Category: attack of the wuss

Right hand up and repeat after me: Fuck Texas Judges

Of course Your Honor will stay. But you really need to go.

Donald Trump’s election looms over a U.S. citizenship ceremony in San Antonio, as the judge presiding over the ceremony says if you don’t like that Trump will be president, go to another country.

“I can assure you that whether you voted for him or you did not vote for him, if you are a citizen of the United States, he is your president,” Judge John Primomo said. “He will be your president and if you do not like that, you need to go to another country.”

Now that you’ve become a U.S. citizen, now that you’re even more like the other 50-something percent of us who despise racism, misogyny and wholesale fuckishness, you need to leave. You need to abandon your family and your precious dreams. Because Judge Primomo’s name popped up on on the roster for weekend duties.

The room at the Institute of Texan Cultures Thursday night was a melting pot, a collection of hopeful faces…

Taco Bueno. It was a Taco Bueno.

“I detest that, because you can protest things that happen in this country; you have every right to,” Judge Primomo said. “You don’t do that by offending national symbols like the national anthem and the flag of the United States.”

I hate when rioters don’t come with chips and salsa. And I love a good chalupa, not that anybody bothered to asked me. Why don’t you people think about somebody other than yourselves? Why not ask us what we want every once in awhile? I could really go for a protest, shoot.

Share

Scott Adams goes Lee Harvey Oswald (for Trump!)

Still rockin’ the Master Persuader hypothesis, or something, Randian uber-branding self promoter and neuro-audiologist Scott Adams checks in with us once again to tell us how Donald Trump is still…I don’t know…winning? Or losing but, c’mon, unfair?

As of today, Clinton has the superior persuasion strategy. Crook beats monster.

Is Hillary now the Master Persuader?

Reality isn’t a factor in this election, as per usual. If the truth mattered, voters might care that the Democratic primaries were rigged against Sanders. They might care that the Clinton Foundation looks like a pay-to-play scheme. They might care that the FBI gave Clinton a free pass.

Nasty woman! Lies. But I thought the whole point of persuasion was to convince people of your own point of view. Why would the Dark Mistress, Clinton, be spouting Trump’s talking points? I’m not sure Scott has thought this all the way through. And if “the truth mattered”, why would anyone care that “the Clinton Foundation looks like a pay-to-play scheme”? I mean, who cares what Dilbert’s pal thinks about it? When it’s really a pretty generous charity? Ooooh I get it – Scott is working the ole’ persuasion. Really very sneaky (…he be a certificated genius). We now return to the crypto-linguistic semiotics:

Clinton’s team of persuaders have successfully crafted Trump’s offensive language and hyperbole into an illusion that he’s a sexist/racist in some special way that is different from the average citizen. The reality is that everyone is a little bit sexist and a little bit racist. We’re all wired that way. There’s no escape if you are human.

As if Clintonistas were in the Access Hollywood bus back then. Waving guerilla cue cards at the defenseless Donald: ACT LIKE AN ASS. And SAY PUSSY LADIES LOVE THAT. Of course the candidate obliged, because he’s wired in a certain way, and he’s like all of us, only human, born to maaake mistaaaakes. Or in scientific terms: Cha-ching! persuasion, bitch.

I can’t change anyone’s mind if they see Trump as a monster. So instead I will make you a promise.

Scott made a case long ago that Trump is a 98% lock for the presidency, but the number has since shrunk about tenfold. He’s made little headway convincing America to go for his candidate. So now he’s going to try something different. Will you take him at his word?

My promise: If Trump gets elected, and he does anything that looks even slightly Hitler-ish in office, I will join the resistance movement and help kill him.

Vote Trump now, and Scott will assassinate him later.

Alright. I’m listening.

That’s an easy promise to make, and I hope my fellow citizens would use their Second Amendment rights to rise up and help me kill any Hitler-type person who rose to the top job in this country, no matter who it is.

OH, you nearly had me there. But getting somebody else to do your dirty work is a deal killer. If you’d been man enough to promise to blow Trump’s brains out, that would have been one thing. But hiding in the back of a pack of gun nuts and then ducking into a Starbucks at the first chance does not persuade me of the size of your balls. Which would have to be steely, and sizable, indeed, for me to vote for sex criminal Donald Trump. But you know. Nice try, cartoon boy.

