We Are The World, social conservative edition. The National Review makes a clumsy attempt to convince the bubble blowers that Hollywood is still terribly insulting of them, Real America®.

You wonder how one goes about such a thing? The same way a wingnut argues that Blue States are painfully out of touch with the country. Example: ‘Liberals wanted to make us all gay but they barely got two percent. Ha!’ Like that. Ninety-eight percent of America is exactly like the Red States: No-homo. See? Tidy.

How about attacking Spielberg’s Lincoln? I’d say that’s a bad strategy. The protagonist is well-liked and a Republican after all. Plus he freed the slaves which is currently a hip credential, even in parts of Alabama. But then there’s Steven Spielberg to consider . .

. . one would have to imagine the reaction had the gay community learned that Milk, the biopic about one of the most beloved members of its community, was going to be directed by Clint Eastwood, star Mel Gibson, be based on a book by David Barton, with a screenplay written by Dinesh D’Souza.

Golly. Eastwood the curmudgeon, Gibson the drunk, Barton the fantasist and D’Souza the imbecile. In the hands of those four, Lincoln’s battle with Congress would end up Goonies vs. Superfly. Which, naturally, I’d like to see.

“Sadly, the movie also contains about 40 obscenities and profanities, including four ‘f’ words and more than 10 GDs,” noted MovieGuide, a site that a good number of traditionalists consult before attending movies.

Hollywood could use some movie magic when it comes to its docudramas. Did the Titanic really have to sink? Couldn’t Ray have had a bionic eye? Imagination, people.

Declining to give Lincoln its much-sought-after seal of approval, the influential Dove Foundation also questioned the veracity of the cursing, noting that “the language they feature in the film (and this includes Lincoln cursing as well) does not line up with the morals and language of the time period.”

When the Dear Abbys at the . . uh let’s see . . right the Dove Foundation pinch their noses at you, you’re in for it. This probably means Spielberg’s an Oscar shoo-in for everything, Best Underpants included. The Coodle-oo Institute might want to reconsider the argument that our slave era was a more moral time than today. Really.

. . they surely cost Lincoln some amount of foot traffic, if a 48-year-old named Leigh who posted her concerns at Christian Answers is any indication:

“I refuse to pay for and go to a movie where God’s name is taken in vain. There are numerous Web sites out there which will tell you positive and negative aspects of a movie, so that you don’t unknowingly subject yourself or your family to movie content that all Christians should refuse to be a part of.”

He saved a nation, he freed millions of people, and these are of some little good. BUT HE SAID DAMN. Which is like watching Christ take a scud to the groin. No wonder they shot Abe’s melon. Hark! It’s Tim Allen in Santa Claws: Unleashed . .

The 79 percent of Americans who, according to Gallup, make up the center-right majority of the nation are showing their displeasure with Lincoln by voting with their feet and asking important questions: Why would moviegoers shell out money to see a picture that seems to intentionally offend their core values?

The Greatest American Who Ever Lived is an insult to these fusspots. Credits please.

“How would Lincoln vote in the 2012 election?” The right Reverend Michael Bresciani blogs this at Renew America. It is something he’d like to know. Not really, oh gee, the title’s a ruse. Michael already knows all about the Gentle Man with the Terrycloth Hands from the days when Folks Sat Around Playing Solitaire In Chains.

Any normal school student could research and find the heart of the Lincoln administration and of Lincoln himself, in very short time . . Only a cursory comparison of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Obama would force any discerning mind to a singular conclusion. One President was the great unifier and the other is the great divider.

I am no expert on Abraham Lincoln. I am hesitant to criticize. But there’s just, well, something about Michael’s argument. Something out of kilter. What is it?

Barack Obama has managed to set brother against brother, women against men and the rich against the poor.

Not sure what it is. Maybe you guys can see it. The devil if I can figure it out.

He has, with the help of the democratically controlled senate and Harry Reid managed to pit the senate against the congress. He has strangled bi-partisan political cooperation to the point of death.

