The breakfast bunch at Fox News decided to toss the tragic killing of teen Trayvon Martin around this morning. Hey, no wonder the other networks have been doing it — this is fun.

Anyway, with mountains of Murdoch’s scratch only bedding silverfish, they figured they could afford a Colored Guy for analysis. Geraldo Rivera threw his Vault Cracker brand detective kit into the back of a Chrysler Asshole, and streaked away.

Thinking hard, he pressed himself:

“What really killed Trayvon Martin? Fox News wants to know. It won’t be good enough for me to say, ‘Racism.’ Or ‘White paranoia.’ That’d be like me telling Wile E. Coyote about ACME gunpowder. I’ll have to give them something else.”

And with that, the legendary TV sleuth set off to re-create the entire murder in his head. The neighborhood watch captain, the police phone call, the warning to leave Trayvon alone, the kid running from the murderous lunatic, the confrontation, the shot ringing out. All of it played out in slow motion in Colored Guy’s movie memory. And that’s when He figured it all out. Wow. He came upon the missing piece of the puzzle: what really killed Trayvon Martin.

Excitedly, Geraldo puttered off to Fox studios. He sat down with the breakfast bunch:

“Geraldo, homie, tell us. What really killed Trayvon Martin?

“I’ll tell you, Brian. What really killed the poor boy was . . his jacket.”

“I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was. When you see a kid walking down the street . . People look at you and what’s the instant identification? What’s the instant association? Its crime scene surveillance tapes. Every time you see someone stick up a 7-Eleven, the kid is wearing a hoodie. Every time you see a mugging on a surveillance camera or get the old lady in the alcove, it’s the kid with a hoodie. You have to recognize that this whole stylizing yourself as a gangsta — you’re going to be a gangsta wannabe? Well, people are going to perceive you as a menace. That’s what happens. It is an instant reflexive action.”

Trayvon could have picked a less provocative coat. So both sides are to blame.

“I understand that the reaction might be overzealous or even irrational in some extent, I mean, when you look at the statistics. But you’re not going to rehabilitate the hoodie. Stop wearing it! You know the old Johnny Cash song, ‘Don’t take your gun to town, son. Leave your gun at home.’ There are some things that are almost inevitable.”

Personal responsibility, folks. Now you know.

News: Hank is furious with John Boehner. Because John played golf with Moe Howard, the Adolf. With the country this shape is in? A lotta people didn’t like that.

If you live in a town where people like Hank are walking around, I feel sorry for you.

They report. You point and laugh.

. . but here’s my thing: you gotta make up some rules. Because you could have jetpacks flying into choppers.

There are only 10,000 cops in Los Angeles. So I suppose everybody gets to take their service jetpacks home at night. And a billion dollars? That’s the yearly LAPD budget.

I’m disappointed to say I haven’t yet laughed at this clip because these people are so stupid that it depresses me a little. Has anybody in a helicopter ever made an arrest? Have the Crips figured out how to fly?

How did this happen? Because the powers that be at Fox, the producers and writers, read the Weekly World News.

The lily-white Swedes and Finns have ‘pure genes’, but we marry ‘ethnics’ and different ‘species’. White folks are not ‘ethnics’ in America, so the ‘other species’ are exactly the peoples you’d expect Fox would assume to be as much.

Since I’m a genetics guy, I can speak with a little authority on this: If you can interbreed with a group of individuals and produce viable offspring, they’re not a ‘different species.’