Category: whacko

You really had me going Mister Government Spree Killer

About Short Little Rebel:

Susan Shannon, author of Short Little Rebel, uses Bible Scripture and God’s inspiration to analyze both national & international news. Susan believes that the end times are upon us.

URGENT UPDATE on the Connecticut Shooting:

He was too mentally ill to have gotten those weapons himself. He was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and we now know that he had many, many interventions by school officials in the past. I felt that the killing of little children would be the strongest argument yet that we should clamp down on gun ownership. I just couldn’t believe the TIMING and circumstances of this event- a GIFT to the Progressives to disarm us. Who can argue with this case?

Darn. But then an e-mail came.

. . a friend sent me the following links which tell a different story. Having reported the event LIVE and experienced the changing information, I am not surprised. In fact, it makes sense now.

Sooo.

Friends. I believe there is evidence of more than one shooter. I believe this was a PLANNED event- specifically to get the UN Small Arms Treaty signed. The father of the shooter is Peter Lanza, rumored to be scheduled to testify on the international LIBOR scandal. Guess who else is rumored to be scheduled to testify on the LIBOR scandal? Father of the BATMAN theater shooter.

That’s why . .

. . I believe our GOVERNMENT shot those kids and teachers and used Adam Lanza and his family to pull it off. They might have killed two birds with one stone. One: If these men are involved in the LIBOR scandal, they can manipulate their testimony. Two: they get gun control. How very, very clever and efficient of them, right?


h/t Jesus General

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Photos of empty patio chairs please save us

So Clint Eastwood balls up his actor’s courage and delivers a doddering stumbling diatribe to an empty chair (in his mind, to the President) at last week’s GOP convention. It was bizarre. It wasn’t rehearsed or scripted, that’s for sure. It was even painful to see. And it was a great way to set a professional tone for the high-profile Romney coronation minutes before the World’s Greatest Man takes to center stage and pleads that he should be your next president.

Quote Rachel Maddow: “I don’t — I don’t — I don’t know what was going on there,” Maddow said, seemingly tongue-tied. “Clint Eastwood is 82 years old and I think that — I don’t know if that’s what was going on there.” . .

“That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen at a political convention in my entire life, and it will be the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen if I live to be 100,” she said.

Weirdness. What’s the fallout from this surrealist escapade? Turbo weirdness. The wingnuts grabbed their cameras yesterday and took pictures of empty chairs. Why? No idea. It was an insult to Obama apparently. Chairs are empty 99% of the time, incidentally.

But boy howdy did people get excited about it though. And everybody chose the same chair for a prop, one of those mass-produced $20 white patio plastic things that seems to get filthy dirty before you can even get it out of your car. But they added flags or hand-written messages to the setting to make the insult clear: “Take that Obama.” And the Keystone pipeline, buddy.

If I remember these people correctly, Obama has been a dictator. Been seizing control of everything in sight, most luridly and illegally the world’s greatest healthcare system. In parallel he’s driven the nation into a death debt-spiral, entrenched Soviet socialism into government practices, handed both the borders and the Supreme Court to Mexicans, and he’s brought indefensible Chicago politics to the fray which means he’s about to get re-elected, probably for life. This is why Chuck Norris predicted that Barack defeating Mittens in November will kick off a “thousand years of darkness” in America. It’s the application of empty chair politics, you see.

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Todd Akin’s no different than the rest of them

The GOP have been quick with the public relations hand-wringing and furrowing of bald pates after Rep. Todd Akin’s bizarre comments. Over the weekend Akin offered this dodge for the need of an abortion after rape:

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Plenty of Republican bigwigs, including National Review, have called for him to exit his Missouri Senate race. The thinking among the right-wing is that the gender gap among voters, especially after Rush Limbaugh’s sluttening of politics, is sizable and will only grow worse as long as a target like Akin hangs around.

But what about the rest of the wingnuts? What’s the point of exiling your drunken uncle from the family gathering when the whole clan is berserk? Since when are the rest of the Republican intelligentsia above poor stupid Todd Akin?

Take Bryan Fischer for instance. It’s his job to be the stupidest asshole on the internet. Everybody agrees on this, Bryan particularly and proudly. So after he says this, why is he welcome in the GOP?

“What Todd Akin is talking about is when you’ve got a real, genuine rape. A case of forcible rape, a case of assault rape, where a woman has been violated against her will, through the use of physical force, where it is physically traumatic for her,” Fischer said on his radio program.

