It’s been a little while since I checked in with our Christian friends at Run Away, America! Renew America. If you’re into Thorazine walkabouts, this would a great place to catch a dose of Jesus-flavored nutso.

A quick read of the site amazes. The inmates are still banging away at Obama’s birthplace? His religion? They’re attacking his sexuality? Yes, absolutely. There is nothing too unhinged to really draw out and linger upon, usually accompanied with the helpless flailing of arms and the hot eye-crapping of tears. The desperation is uni-omni and palpable. My God. Is there just no way out of Satan’s ass?

On any assumption of goodwill toward America and its institutions, Obama’s policies appear incoherent, disjointed, incompetent, and self-destructive. On the assumption of hostility toward America’s vital interests and its way of life, however, they resolve into the rational, coherent, and indeed directly linear pursuit of its destruction.

That’s Alan Keyes, he runs the place. That’s a sober opinion frankly. Lloyd Marcus:

. . Obama’s socialist/progressive monster is wrecking havoc making all of the Left’s cultural and societal dreams come true; the redefinition of marriage, government control of your children, suppression of Christianity, disarming the American people, open borders and amnesty for illegals, a majority of the population on government assistance and most devastating of all, government having total control of our behavior – deciding who lives and who dies via Obamacare.

Does your health insurance control your behavior? Do you know? Or do you think you know because . . ibid. Anyway, get ready for the Aetna Robocalypse 2014. Sher Zieve:

Taking on the tone of the surreal, recent “massacres” – many aspects of which strongly appear to have been staged by the ObamaGov and Marxist Hollywood for maximum effect toward assisting them in establishing a US police state – from Aurora, CO through Sandy Hook to the latest Boston Marathon bombings are continuing to develop into what appear to be “staged events” status.

You thought a massacre was an historic event, but it’s constantly changing – like the weather. You wake up and wonder who shot Gabby Giffords this morning. Maybe the winds will pick up and that 8 year-old boy will survive the bombing. Hope springs eternal. Laurie Roth on you know who:

He is truthfully, a Muslim, most likely Muslim Brotherhood in orientation, posing as a Christian only to manipulate votes. He masks himself as a Democrat, but is really by his endless associations, actions and big government over-reach a bold socialist-Communist.

There is bold evidence that he is gay or bi-sexual. Endless witnesses from Chicago clubs and news sources, even some who say they had sex with Obama, verified this lifestyle when Obama was a senator. He was part of the “down low” club for gay guys in Rev. Wright’s church. The gay community there called him “Bath House” Barry. He was a regular in gay clubs in Chicago, but media and politicians are supposed to pretend this ain’t so.

There is zero evidence that Obama was born in Hawaii or anyplace else in this country.

The bee’s knees, isn’t it? He’s a Coolie Commie Muslim fag. I dare say it’s the perfect post. There doesn’t seem to be a single thing missing.

Is there any doubt that this man is a precursor to the Antichrist? Not in my mind.

Oops, thanks Matt. Don’t forget Satan. And don’t forget to vote Santorum/Mephisto in 2016.

One of the terrific features of conservatism is its intellectual flexibility. The world may call something ‘truth’ or ‘history’ or ‘steely fact’ but this does not prevent a wingnut from mangling it to his will. In fact the more clever one is, the more driven he will be to turn the situation inside out. To the Values People, only politics is sacred.

These reconstituted arguments usually appear in educational form. Did You Know The KKK Doesn’t Actually Hate Anyone? It’s true. They’re just proud to be white. Cross burning is part of their rich cultural tradition and occasionally it gets done on your lawn, Jack. If this stops you from sticking it to the Nubian princess across town, that’s a civilized bummer.

Ann Coulter loves to play this game. Did You Know Democrats Are America’s Nastiest Racists? It’s true. They marched for civil rights just to make faces at everybody. Republicans, OTOH, will wrap a bro’ up in an ebony soul shake quicker than you can say ‘Rick Santorum.’ Lord only knows why Mitt Romney polled 94% fewer blacks than Barack Obama, plantation master.

