I would imagine when you’re hired on as a National Review racist that you’re expected to do better than this. The desk comes with expectations. There are co-workers to consider, and an East Coast Klavern legacy to dignify. And if your very best efforts only result in hucking a hanging meatball our way nobody is going to feel particularly satisfied:

Near-Suicidal Immigration Policies
By Victor Davis Hanson | National Review

Deportation has become a near-taboo word. Yet the Boston bombings inevitably rekindle old questions about the way the U.S. admits, and at times deports, foreign nationals.

Despite the Obama administration’s politically driven and cyclical claims of deporting either a lot more or a lot fewer non-citizens, no one knows how many are really being sent home — for a variety of reasons.

Oh yes, that’s the photo above the column. No it isn’t really that size – it’s much bigger. Hanson also asked the graphics department to render Tsarneav’s nose so that it nudged old dowagers in the asscrack as they doddered by, but “3-D” isn’t yet so sophisticated.

Say Victor? This is what you’re going with? No one knows how many Boogaloos get deported from the United States? Eek! I myself bothered to look into that horror, briefly. Turns out the deporting parties be the government who, wow, keep tabs on such things.

Although President Obama supports setting a path to citizenship for many illegal immigrants, his administration deported a record 1.5 million of them in his first term.

In addition, the released by the government in recent days show that an unprecedented 409,849 people were deported for the fiscal year that ended Sept. 30.

Zoot obscures! Numbers and all.

All-time highs. Damn. After you began so promisingly with the Menacing Terrorist.

And how does one define deportation? If someone from Latin America is detained by authorities an hour after illegally crossing the border and sent back, does he count as “apprehended” or “deported”?

Just what does “deport” mean? At what point does it apply? This is the sophistication a game of Jenga would rise to if it were played with shims.

If a terrorist climbs over a border fence and lands in Arizona, I’d say he’s in America. If you’d like to send him home, the word is appropriate: He’ll be “deported.” K? This, btw, typically occurs only after he’s been “apprehended.” But feel free to fly him back to Jalisco employing a helicopter and a grappling hook if that’s your thing.

President Obama’s own aunt, Zeituni Onyango, not only broke immigration law by overstaying her tourist visa but also compounded that violation by illegally receiving state assistance as a resident of public housing. Only after Obama was elected president was his aunt finally granted political asylum on the grounds that she would be unsafe in her native Kenya.

Right about here I assume Hanson spits on the ground. Ptaw. So she’s likely to get kidnapped, and ransomed, for nothing, and then killed as a result of some meaningless far-flung family association, but are those reasons to rescue her? She tried to stay in America. She went and lived in public housing. What is wrong with you people?

From time to time, we check in upon the ultra-Christian, ultra-wingnut decapitating Mexican drug cartel, La Familia Michoacana. Breaking: in another setback, LFM’s latest leader has been captured.

Leader of “La Familia Michoacana” captured in Toluca
Milenio online | 3-20-12

Elements of the Public Safety Secretariat (SSC) arrested Juan Carlos Coránguez Gonzalez, “El Rojo,” leader of La Familia Michoacana while staff of the same unit said six other suspected kidnappers, including a woman, were captured during an operation in the south of the state on the border with the state of Guerrero.

Juan Carlos Coránguez González, “El Rojo,” captured

Through its official Twitter account, the security minister, Salvador Neme Sastré, revealed the capture of “El Rojo”, but without giving further details about the operation . .

After La Familia had their founder and spiritual leader killed and had many of their faithful split off into Los Caballeros Templarios, the group hasn’t been as strong as they once were. A couple days ago, rivals of La Familia exacted tit-for-tat revenge:

Mexico police find 10 heads outside slaughterhouse
KSNT.com

ACAPULCO, Mexico (AP) — Mexican authorities have found 10 severed heads dumped outside a slaughterhouse in a town in northern Guerrero state. They are still looking for the bodies.

A statement from the Teloloapan police says the heads of seven men and three women were left with a message that appears to threaten the La Familia Michoacana drug cartel. The warning says: “This is going to happen to all those who support the FM.”