…strange-looking president. Perfect opposition. Howls of victimization. Hysterical rage…

Creating warfare among citizen groups, sectors and individuals has been the hallmark of Barack Obama’s administration. This is hard to understand in view of the fact Obama has stated both that he would like to be a president like Lincoln . .

NOPE. There it goes, lost it. Damn. It was, like, right there and then it was *poof*.

Once again, it’s Sarah Palin. Who is this person? Why does she act this way? Because she wants to lead this nation? Really? Don’t we give that job to smart people? Sarah’s hubris and The ‘Tale of Two Americas’ continue. It’s their “Isn’t she terrific?” vs. our “Keep dancing, you little monkeys!”

Michael Bresciani says Sarah Palin should be President of the United States, hooray! Okay. Let’s glean how the victory happened. Let’s find out why morons can run the tables on the American electorate. Let’s trace back the roots of our second Civil War:

7 reasons America needs Sarah Palin in 2012
By Michael Bresciani | Renew America | January 29, 2011

With this in mind we can start a general perusal of why Sarah Palin is the best possible candidate to become President of these United States in 2012.

1. The simplest howbeit most important reason Sarah Palin is the best choice for President in 2012 is because she is not Barack Obama.

So there’s only one person who isn’t “the best choice for President in 2012″? I wish I could be this funny.

3. Although it could easily be misconstrued on the most fundamental level Sarah will make a good candidate on her appearance. She is a lovely person that for many typifies the classic beauty of the American Woman. In a world where appearance counts for much she has it all. She is beautiful, well poised and dignified at all times.

Here she is, Lady Classic. Poised and dignified:

And spunky! She’s the entire package, if it’s a package full of cheap Barbie knock-offs that skree like crows. Don’t throw it in the trash, it’ll drive the rats back under your house.

5. Sarah Palin is well endowed with what we know as character and integrity. It is that stuff that Americans used to be satisfied with in our leaders even if they weren’t the sharpest tool in the shed. The most beloved President in our history, Abraham Lincoln had almost no education at all but no one has yet come near to the amazing Presidency, life and legacy he left to posterity.

Dance, Michael! C’mon, was Abe really all that smart? This is fun. Dumb Abraham Lincoln vs. Smart Sarah Barracuda, this will be an even match. If, by ‘even,’ you mean *SPLA-GROOOH*, or whatever noise a tank makes when it rolls over a soggy raisin.

Stupid Great Emancipator:

Brilliant With Bodacious Ta’s:

Only one whole sentence from Sarah? Is that fair? Yes, also.

We have heard the pompous declare that Sarah may not be intelligent enough to hold up the Presidency to a high standard. The best answer to that is Barack Obama. Here we have a superbly educated man that has led the nation to the brink of bankruptcy, the highest jobless rate and earned the title of being the head of the most corrupt administration in U.S. History. So much for intelligence!

Yay stupid people! That Barack guy’s pretty smart, but now’s the ever “highest jobless rate,” and he got titled in American History! The subject! Whaddya mean The Plague wasn’t his fault? Sa-RAH! OW! Sa-RAH! Sa-RAH!

Anyone with a nickels worth of intelligence knows that our Presidents don’t run the office alone. The cabinet and staff are a major part of any single President’s success. Palin can be trusted to surround herself with the very best and that is the best we can hope for. In case you’re one of the few who have not read Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” let me reiterate one of the most important examples in that great book.

Yes, dancing! Dance away!

When Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company was dragged before the courts to relieve him of his position as CEO over one of the nation’s biggest corporations it was his lack of education or intelligence that was the primary charge leveled against him. When Ford was asked dozens of questions in common math problems, science, history and literature he could answer almost none of them. Then he asked the question to the court of why he should have to know those things when he had a desk full of buttons that could summon experts in every field; the case was instantly thrown out of court.

I can’t believe I’m about to google this. I guess I’ll type “that time that Henry Ford had to go to court and prove he wasn’t dumb as a slug of spider eggs” . . *clackety* Says here Ford suffered a series of strokes in the late 30′s that rendered him senile. So, no, the pioneer of modern factory mechanization wasn’t as dumb as Palin. But someone is. Gootchey goo!

