Tag Archives: clip

No crystal ball needed: Glenn Beck is blind to the future

“The truth has no agenda, but the media does.”

Gee, I wonder in which of the truth/media camps Fox’s multi-million dollar man thinks he resides? Glenn Beck got off a real corker of a rant yesterday. Unhappy to keep feeding his nervous audience the same line of fears, as substantial as they are, he’s now detailing the disintegration of the entire political world. [. . having now seen the clip a second time, he's actually predicting the end of global civilization (below).] He tore it to pieces and threw it before mindless, rapacious superpowers far out of the menial control of the likes of you or me. I suppose it would be wise to believe they’re surely coming for us.

Here are the subjects Beck avows are involved with or predictors of the events currently unfolding in Egypt and rippling across the planet:

–Mohammed ElBaradei
–The Obama administration
–The Iranian Revolution
–Progressive activists
–The Weather Underground
–Bill Ayers
–Bernadine Dohrn
–The flotilla to Gaza
–Turkish Islamists
–The Muslim Brotherhood

Those are only the conspiratorial forces he exposes in the first two minutes. After that, it’s time for Glenn to give his viewers the concrete answers to all of the following:

–”What’s going on”
–”Why we went to war in Iraq”
–What of “The coming insurrection”
–The future of the Middle East
–The futures of the major political players on the planet
–The futures of the continents of Earth

That’s all:

As Steve Benen quotes Beck:

“I believe that I can make a case in the end that there are three powers that you will see really emerge. One, a Muslim caliphate that controls the Mideast and parts of Europe. Two, China, that will control Asia, the southern half of Africa, part of the Middle East, Australia, maybe New Zealand, and God only knows what else. And Russia, which will control all of the old former Soviet Union bloc, plus maybe the Netherlands. I’m not really sure. But their strong arm is coming. That leaves us and South America. What happens to us?”

Yes, what happens? Will I live?

Any problem with that take? Well, sure there is. Glenn Beck’s not just a predictor of crazy, he’s a predictor of wrong. He doesn’t get it right, he never gets it right, he’s never even close. By any measure, Glenn Beck stinks at predicting where the teeming world will be in a year or two. So far, he has a 100% track record of being mistaken on the side of chaos, conspiracy, apocalypse, and mass death.

Witness a video of his I uploaded 2 years ago (thank you, Crooks and Liars) where he predicts the complete unraveling of Mexico with dire consequences for America. Yeah, he tries to tell you that this is just his gut feeling, but it’s identical in rationale and tone to his subsequent predictions, including the whoppers above. It’s so perfectly a reverse-xeroxed take that Beck’s seed crystal of the End of Days — Archduke Ferdinand — makes the same ominous appearance [11:21 above, 0:42 below].

Holding Beck’s recent behavior in mind, upon watching the clip, what hits you isn’t that Glenn would now think he misfired on predicting a struggling Mexico collapsing with shocking consequences for the American Southwest. It’s more likely he went wrong in telling the camera he could be wrong. Mexico is, after all, only one country, no big deal. Contrast this with yesterday’s epic take where he calls the perhaps destinies of virtually every major power in the world. Right or wrong, though it’s always the latter, he no longer gives in to the hesitations we see here:

“There are too many things going on in Mexico that nobody is paying attention to, and we’re going to. Because I just have this gut feeling that . . this could be the final lightning bolt in the perfect storm.”

His previous shows were merely practice for what Glenn’s doing now. If he has either become too messianic or too professional to be qualified, who will protest the difference? Like his tears, Beck no longer needs a single excuse.

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After Dr. Laura n-bombs millions of listeners, Palin tells her: ‘don’t retreat…reload!’

Isn’t that Dr. Laura a wise woman? Yes, she is — just listen:


You can feel her intelligence oozing out of the radio. Can’t you?


Wow. You know who else is real, real smart? Sarah Palin:


Thx 2 Sareh 4 de wurdz. Sure — do it again, Doctor N-Bomb:


. . now u, GuVern3r:


. . shackles of civility. More of this, please, without the pointless sensitivity:


Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you.

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The echoes of Palin politics: It’s a problem when a woman isn’t worth nutting on

Blogger Ace of Spades dishes out his compliments and insults in his own thoroughly imitable style.