Sunday, the cops went out looking for the bodies, and . .

ACAPULCO, Mexico — Gunmen ambushed and killed 12 police officers who had been sent to search for the bodies of 10 people whose severed heads were found in southern Guerrero state, authorities said Monday.

Guerrero state police spokesman Arturo Martinez said six state and six local officers were killed Sunday night on a road leading out of the town of Teloloapan. Another 11 officers were wounded.

These folks are a God-fearing bunch. As that guy is really crazy.

Odd things going on in the Republican presidential campaign. Unprecedented things, I think. Michele Bachmann proposes ending both the corporate and personal income taxes. What will she be president of — memories of the United States?

I see behavior I would think disqualifies someone from the White House. How do you take a candidate seriously when they offer definitive statements or positions on important issues that amount to farcical lies?

I find it hard to accept. Perhaps I am out of the mainstream here, as far as Republicans go. Of course, you couldn’t shoot me to be a Republican.

Cain Proposes Electrified Border Fence
October 15, 2011, 5:37 pm

Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain said Saturday that part of his immigration policy would be to build an electrified fence on the country’s border with Mexico that could kill people trying to enter the country illegally.

This idea from Cain doesn’t surprise me. He’s as deep as one of his pizzas. When he sees an opportunity to excite the racists, he’ll take it. I’m surprised he didn’t promise to fund ten thousand armed guard towers and a permanent helicopter gunship patrol.

The remarks, which came at two campaign rallies in Tennessee as part of a barnstorming bus tour across the state, drew loud cheers from crowds of several hundred people at each rally. At the second stop, in Harriman, Tenn., Mr. Cain added that he also would consider using military troops “with real guns and real bullets” on the border to stop illegal immigration.

I spoke too soon. He edited “with real Blackhawks.”

“It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’”

Obviously, appointed with bullets and high-voltage electricity, Cain’s message is: I will kill the Mexicans. No wonder the crowds are crazy for him. He’s as murderously loony as they are.

Saying that some critics have told him that his remarks about building a fence are insensitive, Mr. Cain said that the fault lies with the actions of some illegal immigrants. “It’s insensitive for them to be killing our citizens, killing our border agents,” he said. “That’s what’s insensitive. And that mess has to stop.”

There you go, that’s why he leads in the polls. He’s practicing a different kind of retail politics and making a killing doing so. He will sell you anything you want to hear. He’s the Amazon.com of the campaign.

Cain Says His Deadly Fence Plan Was ‘a Joke’
October 16, 2011, 11:40 am

“That’s a joke,” Mr. Cain told the journalist David Gregory during an appearance on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” where he was asked about the electrified fence. “That’s not a serious plan. I’ve also said America needs to get a sense of humor.”

And there’s the odd thing. Cain goes out on the campaign trail, delivers his own Meat-Lover’s solutions to America’s problems, and the crowds devour it. Hours later, he claims, “That? I was kidding.”

That plan, it was not serious. And neither was I. Herman is telling you that his posturing, not his words, will carry the vital message of his campaign. His ideas aren’t actually real, David, pay them no mind. Is this what Republicans will do from now on? Or did Calvin Coolidge bullshit his way into the White House? They’re kidding about being the “serious” party, too.

Obviously, Herman Cain isn’t worried about being labelled a con man. Maybe he knows he only has to be perceived as angry and potentially deadly to be considered serious among Conservatives. So amongst the crowds, he’s as hard as anyone. But, in person, he’s a softie, just like you. Isn’t that sweet? That he would lie to voters in order to appear so nasty demonstrates the type of gravitas Republicans are shopping for.

ADD: (Monday) If I’d have known Joe Arpaio, America’s dou-sheriff, was about to summarize my Herman Cain post with a single sentence, I could have dispensed with all that typing:

“Oh, I’m sure he was joking, but it probably means that he’s taking it serious to do something at the border and stop the illegal immigrations,” the Maricopa Country sheriff declared.

ADD: (Tuesday) Getting stranger. First . .

Halfway through the question about the electric fence, Cain butted in with “it was a joke!”

