Category: palin ha-ha

Advice from a popular dumbass

Governor Klondike Parkaderp puts on her cramp-ons and clods her way through the pages of National Review, where the readership revel in her presence. The usual NR dog turd gets a staid dozen or so comments, but Palin’s Freedom-steamer has already amassed 600 700 800 comments. And my marshmallow martians, if ever there were a more volcanic pit of flaming gibberish, then I weep for our cosmic soul.

As Freedom Destroys Itself
Laws can’t protect a society that has lost its way.
By Sarah Palin | National Review

All of us were horrified by the murders at the Washington Navy Yard this week.

Horse puckey. You don’t give a damn and everybody knows it.

Once again, in the aftermath of a shooting, a new installment of the debate about gun laws has broken out. But what we really need is a new discussion about what kind of people we are and what kind of country we want to be.

Obviously you don’t think you’re the problem. You’re trying to make this about us, the gun control advocates who are also, I’m guessing, prone to watch movies or play video games and thereby hatch a mental illness. It’s all that’s left of bullet-ridden America after you exempt conservatism from the controversy.

It’s no secret which side I’m on in any debate involving the Second Amendment…

Remember that epic argument? Over whether to abolish that particular part of the Constitution? And how Sarah weighed in on the ‘pro’ side, and then rallied the cause, and won the day? It’s the only reason why the Second Amendment still exists. That turned out to be a pretty big feather in her cap…

. . (or the whole Constitution, for that matter).

Oh YEAH. She was also for the entire Constitution as well. Golly she sure knows how to pick ’em.

Okay here’s ostensibly the central point of this gutless burp:

A decent and moral society is guided by voluntary self-restraint.

You don’t say! There’s something that never occurred to me. Much as we’d all like to shoot down or rape everyone at our jobs, we really should learn to employ a dollop of restraint. But not the non-self type of restraint, where your girlfriend beats you back with a whip. And not the involuntary kind of self-restraint, where you enter the daycare center with an AK-47 but then suffer a poorly-timed epileptic seizure. Please use instead the kind of restraint where, you know, just whatever don’t. Thanks, dumbass.


Joan of White Trash

During a dynamic and lively speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) on Saturday, Sarah Palin poked fun at New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s campaign to reduce obesity by limiting the availability of large sugary drinks.

Halfway through her speech, while describing exchanging guns with her husband Todd for Christmas, the former Alaska governor pulled out a Big Gulp from behind the podium, smirked, took several sips, and remarked, “Oh Bloomberg is not around, our Big Gulp is safe! We’re cool. Shoot, it’s just pop!”


Sarah “Pallin’ Around With Terrorists” and the Politics of Personal Destruction

The GOP got real pissed about Newt crowding their presidential turf, so they figured they’d teach him a lesson. They’d rough him up a little bit. Send him a message. They sent their tommy-gun wielding trenchcoats to lumber around the political country looking for him.

Yesterday, Bob “Dick Pills” Dole, Elliot “Two Ells” Abrams, Ann “Goiter Gabooya” Coulter and Tom “You Do Not Have The Warden’s Permission To Date My Bunghole” Delay cornered the candidate and grabbed him by the hair. Dragged him to the internet. Tossed him around a bit.

GOP: We’re only kidding with you. We’re having a party. Hey, we just came home, and we haven’t seen you in a long time, eh? We’re breaking your balls. And you, you’re getting fucking fresh. Well, gee, we are so sorry. We didn’t mean to offend you . .

Newt: Fundamentally . .

GOP: Yeh, hmm. Right. Salud . .

Newt: Frankly . .

GOP: Now go home and get your fucking shinebox.

Well, this made Klondike Parkaboobs cry. And if she cries, you can expect a Facebooking:

Cannibals in GOP Establishment Employ Tactics of the Left
by Sarah Palin on Friday, January 27, 2012 at 2:57pm

We have witnessed something very disturbing this week. The Republican establishment which fought Ronald Reagan in the 1970s and which continues to fight the grassroots Tea Party movement today has adopted the tactics of the left in using the media and the politics of personal destruction to attack an opponent.

