Browsing the archives for the fox news tag.
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A Daily Show corker

game over man game over

Obamacare will bankrupt our country and ruin the best healthcare delivery system in the world. Really? This might be the best Daily Show segment ever, with Aasif Mandvi.


I never understood the “If you give it to everyone then you’ll ruin it” argument. The Republicans’ best business-titan buddies brew Budweiser by the millions of gallons. They make Ford Mustangs as long as there’s demand. Why doctors won’t know what to do after poor folks are let through the door, I don’t know.

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Spinelessness for fun and profit

profiles in courage

The great Ron Fournier. Karl Rove’s quivering pen pal. Who publicly and proudly transformed the Associated Press from a neutral to a partisan observer (Everybody Likes Fox News!). The man who shoved the Washington bureau into his own McCain pressure-cooker during the ’08 election, blanching the outlet and its reputation.

New Journalism Ron Fournier. No longer with the AP. Now dimming another outlet:

Why Boston Bombings Might Be Scarier Than 9/11
April 16, 2013 | National Journal

Call it “terrorism” if a label helps you make sense of this madness. Find who did it and squash him—or them—with what President Obama called “the full weight of justice.” But in the broad scheme of things, such loose ends matter less than this: Life in America changed with the Boston Marathon bombings—again, and as with past attacks, for the much worse.

What a breezy paragraph. Call it “terrorism”? It is terrorism, so I’ll call it that. If it makes “sense”? The truth makes sense, to me. “Squash him”? He will not be a bug but a killer on the run — who writes like this? And about the “loose ends”: solving the crime, capturing the terrorists, and dispensing American justice, which all prevent future terrorism. Whatever. Good Morning Mr. Featherweight. Tell the Kardashians I love whatever show it is that they do, on the television.

Just when we need it least, we have apparently come across the equivalent of an Op/Ed reality episode. Where a performer features his insubstantial self for the purpose of entertaining you. You weren’t in the mood, I know, but you’re not the only American with wants and wishes. Ron’s got a thing, too. What was that again? “Life in America changed with the Boston Marathon bombings—again, and as with past attacks, for the much worse.”

Oh bullshit you twerp. You think we can’t see what you’re trying to pull? Anyone can play doomsayer after the brutality: WE’LL NEVER BE THE SAME. You could say the same after going to the dentist. Cut it with the Nostradamus masquerade, it’s cheap.

There’s a bottom line: Three people are dead, not 3,000. And Ron Fournier is a coward. Which places him in stark contrast with, oh, everyone else in the country right about now, terrorists excluded.

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Platinum, I’m stupid. Platines, you’re stupid. Platinest, she’s stupid.

fox, I doubt that

Fox News swore a trillion dollar platinum coin would weigh 18,000 tons. The National Republican Congressional Committee figured just one of them would sink the Titanic. Maybe one did. Has anybody unraveled that fiasco?

So goes this crop of madness. What? A giant coin! Matthew Yglesias rebukes the hysterics when he reminds them that the paper in a hundred dollar bill isn’t worth a hundred dollars. Ann Althouse presses herself into service. Dude you are dumb:

“The biggest and weirdest myth out there about the $1 trillion platinum coin is…”

Matthew Yglesias debunks a myth without establishing that anyone believes it.

Clue to Matt: No one believes it.

Click the links and see for yourself. Coins and greenbacks hold no essential value, yet the pundits went looking for the weight-to-value ratio of platinum on the open market. To Ann, it speaks of intelligence.

This is one of those glaring examples of the attitude of superiority leading to missing humor and subtlety. You may think you’re smart, but it’s not smart to assume other people aren’t smart too. I recommend a working assumption that other people are smart, and when you think you’re reading something ridiculously stupid, go through the exercise of reading it with the thought that the writer is wonderfully clever.

It was satirical the way Fox News pretended coins were worth their stated values. Though it enraged the viewing droolers, the Lenny Bruces were going all-out for subtlety and wit.

