These people are insane.

I won’t hear what I’d like to hear at the presidential foreign policy debate Monday.

Writes Roger Simon. Won’t hear? What? Do tell!

What I’d like to hear is Barack Obama resigning over Benghazi, the most extreme public mishandling of an attack on American personnel ever, certainly in my lifetime.

Ahem. Testing. It’s lovely to be here at the campus of Lynn University in stunning Boca Raton, Florida, I quit. OR Thank You, Governor. Thank You, Bob. I sit here before you not-president as of, mmm, 10:30 this morning (I took the bus). MAYBE I would like to say, before I get to my opening remarks on the administration’s long-range strategy of mitigating Israeli-Palestinian violence through negotiated land swaps recognizing a limited Right of Return, I will resign at intermission. There’s an intermission, right? How’s everybody tonight?

There have been some desperate reactions to the Supreme Court’s affirmation of the constitutionality of the Affordable Healthcare Act. This would be one of them. Here’s the take-home from the 5-4 decision, I’m told:

Ann’s Omelet Recipe

1. Gather every egg in your kitchen. Throw them all down the garbage disposal. (This omelet is going to be so good. Trust me.)

2. Go out to your breaker box and turn off the electricity to your entire home. (No, really. It’s going to cook up better than anything you’ve ever had before.)

3. Burn your house down. (This omelet is going to be delicious. You’ll see.)

4. Find a handgun. Load it, cock it, put it in your mouth, pull the trigger and blow your brainstem to kingdom come. (Can’t you almost smell how delicious this omelet is going to be?)

The ‘Ann’ in this recipe for healthcare a la Cobain is Ann Barnhardt. She’s not your typical wingnut. No. This one is extra spicy buffalo.

I will not be celebrating Independence Day tomorrow, because to do so would be utterly hypocritical and a lie. The First Republic is dead, and to pretend that it isn’t only feeds and enables the usurpers and tyrants who are desecrating its corpse in order to give themselves the appearance of legitimacy. If I live to see the establishment of the Second American Republic, THAT date will I observe.

She’s having a bad day. Which is silly, isn’t it? It’s a perfectly good Wednesday. A holiday, dammit. And now a few more of us, someday, will get to see the doctor without having to pay thousands of dollars for the luxury.

. . Chief Justice John Roberts emotionally operates on the same level as the average twelve year old girl, and just sold out not just the Republic, the Constitution and the entire American populace, but really the entire planet, because now that the United States is no more, the forces of evil will run absolutely rampant over the rest of the planet.

But the government attempt to keep its citizens from needlessly wasting away and dying is too much for Ann to bear. I have no idea why this puts Earth in a concentration camp, but I have to take Ann’s word for it.

. . we are either going to have to have a junta, or an all-out hot civil war. I strongly, strongly advocate a junta at this point. A junta would be, by far, the least bloody solution. Sadly, there are no men of integrity left in the flag officer corps to do it – the U.S. military is populated by vile, power-hungry, money-grubbing Marxist degenerates just as much as the three branches.

You can’t tame the crazypants in this one.

I’ve heard of people prostrating themselves before god every day and offering up a prayer. You seen anybody make their blog do it? This bananas muffin does that. Every day. You get the feeling she grabs the dog and the cat by the back of the neck as well and gets them down on all fours. You think you’re angels, Mr. Scruffers? Pumpkin?

For the piece de non compos mentis, I add this. Here Ann reads Patrick Henry’s famous ‘Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death’ speech. This is what the Founding Fathers would have done if King George had offered them affordable alchemy. Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war. Bonus points for Barnhardt. She combines bug-eyes and glass-eyes into a mania all her own:

She reminds you of whom? In the pop culture world, that is. Rasputin after they pulled him from the river? No — Julia Louis Dreyfus. This Elaine would have killed George and worn his skin.

What a barn full of hoot owls. What a yard of dumb cows. I’ve been reading the just-released 2012 Texas State Republican Party Platform. How green do you like your pasture patties, friends? Where to begin?

Let’s say we start with “PRESERVING AMERICAN FREEDOM.” That’s as good a joke as anything else in the routine. You know what chaps the hide of Texas lovers of liberty? Can you guess? Article V of the Constitution.

Constitutional Convention – We strongly oppose any constitutional convention to rewrite the United States Constitution. We encourage the Legislature to rescind its 1977 call for such a convention. We call upon other states to rescind their votes for such a convention.

The Constitution is sacred, after all. So screw it. This is the logic of simple, traditional folks. Folks proud to defend the damned thing they can no longer abide:

Federal Tax Reform – We recommend repeal of the Sixteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, with the goal of abolishing the I.R.S and replacing it with a national sales tax collected by the States.

That needs to be done immediately. If only there were some way. More AMERICA:

Reparations – We oppose any form of reparation.