I along with millions of American would be willing to bet our last dollar that Sarah Palin will be surrounded with the cream of the crop, the best of the best and when she needs to grasp a situation, will be advised by the tops in any field of polity and policy; that’s intelligence.

She probably has smart friends! If she lapses into a coma, we could take over the world! That’s it, I’m done.

What a horrible tragedy. So many shattered lives, so much pain.

Now that we’ve seen what a mentally ill man with delusions about government victimization can do, wouldn’t it be a good idea to improve the tone of our political rhetoric?

Let’s not claim the President wants to burn us: “President Obama — why don’t you just set us on fire?” Let’s not say the government aims to smash us: “Our government wants to stir the pot so they can use the iron fist and crush people.” Let’s not pretend to kill the Speaker of the House: “You gonna drink your wine? I want you to drink it now. Drink it. By the way, I put poison in your . . “

. . and that’s only a couple months of one guy, Glenn Beck. And when we point out that Sarah Palin has been using “bullet politics” to score cheap points, don’t spit in our stupid faces:

[REBECCA] MANSOUR: I just want to clarify again, and maybe it wasn’t done on the record enough by us when this came out, the graphic, is just, it’s basically — we never, ever, ever intended it to be gunsights. It was simply crosshairs like you see on maps.

[TAMMY] BRUCE: Well, it’s a surveyor’s symbol. It’s a surveyor’s symbol.

MANSOUR: It’s a surveyor’s symbol. I just want to say this, Tammy, if I can. This graphic was done, not even done in house — we had a political graphics professional who did this for us.

I remind Rebecca and Tammy:

And after a tragedy where a congresswoman is targeted and shot through the head, and six others are now dead, don’t tell everyone to shut up:

[LAMAR] ALEXANDER: Well, Candy, I think you’re responsible, by bringing this up, of doing the very thing you’re trying to condemn. You’re making and implying a direct connection between Sarah Palin and what happened. You’re picking out a particular incident. Well, I think the way to get away from it is for you not to be talking about it.

This country has a long history of horrible, brutal political killings. Abraham Lincoln, shot in the head. John F. Kennedy, shot in the head. Robert Kennedy, shot in the head. Martin Luther King jr., shot in the head. How anyone could’ve ignored or forgotten this, I don’t understand.

Well, it’s happened again. Sarah Palin is a reckless fool for having produced and pimped such a shallow political stunt. A classier person would have acknowledged it and apologized by now.

ADD: Glenn Reynolds, exhibit #1A in the trial of discursive disgrace:

The Arizona Tragedy and the Politics of Blood Libel
GLENN HARLAN REYNOLDS | Jan 10 2011 | Wall Street Journal

Shortly after November’s electoral defeat for the Democrats, pollster Mark Penn appeared on Chris Matthews’s TV show and remarked that what President Obama needed to reconnect with the American people was another Oklahoma City bombing. To judge from the reaction to Saturday’s tragic shootings in Arizona, many on the left (and in the press) agree, and for a while hoped that Jared Lee Loughner’s killing spree might fill the bill.

Yes, we’ve all been praying for a spree killing. A mass murder, or maybe a politically motivated serial killer — we need something that we can work with to reconnect our president with the American people. Anything with a large body count and witnesses permanently scarred would be nice. I more politically than personally rejoice over all the blood and brain matter spilled.

Good use of “Blood Libel”, incidentally, where Jews were murdered in suspicious retaliation for killing children to make Passover bread. You’d be one of those Jews, right, Glenn? You picked a convenient time to stand in for the wounded Jewish congresswoman. The discourse continues to improve.

ADD 2: Meanwhile, on Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, they’ve got editors working overtime scrubbing any mention of her “hit map” from the comments section. However, a comment that said the death of nine year old Christina Green was “ok” was saved:

“It’s ok. Christina Taylor Green was probably going to end up a left wing bleeding heart liberal anyway. Hey, as ‘they’ say, what would you do if you had the chance to kill Hitler as a kid? Exactly.”

Read the post at Obama London.

