For some people Global Warming is a very serious problem. Just how does one argue that an entire planet is mistaken? You know, if that’s your damned job? How does a body persuade everyone they’re all just being stupid? How does a B-minus business major convince a bunch of Ph.D. scientists that they’re wrong about everything? What a bear. Getting the best of millions of numbers nerds and billions of pointless people can’t be easy – don’t even start me on the weather.
But friends don’t you count out the likes of Assrocket and the fun bunch over at Powerline (hunghh!). They are really doing their best. They’ve just now stumbled across – maybe – what could be the toppermost topper for all those dumb dorks who think ‘Global Warming’ is a thing.
Steven Hayward is the genius who came up with the capper. It’s his job to claim that the Earth is exactly the same as it ever was, and he does that one thing well. You can see him closing an eye, lifting his fingers to his face and making the pincer thing because he’s crushing your head (he’s crushing your head).
When I make charts and graphs, I generally make it a practice to scale the vertical axis of a chart from zero (0) to the upper bound of the range. Compressing a chart’s vertical axis can be grossly misleading.For example, the usual chart the climatistas display of ambient atmospheric carbon dioxide levels looks like this:
Oooh—that looks scary! Look how fast CO2 is rising!
As if! Yes, okay, it’s true that global atmospheric CO2 is rising and Steve-O can’t argue otherwise, but NAAH NAAH I’M NOT LISTENING. And if you’re like him you’re really sick and tired of seeing the same stupid data displayed the same way (lies). So here’s what they’re doing over at Powerline: The boyz are making their own graphs. That’s right, they’ve become an indie craft-science operation. So go take yourself a seat, smoke yourself a bowl, and before you know it you’ll have your very own burlwood actuary table.
Here’s the chart I typically use when displaying the same data, but with the vertical axis starting at zero, and indications of the bounds of pre-industrial CO2 and where the level of a doubling will be:
See now? Almost nothing is happening on Earth! It’s true! And all it took to prove that was something something and zero. But then, though, Stephen’s victory came by way of extending only ONE of the graph’s two axes down to zero. If you’re silly enough to extend BOTH of the graph’s axes down to zero, as I did here…
…then oh shoot. The ‘Global Warming’ thing comes right back. Like the rabbit that crawls into your tophat then pops right out of your tuxedo pocket. Ta-da! Really a decent trick, some applause for Steve everyone, but those jillions of tons of atmospheric carbon dioxide didn’t just vanish. Does he even remotely understand this? No! Of course not!
Likewise, the typical chart of the global average temperature is usually displayed this way:
Whoa! We’re all gonna fry!
But what if you display the same data with the axis starting not just from zero, but from the lower bound of the actual experienced temperature range of the earth? I had never thought of this until an acquaintance sent it along today:
Ha! This must be the most stable temperature-place in all the universe! Nothing ever happens on Earth, BORING. And all Stevinator had to do to prove it was make a decent graph, one where 0 degrees Fahrenheit was included. Because zero is a number that’s somehow important (Also see… -18 degrees Celsius. And 255 degrees Kelvin. No reason, just because.). From now on, fellow Newtons, any time we make a temperature-type graph, it better be anchored at Zero Fahrenheit. Right? Where the Earth is a frosty ball of ice, the sea life are all Gorton’s fishsticks and everything above ground is dead.
Great idea! Not at all the stupidest thing ever. I don’t see why this can’t be extended to all things, for all times. And to demonstrate the power and wisdom of Steve-O’s method, and of Steve-O generally, I thought I’d make a temperature graph of his internet baby. Congratulations, the one his wife (…husband?) had just last week. As you well know, new fathers can be a bit mystified as to How Babies Work. So it makes sense that he would be interested in getting to know all the facts about his toddler. Not the liberal lies that the media, and the politicians, and the pediatricians, tell about little people but the REAL TRUTH: How hot is my baby, relative to zero? Now that’s a good question. Let’s take a look. Here’s how his newborn kid (with a virus, sniff) did between the hours of breakfast and dinner, today. Relative to zero:
How…confusing. The graph shows that Steph’s baby has experienced only a bit of warming over the hours – which is good, right? I mean, nobody wants a chilly baby. Or a year-round Arctic ice cap, for that matter. Babies are meant to be pink and warm and capable of growing bananas in the winter, of course. But for some strange reason Steve’s baby has now become quiet, and stiff. And colorful. What has gone wrong with li’l Steve? Hey baby! Don’t play the liberal games with Daddy! You stop that! Get up! You have chores, mister. Don’t pretend you can’t hear me, you wake up right now!
Ooooh dear. I’m afraid that’s it. Poor Steven has been cursed with the worst of life’s gripping tragedies – a lazy baby. Very sad. And to make his misery worse, Steven has as well been cursed with deliberately mis-understanding life’s ‘facts’, and the world’s ‘reality’. As if he were somehow trying to pretend he’s ‘intelligent’. How tragic. But then I suppose there are some people, like the ones who read Powerline (hunghh!), who think that sort of thing is brilliant.