it out. Now you have to look at the wand. IS IT ARE YOU STILL BLEEDING? This is what women need the government for.

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K Lo goes small on the big day

I was disappointed with Kathryn Lopez’ response to the 40th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. Clicking through NRO, I fully expected to come across some spirited wailing and tears. We should have had rending of garments and raining of digital sod upon illuminated heads. I was really hoping for a tale of some Danish martyr murmuring something in Latin while dancing The Ephemera on the slobber-gobbed Lopez’ ceiling (“. . est homicidium K-Lo . . “). OH Saint Geert of Erøskøboing! Come baaack!

Are you, dear reader, sick of abortion? Sick of the poverty of the discourse? Sick of the hands of politics on the issue? Sick that it has put evil, tempting thoughts into your head? Sick of where it has left you? This moment is for you.

Promises. But sigh. Here was the highlight of the pro-life throw down:

People are looking for something more. People are looking for an invitation to something better. Women aren’t looking for judgment. Many of them also are not happy with the expectations we have for them to manage their fertility away and pretend to be men with more wardrobe options in the workplace and on the social scene . .

Preaching to her friends. Not very edgy. She couldn’t come up with any reason to get out of her comfort zone on the big day, after all. ‘It’s their bodies and our selves, people.’ Wouldn’t that fit nicely on a bumper sticker? Yes but Kathryn Jean wouldn’t want to brook their complaining. They’re all very insensitive you see (you).

Anyway, I’d bet my bottom dollar women are thrilled to have the same options as men, sexually speaking. Not getting pregnant last weekend. Not getting pregnant next weekend. I’ll say God bless The Pill and you can take that as insultingly as you like, Catholics. The same goes for abortion too. I would not want to live in a world without that last-ditch option.

Whenever Kathryn writes something as clay-footed and Victorian as this I am immediately reminded she’s in her mid-30s and a virgin. If she’d had any experience with actual hot and heavy romance, I might take these tracts a little more seriously.

To that end, it hit me that she might never have even dated. I wondered if she’d ever been spotted with, I don’t know, a Newsmax editor at Elaine’s or something. I thought I might look at her Wikipedia entry:

So there. The life of a token Vatican hire is lonely. We can look forward to the same post from the same person 10 years from now, at the 50 year be-laboring. That’s 3,645 pills from now, unless you’re the type to huck the placebos.

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I just happen to have a Get Out Of Reason card

For all the questions we have about the Sandy Hook shootings, it’s depressing that we have so few answers. ‘Why?’ and ‘WHY?’ being the pressing formers and ‘Who knows?’ being the latter. Unless you’re a pro-life scold of course. Then the confusion and pain swap places with humble wisdom and the willingness to impart Truth. For any and all questions within sniffing distance of evil or ethics or the over-browning of morning toast, the one answer is ‘Abortion.’

In this sort of moral vacuum, where even the most precious and basic freedom, that of life itself, is no longer respected, a society that is increasingly violent and barbaric is bound to arise. We see the effects of that culture daily, and that is the real problem we face. Even if all the guns in the world suddenly disappeared, the carnage would not cease.

But it would sink like a stone. It’s hard to run through a school and kill children at the rate of oh 50 per hour without a gun. Bullets are well-suited to the purpose. They’re easy to dispatch, accurate and difficult to dodge. Otherwise you might try grenading your targets, which could certainly work except for one thing: Grenades are hard to come by. Isn’t that weird?

The Chinese assailants [the lone slasher -- I the oblivious . .] had no guns, the Aztecs had no guns, and Planned Parenthood uses no guns. Perhaps the boy in Connecticut who killed his mother thought that if the law permitted his mother to kill him in, or on the way out of, her womb, he should have the same right.

So the mystery of “What the hell was he thinking?” is solved. Adam Lanza was obsessed with his legal rights in the wake of Roe v. Wade. Thank you Columbo.

