Tag Archives: economy

Romney campaign to borrow plot from “Porky’s VII”

Maybe you thought the future was secure. That no sane person would vote for The Candidate Who Wasn’t There. Yes that’s the way sane people think, and that’s why you’re as cute as a bug’s butt. In cruel reality, the Romney braintrust are turning a thoroughly losing candidate into a winner. If you’re interested in such things, this is how they’re doing it: Mitt only speaks to Fox News, the economy only continues to crater, and Twitter’s become a shooting gallery for banshee-loons.

For the Republicans, it’s a natural strategy. They don’t want to talk to you, they don’t want anything to get any better, and they mean to shout everybody down.

It’s a map of their brains, writ large as election politics. Or it’s just a ‘Fuck You’ campaign. But be clear about this: the grand design comes straight from the top. It’s a strategy custom-made for Mitt, by Mitt and his brass. None of it is whimsical or spontaneous.

Remember Mitt doing a nyah-nyah press conference outside Solyndra? Remember Romney staffers shouting down David Axelrod? Don’t figure that the campaign will mature between now and November. This was today’s highlight:

Romney’s campaign bus was ordered to circle Cuyahoga Community College, where the President was later to give a speech on the economy. So it did, honking its horn for quite a while, and wingnuts ‘Weasel Zippers’ featured the story. Their readers went absolutely apeshit. In four and a half hours, the post got almost 500 comments, most like these:

They’re in their glory. ‘Gateway Pundit’ Hoft jumped on the prank wagon with this:

Jim does the best he can.

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National Review reviews ‘culture,’ not race, or so they say

Victor Davis Hanson at National Review. He’d like to remind us, once again, that he’s no bigot. No, he just prefers certain things over certain other unpleasant things. Say, friends, he was just walking down the strasse the other day when it occurred to him . .

You can learn a lot about Europe’s current economic crises by ignoring the sophisticated barrage of news analysis and instead just watching, listening, and talking to people as you go down river.

And you can ignore your racist tendencies by pretending to analyze Euro-fiscal parametric renoberation when you’re really only annoyed with the dirty ethnics. Turns out Victor is a fan of white people, you see, because they’re different.

Switzerland, by modern standards, should be poor. Like Bolivia, it is landlocked.

They’re not Bolivians, thank God. i.e. Mexican swarthy.

Like Italy, it has no real gas or oil wealth.

. . or hand-waving swarthy . .

Like Afghanistan, its northern climate and mountainous terrain limit agricultural productivity to upland plains.

. . or Musselman swarthy (handy with a grenade) . .

And like Turkey, it is not a part of the European Union.

. . or fractional Euro-Istano-swarthy. But I’ll buy that Switzerland should probably be a hairy sweaty country, yes. Nonetheless, it remains white. How and why?

So Switzerland supposedly has everything going against it, and yet it is one of the wealthiest nations in the world. Why and how?

Well you can torture Victor Davis Hanson, and he won’t tell you. Because he has absolutely no idea. However, the title of the post is “Culture Still Matters.” So he’ll be making the case that the brownskins are useless and displeasing, and that’s why no one can make an honest buck.

Greeks can no more easily give up siestas than the Swiss can mandate two-hour afternoon naps. If tax cheating is a national pastime in Palermo, by comparison it is difficult along the Rhine . .

And no one can tie their shoes.

. . we privately assume that you would prefer your bank account to be in Frankfurt rather than Athens, or the tumor in your brain to be removed in London rather than Lisbon.

You get the picture. If not, here it is in deep intellectual focus:

I have developed an unscientific and haphazard — but often accurate — politically incorrect method of guessing whether a nation is likely to be perennially insolvent and wracked by corruption.

Do average passersby throw down or pick up litter? After a minor fender-bender, do drivers politely exchange information, or do they scream and yell with wild gesticulations? Is honking constant or sporadic?

This barrio makes my skin crawl. You?

Are crosswalks sacrosanct? Do restaurant dinners usually start or wind down at 9 P.M.? Can you drink tap water, or should you avoid it? Do you mostly pay what the price tag says, or are you expected to pay in untaxed cash and then haggle over the unstated cost?

And so this is why, all over the world, poor people are poor. Amen.