Not a sort of snuggle-crime. Or an argument over the rules of slap-and-tickle. Really?

“Under those circumstances, the woman’s body — because of the trauma that has been inflicted on her — it may interfere with the normal functioning processes of her body that lead to conception and pregnancy. There’s a very delicate and complex mix of hormones that take place that are released in a woman’s body and if that gets interfered with it may make it impossible for her or difficult in that particular circumstance to conceive a child.”

Bryan’s been important enough a wingnut that virtually any presidential candidate has to kiss his ring before pursuing the evangelical vote. So he’s not going anywhere.

Thus the hypocrisy? Because he’s powerfully insane. He’s got so much of the speaking-in-tongues crowd behind him that he’s allowed to be as brutally insulting and idiotic as he likes. Akin’s equally dumb but he’s only a politician.

Paramount among equals, Chris Loesch. He understands biology, too, and you people have got everything all freaking wrong.

Akin was all “medically correct.” We take this for granted because Twitter warriors are very science. Anybody who gives his life over to shouting in short sentences is likely sensible and carrying an acute background in the molecular mechanics of human biology. If that isn’t true none of his colleagues particularly cares and no one’s more or less upset about anything of current note.

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Chuck Norris impeaches racist bombshell with penguins

Some plenty crazy on the internet this morning. As always, World Net Daily delivers delusions and babbling right to your table. Hot off the degenerating neo-cortex.

Chuck Norris stumbles around the White House, picking various bits and ends off the ground, and puts together the big picture. He tells us Barack Obama is about to unleash “Project Sawbuck Unleaded.”

President Barack Obama’s energy plan involves radically increasing gas prices to the European rate of $9-10 a gallon. And he’s well on his way by more than doubling prices at the pump since entering office in January 2009, when gasoline was only $1.79 per gallon . .

As you know, U.S. presidents exert exquisite finger-tip control over the energy markets. And Obama has been cranking up the retail rheostat on gas prices since the day of his inauguration. Why? Chuck says it has to do with the glory of green energy bragging rights. Meanwhile, the big story in WaPo, and Memeorandum, this morning is this: “Gas prices sink Obama’s ratings on economy, bring parity to race for White House”. But that doesn’t sound very muzzy-nefarious, so Chuck isn’t interested in it.

I talked about gas prices with a friend last night. And though I’m not much for conspiracies, if you really wanted to rat-fuck an election, manipulating gas prices would be the way to do it. The Romney clown car should run over a cliff, but instead it bounces off an over-inflated Exxon pump and careens toward the White House. Big oil is absolutely capable of doing this, rattling refinery chains and beating thundersticks to ratchet gas up to $6. This is far more likely, and evil, than Chuck’s hallucination.

Biggest article on WND right now? This:

Obama impeachment bill now in Congress
Declares president’s use of military without approval ‘high crime, misdemeanor’

Let the president be duly warned.

Look! It’s the gobaillionth effort to impeach Obama. We’re warning you, mister. We’ll be chasing you with this crap even after you’ve left the White House.

Rep. Walter B. Jones Jr., R-N.C., has introduced a resolution declaring that should the president use offensive military force without authorization of an act of Congress, “it is the sense of Congress” that such an act would be “an impeachable high crime and misdemeanor.”

They ran out of high-school educated lunatics to threaten the President so now they’re down to the droolers. If Obama orders air support for Syrian rebels Congress would then taste, or feel, a “high crime and misdemeanor.” And what is that? Jaywalking with special circumstances? Speeding while laying in wait? Sexual identity trespass? And though the Constitution is definitive about impeachable crimes, Jones wants to clear the air: This would be an impeachable “high crime and misdemeanor.”

You might fear for people this dumb. But look how Kenneth Starr hung around, destroying lives and reputations, until he finally got his big break. Throw a few trillion hooks in the water, and a fish will eventually crawl up your line and leap in your mouth. Then you get to 1.) remind everybody you were right, and 2.) cry “I’m a patriot!” out loud.

There’s this person:

The ‘Babe in the Bunker.’ Little Bo Peep, and her raison d’bleat: “Barbara Simpson fights back against assaults on freedom of speech.”

Did you hear the latest? The government-sponsored inquiry into the media and what it does resurfaced last week with a proposal to put restrictions on virtually everything – print, broadcast and the Internet.

In other words, all media would be scrutinized for “fairness and balance.” Transgressions would be tracked, and media outlets would be legally accountable.

