Browsing the archives for the apoca-lips service category.
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I warned you America would up and die. See?

apoca-lips service

You won’t have Sher to kick around because she’ll also be dead. Where did my manners go? I should have checked in on Renew America’s Apocalypse Early Warning System, Sher Zieve. She is surely in a rigid coma by now. She needs either the kiss of a renegade lieutenant colonel — Ollie North, very busy? — or the reports of thousands of M16s driving federal forces into the Hudson to come ’round.

The day after, how bad was Sher’s mood? We’d say ‘gloomy.’

The new motto will likely be “If you cannot serve the State the ways in which the State demands, the State must terminate you.” Congress will be rendered completely toothless and non-essential, as Obama has been working to affect since he first took office. Our economic and other systems designed for liberty of and for the individual are now dead and is only waiting to be buried.

Capitalism has died. You might want to anticipate the midnight-black market like me and tag your livestock. A goat is worth seven full boogies. A chicken’s a boogie and a half. It won’t help anything, but the work has kept me distracted while they accentuated my bedroom with crackling electrodes.

Too many refused to listen to the warnings and, instead, chose to listen to others who lied gently and soothingly to them that they would be told when it was so. The Roman philosopher and statesman Cicero advised us over a millennium ago that a nation cannot survive treason from within. Thus, neither will — nor can — the now-former United States of America. It has now come to its close as a nation. The shining city on the hill is no more and has been reduced to rubble.

Meantime Sher visits the dream of violent revolution. Sleep soundly, dear.

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My Abortion Could Beat Up Your World War Two

abortion, apoca-lips service, it's all the same

History reminds you, and me, a few others, that there are tragedies of monstrous proportions. Crimes of epic evil. Acts of horror so vile and vast, they crack the collective consciousness. Planet-shattering events that leave bodies by the millions and headstrong nations lifeless in their wake. If you’re a piker, the Holocaust comes to mind.

Anyway, Mike Adams just put up a new post. It covers a trending topic: How the Jews are idiots about America, sin, and wholesale slaughter. They won’t even admit their own women are Nazis. No, not those musty Central Casting types that get shot by Aldo Ray, but the real ones killing the innocent and defenseless: The fetus people. They’re on you.

Mike Adams is not the first person to draw an analogy between the Holocaust and abortion, but we wish he would be the last one. (“Aborting Hitler,” Mike Adams, January 30th) . .

Sincerely,
David C. Friedman
Regional Director, Washington DC Regional Office
Anti-Defamation League

Who are you, Friedman, to poke your nose into a genocide? Or a Christian’s blog? Who are the Jews to criticize and then refuse to pick up the phone?

Jews For Genocide
by Mike Adams | Townhall.com | January 19, 2012

. . In my column, I correctly referred to the Nazi Holocaust as a Holocaust. I correctly referred to the feminist Holocaust as a Holocaust. I did not deny or in any way minimize any Holocaust. I simply spoke of two instead of speaking of one. If you are anti-Holocaust, then why are you morally superior for talking about one less Holocaust than I do? I just don’t understand your basic premise. Unfortunately, you will not pick up the phone to explain it to me when I call your office.

Uh-oh. We’ve hit a pile-up on the intellectual highway, and Friedman isn’t talking. How many Holocausts are there? What qualifies as your routine, every-day one? I see an argument on Aristotelian concepts coming. How many legs does a chair really need? Millions? Billions?

[Friedman:] “Referring to abortion as the ‘American Holocaust’, makes for a catchy headline but it also undermines the historical truth of Nazi Germany, and Adams ought to know better. The Holocaust was the systematic industrialized murder of millions and should never translate into 2012 political analogies.”

(Author’s Note: The headline was “Aborting Hitler” not “American Holocaust.” Friedman is undermining the historical truth of what I have written. He ought to know better).