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When it comes to the economy, Rick Santorum is a fool

This is a pretty good demonstration of Rick Santorum’s mastery of the mechanics of our country. This is his grasp of our most vital national commons, the U.S. economy.

If I were to ask you what caused the recent historic and disastrous collapse of our fiscal well-being, I imagine you’d say something like this: “It’s complicated.” Some of you would add, “Lending institutions over-extended themselves in reckless attempts to make quick profits. While the influx of loan money caused an artificial inflation in home values, the sickly loans were sold to investment firms. A house of cards got built across several vital sectors of the economy. And, when it collapsed, we were left with crippling debt but almost no way to pay it off.”

For Rick, however, things aren’t so messy. Things are pretty simple:

“We went into a recession in 2008 because of gasoline prices,” Santorum told a packed hotel ballroom of supporters. “The bubble burst in housing because people couldn’t pay their mortgages because of $4 a gallon gasoline,” he added.

This isn’t a new attack Santorum is road-testing in Michigan, he’s said it before:

“We went into a recession in 2008. People forget why,” Rick Santorum told an audience recently. “They thought it was a housing bubble. The housing bubble was caused because of a dramatic spike in energy prices that caused the housing bubble to burst … People had to pay so much money to air condition and heat their homes or pay for gasoline that they couldn’t pay their mortgage.”

As far as reasons a sane observer might offer for our economic misery, this is an absurd one. Look at gas prices in 2008:

The spike around June is remarkable. But the epic price collapse is even more astonishing. If Rick thinks a short price hike in gasoline is capable of wiping out the American economy, he’s a frighteningly poor student of the world. Someone foisting that logic upon us better be able to defend the chronic nature of the recession in the face of the exact same critical factor collapsing to no effect. How can gas prices drive the economy in the middle of 2008 and have absolutely no effect a few months later?

If you look at the details, Rick’s supposed understanding of our economy becomes even more preposterous. From the beginning of 2008 to the spike, gas prices rose about $1.10. That means that, at its worst, the rise in gasoline cost the average American family an additional $103 a month. Bad, but hardly devastating.

The peak was over in a couple of months. Meantime, gasoline costs were something people had control over: they could drive less, carpool, or switch to fuel-efficient cars. Rick figures that, instead of choosing to solve the gasoline problem, Americans simply threw up their hands and sacrificed their houses.

This demonstrates a knowledge of virtually nothing vitally important to the workings of our economy, least of all the behavior of that element — Americans — he’d like to get to vote for him. And anyone who argues that the economy entered a recession after 2007 can’t be taken seriously.

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Allen West, political society’s nasty little gossip

Allen West, gossip columnist. Bitch and dish, dish and bitch . .

. . said this week that President Barack Obama was intentionally crippling the U.S. economy because he was a “marxist” and a “socialist.”

Ooooh, Allen, I just love you. You have dirt on everyone, girl. You get inside. Inside, for you, consists of being inside the heads of your own enemies from inside your own head. Sneaky. Convenient. Normally we’d call you a ‘tail-wagger,’ but, since you’ve gotten so celebrated for doing it, how about ‘Cindy Adams’?

Questions for Cindy? Do you think the president is trying to hurt the economy?

“It is intentional,” West declared. “It is intentional because this is who the president is. The president is a Marxist because he believes in the separation of classes.”

Oh snap. The ‘separation of classes’ is what Marxism and Communism were meant to destroy. Darn. Well, nobody said gossips had brains. It’s probably why they whine for a living.

“. . when you have a national leader that demonizes a certain segment of the society and attacks them, it has never ended up well. Yet, that is what we have. He is a socialist because he believes in nationalizing production.”

He’s, uh, waah? Taking his ‘Class War Revue’ coast to coast? Well, that is news. Score another for Cindy.

“President Obama’s policies have had a devastating effect on our economy, not just unemployment but investment,” conservative radio host Michael Berry told West Monday.

“The whole gambit,” West agreed.

Gambit: “A maneuver, stratagem, or ploy, especially one used at an initial stage.” No, Cindy. Witness the glitch in a gossip’s software: the need to look substantive. The want to appear intelligent and relevant while actually being useless. Tough gig. And then, there’s the bigger glitch: attending those personal needs through public malice. Wouldn’t want to be you, Cindy.