But that was in Australia! Don’t you feel lucky to be American? I dig it when right-wingers play nation peek-a-boo. Anyway, Barbara lives in a gulag or something:

. . but think about what might happen if Obama is re-elected.

We’re already censored, perhaps not with the full weight of the law, but it’s there and getting worse.

Doubt me?

Try saying the “N” word – in public, in print, on the radio or television, in your workplace.

Walking down the street, Barbara thinks she should be able to call the local kids “N*ggers.” But darn if she just can’t seem to get it out. Because people won’t like it, and then out will come their words. And that, friends, is how America lost its First Amendment. N*ggers yelling back.

How about calling someone “gay” as a criticism or a taunt?

How about saying anything that even smacks of negativism about Muslims? All you know what would come down on you, along with demands for public apologies.

Barbara could shout out what’s in her little black heart. We could take her seriously. We could all get along.

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I see the ghost of Mitt Romney, i.e. Mitt Romney

So many Republican presidential candidates, so many favorites. It’s like picking a particular virus. All the many, many things to consider. Do you just wanna die, or would you like to linger?

First the wingnuts think Michelle Bachmann is wonderful. She’s energetic and Christian and conservative right down to her Buckley® corset and stare. Isn’t she great?

The Minnesota congresswoman last month suggested that God was punishing Washington for excessive spending by sending an earthquake and a hurricane (Her campaign later said she was joking), noted the “rise of the Soviet Union” 20 years after that regime collapsed, confused Elvis Presley’s birthday with the anniversary of his death, erred on the location of John Wayne’s birthplace in Iowa, and claimed the famous Revolutionary War battle at Lexington and Concord had been fought in New Hampshire.

She’s also bright as a bag of midnight. Oh well, time to move on. How ’bout that Rick Perry? He’s friendly, got good hair and a drawl. What’s not to like?

“Let me tell you, there’s three agencies of government that are gone when I get there,” Perry said. “Commerce, education and the, um, uh, what’s the third one there . . Commerce, Education and the, um, EPA . . the third agency of government, I would do away with: Education, Commerce and let’s see . . the third one, I can’t. Oops.”

He’s clueless about his own campaign. And government. Boy, these people are . . interesting. How the hell did they ever get this far? How is it that they’re being taken seriously, even momentarily, as candidates for president?

It’s not like they’ve ever hidden these massive flaws. Bachmann’s been famously dumb and loopy as long as anyone can remember. She tried to amend the Minnesota constitution to outlaw gay marriage in 2003, 2004 and 2005. Her own marriage narrowly escaped.

When President Bush signed the Energy Independence and Security Act outlawing the future manufacture and sale of incandescent bulbs, she responded with the Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act. You can imagine what that’s supposed to do, as if energy-sucking 19th century technologies were somehow American as eagles. If Sir Humphry Davy is so heart-broken, he can sit down with Tom Edison and have a cry.

Governor Rick Perry executed an innocent man charged with the arson murder of his own children. Killing innocent people is a sport in Texas. The mere approximation of ‘murder’ and ‘children’ in a sentence is evidence enough to shoot a man on sight. But Rick happens to be the head of government, which is supposed to manage it through legal means.

When actual arson experts (what?) looked at the evidence after the execution (who knew?) they saw nothing to indicate anything other than an accident.

. . Dr. Craig Beyler, hired by the Texas Forensic Science Commission to review the case, found that “a finding of arson could not be sustained”. Beyler said that key testimony from a fire marshal at Willingham’s trial was “hardly consistent with a scientific mind-set and is more characteristic of mystics or psychics.”

When government officials were to re-convene to consider the report, Perry finally sprang into action:

The Texas Forensic Science Commission was scheduled to discuss the report by Beyler at a meeting on October 2, 2009, but two days before the meeting Texas Governor Rick Perry replaced the chair of the commission and two other members. The new chair canceled the meeting—sparking accusations that Perry was interfering with the investigation and using it for his own political advantage.

Rest in peace, Cameron Todd Willingham. Your death is still considered a ‘win’ in Texas. In the end, that was the only fact Rick Perry paid any attention to.

The point I’m making here is that these Republican presidential candidates are a scary bunch. It’s shocking that any one of these loons is this close to the presidency. It’s especially shocking when they carry suicidal baggage the way they do: publicly and proudly.

Voters should be horrified by the selection of grotesques. They should be screaming bloody murder for being forced even to consider a Rick Santorum:

“I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money.”