Crappy blog writer’s note — here is Adams in the ‘Hitler’ post: “That has been the story of the American Holocaust as well.” That would be a reference, but, no, not a “catchy headline.” For the latter, how about “Jews Favor Killing Millions of People the Same Way They Were Killed in World War Two.” Oops, it’s not actually the same way, is it? But you get the point. Adams is mild-mannered and reasonable.

For bonus appreciation, how about the opening of his ‘Hitler’ post?

Someone once asked me whether I would abort Adolf Hitler if I knew in advance he would try to launch a Holocaust against millions of Jews. I said I would not. That is because aborting Hitler would not have prevented the Holocaust. It would have justified it.

Does this guy know his Holocausts, or what? Back to the main feature:

“Adams is entitled to his views on abortion, but his attempt to assert a moral equivalency between abortion, and the murder of millions of people at the hands of Nazis, is not only offensive but is indicative of a lack of understanding about the Holocaust.”

Now, I think I understand your position. You don’t think the unborn are “people.” Well, what are they? Are you even prepared to offer an explanation of when a living fetus becomes a “person”? . .

Finally, I must take exception to your decision to sign off using the word “sincerely.” You aren’t sincere. If you were sincere, you would take seriously the argument that the unborn are persons . .

Unfortunately, you have become nothing more than a Holocaust denier.

If there’s one thing we know about the ADL guys, it’s what a bunch of high-spirited pranksters they become when the subject of the Holocaust comes around. I wish they’d been more sincere with Mike.

Anyway, the commenters at Townhall have taken their cues from Adams and piled on:

–Oden Wrote: 1 hour ago (7:41 PM)

“Clearly Friedman discounts the great anguish and suffering abortion causes Adams and his fellow anti-choicers. Friedman doesn’t seem to understand that Adams’s suffering is comparable to the suffering of Jews having their families split apart at Nazi death camps. Hard to believe Friedman could be so unfeeling as to deny the obvious moral equivalence and be reluctant to discuss Adam’s suffering with him for free. Bet if he was a Christian . . .

Isn’t that just like the Jews? Always going on about Jew suffering while minimizing the suffering of gentiles.”


Middle of the night. 1093 comments and counting.

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Have more than thou showest, speak less than thou knowest, and leave Britney alone

apoca-lips service, obama, pobre bambino

Smithers? Yes sir? Release the poodles.

The fierce blogginati of the Conservative Intra-Uterine Candidates 2012 Dysfunction Filibuster shed their background roles yesterday in favor of something a little weightier. Something a little more dramatic. King Lear, probably? Staggering in a shitstorm of Rush Limbaugh’s making, they a-wailed:

You sulphurous and thought-executing fires,
Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts,
Singe my white head! And thou, all-shaking thunder,
I am warning you, I’ll GET YOU FOR THIS.

Yea, totes. Well, that’s what it looked like to me. What’s this to you?

EXCLUSIVE: DEMS INCITE DEATH THREATS AGAINST LIMBAUGH
Dan Riehl | Breitbart.com

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH .. . .. . . !

See? Maddening regret, driven by fear. Tinged with rage.

Conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh is being targeted by multiple death threats after President Barack Obama and the Democratic Party ignored his apology for controversial remarks and continued to single him out for rebuke.

If only death threats, rather than people, could target people. I could say, “I’ll get you, Richard Simmons” and the little word-cloud would chase him around for eternity. You think he’s skinny now?

Admit that you’ve gone nuts, Dan. Then, we’ll — no, never mind, Dan could never be sane. He’s a cliche-chucking bunghole, and he likes it that way. Dan says that after we rejected Serene Ol’ Rush’s apology — tear-stained! sincere! — we a-holes came ’round for another crack at him wielding an even nastier tactic: Single him out. Ha! We now shall mention you by name, Fat Man, oops. I call thee: Rush Limbaugh. (*satan wakes* ‘What now? Who?’) Aauugh! You’re killing him!

The mainstream media is also culpable here, as NewsBusters has pointed out in an article titled “Onslaught: ABC Airs Eight Limbaugh Stories in Less Than Five Days.”

