Category: C’mon help ol’ Gil out here…

Lie of the year: Chris Brown punched Susan Boyle’s Swine Flu

It is perhaps interesting. How will people behave once they know that somebody is watching them? Some people can’t take it, as if the eyes of others were grasping hands. Some folks can’t wear bright colors. Other folks are terrified of speaking in public. Your employer tries to put cameras in the workplace, and probably half the building quits. There are plenty of people that just can’t handle the scrutiny. Some folks lose their minds.

obamacare lie 1

“It remains to be seen whether Obama’s plan will actually be able to achieve the cost savings it promises for the health care system. But people who want to keep their current insurance should be able to do that under Obama’s plan. His description of his plan is accurate, and we rate his statement True.”

obamacare lie 2

“Mercer, a private consulting firm, found that in each of the years from 2005 to 2008, roughly a quarter of companies said they made changes to their plans that would result in employees paying a greater share of the cost. In 2009 and 2010, it rose to one-third.”

“The number becomes substantial if you add up the workers who lose coverage entirely; who change jobs (voluntarily or involuntarily); who work for companies that change insurance carriers or adjust plan terms significantly; or whose employer’s insurance carrier is merged or bought out. And knowing that many workers every year are already required to change plans provides a different impression than what Obama is suggesting.”

obamacare lie 3

“Boiling down the complicated health care law to a soundbite proved treacherous, even for its promoter-in-chief. Obama and his team made matters worse, suggesting they had been misunderstood all along. The stunning political uproar led to this: a rare presidential apology.”

“For all of these reasons, PolitiFact has named ‘If you like your health care plan, you can keep it,’ the Lie of the Year for 2013…(PolitiFact first announced its selection on CNN’s The Lead with Jake Tapper.)”

Wouldn’t want to disappoint Jake Tapper, would we? He’s on CNN ferchrissakes. You start a website, you call it “PolitiFact,” and at some point the people who watch OMG INSIDER want to know: “What are you good for?” So then you clench your ass, and you scratch your head, but you also have no choice but to mumble back at them exactly the thing they were begging to hear, the glorious cable dookie whopper of our terrible no-good fractious year deus ex fecalae 2013. Not withstanding that Barack Obama laid this all on us back in 2009. Nice job, guys.


Not enough cool points in the fridge

There is an American version of masculinity well and highly regarded where the male is very cranky. Clint Eastwood’s movie characters are fine examples. Little things annoy Mr. Man until he’s finally had enough and then he *pow* shoots someone. The corpse is a lesser male whom the screenwriter created for the purpose of demonstration.

On his way, Clint is merciful enough to serve bit characters with *back off* notices. As in: “You’re a legend in your own mind.” And: “Your mouthwash ain’t making it.” Also: “You know what makes me sick to my stomach? Watching you stuff your face with hot dogs.” This is real cool though I’m not sure why.

Rachel Maddow:

Alex Jones should be disqualified from participating in Republican Party politics. His crackpot theories shouldn’t prompt hearings in Congress and they shouldn’t inspire actual legislation in Congress, and you shouldn’t do a money bomb on his show running for Congress. Do not fundraise on this theater of the absurd by showing yourself to be one with this guy, really. He says the tornado was a conspiracy? The tornado? Can we agree it is over now, Republicans? Going on his show, really?


Pat from Saturday Night Live? No, no, Ron Maddow. What? Nothing wrong with it. I mean, he’s a handsome guy. I’m gonna be honest with everybody, I’m attracted to Mr. Maddow, and that really conflicts my, uh, I always thought of myself as a heterosexual. I wonder if Mr. Maddow is gonna join the Boy Scouts as a troop leader.

“You’re not a woman” is what Mr. Cool says. Rather than “Fuck you, bitch.” In some circles, this is Epic.


Mitt Romney and the dance of the seven fails

I don’t use the word ‘Amazing’ much. Like that’s important.

Mitt Romney is invoking his Massachusetts healthcare law in the lead-up to the Republican convention, alarming conservatives who argue it’s a losing issue for his campaign. . .

