Right Wing News blog took it upon themselves last week to poll 100 bloggers from over 40 Conservative sites about American History. ‘Who were the worst Americans of all time?’ they asked. Considering all the warmongers, murderers and rapists we’ve spawned, it might have been a difficult list to compose.

But it rarely pays to overestimate the depth of right-wingers: they made it look easy. The top three slots ended up being American presidents. Democrats, of course.

Above your Benedict Arnolds, Lee Harvey Oswalds and Alger Hisses, the wingnuts put FDR, Barack Obama and — number one — Jimmy Carter as the worst Americans who ever blighted planet Earth.

This did not go well with a lot of folks. Stupefying density rarely does. I mocked the sad little list here. Then I made a mental note to write a few words on the obvious criminals the fools omitted, and then spent all weekend on a lengthy (now annoying) piece I’m putting together on an especially curious right-wing hero (maybe later, if I don’t just chuck it and get on with my life).

So I went back to the original list for this post, but — oops — the post had been deleted. I can’t imagine how pissed off all the college-educated Republicans who jumped onto the lengthy thread must feel. From the definitive pronouncements of web maestros on history’s national disgraces to a vacant webpage. In a matter of a couple days. How sad.

Well, thanks to Google’s cache-ing, this Gem of Historical Analysis, it is not lost. It’s there above, right. You will notice how Conserva-storians, between Richard Nixon and John Wilkes Booth, crammed Jane Fonda, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. Will anybody remember Pelosi’s name even 10 years from now? Why, yes they will, because she is so very evil. I can’t find Harry Reid’s name in my “Lions of State” rolodex, right now, this moment, as I keep looking back at the list to remind myself, but Senator Kittyclaws has raked a charcoal trough across America. Jane Fonda chokes America’s neck with a surprisingly sturdy and stylish scarf as we speak.

Which brings us to this: How could 100 Americans of any stripe not consider these people?

–Lee Harvey Oswald
–James Earl Ray
–John Hinckley (!)
–Charles Guiteau
–Leon Czolgosz
–Aaron Burr
–Spies like Jonathan Pollard and Robert Hanssen.
–Criminals and gangsters like Jesse James, Al Capone, and Lucky Luciano.
–Serial killers like Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy.
–Serial child molesters like Father John Geoghan and Dean Schwartzmiller.
–Sociopaths like Ted Kaczynski, John Muhammad and Lee Malvo.
–Spree shooters like James Huberty, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris.

That’s a robust list of evil people. How did the wingnuts miss all that? Heaven knows.

However, there are two more people that I would nominate. Why these guys didn’t end up on the original, I think, is a little more obvious: these guys are their kinda guys. These two men are still heroes to plenty of the American right wing:

–Joseph McCarthy. A demagogue and political hack first, last and always. Lied about his World War II record to look good to voters. Said he’d flown dozens of missions though he’d flown 12, said he got wounded in battle when it was just a hazing incident, personally forged a ‘letter of commendation’ from Admiral Nimitz. Exploited Cold War hysteria by claiming he had a list of 200 (or 50 or 80) commies in the State Department. Never managed to prove a single one was, in fact, a Soviet plant. Created an atmosphere corrosive and paranoid, and it broke out of the Capitol and ran across the nation. Encouraged Americans to suspect their neighbors and co-workers, changing American life for the worse. Forced innocent people to testify in public hearings seen by millions, upended or ruined scores of careers. Accused anyone who opposed him or his methods, including Edward R. Murrow, of also being Communist. After 4 years of madness, the nation returned to its senses and came to despise the Wisconsin senator. He drank himself to death in less than another 4 years. Right-wingers like to claim he was right about the commies — several reports out of the former USSR showed there may have been 10 or more of his ‘names’ that were colluding with the Soviets. What they fail to realize is that McCarthy almost single-handedly destroyed America’s ability to figure that out. Unchecked rage and paranoia destroy perception and rational thought. ‘McCarthyism’ is still a poisonous pejorative to this day.