Note: ABC News airs stories of interest. Counter, Newsbusters: “In a blatant display of partisanship, the liberal media, led by ABC, have aired 11 stories on the crash of a New York-bound jetliner that killed 23 people. HEY– just because you hate jumbo jets does not give you the right to poison our children’s minds, moonbats.” Okay, I get it. STOP. TALKING. ABOUT. RUSH.

Yet, none have yet to point out the evil, uglier, if not dangerous, side of the very same campaign now being driven directly by Obama and his sycophants in progressive New Media, with the help of complicit mainstream outlets . . the left has pressed home what it sees as a sudden political opportunity provided by Rush’s provocative reaction–despite his apology.

Yes, you’re getting your asses kicked. But the kickers are just regular Americans. They can no longer fucking stand Rush fucking Limbaugh. I have pretty good evidence of that: All my old posts and videos on him have been ‘blowing up.’ It’s as if people were double-checking, “Is he really this shitty?” So every day, they see more. This will continue for a while — America seeing more, Rush looking worse.

But just go blame someone else. Hell, that’s your job.

The Party of Hate
John Hinderaker | Powerline

Somebody else must have done something to get Americans so angry. Somebody else must have driven people to the internet by perhaps the millions so they could find out who this Rush Limbaugh really is. Who did it?

Millions of Americans voted for Barack Obama in the hope that he would be a trailblazer who would conduct the presidency in a new way. Well, he has: Obama has been the most divisive president in our modern history, unabashedly stirring up hate against not only his political enemies, but against private citizens who exercise their right to participate in our democracy. The most recent hatefest has been directed against Rush Limbaugh, and Obama has personally stirred the pot.

Got it, John. Just let me ask you: What exactly has Obama “personally” done? Why, John answers, I can barely count all the things the President has done to hurt America. John says that Obama “personally” tore America apart when Bill Maher called Sarah Palin a “cunt.” And also when Bill Maher called Palin a “dumb twat.” And when Bill Maher “contributed $1 million to re-elect Obama.”

John also says Obama “personally” engineered the destruction of civility when Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee refused to condemn Bill Maher for calling Sarah Palin a “cunt” and a “dumb twat.” John also reminds you Obama “personally” decimated the present and future of this great nation when Rep. Jan Schakowsky refused to call for the return of Bill Maher’s donation.

Gaze from top to bottom. The evidence! Take that.

Barack Obama has been a terrible president in many ways, but perhaps his most poisonous legacy is his cynical fomenting of partisan hate to advance his own political interests.

Please, John, stop. Just stop typing before I start to cry.

After three years, we have learned that “hope” is not the word that we should associate with the Obama presidency . .


Oh, lordy. It’s all true…

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Rush Limbaugh: the similar brilliance of Hugo Chavez and Rick Santorum

apoca-lips service, shorter

Pictured (l to r): Satan, spawn of Satan, unknown

Shorter Rush Limbaugh:

At the United Nations, Hugo Chavez called George W. Bush “Satan,” and diplomats laughed. At a Florida university, Rick Santorum called American educators “Satan,” and Matt Drudge laughed. The liberal double standard knows no bounds.

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And if you’re right we should kill every one of them

apoca-lips service, muslin death charge

Andy McCarthy at National Review, the shortest (no kidding):

December 31, 2011
Obama Recruits Qaradawi
The administration is working with a Muslim Brotherhood jurist.

The surrender is complete now.


Andy McCarthy at National Review, the shorter, with plenty more scary:

December 31, 2011
Obama Recruits Qaradawi
The administration is working with a Muslim Brotherhood jurist.

The surrender is complete now. Hindu blah blah blah Obama blah blah blah blah Sheikh Yusuf al-Qaradawi, blah blah Muslim bleh! Brotherhood blah blah, blah boo apocalypse hoo The Taliban.


These idiots think Muslims can’t take over the world. They can and they will.