“Let me first say it was a joke, and some people don’t think that it was a good joke, and it’s probably not a joke that you’re supposed to make if you’re a presidential candidate,” Cain continued. “I apologize if it offended anyone.

. . and then . .

…however, I don’t apologize for using a combination of a fence. And it might be electrified — I’m not walking away from that,” Cain backtracked. “I just don’t want to offend anybody. It was a joke to the extent in the context of the views of that speech, but in terms of what we need to do, I fully intend to do so because I’m more sensitive to our citizens being hurt.”

If any of you are familiar with the neurological malady in play here, feel free to comment.

What is it like to be afraid of the state you live in? How does it feel to fear the government, the police, the paramedics, the meter maid? What do you do when you think you might be separated from your family at any moment? When you might be sent thousands of miles from home?

If you really want to know, you can ask the folks who live in Albertville, Alabama. They’ve become deathly afraid of the government. After a state judge ruled Alabama’s far over-reaching anti-immigrant legislation was legal, they’ve become frightened. They don’t know what will happen to them. They don’t feel safe.

As a result, the town isn’t the same. It’s become strange and quiet. As the New York Times reported, Albertville is changing because the townspeople are leaving.

By Monday afternoon, 123 students had withdrawn from the schools in this small town in the northern hills, leaving behind teary and confused classmates. Scores more were absent. Statewide, 1,988 Hispanic students were absent on Friday, about 5 percent of the entire Hispanic population of the school system.

John Weathers, an Albertville businessman who rents and has sold houses to many Hispanic residents, said his occupancy had suddenly dropped by a quarter and might drop further, depending on what happens in the next week. Two people who had paid off their mortgages called him asking if they could sell back their homes, Mr. Weathers said.

Grocery stores and restaurants were noticeably less busy, which in some cases may be just as well, because some employees stopped showing up. In certain neighborhoods the streets are uncommonly quiet, like the aftermath of some sort of rapture.

I have to offer my congratulations to Alabamians. You xenophobes have whined about the Messicans for years. You wanted them out, or dead. Now you’re getting your wish. Well done.

ADD: Pity poor Albertville. A year ago April, they got hit by a tornado:

Now they’re uprooting their own Hispanic population.

As a result of running gun battles between La Familia Michoacana and Mexican government forces that raged week-long across the western state of Michoacan, a serious blow was dealt to the Christianist drug cartel Thursday. The head and spiritual leader of La Familia, Nazario Moreno Gonzalez — El Chayo — was shot and killed.

Nazario “El Chayo” Moreno, one of the purported founders of “La Familia” drug cartel, was thought to have died during a battle this week with security forces, said Alejandro Poiré, the Mexican spokesman on security matters.

Nazario Moreno Gonzalez, the leader of Mexico’s La Familia drug cartel, was shot and killed yesterday by authorities in the western state of Michoacan, government security spokesman Alejandro Poire said today.

Moreno, known as “El Chayo,” was a founder of what the U.S. government calls “one of Mexico’s newest and most violent drug cartels.” The Mexican government had Moreno on its most- wanted list, offering 30 million pesos ($2.4 million) for information that could lead to his arrest.

The extensive fighting underscored the government’s growing willingness to fight the ultra-violent cartel. El Chayo’s death is a big victory for Mexico, its people, and President Felipe Calderon. The horrible intrastate violence came at a steep price, though: a number of people were injured and killed, civilians included.

The conflict in Michoacán included shootouts between federal forces and cartel gunmen in 12 cities across the state. Among the dead: the teenage daughter of a city mayor and an eight-month-old baby who authorities said was hit by a stray bullet.

This week’s sweeping battles took a toll on security forces. Five federal police were killed along with three people believed to be drug gang members, Mr. Poiré said.

The damage done to La Familia Michoacan as a result of El Chayo’s death is yet to be known, but is likely significant. La Familia was famous not only for its extremely violent ways — beheadings were a trademark of the group — but also for its demands that members follow an extremist Christianity inspired by American John Eldredge.