–Nathan Bedford Forrest. An unqualified military genius of the Civil War, revolutionizing cavalry tactics and strategy. Brave to the point of crazy. May have been built for war: when only twenty, killed two men and knifed two more in an act of blood revenge. Became a millionaire before the age of forty relying on two things: cotton farming, which the slaves did, and the buying and selling of commodities — his slaves. Joined the Confederacy, killed 30 men during the War. Refused to accept the surrender of dozens of mostly black Union soldiers at Fort Pillow, resulting in a massacre. While even letters from his soldiers bore the massacre’s fact out, he refused to acknowledge it, to his death. After the War, became the first Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, legitimizing America’s greatest and longest-lived terrorist organization. Stripped of his slaves, unable to continue his previous businesses, he ran a railroad and bankrupted it. Ran a prison. Became a great hero to the South after his death, spawning Forrest City, Arkansas, Forrest County, Mississippi, Nathan Bedford Forrest State Park in Tennessee, and the state’s naming July 13 “Nathan Bedford Forrest Day.” A bust of Nathan sits in the Tennessee State Capitol to this day. He’s an emblem of the sweet and sour nature of the memories of the Civil War and the South’s still wounded pride: a great warrior, but a horribly flawed American. Tennessee chooses to embrace Nathan as a “Defender of the South.” He defended a helluva lot more than that.

If you aren’t familiar with the inner workings of cuckoo clocks, well, here’s your chance. No need for the coke bottle specs, these boing-ed springs and toothless gears merely lie around, here on the internetz.

Here’s the question: who are or were the worst Americans? Like Hitler, for Germany. The USSR’s Stalin. Rome’s Caligula, Romania’s Vlad the Impaler. Nancy’s Spike, Tommy’s wicked Uncle Ernie: yuck.

Who are our worst citizens? Well, wouldn’t we like to know? Especially when the undisputed Top Guns of American History — CONSERVATIVE BLOGGERS — are the judges? Hell, yeah, I’d like to know because I could always use a good laugh.

Right Wing News did the polling:

Conservative Bloggers Select The 25 Worst Figures In American History
August 13, 2010

Out of all the gangsters, serial killers, mass murderers, incompetent & crooked politicians, spies, traitors, and ultra left-wing kooks in all of American history — have you ever wondered who the worst of the worst was? Well, we here at RWN wondered about that, too, and that’s why we decided to email more than a hundred bloggers to get their opinions.

Did and done.

Okay, ready for some highlights? Here we go:

–Number 23: Hillary Clinton. Former First Lady and Senator from New York. Current U.S. Secretary of State. What damage has she done to the United States? Not sure. The White House and the state of New York seem to have recovered. Maybe she’s doing something awful right now? Maybe we should scan the news.

–Number 19: Michael Moore. Moviemaker. He makes movies. Popular movies.

–Number 13 (tie): Richard Nixon. Illegally bombed Cambodia (ushering in the Khmer Rouge), refused to end Johnson’s deadly war (until later), carried out Kissinger’s literally mega-murderous Central and South American foreign policies, broke into the Democratic national headquarters to steal an election, broke into the office of the psychologist of a political enemy to destroy him, conspired to cover up multiple crimes, fired the special prosecutor looking into the allegations, generally subverted the government for political gain. Lied to the American people without end or shame. Destroyed Americans’ faith in government. Resigned in disgrace.

–Number 13 (tie): Nancy Pelosi. First female Speaker of the House, serving 3 years and 7 months. Sought to pass Democratic legislation. Seeks to pass Democratic legislation.

–Number 11: John Wilkes Booth. Giant Wingnut. Assassinated probably the greatest American in history, the Great Emancipator, the man who saved the union, Abraham Lincoln. Threw American politics into disarray, leading to the impeachment of Andrew Johnson and the disastrous, thoroughly corrupted Presidency of U.S. Grant.

–Number 9: Timothy McVeigh. Not just America’s Worst Terrorist, one of the world’s worst terrorists. 168 dead, including 19 children.

–Number 7: Lyndon Johnson. Vietnam. And Vietnam and Vietnam. Used an imaginary skirmish, the Gulf of Tonkin incident, to start a war. 57,000 Americans dead, maybe as many as 2,000,000 Vietnamese in addition. Aaaaaannnnnd . . . cut! The Civil Rights Act of 1964? The Voting Rights Act of 1965? The WAR ON POVERTY!?!? AAAUUGGHH!

–Number 4: Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. American Commies. Spies. Well, Julius was. Passed on nuclear secrets to the Soviets. Probably. Both executed.

–Number 2: Barack Obama. U.S. President from January of last year to the present, 19 months. Umm . . healthcare reform? Nobel Peace Prize? The War in — oh, he didn’t start that. The War in — nope, not that one either. The Great Recession? Nopey nope. Yes, he’s got to be the second worst American in over two centuries. Still, he’s no . .

