Category: christians amen

A model of Republican leadership

Meet the latest version of the Great Republican Candidate, Gordon Klingenschmitt.

Doctor ChapsI said “you foul spirit of lesbianism, this woman has renounced you, come out of her in Jesus’ name” and she began to wrestle with that and suddenly her eyes began to bug out and then she began to weep, and weep, and weep as the Holy Spirit forgave her sins.

She was baptized the next day and then she became one of the best evangelists in our church, started carrying around her Bible telling all of her friends about Jesus and she started dating boys.

Dr. Chaps, as he calls himself, is running for Colorado congress in the 15th district.

We can see the demonic spirit of adultery in people like that. And, of course, when we apply this to Madonna, she does much the same thing, right? She’s out there pandering with sexuality, and she does it for money. And she’s out there seducing people to death.

That’s an issue for the new congressman to immediately address. Have ye faith in your Republican party, Coloradans? Then when a public servant of this mental illness caliber comes up for office, cry out: Callooh Callay! Huzzah!

So for example, Julius Genachowski, the outgoing FCC chairman, who works apparently in collusion with President Obama, has not enforced decency standards in even four years…

So there’s perhaps a demonic spirit of tyranny or immorality inside of him…the demonic spirit influences him to abuse and, dare I say, molest and visually rape your children.

[Must we remind? No means no, tyranny demon.] Tell the Party of Lincoln – thank you.

There is a spirit of hiding, a spirit of secrecy…it’s got its roots in a satanic evil spirit of violation, of tyranny really…

Let’s pray: Father in Heaven, we pray against the domestic enemies of the Constitution against this demon of tyranny who is using the White House occupant. And that demonic spirit is oppressing us. Father we command it to leave.

Go on, say it loud…I’m bananas and I’m proud.

The openly homosexual Congressman Jared Polis (D-CO) introduced a revised bill to force Christian employers and business owners to hire and promote homosexuals with ZERO RELIGIOUS EXEMPTIONS for Christians who want to opt out…

Democrats like Polis want to bankrupt Christians who refuse to worship and endorse his sodomy. Next he’ll join ISIS in beheading Christians, but not just in Syria, right here in America.

I’m sooo jealous.


Off we go, into the blue oyster culter

Why the American Air Force is full of god-bothering loons I don’t know. It’s just been that way for years.

…the Air Force would not accept his contract because he had crossed out the phrase “so help me God.” The airman was told his only options were to sign the religious oath section of the contract without adjustment and recite an oath concluding with “so help me God,” or leave the Air Force, the AHA said.

One of us! One of us! How very Medieval.

Air Force Instruction 36-2606 spells out the active-duty oath of enlistment, which all airmen must take when they enlist or reenlist and ends with “so help me God.” The old version of that AFI included an exception: “Note: Airmen may omit the words ‘so help me God,’ if desired for personal reasons.”

Oops sorry, how very modern. It’s not just an appalling Federal vale of Christianity, it’s of EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANITY. There are no alternatives to that, as you know. There is your Jesus, and there is you’re Satan’s rotisserie chicken for brunch. If you don’t yet realize how harsh it will be, being nibbled on by Satan, Airman Freshface will soon be here to tell you.

Colorado Springs is a nasty Jesus cult:

There have been complaints at the academy that a Jewish cadet was told the Holocaust was revenge for the death of Jesus and that another Jew was called a Christ killer by a fellow cadet. A banner in the football team’s locker room read: “I am a Christian first and last … I am a member of Team Jesus Christ.”

Also, there have been complaints that cadets were pressured to attend chapel, that academy staffers put New Testament verses in government e-mail, and that cadets used the e-mail system to encourage others to see the Mel Gibson movie “The Passion of the Christ.”

Over 4,000 flyers raving about the Gibson torture-fest were put down at dinner seats. Cadets who wanted to see the film were given time off, and the heathens were confined to barracks.


The sheep don’t speak of the shepherd

E.J. Dionne is a good man. And I suppose, when the Catholic Church is looking to find a new ventriloquist for its Dark Age lord, an industry publication writer should crank out something. They don’t pay him to review those high heel v. quaking mouse clips, after all. And there are two billion souls in bondage to Pharaoh Sin. So finding the next jerk is a newsworthy task.

