No, I wouldn’t say that conservatives were bad human beings. I wouldn’t say the Republicans who called Planned Parenthood to “sting” the group because the President mistakenly said they provided mammograms were pathetic. Hell, I wouldn’t say the arrogant hundreds, or thousands, who tied up the group’s phones, playing games with hard working people who only wanted to help others, were miserable brats. No, I wouldn’t say that.

I’d rather compliment LiveAction, the wink-wink clever bunch who really took a chunk out of Obama’s hide when they wasted everybody’s time. I’d also like to join in the mockery of the workers who fell for the political trick. The idiots who answered the phones over and over and over. Explained time and again how they do breast exams but refer people for mammograms. Took the callers’ bullshit questions seriously because they seemed to regard serious issues. And refused to lose their patience. What a bunch of morons, huh? Just look what they got in return — contempt, derision, and laughter. And, luckily, the internet role of a lifetime: pawns in the game of We Nailed Him. You don’t do mammograms, losers. Cram that in your cancer screenings.

So huzzah and congratulations, wingnuttes. Your MAMMOSHAM really showed them.

Maybe you thought the future was secure. That no sane person would vote for The Candidate Who Wasn’t There. Yes that’s the way sane people think, and that’s why you’re as cute as a bug’s butt. In cruel reality, the Romney braintrust are turning a thoroughly losing candidate into a winner. If you’re interested in such things, this is how they’re doing it: Mitt only speaks to Fox News, the economy only continues to crater, and Twitter’s become a shooting gallery for banshee-loons.

For the Republicans, it’s a natural strategy. They don’t want to talk to you, they don’t want anything to get any better, and they mean to shout everybody down.

It’s a map of their brains, writ large as election politics. Or it’s just a ‘Fuck You’ campaign. But be clear about this: the grand design comes straight from the top. It’s a strategy custom-made for Mitt, by Mitt and his brass. None of it is whimsical or spontaneous.

Remember Mitt doing a nyah-nyah press conference outside Solyndra? Remember Romney staffers shouting down David Axelrod? Don’t figure that the campaign will mature between now and November. This was today’s highlight:

Romney’s campaign bus was ordered to circle Cuyahoga Community College, where the President was later to give a speech on the economy. So it did, honking its horn for quite a while, and wingnuts ‘Weasel Zippers’ featured the story. Their readers went absolutely apeshit. In four and a half hours, the post got almost 500 comments, most like these:

They’re in their glory. ‘Gateway Pundit’ Hoft jumped on the prank wagon with this:

Jim does the best he can.

Washington Post reporter Manuel Roig-Franzia profiles our next vice president in his new book, The Rise of Marco Rubio. We learn memorable things of the Florida Senator. He’s an excitable guy, for example.

He once watched a political ad, this one above, and he went crazy. The wife’s and kids’ faces got painted fake Scottish Mel Gibson. He dressed up like fake Roman Russell Crowe and cut everybody down. He plowed the fields and he dreamed of his horse and a bit of his wife.

“. . I just ran this on my computer and three things happened. 1. I got chills. 2. My wife and children painted themselves up in blue face like Braveheart. 3. I went to the closet and got out my costume from Gladiator and I could hear the crowd chant: ‘Maximus! Maximus!’ . . “

Cadaverous! Pesterous! Killer spot. Don’t scoff, it hurts, and Marco actually owned himself an Excalibur. His pals gave it to him. This is what they all called it: Chinkee Name.

“. . Governor Jeb Bush, who took to the lectern . . said, ‘I can’t think back on a time when I’ve ever been prouder to be a Republican, Marco.’ The sword belonged to ‘a great conservative warrior,’ Bush told the audience to peals of laughter. The ‘mystical warrior’ was named ‘Chang.’ ‘Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society …I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. …But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.’”

A katana (yeah, I know), in the right hands, is perfectly capable of knocking a governor’s nuts off. And nad-smiting power should always be treated with reverence. Or, as the Jeb-Samurai say, with Wang Dong:

“…The Sword itself was nothing special, an inexpensive object bought off the Internet by aides in Bush’s office. But it would hang in a place of honor in Rubio’s office, a symbol of his deep bond with a son and brother of presidents.”