Seeing a wince-ingly bad clip by pro-choice group Emily’s List, designed to score some political points at Sarah Palin’s expense, Ace realizes what political issue is suddenly at hand. It’s not about Mama Grizzlies, or the role of government or somebody’s presidential aspirations dressed as demagoguery, naw.

This is just politics about women. Y’know — how they are.

Top Ten Problems With Emily List’s Ewok Ad

10. Too much boo-hoo, not enough yub-yub

9. Silly costumes sort of remind people that these women have to play dress up to be Mama Grizzlies, doesn’t it?

8. One time seeing furries yiffing and scritching in a fur-pile on CSI was plenty for me

7. If Sarah Palin’s so dumb and silly, why is it you who are dressed up in the bear costumes?

Fair enough.

6. Video confirms age-old stereotypes that liberal women are nothing but half-witted scruffy-looking nerf-herders

Under the makeup, inside of the bear costumes? You can’t see but about 2% of them, but they’re all so ugly. I hate ugly women.

4. I can only imagine “what’s cookin’” underneath all that latex and wool… I’m thinkin’ these women must smell like Brian Dennehy’s taint’s gym socks

I hate smelly women.

…and the number one problem with Emily’s List Ewok ad…

1. Wicket just emailed me to say only one was worth “nutting on”

When a woman isn’t worth nutting on, that is a problem. By contrast, Sarah Palin is totally worth nutting on, probably worth nutting on her face. That’s why she’s worth watching on TV or worth listening to, even with the screech screech and the blah blah. You know what I mean, right?

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Taiwan media giant’s latest innovation trumps the cartoon journalism of Fox: skip reporting the news and just animate it

Are you a news junkie? Do you follow current events and love a good story? Me too.

Then tell me if this looks familiar — this is some coverage of the controversy over the latest iPhone. You know, the antenna problems and Apple’s reactions to consumer complaints and so on. This comes to us from billionaire Jimmy Lai’s Taiwan and Hong Kong media factories:

What the hell was that? Other than hilarious? That was the future of tabloid news.

Jimmy Lai didn’t get to be so successful by waiting for good things to happen to him, he makes good things happen. And when the publisher of popular Next Magazine, “which combine(s) tabloid sensationalism with hard-hitting political and business reporting,” gets a juicy story, he knows how to get people to read or see Next’s version of it.

What he didn’t know how to do, until now, was to get his hands on the critical video or images of a big story when they didn’t exist. That was frustrating. Until he came up with the answer to his problem: he’ll just make the video himself using live action animation:

It’s a bit of genius, really. The whole thing puts the jokers at Fox News to shame.

Since you know you’re really in the news business to pump schlock into the shallow sewers of pop culture, why bother with the pretense of hiring on-air personalities? Why pay them ridiculous amounts of money, indulge their egos, tell everybody how trustworthy they are, spend years waiting for them to develop a relationship with the audience?

The only reason they’re there is to mouth your pre-written yellow journalism. They’re just puppets for your sure-fire pop sensationalism. Why not just cut out the airheads and their egos and get straight to the point, right? You wanna know what went on in that hotel room with Al Gore and that masseuse? I’ll tell you what went on, right here:

Forget trying to get Bill O’Reilly to report that stuff — one way or another he’ll screw up the message and insert himself into the middle of the story because he’s a self-important idiot. You can get your animation people to write, act, film and animate the whole thing in a matter of hours for far less than a day’s pay of O’Reilly’s bloated salary.

Better yet, the clip does what O’Reilly could only dream of: it shows people the story. That’s what they really want. Who wants to watch self-important jackasses read things on air? Fuck that nonsense. Show me the news. Show me all of the news, I want to see it.

Lai is only too happy to oblige. And his animation unit are no slouches, in any respect. They are savvy, they are hip, they know American pop culture like the back of their hands and they are great at putting clips together. This Sarah Palin clip is brilliant — it’s the best thing I’ve seen all year. Be sure to catch the screen crawls during the Fox News bit:

Taking the piss out of the rich and self-important, that’s what’s going on here. It’s as classic a goal of the wildly successful cheap journalists as there is. Though it may be too much for Americans to buy into — I’m not sure why, Fox’s reporting is nowhere near as faithful as some of these clips — it’s not going away any time soon in Jimmy Lai’s world. Like all tabloid news, as long as it’s spirited, timely, contains a bit of humor and a molecule or two of truth, people will gobble it up.