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Pastor finds Jesus Christ up his mom’s vagina

Here’s one way you can fight abortion. You can go back to the womb, back to the time before you were born, or right after you were born but months before you ended up in the hospital, and you can watch Jesus bitch-slap your mother. Then you can recount a harrowing tale of survival and high-five everyone because you just won the all time yuck episode of Fear Factor.

Delivered from Abortion: Healing a Forgotten Memory
July 31, 2012 By Gordon Dalbey

Late in the fall of 1943, as Nazi submarines terrorized Allied shipping, a young Navy officer and his wife faced a terrible dilemma when he deployed to an aircraft carrier in the North Atlantic.

What a dilemma. Should we abort our baby? Or should we let the Nazis do it? The Ubermenschen aren’t going to be too happy about clothing and feeding a roach-eyed whackadoodle.

The doctor, however, had a solution to her problem. Handing her a small, dark red vial and scheduling her for an appointment the following week, he explained that he could “fix everything” quickly and easily after she took the pills.

Days later, before the appointment, the young woman shook the pills out of the vial into her hand and closed her fist. Shaking from both cold and anxiety, she poured a glass of water with her other hand. Uneasily, she hesitated and looked out a frost-covered kitchen window. “What if this is the son my husband wants?” she thought. Turning to her fist, she paused, then opened it and lifted the glass of water.

Remarkable details from the scene supplied by Gordon, considering the vantage point. Maybe his womb was brilliantly lit and appointed with high glass and mirrors? Whether it’s hosting an impromptu Summer gabfest or a ratrace detente with the executive class, Crotch Heights is your glittering destination.

I remembered my recurrent nightmare of swimming frantically underwater and, strangely, breathing while submerged—an amniotic, prenatal “memory”? Once, I told a psychiatrist how I felt “trapped” and panicky in close relationships with women. Fears of death had dogged me, and a pervasive, empty sense of not belonging anywhere.

The buffeting waves. The bad dreams. All of the chaos and noise whenever the janitor dropped by, just to say “Hey there Carol, you look nice today.” Now everything makes sense.

I cried out suddenly, desperately. “Save me, Jesus!” As I lay trapped and trembling, in my mind’s eye I saw a figure come into the kitchen and stand by my mother. With a single gesture, he reached and swept the pills out of her hand and into the trash can.

Amazed, I watched as he then turned to me. “You don’t owe your life to your mother,” he declared. “It was I who stayed her hand. You belong to me.”

I tried to say something. But with a firm gaze and a silent wave, he told me…”No.” That’s when our eyes met, and I just couldn’t tear myself away. BOW-CHIGGA-BWAAAOOOOOWWW.

A cool sensation of release swept over me. Sighing deeply, I lay quiet. Later, I remembered Jesus’ promise to his followers, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32NIV).

Indeed, this watershed experience freed me to face many unhealthy dynamics in my life—most notably, feeling overly responsible for my mother’s happiness and guilty for wanting a life of my own.

There’s a little something for the non-fiction fans in the audience.

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K-Lo confuses reality with abortion hoax

Kathryn Lean Lopez, resident obtuse humorless Catholic at National Review, does research. You walk past the oscilloscopes, through the Nuclear Magnetic Resonance laboratory at the end of the hall, and waaaay back there, you find her. Switching knobs, twirling dials. Monitoring the output.

Liberty’s Beating Heart

I turned on my television Thursday morning and heard a beating heart.

It was the beautiful, vulnerable sound of an unborn baby’s still-developing heart, transmitted by ultrasound. “We don’t know her eye color,” the voiceover said. “Whether she’ll be a redhead or brunette . .”

But we all know she’ll have 50 states and plenty of coastline. K-Lo hears the beating heart of America. As always, she’s wrong.

The ad was for a medical group in northern Virginia. “Join the future of health,” the commercial urged.

It was quite the paradox that later that same day, the House of Representatives voted down a bill to prohibit sex-selective abortion.

They voted ‘No’ even after the ad? My life, bagled. We live in a dystopia where legislators can simply ignore whatever makes K-Lo cry. What has happened to us? When did we come ’round to thinking randomly produced, cleverly edited clips were less than Reality Itself?