The politics of personal destruction, you say?

But this whole thing isn’t really about Newt Gingrich vs. Mitt Romney. It is about the GOP establishment vs. the Tea Party grassroots and independent Americans who are sick of the politics of personal destruction used now by both parties’ operatives . .

Oh dear. It’s sickening, isn’t it?

The way other folks behave?

Denigrating people.

Mocking people.

Debasing their good reputations.

Spreading the sorts . .

. . of rumors . .

. . and lies . .

. . that amount . .

. . to nothing . .

. . less than . .

. . an attempt . .

. . to annhilate . .

. . their fellow American?

It’s remarkable how the Tea Party remains above that.

(. . h/t ronaldjacksonX)


This was the end of Sarah Palin’s career

Speaking of presidential politics, we can say ‘Goodbye’ to Sarah Palin. ‘Farewell’ to Michele Bachmann, too.

Devout, vivacious bomb-throwers are losers. They take to the national stage with serenading and applause, then they drive voters from the polls. It’s as if they ticked like actual bombshells.

Bachmann, for instance, entered this presidential race earlier than almost anyone, in June. She focused solely upon evangelical-rich Iowa, where she was born, and campaigned as sincerely and faithfully as anyone. But she came up with a measly 5% of the caucus. Michele called it quits this morning, one and done.

Who figured it to end so soon?

Not the Palin fans. Sarah’s national numbers may have been shrinking for a while, but that’s not real, they said. You guys, the liberal media, hung negative perceptions on her. She’s actually the real deal, a huge threat. You’ve been bad to her because, admit it, you’re scared of tundra fire:

That’s why Katie Couric doused her with water. Yes, well, whoever’s fault it was, Sarah’s numbers weren’t gotchas. They were fixtures, so she couldn’t and didn’t run. But being the innovator, the barrier-breaker, it took a certain toll, maybe? Yes, maybe. Perhaps it was too rough a road for the original to go the distance. Maybe the next one . . ?

So in her high-profile wake came Michele Bachmann. And the excitement for smokin’ evangelicalism bounced back.

Michele Bachmann surprised just about everybody when she emerged last week as the breakout star of the Republican presidential field after her widely praised debut at the G.O.P. debate . .

Just weeks ago, Ms. Bachmann was dismissed by many political analysts in both parties as a shrill conservative outlier with telegenic looks but goofy right-wing politics. She was caricatured on cable news talk shows as a warmed-over version of Sarah Palin. Now Ms. Bachmann ranks second (19 percent) to the front-runner, Mitt Romney (33 percent), in a post-debate Rasmussen national poll.

This wasn’t a Palin personality thing now, pundits said, this was a robust trend. A real political happening. Sassy, shapely Christian women, Maxim believers, are the future of Republican politics. Watch the race and see. No one will generate more political heat than them.

And for six long months, through the opening of primary season, talking to Americans tailor-made for her, nobody tried harder than Michele Bachmann. Nobody had more potential to win in Iowa. And nobody garnered more press attention than she did. But almost nobody did worse. Accounting for the Palin-like media obsession, really, nobody did worse.

So, then. What’s the lesson of all this? It’s this: Once the heat dissipates, nobody grows colder than a Palin. They’re more dead 6 months later than they were ever alive.

It’s a sad truth and an unfriendly cycle. And I blame Republicans for the way they’re attracted to women. For them, it’s okay if they’re smart. It’s better if they’re spunky. And it’s best if they’re gorgeous. That happens to be the order of how likely a particular personality will embrace a throwback philosophy. Beauty blends easily with conservatism; independent thinking does not.

This is why the Palin product of a constricted gender culture plays badly in presidential politics. Where a person appears daily before the voters, her looks eventually become familiar. The sex becomes routine. The ability to excite people you already know depends upon something else: how you speak to them. You have to talk to them in meaningful ways. And that takes intelligence. Presidential politics is driven this way.

Unfortunately it’s been a lack of brains, paired with managed defiance and magazine good looks, the Republicans have responded to. As if for years they’d waited for a Sarah Palin, just to say of the candidate “Now this is a woman!” But she’s a loser.


