Raw Story tells us that Herman Cain is about to domi9ate internet TV:
Failed Republican presidential candidate and former pizza CEO Herman Cain is planning to launch his own Internet TV channel called “CainTV” that, oddly, features patriotic dinosaurs and a cartoon version of President Ronald Reagan, among other bizarre attractions.
“Whether you are looking for commentary, comedy, or culture, CainTV delivers it all in an Informed, Inspirational, and INtertaining way . . ”
What Raw Story failed to add was “Do not watch this stuff in a fragile state of mind.” It’s too bizarre to make sense of. Why is Sandra Fluke mouthing some fat guy’s words? Who is the homeless guy? Why is there a baby T. Rex? Who is this man doing the Ol’ Jim Crow? Why does Herman want me to buy guns for sheep? My head. I tried to whittle this blotter of Velvet Spidermans down to a tolerable minute, but I think I made it worse.
Alexandra Pelosi (yes), working for Bill Maher’s program, records this video of white folks in Mississippi. What an astounding clip. It’s like watching the work of a video ethnographer on cryptic cultures. I find myself wanting to shield my eyes, but it’s just too compelling. Here:
I don’t post this just so we can gawk. There’s something important going on here. The biggest impediment to Democrats amassing power the way they deserve, given that regular folks’ values are much more like Democrats’ than the GOP’s, is the ethos so prominently displayed here.
Poor people refuse to do what’s smart. Though they’re horribly abused by their local governments, they keep voting the same people back in. Though they’re falling apart, they don’t want healthcare. Though their kids are in terrible shape, they avoid pre-natal care and Medicaid.
They fight off this sensible help with fierce personal and regional pride. It makes for a deadly serious political problem. It’s also something to see. Once you get past wanting to slap people for their recklessness, you come to terms with it: It’s all they think they have.
That so many folks would even refuse something perhaps life-saving to favor their pride is shocking. But there it is. We should remember that. We should also find a way to present liberal politics to these good, misguided people in a way that accommodates rather than insults their pride. I wish I knew how to do that, but I don’t.
He had to show up at some point. Herman Cain, self-centered clown, wasn’t just going to sit around while the other Values Bozos posed for Fox News. If the political universe desperately needs to fawn upon talentless jerks, surely Herman could lend a hand.
So Herman rolls out a “Cain Connections!” or “Solutions Revolution!” or some other poorly realized, utterly vapid media stunt by way of a slick video. Except this: it’s isn’t slick. It’s one of the cheapest, dumbest, digital slogs of derp to hit the internet.
Cain’s video team shoots the thing in his office. For the whole clip, the overhead lights are centered in his glasses. This leads you to marvel at Herman’s bling-specs, or the spontaneous power of epilepsy. The camera is placed near enough to his pumpkin to maybe misplace his eyes or mouth. Centimeters away, his lips fight like livid caterpillars. The camera sweeps in and out and over and over, nauseating everyone, pugilists included. The wrestling continues. It’s awful but you can’t turn away.
And then the highlight: Herman’s big reveal, his spectacular political vision. It is a white piece of paper on his desk. Yes, but he has written on it, thankfully, left-handed and in large scratches:
9 • 9 • 9
Peace thru Strength
And while you see this and think “That’s the deal?”, Herman’s voice fills in the details:
“We must be able to un-elect members of Congress on a timely basis.”
“We must effectively and dramatically impact their decisions while they’re in office and before they get elected.”
Any other times, Herm?
“You know. Politicians are an interesting breed. When they feel the heat, they will see the light.”
What a mess. The disaster wraps with a trademark Cain touch: the camera closing in on his glorious face for all your life (not his, he is a god). You think “What an idiot.” A voice pops up completely out of the blue: “We are not stupid.”
Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six first person shooter is developing its latest iteration. Alyssa Rosenberg at Think Progress mentions that previous releases had you gunning down nuclear terrorists, bio-terrorists, genocide-whetted Hutus and murderous masterminds who planned to wipe out Las Vegas. I remind no one in particular that Siegrfried and Roy reside in the area.