No way I’m buying that. Perhaps Ann’s clever friends wouldn’t believe “something ridiculously stupid,” but right-wingers everywhere can’t stop doing it:

Putting A Trillion Dollars Of Platinum In Perspective
ZeroHedge | Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/04/2013

So you want a trillion dollar platinum coin? Ok: here are some facts:

• Platinum has traditionally been the most valuable precious metal for one simple reason: it is rare.
• It is so rare, that all the platinum ever mined could fit into a 25 cubic foot box.
• The weight of that box comes out to just over 16 tons: this is how much platinum has been mined since the start of time.
• A coin valued at $1 trillion and made out of platinum would, at today’s price of $1557/ounce, weigh in at 642.3 million ounces.
• 642.3 million ounces is also roughly 18 thousand tons, or about 1100 times more than all the platinum mined.

Emphases in original. Tyler the rebel at ZeroHedge brings you this rattling exposé because the establishment won’t. Well aware of how his blogging threatens the man, Tyler can no longer tell you his real name.

. . used by the likes of mark twain (aka samuel langhorne clemens) to criticize common ignorance, and perhaps most famously by alexander hamilton, james madison and john jay (aka publius) to write the federalist papers, we think ourselves in good company in using one or another nom de plume.

Routine ignorance, thy hours are numbered. Durden’s coup de grace:

In other words, putting a coin that is worth $1 trillion in perspective to all the platinum ever mined, would look something like this:

Good luck getting all that metal out of the mountain, John Henry, before the debt ceiling. Soon enough someone at Politico starts a thread on the making of the maxzilla coin. Look at that first comment:

sheer idiocy!

Putting A Trillion Dollars Of Platinum In Perspective

So you want a trillion dollar platinum coin? Ok: here are some facts:

–Platinum has traditionally been the most valuable precious metal for one simple reason: it is rare.

–It is so rare, that all the platinum ever mined could fit into a 25 cubic foot box.

–The weight of that box comes out to just over 16 tons: this is how much platinum has been mined since the start of time.

—A coin valued at $1 trillion and made out of platinum would, at today’s price of $1557/ounce, weigh in at 642.3 million ounces.

–642.3 million ounces is also roughly 18 thousand tons, or about 1100 times more than all the platinum mined.

What morons! Who elects these clowns?


And what if China calls in their debt? Who has a pennyloafer that size?

Durden’s pronouncements on the platinum coin hold sway at site after site, with names like ewallstreeter, topnewstoday, bullfax, redliontrader, jmdeherrera, equityhelpdesk, and stocksupdate. Few of them look like Funny Or Die.

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Karl Rove brays at the swirling wind

derpes is not an STD

“But the president, he succeeded by suppressing the vote. By saying to people, ‘You may not like who I am and I know you can’t bring yourself to vote for me, but I’m going to paint this other guy as simply a rich guy who only cares about himself.”

“President Obama has been re-elected with the, becoming the first president in history to win a second term with a smaller percentage of the vote than he did in his first term . .”

Karl Rove’s hand-puppet George W. Bush lost the vote in his first term. So if he won a re-election, he’d have to get more votes. So what’s Karl’s point?

His point is nothing. He’s just making noise. He’s an idiot.

If you give me a million dollars, I will buy you something of value. I will get you a building. And you can live in it. You can locate a company in it. You can house Syrian refugees in it. Then you can clean and sweep it and sell it to someone else.

If you give Karl Rove 200 million dollars, he will hand it to television broadcasters. And they will build the biggest bonfire you ever saw.

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Fox News tries to talk about sex, fails

fox, sex

The Fox hipsters scratch their heads over Glee.

Gretchen Carlson:

“. . [SIGH] I think here we go again, pandering to point three percent of the American population that considers themself transgender . . “

You can’t swing a feather boa in this country without smacking a prime-time show pandering to trannys. Are you as sick of LIZA! CSI as I am? Terrible demography, I wonder why Glee does it. And because I weigh 500 hundred pounds, I’m late for more Biggest Loser . .

” . . by the way, in the same episode, there are two cheerleaders who apparently are lesbians with each other and they put out a sex tape . .”

Together, they’re lesbians. Away from each other, they’re geishas. Sex seems to be a bit of a mystery for the Culture Warriors. Hey, maybe that’s why they’re so angry. Bill:

. . if children hear it, unsupervised children, okay who don’t have parents watching their — they might go out and experiment with this stuff . . when I was a teenager and I saw James Dean smoking, it made me want to smoke.

There he was. The coolest guy in school, leaning against the gym wall with a wry smile and a dildo between two fingers. And then Bill tried to smoke a Gleek’s pole. You’re never too old buddy . .

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Hey, they’re just thoughts people . .

damn twitter, fox

Did you see this?

