What a great political ad.

There Nancy Pelosi is. In her Satanic mansion of zombies.

There you go, there’s one. The dead can grow thick facial hair, that’s a rule.

Here another zombie tries to stab a sheep (actually a goat).

Here Nancy’s Republican challenger John Dennis swings into action.

Now he lectures Pelosi about sacrificial lambs. See the goat?

And Nancy makes the Pelosi face.

Then she tells everybody to “Talk to the hand.”

And there goes the greatest political ad ever.

After the Colorado theater shooting, a man wonders: How long would it take police to come to my Arizona neighborhood in the event of a terrorist attack? So he did a stupid thing. He dressed up his 16 year old nephew in a baby blue toga and gave him a bizarre looking fake weapon.

After 15 minutes of aimless ambling, the cops showed. No one got arrested for the weird doings.

Months later, the man capped it off by posting the daring video with his narration. The clip opens with this warning to the viewer: “Do not attempt to recreate the contents of this video.” This time the police arrest him. The moral of the story? People who were stupid in the past are likely to remain that way.

About that. Roger Simon attempted a bit of satire yesterday. Neither Politico nor Roger is capable of satire, so they certainly wouldn’t be known for it, so it was a strange idea. Roger and Politico are capable of bottomless political wankery. This is what they’re famous for. But seeing as how the post alternated between seemingly straight reporting and poking fun, it looked as if Roger had come to his senses. He had not. Instead, Roger assumed we would fall off our chairs at reading that Romney might call his running mate “Gilligan.” A former Republican presidential candidate — one that got to be president — called his best pal “Turdblossom.” And still does.

Coming toward the end of a campaign where Republicans have acted far too bizarrely to parody to actual hilarity, a Simon take on the absurd is impossible. The Minnesota candidate swore our slave-holding Founding Fathers tried to abolish slavery. The Georgia candidate promised to build colonies on the moon. The Pennsylvania candidate admitted that if it were up to him, he would ban condoms. The Texas candidate didn’t know the parts of the government he was campaigning to dismantle. And the businessman candidate couldn’t remember the existence of Libya, where we were involved in a revolution.

For the winners of the primary circus, the VP candidate, who claimed to have run a three hour marathon, is a budget expert that has yet to unveil a budget with any numbers in it. And the presidential candidate believes Utah invented Cold Fusion. Meanwhile, fans of all these people no longer believe in reality because everyone is out to hurt them. With statistics.

A reporter asks Mittens. Will you be campaigning harder now?

“Ha ha. We’re in the stretch aren’t we? Look at those clouds. It’s beautiful,” he said, pointing to the sky. “Look at those things.”

Today’s award-winning National Review braaap comes by way of Jonah Goldberg. If this weren’t him, it would be satire of Jonah delighting in duncery. Turns out Jonah’s a doughy big boy who can do things for himself. Take it away, Stephen Hulking…

Raaaaaaacists!
By Jonah Goldberg | July 27, 2012 1:57 P.M.

Dan’s post on Jonathan Chait’s entry into the “if it’s bad for Obama, it’s racist” games is a keeper. What I love about this stuff is that liberals tend to insist how racism is not only repugnant to them, but alien to them. And yet, they continually demonstrate a sensitivity and acuity for spotting it that even real racists seem to lack.

Liberals tend to insist they’re opposed to the killing of people. Yet every time there’s a stabbing, who is it that complains? Yup, the same bunch. Even more so than the murderers themselves. C’mon.

They’re like people who claim to be nose deaf (if you prefer, anosmic) who nonetheless insist they can pick up an exotic scent from miles away (“A lactose intolerant armadillo has grown flatulent over by the old Miller farm . . .”).

I did not make this up. This really is Goldberg. Ahem, contemplate all the things you’d miss (like this) if your peepers went mute. I don’t even want to noggin smell the idea. To be tasted of mitts and sighted of gob, it is to live. (P.S. Lemur snacks fart fart.)

I don’t think liberals appreciate how much conservatives laugh at this stuff.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Raw Story tells us that Herman Cain is about to domi9ate internet TV:

Failed Republican presidential candidate and former pizza CEO Herman Cain is planning to launch his own Internet TV channel called “CainTV” that, oddly, features patriotic dinosaurs and a cartoon version of President Ronald Reagan, among other bizarre attractions.

“Whether you are looking for commentary, comedy, or culture, CainTV delivers it all in an Informed, Inspirational, and INtertaining way . . ”

What Raw Story failed to add was “Do not watch this stuff in a fragile state of mind.” It’s too bizarre to make sense of. Why is Sandra Fluke mouthing some fat guy’s words? Who is the homeless guy? Why is there a baby T. Rex? Who is this man doing the Ol’ Jim Crow? Why does Herman want me to buy guns for sheep? My head. I tried to whittle this blotter of Velvet Spidermans down to a tolerable minute, but I think I made it worse.

Wingnut blogger Ace of Spades pays tribute to Andrew Breitbart. It’s some measure of respect for the deceased battleaxe that the blogger feigns his best Antony for Caesar. This would be a Wingnut Antony, one less interested in rhetorical double-dealing and prone to sincerity in the severe. You remember that David Frum is Brutus. He, having had nothing to do with Andrew’s weak heart, is a shit.

How David did stab Andrew’s unsullied reputation in writing this:

And this is where it becomes difficult to honor the Roman injunction to speak no ill of the dead. It’s difficult for me to assess Breitbart’s impact upon American media and American politics as anything other than poisonous. When one of the leading media figures of the day achieves his success by his giddy disdain for truth and fairness—when one of our leading political figures offers to his admirers a politics inflamed by rage and devoid of ideas—how to withhold a profoundly negative judgment on his life and career?

Assassino. Our scene opens: Ace ascends the pulpit, knee-deep in thought, and Cheetos.

Andrew Breitbart died today . .

We shall say of them that their legacy consists of more than three words — “Axis,” “of,” and “Evil.”

We shall say of them that they were warriors, and not bitter Vichyites mourning their loss of — loss of? was it ever even possessed? — relevance and reach.

I get it. Andrew is to David as Adolf was to the surrender monkeys. Check. You shall say of them, “I want to ever loyally and sincerely serve my people and fatherland and be obedient to the Reichspräsident and to my superiors.” Each to their own heroes.

. . from the dawn of time the primitives in the woods envied and feared those with the Magic of Fire.

Err, yeah I remember. Our Neanderthal ancestors poked their misshapen heads from the reeds and witnessed the “Magic of Fire.” How they envied . . the burning forest. Unless the woodchucks knew plenty about flint stones. Plenty of something they were foolish to forget.

As I type this, Breitbart is more alive than David Frum has ever been.

I doubt very much that will change as the years march on.

It is the nature of the rat to envy the lion.

The rat thinks, “If only I could gorge myself on the careers of anonymous, well-meaning people. I could roll over and sleep in the sun. That would be something.” Oh, rat boy, dream away.

We should not fault the rat overly for this. For what else can the rat do?

Let’s see: “Rats have been used in many experimental studies, which have added to our understanding of genetics, diseases, the effects of drugs, and other topics that have provided a great benefit for the health and well-being of humankind. Laboratory rats have also proved valuable in psychological studies of learning and other mental processes (Barnett, 2002), as well as to understand group behavior and overcrowding (with the work of John B. Calhoun on behavioral sink). A 2007 study found rats to possess metacognition, a mental ability previously only documented in humans and some primates.” Rats are looking pretty good right now.

But we should say that there are lions, and there are rats. And they are easily distinguishable.

And they are as different from each other as the sun is from the mirror that reflects it.

Lions are hydrogen-rich sources of fusion radiation, whereas rats are nothing more than Galileo’s night watchmen. That sounds right. Okay, I’m sleepy, here.

Confirmed by several sources.

Publisher and Author Andrew Breitbart Dead
By CHRISTINA NG | ABC News

Andrew Breitbart, the noted conservative Internet publisher and author, has died. He was 43.

A statement posted on his website said that Breitbart died “unexpectedly from natural causes” this morning.

The Los Angeles Coroner’s Office confirmed to ABC News Radio that Breitbart died shortly after midnight at UCLA Medical Center.

Our condolences go out to his family and friends, who are sure to be shocked and greatly pained by his passing.

As far as commenting upon the event, I can’t think of anything to compliment his memory, so I’ll leave it alone.

Mitt Romney wins Maine caucus, boring. Wins CPAC giggle fest, don’t care. Zero point zero-one percent of Catholics are angry about healthcare/contraception, big deal. Whitney dies? Breaking news:

Singer Whitney Houston dies at 48
CBS News | 5:30 p.m. PDT

LOS ANGELES – Whitney Houston, who ruled as pop music’s queen until her majestic voice and regal image were ravaged by drug use, erratic behavior and a tumultuous marriage to singer Bobby Brown, has died. She was 48.

Houston’s publicist, Kristen Foster, said Saturday that the singer had died, but the cause and the location of her death were unknown.

She was found dead at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. Rest in peace sweet-singing buggy cocaine lady. Have fun, everybody, watching the Grammys tomorrow. That will be a festival of tears and tunic-tearing. At least we know why Andrew Breitbart went diva on #Occupy CPAC.

A poll. No better way to have a discussion.

This is what adults do. Sit in their houses and answer polls. You can get a lot done in life by making and answering polls. And nobody gets into any trouble.

Fox Apologizes For Poll Asking If Jews Killed Jesus Christ
Nando Di Fino | Mediaite | Dec 30 2011

Fox Latin America was trying to promote a National Geographic Christmas special on Facebook. So a staffer set up a poll for users to drum up some interest ahead of the program.

Although you could ask something about a sacred figure. Or an occasionally persecuted group of people. Or both. That might stir up some opinion. Probably get you some traffic, too. Everybody knows: traffic is good.

A poll on a tragic event would get you some clicks, too.

So polls are great.

Hard work, too.

December 10, 2011
Proposed South Korean towers resemble WTC collapsing
Rick Moran | American *cough* Thinker

John Rosenthal at Weekly Standard has the story of a Dutch design firm that is planning to build two residential towers that look like the World Trade Centers in mid-collapse:

Pretty amazing – and disgusting.


Yes, absolutely. Disgusting. Worthy of getting their heads squished by Moran Americans. Also: the greatest feat of architecture in Erection History.

Except for . . :

The actual designs, unburdened by fin de siecle collapse elements.

You’d think the Netanyahu government would have better things to do. You’d think they’d be happy for whatever friends they could make, especially in a giant well-to-do place like the United States.

Maybe not. Israel’s Ministry of Immigrant Absorption has mounted a public relations campaign warning Israelis in America that their American-Jew boyfriends and Americanized kids are toxic. They’re impure, screwed up. Americans and American ways threaten essential Jewish traditions and integrity, and it’s time everybody knew.

Watch the government’s ad. Look at how Dafna’s boyfriend (husband?) behaves on Yom Hazikaron, Israel’s day for ‘Fallen Soldiers and Victims of Terrorism’:

What can you say? He’s just an American.

And this ad? It’s timely. The Israeli grandparents ask the littlest one about the holiday:

Someone slap the pumpkin pie out of her mouth.

Words of advice for Israel. If you’re really at war, you need all the friends you can get. I am American Irish, and I ask: do you know who (foolishly) funded the I.R.A.? Americans. The descendants of the Irish immigrants in America. 15% of the United States now trace their roots back to Ireland. Bibi, you wish you had that sort of constituency.

Of the current Republican poltergeists candidates, one rates above all others. One candidate is so sublime an American, he’s pretty much The Father of Our Country.

You hadn’t noticed? Gosh, why do you think Glenn Beck hangs around?

Let’s see. Rick Santorum on the War in Iraq:

“As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else. It’s being drawn to Iraq and it’s not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq.”

George Washington on the American Revolution:

“In the darkest depths of Mordor, I met a girl so fair. But Gollum, the evil one, crept up and slipped away with her, yeah. There ain’t nothin’ I can do, no.”

Check.