“My healthcare plan I put in place in my state has everyone insured,” Romney told a CBS reporter on Thursday. In a second interview, he called the law an “important accomplishment” that is “working, by and large, pretty well.”

He’s running to the right with Paul Ryan. He’s dodging to the left with healthcare. He’s thrilling the teabaggers with birther brio. He’s reassuring the pensioners with fallacious Medicare jitters.

This might be the stupidest politician in modern history, huh? Real Mitt Romney is apparent and he’s whatever sombrero you wore this morning. He who can stick his one prodding tongue in both your ears. Man love lamp.


They’ve got losing all figured out

Imagine you owned a company. Imagine you had to put someone in charge of it. I don’t imagine you’d pick any of these people for your CEO.

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Polling over the weekend showed Rep. Todd Akin up by at least 1% over the incumbent Claire McCaskill in the race for the open Missouri Senate seat. And then Akin went all uterus-molecules on the voters. The more practical GOPers, eyeing the national polls, demanded he immediately leave the race lest the gender damage spread. Someone’s got to protect the GOP product don’t you know. That left the stage wide open for a real conservative:

“The idea that our Party would continue to play games behind the scenes and feed the Democrats make-believe narrative of the GOP’s fictional war on women is equally ridiculous. Now is the time to focus on electing a conservative Senate Majority. And if the NRSC and RNC and the money-rich PACS won’t help Todd Akin get us to the majority, then we’ll do it without them. And his seat will not have been sold to the highest bidder, but obtained by the highest principles.”

Semper Fi Huck. Akin the stalwart just committed suicide but he’s a principled man. Let’s get behind him and win the “conservative Senate Majority.”

There goes Akin sinking like a stone. Is Huckabee surprised? Does he care? Does anything matter? When you believe in something winning comes second. Philosophy is what’s important, no matter how dumb degrading or insulting it is. By the magic of purism Americans flock to the Republican message and this is very clever.

Bert Atkinson is like that.

He sees genius where others do not:

Mitt Romney made a very strong move by speaking before the NAACP today, and an even stronger move by not changing or avoiding his stance to repeal ObamaCare in front of that crowd.

“If our goal is jobs, we have to stop spending over a trillion dollars more than we take in every year. So to do that, I’m going to eliminate every non-essential, expensive program I can find. That includes ObamaCare,” Romney said before the crowd unleashed a cascade of boos. . .

“The president will say he will do those things, but he will not, he cannot, and his record of the last four years proves it,” Romney told the booing crowd. He added, “If you want a president who will make things better in the African American community, you are looking at him.”

Quotes. Mitt: “You are looking at him.”
People: “Boo.” Brilliant.

Romney branded himself today as the ‘The Serious Adult’ candidate. He didn’t avoid talking about ObamaCare or any other topic just because he knew the crowd wouldn’t like it. He acted like a leader.

Pure ideology is impossible to resist. So it’s good to get booed. See:

Can anyone figure out why they’re losing? It’s a puzzle.


Mitt Romney asks Democrats to love him

It turns out that gazillionaires who run the no good horrible conflagration presidential campaign are entitled to warm silk blankets and finger massages:

Mitt Romney, battered by Democratic attacks over his Bain Capital record and taxes, is calling on President Obama to agree to a truce over his business career.

“Our campaign would be — helped immensely if we had an agreement between both campaigns that we were only going to talk about issues and that attacks based upon — business or family or taxes or things of that nature,” Romney said, according to excerpts of an upcoming interview with NBC’s Chuck Todd released Friday.

The only thing he’s ever done? Business. The reason he’s running for president? Business. He think he can turn America into a shining white hillltop temple crested with a golden Moroni playing the funky fluglehorn forever, how? Business. So you screeching blue collar schlubs scratching out yer pencil-thin living, the CEO would ask that you hold it down. He’s making plans. Doing things. SSHHH.