I just don’t see any problem with that.

Heather Childers, a “straight news” anchor for the Fox News weekend program America’s News Headquarters and co-host of Fox & Friends First, tweeted this afternoon: “Thoughts? Did Obama Campaign Threaten Chelsea Clinton’s Life 2 Keep Parents Silent?” and linked to a blog post pushing a conspiracy involving the Obama campaign murdering, or threatening to murder, individuals to keep quiet questions about Obama’s eligibility.

. . Childers tweeted that Fox anchors “present both sides but people see what they want.”

See? Journalists think things. They’re just thoughts. Maybe you see something more.

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Sean Hannity has this silly Trayvon thing figured out

fox, race, tragedy

Do you dig Sean Hannity’s hair? Is he the cutest devil, or what? Here comes a good clip. Hannity, millionaire journalist ink-pisser, knows better than to leave anything to the gods. Or the women. So he sends them winks and nods to corral them in the handsome direction of truth.

‘Trayvon Martin on TOP of George Zimmerman, POUNDING his head, BEATING his life, KNOTTING his soul. The shrieking WIND, the pitiless RAIN, THE BLOOD and THE SCARS PUKING NOW YOU TIFFANY GO . .

–I think . .

‘. . PULLING TONSILS WITH SEARING TONGS NOW YOU TIFFANY GO . .’

–Maybe it . .

‘. . GEORGE’S TESTICLES IN HIS TEETH NOW YOU TIFFANY GO . .’

–I don’t . .

‘. . CARVING A ROSETTE FLOWER IN HIS LIVER NOW TIFFANY LOUDER . .



The ladies eventually get hip to the game. Deneen Borrelli rips Eric Holder:

“With the New Black Panther Party in 2008, where was he then?”

In private practice at Covington & Burling. Brilliant. Tamara:

“President Obama is not going to because he has no cojones.”

Captured above, Tamara supporting her assertion. And this:

“The blacks are also making this more of a racial issue than it should be.”

The blacks. Those ones, yes. Yeehoo.

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The Trayvon Martin reaction getting bizarre

I doubt that, race, tragedy

You know how certain events get caught in the wind? How, at a certain point, the reactions get unhinged from the tragedy? How the waving and yelling become a spectacle all their own? We hit that point yesterday.

You know the Martin tragedy has hit the Fellini phase when:

1.) They trot out the shooter’s close black ‘friend,’ who’s twice his age.
2.) The friend can’t hear “fucking coons,” but he can hear “fucking goons.”
3.) The friend informs America that “goon” is a “term of endearment.”
4.) And, trust him, no one uses that racial “epitaph” any more.



I’m to assume the killer’s black buddies, a bunch of TV anchormen in their 50s, he calls “goons” because he’s not about to shoot them as they’re all good friends. Right. Meanwhile, the Fox News merchandise site has stopped selling hoodies. Because they’re just journalists, folks, and they don’t take sides on the news. Audio/video:

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Geraldo Rivera blames Trayvon’s gangsta style

fancy thinkin', fox, race, tragedy

The breakfast bunch at Fox News decided to toss the tragic killing of teen Trayvon Martin around this morning. Hey, no wonder the other networks have been doing it — this is fun.

Anyway, with mountains of Murdoch’s scratch only bedding silverfish, they figured they could afford a Colored Guy for analysis. Geraldo Rivera threw his Vault Cracker brand detective kit into the back of a Chrysler Asshole, and streaked away.

Thinking hard, he pressed himself:

“What really killed Trayvon Martin? Fox News wants to know. It won’t be good enough for me to say, ‘Racism.’ Or ‘White paranoia.’ That’d be like me telling Wile E. Coyote about ACME gunpowder. I’ll have to give them something else.”

And with that, the legendary TV sleuth set off to re-create the entire murder in his head. The neighborhood watch captain, the police phone call, the warning to leave Trayvon alone, the kid running from the murderous lunatic, the confrontation, the shot ringing out. All of it played out in slow motion in Colored Guy’s movie memory. And that’s when He figured it all out. Wow. He came upon the missing piece of the puzzle: what really killed Trayvon Martin.

Excitedly, Geraldo puttered off to Fox studios. He sat down with the breakfast bunch:

“Geraldo, homie, tell us. What really killed Trayvon Martin?