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Obama continues to fight back

They called you ‘Communist,’ ‘Socialist,’ ‘Nazi,’ ‘dangerous’ and ‘un-American.’ They filibustered every piece of legislation they could. They called out ‘You lie!’ in the middle of your address on healthcare reform. Their loyal fans passed around photoshopped images of you with a bone in your house, of the White House as a watermelon patch, of your wife as a gorilla.

Most importantly, they destroyed the economy, and that made the nation miserable, nearly destroying any chance of your getting re-elected. Seeing what they wrought, what did they do? They demanded the Fed maximize the pain. They hurt Americans in order to hurt you.

Have you had enough, Mr. President?

“I mean has anybody been watching the debates lately?” Obama said. “You’ve got a governor whose state is on fire denying climate change.

“It’s true. You’ve got audiences cheering at the prospect of somebody dying because they don’t have healthcare. And booing a service member in Iraq because they’re gay.”

Looks like it. Thank you, sir.

Obama continued his critique of Republicans, saying of the boos in the audience at recent GOP debates: “That’s not reflective of who we are.”

“This is a choice about the fundamental direction of our country,” the president said. “2008 was an important direction. 2012 is a more important election.”

And all of this is the goddamned truth. Just the facts.

Obama will be in L.A. today, and he’s likely to gridlock several parts of the city. For this guy? I don’t mind.

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Washington Bizarro Times Holiday Picayune Joey and Monica

Journalism? Politics. Politics? Journalism. How do you do? How do you do. Right. Whaddyasay we go someplace a little more intimate? Somewhere where we could get together. Have a couple of pops, strafe the breeze. Jam a nightstick up reality’s ass. Sure.

How about the Washington Times editorial board?

EDITORIAL: Obama: Whites need not apply
Liberals don’t want our government to mirror our society

Who puts two colons at the front of a title? Oh: That’s right: An editor. Clowns. These guys get: Paid to — punctuate for … a living.

I enjoy the Times the way I enjoy watching re-runs of Friends. I sit, and I think, “These people are retarded.”

The White House issued an executive order on Thursday titled “Establishing a Coordinated Government-wide Initiative to Promote Diversity and Inclusion in the Federal Workforce.” The purpose of the order is “to promote the federal workplace as a model of equal opportunity, diversity and inclusion.” In other words, it would be better for the government if public-spirited white workers sought employment elsewhere.

It would be better for some White people to seek employment elsewhere. Members of the Ku Klux Klan, for instance. People who’ve had facial reconstructive surgery to look like a Fuhrer. Pat Buchanan. Bay Buchanan. Knuckleheads who name their kids “Bay.” “Bay” women. People named “Bay.”

Whatever were Obama and his committee commies thinking?

Comrade Hidalgo: Comrade, Sir, have you seen the latest polls?

Comrade President: [*sigh*] Yes.

Comrade Hidalgo: We need to do something, and quick.

Comrade President: Yes. Yes — it’s that time, Hidalgo.

Both: TIME TO KILL OUR WHITE VOTERS.

Comrade President: Jinx. Buy me a potato.

Comrade Hidalgo: [scribbles on arm]

Comrade President: ‘We begin by starving them. Kick them out of their cushy politburo jobs.’ Good. Let’s call it “Blah Diversity Blah.” Change part of that, if you like. Then, of course, phase two.

Comrade Hidalgo: [starts scribbling . . ]

Comrade President: . . the Julian Schnabel paintings.

Comrade Hidalgo: [stomps feet]

Comrade President: Buy me a tractor.

Wait. There’s more:

The partier in chief
President relaxes on Martha’s Vineyard while American economy falters

President Obama is chilling out at the beach while the country’s economic engine is headed for a deep freeze. Those lucky enough to have a job will slug it out at work Monday while Mr. Obama parties with the rich and powerful.

This is the third year the Obama family has escaped to the liberal, upper-crust enclave of Martha’s Vineyard . .

. . which is, what, 140 miles from Kennebunkport? So it’s on another planet, apparently.

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Tundra bimbo Sarah Palin highlights her economic bona fides with boners

It’s been — what? — 7 days since the midterm election? So there are now barely 103 weeks to get your Presidential campaign message straight. And Sarah Palin is definitely, absolutely, without-an-atom-of-a-doubt running for President.