But this is silly:

The best choice for pope? A nun.
By E.J. Dionne Jr. | Washington Post

In giving up the papacy, Pope Benedict XVI was brave and bold. He did the unexpected for the good of the Catholic Church. And when it selects a new pope next month, the College of Cardinals should be equally brave and bold. It is time to elect a nun as the next pontiff.

These are the most authoritarian dolts in the world. They would poo in their swaddling if a senior cardinal so much as mentioned the name of a bishop. So let’s discuss the housekeepers shall we? Where does it say a janitor can’t become the Pope?

. . handing leadership to a woman — and in particular, to a nun — would vastly strengthen Catholicism, help the church solve some of its immediate problems and inspire many who have left the church to look at it with new eyes.

The Catholic Church is Old World and Magisterial and couldn’t be more Swell. Sure they rape tens of thousands of children, they steal and sell hundreds of thousands of babies, but they’re Christ’s kewl kids. You want a conversation? Get your own 2000 year old abomination. Until then shut your wafer-hole.

They came within a whisker of godding Ireland to death. You think they’re sorry? That’s not how immortals operate. Zeus too was parsimonious with his apologies, to be fair. You think they’re going to give up the ancient glory so they can take directions from the likes of you? Or E.J.? Or the vagina people?


Christianity make you stupid?

Maybe being Christian gives morons a certain boldness everyday fools lack. They think “I stare at the moon. It moves. My eye beams have hands.” They can’t keep a secret, they shout “Zodz-babble and zekes. I’m a preacher!” Their faces get honey glazed, their underwear gets thick.

Perhaps that’s a good thing. Your cat sees something like this and thinks, “I’m doing alright. I’ll have a second helping of feces.” The cat would eat it anyway. Can you argue with a cat? You can’t argue with a cat. Never kiss a cat. Why fret?

This has happened to you: you lick a spoon, paste it in on your nose. You tell the spoon “I only want to date. I’m keeping my options open.” It thinks “I am levitating, by Jesus. I must tell the leaden ones. Gays undermine the kitchen.” Next day, your silverware drawers look a bondage and discipline convention. The cupboard’s full of nuts, fruitcakes and bananas. You wonder “Why can’t my kitchen be funny? Or rock?” And purple wallpaper? The ants laugh. You can hear them.

The most trusted, most high-profile folks in religion are horrifyingly dumb. See below. Who else is capable of opening their mouths and making you want to run? Like a tin skunk in a thunderstorm? By contrast, our retarded friends are brilliant.

Merry Christmas, fools:

If you believe Jesus bestows an infrequent human with the lizard-power to regenerate, stay indoors. Shoelaces can catch. Keys are sharp.


Exactly what I needed: Christian advice on masturbation

Seattle pastor Mark Driscoll has some pithy advice for internet droolers (me). In his manifesto “Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men,” Driscoll tackles one of the problems particularly afflicting our Christian friends: shame about masturbation. Heh, very funny. Improper guilt. Hmm. Feeling that you’re a freak. *sigh*

Anyway, in the 15-part publication . .

. . yikes!

Okay, this will not go well. I’m guessing Mark doesn’t come down on the side of self-satisfaction.

Question #1 –
–Can you masturbate without lusting (Job 31:1)?

Question #2 –
–Can you masturbate in a way that builds oneness with your spouse, pulling you together more intimately through the act (Gen. 2:24)?

Question #3 –
–Can you masturbate without experiencing shame (Gen. 2:24)?

Question #4 –
–Can you masturbate with a clear conscience (Titus 1:15)?

Question #5 –
–Can you masturbate without capitulating to the cravings of your sinful desires and thoughts (Eph. 2:3)?

No, maybe, yes, yes, no. Did I get an “A”? I assume those are the right answers. I guess there are others possible, maybe with regard to number 2.

First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.

Good lord, if I’m not married and I masturbate — I’m queer? It’s even gayer if I watch myself? Golly, good thing I do it with my eyes closed. Well, I don’t actually close them, I wear sunglasses. Special ones, mirrored on the insides of the lenses, so I can watch my watching. And my shower’s mirrored, too, Yes, the ceiling. Actually, my whole tiny apartment is like that, and my favorite rubber suit is finished in mylar. My mansion, frequently, is an infinity fun house of masturbating thousands.