Share

Here’s your Saturday Evening Donald Trump is getting screwed because The Messicans HOT TAKE

Bless ole’ Ann Coulter. If she did not exist we would have to invent, then bust out laughing at, her.

Ssssizzling. Much-The-Same Ann ‘pro-Pussy Grabber’ Coulter: “This is an attempt to let millions of Messicans squat in my chifferobe because John McCuck won’t vote #NouveauKlan.”

Loosers! This has been…Saturday Evening with a HOT TAKE.

Share

Dean’s Troubles: Atheists, children and women.

I came upon this classic blog-rant on Memeorandum. The proprietor of Dean’s World gets plenty cheesed when people chide Catholics like him, even more so when they criticize the Church.

I’m sick of hearing bigots squawk about “Hitler’s Pope” and “ratlines” and “pedophile priests” and “being an enemy of science” and “burning Galileo” and “the Jesuits invented the modern Social Justice movement” or other gross distortions or outright fabrications.

Pointing out the mistreatment of Galileo or the timidity of Pius XII during the Holocaust is hurling bodily secretions (“spitting” and “crap”) in poor Dean’s direction so please refrain. Or else. This is not a request, this is your undoing.

Here’s the truth: the Catholic Church is almost certainly the least violent institution on the planet for anything close to its size and history–and in your heart you damn well know it, at least in terms of today’s Church.

It’s the least violent institution in all our history…at least in terms of today’s Church. The same could be said of today’s Charles Manson. Or of our contemporary plague.

And if you do any real investigating you’ll know it’s not just today’s Church; any reasonable analysis supports that Christianity brought peace throughout its history far more than it brought war and suffering and intolerance.

Dean’s ‘reasonable’ analysis: Formidable. Dean’s ‘factual’ analysis: Evanescent. Anyway here’s the screed’s big point:

Christians almost never live perfectly up to their ideals but the Church is inherently nonviolent–and honest people know this. What’s the Church ever really done to you except have ideas you don’t like? Or done something bad that couldn’t just as easily have been done by someone or something outside the Church?

To wit: “The Church is the largest and greatest institution in history, bringing us divinity, peace, art, science, and culture…but it’s only men.” Right, how could it be otherwise?

So Dean is playing the double-sided authoritarian. The pious and papists have all earned the power and influence they’ve accrued over the centuries – not to mention the thousands of billions in tithing and the planet’s greatest collection of art, some of it not merely stolen – but of course they’ve also raped children. Because c’mon, as if you wouldn’t do the same thing. Who did you think the Pope’s consorts were, a bunch of saints?

…NO, you [Christians] damn well don’t get special dispensation to tar innocent people if you were abused by someone within the Church. Innocents do not deserve to have you hold the crimes of others against them for all eternity. The Church leadership made mistakes. It was unbelievably painful. We owned it. Now how are Protestants doing with this issue?

Take that also-nauseating scumbags.

And, bigger question, for you smirking nonreligious secularists: what are you doing about the much bigger problem among government employees like teachers and female prison guards?

The first link there is a five point counter argument against kiddie-reaming being a Church thing, etc:

FACT: Catholic priests abuse at a rate far lower than that of other males in the general population.

Why can’t Percy the shut-in have the same shot at teaching Sunday school as Father Concepción? Hmm? The more relevant question would be ‘Is there some way he can dodge jail and keep his job, too?’ It’s also a relief to know that only four percent of the world’s 400,000 Catholic priests are pedophiles (phew). Jesus, I love data. That second link goes straight back to A Voice For Men, the bro’s rights activist sludge pit. Could it be that Dean’s World is run by the oh-so manly Dean Esmay?

dean-esmay

Sure.

Share

Carly Fiorina. Fuck Marry Kill.

There’s not much left for our nasty friend Carly Fiorina to do. Put up a brave face for the Fox News cameras and bid America ‘so long.’ Take the limo back to campaign headquarters. Turn off all the computers, close out all the accounts. Pick a kindly underling to issue all the Buh’Byes and shoo the rats out the door.

But silly, that’s not Carly!

Republican presidential candidate Carly Fiorina slammed Hillary Clinton — and her marriage — this morning on MSNBC.

“If my husband had done some of the things Bill Clinton had done, I would have left him long ago,” Fiorina said…

She’s going to hang around and trash the Clintons.