She covets the most powerful position on the planet. How do I know? How could anyone be sure? Because when she starts throwing around terms like ‘quantitative easing’, she’s either going for big laughs or going at national voters’ requirement for candidate gravitas. For me, she hit the former on the noggin:

I’m deeply concerned about the Federal Reserve’s plans to buy up anywhere from $600 billion to as much as $1 trillion of government securities. The technical term for it is “quantitative easing.” It means our government is pumping money into the banking system by buying up treasury bonds.

And you thought your dog couldn’t talk?

What’s the end game here? Where will all this money printing on an unprecedented scale take us? Do we have any guarantees that QE2 won’t be followed by QE3, 4, and 5, until eventually – inevitably – no one will want to buy our debt anymore?

“Hey, Dave, could you let me out now?”

When Germany, a country that knows a thing or two about the dangers of inflation, warns us to think again, maybe it’s time for Chairman Bernanke to cease and desist.

When Africa, a country that knows a thing or two about the dangers of ravenously ambitious white politicians . .

Okay, you get the idea. Well, the Wall Street Journal very politely swatted at her sudden economic ‘expertise’:

. . Palin tries to draw the concerns about quantitative easing to inflation today and falls short. She says, “everyone who ever goes out shopping for groceries knows that prices have risen significantly over the past year or so. Pump priming would push them even higher.”

Grocery prices haven’t risen all that significantly, in fact. The consumer price index’s measure of food and beverages for the first nine months of this year showed average annual inflation of less than 0.6%, the slowest pace on record (since the Labor Department started keeping this measure in 1968).

Oops. You can’t fake the numbers: food and beverage price inflation is at its lowest in decades. Palin’s reflexive need to provoke a random bit of populist anger has done her a disservice in the realm of fractions and graphs.

It’s at this point she should just absorb the critique and sharpen her game, but you know she won’t. Instead, we get this encore of comedy:

Do Wall Street Journal Reporters Read the Wall Street Journal?
Sarah Palin on Monday, November 8, 2010 at 4:58pm

Ever since 2008, people seem inordinately interested in my reading habits. Among various newspapers, magazines, and local Alaskan papers, I read the Wall Street Journal.

Now she wants to answer Katie Couric? Somewhat puzzling she’d suddenly pull this rabbit out of her own internet hat. But excelsior gravitas, I suppose. It recalls the great Otto West/Wanda Gershwitz debate where Otto claimed apes didn’t read philosophy. “Yes they do, Otto. They just don’t understand it.”

Apes also don’t write their own Facebook page screeds. But when you back anybody into a factual corner, what can they really do? And, to be clear, I’m not talking about the WSJ cornering Palin. I’m talking about an over-wrought Palin menacing her poor Facebook blog-monkey. What’s a monkey to do?

So, imagine my dismay when I read an article by Sudeep Reddy in today’s Wall Street Journal . .

He writes: “Grocery prices haven’t risen all that significantly, in fact.” Really? That’s odd, because just last Thursday, November 4, I read an article in Mr. Reddy’s own Wall Street Journal titled “Food Sellers Grit Teeth, Raise Prices: Packagers and Supermarkets Pressured to Pass Along Rising Costs, Even as Consumers Pinch Pennies.”

The article noted that “an inflationary tide is beginning to ripple through America’s supermarkets and restaurants…Prices of staples including milk, beef, coffee, cocoa and sugar have risen sharply in recent months.”


If you look at the sections I bolded, you can crunch all the economic ‘data’ yourself.

We may have lost the House, but we’ve gained a Sarah Palin on the campaign warpath. Watching a talentless neurotic like her try to construct a facade of both intellectual heft and frontier whimsy will be a joy.

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How to bankrupt a no-account intellectual like Roger

Totally reasonable website offering Roger’s ‘You know, it just now came to me that Liberals are assholes . . ‘ analysis of politics, Pajamas Media, lands on a jarring conclusion about who’s responsible for the violent recession-plague destroying our blameless nation, America:

Roger Kimball is a fool


Yeah, thanks a lot you bastards. You Obamadorks inherited the greatest, richest, most prosperous nation on Earth, ever, also, and now we can’t even afford cable.