. . a search for the missing girls around the world tells a different story — as does a click on one of Live Action’s new undercover videos, reminding us that brutality and unjust laws are not foreign to America.

Directed by brave young Lila Rose, one of the latest investigative videos shows a woman in Planned Parenthood’s flagship clinic in Manhattan explaining that she has been married for seven years, has a daughter, and now wants a son. Just as Live Action has encountered before, a Planned Parenthood worker doesn’t flinch in the facilitation of a sex-selective abortion.

Wrong again. “The employee asked the activist, ‘And have you guys — you know, ’cause we’re required to discuss all of the, you know, a patient’s options — is adoption something that you were interested in considering?’” That part was edited out, so, no flinchies nyah nyah.

Did someone say something about a war on women? Live Action just exposed one.

Wrong again again. When actors pretend to do something, it doesn’t really happen.

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Governor Scott Walker fathered out-of-wedlock child, wanted to abort it

Wisconsin Citizens Media Co-op reports:

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, Tuesday afternoon’s recall target, goggle-eyed homunculus hired by Koch Industries to manage its midwest subsidiary formerly known as the state of Wisconsin®, isn’t what he appears to be?

Self-banging Tea Party skank. Dedicated enemy of the working stiff. Assassin for the national big-business bully brigade. Point man for the cradle-to-grave poverty interests. A whopping butthole too, along with all that, but not the Jeezus-trembler he’d have us believe.

No, if true, Scott Walker isn’t the man of steadfast principles and moral steel he’s been imitating on the TV, before the voters, around the polling stations. He’s your extra sonuvabitch. A “You’re pregnant so what’s that got to do with me?” kind of guy.

Bernadette Gillick was a college freshman in 1988 when she first met Scott Walker. It was spring semester, and she had just transferred to Marquette University. She was assigned a room in O’Donnell Hall (then a women’s dormitory), which she shared with her new roommate, Ruth (not her real name). Ruth was dating Scott Walker, who was 20 at the time, and, according to Bernadette, Ruth was deeply in love with him.

Midway through that spring semester, Bernadette alleges, Ruth found out she was pregnant. She informed her boyfriend, Scott, and initially he was supportive. That support changed to callous indifference for his girlfriend’s predicament after Scott informed his parents of the pregnancy.

Bernadette reports that at this point Scott began denying that he was the father of the baby, and when Ruth said she was considering an abortion, he claimed he didn’t care, as he wasn’t the father anyway . .

AHEM:

“Walker has stated that he is ’100% pro-life’ and that he believes life should be protected from conception to natural death. He opposes abortion in all circumstances, including in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the mother. He supports abstinence-only sex education in the public schools, and opposes state supported clinical services that provide birth control and testing and treatment of sexually transmitted diseases to teens under the age of 18 without parental consent. He supports the right of pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions for contraceptives on religious or moral grounds . . ”

“I supported her as he went from encouraging her to get an abortion, to telling me it was in my best interest to keep my mouth shut, to denying that he was the father and having his own mother call her and tell her to stop erroneously accusing her son of paternity,” Bernadette recounts.

It was a “horrible time” for her friend. “Imagine her being 18 years old and pregnant, walking around Marquette’s Jesuit Catholic campus with her boyfriend denying he was the father,” says Bernadette. . .

After consulting with her family, Ruth decided against an abortion. Bernadette was with Ruth in the hospital for the birth of her child later that year (and says Walker was not present), and later stood up as a bridesmaid in Ruth’s 1992 marriage to another man. She says Walker eventually had to concede that he was the father, after the birth and paternity test.

. . so if having a nasty turd for your governor makes Wisconsin any much better, vote for Scottie. If not, recall the bastard.

UPDATE: Latest says the whole story is wrong, that the father was another Scott Walker at Marquette. Well, if this is case, I sincerely apologize to the sonuvabitch. By the way, if having a nasty turd for your governor makes Wisconsin any much better, vote for Scottie. If not, recall the bastard.