–Number 1: Jimmy Carter. Another of the Nobel committee’s devils. Evil incarnate. The Simpsons encapsulated the neon nightmare of pestilence and plague that Carter wrought upon the nation with these two words: Malaise Forever. His most disastrous policy would be . . ? I’m drawing a blank on Carter policies. Any of his policies. The whackos executed Ethel Rosenberg, just think of what they’d like to do to Jimmy. Better sneak up on him, Lucifer Himself is often swinging a hammer putting up houses for the poor.

Well, there you have it. And Good Golly.

But they seem to have skipped over quite a few thoroughly detestable Americans. Many of the Conservative ilk, perhaps? Don’t ya think? I do. More later.

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ADD: Readers of Right Wing News throw in their own two cents:

Bhruic 3 hours ago

John Wilkes Booth as one of the worst Americans? His only mistake was that he was 4 years late.
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Gbvic 2 hours ago in reply to Bhruic

ahmen brother.
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Bildo 3 hours ago in reply to Bhruic

Liberal troll?
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Bhruic 2 hours ago in reply to Bildo

Classical liberal? Sure. Troll? Not so much.
Abe was less faithful to the constitution than any other president in American history. He is responsible for the deaths of a few hundred thousand human beings because he wanted to collect tariffs from southern ports, not to free the slaves. Lincoln was a tyrant that has been deified by revisionist historians.

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Rep. Lamar Smith Hints At Impeaching Obama Over Immigration: He’s ‘Close’ To Violating His Oath Of Office . .

. . On Wednesday, Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX) was on Lou Dobbs’ radio show and went a step further. He agreed with Dobbs’ statement that President Obama is “awfully close” to violating his “oath to protect the Constitution of the United States” by not completely securing the border [audio]:

DOBBS: The fact that we’ve witnessed both the Bush administration and now the Obama administration…refuse to secure the borders, refuse to enforce immigration law — at what point does this rise to the level of a breach of oath to protect the Constitution of the United States?

SMITH: I think we’re on the verge of being there right now. … Whatever law they’re not enforcing, I think it comes awfully close to a violation of their oath of office.

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George Washington became our first President in April of 1789. And just how long did it take for him to secure the borders? You remember hearing about that in class, right, in junior high school — our first President immediately locking down the border we had with Canada? (. . the only foreign border that survived to our present day?)

No? Well me neither. I’m scanning the History books but drawing a blank. He never secured the borders. In fact, no President has ever secured the borders in any way that would prove satisfactory to Conservatives — you know, those folks who demand a simply, routinely, patently Mexican-proof ‘secure border’ to repel The Brown People, of the type seen separating North and South Korea, or the Israelis and Palestinians.

Here’s a typical sign at the Canadian border:

. . but when did we impeach President Bush for his failure to protect our Northern border and our precious Constitution in this regard? After 9/11, no less?

More crossings feared along Canada border
Posted on Monday, November 12, 2007

BLAINE, Wash. — . . At most points, the only thing separating 0 (Zero) Avenue in Canada from the houses, fields, woods and narrow roads of the United States is a shallow, 3-foot ditch or a metal highway guardrail. Security cameras on tall poles swivel to track suspicious vehicles. Border Patrol cars barrel around corners to confront uncertain threats . .

But if the area immediately surrounding the inn and the border crossing at Blaine is one of the more secure along the U.S.-Canadian border, the other 4,000 or so miles are a security nightmare.

Given Canada’s open immigration policies, terrorist organizations have established cells there seeking “safe havens, operational bases and attempting to gain access to the USA,” according to a 1998 report from the Canadian Security Intelligence Service. The report said that more than 50 terrorist groups might be present, including Hezbollah, Hamas and other radical Islamic groups from Iran and Algeria.

A 2006 report from the Nixon Center, a Washington, D.C., policy institute, quoted a senior FBI official as saying that Canada is the most worrisome terrorist point of entry and that al Qaida training manuals advise terrorists to enter the United States from Canada. The report concluded that “despite widespread alarms raised over terrorist infiltration from Mexico, we found no terrorist presence in Mexico and a number of Canadian-based terrorists who have entered the United States.”