A favorite of James Dobson and his ‘Focus on the Family,’ Eldredge wrote and taught about a brand of Christian men’s life that emphasized machismo. Eldredege claimed that the essential nature of men, as personified by Jesus Christ, is one of being ‘Wild at Heart,’ the title of his book that made the dubious case.

El Chayo took Eldredge to heart, and reinforced the ‘wild’ idea to its members. It was he who created the disciplined but contrasting behavior of a drug gang who were quick to ambush and kill policemen, assassinate cartel rivals whose severed heads became public calling cards, but also to read and take to heart both Eldredge’s incitements as well as El Chayo’s: he wrote his own ‘bible’ and proudly distributed it freely to members and Michoacanas.

We will see how effectively his lieutenants can carry on his spiritual philosophy and teachings. With La Familia Michoacana, the personal imprints of ‘El Mas Loco’ certainly fueled its quick rise to success, notoriety, and vast riches. Within the world of the cartels, eternally at war with the government of Mexico and its people, we hope they fail.

[sources: Business Week, BBC, Wall Street Journal, Momento 24.]

“El Chayo,” boss who brought “divine justice” to Michoacan with AK-47s, killed
Julián Rodríguez Marín | Dec. 10, 2010

(EFE) – He was considered a messiah by his countrymen, but Nazario Moreno Gonzalez, alias “El Chayo,” cartel leader of La Familia Michoacana, was more likely to bring “divine justice” to his enemies.

In August of 2009, President Felipe Calderón, a native of Michoacan, sent thousands of soldiers and police to the state in retaliation for the killing of twelve federal police and to check the growing brazenness of the cartel. One year and four months later, “El Chayo” was shot and killed.

If you act like an ass while you’re running in the western states, you suffer the consequences. Hows about you Republican fools getting a healthy dose of rebound messaging? They may not make up their political minds quickly, but — when they do?

. . do not fuck with Latinos:

1.) Early Sharron Angle campaign messaging:

2.) October polling:

TCJ Research 10/7-10/9 Polls Analysis: Angle Expands Lead, O’Donnell Still Behind
Monday, October 11, 2010 | Rick @ The Conservative Journal

Nevada Senate: Finally for my favorite Senate race of this election cycle, the Sharron Angle v. Harry Reid contest. Our numbers show Angle (52%) widening her lead to 6 points, largely due to Reid’s numbers falling a bit to 46%. With only 2% undecided, Angle looks to be in good position for this race. The only remaining variables are: How many people will vote none of these, and who, if anyone, will vote for 3rd party candidate Scott Ashjan?

3.) Latinos’ concerns:

October 16th . .

4.) Result:

Latinos made up 12 percent of Nevada voters, with 90 percent of them supporting Reid. Angle got only an 8 percent sliver of their support, according to a Latino Decisions poll.

90% to 8%?! Are you kidding?! You might have gotten 3-4% of WWII Jews to vote for Hitler.

Next: Meg Whitman vs. Jerry Brown, Governor of California.

1.) Early Meg Whitman campaign messaging:

Meg is ‘tough as nails’ on illegal immigration
May 14, 2010

SAN DIEGO –Meg Whitman says she’s got the guts and determination to stand tough on illegal immigration, and she won’t back down.

And she told a crowd of nearly 175 at a stop Thursday in San Diego, “I am 100 percent against amnesty, no exceptions.”

2.) September Polling:

SurveyUSA Poll: Whitman Leads Brown By 47%-40% In CA-GOV Race
Eric Kleefeld | September 3, 2010, 11:14AM

The new SurveyUSA poll of the California gubernatorial race gives Republican Meg Whitman an expanding lead over Democrat Jerry Brown . .

3.) Latinos’ concerns:

Former Whitman housekeeper alleges she was treated like ‘garbage’
September 29, 2010 | 12:10 pm

The California governor’s race took on a circus-like atmosphere Wednesday as a former housekeeper for Meg Whitman alleged the Republican gubernatorial nominee employed her for nearly nine years, even though Whitman knew the housekeeper was in the country illegally . . “I felt like she was throwing me away like a piece of garbage,” Diaz said.

. . Whitman continued: “As required by law, once we learned she was an illegal worker, I immediately terminated Nicky’s employment.”