Second, masturbation is a form of monosexuality because it is sex that does not include another person. Since sex is given for such purposes as oneness (Gen. 2:24), intimate knowledge (Gen. 4:1), and comfort (2 Sam. 12:24), having sex with oneself seems to miss some of the significant biblical reasons for sexual intimacy.

Now we’re talking. I’ve been aiming afield of “biblical reasons” to do pretty much anything and apparently hitting the bullseyes. Though the numbers part of this argument is a bit confusing, and shrinking. Am I a hemisexual? A digi-porn cipher? Go on, you can tell me. Unless I’m some diaphanous Unicorn Nebula, earless and horny across the galaxy. Very possible.

Third, masturbation is often done in haste because of the mortifying embarrassment of possibly getting caught in the act. Subsequently, masturbation encourages a man to become a notorious minute-man who will not be well skilled in the self-control necessary to satisfy a wife.


Fourth, masturbation can establish a pattern of laziness. If a single man wants to have an orgasm, he needs to first become a man and undergo the hard work of courting and marrying a woman. If a married man wants to have an orgasm, he needs to first undergo the hard work of loving, leading, and romancing his wife. But, lazy men are prone to rub one out in the shower each morning rather than undergo the labors usually associated with responsible masculine married life.

Toodles, I’m gay.


Victims of the Catholic Church’s stealing and selling of Spanish babies

With proper attention being paid to a shocking BBC Two documentary, the suddenly exposed truth of what went on in Spain between 1940 and 1990 hit many of us like a bombshell. Reading articles on tonight’s debut broadcast, I couldn’t believe it: the Catholic Church had stolen and sold up to 300,000 babies.

Today, BBC news continued to tell the story:

Spain’s stolen babies and the families who lived a lie
By Katya Adler | BBC News, Spain

I first met Manoli Pagador in Getafe, in a working-class suburb of Madrid. She was attending a meeting for people affected by the scandal Spaniards call “ninos robados” – stolen children. She has three daughters and lots of grandchildren, but she has never got over the loss of her first-born – a son – nearly 40 years ago.

She had come to think she was crazy for believing he was alive, instead of dead and buried as hospital doctors had told her. “Now,” she said, gripping my hand tightly. “Look around the room at the other women here. All like me. The same background. The same experience. I’m not mad and my family finally believes me.”

In 1971 Manoli, who was 23 at the time and not long married, gave birth to what she was told was a healthy baby boy, but he was immediately taken away for what were called routine tests. Nine interminable hours passed. “Then, a nun, who was also a nurse, coldly informed me that my baby had died,” she says.

They would not let her have her son’s body, nor would they tell her when the funeral would be . .

“Doctors, nuns?” she says, almost in horror. “I couldn’t accuse them of lying. This was Franco’s Spain. A dictatorship. Even now we Spaniards tend not to question authority.”

Manoli’s child was gone. Like so many other children, her son had been stolen and sold to a ‘better’ Catholic family, somewhere else.

The scale of the baby trafficking was unknown until this year, when two men – Antonio Barroso and Juan Luis Moreno, childhood friends from a seaside town near Barcelona – discovered that they had been bought from a nun. Their parents weren’t their real parents, and their life had been built on a lie.

Juan Luis Moreno discovered the truth when the man he had been brought to call “father” was on his deathbed. “He said, ‘I bought you from a priest in Zaragoza’. He said that Antonio had been bought as well.”

The pair were hurt and angry. They say they felt like two dogs that had been bought at a pet shop.

See the article here. I am trying to dig up a source to view the documentary. When I find it, I’ll post it.


Stealing and selling 300,000 little babies: The depraved, satanic Catholic Church

I am, again, just this close to dumbstruck. Whatever gets torn in an attempt to grasp boundless evil, this tears it. Where to begin to speak of crimes so depraved and so towering in number?

In a period between 1940 and 1990, in perhaps the most successful human trafficking effort since America’s slave trade of the 18th and 19th centuries, Spain’s Catholic Church stole up to 300,000 newborn babies from their mothers. The children were then sold to Spanish Catholic customers.