After Alaska became a state in 1959, we then had an Eastern border, too:

When was that secured? Ever? Why has every President failed to uphold the Oath of Office? Why has no one impeached every single one of them? Why won’t Republicans do the right thing when Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush piss on the Constitution this way? Why don’t they love the United States of America the way I do?

April 23, 2010

Barack Obama: another grasp at the crown?
By Paul A. Ibbetson

We here in the United States have long since separated ourselves from our former position as a colony of England. In doing so it would seem that our people’s direct interaction with a king as our designated sovereign would be forever over, but is it? It is painfully apparent that currently Barack Obama seems more accurately described as a king than a U.S. president.

First, and most painfully obvious, Barack Obama has recreated the “taxation without representation” scenario that led to the American Revolution as though he were rigidly following a historical script.

This is getting old. The 2008 election gave Obama the political responsibility of presidency, and that job is held for 4 years. For more than two centuries it’s never been any different. The use of power by liberals comes as a shock to you, yeah, you reality neophytes. Clueless again? Utterly dismayed and flummoxed by the legalese and hoary traditions of “Terms of Office”?

Eliminating the Bush tax cuts, implementing a socialistic healthcare bill that will require higher taxes, and starting Cap & Tax in the wings have placed the colonial-style yoke of oppression on the American people.

. . except that none of that exists. None of it has been enacted.

. . Second, as was pondered during the times of the great Kings, Americans today argue amongst themselves as to whether our President is crazy, dangerously misguided, or just plain evil. Hereditary fits of insanity were shadows upon some of the royal bloodlines of the past. During the War of the Roses King Henry VI was periodically locked away with fits of insanity as was King George III while the colonists fought a revolution. Can we watch as our president drains the American coffers dry and then borrows from our competitors in China until the country is no longer economically viable, without asking where the sanity in this course of action is? Are we simply to smile politely as Obama tells the masses of unemployed that his reckless spending and government expansion can now be considered a historic success? In these dark days of American woe might we find it prudent to bring back bloodletting and exorcisms in the search of a cure for the mental disorder of liberalism that surely affects the king?

Okay Merlin, surely you will find a proper corporeal vent for the black bilious humors within the goode Christian body politic poisoned by the Obama Warlock, Mad Crown-Usurper, Itinerant Spawn of Illinois. Sir Lancelot’s force be with you.

He’s certainly a master at getting the tone of an anticipated speech just right. He proved that for the first time, for me, with the ‘Jeremiah Wright / Racism in America‘ speech where he effectively re-established his command of the campaign and the tangent issues.

He did it again tonight. He made it clear that America was angry with him, and he accepted that fact, and then he made it clear that both he and America were merely doing their jobs.

He said this year was the one to focus on jobs and to attack deficits, both of which everyone wanted to hear. He did not back down on healthcare reform, which he badly needed to make clear. He made a case for that being critically necessary whether politicians now have the courage to finish off the package or not. And reform’s the best way to address deficits, and he’s right.

It was very well done. I think he’s again seized the narrative, but that will only last for a couple of weeks.

I got a real sinking sense tonight of Obama’s being wholly but an American patrician. Intellectual and philosophical, he’s remarkably capable of measuring the buffeting political choruses with great accuracy and then invoking a call for a comprehensive plebeian answer grounded in sensible activism and incisive real-world experience. Really amazing, honestly.

Really empty, too. The one endeavor in his entire political life where that call showed up in reality and flesh is healthcare reform. All he’s done tonight is say that he’s still behind it. If he were really serious about it, he’d have been doing the dirty work of nastily twisting House Democrats’ arms this week. Instead, he’s spent all of his time thinking and pondering and balancing and crafting a terrific-sounding speech. Quite the Roman Senator.

He’s spent all his life parsing these issues. But he hasn’t figured out how to move people to do his considerably sensible will, other than to mull and draft another inspiring speech. Do you think that if the mob continue to ignore him, which they’ll surely do, he’ll just throw up his arms in exasperation? I do.

*Sigh* Been a while since an American deserved to be hanged because of his Christianity. Can we just toss him to the Taliban? Swap him for Bowe Bergdahl?

Let him be a ‘martyr’ for his own personal cause: martial assholery. When I think of all the good people now dead, especially our own military people, it just makes me sick. We can start with the tag comment of the Haught post, here:

It’s awkward to say openly, but now-departed President Bush is a religious crackpot, an ex-drunk of small intellect who “got saved.” He never should have been entrusted with the power to start wars.