UPDATE II: Okay, it wasn’t the other Scott Walker. So who was it? Gillick stands by her assertion:

According to Dr. Gillick’s attorney, Michael Fargione, who was present for an interview of Dr. Gillick conducted by Dave Umhoefer from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel last week, he asked Dr. Gillick, “How do you know it was this Scott Walker?” She told him she had multiple conversations with him because her roommate was dating him. She exchanged words with him directly and in person after, as she alleges, he turned on her roommate once she notified him of her pregnancy and became unsupportive of her. “There is no mistake that it’s him,” she said.

So the only one denying it is the child’s mother. Who may have never told the child who her/his real father was, understandably. It’s currently the big story in politics, and the Governor remains stone silent, two days before the recall. Hmm. Tick-tock tick-tock . .

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My Abortion Could Beat Up Your World War Two

History reminds you, and me, a few others, that there are tragedies of monstrous proportions. Crimes of epic evil. Acts of horror so vile and vast, they crack the collective consciousness. Planet-shattering events that leave bodies by the millions and headstrong nations lifeless in their wake. If you’re a piker, the Holocaust comes to mind.

Anyway, Mike Adams just put up a new post. It covers a trending topic: How the Jews are idiots about America, sin, and wholesale slaughter. They won’t even admit their own women are Nazis. No, not those musty Central Casting types that get shot by Aldo Ray, but the real ones killing the innocent and defenseless: The fetus people. They’re on you.

Mike Adams is not the first person to draw an analogy between the Holocaust and abortion, but we wish he would be the last one. (“Aborting Hitler,” Mike Adams, January 30th) . .

Sincerely,
David C. Friedman
Regional Director, Washington DC Regional Office
Anti-Defamation League

Who are you, Friedman, to poke your nose into a genocide? Or a Christian’s blog? Who are the Jews to criticize and then refuse to pick up the phone?

Jews For Genocide
by Mike Adams | Townhall.com | January 19, 2012

. . In my column, I correctly referred to the Nazi Holocaust as a Holocaust. I correctly referred to the feminist Holocaust as a Holocaust. I did not deny or in any way minimize any Holocaust. I simply spoke of two instead of speaking of one. If you are anti-Holocaust, then why are you morally superior for talking about one less Holocaust than I do? I just don’t understand your basic premise. Unfortunately, you will not pick up the phone to explain it to me when I call your office.

Uh-oh. We’ve hit a pile-up on the intellectual highway, and Friedman isn’t talking. How many Holocausts are there? What qualifies as your routine, every-day one? I see an argument on Aristotelian concepts coming. How many legs does a chair really need? Millions? Billions?

[Friedman:] “Referring to abortion as the ‘American Holocaust’, makes for a catchy headline but it also undermines the historical truth of Nazi Germany, and Adams ought to know better. The Holocaust was the systematic industrialized murder of millions and should never translate into 2012 political analogies.”

(Author’s Note: The headline was “Aborting Hitler” not “American Holocaust.” Friedman is undermining the historical truth of what I have written. He ought to know better).

Crappy blog writer’s note — here is Adams in the ‘Hitler’ post: “That has been the story of the American Holocaust as well.” That would be a reference, but, no, not a “catchy headline.” For the latter, how about “Jews Favor Killing Millions of People the Same Way They Were Killed in World War Two.” Oops, it’s not actually the same way, is it? But you get the point. Adams is mild-mannered and reasonable.

For bonus appreciation, how about the opening of his ‘Hitler’ post?

Someone once asked me whether I would abort Adolf Hitler if I knew in advance he would try to launch a Holocaust against millions of Jews. I said I would not. That is because aborting Hitler would not have prevented the Holocaust. It would have justified it.

Does this guy know his Holocausts, or what? Back to the main feature:

“Adams is entitled to his views on abortion, but his attempt to assert a moral equivalency between abortion, and the murder of millions of people at the hands of Nazis, is not only offensive but is indicative of a lack of understanding about the Holocaust.”