In contrast, George W. Bush inherited an Ethiopan slum:

President Clinton announces another record budget surplus
September 27, 2000
Web posted at: 4:51 p.m. EDT (2051 GMT)

WASHINGTON (CNN) — President Clinton announced Wednesday that the federal budget surplus for fiscal year 2000 amounted to at least $230 billion, making it the largest in U.S. history and topping last year’s record surplus of $122.7 billion.

. . In June, the administration predicted the surplus would be $211 billion, and would increase by as much as $1 trillion over the next 10 years.

“The key to fiscal discipline is maintaining these results year after year. We need to put our priorities in order,” Clinton said.


SHEESH.
Who the fuck can operate a fiscally responsible limited government anti-commie tiny-statist disciplined trickle-down government under those devastating and impoverished conditions? Any Republican President so hobbled, just like every Republican President, would have to run nuclear deficits — bigger than every President before him, combined:

Bush came into office with an advantage few presidents have enjoyed — a $230 billion surplus. But due to a $1.35 trillion tax cut in 2001, a $1.5 trillion tax cut in 2003, and a massive defense buildup through the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, Bush quickly blew through that surplus . . After the financial crisis emerged last fall and the ensuing bailouts, Bush’s budget deficit ballooned to over $1 trillion.

To wit, Roger Kimball and his decimation of the Obama administration’s foolish attempt to change Bush’s triumphant cultural engagement and fiscal policies:

It’s all part of your effort to “fundamentally transform the Untied States of America,” isn’t it, Mr. President? That’s what you promised in October 2008: to change America fundamentally. Who would have predicted you were really serious? (Well, some of us did, but you know what I mean.)

You’ve made it clear that, deep down, you really don’t like the United States. In that, you are like many of your Ivy confrères, all those Harvard-Yale-Princeton types who find the spectacle of individual freedom playing itself out irredeemably vulgar.

uncle sam shower time

Yes, Roger. Yes! The naked, vulgar individual, the reckless dumbfuck George W. Bush, whom you disastrously cheered, who, in the most lurid, most spectacular manner, destroyed the fiscal future of the pre-eminently powerful country in the modern world, should never have been free to play out his national fantasies.

DUH. The Great Recession? Any of it materialized in your crystal ball, soothsayer? Spied any of it, eagle eye? Good lord, man, have you only been huffing ether? Slugging methanol? Gingering acid on your oatmeal Wheaties? What sort of short-sighted clown are you?

RogerKimball2

(. . as is . . — ed.)

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Welcome to Pebble Brain, site of the 2010 U.S. Slackjaw Republican Puke Fest

I am exhausted. Or still a bit traumatized, maybe. Whatever it is, all I’ve been doing is sleeping and sleeping since the weekend, and I’m not much of a sleeper. I’m all whacked out.

Yeah, I know what it is — or what it was. It was that goddamned golf tournament, the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, that I drove up to over the weekend. I caught the third round on Saturday.

That’s what did it. Lord, I have never seen such an ugly collection of Republican assholes in my life. I had no inkling of the bad scene gathering at the tournament, otherwise I would have skipped it. But once I got there, I saw all the nastiness, and I had no choice but to push on through all of it. It wiped me out.

Not that I didn’t expect plenty of right-wing-ishness from my brother, The Republican, whom I love. But, hey, he’s just one guy. Going to the event with him, I certainly anticipated his bit of it.

When it turned out his big plans for us to drive to Monterey meant going in his Hummer H3, I wasn’t too surprised. My ’87 BMW was still full of musical hardware and doesn’t sport his satellite radio or beloved radar detector, so there was no point in arguing. I threw in my bag and got in.

And a half hour into the drive, somewhere around Ventura, when my brother told me that FDR ruined the Great Depression economy with his imbecilic gold policy, our first inevitable argument got underway. He followed that up by reminding me how Obama raised everybody’s income taxes, to which I reminded him he was completely wrong, and he could look it up.

And I felt bad about bitching at him, again, so I wanted to avoid arguing any more. Man, did that end up being a weekend sentence. How are you supposed to argue with complete asshole strangers? They were everywhere, they became something like the wallpaper. You can’t ding ‘em, not all of them. Especially when you realize they’re barely aware of the shit that comes out of their mouths in public.

Some guy spots a curvy black woman in a sexy dress at the restaurant bar, sitting alone. She’s the only black human in the place. “I think she’s a pro,” he mutters.