The BBC have produced a documentary on the half century of nearly unspeakable crimes. It’s slated to air on Tuesday night:

Journalist Katya Adler, who has investigated the scandal, says: ‘The situation is incredibly sad for thousands of people.

‘There are men and women across Spain whose lives have been turned upside-down by discovering the people they thought were their parents actually bought them for cash. There are also many mothers who have maintained for years that their babies did not die – and were labelled “hysterical” – but are now discovering that their child has probably been alive and brought up by somebody else all this time.’

I’m having a hard time fathoming this. If it had come to light that one — only one — child had been abducted by American hospital administrators and sold to their friends, I can’t imagine the holocaust of press people and news coverage and police and Oprahs and governmental agencies and politicians that would descend upon the scandal. Criminal trials, civil trials, interviews, reunions — these would go on for years. The Catholic Church perhaps stole and sold as many children as there are people currently living in Pittsburgh.

How? How could this be possible? How will these people become reunited with their true mothers, fathers and families, their own flesh and blood? How will the legal system deal with it? How will people live with the decisions they made and the actions that were forced upon them? What an agonizing mess.

One thing we know: how the Catholic Church will react. They will, slowly and surely, across the years, over the decades, offer occasional and slightly more heartfelt apologies. Meanwhile, they’ll be furiously lobbying against criminal and civil sanctions with authorities. That’s what they always do.

I’ve had enough of this for now, my head’s pounding.


Vatican elevates the perception that the Pope isn’t human

Why are Catholics obsessed with this man? I don’t know. Someone who leads a church, I understand, may be hailed as especially righteous. But the faithful seem to need to make the guy an accessory god, supreme in his own right.

Pope’s organs are too holy to donate to mortals, says Church
By Michael Day | 5 February 2011 | The Independent

. . as recently as 2008, three years after being elected pontiff, Benedict attended an international congress on donor transplantation where he repeated his support for organ donors. “It’s a special way of showing charity,” he said, though he added that donations had to be “free, voluntary [and] respectful of the health and dignity of the donor”.

Mgr Gaenswein did not specify why the Pope is not able to donate his organs. But Archbishop Zymunt Zimowski, a member of the Vatican health council, said it was because the body of the Pope effectively belonged to the entire Catholic Church. “It’s understandable that the body of the Pontiff should rest intact because, in his role as successor to Saint Paul and universal pastor of the Catholic Church, he belongs entirely to the Church in spirit and body,” he told La Repubblica.

Why must the guy be extra-mortal? If he’s seen as a regular person, does that make God less real? Less likely? Less exciting? More remote? If anything, having an ersatz God On Earth makes the possibility of God suspect. You say your Supreme Being and the Supreme Morals Guy, who intervened to retain a child molester in The Church, are para-worldly fluent in righteousness? Say, brother, might God’s return invoke a Boy Scout brothel? Can you tell me why so many Popes have been extremely human human beings?

Stephen VII (Pope from 896 – 897)

Stephen’s sworn enemy was his predecessor to the Fisherman’s Ring, Formosus. Whatever Formosus had done to so enrage his successor isn’t completely clear, but dear Pope Stephen had his dead body dug up and put on trial for “coveting the papal throne.” Being found guilty (of course), the deceased was stripped, had its 3 fingers, used for bestowing blessings, cut off, and the body dumped in the Tiber River. Stephen got his, though. He was later imprisoned and strangled to death.

And yet Papal Infallibility is still Church doctrine. Ignore his shitty life, have faith in his cryptic relationship with a bold God. Whatever he pronounces on dogma, it’s perfection.

Alexander VI (Pope from 1492 – 1503)

He bribed his way to St. Peter’s – appointing anyone he could get in his pocket to cardinal to vote for him. Continuing on the family tradition, he also appointed his son and the teenage brother of his mistress as cardinals (strength in numbers you know). While enjoying the office of pope he also enjoyed an active sex life, was suspected of arranging murders of his rivals and indulging in orgies (hey, when in Rome…) and managed to father seven children. Being a model father of the times, his poor daughter, Lucrezia, got married off three times to help build alliances and when one of those marriage alliances went sour (to a guy she really liked), the pope/daddy/evil father-in-law had him stabbed to death.