Mitt Romney introduces “The next president of the United States”

Once again, Governor Buttclench boffs the kennel poodle. Left with only a whopping two chances to turn the oncoming November embarrassment around (a hooray! pick for running mate and a rip-roaring stem-winder to finish the transvestite streetwalker teach-in/Tampa GOP convention), he lunges for the most unlikable asshole looming over the independent/moderate voter: Paul Ryan.

And what an introduction. It was once said of the Palestinians that they never missed a chance to miss a chance. Mitt Romney never fucked up an opportunity to fuck up:


Butthurt Ben Stein and the $300,000 he wants for free

Shorter Ben Stein, American dynamo:

A Letter to the Lazy
By Ben Stein | American Spectator

Dear Demonstrators,

. . the overwhelming majority of the people on Wall Street get up early, [and] work an incredibly long, hard honest day . . Do something specific and constructive, and if you are willing to work as hard as the people on Wall Street, you might just accomplish something.

Shorter Ben Stein, emo butthurt:


By making a contract, then refusing to follow it through for clearly illegal reasons, defendants have inflicted emotional distress on plaintiff. Defendants blatantly disregarded their contract by using an obvious BEN STEIN imitator to fulfill his contract, thereby inflicting emotional distress on the plaintiff. The fact that defendants fired BEN STEIN solely due to his political and religious beliefs greatly distressed plaintiff.

Well that’s confusing. Who are you really, conservative icon Ben Stein?

Ben Stein is the type of guy to sue Kyocera for $300,000 over a contract that was never produced or signed. Ben is who deserves hundreds of thousands of dollars for doing nothing. You are not so special or privileged. Not you or demonstrators, no — the grasping babes of the world need to learn the value of hard work before anybody gets their gruel and water. There are ethics involved when it comes to how you get what you want.

When Kyocera became aware of Stein’s global warming denialism and decided to go with another actor, boo free-market hoo, that’s when he earned his keep. Though environmental policy has become part of modern companies’ branding concerns, they’re not free to consider such things, and now they owe him. They must either hire Ben and let him piss on their reputation, or they must send him a Brinks truck full of cash. Either one, or get sued for the full cost of the imaginary contract.

Ben swears this is all about religion.

However, BEN STEIN said, he was by no means certain that global warming was man-made, a position held by many scientists and political conservatives. He also told Hurwitz to inform defendants that as a matter of religious belief, he believed that God, and not man, controlled the weather.

Snow is weather, man makes snow, man is God. Quod erat demonsteindum. Remember the sermon on the mount? Quote: “A nuclear war shall the weather not change.” That’s essential Judeo-Christian dogma. The grounding of all commercial airplane traffic after 9/11 caused a temperature bump due to the disappearance of contrails, but that never happened because Jehovah. Ben Stein has accepted stupid as his personal savior, hosea hava nagila. Amen.

This behavior on the part of defendants strikes at such basic American values as the sanctity of contract, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and political freedom, and shows contempt for law.

Kyocera wiped its ass with the Constitution. Have I got that right, Ben?


Dear wingnuts who offered from $10,000 to $25,000,000 to see Obama’s birth certificate: we’re fond of doubloons

I knew that Birther King Joseph Farah offered $10,000 to the hospital of Obama’s birth for the long-form birth certificate. I didn’t know that he later upped that foolish bet to $15,000.

How stupid can you be? Well, any good blogger knows not to stop with an apparently sensible rhetorical question. Turns out there were a few big, dumb bettors on nobody being able to produce the birth certificate, including one lunatic website,, that offered $25,000,000.

See the comical details in the post I put up over at Liberaland. Plenty of topical and off-topical commentary.


Your stupid soccer is loaded with dirty, stupid foreign people like the French

Rachel Marsden flashes her ugly American charm.

Isn’t it really KEWL, kids, to make fun of anything that isn’t already exactly Rachel Marsden? Look at that stupid dude, and his hat — HAHA! Like Rachel would wear that. What’s up with that red hair, loser? Like Rachel could get a decent boyfriend looking like a clown, sheesh. Did I mention that all of you U.N. retards smell like dogshit?