It was a weekend full of this sort of garbage. And, believe it or not, I was trying not to remember much of any of this because this is exactly the stuff I don’t want to post at my little place. It’s off target and too easy. This crap has little directly to do with the Conservatives’ twisted policies and public philosophies that kill Americans’ lives and futures. Therein lie the real dangers, that’s why I started this blog in the first place.

But I can’t seem to get back on the internet roller coaster without first puking some of it up, so, here we are.

Saturday morning, the big day, starts nauseatingly. Crammed into a large shuttle van to get us to the course, we’re all bundled up in jackets in anticipation of the cool 54-degree weather, which is normal for the area. With the engine running, the heater way up and the driver screwing off, drunken republicansI get overwhelmed with the acrid stench of creams and after-shaves. Even though they were still drunk, they got up early enough for a close shave, every stupid one of them, just to drown themselves in menthols and man-perfumes and alcohols, violent fogs of antiseptic neon greens and blues.

On the course, the affronts continue. Standing at the ropes on the ocean side of the 12th fairway, I am watching the early-going pros hit their tee shots and walk down to the green when a husky dude behind a bushy mustache and black shades walks up next to me. Standing almost motionless except for the robotic motion of feeding his elephant face with sunflower seeds, he spits the shells on me over and over. I begin to think about punching the guy to wake him up when a teenage girl pokes her head between us, and so he spits on her.

I move down the line. A threesome, a couple and a man in their late forties, inexplicably split to either side of me and carry on this conversation:

(couple:) “So how’s it going with Sharon?

(man:) “It’s going ok. There’s some tension there with the oldest, Elise, but it’s not a big deal. It’s not like she’s some sort of wicked step-mother, y’know?

Uh-huh.

Nobody around for 10 feet on either side, they choose to settle 10 inches to my right and my left. So they’re cocking their heads to either side of me, or trying to lean around me, to continue catching up.

It’s frustrating with Elise, though, y’know? Throughout this, she’s been a little bitch. I don’t know, maybe she sees Sharon as competition for me, or something. I just wish she’d cut the act. After about the first 30 minutes or so, everybody settles down and then it’s okay.

I quickly back out of our little foursome and leave. They get one syllable of an apology out but then get really pissed. They have to move away from me. Hey, tell Elise I said hello.

el-pollo-locoAll of these people, incidentally, even at 9 a.m. in the morning, are at least halfway in the bag. So much booze and cockishness and smirking stupidity, they are everywhere. So many brutal hangovers. There was one guy that we helped light his cigar because his hands were shaking too badly to light it himself. A cigar.

The golf tournament is no longer golf, it is piles of vomit-stenched charm, you bet, yes sir. The people ooze with it:

– “She double-wanted my schwanz — what am I supposed to think?

– “Tom Watson? He’s a cock-tease, he’ll never win.

. . as Robert Allenby lines up a 2 footer for birdie: “GET IT CLOSE!

Laughter. It’s clear there are two things this fat mob of douchebags planned for the Open: getting slobber-drunk and basking in each other’s giddy company. They are succeeding. The belly-laughs are everywhere, they are Pebble Beach’s resounding vuvuzelas.

Not that their disappointments don’t surface as well. In this instance, the visitors are still seriously pissed off: a couple complain to two friends. They’re all in their mid-thirties, carrying soft accents from somewhere:

– “So we took a limo back to our place last night.

– “Yeah?

– “We told the driver we were hungry, so he says ‘Oh I know where to go.’ He took us to ‘El Pollo Loco.’

. . and that chunk of Latin would be ‘EL PAWL-OH LOH-KOH,’ for you readers.

– “‘El Pollo Loco?’

– “‘El Pollo Loco!’ Jeezus!

– “I think it’s some kind of chain.

SEE, ESS OON CHAIN. Maybe they’re from ‘ARR-KANS-ESS.’ Perhaps ‘ILL-UH-NOIZE.’

It goes on and on and on like this. I don’t want to recall any more than these few blips, they’re enough.

gonzales high spartanThat Saturday night, dressed in a button down shirt and decent jeans, set for a night on this temporarily ugly, crimson-polluted town, I just conked out, went to bed. I’m glad for having missed whatever shittiness I’d have been assaulted with on the ultimate night of stubble-free chimpanzee puke fest. Could’ve been bad. Glad to have just piled everything in that stupid tank and headed home.

