Tag Archives: bryan fischer

Bryan Fischer on women soldiers

Bryan Fischer.

America’s daughters should not be sent into combat. Period.

This should be something. Let’s hear it.

Reports from the Marine training base at Parris Island indicate that only 45% of female Marines could throw a hand grenade far enough to keep from blowing themselves up. If you’re in a foxhole with a woman about to toss one of those, you’re not sure whether to treat her as friend or foe.

Dammit woman stop blowing me up. Try throwing some tea cozies or angry glances or whatever. Anything but another one of your suicide-ades.

Men have to do 20 pushups, women just six. Men have to do pull-ups, women just have to hang there for a while. In the obstacle course, a stool is placed in front of an 8-foot wall for our lovelies. But what if the enemy absent-mindedly forgets to set one of those up on the battlefield?

What if the enemy constructed a hair salon? And then the Marines were like “I need a blow dry” and they walked right in but then it was all “Huh? Al Qaeda?”

Female soldiers are twice as likely to suffer leg injuries and nearly five times as likely to suffer fractures as males. The Army gives women an extra three minutes to complete a two-mile run, which, of course, should be no problem.

Women don’t run, Sparky. That’s the way we like it. They’re staying put cuz’ running is for chickens and sack nylons.

Additionally, all of us ought to be concerned about what happens to female soldiers who become POWs in the hands of Muslims . .

What if the enemy did more than torture and kill prisoners? What then?

In recent weeks, the Muslim Brotherhood has actually paid Muslim gangs to sexually assault female Muslim protesters in Tahrir Square. How will the flower of our nation’s womanhood fare in the hands of savages like these?

How about ‘You wanna fuck, Akbar? I’ll fuck you to death. I’m an American, kiss my ass. Okay a little lower – yep, right there.’

There is a persistent but entirely false myth that the Israelis use women in combat. Well, they did. For three weeks. In 1948. And never again.

Their presence in combat, according to [Brian] Mitchell, resulted in a higher casualty count for both sides “Israeli men risked their lives and missions to protect their women, and Arab troops fought more fiercely to avoid the humiliation of being defeated by women” . .

Bottom line: women aren’t designed by God to serve in combat. If you don’t believe me, just ask the Israelis.

Ahem:

Three, two, one . .

UPDATE: even IDF has gone PC on women in combat

Apparently the IDF has gone totally PC on national defense, and the research on which my column yesterday was based, accurate at the time, is now outdated. The IDF was right before, and wrong now, but it looks like they’ll have to figure that out the hard way just like we will.

Ladies have fought in the Israel Defense Forces since 1948. Some day the country will lose a war and we’ll all come to appreciate Bryan’s wisdom.

According to the IDF, “Women…make up 3% of the IDF’s combat soldiers.”

Good luck with all that.

Good luck with your surviving! Good luck when it comes to your army ever doing anything! Good luck should it ever come to battle!

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Todd Akin’s no different than the rest of them

The GOP have been quick with the public relations hand-wringing and furrowing of bald pates after Rep. Todd Akin’s bizarre comments. Over the weekend Akin offered this dodge for the need of an abortion after rape:

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Plenty of Republican bigwigs, including National Review, have called for him to exit his Missouri Senate race. The thinking among the right-wing is that the gender gap among voters, especially after Rush Limbaugh’s sluttening of politics, is sizable and will only grow worse as long as a target like Akin hangs around.

But what about the rest of the wingnuts? What’s the point of exiling your drunken uncle from the family gathering when the whole clan is berserk? Since when are the rest of the Republican intelligentsia above poor stupid Todd Akin?

Take Bryan Fischer for instance. It’s his job to be the stupidest asshole on the internet. Everybody agrees on this, Bryan particularly and proudly. So after he says this, why is he welcome in the GOP?

“What Todd Akin is talking about is when you’ve got a real, genuine rape. A case of forcible rape, a case of assault rape, where a woman has been violated against her will, through the use of physical force, where it is physically traumatic for her,” Fischer said on his radio program.

Not a sort of snuggle-crime. Or an argument over the rules of slap-and-tickle. Really?