4.) Result:

White hypocrisy + nasty boss = familiar insults. Latinos aren’t stupid.

ADD:

Did Polls Underestimate Democrats’ Latino Vote?
By NATE SILVER | November 3, 2010, 9:33 PM

. . “There is one overarching reason why the polls were wrong in Nevada,” Mr. Barreto wrote in an e-mail to FiveThirtyEight. “The Latino vote.”

His firm, which conducts interviews in both English and Spanish, had found that Latino voters — somewhat against the conventional wisdom — were relatively engaged by this election and for the most part were going to vote Democratic. Mr. Barreto also found that Latino voters who prefer to speak Spanish — about 40 percent of Latino voters in California meet this description, he told me — are particularly likely to vote Democratic. Pollsters who don’t conduct bilingual interviewing at all, or who make it cumbersome for the respondent to take the poll in Spanish, may be missing these voters . .

So, if you’re a blogger, and you wanted to double-check if some racist Republicans in Florida just wrote a law meant to precisely attack a very general group of people — non-Whites — by constructing an even more twisted version of Arizona’s anti-immigrant law, how would you go about doing that?

Well, you might go straight to the legendary, premiere White supremacy website on the planet, Stormfront.org, and you might ask: “On planet Earth, who are the White people?” And (just trust me) they will tell you: “That would be European Christendom and their obvious descendants.” [note: that is a hilariously long thread, what with everybody being an expert on the genetics and ancestry of every group of peoples ever in existence]

So then you’d probably say to yourself: “So, White folks would roughly be the Europeans, Americans, Canadians and, err, Australians?”

Florida’s Arizona-Style Immigration Bill Would Give Canadians, Europeans a Free Pass
By Tim Elfrink, Mon., Oct. 18 2010 | Miami New Times

​Florida state Rep. William Snyder, the slow-drawling ex-Miami-Dade Police officer who has drafted Tallahassee’s version of the hotly debated Arizona immigration bill, is adamant that his law would not lead to racial profiling.

“Race, ethnicity, and national origin cannot be used in making arrests. It’s immoral, illegal, and unconstitutional,” he said in a recent radio interview.

Well, then roll the bill in gator crap and call it all of that:

So why does his bill explicitly offer a free pass to Canadians and Western Europeans, who need only show a passport to be “presumed to be legally in the United States”? . .

Even if an officer has “reasonable suspicions” over a person’s immigration status, the bill says, a person will be “presumed to be legally in the United States” if he or she provides “a Canadian passport” or a passport from any “visa waiver country.”

Yes, why does this ‘tough’ bill allow all those White people off the hook? Is it because they’re . . White?

“What we’re doing there is trying to be sensitive to Canadians. We have an enormous amount of… Canadians wintering here in Florida,” he said. “That language is comfort language.”

I call bull. With respect to the 36 visa waiver countries, their citizens are normally allowed to stay up to 90 days in the U.S. But they are not allowed to hold jobs or to overstay the period.

Nonetheless, if a Florida law enforcement officer pulls over a heavily-accented Estonian Fed Ex truck driver and, in compliance with the law, asks him for his papers (c’mon, just play along), once the trucker pulls out a valid passport, he’s off the hook. Even though he’s employed by a trucking company and therefore residing illegally. Even though he may have been here for years. Florida’s law says ‘we don’t care.’

Convenient, huh? Clearly, the law was written to give cops every excuse never to bother with bothering White people in Florida, which is pretty much the only way anyone important would ever get pissed off enough to complain.

Btw, who are America’s visa waiver countries? Here:

. . with a couple of exceptions, it’s Europe. And, of course, Australia.

There must be some reason for this sort of behavior. You’ve got to be a helluva lot more than just a whack Tea Partier to be so insultingly, shamelessly full of shit. Especially considering that teenagers are your entire audience.

Angle, a tea party favorite who has rallied for stricter border enforcement, played down her usual conservative rhetoric in a brief discussion with a Hispanic high school group Friday in Las Vegas. The students asked her to explain her repeated use of TV spots denounced by national pro-immigrant and Hispanic organizations as race-baiting attacks.