OH, forgot — we’re driving back, through the town of Gonzales. I notice the huge light stanchions over the high school’s football field, and I think, “Didn’t have anything like that back at Palos Verdes High, that’s for sure.”

My brother: “How’d you like to go to Gonzales High School?”

What’s wrong with Gonzales High?

“Wouldn’t want that on my resume.”


Still tired, but I’m getting over it.

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More Conservatives and Comedy Autism, 12/19 edition

Here we go again:

eric allie1

CHANGE. Eric Allie, a regular. Running with the meme that Obama threatened to close Offutt Air Force Base unless Ben Nelson voted for the healthcare bill. Does anyone understand why Eric made the threat an exsanguinating file? Does it represent a bloody inter-office squabble? Will the president soon be waving a sharpened paper clip? Next time, just put a horse’s head in the bed and mark it ‘Offutt AFB.’


eric allie2

Oh the satire. Ahmadinejad mocks and assaults Obama for five panels. After that, Allie puts words in Obama’s mouth to make him look foolish, then inserts a comment to blast the stupid words Obama never said. What, Eric, too chickenshit to draw Obama fellating the guy?


steve kelley1

Everybody knows the economy’s bad. So take that Obama. Steve Kelley’s about as witty as it gets. Watch:


steve kelley4

Hoo!


steve kelley2

Stop!


steve kelley3

You’re killing me! Why would any grown men sit on Santa’s lap? To hear him say ‘Ho’ so that they can reply ‘Where?’ These conserva-drawers were obsessed with Tiger. Sadly, they haven’t figured out how to draw black people (the president included):
(more…)

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Talk about your useless, cranky bitches: George Will reminds us that Christmas gift-giving insults economic ‘value’

George Will, what an old bag. I oughta hire a gang of giddy children to slap Grandma senseless.

Scroogenomics
by George Will

WASHINGTON — Another huge value-destroying hurricane is about to slam America, destroying billions of dollars of value. Another Katrina? No, another Christmas.

Take cover, everybody, a ‘value’ tragedy, a bruising of ‘value’, is about to blah-blah. And all the smart people in the world have already clicked something else.

But, no, not me. Why? Insomnia.

This voluntary December calamity is explained in a darkly amusing little book that is about the size of an iPhone. “Scroogenomics: Why You Shouldn’t Buy Presents for the Holidays” comes from a distinguished publisher, Princeton University Press, and an eminent author, Joel Waldfogel of the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton business school.

This is going to be depressing, one way or another, because the title isn’t bad at all. When George Will likes it, especially if it’s ‘darkly amusing’, it’s guaranteed to be complete dog poo.

He says that the crux of Yuletide economics, which common sense suggests and research confirms, is:

Gifts that people buy for other people are usually poorly matched to the recipients’ preferences. What the recipients would willingly pay for gifts is usually less than what the givers paid. The measure of the inefficiency of allocating value by gift-giving is the difference between the yield of satisfaction per dollar spent on gifts and the yield per dollar spent on recipients’ own purchases.

AHH, HEADACHE. Why does George Will even exist, other than to pain good people? Good lord, it’s Christmas, you douchebarrel.

By calculating the difference between the consumption of holiday goods (e.g., jewelry, but not gasoline) in December as opposed to November and January, you get a rough estimate of Christmas spending. Waldfogel’s conservative estimate is that in 2007, Americans spent $66 billion on gifts and produced $12 billion less satisfaction than would have been produced if the recipients had spent the $66 billion on themselves.

OOWWW. Yes, douchevat, gift-giving is bad science, it’s easy to ‘miss’. How it stinks of high spirits that besot accuracy. Lemme guess–this sort of behavior has societal consequences, you naked teens.

At least the Christmas stimulus strengthens the economy, right? Wrong, says Waldfogel. If all spending justified itself, we would pay people to dig holes and then refill them — or build bridges to unpopulated Alaskan islands. Spending is good if the purchaser, or the recipient of a gift, values the commodity more than he does the money it costs. Otherwise, there is a subtraction from society’s store of value.