“Under those circumstances, the woman’s body — because of the trauma that has been inflicted on her — it may interfere with the normal functioning processes of her body that lead to conception and pregnancy. There’s a very delicate and complex mix of hormones that take place that are released in a woman’s body and if that gets interfered with it may make it impossible for her or difficult in that particular circumstance to conceive a child.”

Bryan’s been important enough a wingnut that virtually any presidential candidate has to kiss his ring before pursuing the evangelical vote. So he’s not going anywhere.

Thus the hypocrisy? Because he’s powerfully insane. He’s got so much of the speaking-in-tongues crowd behind him that he’s allowed to be as brutally insulting and idiotic as he likes. Akin’s equally dumb but he’s only a politician.

Paramount among equals, Chris Loesch. He understands biology, too, and you people have got everything all freaking wrong.

Akin was all “medically correct.” We take this for granted because Twitter warriors are very science. Anybody who gives his life over to shouting in short sentences is likely sensible and carrying an acute background in the molecular mechanics of human biology. If that isn’t true none of his colleagues particularly cares and no one’s more or less upset about anything of current note.

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7 things conservatives now blame for the Aurora shooting

Who’s to blame for the carnage in Aurora, Colorado? It’s complicated. It’s complicated in the sense that there are so very many people and things to blame. It’s a wonder the country gets a decent night’s rest given all the damning Hollywood free-speechifying and deity-insulting the Kardashians and you so publicly enjoy.

We should have all gone the smited way of Atlantis by now, but thanks to whoever keeps the Jesus bolts in their quiver (Billy Graham?), only a few of us were brutally, predictably slaughtered recently. The rest of us remain to take responsibility for whatever the gods and a devil’s bargain (The Enlightenment) hath wrought.

The menu? If you’re Rush Limbaugh, it’s the movie’s fault.

“So Batman in the sixties on TV metastasizes to a sick dystopian, hyper-violent Batman movie in 23 years. Twenty-three years since Batman on TV to the first Batman movie. And the birth of the modern Batman series of films with which the killer in Aurora explicitly identified, by his own admission…”

If you’re Bryan Fischer, it’s the liberals fault.

“. . we’ve tried it the liberals’ way for sixty years now and what do we got? We have massacres in Aurora. 12 people shot dead while they’re watching a movie at midnight.”

If you’re Pastor Jerry Newcombe, it’s the atheists’ fault.

“How do we make sense out of this kind of thing? Why do things like this happen?

I can’t help but feel that to some extent, we’re reaping what we’ve been sowing as a society. We said to God, ‘Get out of the public arena.’ Lawsuit after lawsuit, often by misguided ‘civil libertarians,’ have chased away any fear of God in the land — at least in the hearts of millions.”

If you’re Matt Barber, it’s abortion’s fault.

“Am I comparing this incredibly wicked, illegal mass murder at Aurora’s Century Theatre to the incredibly wicked, legal mass murder committed at Planned Parenthoods across the country each day? Absolutely – and you can quote me on it. . .

We as a nation – as a people – have turned our backs on God. We have rebelled against Him and have forgotten that it was He and He alone who gave us 200-plus years of prosperity, unprecedented in world history.

We have left Him, so why are we surprised He’s leaving us? We have said, “We don’t need you, leave us alone.”

And so He has.”

If you’re Russell Pearce, it’s gun control’s fault.

“Had someone been prepared and armed they could have stopped this ‘bad’ man from most of this tragedy. He was two and three feet away from folks, I understand he had to stop and reload. Where were the men of flight 93????”

If you’re Pastor Rick Warren, it’s evolution’s fault.

If you’re Louie Gohmert, it’s the Constitution’s fault.

“You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of terror like this takes place . .

We have been at war with the very pillars, the very foundation of this country. . . We’ve threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God’s name, they’re going to be jailed … I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.”


BONUS: An eighth thing to take the blame. Or people, to take the blame. If you’re once again Russell Pearce, it’s the victims’ fault.

“Where were the men of flight 93???? Someone should have stopped this man. Someone could have stopped this man. Lives were lost because of a bad man, not because he had a weapon, but because no one was prepared to stop it. Had they been prepared to save their lives or lives of others, lives would have been saved. All that was needed is one Courages/Brave [sic] man prepared mentally or otherwise to stop this it could have been done.”