“I’ll tell you, Brian. What really killed the poor boy was . . his jacket.”

“I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was. When you see a kid walking down the street . . People look at you and what’s the instant identification? What’s the instant association? Its crime scene surveillance tapes. Every time you see someone stick up a 7-Eleven, the kid is wearing a hoodie. Every time you see a mugging on a surveillance camera or get the old lady in the alcove, it’s the kid with a hoodie. You have to recognize that this whole stylizing yourself as a gangsta — you’re going to be a gangsta wannabe? Well, people are going to perceive you as a menace. That’s what happens. It is an instant reflexive action.”

Trayvon could have picked a less provocative coat. So both sides are to blame.

“I understand that the reaction might be overzealous or even irrational in some extent, I mean, when you look at the statistics. But you’re not going to rehabilitate the hoodie. Stop wearing it! You know the old Johnny Cash song, ‘Don’t take your gun to town, son. Leave your gun at home.’ There are some things that are almost inevitable.”

Personal responsibility, folks. Now you know.

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Fox News Makes a Darn Good Case for Rape

crime, fox, military

Fox News is absurd. Below, see a bit of broadcasting serving as a potent example of their other-worldliness. Anchor Eric Shawn interviews Liz Trotta. They discuss what should be an alarming fact: there’s been a dramatic rise in violent sexual assaults in the armed forces.

Bare with me. The reason I post this isn’t because it’s some uniquely insulting flotsam of Fox’s evil ways. They throw crap like this at you all the time. Instead, I post this because I’d like to point out something many people don’t realize.

Being extremely protective of its branding and propaganda potentials, Fox is crazy careful to vet potential on-air personalities. But it doesn’t actually script these gargoyles. They do know fully well what their ‘stars’ are about, what their particular issues and pet peeves are, but they really don’t know what a contributor like Trotta will say once the cameras start rolling. This would be a great example of a spontaneous on-air disaster, even by Fox’s gnarly standards.

Trotta’s dismissive battle-axe schtick goes wildly astray. Regardless of what side of the political divide you live on, you’re shocked to hear anyone speak so derisively of the welfare of soldiers.

. . just a few weeks ago, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta commented on a new Pentagon report on sexual abuse in the military. I think they have actually discovered there is a difference between men and women. And the sexual abuse report says that there has been, since 2006, a 64% increase in violent sexual assaults. Now, what did they expect? These people are in close contact . .

Of course there’s been an explosion in rapes and violent sexual assaults. Men and women have gotten near each other. What else did you expect?

Trotta figures it’s normal for humanity, especially the male part of the species (people like me), to become sexually violent once “close contact” occurs. She’s pointing out how stupid feminists are, therefore, to flog this issue. She’s also pointing out how stupid the military are for being pawns in the hippie chick agenda. One wonders if Liz believes these rapes really occur, or if they’re negative experiences in any way. By extension, one wonders what Fox News thinks about rape. Good? Bad? Circle of life?

“The budget for the Defense Department’s Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Office leapt from $5 million in fiscal 2005 to more than $23 million in fiscal 2010. Total Defense Department spending on sexual assault prevention and related efforts now exceeds $113 million annually.” That’s from McClatchy Newspapers.

So, you have this whole bureaucracy upon bureaucracy being built up with all kinds of levels of people to support women in the military who are now being raped too much.

Now there’s a money quote. There’s no context within which a Fox contributor can say that and not bruise the brand. Her handlers trust that Liz will cuff the government for liberal spending and for turning the military into a bunch of squishes. They do not expect her to aver that rape is a normal and proper consequence of serving your country. This is cheerleading for the sort of crime that would normally leave an animal rotting his life away in a penitentiary. Liz allows for it to go down in the military, though, because they’re special and awesome, and, also, Republicans rock. You can imagine what she believes football players should get away with on college campuses.

Shawn: Well, many would say that they need to be protected, and there are these sexual programs, abuse programs, are necessary—

Trotta: That’s funny, I thought the mission of the Army, and the Navy, and four services was to defend and protect us, not the people who were fighting the war.

Why should a waiter need to eat? It’s his job to serve you the food. Why do CPR on a cardiologist? He’s supposed to be saving your heart.