So, at best, they’re only occasionally in touch with the godhead. The no-transplant rule prevents a particularly Earthly snafu, I’m betting. If some surgeon puts His Liver in a guy who goes on to be a rapist or murderer, it spells the end of The Pope as a magical being. Which, of course, he isn’t. But the global illusion is too important.


Christian elephants stomp a-hole Hindus

That’s right, pal. You mess with Christians, God’s elephants stomp your head. It’s breaking news for the Conservative community:

Elephants attack Orissa exactly one year after persecutions
Written by Fr. Sunil De Silva | The American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property

. . a severe persecution of Christians broke out in the Indian state of Orissa. A 22 year old nun was burnt to death when angry mobs burnt down an orphanage in Khuntpali village in Barhgarh district, another nun was gang raped in Kandhamal, mobs attacked churches, torched vehicles, houses of Christians destroyed . .

Yikes. How awful.

In recent months, herds of wild elephants have begun to storm villages that are home to some of the worst persecutors of Christians during the troubles . .

These elephants first attacked a rock crusher machine owned by a key leader of the persecution movement. They then went on to destroy his house and farms. Hundreds of villagers have been forced to take shelter in camps in the Indian state of Orissa after repeated attacks by a herd of elephants.

Ha! Suck on it, Hindu bitches.

Gaining momentum, they rampaged through other non-Christian homes, demolishing gardens and singling out the home of persecutors, leaving Christian homes untouched.

God is angry. Elephants enforce our will. Turn you all into frisbees.

These strange attacks have spread, and according to a report, the elephants have already destroyed more than 700 houses in 30 villages, and killed five people. Nobody in this area has seen or even imagined the unique appearance of a herd of wild elephants such as this. The elephants are not ordinary elephants; they appear to be on a mission . .

I just said that. You never listen.

This is a story from 2009, written in January 2010 by a priest in Sri Lanka, and posted by The ASftDoTF&P. And it’s on the front page at Good job, very worthy of note. Okay, next Townhall link:

Reflections on Cold Draft Beer
Written by Plinio Corrêa de Oliveira | The American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property

It was a particularly hot afternoon, so I gazed at the icy mug of beer before me with a sense of anticipation . .


Catholic Church still blaming someone else for molestations

Here comes the latest attempt to find a convenient fall guy:

Pope Blames Child Abuse Scandal on Society
Benedict XVI Says Mistreatment of Children Frighteningly Common in Secular Society, Child Porn Considered Normal
CBS News | Dec 12, 2010

Pope Benedict XVI told Vatican officials Monday that they must reflect on the church’s culpability in its child sex-abuse scandal, but he also blamed a secular society in which he said the mistreatment of children was frighteningly common . .

. . that the scandal must be seen in a broader social context, in which child pornography is seemingly considered normal by society and drug use and sexual tourism are on the rise.

“The psychological destruction of children, in which human persons are reduced to articles of merchandise, is a terrifying sign of the times,” Benedict said.

Terrifying? To the people who’ve been doing it or covering it up for centuries? In all our lives, if there was a place where one was guaranteed to come across the sexual “destruction of children” who were “reduced to articles of merchandise,” it was the Catholic Church.

Childhood sexual abuse has been for so long an endemic but occult practice in the Church that there’s no way for them to publicly acknowledge it. It shows up in one place, so they say it was isolated. It shows up in another, so they say it was a bigger tragedy than they knew. It shows up on another continent, so they say they need time to assess their policies.

It just goes on and on, they refuse to see themselves for who they’ve really been. This is what you call denial. Witness the Pope and other church leaders currently in a phase where the modern world is the culprit.

And as you well know, the Catholic Church hangs on every little wink and nod of the secular world around them, so they can hardly be blamed for merely acting like everybody else:

Mexico bishop says porn, tv to blame for priest abuse
Miguel Angel Gutierrez and Cyntia Barrera Diaz | Apr 16, 2010

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) – A prominent Roman Catholic bishop in Mexico blamed eroticism on television and Internet pornography for child abuse by priests, in the latest incendiary comments on sex scandals in the church.