Now this:

Many today, who would quickly proclaim there is an absolute, two-way, impregnable wall between church and state, somehow also assert that for some reason it stops there, and this same impregnable, two-way wall is considered anathema when it comes to other freedoms mentioned in the same amendment. In other words, there is no “separation of speech and state,” no “separation of press and state,” and no “separation of public protests and state.”

You’re saying ‘huh?’ The State can’t tell the press what to do, so this is insane. Did I mention the Ann Coulter? Oh right, of course this is crazy. It gets crazier, man:

Can you imagine someone seriously arguing the government cannot interfere with a free press, while at the same time advocating that neither can the press use its influence to affect matters of state? That would be a violation of the “separation of press and state.”

Oh. I get it. The government should run away from religion but religion should run the government. The restraint should be a one-way deal, like those pig valves in your heart. The government alone deserves the institutional cornholing. We should expect this from the right Rev. Mark H. Creech, preening godbother. Preach, mister:

Nothing in the First Amendment was ever meant to suggest our nation’s Founders were trying to protect the state from the church, the government from the press, etc. The purpose of the first ten amendments to the Constitution was to create a one-way wall to protect the citizenry from the government, not the other way around. They were setting up a barrier to safeguard the public from abuses of power, not to save the state from the church or any other function of the people.

I am plenty sick of this sectarian self-serving. Creech humbly titles his Jeebus dialectic “Freedom from religion leads to no freedom”, and I take that to mean I am something of a human gulag.

The Founding Fathers call bullshit on you, pal. Their hopes for government were that it would recognize and reinforce the freedoms of its citizens. By contrast, religions they held little hope for. That’s why they put church/state separation right in the very first amendment. They knew what they were doing. It doesn’t take much searching the internets to discover that. Thomas Jefferson:

“. . I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their “legislature” should “make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” thus building a wall of separation between church and State.”

And:

“The Christian god is a three headed monster, cruel, vengeful, and capricious. If one wishes to know more of this raging, three headed beast-like god, one only needs to look at the caliber of people who say they serve him. They are always of two classes: fools and hypocrites.”

Bingo. James Madison:

“. . practical distinction between Religion and Civil Government is essential to the purity of both, and as guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States.”

And:

“What influence, in fact, have ecclesiastical establishments had on society? In some instances they have been seen to erect a spiritual tyranny on the ruins of the civil authority; on many instances they have been seen upholding the thrones of political tyranny; in no instance have they been the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wish to subvert the public liberty may have found an established clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate it, needs them not.”

Needs them not. Meaning you Reverend Creech. And if you want to criticize the government from the pulpit, knock yourself out. Be a man about it, and pay your taxes.

St. Louis pastor gets an Applebee’s bill for $34.93. But she stiffs the waitress for the mandatory 18% tip. She leaves a message on the receipt: ‘I give God 10% why do you get 18[?]‘ The fuck-you makes its way onto the internet, then a waitress loses her job, and so the pastor? Poor dear:

. . Alois Bell said that the online firestorm created by the receipt has left her stunned. “My heart is really broken,” said the 37-year-old Bell. “I’ve brought embarrassment to my church and ministry.”

This is some sort of apology says the Smoking Gun. No, it’s only the double barrel of pathos and bathos we get from self-serving tools. An apology would have been sincerely directed at the waitress who now needs another crap $3.50/hr job. Alois is frankly above something so decent.

How do I know? Because Alois doesn’t pay God fuck what. She pays herself. It’s her own ministry. That’s no different from your funding an environmentalist start-up and swearing the pine trees take 10% of everything. Or building an art studio and swearing the muses own all your bank accounts. For this same sort of person to try to pinch, say, the gas company because she finds their whole business trivial, that’s assholery.

And if Alois is so certain that most human labor is competing for what Jesus-literally-herself deserves, then she can lock herself in her home. She can rot her lofted life away rightly in her stinking holy chaise. If you’re too good to take the world as it is, feel free to leave it alone. Please.

It happens occasionally, I ask myself: “Is it me?” The question is a housekeeping function of sanity. “Am I the one who’s insane?” You spend some time calling other people unreasonable, you need to know. Crazy things were said, someone is crazy.

Do you really want to be an organ donor?
By Paul A. Byrne, M.D.