They were students at Rancho High School. They had good reason to be concerned: she’s been hammering the ‘illegal alien’ issue to try to pull ahead of Harry Reid in her Senate campaign. These are the sorts of images she’s been flooding Nevada TV channels with:

So you can see why they’d wonder about her. There’s definitely a ‘scary brown people’ theme running through her messaging. I might feel like there were a lot of angry white people staring at me if I were one of these students. So, when she dropped by, they asked her:

Why is it that in all of your commercials you have the image of Latinos? What do you see when you hear, and I quote, “illegal aliens?”

Good question, fair enough. Sharron responded to it by lying to their faces:

I think that you’re misinterpreting those commercials. I’m not sure that those are Latinos in that commercial. What it is, is a fence and there are people coming across that fence. What we know is that our northern border is where the terrorists came through. That’s the most porous border that we have. We cannot allow terrorists; we cannot allow anyone to come across our border if we don’t know why they’re coming.

Those weren’t Latinos. That’s not the Mexican border.

Take a look at the ads’ images again, and then take a look at that answer. In the ‘fence’ video, you can see that it says ‘illegals’, clear as could be. And these are Latinos she’s talking to, telling them that they don’t know what Latinos look like, they must be mistaken. Perhaps she’s mentally ill.

ADD: WOW. Now I’m almost sure of it. Who behaves this way in dealing with a Hispanic Student Union? By accusing some of them of being secretly Asian, what does that prove? How does it help her campaign?

The ultra-Christian ultra-violent Mexican drug cartel La Familia Michoacana, having expanded beyond Michoacan, are warring for control of the neighboring southwestern Mexican states of Morelos and Guerrero.

In competing with Gulf, Zetas and Beltran Leyva cartels and with local authorities, they have employed their usual tactics: kidnappings, beheadings, and leaving messages behind for the public and police.

Diario de Morelos, September 5th (Google translation):

La Familia enter the Morelos war

The discovery of an alleged “narco message” signed by La Familia Michoacana, left with a corpse in the colony of Otilio Monta or in Cuautla, confirms that the criminal organization is fighting for control of drug trafficking in Morelos.

. . “from now on the rulers here are La Familia Michoacana” was part of the message that members of the cartel left behind.

. . Military, police, ministerial staff and forensics experts exam-ined a dead man strongly built with short hair, his hands tied behind his back, his face wrapped with duck tape, with a “narco message” left at his feet . .

Excelsior this weekend:

“La Familia Michoacana” increases criminal activity in Morelos

MORELOS, September 18 .- At least five people have been executed in the last 24 hours in Morelos, due to the war between drug cartels vying for control of the area. In addition, ‘La Barbie’ Cartel South Pacific has also entered the dispute with La Familia Michoacana.

These murders confirm the progress of the cartel into the center of the republic, and the group have begun to leave the bodies of their victims with “narco messages” to claim its territorial expansion into the states of Michoacán, Guerrero, State of Mexico and Morelos and others.

Around 11 pm on Friday, the bodies of two young people between 25 and 30 years old were found in the stretch of highway that leads from the Mexico-Cuernavaca Mariano Matamoros Airport . .

The bodies had bullet wounds, were gagged and tied hand and foot, and were left with a La Familia Michoacana “narco message” . . the bodies were also painted with the initials of the criminal cartel.

And yesterday, in Guerrero, the bodies of a number of abducted policemen were recovered. La Familia Michoacana would certainly be suspected in the multiple kidnappings and killings for obvious reasons. In June, they ambushed and killed 10 policemen in a military style attack in nearby Michoacan. In July of last year, after the arrest of a high-ranking cartel member, La Familia went to war with the police, killing at least 19 in only a few days. Lastly, at least two of the bodies were decapitated and their heads tossed into a public area, a trademark of the cartel:

6 abducted police found slain in Mexican state
(AP) – September 19, 2010

ACAPULCO, Mexico — The bodies of six kidnapped police officers, most of them dismembered, were found Sunday in a ravine in the Mexican state of Guerrero, bringing to eight the death toll from a mass abduction of policemen, officials said . .