Instead, they’re happy to pick one immoral, un-American fool after another. As if they were picking body sprays or Chinese food. Encouraged by the affirmation, a candidate cranks up the crazy and suddenly Mr. or Mrs. Average is dismayed. President Newt would do what to judges that annoyed him? Arrest them?

“Sure. If you had to. Or you’d instruct the Justice Department to send a U.S. Marshal.”

So much for the Constitution, checks and balances, judicial impartiality, blah blah. So many things stand between Newt and his liberty. It’s all pretty funny if your sense of humor shades to darkness.

It’s even funnier when you see where this is all going. The candidate to beat in this gnomic clusterfuck is Willard Romney. Mittens is a man so devoid of courage, color or personality he could be a cloud of carbon dioxide. People invite him to parties in case an electrical fire breaks out. He sits in the corner drinking fruit juice, no ice thanks, and talks to a candle.

Tomorrow, he will win easily in New Hampshire. That’ll put about 8 of his 10 slender, lady-lke fingers around the throat of the Republican nomination. He won’t take a firm grip for weeks. He won’t even think of squeezing for months probably, and the circus will go on. Meanwhile Ron Paul will surface to tell you that AIDS patients should pay not only for all their own healthcare, but for the carpentry and maintenance of slender coffins, their deaths being unusual and self-involved. Hooray.

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All I wanted was apocalypse and he wouldn’t give it to me

Shorter Larry Klayman, Renew America:

December 18, 2011
Obama is a traitor!

Barack Hussein Obama, our president, is a traitor. Finally, his hatred for our nation and his plan to destroy it are crystal clear. He must be forced from office — legally — before our entire country goes down the drain for the final count!

If the fat lady sings, I’m not holding Iran’s bag.


Shorter Larry Klayman, Renew America:

January 1, 2012
Time to nuke Iran

Let’s be blunt. The Islamic Republic of Iran is and has always been the major problem and danger in the Middle East and internationally. President Barack Hussein Obama and his secretary of state, Hillary Clinton, have pursued, at best, a policy of appeasement that has not worked — even assuming their intentions are genuine, which I doubt.

The sensible time to blow Iran off the face of the Earth has long since passed.

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Michael Steele is Beginning to Look Like Malcolm X to Me

If you thought like me that Herman Cain was the strangest black man in the Republican Party, you were wrong. Months ago, when I called Allen West a ‘Walking Anger Management Problem,’ I sensed that he was even more…unique…than that. At the time, he was completely losing his shit over the diminutive, post-cancer chemotherapy patient Debbie Wasserman Schultz. The optics may have been bad, but he really had no choice. She is a woman and she questioned his authoritah! He is A Real Man.

But remember this? He got mad at NBC, too:

West has denied NBC News’s reports of his involvement with the gang, and recently told Hotline On Call that the story can’t be true because the Outlaws do not “accept blacks, Jews or gays” into their ranks.

The West campaign has responded to the reports, denying their veracity and accusing NBC of a biased reporting:

“In what can only be described as a political hatchet job by the liberal mainstream media, NBC News – through reporter Lisa Myers – made an outrageous claim that LTC(R) Allen West condones criminal activity. Myers clearly has an agenda to try and stop good people like Allen who oppose the far left policies that are wreaking havoc upon our country.”

Turns out he just gets mad. Ask him about Herman Cain:

Scott Hennen: Is it an attack on a black conservative because he’s a black conservative?

Congressman West: Oh come on, I mean you know I was the only black member of a white supremacist motorcycle gang, so liberals and there are certain others I would say even within our party that are not comfortable with strong black conservative voices, and I would say there are people that feel very threatened by that because we do stand on principle. We are someone or entities that are out of the mainstream, if you want to call it that, so liberals are definitely going to come at you.

So I guess Herman Cain is not the only black man in the GOP who would get a special kind of thrill if somebody called him “Cornbread.” Or something. This is why we can’t have nice things, like participatory democracy. It is also why the following is all over the interwebs these days:  “2012–It’s Not Just an Election, It’s a Restraining Order.”

One thing is sure, we are going to have to stop cracking jokes about Michele Malkin winning the award for being the white supremacist with the darkest skin.

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CSI Preacher Damon Thompson claims Christ changes your DNA

Yet another evangelical that could use some rudimentary schooling. When you receive Christ, he rearranges your DNA, says Damon. It’s true, he knows of some woman who police and prosecutors probably had to let go because her DNA wasn’t her DNA.

Why exactly would Jesus do that? Damon seems to hint that maybe you should sidestep convictions for previous crimes. So much for atonement.

They let her go? Actually, once her immune system turned her into a bloody pool of goo, she just oozed out under the front door. She had days left to die a horrible, painful death.

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Hank Williams junior, right-wing meathead

News: Hank is furious with John Boehner. Because John played golf with Moe Howard, the Adolf. With the country this shape is in? A lotta people didn’t like that.


If you live in a town where people like Hank are walking around, I feel sorry for you.

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Rick Santorum demands he no longer be anal lube + fecal matter

Final score . .

Dan Savage: 1. Rick Santorum: 2.

Santorum claims his ‘filthy’ Google results ‘have an impact on the country’
Kase Wickman | September 20th, 2011

. . Sex columnist Dan Savage famously campaigned to redefine the then-senator’s name in 2003. Nearly a decade later, the effects of Savage’s prank remain: the top Google result for “santorum” is spreadingsantorum.com, which defines “santorum” as “the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum.”

Rick’s known about this for years, Dan epically pranked him. Call it a flit-er bombing.

But Frothy is upset now? His campaign’s tanking, I take it.

“I suspect if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, they’d get rid of it,” Santorum said. “If you’re a responsible business, you don’t let things like that happen in your business that have an impact on the country.”

“To have a business allow that type of filth to be purveyed through their website or through their system is something that they say they can’t handle but I suspect that’s not true.”


Through their website? Their system? Google doesn’t own the intertubes, Rickie. They merely monitor the traffic. And of your claim that the paramount and butt-centric ‘santorum’ has a negative “impact upon the country”? I am reminded of Artie Ziff, after a prom-pawing of Marge Simpson:

“Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about my busy hands. Not so much for myself, but I am so respected, it would damage the town to hear it.”

Reasonable readers would assume the former senator is moronic, but he’s merely Medieval. In February, he allied his campaign with The Crusades. Seriously:

Rick Santorum launched into a scathing attack on the left, charging . . that the history of the Crusades has been corrupted by “the American left who hates Christendom.”

No moron would take sides.

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The only Herman Cain video you’ll ever have to see

You gotta love presidential candidate Herman Cain just a little. He’s got no shot at the Republican nomination, he’s loony as a craphouse rat, and he knows nothing of politics, statesmanship or governance.

Nonetheless, he keeps swinging away. Swinging straight for the fences. It’s almost charming how he figures he’s about to hit a medicine ball into a volcano. It warms the heart that he just can’t accept strike thirteen. Game’s over, lights out, buses gone, fans asleep, and Herman’s spitting on his hands and digging in. Good for you, pizza man.

Now speaking of and in silly metaphors, did you see the Republican debate Thursday night? God no, me neither. But somebody at New York mag did, and they noticed a funny thing of Mr. Never Say Die. Herman has worked the theme song from Pokemon 2000 into his campaign spiel. No kidding. A kid’s feature cartoon. Here it is:

“Life can be a challenge.
Life can seem impossible.
It’s never easy when so much is on the line.”

I got a major chuckle out of that when I read the post. After everything Bachmann and Palin and Gingrich have already said and done, now we get this? Funny.

So I went and double-checked it, and sure enough, it’s true. Herman’s philosophy doubles as the opening lyric from Donna Summer’s theme for a Pokemon movie back when Bill Clinton was president. Herman Cain has been quoting, if not living by, the immortal words penned for perhaps the shittiest Japanese cartoon ever. The best part? HE HAS NO IDEA WHERE IT CAME FROM.

Well, that’s good enough for me. A little YouTube trolling and a few video edits later, I present to you . . this. The only Herman Cain video you’ll ever have to see. From your blog pal, me. Enjoy.


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Molested by elementary school troll

Was it a case of public perversion? Or was it only mental illness? You decide.

Man arrested for indecency with doll near elementary school
Stephen C. Webster | Raw Story | Aug 12 2011

56-year-old Daniel Torroll claimed he suffers from a mental disorder that causes him to perform strange sexual acts on himself, but nobody else… [Police] were called out to the area after people driving to the school spotted him kneeling on a towel, naked.

He was arrested this week after officers say they found him under a bridge near Allendale Elementary School, committing a lewd act on a two-foot-tall baby doll he’d cut holes into.

Daniel:

dniel

The doll:

I vote mental illness.

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