Just because it’s pitch dark and you’re lying on the ground because you’ve taken a bullet and the shooter is dressed in a black helmet and black body armor from head to toe is no reason to be a coward.

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Bryan Fischer’s Recipe for Bear Wang Meatloaf

Some folks think Americans need a little more ‘Christian’ in their lives. Other folks think Christians needs a little more ‘American’ in their lives. One American thinks grizzly bears are un-Christian and need to die. That’s Bryan Fischer.

Shoot these man-eaters on sight
Bryan Fischer | American Family Association | August 3, 2011

Another human being is dead because of a grizzly bear attack, and hapless humans aren’t doing anything about it. In fact, they are recommending that people in Yellowstone line up to be the next hot lunch.

. . The grizzly, after turning [Brian] Matayoshi into hamburger, went after his wife, lifted her up by her daypack, dropped her on the ground and left, her appetite apparently satisfied by gorging on her husband.

Fischer is so serious a religious figure that Republican candidates call upon him for blessings. Meanwhile his sermons are devotedly hilarious, where slack Buddhists get turned ‘into hamburger.’ Surely Ursatan left some Matayoshi behind as trail mix. Christ, that’s funny.

Which reminds me of a story. Once upon a time Mr. Bear came upon his pal Mr. Rabbit. Mr. Bear said, “Mr. Rabbit, dear friend. Tell me does shit stick to your fur?” Mr. Rabbit said, “Why yes, Mr. Bear. It does.” So, Mr. Bear waved his paw and turned Mr. Rabbit into a double-ply Eucharist wafer. Then he shoved Mr. Rabbit up his ass.

The grizzly, as Lewis & Clark discovered to their shock and awe, is a relentless, savage, virtually unstoppable man-eater.

This the pair discovered after being man-eaten by a virtually unrelentable, stopless savage: The Cancer Lion. Sitting in its irregularly bordered black stomach, waist deep in grizzlies, Lewis turned to Clark and pointed. “Those things are unstoppable.” Clark replied “oooohh,” then dissolved.

Re-enacting their adventures, the two appeared in PBS’s “Clark and Lewis’ Historically Transcontinental Journey”. It bombed. Later, they starred in their own reality show “Lewey + C-Dog Kronikle: 24/7/365,” a spectacle that burned down, rolled over and sank into the swamp. Earlier, a drunken fraternity mascot with an iPhone lit a lion’s fart on fire and it went viral. That’s when Lewis and Clark blew up. Sacagawea laughed, she’d been doing that for years.

Instead of shooting these Jeffrey Dahmers of the animal kingdom, officials in Grand Teton National Park are now prohibiting people in cars from even watching grizzlies if they are less than 100 yards away.

You need a picture of Yogi the Dahmer eating a bear wang popsicle? Noooo.

If it’s a choice between a man and a grizzly bear, the grizzly bear is going down. Let’s get back to Scripture, and spend less time saving grizzlies and more time protecting creatures made in the image of God.

Like us — e.g., Jeffrey Dahmer. The King of the Beasts.

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Bryan Fischer: Homosexuality causes every evil that I can think of

There Bryan Fischer goes, again, ladies and gentlemen. The American Family Association’s gay-obsessed wingnut hangs another merkin of evil on the cock in his brain.

Why, Bryan? What have the bad old gays done now? Felt up some defenseless football players? Mustachio’d Mother Theresa’s Vatican portrait? Pissed in La Fontaine St. Ronnie at your local mall? Whaaaat?

Julian Assange is not the bad guy here — the homosexual soldier is
By Bryan Fischer | Tuesday, December 07, 2010

The out-of-the-mainstream media has [sic] collaboratively kept the focus on the sex criminal, Julian Assange, and off the guy who has committed actual treason, the homosexual soldier Bradley Manning, who sold out his country in what may turn out to be [sic] fit of gay pique . .

Regardless, he is a one-man argument for keeping open homosexuals from serving in the military in the first place . .

TREASON! . . I see. The ‘open homosexuals’ become traitors. The others can DADT-ly serve their country . . . ? Yes?

The absurdity of this is obvious. You want to counterfeit U.S. currency? Fine, we’re okay with it as long as you don’t tell us you’re doing it.

Yes, of course, no, it’s a crime too. Bravo, whacko.