Two other bodies were found on Saturday, accounting for all nine officers who disappeared Friday after going to identify a body in the community of El Revelado, located about 165 miles (265 kilometers) south of Mexico City . .

Previous La Familia murder and message

Mexico’s government says the Gulf Cartel and the Zetas gang are fighting for control of the region with La Familia Michoacana. The state was also a base for detained drug lord Sergio Valdez Villarreal – alias “La Barbie” – who was fighting for control of the Beltran Leyva cartel with Hector Beltran Leyva.

The bodies found Saturday corresponded to two heads thrown from a moving vehicle into a refreshment stand in the municipality of Coyuca de Catalan in Guerrero, according to a report by the state Public Safety and Civil Protection office.

The first two bodies were accompanied by a note that threatened a similar fate for anyone supporting Hector Beltran Leyva and suspected trafficker Reynaldo Pineda Chavez, saying “Guerrero and Morelos (states) have an owner and they know who it is . . “

Happy Friday. Yes, sshhh, I’m lazy. Let the silliness begin.

Okay. Number One: suave, thoroughly skull-ectable candidate:

Janny! You got my vote.

Number Two: Who’s sufficiently expert to volunteer testimony before the Senate Committee on Lipsticked Sloth Snacking?

Jan Brewer! Yay!

. . and whatever, who cares, it’s a peach Skele-Jan:

Marry me! Mexicans suck!

Laredo, Texas, wiped off the map by a Mexican drug cartel! Ranchers dragged out of their homes! Shot! Slugged! Slapped! Gutted and wrapped in foil! Grilled with salt and lemon!

Digger’s Realm
BREAKING: Multiple Ranches In Laredo, TX Taken Over By Los Zetas
By Digger / July 24, 2010 04:11 AM

The bloodbath continues along our southern border and now word is coming in that Los Zetas, the highly trained killers formerly with the Gulf Cartel, have crossed into the United States and taken over at least two ranches in the Laredo, Texas area. I am receiving word that the owners of the ranches have evacuated without being harmed. The source is law enforcement in the area.

(Update 2 story is now 100% confirmed by second source within the Laredo Police Department)

Founder of the San Diego Minutemen Jeff Schwilk tipped me off to this story and passes along the following information on the location. The ranches are said to be “near Mines Rd. and Minerales Annex Rd about 10 miles NW of I-35″.

I’m sure the Minutemen aren’t given to panic! Especially over incendiary stories about border violence! By all means, let’s listen to an honest man like Jeff!

There is currently a standoff between the unknown size Zeta forces and U.S. Border Patrol and local law enforcement on two ranches on our side of the Rio Grande. The source tells us he considers this an “act of war” and that the military is needed on the border now!

AAAAUUUGGHHH! I’M SCARED! AND PATRIOTIC!

Anonymous sources in law enforcement in the Laredo area tonight have passed on word that US law enforcement agencies are in the area and are weighing their options regarding the ranches.

THEY”RE SCARED TOO! YIKES! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

The media has been silent on this incident and some law enforcement in the area says that they are furious that the media is not reporting the whole story of the continued violence along the border. Their frustrations are understandable because keeping the truth suppressed continues to hamper law enforcement from receiving the true support they need along the border.

TRUTH COMING! HELP ON THE WAY! YOU PEOPLE ARE MORONS!

“Starting to smell like a hoax.”

*sniff* *sniff* I don’t smell anything.

As far as a hoax, that is a willfully done falsity. Why would I sacrifice my 8 year old website and any benefit I can provide the issue I have dedicated my life to on a fake story?

SEE ABOVE!

As for the mud slinging, sling away. I have put my name on the line, you have put an anonymous moniker on the line. As a reader I would put my faith in the veteran blogger of 8 years, with a proven track record, rather than some commenter who just showed up a few hours ago.

I stand by the story. You obviously have not read what a media blackout entails.

WHAT? IT’S A BLACK OUT! IT’S BLACKED OUT!

Here is another source claiming that authorities in Laredo will not confirm or deny.

VERY BLACK! GOOD REPORTING!