World Cup Fever: NOT
by Rachel Marsden

Rachel MarsdenPARIS — Ghana recently knocked the USA out of the soccer World Cup. You’re already forgiven for not noticing… When Ghana won, a fan wrote on the FIFA website that the U.S. used to rule the world but now will learn that it’s changing. Eighteen years without a dictator running your country is a good start, but let’s not confuse life with a game. When this can be achieved, then you’ll know you’ve really matured.

That’s right, Rachel knows maturity. Ghana sucks.

Interesting, isn’t it, how the various teams in this tournament are cultural microcosms of their representative countries? In the case of Team USA, getting angry in the wake of a World Cup defeat is a bit like flipping out a 5-year old who beats you in a potato sack race: He still has no real power in life.

We should bomb the fuck out of Ghana. That’d show ’em who the winners in life really are. Am I right, or what?

I can’t help but notice how many teams from countries still struggling with simple issues such as hygiene and running water are just so happy to be participating.

Smelly fucking animals, all of them. Brown shit-caked mules. Yecch. Who do they think they are, participating? They should look in a mirror and then not participate. They could also be unhappy, which would be mature.

Like they can’t believe they’re invited and getting so much attention in the absence of a television advertising campaign, a group song, or Bono. The only other place these countries receive so much disproportionate attention is at the United Nations General Assembly.

Any attention thrown the way of the likes of Ghana is disproportionate, right? Smelly, thirsty fucking pigs, kicking coconuts around their corrals. When they’re not praying to a frog, or making fucking bombs.

rachel marsden 4North Korea’s team did what you’d expect them to do (before ultimately losing): defect, almost as soon as their feet touched foreign soil, in an attempt to start a better life in one of the world’s biggest crime capitals (Johannesburg).

Stupid bastard commie fucking rats. Johannesburg is so full of thieves.

Speaking of which—the French team still hasn’t recovered from the relentless ball-kicking administered by their countrymen since the team’s first-round defeat.

Dirty French losers.

Sports fans at my gym in Paris were more aghast at the early loss than they are by the fact that the gym’s air conditioning has been broken for at least a month in up to 95F summer heat.

Sweaty stinking French people.

France Soir newspaper’s headline pleaded with the team to “respect” those who care about them—much like a French wife who just discovered the man whose dirty underwear she lovingly washes has let her down.

Fucking French people shit their underwear. It’s true.

“We Want Goals!” screamed the same newspaper’s headline a few days earlier, as though the players were mooching public funds.

Or as though the players weren’t scoring goals. Retards.

“But they are disgracing the uniform!” I was told. Oh, right. Like that hasn’t happened since the Napoleonic Wars. Now suddenly it’s a national emergency?

Fucking cowards.

Rachel Marsden 3Mediocrity doesn’t entrench itself this reliably overnight. What the French are now witnessing is the culmination of directed efforts in this regard over centuries, and accelerated over the past few decades. Excellence has been culturally bred out, with the Equipe de France being the coup de grace.

It took centuries of mediocrity for France to get into the final last time and for them to win the whole thing 3 World Cups ago? Stupid stupid people, or game, or tournament. Or whatever.

Wasn’t the soccer circus all a prissy pantomime for sticky-fingered toddlers a few seconds ago? At the top of the column? Now it’s the coup de grace for the nation of France? Goodbye, France. Ah, “but let’s not confuse life with a game.”

You get the feeling Rachel’s acting a catty bitch on behalf of her boyfriend, America! Well, it’s his birthday today. Is he feeling down about turning 234 years old? You know what that means, Rachel: time for a blowjob. You suck.


No doubt: What we just saw in the South Carolina Democratic Senate primary was right-wing election fraud

Stop calling it weird. Or mysterious. Stop calling it a surprise.

Sen. Nominee Was Kicked Out of Army, Has Felony Charge Pending
MANNING, S.C., June 9, 2010

Alvin Greene, the surprise South Carolina Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate, was kicked out of the Army last year and is facing a pending felony charge, according to court records obtained by ABC News.