After reading his latest, I laughed, as usual. Gay people caused the WikiLeaks and, so, Goodbye America. Sniff, how did I love thee?

There’s no reason to bother with Bryan, he’s just crazy as a craphouse cricket. But something crossed my mind about him. Is there anything he won’t blame on gay folks? Is there nothing too absurd to tattoo on the pleasant-smelling body politic of The Homos? After a few minutes and some web-checking, the answer is . . NO.

And here we go . .

BRAINWASHING CHILDREN! KILLING THEM!

Now realize that homosexuals cannot reproduce, so they have to recruit; it’s the only way to swell their numbers . .

. . part of the agenda of groups like GLSEN … is to urge students at younger and younger ages to come out of the closet and declare a disordered sexual preference for themselves. so you’ve got sexually confused young people – and again, they’re trying to push this down into kindergarten, they’re trying to get this brainwashing into students of all ages even starting in elementary school . .

So I’m suggesting that adults that pressure these students to declare a disordered sexual preference when they’re too young to know better, that they share some culpability for those that take their life . .

Finally, we come across the mysterious homosexual agenda: “Swell Our Numbers.” Insert classy internet jape . . wherever you like, it’s a free world. Frankly, I’d call pressuring kids into suicide too clever by whole.


SUPPLYING TERRORISTS!

Gay sex = domestic terrorism
by Bryan Fischer | Thursday, June 10, 2010

Some of England’s leading newspapers – The Sun, the Telegraph, the Daily Mail – all had feature stories yesterday about the latest Taliban terror tactic: burying dirty needles with their bombs in an effort to infect troops with HIV. They are planting hypodermic syringes below the surface with the points facing upward in hopes that bomb squad experts will prick themselves and become contaminated with hepatitis and HIV.

If the bomb goes off, then the needles become deadly flying shrapnel. Said a member of Parliament, “Are there no depths to which these people will stoop? This is the definition of a dirty war.” If we connect the dots here, the inescapable conclusion is that gay sex is a form of domestic terrorism.

Bryan apparently engages in an astral projection exchange with the Taliban. He brings them HIV-positive refuse, they allow him to call Afghanistan ‘home.’


WORLD-WIDE EPIDEMICS! CRUSHING DEFICITS!

No more taxpayer funding for AIDS research
By Bryan Fischer | Thursday, December 02, 2010

We know what causes AIDS: homosexual sex and injection drug use. The Centers for Disease Control tell us that of all the males who have been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS since the epidemic started in 1977, 91% contracted it either through having sex with other males or through intravenous drug abuse.

Since we know the cause, we know the cure: stop engaging in homosexual sex and stop shooting up with drugs.

Well, if that’s how the males got it, yeehaw, that’s a real good argument. And only talkin’ ’bout ‘Murrican males, then it’s DOUBLE-DY. Who like ah statistic-go-round? Looks like ‘Murrican AIDS-ey men like drugs and men . . DOE-SEE-DOE! Let the rest of the plagued world burn!


. . getting down to the perfidy nitty gritty:

CRIMINALITY! EVERY ONE OF YOU IN JAIL!

Legal Sanctions for Homosexual Behavior
By Bryan Fischer | Friday, January 29, 2010

. . The bottom line here is that, biblically, those “who practice homosexuality” should come under the purview of the law just as much as those who take people captive in order to sell them into slavery . .

Thank you for contacting us, and I hope this response will help you think in a thorough and biblical way about this important social issue.

Obviously, the danger here is those “who practice homosexuality” might end up being really good at it. That would present all sorts of delicious trouble for Bryan.

Do you sense he sees The Queers as being almost immortal? God-like in their destructive powers? Given to mythic and senseless eyelash batting to rout civilization? No? It’s not like they haven’t tried it before. Or have you forgotten the recent history of the planet, Earth?


YOU INVADED POLAND!

So Hitler himself was an active homosexual . . And Hitler discovered that he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough to carry out his orders, but that homosexual solders basically had no limits and the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict on whomever Hitler sent them after. So he surrounded himself, virtually all of the Stormtroopers, the Browshirts, were male homosexuals.

Hmm, Bryan. You’re trying to get at some point here, but I’m missing it.