150 years later, these idiots still can’t grasp reality?

At Charleston’s Secession Ball, divided opinions on the spirit of S.C.
By Manuel Roig-Franzia | Washington Post | December 22, 2010

. . “We are very proud of who we are,” said Chip Limehouse, a South Carolina legislator who rented a historically accurate suit and vest for the formal ball celebrating the anniversary. “This is in our DNA.”

Great-great-great-granddad fought the Yankees, lost his plantation, was bathed in glory, the men and women at the ball like to say. They’re proud of their ancestors, they declare, and that’s why they paid $100 apiece to take part in an event touted as a “joyous night of music, dancing, food and drink.”

600,000 fatalities because we defended genocide. And now, a toast.

Someone in the audience yelled “You’re a liar” when Riley told the crowd that South Carolinians were motivated to secede, in part, by a desire to preserve slavery. Riley has invited President Obama to narrate portions of Abraham Lincoln’s greatest speeches in an observance of the firing on Fort Sumter; it’s unclear whether he will accept.

It’s similarly unclear whether he will participate in a re-enacted lynching. Or whether he will sign an executive order tearing the nation to bits, just for a few minutes. Or command the Army to burn Atlanta to the ground. Some commemorations should be historically accurate?

“Impeach,” one of the actors called out. Lincoln and the North were responsible for “vulgar tyranny,” the actors said. A narrator intoned that the 169 South Carolina men who voted unanimously to secede were “compelled by the same sublime courage” as the men who fought against Britain in the Revolutionary War the century before. Slavery was mentioned, but the main reasons for secession were portrayed as high tariffs and Northern states using Southern tax money to build their own infrastructure.

Slavery had nothing to do with it: this madness is the South’s latest veneer of bullshit. Their ancestors couldn’t be homicidal because they were men of virtue, in mind and character. True, blue-blooded Americans, they were unmatched in uncounted ways, incapable of the imprisonment, torture and slaughter of thousands.

Slavery was really nothing more than background noise, like the hum of machines in a factory. Hummm-hummmm buzzzz-buzzzzz I CAN”T HEAR YOU. Nobody got wound up about this hocus-pocus in the face of abolition.

The rest of us, we snotty Americans with our hysteria, and our Historians, and our Black friends who tell us about their ancestors, don’t know anything about actual Southern society and its ways. We just invoke a ridiculous drama to satisfy our bleeding hearts.

And here’s the proof: after the Civil War, did you really see Southerners take any notice? Did you see them vilify or accost these former ‘slaves’? Form groups to oppose them? Run them out of their towns? Did anyone go out of their way to cause them harm?

Of course not. Slavery was invisible to the Southern gentleman. He would look at the laborers on his plantation, the people who provided him the vast majority of his wealth, and ask himself “What the hell are those people doing on my property?”

The Civil War was really about complicated Northern/Southern power politics. And I’m not going to go any further into it because you’re frankly too stupid to understand.

John B. Hines, a wealthy Texas oilman and cattle rancher, helped, too. He sent a $5,000 sponsorship for the affair because he loves the Old South: “They created a society far and above anything else on Earth.”

Far and above the abolitionists, surely.

“They make more money off of race than any slave trader ever. It’s time groups like the NAACP went to the trash heap of history where they belong with all the other vile racist groups that emerged in our history…”

“. . I am disinclined to take lectures on racial sensitivity from a group that insists on calling black people, ‘Colored.’”

“Dear Mr. Lincoln

Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew
NAACP Head Colored Person”

Prancing ballerinas in the Marine Corps! Tryin’ to talcum yer artillery? Perfume yer grenades? Dainty yer foxhole? NO! Can’t have ‘em makin’ googly eyes at the Iranians, sending them XOXO kisses in the mail! We can’t tell them to rush into battle, have ‘em whip off their uniforms and wag their wieners at the North Koreans!

Mocking! Sassing!? GIGGLING?! In THE ARMY? NO!

Can’t have ‘em fixin’ their buddies hair! Wipin’ the greasepaint off their faces! Complainin’ about the heat! Can’t have ‘em rolling onto their backs at the sound of gunfire, begging to be mounted! LA LA LA LA BAYONET ME!?