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Right-Wing Math: Hollywood + Gunman = Muslim

apoca-lips service, muslin death charge

Journalistic (dogshit) blogging:

Saturday, December 10, 2011
HOLLYWOOD JIHAD: SHOOTOUT, GUNMAN CALMLY TARGETED DRIVERS AND PEOPLE WHILE SHOUTING ALLAHU AKBAR!
Pam Geller | Atlas Shrugs

What is most disturbing about this story, apart from the obvious horror, is that not one news account reported what one witness said the shooter was screaming: “allahu akbar.” Not one news account. The media is the enemy.

Check out the video here. One of the witnesses states that the shooter was repeatedly shouting “allahu akbar” at minute 2:42. This video is on the bottom right of the LA Times new story, but they don’t mention it in their coverage — neither does Reuters, CBS news, The Hollywood Reporter, KFAI [sic], or any of the other news reports. I expect that this video will be removed or edited.

I expect not:

Tyler Brehm: Hollywood Shooter Reportedly Had A Tough Breakup Soon Before Vine Street Shooting
Huffington Post | 12/11/11

LOS ANGELES — Friends and neighbors of a gunman who was shot dead by police as he fired randomly at passing cars on a Hollywood street – critically wounding one man – say he was deeply troubled by the recent breakup with his girlfriend . .

Ramon Hernandez, who lived in the apartment next door to Brehm, said the couple had recently moved out. He told KABC-TV that they kept to themselves but he at times heard them arguing. “I could tell that he was an unstable person,” Hernandez said, “but I don’t know the details on what actually made him snap.”

Unless Al Qaeda are merely the unstable and heartbroken, Tyler wasn’t a Muslim terrorist. But don’t let facts dismay you, geniuses:

Zilla of the Resistance reminds us that, since September 11, 2001, nearly EIGHTEEN THOUSAND incidences of workplace violence “deadly islamic jihad terrorist attacks have transpired.”

The long list of the Obama administration’s aggressive support of Islam includes Eric Holder’s lawsuits supporting Shariah law, Janet Napolitano’s cleansing of mention of Islam and jihad from counterterror materials (via Zilla), and Tim Geitner’s [sic] use of taxpayer funds to help Muslim religious authorities collect religious taxes.

“The 2012 Republican primaries will soon be at hand, and it is of utmost importance that the Republican nominee who will challenge Obama for the Presidency is not only cognizant of, but willing to fearlessly fight against the ever increasing force of islamic supremacist infiltration of the United States and the global threat presented by islamic supremacist conquest to freedom loving people everywhere.”

I expect that these posts will be removed or edited.




ADD: You can’t stop patriots . .

December 10, 2011
Gunman Shoots Random Drivers While Screaming “Allahu Akbar” Is This What We Have To Look Forward To In Obama’s Jihad Friendly America?
by safari | sodahead.com

EXCERPTS: Sudden Jihad Syndrome – Hollywood Edition…

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14th Amendment latest reason for Law and Order Party to impeach Barack Obama

apoca-lips service, attack of the wuss, laws

Hey, Rep. Tim Scott from South Carolina. If the president invokes the 14th Amendment, if he says the nation’s debts are constitutionally barred from default, what will you do?

This president is looking to usurp congressional oversight to find a way to get it done without us. My position is that is an impeachable act from my perspective… This is catastrophic. This jeopardizes the credibility of our nation if one man can usurp the entire system set up by our founding fathers over something this significant.

The debt ceiling, heretofore a bottle of Ambien, is now a giant blangor of plutonium. Incidentally, re the ‘oversight’ thing — as per the Constitution, all spending in the federal government originates where, again? Up a congressman’s ass, that’s correct.

Rep. Pete Olson of Texas: you hear what Tim Scott said? Are you guys seriously talking impeachment?

A little bit… He’s not a lonely voice.

You’re right. Not the only voice, ever, since when, still, and forever. Back in March: Rep. Trent Franks of Texas. If Obama won’t press the Defense of Marriage Act in court, Republicans should impeach him, right?

If it could gain the collective support, absolutely.

A year ago, Rep. Lamar Smith of Texas. If Obama doesn’t do better on immigration, that’s impeachable, right?