“Unlike another woman in this race, I actually love spending time with my husband,” Fiorina said.

She’s going to invent new ways to bring down her cursed enemies.

“Bill can sleep with all the fat interns he wants, but then I would never let him back in my bed. Are you kidding me?”

I have to say. This is breaking new ground politics-wise.

“And she’s like ‘What do I care?’ My gosh Chris, what’s that about? And Hillary thinks she’s qualified to be president!?”

Credit Ms. Fiorina for bringing ‘Fuck Marry Kill’ to the forefront of our presidential campaigns.

Of the many weird things about this, the weirdest might be that it makes nobody want to vote for candidate Carly Fiorina, Everyone’s Wife. This just makes people wonder about the Clintons. But then we’ve wondered about the Clintons since 1991 so…boring. Digby says:

The other day when the donor lists to various campaigns were revealed many noticed an odd curiosity about Fiorina’s donations. A pro-Cruz super PAC controlled by millionaire Robert Mercer (who had written checks for 5 million to Cruz’s effort) sent $500,0000 to Carly Fiorina’s super PAC. How often does it happen that a PAC for one candidate helps one of its rivals in a primary campaign? But New York Times reporter Amy Chozick cleared up the mystery when she tweeted:

“Fiorina finance chairs told me supporters of other candidates have thrown them $$$ to have a woman in race attacking HRC.”

Now that makes sense.

It appears that Carly Fiorina took half a million dollars to sleep with President Clinton. What a…ahem.

Share

Then he dug up a copy of Deep Throat on Vimeo

In the midst of all this naked racism and the popularity of its great Republican purveyor, sheesh…have you read Molly Ball’s piece in The Atlantic? This is sad.

“I remember seeing Muslims around the world celebrating after 9/11,” says Chip Matthews, a 63-year-old retired carpentry teacher in glasses with tinted lenses. So what if it was the Mideast and not New Jersey? “The basic point, I think, is true,” he says…

Barnhill, the man with the “balls” button, says, “Like he says, people have got to abide by the law. And unfortunately, a lot of minorities don’t.”

Donald is tapping into the worse angels of our nature.

“I’m against the anchor babies, and I’m against the Muslims,” says Kathy Parker, a tiny former elementary-school teacher with gold hoop earrings. “We can’t have churches in their countries—why should they have mosques in ours? He is the only one with the guts to speak out and say it.”

This Kathy person is essentially an anti-American. An anti-Constitutionalist. Anyway, in the midst of all this sinister stupidity I’m thankful today for the benign version.

Google deems Bernie Sanders’ economic plan a ‘phishing scam’

Over at Rev. Moon’s Washington Times, political reporter Stephen Dinan has got the Bernie Sanders campaign backed into a corner. The lede:

Democratic presidential hopeful Bernard Sanders’ economic plan triggered Gmail’s “phishing scam” antenna, with the mail system saying the senator’s liberal campaign promises — including lower prescription drug prices and free college for all — sound like frauds.

Forget the ‘who what when where’ of muck-raking journalism. All you need to do to break the next Watergate scandal is click a link in your e-mail and then watch what your computer does next.

“Be careful with this message. It contains content that’s typically used to steal personal information,” Gmail said in a bright red warning box that appeared at the top of a message sent by Mr. Sanders’ campaign Friday, laying out his “Agenda for Working Families.”

Is this Dinan good, or what? Most the rest of us would’ve started slapping our monitors, but he knew better. The Google is seeing right through your facade, Senator.

“A regression in the spam filter’s machine learning framework was determined to be the root cause. The issue affected only a very small percentage of the overall email received by Gmail and it has now been resolved,” the representative said.

Oops. That’s not it.

Ira Winkler, president of Secure Mentem and a cybersecurity specialist, said the campaign likely triggered Gmail’s filters because it included phrases that spammers use to try to sell prescription drugs and by offering things free of charge — in this case, the promise to pay for education at public colleges and universities.

There. THAT’S it. The corruption of debt-free education – whew, good thing Google caught it. Here’s the real-life screenshot Dinan provided:

sanders scam

So, you see? He wasn’t lying. This really did happen in his e-mail, the way he said it did. Meanwhile, after clicking on his SandersScam post, the multi-tentacled Moonie Times opened up three new browser windows in my box (not tabs – windows), including an offer to attend one of those ‘Rich Uncle, Poor Uncle’ seminars, which of course is in no way a scam. As is nothing and no one remotely associated with the Rev. Moon.