Bush, God, Iraq and Gog
By Clive Hamilton

The revelation this month in GQ magazine that Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary embellished top-secret wartime memos with quotations from the Bible prompts a question. Why did he believe he could influence President Bush by that means?

The answer may lie in an alarming story about George Bush’s Christian millenarian beliefs that has yet to come to light.

In 2003 while lobbying leaders to put together the Coalition of the Willing, President Bush spoke to France’s President Jacques Chirac. Bush wove a story about how the Biblical creatures Gog and Magog were at work in the Middle East and how they must be defeated.

In Genesis and Ezekiel Gog and Magog are forces of the Apocalypse who are prophesied to come out of the north and destroy Israel unless stopped. The Book of Revelation took up the Old Testament prophesy:

“And when the thousand years are expired, Satan shall be loosed out of his prison, And shall go out to deceive the nations which are in the four quarters of the earth, Gog and Magog, to gather them together to battle … and fire came down from God out of heaven, and devoured them.”

Bush believed the time had now come for that battle, telling Chirac:

“This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins”.

The story of the conversation emerged only because the Elysée Palace, baffled by Bush’s words, sought advice from Thomas Römer, a professor of theology at the University of Lausanne. Four years later, Römer gave an account in the September 2007 issue of the university’s review, Allez savoir. The article apparently went unnoticed, although it was referred to in a French newspaper…


A French Revelation, or The Burning Bush
by James A. Haught

Incredibly, President George W. Bush told French President Jacques Chirac in early 2003 that Iraq must be invaded to thwart Gog and Magog, the Bible’s satanic agents of the Apocalypse.

Honest. This isn’t a joke. The president of the United States, in a top-secret phone call to a major European ally, asked for French troops to join American soldiers in attacking Iraq as a mission from God.

Now out of office, Chirac recounts that the American leader appealed to their “common faith” (Christianity) and told him: “Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East…. The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled…. This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins.”

This bizarre episode occurred while the White House was assembling its “coalition of the willing” to unleash the Iraq invasion. Chirac says he was boggled by Bush’s call and “wondered how someone could be so superficial and fanatical in their beliefs.”

After the 2003 call, the puzzled French leader didn’t comply with Bush’s request. Instead, his staff asked Thomas Romer, a theologian at the University of Lausanne, to analyze the weird appeal. Dr. Romer explained that the Old Testament book of Ezekiel contains two chapters (38 and 39) in which God rages against Gog and Magog, sinister and mysterious forces menacing Israel. Jehovah vows to smite them savagely, to “turn thee back, and put hooks into thy jaws,” and slaughter them ruthlessly. In the New Testament, the mystical book of Revelation envisions Gog and Magog gathering nations for battle, “and fire came down from God out of heaven, and devoured them.”…

Subsequently, ex-President Chirac confirmed the nutty event in a long interview with French journalist Jean-Claude Maurice, who tells the tale in his new book, Si Vous le Répétez, Je Démentirai (If You Repeat it, I Will Deny), released in March by the publisher Plon…


Did he feel hand of God?
by Mitch Potter

…Bush, a born-again Christian since age 40, arrives for today’s paid speaking engagement at Metro Toronto Convention Centre with fellow former president Bill Clinton amid a series of stranger-than-fiction disclosures, one of which suggests that apocalyptic fervor may have held sway within the walls of his White House…

Stranger still are new accounts emerging from France describing how former president Jacques Chirac was utterly baffled by a 2003 telephone conversation in which Bush reportedly invoked fanatical Old Testament prophesy — including the Earth-ending battle with forces of evil, Gog and Magog — in his arguments to enlist France in the Coalition of the Willing.

“This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins,” Bush said to Chirac, according to Thomas Romer, a University of Lausanne theology professor who was later approached by French officials anxious to understand the context of the biblical reference…

But in the absence of comment from Bush himself, disturbing questions about the extent to which his administration blurred the lines of religion and war loom large.

“Speculating on what goes on inside George Bush’s head is always a bold endeavour. But the sense one gets from this is that biblical prophesy somehow factored in the thinking,” said Clive Hamilton, a visiting scholar at Yale University who commented on the controversy in a recent article for counterpunch.org.

“Just the fact that Donald Rumsfeld and the Pentagon would overlay briefings to the president with biblical verses confirms eight years of suspicions,” said Salam al-Marayati, executive director of the Los Angeles-based Muslim Public Affairs Council.