Amy Siskind, the Bill Donohue of gender politics

From Clinton to Palin to Bachmann: Why some Dems now support GOP women
Martina Stewart | CNN | July 18 2011

. . “Nobody in the GOP establishment is going to hand anything to Bachmann or (Sarah) Palin — just like (Democrats) did not for Hillary (Clinton),” said Amy Siskind, who supported Hillary Clinton’s 2008 presidential bid. “And it takes a certain type of leader to go out there and have the courage and the guts to say ‘I’m running (for president)’ and I admire Bachmann for that.”

Michele Bachmann? The homphobic, histrionic husband-servant. This is who Amy Siskind respects and admires?

After Clinton’s failed Oval Office bid, Siskind and a small group of women who had supported Clinton decided the best way to break the glass ceiling in presidential politics was to put ideology and partisanship aside and support any woman seeking a top political office — including Bachmann and Palin, two darlings of the tea party movement known for their conservative views on economic and social issues.

Well, I’m Irish, so I suppose I should support my people by applauding Bill O’Reilly. Or the IRA. Erin go barf.

Is Amy Siskind this goddamned oblivious? Apparently, yes. A frustrated ’08 Clinton supporter turned PUMA turned Palinista, today’s Siskind is only nominally a Democrat and robustly annoying.

Look up a few entries on Google, and this you’ll see: If ever there were a fan girl of head-smacking gender politics, it’s her. Amy is Bill Donohue of the Simple Woman’s League. She’s blessed with a bullheadedness that liberates her from considering the rest of reality.

Bachmann’s despising the great majority of America’s citizens shouldn’t be meaningless, but it is. Palin’s eternal nastiness and demonstrated incompetence — just look at her VP campaign, or the current one for president she can’t get off the ground — are hardly trivial, but then they are. Heck, it’s somebody else’s fault anyway.

So excelsior for Siskind’s women. In her world, they are all marvels and wonders. They’re so authentic, she’s decided they stand for you no matter how thoroughly you despise them. We similarly recall that Bill Donohue’s put-upon Catholics — real Catholics — embody vibrant Christianity and do no wrong. Some people straddle both victimhood and guilelessness in a manner approaching immortality. So, we hail Amy Donohue. And we salivate at the schizoid prospects for reality.

How everybody loves a face palming. Remember when Bill sought to remind all those secular hyenas that they were conveniently including thirteen year-olds in their allegations (*cough*) of CHILD molestation? Those are teenagers, you morons.

Can you imagine how Amy reacted upon hearing Sarah Palin had ditched her gubernatorial gig?

A Dark Moment for Our Country
By Amy Siskind on July 6, 2009

For not once, but twice in the last two years, my daughter has seen a hero fall . .

I watched today as many of you did and saw a woman who had just had enough. Not only the onslaught of sexism and vitriol aimed at her, but also at her family . .

How did we let it come to this folks? This is our country – a country we are proud to live in. How did we allow such a high level of acceptable sexism to exist and flourish? What about our daughters?

What about the human race? How did we allow ourselves to force Sarah to quit? Back there in Alaska, she was buffeted by sexism and vitriol. Free to roam the country now, bouncing from reality shows, Fox News, headline gigs, magazine covers, Facebook, Twitter and television interviews across the nation to an endless number of adjunct campaign appearances, she’s safely invisible now. She’s also the current subject of a movie, “The Undefeated,” documenting the distraught victim drowning in cash and worship.

Surely, the Amy-Bills do love victimhood, and aren’t they lucky? It’s everywhere! Bill’s so sick with it, inanimate objects get the best of him. He once took the Empire State Building to task for not paying tribute to Mother Teresa on her birthday.

6 months into Hillary Clinton’s service, Amy caught wind of a conspiracy the Big Boys had hatched for the Secretary of State:

If a woman gets too much power, she becomes a threat and she must either be silenced, discredited or simply disappear . .

Hillary got the memo. She wisely decided to give a high-profile speech to reassert herself. So as Hillary’s fans sat glued to their television sets eagerly awaiting her words, they were in for a surprise. Hillary wasn’t on. President Obama’s staff had scheduled an event in the Rose Garden, at, you guessed it, the same time. After all the build up for Hillary’s breakout party, well, you can catch the speech on YouTube.