Say, did you hear about Justin Bieber’s internet pranksters?

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A remarkable sign of media savvy

I imagine it’s safe to say that clumsy, anti-immigration Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is no media genius. It’s probably safe to add that she’s no political genius, either. But it’s certainly now safer to say she’s neither after the release of this silly commercial.

She and her staff thought it’d be a good idea to go after her national liberal detractors through the viral and social media. Unfortunately, this was the best they could do: a dirt-cheap frog fist-puppet, an amateur voice-over (likely a staffer or hack production assistant) so poor that it’s unintelligible, and a 3-line tune devoid of anything resembling rhythm or rhyme. All against a backlit-only background that our Mexican Home Depot locals could’ve painted and pounded out in 90 minutes. This is a statement by the people “driving the debate” on our national immigration policies:


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86 year-old Gurley Martin is one crazy old Kentucky cracker

Ran across this guy on Wonkette. He is an actual Republican Senate candidate in Kentucky, so his dreams are being shattered as we speak.

His name is Gurley L. Martin and he has plenty of stuff to tell you. So there’s his website, where his 3 page ‘Intent to File’ paperwork is chocked full of dust-and-cobweb crazy things. Like how America ran off the rails . . back in 1928 (he remembers). He also says that any legislation that fills more than 46 pages of 8.5 by 11 inch paper (12 point font type) should be deemed unacceptable and unconstitutional. And, of course, he says Obama is not the legit Commander in Chief: “Note this: there R more of US, than there IS of U! U will C — hoping 4 changein U!” Or something like that, it’s not easy to transcribe musty whackadoodle. There’s more of that in his handbills, if you care to look.

But the clips are the thing. At some point, Kentuckians actually got a few of the candidates together at a small forum where they took turns answering questions, or some such silly thing. This first one, Gurley recalls a “rape — ist” getting hanged in 11,000 B.C. And . . he wasn’t even black. Which, of course, means that it’s the black candidate’s turn to come to the podium:

Wow indeed. The other candidates presumably answered nonsense with nonsense and then moved on to the next question. His turn again, Gurley gets back up and returns to what now appears to be his earliest and fondest memory, the execution. Oh, and incidentally, he likes women and cars, but, no, he’s neither raped nor stolen any of them. To which, as if to answer the call of the loneliest whip-poor-will, a single person applauds. Then he gives a shout out to Go-Daddy (seriously), says “nookyooluss”, and then, having announced that he’s going to trounce everybody, turns around to stare down his lesser foes, arms outstretched, like . . “EAT IT BITCHEZ.” Here:


There is also a less triumphant version of Gurley as well. Here‘s a video where a real, serious debate between the Senate candidates gets underway and state troopers have to haul the old coot off. “MY NAME IS GURLEY MARTIN!!

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The scared and lily-white world of Glenn Beck

There’s little point in posting Glenn Beck’s crap any more, I avoid it. But I’ll put this one up, and here’s why: it’s a picture perfect imitation of a Klansman.

Gays and women and blacks and handicaps and immigrants make up a majority of the country. But that’s not America. The real country is a bunch of selfish, entitled, scared white boys, Glenn Beck’s audience. They’re a hungry bunch, too, they get served this in heaping portions every day.

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Butthole Christians ‘punk’ their own with fake Rapture

It’d only be the single greatest event in living history, demonstrating the existence of God, the veracity of The Bible and God’s living connection with us all. BWAH HA:


Ha ho ha. What was she thinking, believing that religious stuff? Buying her church’s and parents’ beliefs? I totally understand why her fellow Christians and friends did that to her. Because she fell for it. What a dumb, deserving bitch.

No, wait — she’s young and impressionable, it’s serious dogma, and these asses get off on pretending to be Ashton Kutcher. YouTube is the shit!


. . h/t Stephen C. Webster at True/Slant.

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