Incoming. Twitter guerrilla Donald Trump has been shocked by tonight’s election results. Ahem, we are a nation divided we are a joke we need a violent revolution the house of representatives should punk Obama. On and on:

Donald is getting blowback about 100:1 on the Twitter. And who exactly should take up arms with him — the Vanderbilts?

You can expect Chairman Maonald to be banging on your door any minute now.

Maybe this isn’t entertaining, but it cracked me up. Some angry fool has a website that screams his name and trashes us liberals, like he just now tripped over a holocaust. Boing:

Last night’s correspondent dinner messed with his head. Not funny:

He took a swipe at Sarah Palin by making light of his taste for dog meat. Apparently, he thinks Pit Bulls are “delicious,” or something. The joke went over like a lead balloon. Even Michelle Obama looked perplexed by it . .

His campaign is clearly worried about the buzz around his dog eating past. I don’t think this will help make the story go away, and I suspect his speechwriter will be looking for another job on Monday.

Clearly, he’s worried about the buzz around his dog eating.

His campaign is clearly worried about the buzz around his dog eating past. His campaign is clearly worried about the past around his buzz eating dog. Dog is clearly worried about the buzz around his campaign eating his past. I could do this all day. The buzz is clearly worried about his campaign around his dog eating past. His buzz is clearly worried about the past around his campaign eating dog. It’s like a drug. His past is clearly worried around the campaign buzz about his eating dog. must. stop.

Slow news day.

The French like to piss in public. Did you know? I had no idea. No surprise, Google Street View has documented the act a couple of times. If you look closely at this shot, you can see a couple guys behind a tree, near the side of the road in the middle of a highway:

''Three Frenchmen urinate on the side of the Autoroute in France''

[h/t SFist]

Street View caught another man standing in his front yard, peeing more nonchalantly than I thought possible. In spite of his normal demeanor, and newfound fame, he’s not very happy. He’s suing:

Although Google blurred his face, the man claims he became the “laughing stock” of his small town and brought the suit for infringement of privacy to a court in Angiers. He wants his photo taken off and 10,000 euros (around $13,000). A Google lawyer has dismissed the suit as “implausible.”

The magic moment:

[h/t Gizmodo]

Oui. She is public. She is prive. Quell mystere…

In related news, outdoor peeing in France seems to be some sort of cultural phenomenon and pride, at least according to a 2009 article in EuroKulture. To wit: “Public urination in France is more than just a problem. It’s an adrenaline rush. It’s convenient. It’s a true test of friendship for partners in crime. Urinating in the street has been added to the Ô Chateau-Parisian Wine Tasting blog, ‘Stuff Parisian People Like.’”

Courtesy of Glenn Beck TV, the comedy napalm of Brian Sack. If Lenny Bruce were still alive, he’d be cutting Sesame Street a new asshole.

The suit means he’s smart.

Spliced is two years old, comes from Canada, and totals only 26 episodes. It’s shown on a TV channel, Qubo, so awful that, between He-Man and She-Ra abominations, it runs minutes-long self-promotions, like e-mails from crotchety ‘fans.’ And good luck finding Spliced by accident: it runs on digital broadcast at 1 a.m Pacific.

But it’s maybe the best little cartoon since Bugs Bunny.

Anyone out there who runs a decent TV channel: wouldn’t you love to improve your program line-up? Wouldn’t the world be better with more of this quirky, lovable cartoon? Please?

University of South Carolina student Ben Cochran’s charms run to the caustic. I didn’t make any of this up. There really is a Ben Cochran, and he really did write this piece for the college East Carolinian.

So I’m sitting in student health the other day, sneezing my friggin eyes out and coughing up green oysters wondering what in the name of great Zeus’s beard is taking so long. I’m just trying to get seen and have this purulent mucus extricated from my hacking body. Half an hour later, I finally see some movement stirring from across the waiting room. A nurse exits with about half a dozen girls, all grinning from ear to ear, bubbly and giggly as if they just scored their first alcohol purchase with a fake id. In their hands they carried what seemed like a solid 36 month’s worth of birth control.

First of all, not even porn stars need that much birth control. Second of all, do you mean to seriously tell me that I’ve been sitting here in misery for the last half an hour just so that this gaggle of preemie sluts could get a free pass on harlotry?

Didn’t you get the stupid kunt bat signal?

Go read your Redbook in the lobby of a specialist while you get a mani as you wait to get your hatchet wound inspected. Leave student health for those of us that are in actual need of medical attention.

You might find this amusing: Ben’s Facebook page says he’s an “English Language and Literature” major. He’s deh shit supposing words.

Look, this is a university—an ivory tower of academic prowess. We don’t need to be handing out birth control left and right especially from an on campus location. This is a bastion for the intellectually competent. If you find your talents to lend themselves to a more base and carnal nature, perhaps this just isn’t the place for you.

Dear Gashes. F Ur sekksen other dudes, don’t wanna see you even. K?

I don’t take issue with sex mongers. They serve their place. Hell, according to the bible, it’s the oldest known profession on earth. So you sultry sex fiends are clearly established, but this is a place of higher being. Please take your gaping holes elsewhere for medical services, and leave the real health issues to those that actually belong on a college campus.

Here’s Ben:

What music does he like? Jimmy Buffet.

i freakin love football and basketball (and carolina baseball). and i love clever little witticisms, so if you know of any, do share them with me please!

There once was a puppy named Cochran
Who fancied the ballin’ and soccerin’
He called a girl ‘slut’
Then his decent nuts
Deserted the bulldog for mockerin’ . .

Final score . .

Dan Savage: 1. Rick Santorum: 2.

Santorum claims his ‘filthy’ Google results ‘have an impact on the country’
Kase Wickman | September 20th, 2011

. . Sex columnist Dan Savage famously campaigned to redefine the then-senator’s name in 2003. Nearly a decade later, the effects of Savage’s prank remain: the top Google result for “santorum” is spreadingsantorum.com, which defines “santorum” as “the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum.”

Rick’s known about this for years, Dan epically pranked him. Call it a flit-er bombing.

But Frothy is upset now? His campaign’s tanking, I take it.

“I suspect if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, they’d get rid of it,” Santorum said. “If you’re a responsible business, you don’t let things like that happen in your business that have an impact on the country.”

“To have a business allow that type of filth to be purveyed through their website or through their system is something that they say they can’t handle but I suspect that’s not true.”

Through their website? Their system? Google doesn’t own the intertubes, Rickie. They merely monitor the traffic. And of your claim that the paramount and butt-centric ‘santorum’ has a negative “impact upon the country”? I am reminded of Artie Ziff, after a prom-pawing of Marge Simpson:

“Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about my busy hands. Not so much for myself, but I am so respected, it would damage the town to hear it.”

Reasonable readers would assume the former senator is moronic, but he’s merely Medieval. In February, he allied his campaign with The Crusades. Seriously:

Rick Santorum launched into a scathing attack on the left, charging . . that the history of the Crusades has been corrupted by “the American left who hates Christendom.”

No moron would take sides.

Mr. Greatest Politician Who Ever Lived turns out to be . . exactly as he appears. A shallow, horny old man with an addiction to hookers:

The wiretaps were released at the conclusion of an investigation into entrepreneur Gianpaolo Tarantini, who is accused of paying women to sleep with Berlusconi, 74, at his homes in 2008 and 2009 . .

“They are all well provided for,” Berlusconi tells Tarantini of the girls passing through his Rome residence in one of the thousands of recorded conversations released, which filled Italian newspapers on Saturday. In another conversation, a woman named Vanessa Di Meglio sends a text from Berlusconi’s residence to Tarantini at 5.52am asking “Who pays? Do we ask him or you?”

I suppose if you’re an Italian citizen, this is something tragic. To me, it’s hilarious. Silvio’s never pretended to be anything other than what he is: a two-bit, scummy, lying, douchebag billionaire.

Tarantini, an entrepreneur from Bari who sold prosthetic limbs before meeting Berlusconi in 2008, quickly became a confidant of the prime minister. “Listen Gianpaolo, now we need at most two each,” said Berlusconi in one call. “Because now I want that you have yours, otherwise I will always feel I am in your debt. Then we can trade. After all, the pussy needs to go around.”

You get what you vote for.

I’m into politics. You too. So how’s about we take a quick gander at the political world?

Hey, it says here dying Ethiopan kids have something to say about politics. They do?

Zziiing! My golly. That’s the point. And who knew that children dying slow, painful deaths could be so funny? Color me pleasantly surprised.

Wait — here’s another. How about this one?

Funny too. Politics is comedy.

Of course, when you realize one Rupert Murdoch newspaper is targeting its cartoons to silence criticism of another Rupert Murdoch newspaper, it loses some edge.

The hottest couple in Republican America:

Feel the heat.

Offering us the debut lecture of the 2011 Liberace Emeritus series, notorious homophobe Cindy Jacobs dresses like Prince. Sports the slut nails. Says crows die because of rumpsex.

Louie Gohmert. Witness him weave his way from Obama on the ’08 campaign trail, through the number of states in the OIC, past Egypt and the Muslim Brotherhood, to stumble upon “people who wants to destroy our country.”

Is he really that stoopid? Or drunk? Yes. I am reminded of his comments, two years ago, on The Great Cats And Rare Canids Act. It provided money to countries making efforts to preserve their endangered species. He complained:

We are still borrowing money from the Chinese. And, once again, the irony here is incredible. We are going to borrow more money from the Chinese to possibly give them money back to create habitats for wild dogs and cats that are rare.

There is no assurance that if we did that we wouldn’t end up with moo goo dog pan or moo goo cat pan. There is no way to assure that money will not be wasted when it’s sent to foreign countries.

Throw away perfectly good Moo Shoo Bark? Never.