Share

Bristol: Imma bust you up ‘Bama

Have I got this straight? A race-revoltin’ development, Bristol Palin can hardly believe it:

In case you missed it. The President invited Ahmed Mohamed to visit the White House to show the President his homemade clock. The fourteen year old was arrested after someone reported that he was building a bomb.

This was after an ATF agent in line at a local Starbucks caught a whiff of ozone and the sound of ululating coming from a mosque next door. And when the Feds broke down the door, Ahmed turned around to face the raid and was, like, “FALAFEL?” and got himself arrested. Right, right?

OR was this Ahmed just a science-y fourteen year old high school kid? And when he brought his homemade clock to school the Palin-brained English teacher freaked out after hearing it go ‘boom‘ ‘beep’ in his backpack and had the nerd arrested? I’m sure you can all see this is just a simple misunderstanding, there’s no sense in calling anybody a ‘racist.’ Ahmed is an Arab, and a Muslim, and you know how those people like to show off their IEDs.

The “reported” bomber:

“No, I never said anything about, ‘I have a bomb,'” he added. “Never.” He said the interrogation “made me feel like I wasn’t human — it made me feel like a criminal.”…

Ahmed told the Morning News that when he was taken into the room for questioning, an officer said, “Yup. That’s who I thought it was.” Ahmed, whose family immigrated to the US from Sudan, said he started feeling self-conscious about his Muslim name and brown skin.

The officers reportedly asked him whether he tried to make a bomb. Ahmed said he told them it was just a clock. After the questioning, the police led Ahmed out of school in handcuffs.

The President read about it.

What a nice man, this Obama fellow. Oh right this is where Bristol Palin came in: What a baaaad man.

This is the kind of stuff Obama needs to STAY out of. This encourages more racial strife that is already going on with the “Black Lives Matter” crowd and encourages victimhood.

Here’s something Bristol knows a little about. This ‘controversy’ (pfft) is more like a rockin’ little house party that broke out into a brawl. The Palins are holding up their usual end of the deal, swinging away with the racists, and all the Muslim clock-makers are on the other side. Everyone is having a grand time beating the hell out of each other, with pieces of clothing and broken teeth flying everywhere, when all of a sudden Sheriff Obama pulls up and wants to shut it down. And here is Bristol screaming “STAY OUT OF THIS PAL” through her dress, which is now way up over her head after being dragged around like a sack of potatoes.

Share

To be as decent (or deadly) as Ruth Marcus

Sometime in September Congress will have to vote on Obama’s anti-nuke agreement with Iran. And the Republicans have been decent enough to tell us their innermost thoughts about that. They’ve pointed out the uncanny similarities between the president and Neville Chamberlain and guaranteed us the Jews will once again be marched to the ovens.

For the rest of us – including the treaty’s chief proponent – this is all B-movie stock and a little absurd and perhaps worthy of some eye-rolling. For WaPo columnist Ruth Marcus though the un-seriousness on our part pains her greatly and, we assume, prods her to raise her finger, wave it around at us and pointedly lecture this – dear, what shall we call him? – this “President.” And I think I speak for everyone when I say Thanks Ruth because I’m not sure where we’d be without the Stepford Wife of centrism.

President Obama says those who oppose the Iran nuclear deal are either ideological or illogical. I support the deal, yet I think this assessment is incorrect and unfair. It diminishes the president’s case for congressional approval.

In Marcusville, the burgeoning Beltway exurb, the making of pointed arguments diminishes whatever arguments you’re making. You might think it convenient for one to have “facts”, and you may be of the opinion they argue substantially for one’s “side”, but actually saying them out loud is hardly any way to practice politics. You never see Dwight Eisenhower behaving this way, do you? And let’s put aside that the general is long since dead and Ruth’s memory is obviously shot. Let’s instead just agree that she knows a ruffian when she sees one.

Obama once understood, even celebrated, this gray zone of difficult policy choices…

The new Obama, hardened and embittered — the one on display in his American University speech last week and in the follow-up spate of interviews — has close to zero tolerance for those who reach contrary conclusions.