Now, I think I understand your position. You don’t think the unborn are “people.” Well, what are they? Are you even prepared to offer an explanation of when a living fetus becomes a “person”? . .

Finally, I must take exception to your decision to sign off using the word “sincerely.” You aren’t sincere. If you were sincere, you would take seriously the argument that the unborn are persons . .

Unfortunately, you have become nothing more than a Holocaust denier.

If there’s one thing we know about the ADL guys, it’s what a bunch of high-spirited pranksters they become when the subject of the Holocaust comes around. I wish they’d been more sincere with Mike.

Anyway, the commenters at Townhall have taken their cues from Adams and piled on:

–Oden Wrote: 1 hour ago (7:41 PM)

“Clearly Friedman discounts the great anguish and suffering abortion causes Adams and his fellow anti-choicers. Friedman doesn’t seem to understand that Adams’s suffering is comparable to the suffering of Jews having their families split apart at Nazi death camps. Hard to believe Friedman could be so unfeeling as to deny the obvious moral equivalence and be reluctant to discuss Adam’s suffering with him for free. Bet if he was a Christian . . .

Isn’t that just like the Jews? Always going on about Jew suffering while minimizing the suffering of gentiles.”


Middle of the night. 1093 comments and counting.

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When they swear it isn’t about contraception, it’s about contraception

Seems like recent times. Not so long ago. We thought Sandra Fluke being called ‘slut’ or ‘prostitute’ had something to do with conservatives’ views on contraception. Apparently, we didn’t understand what was really going on at the time:

Birth-Control Agitprop
By Jonah Goldberg | National Review

. . “Let’s admit what this debate is really and what Republicans really want to take away from American women. It is contraception,” Senator Charles Schumer (D., N.Y.) outrageously claimed while opposing the Blunt amendment. Senator Frank Lautenberg (D., N.J.) said the GOP was yearning to return to “the Dark Ages . . . when women were property that you could easily control, even trade if you wanted to.”

That’s what I thought. No?

The Obama campaign insists that “if Mitt Romney and a few Republican senators get their way, employers could be making women’s health care decisions for them” and require that women seek a permission slip to obtain birth control.

It’s all so breathtakingly mendacious.

Nope. We’ve been lying shamelessly, and Goldberg’s been gasping for air. Fortunately, we went on our merry way to build a Sanger monument, and Jonah opened a window.

He had tried to tell us the truth. That this was only about the evils of abortion, nothing more. So many tried to tell us. Over and over: Contraception is a personal thing, abortion is homicide. If you want to go on the Pill, we don’t care. That’s a personal, not a criminal, matter, and conservatives are loath to mess with those.

Really, if anything, our conniption over contraception was something of a conspiracy. By shifting from their cultural indictment to a popular perception, from the evils of abortion to the benign reality of contraception, we filled the atmosphere with smoke. All the ethicists and scholars have been bumping into each other ever since, trying to find where the infanticide went:

Liberals, media try to shift debate from abortion to contraception
by Jill Stanek | jillstanek.com

I wrote last week about a theory put forth by Washington Post’s Sarah Kliff that abortion proponents were shifting strategies to focus on contraceptives rather than abortion, the reason being their own polls show abortion is no longer a winning issue with young people and women, but contraception is.

. . so pro-life Jill details how Sean Hannity, Dick Morris and others got hip to the conspiracy. Look how Rush figured it out:

“Do you remember – ’cause this is a setup for what’s coming – do you remember, we were all perplexed here. George Stephanopoulos kept hounding Romney on contraception. It had not come up, nobody had said anything about it, and we were all confused, as was Romney, what the deal was…

That’s what Morris’ theory is about what happened last week, trying to get abortion off the table because it’s a loser for the Democrats. And now instead of Republicans want to ban abortion, they want to ban contraception…

So that’s the paradigm shift here, at least so goes the theory, and it does explain why Stephanopoulos was talking about something that was not even an issue.”

Contraception was never an issue. Gee, aren’t we sneaky?