Screw you Japanese Americans interned in World War Two. Eff you Indians dragged across the Trail of Tears. American slaves, islanders of Bikini, whatever. You snooze, you die, you lose. Ha ha, freedom.

Banning the Use of Red Light Cameras – We oppose the manner in which alleged vehicle violations are documented and fines levied against individuals without proof of their having been the driver of the offending vehicle and we call for the ban on Red Light Cameras in the State of Texas.

Serious shit people.

Livestock and Pet Locations – We oppose a mandatory animal identification system.

Stick a chip in a steer’s neck? Next thing you know, there’s one in mine. No way, comrade.

Smart Meters – We oppose the mandated use of Smart Meters as well as the use of collected data to reduce freedoms of U.S. citizens.

You’re not putting one of those doohickeys in my electrical box. You can’t stick me in a concentration camp. See how Texas loves science and technology?

Unelected, Appointed Bureaucrats (Czars) – We decry the appointment of unelected bureaucrats, and we urge Congress to use their constitutional authority to defund and abolish these positions and return authority to duly elected officials, accountable to the electorate.

There are thousands upon thousands of bureaucrats in the Executive Branch of our government. A total of two of them are elected (see if you can guess which ones). So this policy would streamline the government, quickly. To the point of ending it. Loose facts: Number of Czars under Clinton? 8. Under George W.? 33. Do you remember who was the former Czar of Domestic Policy, 2004-2006? Karl Rove of course. This is why Barack Obama will face impeachment, soon.

There are too many nuclear cuckoo things in here to even begin covering it properly. This is only the first section of the first part. Laws that the platform eventually calls to repeal? The War Powers Act, Affordable Healthcare Act, Endangered Species Act, Voting Rights Act of 1965, McCain-Feingold, Sarbanes-Oxley, Dodd-Frank, Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances Law, Federal Reserve Act of 1913, Community Reinvestment Act, all hate crimes laws, virtually all taxes on anything, all minimum wage laws, and whatever established the Texas State Lottery. Get your jollies reading the crap for yourself.

Also, get the freaking government out of raw milk:

Unprocessed Foods ― We support the availability of natural, unprocessed foods, including, but not limited to, the right to access raw milk.

Have fun, Texas, killing your kids with teeming doses of Salmonella and E. coli. Morons.

Counselor?

Thank you, your honor. The defense will show that conservatism is not legally responsible for the awful shit it’s done to us because it’s forever insane.

Exhibit one: Bryan Fischer. Two weeks ago, the spokesman for the American Family Association attacked candidate Mitt Romney for hiring a homosexual, Rick Grenell.

“As I explained in a much-discussed Tweet over the weekend, the message Gov. Romney appears to be sending to the pro-family community through his Grenell appointment is ‘drop dead.’ . .

“This appointment certainly revives the oft-stated concerns about Gov. Romney from both the right and the left that he has no moral core, and is, as one left-wing columnist said, ‘a hollow man.’”

Fischer called Romney spineless. So the candidate fired the homosexual. On Tuesday, Bryan trumpeted this as a “huge win.” Exhibit two:

“Mitt Romney has been forced to say, ‘Look, I overstepped my bounds here. I went outside the parameters here. I went off the reservation with this hire. The pro-family community has called me back to the table here. Called me back inside the borders of the reservation.’”

Romney was now on the right track. He was a man of principle. “I think it improves his chances that evangelicals will support him,” Fischer said. Yesterday, Fischer reflected again on the decision. Exhibit three, the video, please:

“. . if Mitt Romney can be pushed around, intimidated, coerced, co-opted by a conservative radio talk show host in Middle America, then how is he going to stand up to the Chinese? How is he going to stand up to Putin? How is he going to stand up to North Korea if he can be pushed around by a yokel like me? I don’t think Romney is realizing the doubts that this begins to raise about his leadership.”

After Romney did what Bryan Fischer told him to do, Fischer concluded he was spineless. These people are crazier than Old Yeller, your honor. The defense rests.

The Golden Pundit, Dana Loesch, weighs in on Virginia’s shocking Valentine Wand Law. You could call it the “On your back, whore, so we can cram plastic in you” law. I was enlightened by this logic:

“’Oh what about the Virginia rape? The rapes that, the forced rapes of women who are pregnant?’ What!? Wait a minute. They had no problem having similar to a trans-vaginal procedure when they engaged in the act that resulted in their pregnancy.”

Dana: They had absolutely no problem putting something in their vaginas yesterday. Why can’t the government put something in their vaginas today? Good point. You know how women are, they’ll be all orgasm before you can even turn the thing on. So think positively of it. Think of the pleasure that technology brings. I think about the government doing this to young pregnant women, and it makes me nauseated. That’s when the ol’ bile ducts go bukkake on my stomach’s face.