Take that, Madame. But then, maybe Barack just hates all the women in his cabinet?

There’s a sign going up at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. It reads: “Boy’s Club: Girls Not Allowed” . .

The CNN piece was about the latest example of access and the boys club: Obama’s White House basketball game for Cabinet secretaries and members of Congress. Not a single woman was invited to the game. No matter that both Secretary Sebelius and U.N. Ambassador Rice were not only in town but both are hoops players.

Did George W. Bush take his cabinet members weightlifting with him in the morning? Basketball’s a dirty, junkyard game. I played for 10 years, and I got 3 or 4 broken ankles and broken ribs. Obama took an elbow to his jaw, got a few stitches. Players are forever getting into fistfights. But, a weightlifter, she can be regal: hold her head high, stare into space. Count to 10 in her mind, nod at the president once in a while — hello, yes, hey there. Talk to him. Obviously, these are serious issues.

Also serious, especially for rigid whackos: hypocrisy. Because if you can’t get straight with your one single issue, what have you got? You’ve got comedy. Like when Bill rants on and on about the bigots who’d bash someone’s religion:

One of the hallmarks of bigotry is the collectivization of guilt. By that measure, much of the criticism against the pope has been nothing if not Catholic bashing.

And then says . .

The Catholic community and the Islamists have much in common, so says the New York Times . . So Sister Mary Alice who leans left while working with the poor, and Father Murphy who works with pro-lifers, have much in common with Muslims who differ with each other on whether to kill Jews now or wait until they’re elected.

That’s funny. This too:

PETITION: MSNBC Pres Griffin – immediately institute Corporate Governance on Sexism or Resign!
by Amy Siskind |May 26, 2011

On Tuesday, MSNBC host Ed Schultz referred to radio show host Laura Ingram as a “slut.” In fact, the word flowed so effortlessly off his tongue, he referred to her as “slut” twice in two sentences! . .

But, Schultz’s short work leave is hardly fodder for revelry. Schultz is but an annoying gnat in the misogynistic cesspool that is MSNBC . .

Because the exact same Amy Siskind once took a look at this Miley Cyrus photo . .

. . and contrasted the previously cuddly Cyrus with this gender-friendly take:

Barely recognizable to the “slutty and ready” version of Miley in this months ELLE.

See? Comedy. Though the funny may depend upon which end of the ‘slutty’ you’re on. Or, in Bill’s case, which end of the fist. Once you poke any fun at the slobberer, he hurls threats at you:

. . guys like Maher want a brawl. He should be careful what he wishes for because there are those who pine to deliver.

At Bill Maher, again:

I’m a lot older than he is, but let me tell you something, I’d floor him.

At Christopher Hitchens, while they were debating on MSNBC:

Listen, you want to take it outside, Christopher, that’s fine.

Switch, and background. Amy started her own humble blog, “The New Agenda.” And when you read her website, you learn it’s the home for a Siskind Movement:

The New Agenda is a 501(c)(4) organization dedicated to improving the lives of women and girls by bringing about systemic change in the media, at the workplace, at school and at home.

The New Agenda seeks to achieve safety and opportunity for all women by addressing issues which unite us and by advancing women into leadership roles.

If only Amy’s touchy-feelies weren’t kindling for warming a website. After having been ridiculed by the charming she-devil, Mrs. Polly (of Snarkopolitan and Rumproast), she simply couldn’t resist the first opportunity for vengeance:

This gang of thugs, whom you rightly point out are closely associated with one another, have been harassing us and writing defamatory statements for the better part of a year.

Let’s bring them to justice!

They have left comments (e.g. their data) on our website and on the other websites for which I publish.

Let us know how we can help!

Find Mrs. Polly! Take her outside!


Silly Sarah still stupid

Sarah Palin’s clusterbus tour continues. As does everything else Palin: the meaningless chaos, the adoring clueless, the media recording her every mewl and skree. The history lessons on in-your-face Americans:

. . he who warned, uh, the, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringin’ those bells and, and, uh, making sure as he’s riding his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, that, uh, we were gonna be secure and we were gonna be free. And we were gonna be armed . .