I think we’re on the verge of being there right now. … Whatever law they’re not enforcing, I think it comes awfully close to a violation of their oath of office.

Whatever law that law is. Like the whatever law that says “A president must violate the 14th Amendment or he will have fondled Tim Scott’s oversight unicorn.”

Last October, Former Rep. Tim Walberg of Michigan. If he won’t show you his birth certificate, Tim, what can you do?

The Executive has an awful lot of power to keep from showing certain things unless the courts will stand up to him. Or unless Congress in majority will stand up, up to and including impeachment.

Right: show me yours or I’ll Senate-testify you broke the law. Lastly, all-around Colorado whack-a-loon Tom Tancredo last year. Hey Tom, didn’t Obama pull down the fences on the border? Isn’t he shuttling Mexican homosexuals into your town?

Mr. Obama’s most egregious and brazen betrayal of our Constitution was his statement to Sen. Jon Kyl, Arizona Republican, that the administration will not enforce security on our southern border… That is, to put it plainly, a decision that by any reasonable standard constitutes an impeachable offense against the Constitution.

I don’t imagine you made that up?

Mr. Obama is a more serious threat to America than al Qaeda.

The Senate will now hear President Mohammed Chavez testify in his own defense.

“Yes! I admit it!”


H/T Think Progress

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Barack’s American hell, TSA pat-down police state, blah-blah . .

apoca-lips service, wingnuts

Attack of the Nazi mongers! Barack Obama’s airport pat-downs destroy lives!

THANKS BARACK
THANKS FOR TURNING AMERICA INTO A POLICE STATE where innocent women and children are molested so that the far left loons can feel good about not profiling.
After all, it would be racist to profile. So instead, everyone gets molested.

Barack Obama has 6 year-old girls, babies and women being molested now at airports because of his far left ideology.
How’s that for hope and change?

Not much, considering the pat-downs are a George W. Bush mechanism. As is this: “Bush Orders Racial Profiling Ban.” The enhanced pat-downs are an Obama administration response to the Underwear Bomber.

Meanwhile, meet the Pearlmans:

. . your regular old converted-to-Christian Southern Californians, from a prominent Jewish family. Playing baseball, eating apple pie, choking on the smog in Riverside.

The sharper-eyed among you will remember that the kid on the right is none other than Adam Gadahn. The American Al Qaeda, “Azzam the American.” You would profile Adam Pearlman, how, exactly?

Ah, the beard! Of course. In preparation for his suicide-bombing a jetliner out of the sky, I can’t imagine he’d shave it off.

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Harold Camping’s Rapture. Lamest. Trick. Ever.

*holes, apoca-lips service

Oh — hey there, barely noticed you. Uh, pre-occupied, myself. Got a splinter in my middle finger that’s driving me nuts. Been scratching at it, putting my thumbnail on it, maybe I can get it wif my teef unn hmmmnumphnurmnummm . .

Harold Camping reaffirms October date for the end of the world, says May 21 date was ‘invisible judgment day’
Washington Post | Tuesday, May 24

Radio evangelist Harold Camping said in a special broadcast Monday night on his radio program Open Forum that his predicted May 21, 2011 Rapture was “an invisible judgment day“ that he has come to understand as a spiritual, rather than physical event.

OH COME ON. What the hell, Harold?

“We had all of our dates correct,” Camping insisted, clarifying that he now understands that Christ’s May 21 arrival was “a spiritual coming” ushering in the last five months before the final judgment and destruction.

In an hour and a half broadcast, Camping walked listeners through his numerological timeline, insisting that his teaching has not changed and that the world will still end on October 21, 2011.

BLAH BLAH OCTOBER 21ST. My god man, you must think we’re dumb as bugs. Listen, buddy, I’ll cut to the chase because I’m sick of you: nothing will happen on October 21st. NOTHING. ZIP. ZERO. LIFE WILL GO ON.

Enough. We’re all on to your little ruse, Harold. We know it’s a grift. The only mystery is what the rules of the game will be next time.