It’s a hardened and embittered president who would disagree with someone trying to trash his treaty. Why can’t he be more soft and cuddly, this man? Why can’t he take a little time to understand and then perhaps even celebrate his opponents’ sensible objections?

“You have created a possible death sentence for Israel,” [Lindsey Graham] declared on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.”

“This is a virtual declaration of war against Sunni Arabs,” he said.

“This is the most dangerous, irresponsible step I have ever seen in the history of watching the Mideast. Barack Obama, John Kerry, have been dangerously naive,” he added.

In this case, why can’t he say “I understand your criticism of my hard-won agreement Senator Graham. Which of course amounts to Fuck You, Barack. And I want you to know I will take your advice – It’s a Holocaust! – under serious consideration.” Would that be so hard? Really? “And like any other reasonable Commander-in-Chief, I welcome all of your opinions on bombing Iran.”

This Obama does not grant the legitimacy of his opponents’ concerns; he questions their bona fides in expressing them. “Many of the same people who argued for the war in Iraq are now making the case against the Iran nuclear deal,” he observed.

Look here, just because John Bolton said these things about Iraq:

“We are confident that Saddam Hussein has hidden weapons of mass destruction and production facilities in Iraq.” He added that, “the Iraqi people would be unique in history if they didn’t welcome the overthrow of this dictatorial regime,” and that … “the American role [in post-war Iraq] actually will be fairly minimal.”

…that shouldn’t preclude him from joining the adult conversation. It doesn’t mean his current opinions on Iran (NYT: “To Stop Iran’s Bomb, Bomb Iran”) shouldn’t be discussed as if they recently emanated from a burning bush, and then ultimately validated.

The inconvenient truth is that only military action like Israel’s 1981 attack on Saddam Hussein’s Osirak reactor in Iraq or its 2007 destruction of a Syrian reactor, designed and built by North Korea, can accomplish what is required.

Bolton happens to be a blood-stained Republican who has killed thousands of Americans in the past, why can’t the president respect that? Is it too much to ask he spend a little time listening to John thoughtfully? As well to all of his pact’s other critics, who only want what Israel does – that America never make any deal with Iran under any circumstances, no matter what?

I think after having heard them all out, every last one of the warpath right-wing, with all their identical opinions, the president could then make quite a robust argument against his own agreement.

The more the president makes that case, the less he insults his critics — yes, even the ones who insult him as a feckless, naive negotiator — the better.

…the more the president makes that case – yes, even to deaf ears, in deferential phrases and dulcet tones please – the better. Because ultimately the multi-national arglebargle, with all its foofy designs on avoiding war and reducing atomic weapons abroad, isn’t really all that important compared to fostering an air of middle-American civility and meaningless respect back here at home. Where I, Ruth Marcus, just happen to live. I’ll have you know I believe all of this generally and universally though I would never be interested in seeing it realized on the other side. Because everybody knows the Republicans are a seething swarm of Glock-toting Daddies who never listen to anybody – to me, a WaPo employee, least of all. It’s not like I’m stupid. Thank you all, this has been…“Barack Obama: Embittered and unfair over Iran.”

Share

Great moments in liberal media

On Tuesday, after the terms of the Iran accord were announced, CBS News’ Major Garrett asked President Obama:

“Can you tell the country, sir, why you are content — with all the fanfare around this deal — to leave the conscience of this nation and the strength of this nation unaccounted for in relation to these four Americans?”

…but friends, please don’t accuse Garrett of behaving un-professionally or asking un-answerable questions. He happens to be the rare reporter who keeps tabs on the conscience and the strength of this nation, and we’re very fortunate to have him.

Share

Gay marriage going to destroy us all and told ya so

If, after yesterday’s gay marriage ruling, you thought the Flying Monkeys of Value would quietly assemble outside the Supreme Court and serenade it with a rendition of “Amber is the Color of Your Energy”, you would be wrong.

1.) “This is the most monumental ruling of any court, by any nation in the history of the world,” Gallups said….

“These are the beginnings of the very last days”…

2.) “If ever a time the phrase ‘Now the end begins’ meant something, it is now.”