“What is so disturbing is that it is similar to the way Al Qaeda uses sacred text to support their ambitions … it is the last thing we want to see in a president.

“Religiously, it is a violation of faith.”

That’s right, ugly motherfuckers, choke on the electric flesh. Bask in the power of the g-stringed glands and the ever-present scent of musk–America’s first Sex President is here.

Sarah Palin stalks the White House like a lurking lady-tiger backs up on a man-tiger’s jungle cock. And by that I mean she’d appreciate your vote, yoo betcha. And then she’d like to roger you incontinent and have 99 of your kids, and it’s about fucking time we had a real President, right?

Because it’s fucking time. Please don’t be turned off by it. Don’t only be a prude in the New America. This is the free-wheeling kingdom of the twin royals, hot and dumb, dude. Where folks are celebrities not because of what they accomplish, what they think, or what they write. People are famous because of what they look like in your mind, naked and down on their knees. Well, at least until they begin to become un-famous. And then they become famous again for what their freshly-shaven vaginas look like just above the limo seats.

Hawtdumb ‘Merica has just had enough of the uptight snorts who demand that people be talented, accomplished or hard working in order for the public to pay proper attention. Why can’t folks be rewarded with important and serious stuff for being totally smokin’ and horny? Sure, they may not know how to diagnose your bronchitis, may get confused over which end of the stethoscope goes against your skin, but how do you know they won’t just whip off their shirts, too? People will clamor for office visits. And softer butcher paper, maybe by Playtex.

The open embrace of Hawtdumb is the secret joy of all those Conservatives who once were so stodgy-bored about their candidates having intellect, or fortitude, and gravitas. They’re finally free to admit that what they’ve really been about all this time is perceived sexual power. Tall men, deep voices and iron-square jaws and cranky attitudes, red, white, and blue, and boy howdy I bet that guy can really fuck. You’ve got my vote, Randy! Yeeeeeehaw.

Back in the old days, those guys were ‘winners’. They quarterbacked the football team, ran the debate squad, gave the valedictory speech. Wrote influential books, won awards. They got out of the house, got out of the home town, went off and did the things that Americans bragged about.

John McCain was a last vestige of that version of what Republicans wanted. He went to Annapolis, served the country, he went to war. But you can see how even that model has become mostly a memory for the right: John was actually a stupid student, a terrible pilot, crashed a bunch of planes, got shot down, barely survived. He’s been trying to be that guy, but failed. He should have just slipped into the House of Representatives for a few years and then gone home and retired.

But with their allowing the lapse of the previous ‘capable’ model, with so many ‘new’ stupid and clueless Republicans choking the scene, who else could they have turned to? The business-Mor-man, Mitt Romney? He scares the shit out of dogs. The preacher, Huckabee? He breeds zeppelins. Bobby Jindal? He’s brown–in all the South, that only plays in Louisiana.

So they settled for McCain. But while they were doing that, they also developed a taste for the new breed. The people that stirred up the most right-side excitement in the last election were the retardeds, Fred Thompson and Sarah Palin. No, neither one of them had done squat shit in their lives other than gravitate to cameras and traffic in politics. And neither of them had enough intellectual firepower to snap off a punchline. These people were close to being sleeping turtles, but Republicans just loved them and love them still.

Why? Indeed. Chris Matthews knows why, it was exactly what he was talking about when, of Fred, he asked a guest “Does he have sex appeal? … Gene, do you think there’s a sex appeal for this guy, this sort of mature, older man, you know? … Can you smell the English leather on this guy, the Aqua Velva, the sort of mature man’s shaving cream, or whatever, you know, after he shaved? Do you smell that sort of — a little bit of cigar smoke?” Men talking about men like that. I suppose it has to be done when it’s the only relevant issue about Fred Thompson’s hilariously fatal candidacy. That, and his hot young wife, same thing.

And so it is with Palin, but in supple spades. She is horny and porny and she shoots living, breathing things, making them jizz their blood. Yeeeeeehaw, that’s a happy ending. Does she know what the Bush Doctrine is? No. Does she read……mmm, newspapers? No. Hell, had she even been much outside of tiny Wasilla before she became the state’s Governor? Bite my nipples.