Homosexuality, Hitler, and “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
By Bryan Fischer | May 28, 2010

Homosexuality gave us Adolph Hitler, and homosexuals in the military gave us the Brown Shirts, the Nazi war machine and six million dead Jews.

And I, for one, welcome our familiar butt-humping overlords.

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Bryan Fischer: Marines who jump on hand grenades are pussies

Once again, the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer has weighed in on the abysmal state of America. Because gawd knows we can’t go on having soldiers caring for one another’s well-being: watching their backs, covering their flanks, shooting people who’d shoot them, killing people trying to kill them. Christ, what kind of pink-panty military are we creating?

The Feminization of the Medal of Honor
By Bryan Fischer | The Moral Liberal

. . I have noticed a disturbing trend in the awarding of these medals, which few others seem to have recognized.

We have feminized the Medal of Honor.

According to Bill McGurn of the Wall Street Journal, every Medal of Honor awarded during these two conflicts has been awarded for saving life. Not one has been awarded for inflicting casualties on the enemy. Not one.

Is this classic Conservatism, or what? Fuck your friends, fuck your neighbors, fuck your countrymen. Seek out and kill your enemies. That’s what a real man does. And if it kills a few civilians as well, or pollutes the groundwater, or brings down the entire economy, so what? I did a manly job in a manly way, and you can just shut the fuck up about it.

So the question is this: when are we going to start awarding the Medal of Honor once again for soldiers who kill people and break things so our families can sleep safely at night?

I would suggest our culture has become so feminized that we have become squeamish at the thought of the valor that is expressed in killing enemy soldiers through acts of bravery. We know instinctively that we should honor courage, but shy away from honoring courage if it results in the taking of life rather than in just the saving of life. So we find it safe to honor those who throw themselves on a grenade to save their buddies.

DUNHAM, JASON L.

. . Corporal Dunham wrestled the insurgent to the ground and in the ensuing struggle saw the insurgent release a grenade. Corporal Dunham immediately alerted his fellow Marines to the threat. Aware of the imminent danger and without hesitation, Corporal Dunham covered the grenade with his helmet and body, bearing the brunt of the explosion and shielding his Marines from the blast. In an ultimate and selfless act of bravery in which he was mortally wounded, he saved the lives of at least two fellow Marines. By his undaunted courage, intrepid fighting spirit, and unwavering devotion to duty, Corporal Dunham gallantly gave his life for his country, thereby reflecting great credit upon himself and upholding the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service.

Big deal? Naw. If he’d crammed that grenade up the other guy’s ass — now that’d have been American and manly.


McGINNIS, ROSS A.

. . While Private McGinnis was manning the M2 .50-caliber Machine Gun, a fragmentation grenade thrown by an insurgent fell through the gunner’s hatch into the vehicle. Reacting quickly, he yelled “grenade,” allowing all four members of his crew to prepare for the grenade’s blast. Then, rather than leaping from the gunner’s hatch to safety, Private McGinnis made the courageous decision to protect his crew. In a selfless act of bravery, in which he was mortally wounded, Private McGinnis covered the live grenade, pinning it between his body and the vehicle and absorbing most of the explosion. Private McGinnis’ gallant action directly saved four men from certain serious injury or death.

All this caring about the men in your unit, blah blah bleh. Wake me up when he chops off somebody’s head.


You know, we could hang around here in Tora Bora for a while until Osama Bin Laden finally shows up and we take him out, but he’s only one guy. And why should I care about his old victims back home when I’ve got tens of thousands of new people to kill in Iraq? Later, 9/11 dude.

Incidentally, you know who was a real World War Two stud? Col. Paul Tibbets. While flying in the Enola Gay, he pushed a button and dropped an atom bomb on Hiroshima, killing 70,000 people in one day. Now that’s courage.

BTW, what courage has Bryan Fischer ever shown? Like all other tough-guy Conservatives, he bitches and whines all day, every day, about everything he sees. Very manly.

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Hitler didn’t gas the vicious gays because they make the Town’s Brown Troop Soup

“. . so Hitler himself was an active homosexual. And some people wonder, didn’t the Germans, didn’t the Nazis, persecute homosexuals? And it is true they did; they persecuted effeminate homosexuals. But Hitler recruited around him homosexuals to make up his Stormtroopers, they were his enforcers, they were his thugs. And Hitler discovered that he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough to carry out his orders, but that homosexual solders basically had no limits and the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict on whomever Hitler sent them after. So he surrounded himself, virtually all of the Stormtroopers, the Brownshirts, were male homosexuals.”