The newest version is on the way. And look who’s about to get shot in the face, for eternity:
It’s, uh, hmm. Who the hell is that? They’re short-haired, clean shaven, heavily armed, well-organized, hopelessly violent, and clad in tailored suits. Blackwater? Is that you?
. . the bad guys are basically Occupy Wall Streeters on steroids. Or, considering all the rioting, attacks against police, and pyrotechnics coming from the occupiers lately, just a better organized next step for the more violent members of the 99%.
The right-winger, tongue outside cheek, then points us to the latest anarchist “pyrotechnics”:
. . the conflagration that vaporized Denver. Breaking capital news: it’s butt-pucker Fahrenheit.
. . nowhere has the Clancyverse done better at upping the stakes and turning conservative boogeymen into national security threats than in the Rainbow Six franchise . .
Oh, it’s a game? Fair enough. How about Al Gore fanatics carrying liquid nitrogen tanks on their backs? They blast-freeze carbon-wasting citizens and snap them in half. Crack! Or eco-green maniacs dragging fast-food fans off to labor farms. They work the fatties like Burmese slaves for a couple weeks, then roll ‘em onto compost piles to burn. Look, they wiggle like Turtles. Whatever. We’ll supply the men, you program the boogey.
A You Tube user by the name of ‘antiprocon’ uploaded this video yesterday.
“While filming a police line at Occupy Oakland after midnight on Nov. 3 following the Nov. 2 general strike, an officer opens fire and shoots me with a rubber bullet. I was standing well back. There was no violence or confrontations of any kind underway. At 0:31 seconds you can see a tall officer in the front raise his weapon and then fire. This is the full clip of the incident.”
The city needs to fire this cop (they won’t). They’re cheering at Fox News.
This is a music video that claims to be a “9/11 Tribute from Herman Cain.” And right away, when politicians feel sufficiently assured of their cult of personality that they must sing to you, we’ve got a problem.
Someone’s got a problem. But this ‘tribute’ is no paltry gaffe. This isn’t merely a maudlin disaster clip from a bad singer with political ambitions. This is something far, far worse. This is one of the darkest, most disturbing videos ever recorded.
We are all familiar with singers who feel compelled to break into song upon inspiration. The former Attorney General Ashcroft was known to break into“Let the Eagle Soar,” or something disastrously cousin to it, when he came into contact with like-minded patriots.
On New Year’s Day, 2002, mere weeks after 9/11, Martina McBride roused a unified country with a spirited rendition of “God Bless America” amongst plenty of American flags, U.S. Marines, soaring fighter jets and grateful Rose Bowl paraders. Given McBride’s take and our battered psyches, that was alright by me. If only all the military symbolism hadn’t been an unheeded warning: America, your choices are slipping away.
Martina’s rendition wasn’t the best, though. This version of “God Bless America” is still the ultimate. While the arrangement may be elaborate, the singing is simple and optimistic, athletic and energetic, and utterly devoid of cheap sentimentality. Kate Smith’s take is still remarkable. If only more singers and songwriters would listen to it and take note: this is how you do musical patriotism. This is how simple inspiration sounds. If only.
Oh my god, if only. What have you done, Herman Cain? How is it you put together a video of “God Bless America” that made me physically sick? I was hit with a flood of nausea.
What is it about the roiling, churning, violent deaths of thousands of people that makes you want to sing that particular song so slowly and so badly? Why in the world would you want to re-post those awful clips of airplane strikes so we re-connect with the horrors of instant death? Why do you want to show the towers disintegrating so we realize — again — how good people died in a manner akin to being shoved into a 1000-foot meat grinder?
What sort of childish, deeply narcissistic soul believes such nightmares are soothed by his pitiable singing? What in the world is deeply, desperately wrong with you, Herman Cain? What is wrong with you?