Chang, the worthless token. Rubio, the running mate. Wang Dong everyone.

Don’t liberals know what makes America great?

Newark Mayor Cory Booker was taken to a hospital tonight for treatment of smoke inhalation he suffered trying to rescue his next-door neighbors from their burning house.

“I just grabbed her and whipped her out of the bed,” Booker said in recounting the fire. Booker told The Star-Ledger he also suffered second-degree burns on his hand.

Leftist meddling with free combustion. The bleeding hearts will never learn. If your neighbor goes up in smoke, that’s just a natural consequence of risk taking, or ‘sailing the seas of flame,’ as they say. The competition between spark and flesh produces a vigorous, prosperous country, occasionally with its hair ablaze. This makes us strong and fire-retardant.

Booker said when he reached the second floor, he was engulfed in flames and smoke.

“I suddenly had the realization that I can’t find this woman.” Booker said. “I look behind me and see the flames and I think ‘I’m not going to get out of here.’ Suddenly I was at peace with the fact that I was going to jump out the window.”

Broken glass, the calling card of National Socialists. Keys on the table, and popsicles in the fridge, Mein Fuhrer. Anybody have connections inside the Bureaucrazinsche Reichsfierno? Give them your teeth, beg them to stop. Anyway, fascism forever ends the same way: the state in a heap on the grass, rolling around and holding its ankle. Very dignified, Dr. Mengele.

Then he heard her cries in a back bedroom.

“I just grabbed her and whipped her out of the bed,” Booker said. The two made their way downstairs, where they both collapsed, Booker said.

Speaking on Meet the Press, Paul Ryan:

“It’s secular statism on steroids. Conservatives prefer the social magisterium of the Church, which is: How do you apply Christian principles to your everyday life as a lay person?”

“By the tenets of Catholic teaching, when you try to rescue people, they remain ablaze. They become dependent upon water, and firemen, and it never ends. Instead, when you let them burn, they lift themselves out of fire. The U.S. ended the welfare state in Japan back in, what, 1945?”

Before going to the hospital, Booker confirmed on his Twitter account that he suffered from smoke inhalation, and said he was being taken by EMS to University Hospital for treatment.

“Thanks 2 all who are concerned. Just suffering smoke inhalation,” he tweeted. “We got the woman out of the house. We are both off to hospital. I will b ok.”

n d u s? :–(

Furious anti-government, anti-tax guy, Joe Stack, flew his plane into an IRS building in Austin. Killed an office worker. The media jumped on the angry act as something like a ‘Tea Party’ stand:

Alienated in Austin

There’s no information yet on whether he was involved in any anti-government groups or whether he was a lone wolf. But after reading his 34-paragraph screed, I am struck by how his alienation is similar to that we’re hearing from the extreme elements of the Tea Party movement.

More: Media Link Joseph Stack To ‘Tea Party’. I wasn’t buying the Stack/Teabagger connection until idiots started calling the violent ass a hero:

– Joe Stack is a “True American Hero“: Facebook Groups Support Domestic Terrorist
– Folk Hero Push For Andrew Joseph Stack

The latest fan? His daughter:

EXCLUSIVE: Texas Suicide Pilot’s Daughter Calls Dad a Hero, IRS Plane Attack ‘Inappropriate’

The daughter of the man who carried out a suicide plane attack against the IRS in Texas said she considered her father a hero for standing up to “the system” but said the attack that killed a government worker and injured 12 was “inappropriate” and “wrong.”

“His last actions, the suicide, the catastrophe that caused injuries and death, that was wrong,” Samantha Bell, Stack’s daughter from his first marriage, told “Good Morning America” in a morning television exclusive telephone interview that aired today. “But if nobody comes out and speaks up on behalf of injustice, then nothing will ever be accomplished. But I do not agree with his last action with what he did. But I do agree about the government.”