Ah yes, the gays who fought like hell. For Hitler. Why wouldn’t they?

You know who were even more vicious, even than the gays? The Jews. And then the gay Jews — they were the worst. They fought like hell for Hitler. Why wouldn’t they? So Hitler surrounded himself, virtually all of the Stormtroopers, the Brownshirts, with gay Jews.

Except for the Russians. Like the homicidal ones who routed him right out of Berlin. They were THE WORST. The gay Russian Jews. They fought like hell for Hitler — why wouldn’t they? So Hitler surrounded himself, virtually all of the Stormtroopers, the Brownshirts, with gay Russian Jews.

Except for the freaky-deeky Americans. THEY WERE THE WORST. The gay Ameri-Russo Jews. Talk about vicious. When they came plowing across Europe, shooting or stomping or having sex with everything that moved, hell-bent on cutting Hitler’s head off, sticking it on a pike and kissing it, trying to make it giggle, he wisely made them all Stormshirt Browntroopers. THEY FOUGHT LIKE HELL FOR HITLER WHY WOULDN’T THEY?? So Hitler surrounded himself, virtually all of the Shoop-Shooper Worm-Boopers, with gay Ameri-Jew-Russkis. Gay-Merry-Jew-Rules-Keys. Gay-Marriage-Yer-Brewskis? I Do! You are now free! To tickle Hitler.

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An Obama hater so right-wing he’s somewhere to my left

Harsh words for the President:

So according to President Obama’s own template, the answer to the question, “Why do they hate us?” is easy. They hate us because of you, Mr. President. You’re the one ordering these drone attacks and radically increasing their frequency since you took office. The drone attacks have now surpassed Gitmo as the chief recruiting tool for terrorists. You, Mr. Obama, recruited Shahzad yourself by bombing the homes of his countrymen.

Can’t really argue with that assessment, but it’s pretty much to be expected in a war with terrorists. If it’s the Pakistani Taliban we’re talking about, terrorist exporters and violent local thugs, some and maybe much of the action is justified. But the collateral damage is appalling, granted. Who’s the lefty critic?

Would you believe Bryan Fischer, the ultra-right-wing lunatic? A guy who advocated imprisoning homosexuals?

So case solved. Shahzad tried to bomb Times Square first because of his hatred for George Bush, a hatred constantly inflamed by the loose bloviating of Barack Obama. And, secondly, he tried to bomb Times Square in retaliation for drone attacks on his countrymen ordered by Barack Obama. So we’ve got a tidy little package here. It’s all Barack Hussein Obama’s fault. Obama himself says so without even realizing it.

He started out the post by running his mouth on the new meme: Obama inflamed the ‘liberal’ Pakistani by bashing Bush. Laughably, he extended the inflammation to include Obama’s drone strikes, the real reason, but did so in the guise of “you caused the bombing you bastard” gambit. By doing so, Fischer is painting the Taliban killings as reckless politics as opposed to military actions. It’s a stupefying stance from a guy so right-wing as to be ephemeral. I’d have loved to see him drill George W. Bush for such callow politicking: killing the Taliban.

. . So the president’s position on civil rights appears to be this: you have no rights of any kind except the right to get blown to kingdom come in your own home, unless you’re lucky enough to survive and get captured, in which case we’ll find you the best lawyer taxpayers can buy, you won’t have to say a word, and we won’t even touch you. We will provide you with gourmet halal meals, handle your Korans with white gloves, and let you play soccer in a tropical breeze. We won’t even pour water over your face lest you scream “Torture!” at us.

Bryan is a newborn babe. He’s never seen anything so mystifying a group of behaviors as this ‘War.’

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TERRORISM. You wouldn’t understand, it’s a Muslim thing

May 4, 2010
Times Square another argument for restricting Muslim immigration
By Bryan Fischer

It turns out that the main suspect in the Times Square bombing attempt is a naturalized American citizen of Muslim conviction. Faisal Shahzad, caught trying to flee the country to Dubai for safety, is a one-man argument for radically and rapidly restricting the flow of Muslim immigrants into the U.S.


