Friday, May 07, 2010

Greek Plans for Recovery are OPPOSITE of Obama’s Plans for America
Posted by: Meredith Jessup at 11:12 AM

According to the New York Times, Greece has to swallow some “bitter pills” in order to get on the road to economic recovery. In exchange for an IMF/EU bailout, Greece has agreed to an austerity plan that strangely resembles conservatives’ dreams for American prosperity.

Many of the measures the IMF/EU demands Greece must implement in order to help improve its economy run opposite to the Obama administration’s agenda for America.

NYTimes: Among the most significant features of the plan, a Greek government official said, would be a measure making it easier for the government to lay off some of the many thousands of public sector workers, whose low levels of productivity and high wages are a big contributor to Greece’s debt problem.

USA: “Government workers, especially at the federal level, make salaries that are scandalously higher than those paid to private sector workers.”

NYTimes: Another reform high on the list is removing the state from the marketplace in crucial sectors like health care, transportation and energy and allowing private investment.

USA: Obamacare, parity for pedalers, cap and tax… among MANY others.

Are we seeing a pattern yet?

I LOVE YOU DADDY.

MAYBE HE SHOULD BE CALLED MOOKIE-POOKIE. *squeal*

YAY!

Friday, May 07, 2010

Death’s Progress
by Dr. Paul Kengor

. . Here’s the essence of the problem with contemporary progressives and their movement, which is a gigantic problem for America: One of the only things we really know about progressives, and that they know about themselves and their ideology, is that they favor constant “change,” “reform,” an ever-shifting, ongoing “evolution,” or, yes, progression. And therein is an inherent, significant difficulty: progressivism offers no clear, definable end.

You right-wingers were furious over the pull-out of Iraq because the “definable end” was . . . ? What? Hullo?

Blacks get their civil rights. BONG. *end* Latinos, Indians, GAYS get their civil rights. BONG. *end* America pulls out of Iraq. BONG. *end*

The goal-post is always moving, forever pushed further away. Ends are never ends; they always “progress,” with culture and society, banking on the ludicrous assumption that the changes are always (or largely) good.

Stupid. BONG. *end*

I’monna EAT yoo. (hic) OW.

D’yoo . . . (hic) . . d’yoo have any children?

OOOOOOOOokay I’monna eat them too. (hic)

And I’ma hunnert ninety three years old. (hic) OW.

And I’monna suck I can totally smell your blood.

HAY. YOO. I’monna eat your KIDNEY. HA HA. (hic)

SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR KIDNEY (hic) ow cuz it’s gone . .

OH MAN I’Z ONLY KIDDING, c’mon man, aww. (hic)

THAS’ IT. I’monna eat your LIVERS. How yoo guys gon’ be cops (hic) OW without your livers? AWWWWWWW C’MON LET ME OUTTA THIS THING . .

. . your honor, my client would like to sincerely apologize to the court and to Lorain County Sheriff’s Deputies for his unfortunate behavior subsequent to his unlawful arrest.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Barack Obama: Enemy Within
by Matt Barber

“[W]e will achieve our destiny to be as a shining city on a hill for all mankind to see.” – Ronald Wilson Reagan

“Our nation is chosen by God and commissioned by history to be a model to the world.” – George Walker Bush

“America does not presume to know what is best for everyone.” – Barack Hussein Obama (Insert deflating balloon effect here.)

We have a president loath to acknowledge American exceptionalism.

Exceptional Matt Barber

Indeed, the weight of the evidence suggests that our chief executive, through both word and deed and with malice aforethought, seeks to undermine – if not dismantle – that exceptionalism. At one time we properly called such activity anti-American, seditious or even – under certain circumstances – treasonous. Today we call it “progressive.”

*RING*

“Hello?”

“Morocco?”

“Yeah, that’s us.”

“It’s time for you to build air-conditioned catwalks across the desert.”

“HA, right.”

“This is . . Barack Obama.”

“WHOA! American Exceptionalism.”

” . . exactly.”

“Anything else?”

And I should know. I used to be a gay prostitute.

” . . toma, and his trouser snake with glaucoma.” That was my street schtick. “Ooooh . . the swelling!” I’d coo and giggle. “Wanna take off my paaaannts? Or smoke some grraaaaasss? That’d make it all better . . ” Oh, the evil.

And I used to do it all. Sodomy, lesbianism, bestiality, pedophilia — my trick bag was full, sailor. But my real specialty was murder. Murderin’ bug-penis-eyed toma, that’s how everybody knew me. And did I make money killing my regulars, or what? No — not what — yes! I did!