Life on earth continues until true death. Prior to the desire to get organs for transplantation, no one was declared dead with a beating heart, circulation, or breathing. Every organ for transplantation is taken from a living person. Would anyone with common sense believe that a cadaver, a dead body, would have organs that could be transplanted?

Is someone making a faith-based case against organ transplantation? Yes they are.

“Brain death” was concocted to get beating hearts and other vital organs for transplantation. A living body can become a dead body only by going through true death (L. mors vera); what then remains is a cadaver. A vital organ that occurs singly, e.g., the heart, cannot be transplanted from a cadaver. Donors must be living. Much information about these significant matters of life and death is kept from the public. What you do not know can kill you.

Your brain is dead. You will never know, think or feel again. But don’t you swallow the liberal argument just yet:

Any priest worth his salt would not deny Baptism to someone with a beating heart, circulation, and respiration (assuming that this is an infant of Catholic parents or an adult scheduled for Baptism in the near future). If the priest can baptize, can he accept and theologically authorize cutting into the chest of this same person to cut out the beating heart for transplantation into another person? Every heart that is transplanted is a healthy heart taken from a living person who is killed in the process.

Let the heart die, and whoever needs it as well. The ostensible Christian argument in defense of human life. You read something like this, you don’t need to check who’s crazy for a while.

Holy Matt Barber! What a tower of conservative thought in action. Cast your eyes upon these whopper credentials: Director of Cultural Affairs with both Liberty Counsel and Liberty Alliance Action and Associate Dean of Liberty University School of Law. Impressive, eh? You’d think such a big man would find it harder to hide behind Jerry Sandusky’s dick.

In recent months, “progressive” lawmakers, activist attorneys and militant homosexual pressure groups have launched a fierce campaign to ban therapeutic help for child victims of monsters like homosexual pedophile Jerry Sandusky. California has already passed such a law (SB 1172).

SB 1172 bans ‘gay reparative therapy’ from being used on minors. Since it’s a completely fraudulent idea and technique which frequently drives teens towards suicide, the legislation is long past overdue.

But Matt thinks he is foxier than facts, or death.

The connection between homosexual abuse and “gay identity” is undeniable.

Under Sandusky Laws, if children begin to experience sexual confusion — such as unwanted same-sex attractions stemming from sexual abuse, trauma or any other factor — these bans force, under penalty of law, parents and therapists to tell the children that they are now “gay” or “transgender” and must live with it — even if they don’t wish to live with it and are otherwise recovering from the abuse-caused sexual confusion.

Given the desire to cover your homophobia with bunk science, your politics with Sandusky’s sodomy, and your abuse of struggling teens with judicial asshattery, can I ask an utterly depraved man to fuck the fuck off? I can. Matt. Fuck. Off.

The Catholic Church would like to have a word with you. Pass on a little constructive advice. Only take a minute of your time. Have a little chat, the two of you. It’s really no big deal. It’s just that voting for Barack Obama “places the eternal salvation of your own soul in serious jeopardy.”

Bishop Thomas John Paprocki called out the Democratic Party for temporarily removing God from their platform, supporting abortion and recognizing that ‘gay rights are human rights.’

“There are many positive and beneficial planks in the Democratic Party Platform, but I am pointing out those that explicitly endorse intrinsic evils,” the bishop explained.

Gay rights are human rights. Unless Paprocki’s saying their wildebeests, or something. Sorry, Bishop, go on:

“My job is not to tell you for whom you should vote. But I do have a duty to speak out on moral issues. I would be abdicating this duty if I remained silent out of fear of sounding ‘political’ and didn’t say anything about the morality of these issues. People of faith object to these platform positions that promote serious sins.”

“So what about the Republicans? I have read the Republican Party Platform and there is nothing in it that supports or promotes an intrinsic evil or a serious sin,” Paprocki added.

Politics? Where? That’s not political at all. A bishop holding a spiritual gun to the heads of Catholics, telling them one party promotes “intrinsic evils.” You’re not telling anybody how to vote, no. You’re telling them how to avoid being broiled forever like a steak in the fires of Hades. What politics?

People ask TV preacher Pat Robertson questions. He answers them.