Totally, absolutely. Deporting them, too. And people who make bombs, outta here. And people who drive, adios. And men. I hate those fucking bastards, get them the fuck out of my country. That bastard Faisal was another one of those bomb-making car-driving Allah-worshiping cock-hangers. Toss ’em all, I say. But what do I know, I’m just a patriot.

The Dubai-bound plane from which he was taken into custody had already left the gate at Kennedy airport, showing how close he came to escaping our clutches.


We’re lucky he didn’t kill the plane. We’d never have found him then. Or the Kennedy airport — WOAH, that would have been weiiiirrrrd. Another one of those Kennedy thingies, ooh, I just got a chill.

Let’s not forget that the bomb Shahzad apparently was responsible for was intended to detonate in front of the headquarters of Viacom, the company that produces the crude and crudely animated Comedy Central staple, “South Park.” Death threats were issued against South Park’s creators after they showed Muhammad getting out of the back of U-Haul trailer in a bear costume. Perhaps the lesson here is that when Muslims make death threats they are to be taken seriously. Theo van Gogh has something to teach us here.


theo van gogh memorialBWAH HA HA THEO VAN GOGH, LOTS OF LUCK GETTING HIM TO TEACH YOU ANYTHING, THEY SHOT HIM DEAD.

Hoo! That is rich. Theo Van Gogh, killed. HEY, get THIS — you wanna know the last time I saw him? AT HIS FUNERAL! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA OOOOOOOOOH CRAP. That’s just his memorial, damn, I thought I had a picture of his coffin. That was gonna be freaking hilarious. Hmm. Don’t know how you do it, Bryan, you sure make being funny look easy.

Let’s also not forget that the SUV containing the bomb was parked right outside a movie theater showing a family movie, “The Lion King,” guaranteeing the deaths of innocent children had the explosion been successful. When Muslims set out to kill, there are no conscience restraints of any kind in place . .


YEAH, we don’t kill civilians. We have our ‘conscience restraints.’ We never do it over and over and over again because that’s what the word ‘restraint’ means.

So the bottom line here is that because the United States granted this Muslim citizenship, he was able to come and go to centers of terrorist training with no restriction. Muslims must find it difficult to believe we can be as naive and blindly self-destructive as we are.


Alright Habib, let’s say that you’re the United States. Would you let you in?

“If I were America, would I give myself citizenship? Are you kidding? Of course nnooo . . . . wait, yes. Yes. YES, I would. I FLY TO ME AND KILL THE GREAT SATAN BECAUSE I AM MUSLIM ALLAH HALALLA ALLALLALL .. .. ” [*Boom!*]

Damn. I was really hoping that would go differently.

[Owww! ALLAH!!]


*end post*


ADD:

Aliou Niasse, a street vendor selling framed photographs of New York, said that he was the first to spot the car containing the bomb, which pulled up right in front of his cart on the corner of 45th street and Broadway next to the Marriott hotel.

“I didn’t see the car pull up or notice the driver because I was busy with customers. But when I looked up I saw that smoke appeared to be coming from the car. This would have been around 6.30pm.”

“I thought I should call 911, but my English is not very good and I had no credit left on my phone, so I walked over to Lance, who has the T-shirt stall next to mine, and told him. He said we shouldn’t call 911. Immediately he alerted a police officer near by,” said Mr Niasse, who is originally from Senegal and who has been a vendor in Times Square for about eight years.

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Monica Lewinsky silenced by cancer

I like this one:

Thank you, Bill Clinton: cancers of head and neck spike due to oral sex
By Bryan Fischer

According to a story in Reuters, the number HPV-induced head and neck cancers spread by oral sex is rising sharply, particularly in what is supposed to be the enlightened West. And it is particularly prominent among the young and employed.

The cancer is called oropharyngeal squamous cell carcinoma (OSCC), and it is as ugly as it sounds.

President Bill Clinton, in his sordid affair with Monica Lewinsky, convinced an entire generation that oral sex wasn’t really sex. Now the bill has come due, as the human papillomavirus (HPV) is wreaking havoc on the sexual health of a staggering total of 640,000 new human beings every year.

Bill waited until he was President to invent the the blow job.

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