Remember friends: Dana has been pregnant twice. So feel free to shove things in her. Preferably an object that emits electromagnetic radiation. Knock her on her ass and cram a flashlight in her. One of those Maglites cops love to bounce off felons’ skulls, that will do. Jam it in her. A Vespa headlight. A red hot x-ray machine. Make it fit. The space shuttle. It’s government owned and doing nothing, so put some potato soup on it and start pushing. Stuff’s been up in there before. I like logic. I love soup.

This is five star crazy.

That’s all you have to do to get rid of your political opponents? Claim they had sex with an immortal? In some circles, that’d be pretty cool.

h/t: right wing watch

First one in the pool:

“KING OF THE BIRTHERS” WILL CHALLENGE OBAMA’S ELIGIBILITY 2012
Dec 26, 2010 | New York

Internet Powerhouse and conservative Republican Party corruption fighter Andy Martin has scheduled a Chicago news conference for Wednesday, December 29th at which he is expected to announce his candidacy for the Republican Party’s 2012 presidential nomination. Martin is currently in New York.

Who wrote this big, breaking news story?

. . Press Release by Andy Martin, ©2010 . .

Right. And what do we know of this Andy Martin?

His 1996 run for the Florida State Senate came unraveled when it was revealed that he’d named his campaign committee for his 1986 congressional run “The Anthony R. Martin-Trigona Congressional Campaign to Exterminate Jew Power in America.”

So, I take it he’s an early favorite.

There goes a naked politician. Gohmert’s now caught in a stinking, lumbering lie. Might as well take his embarrassment out on Anderson Cooper.

He apparently thinks that if something could be true, then what’s the diff? No one likes a terrorist, so what does it matter if Louie’s a liar? Sheesh, Anderson.

And the ‘controversy‘ ends.

Does it matter if a politician tells an outrageous, howling lie? Of course it does, it could end his or her career.

Does it matter if a lunatic Republican tells an outrageous lie? Yes it does — how else are they gonna get TV time and fire up the base? Hell, the truth won’t do that for the wingnuts, that stuff is BORING.

Hilarious, screeching lying is the feed of fear farmers, and there’s plenty here. And the biggest bull-milker would be Louie Gohmert.

Reported on June 27, Gohmert (R–TX, of course) took to the House floor, saying that he talked to a retired FBI agent who knew of terrorists bringing in pregnant women to have children here so that the kids would have American citizenship. Then they’d return home, train the kids to be terrorists, and then send the grown-up anti-American murderers back to the states to “destroy our way of life.”

And thus was born the “Terror Babies!” knee-slapper. Sensing a good thing — volcanic bugshit — Gohmert was happy to flog it again, about a week later. But this time, with a twist.

Appearing on Fox Business Channel (?), he trotted out his “Terror Babies!” again. But, oddly, he now had a completely different source for the shocking revelation: someone he personally knew heard about it first hand. From the grandmother of two of the Terror Babies.

You see, as Gohmert and his people were flying to the Middle East on a passenger plane, one of them, just minding his own business, had the woman sitting next to him inexplicably detail the whole thing. Turns out it’s a program being run by Hamas.

Grandma married into Hamas, her son-in-law is Hamas, and she simply had to tell the stranger sitting next to her how they assured the babies’ citizenships by flying her pregnant daughter to HAmerica. Now, some day, you can bet she’ll send them back to, you know, murder us all.

This is some serious stuff. Serious enough that, some day, the bullcrap may sprout legs and walk out of Texas. Just not this week.

Texas State Rep. Debbie Riddle has some shocking news for Anderson Cooper: here come the “Terror Babies!”

COOPER: Representative Riddle, you told my producer that pregnant women are coming here as tourists, having babies, and then going back home — quote — “with the nefarious purpose of turning them into little terrorists, who will then come back to the U.S. and do us harm.” You said it’s part of an organized terrorist element and could cost us lives. Where did you hear that?

RIDDLE: Uh, that is information that is coming to my office from former FBI officials.

WOAH — she’s got Gohmert beat. Her office has talked to several FBI guys.

COOPER: But you have no actual evidence?

RIDDLE: Other than that coming from former FBI folks.

COOPER: Can you tell us who these former FBI folks are, and what evidence they have or what evidence they’ve shown you?

RIDDLE: At this point, uh, I’m not going to reveal that.

Come on, Anderson. Do you expect her to tell you she howls at the moon?

It’s good to bump into these little bits of insanity. They’re terrific reminders of what and who we’re dealing with in the realm of politics. It’s actually a relief, in a strange way, to realize so many Conservatives are practically unapproachable from the perspective of reality.