[Viewer:] I am the mother of 3 adopted girls. I find the men I date are okay when I tell them I have three daughters, but when they find out they are adopted and from three different countries and not my own biological children, they don’t want to date any more. . . Why are these men reacting this way?

[Kristi:] That’s just wrong on every level . .

“No, it’s not wrong. I mean a man doesn’t want to take on the United Nations. And this woman’s got all these various children and blended family. I mean, what is it?”

What is it? It’s the viewer’s family. A family full of kids with different ethnicities that good Christian men run from like a foundering Nazi blimp afire. Which is understandable, as they’re men, good and Christian. So wake up lady! Dump the mismatches, then you might snare yourself a bashful Bland Wizard. You deserve a shot at a real family, one rich with indistinguishable white progeny, founded upon a love as real and alive as any forty-six chromosomes.

“I’ve got a dear friend, adopted a son, little kid from an orphanage down in Colombia. The child had brain damage. You know, grew up weird. And you just never know what’s been done to a child before you get that child; what kind of sexual abuse there has been, what kind of cruelty, what kind of food deprivation, etc., etc., etc.”

To the problem of which little orphan really deserves your love, we apply some TLC:

If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
If you live at home wit’ your momma
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
If you have a shorty but you don’t show love
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don’t want no

No scrub
No scrub (no no)
No scrub (no no no no)

Get it? It’s the song of Pat Robertson’s righteous heart. Poor, lonely and brain-damaged little boys need not apply. Kick-asses who snatch the retards lunch money are wanted and welcome to live with Pat and heaven’s other Chosen Men. As for the little girls, I’ll say the same thing applies but in some opposite way. If you’re worthy, princess, you’ll figure it out.

“So, you’re not a dog because you don’t want to take on that responsibility, You don’t have to take on somebody else’s problems. I mean you really don’t. . . We love orphans, we love helping people. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that I want to take all the orphans around the world into my home.”

What’s the takeaway? Jesus wasn’t stupid, pal. Here endeth the lesson.

These are fun to look at. A cartoonist named ‘Dale’ contributes to the badly written, comma-ridden loon grotto Renew America. The scribbles posture as definitive take-downs of liberalism.

This particular one wipes Richard Dawkins off the planet:

Spreading his venom for God to kids under the guise of Scientism is about as putrid as it gets. Children using simple God-given logic conclude the existence of a creator. It requires an abandonment of logic to attain self omniscience and declare there is no God. The materialist’s faith in the escape hatch of “there just wasn’t enough evidence for me” won’t wash on judgement [sic] day. Here’s a book idea: The ghost of Christopher Hitchens, Jacob Marley style, appears to Richard Dawkins and sets him straight. Dickey would probably make a hash of it, too bad Hitchens isn’t still around to write it. –Dale

It’s some measure of God-terror that Dale prays the courageous and recently deceased Hitchens be his cowering pal. Christian class, thy name is ‘Inkboy.’

How about we ‘shorter’ this?

1.) “Richard Dawkins is just too stupid to be Christian.”

2.) “Nothing plus 4.6 billion years equals ‘sheer madness.’ Eternal plus 4 thousand years equals ‘stone cold logic.’”

3.) “Clay can’t see or hear you, so it can’t possibly know you exist. But it better say you have a big dick or you’ll smash it.”

What have the saints ever done? Healed the odd believing person? Once every millennium or so? Big deal. Cindy Jacobs does that every day. Actually she does better: she just conjured the loaves of bread thing, as expected, right in front of thousands in her church. Try that Hebrew Space Zeus.

That’s not all: Cindy turned a few Sacagewa nickels into a vault of bearer bonds by levitating a bank. She stuffed a barren woman’s fallopian parts full of a baby by channeling a John Edward broadcast. Not bad.

Heck I’m a big boy, marvel-wise. I know the Bible was mostly lying. Jesus’ buddies told everybody a bunch of cock n’ bull stories ‘cuz they were trying to make him look good. But who here is trying to make Cindy Jacobs look good? Shoot, she’s not even dead.