“…the Supreme Court of the United States has just declared that reality and biology no longer exist…”

3.) “June 26, 2015: the day the twin towers of truth and righteousness were blown up by moral jihadists”…

“With the DOMA decision, we have ceased to be a constitutional republic. The words “We the People” are now meaningless”…

“June 26, 2015: I saw Satan dancing with delight, the day the music died in the United States of America.”

4.) “I think there’s an attempt to destroy the institution of marriage and I think it will cause, literally cause the destruction of our country”…

5.) “Society itself is at risk and cannot continue.”

If this is how they handle a setback at the Supreme Court I can only imagine how they’d act in an actual emergency. If they weren’t currently merely being kicked in their Old Testament Teeth, but in real life.

Let’s say World War II were to break out tomorrow – what would the God-botherers do? Well the handful who didn’t suffer a disabling bowel evacuation, disappear between the pews, or suddenly begin to dress in exotic fashion, with delightful bamboo accents borrowed obviously from the bowler-topped Imperial style, would be asked to join the Army. Begged to join the Army. And the sturdy one or three who actually managed to crawl on their bellies, drooling and quivering, as far as the recruiting station would end up becoming soldiers. You can bet those Christ-huggers would only spend every bit of their valuable wartime haunting the barracks to make sure you weren’t keeping any pinups of Bobby Grable over your bunk. Semper Fi, precious.

Share

It’s as if you’d prefer to first-person shoot ME

The latest victim of America’s anti-Christian campaign.

“I decided to go down a path that most developers are afraid to go down: to piss these people off by making the most overly offensive game possible to these idiots to prove a point.”

Because ‘these people’…what?

“These people that think if you are even remotely homophobic, you are ‘hateful’ and a ‘bigot,’ and do everything they can to destroy you in every vicious way possible…”

Randall may have a point there. So he went to Steam’s website and downloaded their software. After a few hours of work, he posted his own first-person shooter game called “Kill The Faggot.”

The resulting YouTube video revealed a crude game that has players aim a bullseye to shoot and kill people who say such things as, “Can I put my weiner in your butt?” and “Whoops, I just dropped the soap.” …It’s hard to make a judgment call about the “most” offensive thing in this game, but we were particularly disturbed to hear the game’s announcer celebrate a kill by saying, “AIDS carrier eliminated.”

As you might guess, with its narrator calling “Fag down!” Randall’s diversion violated Steam’s terms of service (note: this may have been by design). So “Kill The Faggot” was promptly taken offline. Game over man, God’s XBoxer proved his point.

Herman claimed that he received e-mails “wishing physical harm on me” in response to the game, though he did not quote any of those e-mails to clarify what those threats were. He called the game development industry “overly sensitive and easily offended…”

Please note that Bible-man has his own line of kicks:

what would jesus wear

Hello my name is Randall and I just started a Christian show company called Devotor Footwear. It is the first Christian skate shoe company that aims to spread the gospel through the action sports industry. I want to get your opinions on the shoes, and help spread the word of this company so I can then spread the words of Christ.

Share

Allen West on the greatness of an anonymous black man’s meaningless death

…and there he was with his eyes rolled back in his head, turning circles on the living room floor while his favorite Simple Minds song played on the radio. When somehow a white cop shot down another black man but this time it was on camera.

You just have to wonder how long the media and black activists will try and milk this one in a case where the justice system clearly worked.

Sweet justice. How gratifying it is to see the Supreme Court flush out that one rotten American policeman and throw him in the slammer. Now will Jane Fonda only shut the hell up? OOH NOO she’s going to go on and on about it. She’s going to say the only thing that ‘clearly worked’ was a bystander’s cellphone. She’s going to say all the other rotten policemen don’t care. She’s going to say the chance of this peace officer getting convicted of homicide in South Carolina is the same as a snowball getting a fire insurance policy in hell. Really what a tireless bitch.

So there will be no need for protests and Al Sharpton making a trip for some shrimp and grits.

No no, it’s alright folks. This is Allen West and seriously he is “black.”

This is a time where we can turn this tragedy into triumph. It’s a time when we can turn the page and not proliferate a victim mentality but advance the spirit of victors.

Everybody altogether: WALTER’S FREAKING DEAD and WE WON. I can’t help but feel that if the exact same cop had shot Terri Schiavo eight times in the back there would be little to cheer about. There would more likely be a civil war and Allen B. Bannerquote STEADFAST AND LOYAL would never ever surrender.

Share
Next