“With so much invasion of eroticism, sometimes it’s not easy to stay celibate or to respect children,” Bishop Felipe Arizmendi said during an annual meeting of Mexican bishops near Mexico City on Thursday.

. . and . .

Pope’s No. 2: Pedophilia linked to homosexuality
By BRAD HAYNES (AP) | Dec 12, 2009

SANTIAGO, Chile — The Vatican’s second-highest authority says the sex scandals haunting the Roman Catholic Church are linked to homosexuality and not celibacy among priests . .

“Many psychologists and psychiatrists have demonstrated that there is no relation between celibacy and pedophilia. But many others have demonstrated, I have been told recently, that there is a relation between homosexuality and pedophilia. That is true,” said [Cardinal Tarcisio] Bertone. “That is the problem.”

So, I ask you, you modern people, with your internet surfing and fancy blog reading — which of these things causes you to sexually assault children? The growing normalcy of child molestation, the rise of drug use, the popularity of sexual tourism, naked people on the TV, dirty people on the internet, or homosexuality?

Whaddya mean, the very thought of it still makes you want to puke? You’re no regular, normal person, like a Catholic priest.


The Pope’s Tiny Fight Against AIDS: he okays condoms for male, not female, sex workers

In Rare Cases, Pope Justifies Use of Condoms

. . The pope’s statement on condoms was extremely limited: he did not approve their use or suggest that the Roman Catholic Church was beginning to back away from its prohibition of birth control. In fact, the one example he cited as a possibly appropriate use was by male prostitutes . .

In the book, Benedict said condoms were not “a real or moral solution” to the AIDS epidemic, adding, “that can really lie only in a humanization of sexuality.” But he also said that “there may be a basis in the case of some individuals, as perhaps when a male prostitute uses a condom, where this can be a first step in the direction of a moralization, a first assumption of responsibility.”

Talk of responsibility? You must be joking.

People began to die of AIDS in 1978. The CDC picked up on it in 1981. US deaths in 1988: 5,000. 1990: 20,000. 1993: 40,000. Deaths worldwide as of 1997: 6 million. Infections: 22 million. Infected as of 2007: 33 million.

Hey — whaddya say we talk about responsibility now? Why not? Millions have died and tens of millions are permanently infected, so let’s talk about it. Okay, good.

Catholic male prostitutes may now use condoms. But women, all women, can’t tell their men to use condoms because that’d be immoral. Women must eternally be willing to get pregnant and bear children. Even if they’re prostitutes. And if they contract AIDS and die, oh well. Apparently, it’s all part of the wonder of God’s plan. It’s God’s unstoppable plan for maximizing pregnancy rates and spreading a murderous epidemic.

Actually, it’s only part of the wonder of the Pope’s plan.


Will the Christians who beatified Gibson and his ‘Passion of the Christ’ now admit he’s a disgusting human being?

Once laudatory:

The Passion of the Christ: A Powerful Spiritual Experience
Copyright 2004 by Gretchen Passantino

Few would argue against the proposition that Billy Graham was the single greatest tool of evangelism God used in the 20th century. I believe Mel Gibson’s movie The Passion of the Christ may gibson and movie jesuswell be the single greatest tool of evangelism God uses in the 21st century. Exaggeration? I don’t think so. In a worldwide culture of visual communication and subjective experience, this movie version of the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ has the potential to impact more people in more cultures than any other single individual, book, or evangelism method.

. . what will they say now of Gomorrah’s iconoclast champion of Jesus? A movie millionaire made billionaire by telling the Savior’s story on the degenerate silver screen in eye-popping gore? They didn’t know him? He’s Hollywood, ferchrissakes . .

I had the opportunity and privilege to see the movie in the midst of the editing process and to speak briefly with Mr. Gibson. Seeing this movie was one of the most significant spiritual events of my life. I am convinced that Mr. Gibson is a Christian of remarkable humility, faith, and commitment to following God’s will in his life, no matter what the cost. His work on this project is a living example of Paul’s words in Romans 1:16: “I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.”

. . Mr. Gibson is not a Christian of remarkable humility, faith, and commitment to following God’s anything: