Category: yikes

Fox News celebrates MLK’s birthday by pulling out a photo of Ice Cube and calling him Ice-T

I hope your hands are big enough to hold your head. It’s a Fox clip so brutal, it’s classic.

The occasion of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King’s birthday is a great time to reflect upon things. The greatness of the man. The lasting political power of non-violence. The struggles of people long-denied their rights. The brutality and self-righteousness of oppressors. The segments of our society still in need of King-like grace and tolerance.

But maybe you were in a silly mood Monday? So you turn on Fox News and you see, for King’s birthday, that they:

1.) Have Bernard Goldberg spend time with Bill O’Reilly.
2.) Ask the two of them to gauge the amount of Mitt Romney’s ‘whiteness.’
3.) Get Bernie to bring from home a keepsake photo of a black person.
4.) Let him brag about how racially hep he is because he spent time with Ice-T.
5.) Have Bill-O point out that Bernie’s best friend is actually Ice Cube.
6.) Make Dr. King plenty proud when Bill explains “I’m a brother, man.”

Now your day’s ruined, and you’d like to kill someone, but, darn it, you can’t do it.


Merry Christmas Bowe Bergdahl, come home

Bowe Bergdahl is an Army soldier being held hostage by the Taliban’s Haqqani network after being captured in June of 2009.

. . Bergdahl “came off patrol on June 30th, dropped off his weapon, his body armor, grabbed up a bottle of water, a compass and a knife and took off out on his own. It was sometime after that, apparently, that some local militants grabbed him and turned him over to the Taliban.”

After the Taliban abduction became public, Fox News Channel figured Bergdahl for a great traitor. Why? God knows. ‘What sort of soldier tries to get captured?’ they seemed to ask. Figuring it a proper denouement, their Lt. Col. Peters actually called for the Taliban to go ahead and kill him. Watch the end:

The Pentagon flipped out over that. It’s shoddy journalism to call for the death of an Army soldier in enemy hands, I think. You would figure more patriotic Americans to feel the same way.

Two and a half years later, after five Taliban propaganda videos, Bergdahl is still alive. And still enemy property. That’s enough for New York’s Fox News affiliates to turn him upside down, like a prop:

The only known American soldier in Taliban captivity is training fighters in bombmaking and ambush, according to information reported Sunday from one of his captors and the Afghan intelligence agents working to free him.

Oblivious of the purpose of propaganda, Fox 5 didn’t see the dangers in repeating whatever the Haqqanis told them. They didn’t figure the Taliban would have any reason to lie about this friendly Bergdahl. So now a sizable segment of the American population believes that Bowe deserted the Army to show the Taliban how to blow up Americans.

Don’t you believe it. Though it’s the latest media splash about Bowe, it’s unlikely to be true. Thanks to Roger Ailes, Bergdahl may currently look like some traitor. But in the hands of the Taliban, I’m betting he’s still a red-blooded American and a loyal soldier. The enemy knows better.


Newt Gingrich’s Electromagnetic Pulse Fetish

Newt Gingrich knows something we don’t know. Oh hell, let’s just say it: Newt knows about 100 times more than we’ll ever know. Probably a thousand times more than everything I ever knew multiplied by a zillion.

Here’s a thing: a nuclear electromagnetic pulse (EMP) attack will kill you. Probably soon. Watch the first minute of this clip and take some notes. Then you may find it practical to launch an attack on North Korea before they fritz your ham radio:

North Korea could launch 3 nuclear missiles and completely wipe out our electrical grid? Send us back to a pre-industrial era? Krishna no, don’t be silly.

North Korea could launch just one missile and it would send us back 300 to 400 years. And kill 90% of us within a year. That’s the prediction of that ‘expert,’ Newt Gingrich’s co-author and good friend William Forstchen:

Turns out Russia could lob a dozen nukes at us and kill millions, but most of us would survive. We’d also still be a modern country. But if, say, Iran launches a single, small nuclear-tipped missile from a boat in the Atlantic and detonates it 200 miles up in the atmosphere, most of us will die before Christmas 2013. Oh, and America will become Latvia cerca 1700-something.

My. Conservative experts on national security everywhere play up this scenario frequently. Here’s the President of the Center for Security Policy, Frank Gaffney:

The Heritage Foundation:

In 33 minutes or less, life as we know it in America could end. That’s how long it would take for an enemy ballistic missile launched from the other side of the world to hit the United States. If it carried and detonated a nuclear weapon high over the center of the country, the electromagnetic pulse (EMP) would literally fry the nation’s electrical grid and all of the circuitry that powers our homes, businesses, hospitals, phones, cars, planes, traffic lights, ATMs, water supplies, and anything else not “hardened” against such attacks. The EMP Commission chairman has testified that, within just one year of such an attack, 70 percent to 90 percent of Americans would be dead from starvation and disease.

Heavens, we’re about to die.

There really once was an EMP Commission. They were tasked with figuring out how substantial a threat the EMP from a nuclear explosion might be. The commission produced reports in 2004 (here) and in 2008 (here) and written testimony before the House Armed Services Committee (here).

They predicted the deaths of all but a few Americans? No, they produced plenty of dry boring analysis but no evidence that all but 30 million of us could be slaughtered with a single bomb. Not that that matters, of course. Because the threat of an impending sky-holocaust is simply too wonderful for the right-wing fear and book merchants to let alone. So, we get this.

From what I gather, the popular proof of your approaching death came from a Newsmax article. A reporter named Kenneth Timmerman, attending a meeting of missile defense hawks at The Claremont Institute, heard a talk by the EMP Commission’s chair, Dr. William Graham. Unable to discern the difference between Graham speaking in simpatico to his whacko friends and Graham testifying under oath to Congress, Timmerman became confused. In his sober post titled “U.S. Intel: Iran Plans Nuclear Strike on U.S.,” he reported:

In testimony before the House Armed Services Committee and in remarks to a private conference on missile defense over the weekend hosted by the Claremont Institute, Dr. William Graham warned that the U.S. intelligence community “doesn’t have a story” to explain the recent Iranian tests.

Timmerman was never aware of Graham’s actual testimony. Obviously. But if Graham is saying stuff at the conference, surely he said the same things to Congress, right? Congress has slightly higher standards for shiny intellectualism and honesty, but they’re partisan. And so everything Graham lectured about at The Claremont Institute became the Commission’s report to Congress. Like this:

“If even a crude nuclear weapon were detonated anywhere between 40 kilometers to 400 kilometers above the earth, in a split-second it would generate an electro-magnetic pulse [EMP] that would cripple military and civilian communications, power, transportation, water, food, and other infrastructure,” the report warned.

No, Graham warned. Yes, that’s somewhat what the report said, but the words are Graham’s. And thus, this . .

Asked just how many Americans would die if Iran were to launch the EMP attack it appears to be preparing, Graham gave a chilling reply.

“You have to go back into the 1800s to look at the size of population” that could survive in a nation deprived of mechanized agriculture, transportation, power, water, and communication.

“I’d have to say that 70 to 90 percent of the population would not be sustainable after this kind of attack,” he said.

. . Graham’s own runaway comments became the Heritage Foundation’s “The EMP Commission chairman has testified . . ” Now the League of Doom predicts you’ll die of starvation once Iran manages to buy a fishing trawler. Of course, Newt Gingrich’s stagecraft morality leans to educating the media. And this, friends, is why we call some people “wingnuts.”

And what about this EMP? Is it dangerous? I don’t know, I really didn’t feel like blowing more hours than I already had producing a flawless debunk. But I do know this: plenty of nuclear bombs have been detonated above ground without sending countries 1000 miles away into permanent decline. From the commission’s own 2004 report:

In [1962], the Soviets executed a series of nuclear detonations in which they exploded 300 kiloton weapons at approximately 300, 150, and 60 kilometers above their test site in South Central Asia. They report that on each shot they observed damage to overhead and underground buried cables at distances of 600 kilometers. They also observed surge arrestor burnout, spark-gap breakdown, blown fuses, and power supply breakdowns.

While interesting, we also note that the Soviet Union survived. And it did so without being thrown even further back into the Dark Ages. Now I congratulate myself: I have waited the entire post to remind the loons that electrical grids have been around 130 years. Silly people. Also: we have, for some time, been concerned with our enemies lobbing nuclear missiles at us because they could come down. There’s a whole system in place for tracking incoming strikes, launching lightning counter-attacks, and turning countries into craters.


Grampa World Net exposes army’s baboon sluts

For your contemplation, gentle reader:

tee hee! Les Kinsolving is a lunatic. Jay Carney was having fun by calling on him.

ADD: In all seriousness

“Kinsolving is the second in seniority in the White House Press Corps, and is treated with utter disrespect by this creep Carney and the other clown before him, Robert Fibbs. Carney, in fact, has not called on Kinsolving since he asked a question in August on whether Hillary would replace Obama in 2012.

Meanwhile, in liberal Hollywood, reports of pedophilia possibly being an epidemic there are emerging…”


Now Newt needs a wheelbarrow for his balls

First, the nomination’s fling with Donald Trump. Then Michele Bachmann copped a feel or two. Rick Perry looked a ‘Texas McDreamy’ for all the world, but he opened his mouth. Herman Cain shoved m’lady’s head in his crotch and that was that. She scores a little X over at Ron Paul’s on the weekends, but that’s all. And lo there stands Mitt Romney, arms folded, outside her door. Waiting.

But there’s just no talking to her. She happens to be in love with Newt . .

November 30, 2011
Gingrich up big in Florida and Montana
Public Policy Polling

Newt Gingrich’s momentum is continuing to build, and he now leads Mitt Romney by over 25 points in both Florida and Montana.

In Florida Gingrich is at 47% to 17% for Romney, 15% for Herman Cain, 5% for Ron Paul, 4% for Michele Bachmann, 3% for Jon Huntsman, 2% for Rick Perry, 1% for Rick Santorum, and 0% for Gary Johnson.

That’s not remarkable. It’s insane. How the hell did he do it? I’ve written too much about Newt the Grifter Dumbass already, so I won’t go there again. I won’t re-hash his endless deception. Instead, I’ll offer a quick psycho-sexual sketch.

For whatever latent reason, it just now occurred to Republicans he’s the only real man in the bunch. Call it ‘White Wiener and the 7 Snausages.’ The swelling of Newt’s chances has come as a result of the gerrymandered sexual circuits that complicate conservatives’ political cognition. In the tangle of neural wingnuttia, visceral rage and outward divisiveness are signs of competitition and sexual domination. Or, in jargon even the National Review can understand: Newt acts a stud. And ‘stud’ they’re always interested in.

Mr. Frosted Puff is a man because he’s willing to look an audience in the eye and cut Americans to pieces. And it’s time someone did! When you’re a know-nothing rube, that’s pretty exciting stuff. Just watch. Newton shifts his girth toward the podium, lowers his jaw, then his brow, and delivers a load . .

“We have to decide we’re going to replace the left.”

Your BVDs getting any tighter, Biff? Sure they are. Anybody think for a second Mitt The Pussy would say that? Never. How about this:

“Really poor children in really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works . . They have no habit of ‘I do this and you give me cash’ unless it’s illegal.”

Have Herman Cain’s balls ever been that big? In his misstresses’ dreams.

You can count on Newt the Buck rocking your every hot button from here to the White House. That’s the sort of stamina that makes Conservatives swoon. So congratulations, Nomination, it’s true love.

Fire away lard butt!

. . if you want to put people in jail . . start with Barney Frank and Chris Dodd.

Barney, the wuss homo? God damn, that is beautiful.


San Fernando Mayor Hernandez announces to city council (and his wife) he’s having an affair

This guy will go down in some very nasty Hall of Fame:

Thursday, November 23, 2011
San Fernando Mayor Mario Hernandez Admits Affair with Councilwoman Maribel De La Torre
Diana Martinez | San Fernando Sun

. . With his wife, Anna, sitting in the front row, Mayor Mario Hernandez, for whatever reason, decided Monday night was the night to formally announce that he lost his business, and filed personal and corporate bankruptcy. “And secondly,” Mayor Hernandez said, “I’d like to put out there, ‘to squash the rumors,’ that yes, I have been in a relationship with Councilwoman (Maribel) De La Torre.”

Someone should lend the Mayor a dictionary because you don’t “squash” a rumor by confirming that it is true.

What did the wife do? What can anyone do?

How heartless can Hernandez be to make a public announcement, on city time no less, with his wife staring him in the face? Actually, what happened next answered that question.

The aggrieved wife bravely stood up and said, “That’s why I’m here….” Mayor Hernandez retorted, “Yes, I know” as she continued to try to speak, saying “I’m his wife…we weren’t separated.”

Hernandez used his Mayor’s platform to tell Lt. Jeff Eley (acting Chief of Police) to prevent his wife from talking as residents gasped, and he went so far as to ask to have her escorted out of chambers. As those in the chamber audibly reacted, Lt. Eley said there “was a process” and the Mayor had the floor.

. . and the Chief of Police escorted her from the meeting.


Megan loves her whirly-spoons: quod erat demonstrandum

So I’m walking down the street. And then all of a sudden, I can’t move. I’m stuck.

BOOK REVIEW: Saturday, November 26, 2011
Spend It or Save It?
Megan McArdle | Wall Street Journal

A few months ago, I became the proud, and slightly sheepish, owner of what must be the world’s most expensive food processor. The Thermomix costs about $1,500.

Anyway, I was like . . what happened? I can’t move.

It not only chops the food but weighs the ingredients and cooks them for you while stirring constantly. Perfect hollandaise and flawless béchamel can be produced in minutes with virtually no effort.

So I thought I’d open my eyes. But wouldn’t you know it? I couldn’t see.

After seeing one last summer in the home of a friend, I promised myself one if I completed a particularly large and time-consuming research project. By the time I did, I was no longer sure that I wanted to spend the price of a good chair or a bad car on a kitchen-counter appliance.

So I can’t move, and it’s pitch black. What a mess. No idea what to do.

But I went ahead and ordered one. However guilty the pleasure, I couldn’t resist the joy of the long-planned splurge.

Then I heard this voice. ‘Turn around, genius.’

Nor, it seems, can any of my countrymen. For decades, Americans have wallowed in credit, shunned savings and . .

So I turned around. Sidewalk! Wow. I managed a couple steps, and then I turned around again. There it was!

. . all this profligacy supports a rather vibrant cottage industry in polemics . .

A bus. I walked into the side of a bus. It happens. Where was I?


Oakland cops are assholes

A You Tube user by the name of ‘antiprocon’ uploaded this video yesterday.

“While filming a police line at Occupy Oakland after midnight on Nov. 3 following the Nov. 2 general strike, an officer opens fire and shoots me with a rubber bullet. I was standing well back. There was no violence or confrontations of any kind underway. At 0:31 seconds you can see a tall officer in the front raise his weapon and then fire. This is the full clip of the incident.”

The city needs to fire this cop (they won’t). They’re cheering at Fox News.


Exactly what I needed: Christian advice on masturbation

Seattle pastor Mark Driscoll has some pithy advice for internet droolers (me). In his manifesto “Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men,” Driscoll tackles one of the problems particularly afflicting our Christian friends: shame about masturbation. Heh, very funny. Improper guilt. Hmm. Feeling that you’re a freak. *sigh*

Anyway, in the 15-part publication . .

. . yikes!

Okay, this will not go well. I’m guessing Mark doesn’t come down on the side of self-satisfaction.

Question #1 –
–Can you masturbate without lusting (Job 31:1)?

Question #2 –
–Can you masturbate in a way that builds oneness with your spouse, pulling you together more intimately through the act (Gen. 2:24)?

Question #3 –
–Can you masturbate without experiencing shame (Gen. 2:24)?

Question #4 –
–Can you masturbate with a clear conscience (Titus 1:15)?

Question #5 –
–Can you masturbate without capitulating to the cravings of your sinful desires and thoughts (Eph. 2:3)?

No, maybe, yes, yes, no. Did I get an “A”? I assume those are the right answers. I guess there are others possible, maybe with regard to number 2.

First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.

Good lord, if I’m not married and I masturbate — I’m queer? It’s even gayer if I watch myself? Golly, good thing I do it with my eyes closed. Well, I don’t actually close them, I wear sunglasses. Special ones, mirrored on the insides of the lenses, so I can watch my watching. And my shower’s mirrored, too, Yes, the ceiling. Actually, my whole tiny apartment is like that, and my favorite rubber suit is finished in mylar. My mansion, frequently, is an infinity fun house of masturbating thousands.

Second, masturbation is a form of monosexuality because it is sex that does not include another person. Since sex is given for such purposes as oneness (Gen. 2:24), intimate knowledge (Gen. 4:1), and comfort (2 Sam. 12:24), having sex with oneself seems to miss some of the significant biblical reasons for sexual intimacy.

Now we’re talking. I’ve been aiming afield of “biblical reasons” to do pretty much anything and apparently hitting the bullseyes. Though the numbers part of this argument is a bit confusing, and shrinking. Am I a hemisexual? A digi-porn cipher? Go on, you can tell me. Unless I’m some diaphanous Unicorn Nebula, earless and horny across the galaxy. Very possible.

Third, masturbation is often done in haste because of the mortifying embarrassment of possibly getting caught in the act. Subsequently, masturbation encourages a man to become a notorious minute-man who will not be well skilled in the self-control necessary to satisfy a wife.


Fourth, masturbation can establish a pattern of laziness. If a single man wants to have an orgasm, he needs to first become a man and undergo the hard work of courting and marrying a woman. If a married man wants to have an orgasm, he needs to first undergo the hard work of loving, leading, and romancing his wife. But, lazy men are prone to rub one out in the shower each morning rather than undergo the labors usually associated with responsible masculine married life.

Toodles, I’m gay.


Victims of the Catholic Church’s stealing and selling of Spanish babies

With proper attention being paid to a shocking BBC Two documentary, the suddenly exposed truth of what went on in Spain between 1940 and 1990 hit many of us like a bombshell. Reading articles on tonight’s debut broadcast, I couldn’t believe it: the Catholic Church had stolen and sold up to 300,000 babies.

Today, BBC news continued to tell the story:

Spain’s stolen babies and the families who lived a lie
By Katya Adler | BBC News, Spain

I first met Manoli Pagador in Getafe, in a working-class suburb of Madrid. She was attending a meeting for people affected by the scandal Spaniards call “ninos robados” – stolen children. She has three daughters and lots of grandchildren, but she has never got over the loss of her first-born – a son – nearly 40 years ago.

She had come to think she was crazy for believing he was alive, instead of dead and buried as hospital doctors had told her. “Now,” she said, gripping my hand tightly. “Look around the room at the other women here. All like me. The same background. The same experience. I’m not mad and my family finally believes me.”

In 1971 Manoli, who was 23 at the time and not long married, gave birth to what she was told was a healthy baby boy, but he was immediately taken away for what were called routine tests. Nine interminable hours passed. “Then, a nun, who was also a nurse, coldly informed me that my baby had died,” she says.

They would not let her have her son’s body, nor would they tell her when the funeral would be . .

“Doctors, nuns?” she says, almost in horror. “I couldn’t accuse them of lying. This was Franco’s Spain. A dictatorship. Even now we Spaniards tend not to question authority.”

Manoli’s child was gone. Like so many other children, her son had been stolen and sold to a ‘better’ Catholic family, somewhere else.

The scale of the baby trafficking was unknown until this year, when two men – Antonio Barroso and Juan Luis Moreno, childhood friends from a seaside town near Barcelona – discovered that they had been bought from a nun. Their parents weren’t their real parents, and their life had been built on a lie.

Juan Luis Moreno discovered the truth when the man he had been brought to call “father” was on his deathbed. “He said, ‘I bought you from a priest in Zaragoza’. He said that Antonio had been bought as well.”

The pair were hurt and angry. They say they felt like two dogs that had been bought at a pet shop.

See the article here. I am trying to dig up a source to view the documentary. When I find it, I’ll post it.

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