Greene, who has yet to enter a plea or be indicted, was arrested in alvin_greeneNovember and charged with “disseminating, procuring or promoting obscenity” in Richland County, S.C., and faces up to five years in prison if convicted.

The U.S. Senate candidate was captured on video surveillance Nov. 4 trying to show “obscene photographs from a website” to a female victim on the University of South Carolina campus and go to her room without her consent, according to the affidavit . .

Greene has been unemployed and living in his rural hometown 60 miles south of Columbia. He doesn’t own a cell phone and there is no computer in his house . .

Greene shocked South Carolina Democrats Tuesday when he won a commanding victory over four-term state lawmaker Vic Rawl in the primary without the help of a war chest of campaign cash or an orchestrated effort to win voters across the state. In fact, there is little evidence that he campaigned at all.

There’s a good reason for that. He didn’t do any campaigning.

So stop calling Greene’s landslide victory in the S.C. Dem Senate primary anything other than what it was: massive right-wing election fraud. They found the perfect stooge to cheat into the Democratic spot so that the ultra-conservative Jim DeMint would win. And HERE WE ARE . .

. . and barring something righting the wrong, like finding out who pulled it off and prosecuting them or Greene’s stepping down (which the pawn has refused to do), the Senate election in South Carolina will be a laugher.

Because nobody is going to vote for this howling dog. And I am putting it lightly: this (below, sadly) is the confused mutt the Democrats supposedly nominated, by the thousands, to become a member of perhaps the most powerful political body on the planet:

Contrast Greene’s senatorial “campaign” with those of California’s Republican gubernatorial candidates in the primary that also got settled on Tuesday. Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner spent more than $90,000,000 on their race. Poizner put in at least $24,000,000 and lost. Alvin Greene put in . . $2,000. And won huge. Errh, ‘ching’?

Well, let’s chat: if no one would dare vote for this loser in November, how did he end up as the nominee? Why did they vote for him on Tuesday? They didn’t.

South Carolina’s electronic voting machines merely said they did. The fraud was and is so obvious that there’s little drama attached to the whole thing, actually. Someone programmed the machines to choose this naked donkey, so — voila — the Democrats get unemployed molester Alvin Greene to back in November.

Greene’s far-favored opponent in the primary race, state legislator and professional politician Vic Rawl, and his campaign people have plenty of evidence of the crime.

First of all, understand that Alvin Greene did NO campaigning, none. He showed up on filing day with a personal check for the hefty fee ($10,400), was told he had to file with a committee check, ran out and came back with a counter check with “Alvin Greene for US Senate” handwritten on the top. Then alvin-greene alsohe utterly disappeared. No website, didn’t show up at any events (including a big one in his hometown), no signs, no nothing. I was tracking him, just in case, because of general paranoia, but never had any reports of activity.

Ridiculous, comical evidence. The most glaring came in comparing the absentee ballots with the election-day ballots. The key: absentee ballots were not counted by the hacked ES&S machines:

In Lancaster County, Rawl won absentee ballots over Greene by a staggering 84 percent to 16 percent margin; but Greene easily led among Election Day voters by 17 percentage points.

In Spartanburg County, Ludwig said there are 25 precincts in which Greene received more votes than were actually cast and 50 other precincts where votes appeared to be missing from the final count.

“In only two of 88 precincts, do the number of votes Greene got plus the number we got equal the total cast,” Ludwig said.

Greene also racked up a 75 percent or greater margin in one-seventh of all precincts statewide, a mark that Ludwig notes is even difficult for an incumbent to reach.

A man who is completely unknown to anybody, who got kicked out of the Army, who has a lurid felony hanging over his head, who mysteriously enters a federal Senate campaign, but then collects or spends no money, and never actually campaigns, never posts a website or Facebook or Twitter account, never surfaces to trash or lessen or debate his opponent, he — slack-faced Alvin Greene — routs the South Carolina Senate primary?