What an example of staggering stupidity. Why bother giving soldiers tanks and guns? Don’t they know how to throw a punch? Why can’t they love their country? I guarantee there are Fox executives cringing at seeing this. As bad as it is, though, Trotta won’t be fired. Fox News is an emotional experience more than an intellectual one, and we’re talking to and about the great unwashed masses, after all. Still, there’s no way to spin how this shocks people who are sane. Military folks. Stockholders, too. Bummer.

Shawn: Well, you certainly want the people fighting the war to be protected from anything that could be illegal.

Trotta: Oh, look, I mean, that’s—nice try Eric.

It’s only rape. Get a life.

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Sean Hannity has become no dumber than you recall

derpes is not an STD, foreign policy, fox, I'm not a strong swimmer

Believe it or not, this is good news. Whatever messaging Fox News is engaging in usually indicates what’s going on with the collective right-wing psyche. And the psyche apparently feels threatened. This was Sean Hannity talking election strategy with Frank Luntz on Tuesday night:

“They’ve got a foreign policy that shows a lot of weakness,” Hannity said. “I know the President will say they got bin Laden, putting that aside.”

Ha. I know the President complains about being skinny, but putting that aside. We can attack his obesity, I think. Just wait, it gets better:

“And the public gives him credit for that,” Luntz interjected.

A reluctant Hannity replied, “But it wouldn’t have happened if he had his way, and I think that could be proven as well on tapes.”

What? Bwah ha ha. I know, you’re thinking, “How does a president — A PRESIDENT FOR MORON’S SAKE — defy the wisdom of many of his advisers, including his Vice President, and order a Navy Seal operation to kill Osama bin Laden, BUT oppose it?” I don’t know. Maybe Hannity’s brain is being directed by the same hacks who used to write for “Dallas”?

“Frank — my sources tell me that Bin Laden is not dead.”

“Really?”

“They tell me that Obama has only been issuing press releases from his dreams.”

“You don’t say?”

“Arugula is not the new Irish stew. Chicago doesn’t have a chocolate city hall. And Bobby Ewing is as alive as you or me.”

“What the HELL?”

Hullooo, Sean. And all this mess, whatever way you fantasize it, will be on tape, you say? That I’d like to see.

“Alright, people. I’ve had enough advice. I’ve decided, instead, to authorize the attack to proceed. Tell Navy Commander Jones to alert and authorize Seal Team 6. That’s an order.”

“Yes sir.”

“Oh — and Bobby? The nearest video camera?”

“Uhh . . upper right, mounted on the wall, sir.”

. . 2 . . 1 . . *ahem* . . NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Sean Hannity must be the single stupidest man who ever lived. Yes, putting that aside, they don’t call it ‘Fox’ for nothing. These are tactics invented by Karl Rove. You take an opponent’s strength and try to turn it upside down. Rove pulled this on John Kerry, unfortunately and successfully.

That’s how the former senior officer on a swift boat in Vietnam became a knee-knocking draft dodger. Kerry once had to shoot a young Vietnamese point blank and kill him. He was awarded a Silver Star, a Bronze Star and three Purple Hearts for his service. But by the time Bush-era shitstormers were done with him, Kerry might as well have been a spineless little coward. You know, somebody like Karl Rove.

That’s why Hannity looks even more idiotic than usual. Because Republicans are terrified of Obama’s foreign policy record. This is good news.

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Fox News celebrates MLK’s birthday by pulling out a photo of Ice Cube and calling him Ice-T

dang, fox, race, yikes

I hope your hands are big enough to hold your head. It’s a Fox clip so brutal, it’s classic.

The occasion of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King’s birthday is a great time to reflect upon things. The greatness of the man. The lasting political power of non-violence. The struggles of people long-denied their rights. The brutality and self-righteousness of oppressors. The segments of our society still in need of King-like grace and tolerance.



But maybe you were in a silly mood Monday? So you turn on Fox News and you see, for King’s birthday, that they:

1.) Have Bernard Goldberg spend time with Bill O’Reilly.
2.) Ask the two of them to gauge the amount of Mitt Romney’s ‘whiteness.’
3.) Get Bernie to bring from home a keepsake photo of a black person.
4.) Let him brag about how racially hep he is because he spent time with Ice-T.
5.) Have Bill-O point out that Bernie’s best friend is actually Ice Cube.
6.) Make Dr. King plenty proud when Bill explains “I’m a brother, man.”

Now your day’s ruined, and you’d like to kill someone, but, darn it, you can’t do it.

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