This right-winger exhorts his fellow crazies to go on the attack for the cause of Conservatism. To attack what, he doesn’t say, probably the eternal cancer of liberalism. But, in doing so, he underscores the need to hack at the world by picking a legendary — no, an historic – display of arrogant stupidity on the part of the Bush administration.

Anybody within view of sanity on a clear Summer’s day would have avoided ever mentioning it:

May 13, 2010
Conservatism on defense will ultimately lose
By Chris Adamo

Seven years ago this month, President George W. Bush made his famed landing on the Aircraft Carrier Abraham Lincoln as it returned from a tour of duty in the Middle East. An event that should have been heralded across the nation as an unparalleled symbol of America’s might and vigor in the War on Terror . .

Adamo is choosing to re-visit the ‘Mission Accomplished’ debacle:

. . was then systematically dismembered and undermined by the liberal political establishment, both on Capitol Hill and in the major media . .

This sorry episode was a lost opportunity and a travesty on several fronts. A presidential photo-op that was skillfully staged to bolster troop morale and invigorate the American people regarding their latest victory in the Terror War was subsequently reduced to liberal accusations of an empty and unfulfilled promise . .

As such, the propaganda campaign represented nothing less than a willful collaboration of the liberal media with the Islamists, and should have been portrayed to the American people in this manner.

Chris’ feelings are obviously hurt. So he’s overly-focused on this terrible insult of ours, one which he desperately wants to pivot all of history around.

But it wasn’t our words that created the conditions of war in Iraq. As the days passed, it became clear that, other than cutting the head off the government, our ‘might and vigor’ were capable of little other than hanging on as badly under-manned occupiers there. We had been severely limited by our incompetence, arrogance and unwillingness to properly take over a country that the administration preferred to think of as a convenient bauble won in a breezy war.

So as Iraq slid ever more surely into a hopeless eruption of mind-numbing slaughter, killing thousands of Americans and probably hundreds of thousands of civilians, it became clear that the War in Iraq was an historic tragedy that no words or propaganda could have prevented.

Chris Adamo obviously doesn’t care. Like all good Conservatives, the great symbolism of things matters more than the things themselves: the ‘Mission Accomplished’ event was historic Americana. But then the liberals destroyed it. Never mind the logarithmic loss of life, entirely avoidable if only the Bushies had come to their senses and avoided invading Iraq. The Conservatives should have attacked the liberals for what they did, even, yes, as Americans were increasingly and mysteriously being blown to bits carrying out a mission already ‘accomplished.’

Chris’ feelings are still sore over it. He never wants to let that happen again.

What’s a word for ‘beyond preposterous’? Preposterousest? Preposterousisimo?

How do I fairly describe the emerging right-wing meme that the Times Square bomber, Pakistani Faisal Shahzad, was a liberal? Correspondingly, he was goaded by the reckless left-wing media? I’m currently at a loss for appropriate language for the charges.

A Muslim terrorist sympathetic to the Pakistani Taliban, who have been attacked and killed in drone strikes? Fine, okay. But a liberal? You wingnuts have lost the remnants of what once were minds:

So if this guy seeks revenge for the killing of Pakistani Muslims, that’s not the point? What’s important is how much he hated Bush? That’s what makes him a liberal, rrrriiiiiggghht. You idiots have just thrown the 9/11 hijackers into the Democratic party.

I’m gonna go hog wild here and say he’s actually a Conservative. Why? Because it’s a safe bet he hates Barack Obama. No real reason for it, he just does.

March 14, 2010

Barack Obama, former CIA agent
By Deanna Spingola

I recently had the pleasure of talking with Dr. James David Manning who has been ministering to the people of Harlem since 1981 . .

Actual bio quote: 'Deanna Spingola has been a quilt designer and is the author of two books.'

Dr. Manning heads the Columbia Obama Treason Trial which is scheduled for May 14-19, 2010 at the ATLAH building at 38 West 123rd Street in ATLAH, New York, 10027 . .

The CIA needed Muslims or others who were fluent in Farsi and who could easily blend into the Muslim environment in the Middle East. The CIA persuaded Columbia University to extend their foreign student program to Obama, now a Columbia student, so that he might travel to Pakistan and enroll in the universities around Karachi in addition to the Patrice Lumumba School in Moscow . .

Obama, as an undercover agent, was the lead agent in the arms and money supply for the CIA-trained Taliban Army against the Soviet Army war machine. His actions were integral to the Taliban’s success in their opposition to the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. Obama, it is publicly acknowledged, went to Pakistan in 1981. There is no way of knowing how often Obama traveled between Pakistan and Russia. According to Dr. Manning, Obama was an interpreter for the CIA during the war in Afghanistan. When Obama completed his CIA operations in the mid 1980s and returned to the U.S. he persuaded the State Department to maneuver his entrance into Harvard Law School . .