Hector Garcia , a city council member of the City of Laredo TX, has returned my phone call and aboslutely denied that any armed conflict has occured with the Laredo PD. He is quoting the Chief of Police, Carlos Maldonado. Mr Garcia went on to say that it appears two ranchers had a disagreement.

I STILL SAY SOMETHING”S WRONG!

Is this really happening? Probably not (despite the upsurge in violence just over the border), but what’s even scarier than the heavily armed Zetas is that stories like this have become difficult to confirm or refute.

WHY DIDN”T WE KNOW? IT’S SO FISHY! I AM SCARED AGAIN!

We know that the establishment media places supporting Obama far ahead of informing the public. But as for whether a blanket of silence has been thrown over a military incursion — in the short term, we can only guess.

UNLESS THEY BLACK OUT THE BLACK OUT! THEN WE’LL NEVER KNOW! EXCEPT FOR I JUST MENTIONED IT! HOLY CRAP, I JUST BEAT THE BLACK OUT! WELL TECHNICALLY IT’S THE ‘BLACK OUT’ BLACK OOT! WHOA LOOK AT THAT TYPO! STARTING TO FREAK HERE! I KNEW — wait, now it’s a ‘military incursion’?

In a totalitarian state, rumors supplant news. We’re not there yet, but we can see it from here.

WE MADE IT UP! THAT PROVES OBAMA’S A FASCIST! IMPEACHMENT!

. . On Wednesday, Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX) was on Lou Dobbs’ radio show and went a step further. He agreed with Dobbs’ statement that President Obama is “awfully close” to violating his “oath to protect the Constitution of the United States” by not completely securing the border [audio]:

DOBBS: The fact that we’ve witnessed both the Bush administration and now the Obama administration…refuse to secure the borders, refuse to enforce immigration law — at what point does this rise to the level of a breach of oath to protect the Constitution of the United States?

SMITH: I think we’re on the verge of being there right now. … Whatever law they’re not enforcing, I think it comes awfully close to a violation of their oath of office.

No? Well me neither. I’m scanning the History books but drawing a blank. He never secured the borders. In fact, no President has ever secured the borders in any way that would prove satisfactory to Conservatives — you know, those folks who demand a simply, routinely, patently Mexican-proof ‘secure border’ to repel The Brown People, of the type seen separating North and South Korea, or the Israelis and Palestinians.

Here’s a typical sign at the Canadian border:

. . but when did we impeach President Bush for his failure to protect our Northern border and our precious Constitution in this regard? After 9/11, no less?

More crossings feared along Canada border
Posted on Monday, November 12, 2007

BLAINE, Wash. — . . At most points, the only thing separating 0 (Zero) Avenue in Canada from the houses, fields, woods and narrow roads of the United States is a shallow, 3-foot ditch or a metal highway guardrail. Security cameras on tall poles swivel to track suspicious vehicles. Border Patrol cars barrel around corners to confront uncertain threats . .

But if the area immediately surrounding the inn and the border crossing at Blaine is one of the more secure along the U.S.-Canadian border, the other 4,000 or so miles are a security nightmare.

Given Canada’s open immigration policies, terrorist organizations have established cells there seeking “safe havens, operational bases and attempting to gain access to the USA,” according to a 1998 report from the Canadian Security Intelligence Service. The report said that more than 50 terrorist groups might be present, including Hezbollah, Hamas and other radical Islamic groups from Iran and Algeria.

A 2006 report from the Nixon Center, a Washington, D.C., policy institute, quoted a senior FBI official as saying that Canada is the most worrisome terrorist point of entry and that al Qaida training manuals advise terrorists to enter the United States from Canada. The report concluded that “despite widespread alarms raised over terrorist infiltration from Mexico, we found no terrorist presence in Mexico and a number of Canadian-based terrorists who have entered the United States.”

After Alaska became a state in 1959, we then had an Eastern border, too:

When was that secured? Ever? Why has every President failed to uphold the Oath of Office? Why has no one impeached every single one of them? Why won’t Republicans do the right thing when Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush piss on the Constitution this way? Why don’t they love the United States of America the way I do?