So, Paul Revere warned the British (traitor). By shooting up their town with his Glock, loaded with hollow-point bells.

Palin’s heroes are drunken trash on payday. Minutes later, a shirtless, incoherent Revere was beaten into a paddy wagon . .


Sarah Palin kicks off campaign for prez with Thunder Fail

Haley Barbour balked. Mike Huckabee bailed. Chris Christie is minding his business. Mitch Daniels deferred.

Seems like heavyweight Republicans are ducking the fight with Barack Obama in 2012. But that’s not entirely true. Some right-wingers do want to run against our likable incumbent. Michele Bachmann, for example, wants to run. Herman Cain, whoever that is, is running. Rick Santorum’s hat is in the ring (and it polls what — 2%?). Ron Paul is running because he runs against the wind. That’s what philosophers do.

But then there’s you-know-who. My Jeebus, has anyone wanted anything more desperately than Sarah Palin wants the presidency? Is there no object in the universe more capable of forcing jealousy upon her enemies? Delicious, like Baked Alaska.

God love your own sugar. But it looked, for a little while, like St. Wingnut had flat forgotten her. Months of this nasty woman screeching about other politicians left Americans puzzled. With everyone else’s failures apparent all around us, we wonder: what have you ever done? And who are you? Why are you on my television?

An undercurrent of distrust towards Fox’s bitchy Barbie spread like oil on glass. While Americans dug in to work harder, to get paid less, only to barely survive from week to week, they weren’t in the mood to indulge Miss Wasilla’s nitpicking obsession with Mister America.

And when Representative Gabrielle Giffords got shot through the head, shocked Americans couldn’t help but notice that personally gun-obsessed Sarah had targeted Giffords publicly with a bullseye. It was unfortunate, to be polite. Sarah’s reaction to the predictable attention, though, was offensive when it should have been conciliatory.

“Especially within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn . . “

Look what they did to Sarah’s blood. While neurosurgeons worked to cut through Giffords’ scalp, drilling out a chunk of cranium to allow her injured brain to swell, Sarah reminded us who better to feel sorry for. And that’s when America had got enough. That’s when folks figured out Palin was just another thick-skinned media monster.

But the world is strange. Old things change, and then new things change. She’d done no better than fifth in recent polls, culling a paltry 8% of likely voters for president. Her seemingly unstoppable slide had almost everyone (me too) calling her career over. But then House Republicans tried to kill Medicare, the Navy SEALs killed bin Laden, and a list of big Republicans ran from the 2012 fight. It hit right-wingers hard: we have nobody to beat the Kenyan. (A pro healthcare Mormon? No thanks.)

So Sarah Palin’s back, polling second behind the odious Massachusetts Mandate. She wants you to know she was never gone (you best deny the possibility). Which leaves us to destiny and the re-birth of the Palin political machine. Please witness the roll-out of her razor-sharp presidential campaign. Don’t you think she’s amazing? Won’t we have a ball at Rolling Thunder?

Rolling Thunder: Sarah Palin not invited
By Andrea Mitchell and Lauren Stephenson, NBC News

WASHINGTON — One day after Sarah Palin announced her bus tour, a group sponsoring a Memorial Day weekend event she plans to attend said they never invited her . .

“She’s not invited to speak. We’re not endorsing her … (but) we can’t stop her from coming to ride, if she wants to ride,” [Ted] Shpak continued.

Aw, c’mon.

When asked if Palin’s bus will be participating in the event, Shpak of Rolling Thunder Inc. responded, “Absolutely not.”

Shpak says Palin’s attendance “is a big distraction” and that his “phone has been ringing off the hook” ever since she announced her intention to attend the event.

“We’re not political. This is not a political event … Maybe she’s coming because she knows we have a half a million people in town and thinking she can start her [campaign]?” stated Shpak.

There it is, plain as day: the current trouble with America. You won’t give the Sarah Palin what she wants.