Post-initiation preparation for the main event? Sundown reception in the Limbo room with Gabriel the Magnificent? Cosmic three card Apocalypse, anyone?

Follow the Apocalypse, keep your eye on the Apocalypse at all times. Right, left, left, right and center — only three places it could be, ladies and gentlemen, step right up . .

. . cuz, hell, it’s your Rapture, now, isn’t it? That’s one of my rules in life: once you pull it out of your ass, it’s yours. Pull it out of your ass, twice, and you’re David Blaine. Hey, Harry — where will The End show up next?

HAROLD: Okay. Go ahead and tell the crowd what your card was, Zeke.

ZEKE: . . uh, it was the Armageddon of diamonds.

HAROLD: Hmm. Tell me, Zeke, did you step in something on your way here?

ZEKE: . . well . . [looks at sole of shoe] . . WHAT THE FUCK!

CONGREGATION: [applause]


. . once again — Camping! The Master of Micro-Catastrophe:

HAROLD: Okay, Lillie. Put your hands in mine.

LILLIE: [lays hands] Okay. [giggles] This feels weird.

HAROLD: Now, pick a biblical manner of destruction — anything wrathful and inescapable. But don’t say it out loud, merely concentrate upon it, Lillie. Concentrate on the end of existence with all your might.

LILLIE: Okay. [giggles]

HAROLD: Hmmmm . . mmm . . yes. I can see it. I see it now.
Say, Lillie — would you happen to have the time?

LILLIE: Sure, it’s, uh . . [looks at watch] . . wha . .

HAROLD: . . yeesss . .

LILLIE: . . RAPTURE O’NNHILATION?

CROWD: OOOOOooooohhh . . .


If only we could bury this clown alive.

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Harold Camping’s recurring nightmare: we’re all safe and sound

*holes, apoca-lips service, christianists, ffail

Here I am. There you are. I’m thirsty. I could use some groceries.

Harold Camping: 1994?
Stephen C. Meyers | Christian Research Institute

In his book 1994? Harold Camping states the end of the world may occur this year, somewhere between September 15-17 (p. 531). He does not know the exact day because Scripture says “no man knows the day nor the hour” (Matt. 24:36). But according to Camping we can certainly know the month and the year that Christ will return.

That was his first fuzzy attempt at apocalypto-scamming the world: September 16-ish, 1994. His second grift, today’s rapture, is going badly. Not for us, though, of course — it’s a beautiful day.

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May 21st doomsdayer Harold Camping is an asshole

*holes, apoca-lips service, christianists

Harold Camping is a christianist radio broadcaster, the source and star of Family Radio broadcasting, a group of 150 stations across the United States. Harold has famously predicted the obliteration of the world tomorrow. A great earthquake will shatter the world, he says, coughing up every coffin in the ground and beginning the end of all existence, culminating in an October 21st existential coup de grace.

He’s wrong, of course. Thousands upon thousands of people across millennia have foretold the end of all existence, and everyone has been wrong. And not a little wrong: 100% perfectly wrong, 100% of the time.

I’d say it’s one thing for someone to be an idiot, but it’s another for someone to abuse a position of trust for personal gain and glory. Family Radio looks like a middling but potent Christian media source that ministers to vulnerable people. Rather than help these people, Camping has chosen to twist their minds, unforgivably. I’m disgusted by the guy and the media attention he’s gotten.

I’m not the only one. Hey Harold, old people have been donating their bank accounts to you because you say the world’s ending on the 21st. On the 22nd, will you give them their money back?

Harold Camping: “No.” Nobody told them to do that . .

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me — May 22nd will be judgment, the second day of judgment day. Uh, uh [nervous laughter] we don’t know what, how, what’s going to happen to Family Radio on that first day or to any, to the banks, or anybody else. We have no idea, at all.