She doesn’t agree with “his last actions”? “The catastrophe”? Is she talking about Dad’s pre-meditated murder of an American veteran, Vernon Hunter?

Meet The Real Victim Of Last Week’s Terror Attack On IRS Building – Vietnam Vet, Vernon Hunter

Last week, Joseph Stack set his house on fire, drove to the airport, jumped in his plane and flew it into an IRS building in Austin, Texas. This deliberate, cowardly act of domestic terrorism resulted in injuring thirteen IRS workers and left one man dead — a veteran of the Vietnam War:

When Ken Hunter first heard about a plane crashing into his father’s office building in Austin, he said he hoped his dad, Vernon Hunter, wasn’t there.

After several attempts to reach his father, a 67-year-old IRS worker, he discovered his dad was missing.

In the hours that followed, Ken said he heard lots of talk about the pilot’s motivations and felt compelled to speak out on his father’s behalf.

“There was just too much going on about what the guy did and what he believed in, and enough’s enough,” he said. “They don’t need to talk about him. Talk about my dad. You know, some people are trying to make this guy out to be a hero, a patriot. My dad served two terms in Vietnam. This guy never served at all. My dad wasn’t responsible for his tax problems.”

Meanwhile, the Teabaggers would kill any attempt at healthcare reform, ever. Or any attempt to use the government to stimulate the economy while unemployment’s at 10% and the Great Recession drags on. Do they offer any solutions to these huge, national problems? No. Do they care that their actions will make things worse for others? No.

They’re angry, narcissistic little jerks. Heroes. Heroes. Heroes. Heroes. Heroes.

If you haven’t already heard, the ACORN ‘sting’ puppeteer James O’Keefe got arrested Monday for trying to electronically bug Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu’s office in the Hale Boggs Federal Building.

It’s about as stupid a thing as I’ve recently heard. He actually had his accomplices dress up like telephone repairmen. The ‘repairmen’ pretended to check the office phones by . . . ‘calling’ the number on cell phones they pulled out of their pockets. That sounds like telephone repairmen.

At that time, the staffer, referred to only as Witness 1 in the affidavit, observed O’Keefe positioning his cell phone in his hand to videotape the operation. O’Keefe later admitted to agents that he recorded the event.

After being asked, the staffer gave Basel access to the main phone at the reception desk. The staffer told investigators that Basel manipulated the handset. He also tried to call the main office phone using his cell phone, and said the main line wasn’t working.

I can’t seem to make your phone ring by calling it with my iPhone, it’s totally broken.

This 25 year-old is not just stupid, he’s a gigantic dumb fucking hero of the Conservative movement.

Here:

. . and:

111th CONGRESS

HOUSE RESOLUTION 809

Honoring the fact-finding reporting done by Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe III in their investigation in the fraudulent and illegal practices and misuse of taxpayer dollars by the Association of Community Organization for Reform Now (ACORN).

Whereas Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe III filmed investigatory videos uncovering the fraudulent and illegal practices of the Association of Community Organization for Reform Now (ACORN);

Whereas the House of Representatives voted to completely defund ACORN on September 17, 2009;

Whereas these videos resulted in the potential annual savings of millions of taxpayer dollars to organizations that contract with ACORN;

Whereas Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe III have displayed exemplary actions as government watchdogs and young journalists uncovering wasteful government spending; and

Whereas Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe III are owed a debt of gratitude by the people of the United States: Now, therefore, be it

Resolved, That the House of Representatives–

(1) honors Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe III for their work as investigative journalists;

(2) commends Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe III for bringing to light the fraudulent behavior of the Association of Community Organization for Reform Now (ACORN) and helping save millions of taxpayer dollars that otherwise would have funded ACORN; and

(3) respectfully requests the Clerk of the House to transmit an enrolled copy of this resolution to Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe III.

Also . . ‘The following 31 House Republicans cosponsored Olson’s measure, which declared that O’Keefe was “owed a debt of gratitude by the people of the United States”‘: