For some people Global Warming is a very serious problem. Just how does one argue that an entire planet is completely wrong? How does a body persuade both the empyrean and the morons that they’re all stupid? Getting the best of millions of scammy scientists and billions of pointless people isn’t very easy – don’t even start me on the weather. This job, frankly, sucks.
Well friends don’t count out Assrocket and the fun bunch over at Powerline (hungh!). They are really doing their best. They’ve just now stumbled across – maybe – what could be the toppermost topper for all the nattering nerds who think ‘Global Warming’ is some sort of thing.
Steven Hayward is the genius who came up with the capper. It’s his job to claim that the Earth is exactly the same as it ever was, and he does that one thing well. Look closely enough and you can see him closing an eye, lifting his fingers to his face, and making the pincer thing as he’s crushing your head (he’s crushing your head).
When I make charts and graphs, I generally make it a practice to scale the vertical axis of a chart from zero (0) to the upper bound of the range. Compressing a chart’s vertical axis can be grossly misleading.For example, the usual chart the climatistas display of ambient atmospheric carbon dioxide levels looks like this:
Oooh—that looks scary! Look how fast CO2 is rising!
Tee-hee! As if. Yes, okay, it is in fact true that global atmospheric CO2 is rising and Steve-O can’t argue otherwise but NAAH NAAH I’M NOT LISTENING. And if you’re like him you’re really sick and tired of seeing the same panicky data points displayed the same way (lies). So here’s what they’ve started doing over at Powerline (rowr!): The boyz are making their own graphs. That’s right, they’ve become an indie craft-science operation. So go on and take yourself a seat, smoke yourself a bowl, and before you know it you’ll have your very own burlwood actuary table. Now everybody put your hands together, and sing: A spoonful of sugar helps the data-hoax go down…
Here’s the chart I typically use when displaying the same data, but with the vertical axis starting at zero, and indications of the bounds of pre-industrial CO2 and where the level of a doubling will be:
You see now? Almost nothing is happening on Earth! It’s true! And all it took to prove that was to extend the axis of a single graph to zero. Well – to extend ONE of the graph’s two axes down to zero. If you extend BOTH of the graph’s axes to zero, as I did here, then…
…oh shoot. The ‘Global Warming’ thing comes right back. Kinda like the rabbit that crawls into your tophat then pops out of your tuxedo pocket. Really a decent trick, a round of applause for Stevie everyone, but those jillions of tons of carbon dioxide didn’t just vanish. Does our Steven even remotely understand this? No! Hooray!
Likewise, the typical chart of the global average temperature is usually displayed this way:
Whoa! We’re all gonna fry!
But what if you display the same data with the axis starting not just from zero, but from the lower bound of the actual experienced temperature range of the earth? I had never thought of this until an acquaintance sent it along today:
Ha! This is the most stable temperature-place in all the universe! Nothing ever happens on Earth, VERY BORING. And all Stevinator had to do to prove it was make a proper graph, one where 0 degrees Fahrenheit was included. Because ZERO is a number that’s important (see also: -18 degrees Celsius and 255 degrees Kelvin). From now on any time we see a temperature graph it better be anchored at zero Fahrenheit, where the Earth is a frosty ball of ice, the sea life have all become Gorton’s fishsticks and nothing above ground can survive.
That’s a great idea, right? Not at all the stupidest thing ever. I don’t see why this can’t be extended to everything, ever. So to demonstrate the power (arrgh!) and wisdom of his method, I thought I’d make a temperature graph of Steven’s internet baby. As you know, new fathers can be a bit mystified as to How Babies Work, so you can certainly understand what the Steve-meister was trying to do. Just how hot is my baby, relative to Zero? Let’s take a look. Here’s how a hoax-fever overtook his little kid between the hours of breakfast and dinner:
How…confusing. The graph shows that Steven’s internet baby has experienced only a moderate warming over the hours – and this is good, right? I mean who needs a chilly baby? Or a year-round Arctic ice cap, for that matter? Babies are meant to be pink and warm and capable of growing bananas in the winter, of course. But for some strange reason Steven’s baby has become lately quiet, and stiff. What could possibly be wrong with it? Hey baby, stop playing liberal games with Daddy! Wake up! Don’t pretend you can’t hear me, get up right now.
Oh dear. Sorrily, I’m afraid that’s it. Poor Steven has been cursed with the worst of life’s epic tragedies – a lazy baby. I have to say, this is all quite sad. On top of all that, Steven’s been cursed with a peculiar way of deliberately mis-understanding ‘facts’, and ‘reality’, and then pretending he’s smart. But then there are those people who think that sort of thing is fucking brilliant. Yes, some people suck.