Why I voted for Sarah Palin today

Once again, it’s Sarah Palin. Who is this person? Why does she act this way? Because she wants to lead this nation? Really? Don’t we give that job to smart people? Sarah’s hubris and The ‘Tale of Two Americas’ continue. It’s their “Isn’t she terrific?” vs. our “Keep dancing, you little monkeys!”

Michael Bresciani says Sarah Palin should be President of the United States, hooray! Okay. Let’s glean how the victory happened. Let’s find out why morons can run the tables on the American electorate. Let’s trace back the roots of our second Civil War:

7 reasons America needs Sarah Palin in 2012
By Michael Bresciani | Renew America | January 29, 2011

With this in mind we can start a general perusal of why Sarah Palin is the best possible candidate to become President of these United States in 2012.

1. The simplest howbeit most important reason Sarah Palin is the best choice for President in 2012 is because she is not Barack Obama.

So there’s only one person who isn’t “the best choice for President in 2012”? I wish I could be this funny.

3. Although it could easily be misconstrued on the most fundamental level Sarah will make a good candidate on her appearance. She is a lovely person that for many typifies the classic beauty of the American Woman. In a world where appearance counts for much she has it all. She is beautiful, well poised and dignified at all times.

Here she is, Lady Classic. Poised and dignified:

And spunky! She’s the entire package, if it’s a package full of cheap Barbie knock-offs that skree like crows. Don’t throw it in the trash, it’ll drive the rats back under your house.

5. Sarah Palin is well endowed with what we know as character and integrity. It is that stuff that Americans used to be satisfied with in our leaders even if they weren’t the sharpest tool in the shed. The most beloved President in our history, Abraham Lincoln had almost no education at all but no one has yet come near to the amazing Presidency, life and legacy he left to posterity.

Dance, Michael! C’mon, was Abe really all that smart? This is fun. Dumb Abraham Lincoln vs. Smart Sarah Barracuda, this will be an even match. If, by ‘even,’ you mean *SPLA-GROOOH*, or whatever noise a tank makes when it rolls over a soggy raisin.

Stupid Great Emancipator:

Brilliant With Bodacious Ta’s:

Only one whole sentence from Sarah? Is that fair? Yes, also.

We have heard the pompous declare that Sarah may not be intelligent enough to hold up the Presidency to a high standard. The best answer to that is Barack Obama. Here we have a superbly educated man that has led the nation to the brink of bankruptcy, the highest jobless rate and earned the title of being the head of the most corrupt administration in U.S. History. So much for intelligence!

Yay stupid people! That Barack guy’s pretty smart, but now’s the ever “highest jobless rate,” and he got titled in American History! The subject! Whaddya mean The Plague wasn’t his fault? Sa-RAH! OW! Sa-RAH! Sa-RAH!

Anyone with a nickels worth of intelligence knows that our Presidents don’t run the office alone. The cabinet and staff are a major part of any single President’s success. Palin can be trusted to surround herself with the very best and that is the best we can hope for. In case you’re one of the few who have not read Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” let me reiterate one of the most important examples in that great book.

Yes, dancing! Dance away!

When Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company was dragged before the courts to relieve him of his position as CEO over one of the nation’s biggest corporations it was his lack of education or intelligence that was the primary charge leveled against him. When Ford was asked dozens of questions in common math problems, science, history and literature he could answer almost none of them. Then he asked the question to the court of why he should have to know those things when he had a desk full of buttons that could summon experts in every field; the case was instantly thrown out of court.

I can’t believe I’m about to google this. I guess I’ll type “that time that Henry Ford had to go to court and prove he wasn’t dumb as a slug of spider eggs” . . *clackety* Says here Ford suffered a series of strokes in the late 30’s that rendered him senile. So, no, the pioneer of modern factory mechanization wasn’t as dumb as Palin. But someone is. Gootchey goo!

I along with millions of American would be willing to bet our last dollar that Sarah Palin will be surrounded with the cream of the crop, the best of the best and when she needs to grasp a situation, will be advised by the tops in any field of polity and policy; that’s intelligence.

She probably has smart friends! If she lapses into a coma, we could take over the world! That’s it, I’m done.