SO BIZARRE, his tossing off the “bipartisan cap” after running headlong into “intractable opposition from Republicans.”

Better Presidents, especially Republicans, never behave so unpredictably.

The Greatest Republican of them all, Abraham Lincoln, for instance, was the exact opposite. This is straight out of ‘D00d’s American Guide To Total History’:

South Carolina was like . . “Dude — you got elected?! Tssh, we’re outta here.”

And, so, Abraham was like . . “Aww, man, don’t go.”

And South Carolina was like . . “Ballz. We are gone.”

And, so, Abraham was like . . “C’mon, man, please stay.”

And South Carolina was like . . “Yeh, I don’t think so. It’s war.”

And, so, Abraham was like . . “Awww maan.”

And right there, hammer-struck with intractable opposition, he cleverly gave in, thankfully preserving a genocide The Negroes still call “slavery” the end.

Turns out there are a lot fewer than I thought, given the GOP.com site promises I get to ‘see them all’. A grand total of 18.

Well, since there are so few, heck, even liberal me could probably come up with most of them.

How about the Presidents? Hey, turns out there are exactly 18, that must be it: Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James Garfield, Chester A. Arthur, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, Theodore Roosevelt, William H. Taft, Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert C. Hoover, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Richard M. Nixon, Gerald R. Ford, Ronald W. Reagan, George Herbert Walker Bush, George Walker Bush.

Err, NOPE, not even close. Only three of those are included in the list: Lincoln, Eisenhower and Reagan. A guy on Mount Rushmore, Teddy Roosevelt, didn’t rate.

Wow, who the hell could beat Roosevelt to the ‘HEROES’ list? Adam Smith? Ayn Rand? Barry Goldwater? Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter? Oh, wait–Jesus H. Christ, maybe? Nah, c’mon, don’t be so dense…


Frederick Douglass, of course.

And Octavius Catto, [wikipedia] natch: “African American educator, intellectual, and civil rights activist.”

Joseph Rainey, “…the first African American person to serve in the United States House of Representatives.”

Dr. José Celso Barbosa. “‘The father of the Statehood for Puerto Rico movement’, Barbosa was also the first Puerto Rican with an American (United States) medical degree.”

Abolitionist John Langston “was the first African American elected to the U.S. Congress from Virginia.”

Hiram Revels, “the first African American to serve in the United States Senate.”

Edward Brooke, “the first African American to be elected by popular vote to the United States Senate.”

And finally, let’s not forget our featured website player…the great, the one and only……OH NO! No, it can‘t be.

A great HEROIC REPUBLICAN like him, and they can’t even get his name right, right there on the link. Pinckney Pinchback. Don’t know how that could have happened.

“…the first non-white and first person of African American descent to become governor of a U.S. state. A Republican, he served as the governor of Louisiana for 35 days, from December 9, 1872, to January 13, 1873.

Nicholas Lemann, in Redemption: The Last Battle of the Civil War, described Pinchback as ‘an outsized figure: newspaper publisher, gambler, orator, speculator, dandy, mountebank – served for a few months as the state’s Governor and claimed seats in both houses of Congress following disputed elections but could not persuade the members of either to seat him.’”

An heroic Republican, to be sure. Arguably greater than the President, U.S. Grant.

I wonder why all the above images, except the Langston pic, were merely copied directly from their Wikipedia pages. I’d have figured many of these stalwart Republican families would have proudly rendered to their beloved GOP images of their pioneering forefathers years ago. You know, for all those glorious gushing publications, trophies, and awards lo these many decades.

Here, here’s the link, maybe you can figure it out. Incidentally, upon arriving amongst the greats, the first pictured HERO you will see there, you might say ‘Wait–is that…?’ Yes it is:

Susan B. Anthony.

————————————————————————————————————————————–
ADD: The Quick and the Red:

–JenJen finds the heroic cluelessness continues.

–digitalprophet11 reinterprets the GOP’s wayward website:

They’re number one.