Had she ever anythinged, anywhere, anyway? Other than bankrupt her home town? Do I really have to go on with this post? Isn’t it obvious what the hell Sarah’s game and fame are about? This person, from the world of politicians, who once were known for their silver tongues and acrobatic ways with language? Who got off this sentence folksy line curious construction mind grinder felony alphabet abortion in a welcome address for Michael Reagan?

“I’ll know that I have spoken up and I will speak up to thank people like Mr. Reagan, as we honor his dad, to encourage you too, Alaskans, to do the same and don’t just hang in there and go along to get along but stand up and speak up, and be bold and demand that Washington be prudent with our public monies and prioritize for America’s security, and forget the political correctness that makes one guard your conversation, and couch our words so cautiously that they lose meaning, and we lose effectiveness, and then we lose hope because we start thinking that politicians are only worried about their poll numbers and attracting campaign contributions for their next bid so that they can hold on to some title and some position.”

Aaaaah. She’s speaking your language, Conservatives. Or, in an other word, “XCKYJIPHGLE”. So mellifluous, it rolls off your tongue, after your tongue has been stabbed in its balls. Can’t wait for that radio show of hers, satellites crashing into each other trying to zero the signal.

“What’s the emergency, Bob?”
“We’re getting a repeating message off of one of the TELSTARS. Strange.”
“Well, what is it?”
“Just this: NO. PLEASE. ANTENNAE.”

Okay, enough, no further. C’mon, we all know there’s really no sense in her mangling a radio station. Between the ubiquitous cable play-by-play of the Hiltons, Simpsons and Kardashians, we’re already drowning in hot helium. The real essential, underlying Palin message just isn’t English, isn’t language at all, but it is already abundantly clear, and it’s never going to change. Cheaply polarizing, stoking one side, horrifying the other, it’s this:

“America? I will fuck you.”

Ah, the fabled Conservative ‘Culture of Life’, mother of the War in Iraq…

Nixon supported abortion … For interracial babies

White House audio recording released on Tuesday show that former President Richard M. Nixon — arguably the most hated Republican president in U.S. history and the only one to resign due to ongoing criminal scandals — was a supporter of legal abortion in certain circumstances … Like rape.

Or, interracial babies.

From The New York Times:

On Jan. 23, 1973, when the Supreme Court struck down state criminal abortion laws in Roe v. Wade, President Richard M. Nixon made no public statement. But privately, newly released tapes reveal, he expressed ambivalence.

Nixon worried that greater access to abortions would foster “permissiveness,” and said that “it breaks the family.” But he also saw a need for abortion in some cases, such as interracial pregnancies.

“There are times when an abortion is necessary. I know that. When you have a black and a white,” he told an aide, before adding: “Or a rape.”

While a majority of the audio recorded in the Oval Office during Nixon’s administration has been released to the public, some tapes had such poor audio quality that archivists were unable to determine if the conversations were on classified matters. The Times noted that new advances in restoration technology allowed the new disclosures.

Let’s see: practically the first thing Nixon did as President was the illegal bombing of Cambodia, which destabilized the country and allowed the Khmer Rouge to come into power, which lead to the Cambodian Genocide and the deaths of 2 million people.

No wonder Bob Dole cried at his funeral.

That’s the round-up on this teacup of rhetorical dogpiss Gaffney throws at the President: ‘you sound so much like a Muslim, you must be one.’ An attempt of vigorous laziness.

GAFFNEY: America’s first Muslim president?
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.

COMMENTARY:

During his White House years, William Jefferson Clinton — someone Judge Sonia Sotomayor might call a “white male” — was dubbed “America’s first black president” by a black admirer. Applying the standard of identity politics and pandering to a special interest that earned Mr. Clinton that distinction, Barack Hussein Obama would have to be considered America’s first Muslim president.

Oh Lord. This already stinks to hell–let’s set this straight from the beginning. President Clinton was called that for a couple of reasons. Wiki:

In writing about the impeachment in 1998, [Toni] Morrison wrote that, since Whitewater, Bill Clinton had been mistreated because of his “blackness”:

“Years ago, in the middle of the Whitewater investigation, one heard the first murmurs: white skin notwithstanding, this is our first black President. Blacker than any actual black person who could ever be elected in our children’s lifetime. After all, Clinton displays almost every trope of blackness: single-parent household, born poor, working-class, saxophone-playing, McDonald’s-and-junk-food-loving boy from Arkansas.”