…jeez, how pathetic is George? At this time of the year, perhaps we all should keep “society’s store of value” in mind. Hell, wouldn’t want to put a leak in that. No, not gonna give you anything you won’t ‘value’ as much as I paid for it. If only I knew exactly what you thought of all the stuff in the stores near me.

Douchetank offered a stupid example, incidentally. The ditch digger isn’t doing anything of value in the universe, digging and then filling in holes. But while some gifts may be unwanted, they still hold value elsewhere. That whole thing, goods moving about into higher ‘valuation’ sectors, is called…AN ECONOMY. The secondary value extracted is…MONEY. Wharton owes me some sort of award.

But, you say, what about sentimental value? Don’t you value the thoughtfulness of dotty Uncle Ralph who gave you the sweater? Actually, Ralph’s sentiment in selecting it was like your sentiment when you selected for him the candle shaped like Gandhi — desperate bewilderment about what he might like.

Were it not for sentimentality about sentiments, which are highly overrated, we would behave rationally, giving cash, thereby avoiding value subtraction. We almost do that with wedding registries.

Well, cold rationality is a drunken joy. And fulfilling a couple’s wedding demands for flatware is almost as fun. Get the idea that self-centered George has given a few stone gifts in his holiday history? It wasn’t his fault–he’s too smart to make mistakes. It’s stupid Christmas‘ fault, stupid day. And you’re stupid too. Don’t you know anything about the economy?

“There are worlds of money wasted, at this time of year, in getting things that nobody wants, and nobody cares for after they are got.” So said Harriet Beecher Stowe in 1850… Data from 1919 concerning the retail giants of the day — mail-order companies (e.g., Sears and Montgomery Ward) and “dime stores” (e.g., Woolworth) — actually show that Christmas sales as a share of the economy is about half as large as it once was. This means proportionally less value subtraction. Hallelujah.

Cue George, on his phone:

“Hello, is this Harriet? Harriet, this is George Will. Yes, good afternoon. The holidays are upon us again, Harriet, so I thought I’d call you while I was making out here, before me, my schedule. Tell me, Harriet–in dollar terms, what sort of value would you put on a toaster?”

[Pause]

“A toaster, like perhaps a chrome one, say a Hamilton Beach. What would you hazard is its worth?”

[Pause]

“Yes, roughly, I understand. Of course, very good. Harriet, if I find one at that price, I shall gift wrap it and send it to you.”


*click*

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Wingnut cholera alert: Colorado’s Dave Schultheis shats his mind

Normally, who’d bother with state Senators? But Dave is waaaaay wingnut.

And what’s great about that? This is what’s great: it’s a wingnut triumph of truth and the human spirit to speak your mind. WOW. Coool. He’s ‘Twitter’ing what only the worst of us are thinking.


WOAH. The president is one of those terrorists that killed thousands of Americans in a matter of minutes back in 2001? That seems a bit much.

State Senate President Brandon Shaffer, a Longmont Democrat, calls Schultheis’ tweet “appalling” and has demanded a retraction, and Ed Kowalski, a director for the New York-based 9/11 Families for a Secure America, believes Schultheis was “clearly” referring to Flight 93 when he used the words of the passengers who fought to take back the ill-fated plane: “Let’s roll.”

Kowalski also disagrees with many of Obama’s policies but says, “Let’s not cheapen what happened on Sept. 11 by making random and or ill-fated comparisons to current policy.”

WHAT! Who the fuck said “Let’s Roll” was connected to anything about planes, including what I said?

“‘Let’s roll.’ It’s a comment people use all the time any more. ‘Let’s get going. Let’s move on. Let’s make major changes,’ ” Schultheis said. “I can see it now. But you’re busy doing jillions of things during the day. You sometimes don’t analyze every single word.”

Busy doing jillions of things, but he sees it now. So it was a mistake, because he was busy, but everybody uses it all the time, so it’s not a mistake.

Earlier this year, in a communicable disease transmission bill, Colorado lawmakers sought to test all pregnant women for HIV so that they could prescribe anti-virals to protect infants.

Dave:

“This stems from sexual promiscuity for the most part, and I just can’t go there,” he said.

“We do things continually to remove the consequences of poor behavior, unacceptable behavior, quite frankly. I’m not convinced that part of the role of government should be to protect individuals from the negative consequences of their actions.”


The whores should just watch their babies die. Okay.

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