By comparison, we’re amateurs. We make the occasional penny fall out of your ear, you guys palm manhole covers. Arizona State’s news reports on new Republican legislation:

The Senate Judiciary Committee voted 6-2 Monday to endorse a controversial bill that would allow Arizona employers the right to deny health insurance coverage for contraceptives based on religious objections.

Arizona House Bill 2625, authored by Majority Whip Debbie Lesko, R-Glendale, would permit employers to ask their employees for proof of medical prescription if they seek contraceptives for non-reproductive purposes, such as hormone control or acne treatment.

What does this legislation mean? It means Republicans are giving Arizona businessmen the ‘OK’ to prevent women from getting the Pill through their insurance. That’s what it means.

If you’re a Catholic man who owns a factory with 500 female employees, you can deny them contraception. While it’s not against your beliefs if a worker uses the Pill to treat polycystitis, it is against your beliefs if she uses it to prevent pregnancy. So you get to deny her that coverage. And just to be sure, if you figure out an employee is using the Pill, you can demand she produce a medical reason for the prescription.

One man’s religious conviction trumps perhaps thousands of employees’ needs. If you buy Arizona politicians’ arguments, “Freedom of Religion” is no longer about the choices you make for yourself. It’s about the choices you make for others.

But, wait, it gets potentially worse. While I can’t affirm Erin’s contention, it doesn’t seem impossible. It seems entirely plausible:

Law Will Allow Employers to Fire Women for Using Whore Pills
Erin Gloria Ryan | Jezebel

A proposed new law in Arizona would give employers the power to request that women being prescribed birth control pills provide proof that they’re using it for non-sexual reasons. And because Arizona’s an at-will employment state, that means that bosses critical of their female employees’ sex lives could fire them as a result.

So, to recap: Based upon his private religious beliefs, your employer could deny you and hundreds of others normal access to contraception. He could do this, even though it saves you, your insurance company and your employer money. He’d be allowed, even though everyone knows it produces healthier babies and more stable families. If you did qualify for the Pill by other means, he’d have the right to vet your medical condition. And if his intuition told him you were just another ‘Sandra Fluke,’ he could fire you. And this is only a fight over abortion.

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Latex Geocaching in the Salons and Alleys of the Medieval

HEAR YE. Justified and ancient apothecarist, caregiver and high chemist among the National Review set, Charles C. W. Cooke, whips up a word-poultice for the country’s headache. Yes, you’ve spent far too long, America, occupied with the lady’s folds and her orbits of reproduction. One’s obsession with the mechanical feline mysteries can destabilize the humours, producing a vaporous lock. Ouch, my Noggine.

For all the sickening madness, I, Charles, return your sanity. Verily, no problemo.

Spy ye: The Contraception approaches nothing so much as the hocus pocus the Stynking and Barren would have you believe. ‘Tis neither a matter of molec-cules nor spirit voodoo. ‘Tis all of a skin-sheath that fits stoutly upon the male mons tentaculus. And, I, upon some cosmopolitan examination, have found one. Some few.

My Contraceptive Haul
By Charles C. W. Cooke | National Review | February 29, 2012

Were one to have listened uncritically to the more hysterical elements in America’s news media over the past month, one would have concluded that contraception is intractably hard to come by in the United States; but a cursory glance at the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene’s well-appointed website gives quite the opposite impression.

Because there are condoms.

. . visitors are informed that anyone in need of contraception is somewhat spoiled for choice. If the website’s extensive online search facility does not meet with their approval, habitués can instead call 311 and ask for advice directly. And the more tech savvy — or, perhaps, desperately mobile — can download the free “NYC Condom” app to their Windows, iPhone, BlackBerry, or Android smartphones and have its GPS service direct them to the nearest provider of free contraception with devastating accuracy.

Condoms.

Never has a society been so precisely and easily led to safe sex. (One might well ask whether someone who can afford a smartphone and its attendant bills is genuinely in need of an app that locates “free” — i.e., paid for by taxpayers — condoms, but then this is 21st-century America, and New York’s mayor is Michael Bloomberg, so such petite questions are unavoidably consumed by bigger ones.)