So Cindy’s miracles have gotta be real. Thousands of people confirm them to Deutsche Bank, Hostess Inc., the New England Journal of Medicine and other regulatory authorities. Thus, suck it Thor.

Guinness just ate his entire Book of Records. Cindy reverse-engineers it and appends a Sumerian index. So bow down to your new God, Christians. Cindy Jacobs. Or fight your way out of Houdini’s milk can Sundays some time after 9:30 and 11:00.

Bishops Say Rules on Gay Parents Limit Freedom of Religion
LAURIE GOODSTEIN | New York Times | Dec 28 2011

Roman Catholic bishops in Illinois have shuttered most of the Catholic Charities affiliates in the state rather than comply with a new requirement that says they must consider same-sex couples as potential foster-care and adoptive parents if they want to receive state money. The charities have served for more than 40 years as a major link in the state’s social service network for poor and neglected children.

soapbox/ Why should the state partner with an organization that discriminates against better parents in order to place children with inferior ones? It’s bad government to participate in incompetence. It’s appalling to promote discrimination.

Why can’t the church do the right thing? Presumably, the ‘right thing’ would be of some interest? It doesn’t promote homosexuality to place children with same-sex parents. It doesn’t make the gays any more gay, and it doesn’t queer the kids.

You say ‘I can’t imagine them doing that.’ Yeah, here’s why: Children who grow up with gay parents will love them. And that’s a reality the Catholic Church can’t stand.

Someone set the alarm on one of those 400 foot clocks: you’re getting increasingly marginalized by a society that’s learning to value all its citizens, Papa. The lingering memory of your church will include the way it rejected the example of Christ, pushing aside orphans to embrace hate. /soapbox

Shorter:

Funny Hats Rout Children
by Dusty Cliche | woebegonesports.com | Feb 2, ∞

Extending a remarkable streak, the Roman Mitres blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah fear blah blah blah . . .

There was this guy, see? And he was a god. There was already another god, so I guess he was the second one. And he did impossible stuff, like making the lame walk. But he was only around this one time, in one place, and when they tried to kill him, he died. Hmm. He was alive again, for a little while, and died again, or left. He hasn’t come back, I don’t know. Anyway, the first god — the second god? — wanted your soul to die, but now it’s different. As long as you believe in the second god, and do whatever they say. And a guy in Italy.

You like movies?

Saturday 03 December 2011
‘Harry Potter and yoga are evil’, says Catholic Church exorcist

“Practising yoga is Satanic, it leads to evil just like reading Harry Potter,” [Father Gabriele Amorth] told a film festival in Umbria this week, where he was invited to introduce The Rite, a film about exorcism starring Sir Anthony Hopkins as a Jesuit priest . .

“Satan is always hidden and what he most wants is for us not to believe in his existence. He studies every one of us and our tendencies towards good and evil, and then he offers temptations.” Science was incapable of explaining evil, said Father Amorth, who has written two books on his experiences as an exorcist. “It’s not worth a jot.”

Anthony Hopkins — boo! Fava beans, remember that?

Some things are funny. Muffins with ketchup. Ants with anvils. Mice with cataracts.

Christians writing burlesque:

'exorbitofallution'

Zuccotti zombie apocalypse
By Hassan Nurullah | Renew America | November 17, 2011

They are among us! They look like you and me but be not deceived. They shamble en masse in search of places to aimlessly occupy. As their numbers grow, they infect an area and begin to fester. Left unabated, they send up a putrid stench accompanied by a stentorian cacophony.

Zoots and obscure. Where’s my . . thesaurus?

The fevered minds of the zuccotti formulate incoherent messages giving rise to discordant paradigms which perpetuate their circumstances.

Take that. Where’s my . . dictionary?

All those who seek to communicate and understand these creatures, have their attempts at reason rejected. These brave souls eventually recoil — stunned — minds reeling as they are subjected to one vicious regress after another.

I wanted to talk to the bastard but he left. Right in front of me.

Unchecked, the zuccotti will infect your families, your neighbors and friends.

Note to self: I have not used the semi-colon; now would be the time.

We see their withering effect on society as members of the media and left wing political leaders who seem particularly susceptible; regularly succumb to this plague.

Protestors suck. Flaubert out.