The phrase “our first Black president” was adopted as a positive by Bill Clinton supporters such as on September 29, 2001, when the Congressional Black Caucus honored the former president at its Annual Awards Dinner in Washington D.C., with the chair, Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-Tex.), telling the audience that Clinton “took so many initiatives he made us think for a while we had elected the first black president.”

It was black folks that said it. It was the way they felt, that’s the origin and the essence of the nickname. I’d say they’d have a pretty good case in defending the term from their perspective, being black and all. And ‘identity politics’ is divisive and racist, so this would be the opposite, right? This would be something like ‘non-identity politics’, where the previously perceived differences between races break down so that they can’t be used for political gain.

Frank Gaffney ain’t Muslim, for sure. And he’s an ‘identity-politics’ player to the nth degree: he’s gonna try to tie the new/old phrase around Obama’s neck and hang him straight away.

This is not to say, necessarily, that Mr. Obama actually is a Muslim any more than Mr. Clinton actually is black. After his five months in office, and most especially after his just-concluded visit to Saudi Arabia and Egypt, however, a stunning conclusion seems increasingly plausible: The man now happy to have his Islamic-rooted middle name featured prominently has engaged in the most consequential bait-and-switch since Adolf Hitler duped Neville Chamberlain over Czechoslovakia at Munich…

Hitler in paragraph two — *ding* — we’re done right, we can all go now? And I thought you just said you weren’t saying ‘Obama actually is a Muslim’, so how can there be any bait-and-switch? Frank? Or Frankie? Let me take a tiny guess, you’re going to now try to ‘prove’ that he is…?

With Mr. Obama’s unbelievably ballyhooed address in Cairo Thursday to what he calls “the Muslim world” (hereafter known as “the Speech”), there is mounting evidence that the president not only identifies with Muslims, but actually may still be one himself.

Un-FREAK-ing believable. How fucking stupid do you think people are, Frankie? So you’re not saying ‘Obama actually is a Muslim’, but you are saying ‘the president not only identifies with Muslims, but actually may still be one himself.’

There are a grand total of three sentences in between the two perfectly contradictory scats of that rank, nonsensical ‘rhetoric’. Does the Washington Times carry even a single editor? An editor that can read? Read the Washington Times?

Consider the following indicators:

• Mr. Obama referred four times in his speech to “the Holy Koran.” Non-Muslims — even pandering ones — generally don’t use that Islamic formulation.

• Mr. Obama established his firsthand knowledge of Islam (albeit without mentioning his reported upbringing in the faith) with the statement, “I have known Islam on three continents before coming to the region where it was first revealed.” Again, “revealed” is a depiction Muslims use to reflect their conviction that the Koran is the word of God, as dictated to Muhammad.

• Then the president made a statement no believing Christian — certainly not one versed, as he professes to be, in the ways of Islam — would ever make. In the context of what he euphemistically called the “situation between Israelis, Palestinians and Arabs,” Mr. Obama said he looked forward to the day “. . . when Jerusalem is a secure and lasting home for Jews and Christians and Muslims, and a place for all of the children of Abraham to mingle peacefully together as in the story of Isra, when Moses, Jesus and Muhammad (peace be upon them) joined in prayer.”

This is ridiculous. This is the most Muslim-people savvy President in the history of the country, and thank Allah for that. Because he grew up in Indonesia, the 5th largest country and the largest Muslim country on the planet, he is aware of their ways, traditions, beliefs and language.

In a much anticipated speech at Cairo University, in an effort to build a ‘new beginning’, Obama would be a fool not to use his experience and knowledge to his and America’s advantage. It just proves how smart the President is.

Gaffney, on the other hand, would surely prefer to have George W. Bush challenge the angry and distrusting Muslim world to ‘bring it on’. From the safety of the White House, of course. Brilliant.

In the final analysis, it may be beside the point whether Mr. Obama actually is a Muslim. In the Speech and elsewhere, he has aligned himself with adherents to what authoritative Islam calls Shariah — notably, the dangerous global movement known as the Muslim Brotherhood — to a degree that makes Mr. Clinton’s fabled affinity for blacks pale by comparison.

*BONG* Now THERE’S some ‘identity politics’: Obama loves foreign Muslims better than the ‘First Black President’ likes American blacks. Thank you Frank J. Gaffney, Junior Douchefellow at the Dogwhistle Institute for American Harmony.

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ADD: I thought I remembered this Gaffney from somewhere. This is what he does–he divines the secret intentions of the sneaky Muslim President…