“What’s it gonna be today, buddy?”

“I’d like some rape and some pederasty. Say, 50/50?”

“Oh yeah? Well, what about a little of THIS?!”

*WHACHA*

I’d reach over and murder them. Oh man, you should’ve seen the looks on their disembodied faces. They were always completely amazed: “. . that was AWESOME!” And then I’d get a big tip, ka-ching.

“Lesbianism for me, toma.” *WHACHA*, suffocated. “UNBELIEVABLE!” Ka-ching.

“I’m a big fan of sodomy — can you insert a lighthouse up my . . ” *WHA-CHA-CHA*, legs amputated, hanging from a shower rod. “KEEEWWL . .” Cha-ching.

“Here I am, tied up like a whimpering dog in the laundry room . . ” *WHA-CHOO-CHA*, pulmonary embolism. “I’M WEEPING, JUST SHEDDING TEARS . .” Cha-chaka-ching.

Let’s see your frigging Pope do that.

2008. The Art Newspaper:

2009. PR Newswire:

2010. The National Review:

. . have a good weekend, everybody . .

The only purpose of the Census Bureau’s more detailed effort, the American Community Survey, is to take pictures of you on the toilet. It’s all part of the government’s “American Commode Life” Christmas exhibition at the Smithsonian.

In anticipation of it, pardon my perhaps indelicate question, but: Erick, do you . . well . . *ahem* . . wipe down there? You never can tell with cranky Republicans, it being the sort of thing Healthcare Hitler smiles upon. You might redouble your efforts in that capacity seeing as how you’ll soon be hog-tied with your head in the crapper and your butt in the air for some close-ups. Start by walking down to the corner Rite-Aid, say “Excuse me — do you have any Charmin? Or perhaps a boiling hopper of acetone? Just for me?”

Otherwise, don’t be too surprised to end up on the cover of the gallery catalog, with your blotchy skin and copious sideburns being the evening’s fascination.

Hardly enough children are being raped in the United States, so I’m glad that Democrats took a stand on this. If it’s time to, by chemical means, put some ‘boing’ in the molesters’ hammers, so be it.

It’s also time we distributed Army khaki ass chaps to pre-schoolers.

SO BIZARRE, his tossing off the “bipartisan cap” after running headlong into “intractable opposition from Republicans.”

Better Presidents, especially Republicans, never behave so unpredictably.

The Greatest Republican of them all, Abraham Lincoln, for instance, was the exact opposite. This is straight out of ‘D00d’s American Guide To Total History’:

South Carolina was like . . “Dude — you got elected?! Tssh, we’re outta here.”

And, so, Abraham was like . . “Aww, man, don’t go.”

And South Carolina was like . . “Ballz. We are gone.”

And, so, Abraham was like . . “C’mon, man, please stay.”

And South Carolina was like . . “Yeh, I don’t think so. It’s war.”

And, so, Abraham was like . . “Awww maan.”

And right there, hammer-struck with intractable opposition, he cleverly gave in, thankfully preserving a genocide The Negroes still call “slavery” the end.

March 19, 2010

Washington chaos portends Obama’s vision for America
By Chris Adamo

As the nationalized “Healthcare” debacle nears its end game, the people of America are increasingly shocked and disgusted by the raw ugliness of the Obama “governing” philosophy. Those platitudes of “hope and change” are gone, and in their place a thoroughly regretful American populace now witnesses, to its horror, the total desecration of this once triumphal constitutional republic.

Okay — Bob? You go piss in the Mississippi river.

Jerry? You graffiti the Grand Canyon. With, you know, something like . . a Jane Fonda Jesus. Or, like, dude hanging from the cross with a weird boner.

Brian, you relocate the apse by extending the Badlands a thousand miles in every direction.

Keith, you throw stones at the stained glass. What? Behind Mount Rushmore. Idiot.

And Rick — you turn the wheel at the Boulder Dam. That’ll kill the internet, and then the pipe organ won’t work.

Tee hee.

. . MINE! YES!! Evvvveeerrrrrrythhhhiiiinnnnnngg MINE!!

Here are my demands:

1.) You’ll be loving me with all your heart.
2.) I’ll be eating all your sheep. Please have them shorn by dinner. Oh, and some of that mint jelly would be nice, whatever you got, just leave it in Nevada. I’ll pick it right up after I stuff my pockets with gaudy casinos and funny buildings.

. . oh, and . . *ahem*. . IF YOU DON’T DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO, I’LL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE BOLOGNA BOATS.

. . not really — sshhh — you know the story . .