But it’s gonna be horrible, it’s gonna be a horror story that we absolutely cannot conceive of. Millions of people will die on that day and every day thereafter. And, uh, it’s, it’s, this, this kind of conversation, what will, will, what will we do the next day . . that doesn’t make — it’s nonsense, it is utter nonsense. Because IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

Asshole.

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‘Saggy pants’ legislation to fight Lady Gaga, Texan gang rape in Florida

*holes, apoca-lips service, fancy thinkin', wingnuts

Don’t want a bunch of busted-up houses in my neighborhood. Don’t want a bunch of shady characters lurking in the alleys. Don’t want a bunch of lurid billboards either, or the local retailers dominated by purveyors of XXX paraphernalia and hard liquor.

I’d be alarmed to see a bunch of that because they’re usually indicators of deeper problems. But if even if you ignore that, there’s another, immediate, worry: they create a crappy environment. And when the environment goes bad, people almost always follow.

So I can understand if parents don’t want their kids in schools where the environment works against them. If the students are wandering around barely dressed, or showing up to P.E. in leather and lingerie, that will certainly do it. I’m with you there, Florida, go ahead and handle that.

But hasn’t that always been something principals and teachers were obsessed with? I can’t imagine any time in the history of the country when educators weren’t hawking kids about their dress and behavior. It comes with the professional territory, like mechanics telling you to change your oil. So why is Florida pushing this bill?

‘Sagging pants’ bill passes House committee
Jodie Tillman | March 15, 2011

. . “This pro-family, pro-education, pro-jobs bill provides each school district … adopt a student dress code of conduct, a policy that explains to each student their responsibility,” she said. “This would make for a better school district and more productive students.”

The bill passed the subcommittee unanimously.

Let me first point out that the bill is sponsored by two Democrats. Let me now add how hilarious the radiating ‘support’ for this bill is. If the appearance of this effort isn’t a chance for wingnuts to welcome and then deflect oblivion, I would be disappointed. But, no, they relieve me with a supernatural grasp of . . uh . .

“Although no rigidly academic analysis of the history of ‘sagging’ has yet been conducted, it is commonly thought that ‘sagging’ originated in prisons where belts are not issued because they may be used to commit suicide or used as weapons. The lack of belts combined with loose, ill-fitting pants result in pants falling below the waist.”

. . things like that. The saggy pant is a penitentiary pant. How students figured that out, whatever, but it’s why the kids wear it, often two at a time. It’s a double-barreled assault on law and order. They’re already drinking Pruno at recess, fergawdsake. If we soon don’t tell them how to dress, they’ll be tying up the guards and hucking braided jump ropes over the concertina.

“The bill says proper attire, it doesn’t say anything about saggy pants,” [Brian Pitts] said, adding that it’s necessary these days when students are trying to dress like Beyonce, Madonna and Lady Gaga.

“Set a standard that’s proper, and Lady Gaga can stand outside, Madonna can stay outside, Beyonce can stay outside. All those other people can stay outside … Oh, by the way, (rapper) 50 Cent can stay outside too.”

Get out, Madonna! Heck, all you disheveled grannies — SHOO! Dear Pat Boone: TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF MY SCHOOL. Get thee to an infirmary, you’re older than any 3 manatees alive.

Now Lady Gaga — there goes trouble. Constantly scratching at the windows, with a 60 Minutes crew in tow, so she can suddenly set up in the quad and break into video. Christ, here come the kids from Glee, I see a nasty dance off coming . . sit down, all of you! I SAID SIT DOWN. Well, there it is, the end of the world. Happy?

One committee member, Rep. Kathleen Passidomo (R-Naples) said she’d read recently a horrible story out of Texas about the rape of a young girl.

. . oh no. Don’t say it. DON’T you DARE blame that poor girl.

“There was an article about an 11 year old girl who was gangraped in Texas by 18 young men because she was dressed like a 21-year-old prostitute,” she said. “And her parents let her attend school like that. And I think it’s incumbent upon us to create some areas where students can be safe in school and show up in proper attire so what happened in Texas doesn’t happen to our students.”

AAAAUUUGHH. Well, it was fun for a little while.

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