I should mention condoms. Plus more. Condoms plus personal lubricant. Forsooth all the contraceptives to be found, take what you need, by God’s hooks. Condoms.

To listen to the president and the various women’s groups who have so enjoyed throwing around the absurd “anti-women” hyperbole over the last month, one would think that Americans were still required to ape the cloak-and-dagger subterfuge of a drug deal in order to get their hands on contraception, and that they were paying a hefty premium into the bargain. This could not be further from the truth.

There are always condoms.

Next time someone tells you that, if the federal government does not force all health insurers to cover contraception without raising premiums, the sky is going to fall, why not take him for a walk in a major urban area?

And get some condoms.

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Kathryn Jean Lopez: It goes in the ol’ whoshebangie, but don’t remind me

Pictured (l to r): 'Vagi...', NOM NOM NOM

Shorter (barely) Kathryn Jean Lopez:

“There’s no reason to intimidate people by calling the pre-abortive ultrasound a transvalgye–, er, transvehee–, uh, cootie stick procedure. I’ll have you know this technique is absolutely normal and routine. Doctors do that to our vagooeh–, heh, vagleenas all the time. Grow up, already.”

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Douthat on abortion. Dog poo on pop tart.

That tawdry wrestling infomercial on an endless loop, the conservative, wasted everyone’s time this week scolding America about contraception, abortion, sex in and out of marriage, and the reason why he threatened to deport his immigrant boy-toy after ramming a horny-butt deejay into some poor lady outside a disco tickle dangle, but, no, it wasn’t me.

That reminds me of a joke. It goes like this: neckbeard.

The ‘Safe, Legal, Rare’ Illusion
By ROSS DOUTHAT | Op-Ed Columnist

AMID the sound and fury of the latest culture-war battles . .

These people. Will. Not. Shut. Up.

Even the most pro-choice politicians, for instance . .

No sane human being wants to hear Ross Douthat weigh in on anything like sex, abortion or contraception. He’ll do it anyways, of course, because he’s the New York Times conservative. A.K.A., the kid with enormous keyboards of clay.

Instead, abortion rates are frequently higher in more liberal states, where access is often largely unrestricted, than in more conservative states, which are more likely to have parental consent laws, waiting periods, and so on.

It’s late in the column, and the kid is really bringing the heat. The liberals want to make it okay for people to have abortions. But you know what happens next? MORE ABORTIONS. Bet you didn’t realize that, buddy. This is why the Times hired Ross. He can tie his shoes — can you? Your shoes, I mean?

“Safe, legal and rare” is a nice slogan, but liberal policies don’t always seem to deliver the “rare” part.

Because Oregon has more abortions than Oklahoma, liberals have failed in the ‘choice’ wars. We are hypocrites, unable to deliver on our abortion mission statement. In an ideal world, we’d stop women, like young terrified conservatives — whose fathers will kill them — from having abortions. In an ideal world, Ross would know the word ‘ideal.’ We’re done here, everybody back to the abortion factory.

But wait — do you know where ‘choice’ is truly ‘Safe, legal and rare’? Kansas. And how many abortion clinics do they have? Two. Maybe one. This is the reality Ross uses as a baseline to shame us into admitting failure. We allow more abortions than Cro-Magnon Kansas. We shoot fewer doctors, too, and these facts may be related.

For the rest of the editorial, the Gray Lady’s ace is nowhere near being interested in the history of abortion in America, our evolving attitudes towards sex, the current attacks on sex education, the propping up of abstinence-only efforts in the face of permanent failure, or in the record low rates of teen pregnancy and abortion. Or in women. Final paragraph, now we’re really almost done:

At the very least, American conservatives are hardly crazy to reject a model for sex, marriage and family that seems to depend heavily on higher-than-average abortion rates.

Shoot. So there’s only the one alternative: make abortion illegal. Okay. Thanks, Ross, well argued. Could you append a little comment about the happiness of American women in the 18th and 19th centuries?

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