Tag Archives: fred thompson

I do not think Fred has this one

Tomorrow is the fortieth anniversary of the Nixon administration’s attempt to slam-dunk America, the defenseless democracy. 1972 was an election year and some people were planning to vote against Republicans. Which should not be allowed. So there were chores to do. Somebody had to break into the Democratic Party headquarters and steal the election.

It’s amazing how few wingnuts will confess that Watergate was a serious crime. The Nixon pals meant to thwart democracy by breaking into the opposition’s HQ and killing their chances to choose a political executive of their own. And though I don’t know you, I’ll risk insult by saying if you believe Republicans are any different today, you’re stupid.

Which is why tomorrow I expect plenty of interesting opinions on the scandal that brought down a shitty president. This one, for contrast, is a real snoozer. As Fred Thompson is mostly turtle though, it toddles along as expected:

The press will be praised as having stood between us and Armageddon. Someone will say, in effect, that we were on the verge of losing our civil liberties — spying on peaceful anti-war demonstrators and such. There are certainly elements of truth to all of this.

Fred’s trying to pretend the scandal’s been overplayed. Like it’s Waterworld. The break-in alone rates a shocker. As Watergate played out and the revelations piled up, everybody’s jaws hit the floor. The paranoiac Nixon had used the government for his personal bludgeon, breaking the law over and over again. Dozens, if not hundreds, of people had been happy to help him. This can be fairly called ‘evil.’

. . the soldiers in the Watergate wars overstate their case, happy to add layer upon layer of Shakespearean pathos and drama to the events, while failing to add any critical thinking or historical context, pushing instead the same, tired conventional wisdom.

38 people pleaded guilty to or were indicted for the crimes of Watergate. This is not a convention, it’s a fact. I think it’s funny Fred is trying to spin history some other way, it’s no easy job. You have to be pretty clever to manage that. Nixon himself called the Tennessee senator “dumb as hell,” so he’s running uphill.

Watergate was in large part about the arrogance of power. It demonstrated, once again, that Lord Acton was right. Power corrupts. Older men, full of themselves, and their youthful, ambitious subordinates thought that the ends justified the means and that they could get away with illegal wiretappings, break-ins, and the targeting of their political enemies because they controlled the levers of power.

Gee, that’s simple enough. There’s really nothing for anyone to learn, good night now. People gain access to “the levers of power,” crimes get committed. Sunrise, sunset. Here’s an irrelevance: Evil Republicans know what’s best for the world, to the point of blowing up the freaking Brookings Institution. There’s a lever for that I think. What does a guiltless U.S. president do by the way? While his world collapses in corruption and conspiracy? Squeegee the windows, yes.

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How not to poli-blog, or, everything’s funny

And how are we to take posts like this seriously?

Where’s the Left’s Sarah Palin?
08 April 2010 5:00 pm by Taylor Marsh

There remains a “Hillary hole,” with women wanting their turn, while people hunger for something radically different. .

Pardon?

. . which is currently being filled by the Tea Party, a star named Sarah and her fans.

Oh. Wait — what?

Not surprisingly, as poll after poll on her rolls out, the narrative on Sarah Palin continues to be filled out unfairly. I know, you’re shocked. But love her or hate her, whether she runs in 2012 or not, when you look at the left, the reality is there’s no anti-Palin progressive who matches what Palin’s got.

Come again and again? I don’t know who Taylor Marsh is, but how oblivious can you be? Is there a French phrase for something like the opposite of “double entendre”? For being simultaneously clueless in both the literal and the unintentional? Double inconscient? Probably not close, but at least I’m aware of that.

The “Hillary hole”? C’moooooooon. Jeezus. You couldn’t have called it something barely less jarring, like “The currently invaginated political playing field”? “The left’s nagging hunger after the Hillary pull-out”? “Naked snaps of the liberal political landscape”? “The Democrats’ soft spot now begging to be filled”?

The “Hillary hole.” Alllllrrrright.

First — my fingers are trying to keep a straight face — there is no “hole” because Hillary is still around. And already my keyboard is giggling and disagreeing, terrific. This won’t stop with you, will it? Okay, funny clacks, you want comedy, here:

hillary hole


That’s actually one of the links in the post. Now the monitor’s fallen down, quite hysterical. I can’t see a thung I’m typong. Get up, dammit, I own you.

Gah. So it can’t be a “Hillary hole,” it’s more a “Palin hole” since that’s what’s missing, whatever it is. Gee, I wonder why you didn’t call it that. What? Yes, fine, plenty of liberals will volunteer to fill it. Yes, some amount of booze and ear plugs would be wise, sure. And aren’t all of you, the things on my desk, talented comedians?

But you can’t look at Palin and wonder where the Dem equivalent is. Palin is a strictly right-wing phenomenon. She’s a domesticated pet with good looks and spunky, sit-com ways. And she has a thrilling grasp on the issues as profound as a cat’s. What? I am not gonna repeat that.

Therein lies her political charm, Conservative-wise. Only on the right can some idiot walk right out of the wings and into the spotlight to the cheers of even veteran political Conservatives. So much of wingnut politics are posturing and symbolism. Fred Thompson and Newt Gingrich are so dumb I’m surprised they manage to survive into the next day, but they’re still around and much respected. Somehow, they look the part, and that’s enough.

By stark contrast, Hillary is the real thing. I didn’t pick her over Obama, but I wouldn’t have been disturbed if she’d been elected, she’s wise and capable. It took years for her to become a trusted figure, and that’s the way it should be. We’re not wrestling fans, we don’t want anything like a leftist Palin. No one sees your “hole.” The stapler says “try peeking.” Hilarious. Where’s their serious, capable lawyer-woman? Where’s their young, black orator? Wait — where’s our Mormon businessman? This is a silly take.

Taylor, you can stop flacking, jocking, rocking or pounding your “Hillary hole.” And maybe try to get a friend to read your posts before you click ‘publish.’ K?

Right. What? Yes, that was some sweet Palin polling, lucky you. Not bad.

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Lou Dobbs gets serious about running for President in 2012

If I wake up early enough tomorrow, stay tuned for an eventual ‘Lou Dobbs = Sarah Palin’ post because the parallels are obvious (sure).

Such a pompous fool. The guy doesn’t have a political party, but he thinks he can be President. Because what he does have is…television.

‘Mr. Independent’ mulls White House bid

…Less than two weeks after announcing his departure from the cable network—and following a series of interviews in which Dobbs encouraged speculation about his political plans—the anchorman known to fans as “Mr. Independent” finally made his presidential ambitions explicit on former Sen. Fred Thompson’s radio show Monday.

Asked if he might make a run at the White House in 2012, Dobbs answered flatly: “Yes is the answer.”

“I’m going to be talking some more with some folks who want me to listen in the next few weeks,” Dobbs told Thompson. “Right now I’m fortunate to have a number of wonderful options.”…

Lou Dobbs spoke to Fred Thompson? Just how do cattle communicate?

Did I mention that Lou Dobbs is a miserable liar?

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Why vote for Sarah Palin? Cuz’ Hawtdumb ‘MERICA totes wants Hawtdumb PREZANENT

That’s right, ugly motherfuckers, choke on the electric flesh. Bask in the power of the g-stringed glands and the ever-present scent of musk–America’s first Sex President is here.

Sarah Palin stalks the White House like a lurking lady-tiger backs up on a man-tiger’s jungle cock. And by that I mean she’d appreciate your vote, yoo betcha. And then she’d like to roger you incontinent and have 99 of your kids, and it’s about fucking time we had a real President, right?

Because it’s fucking time. Please don’t be turned off by it. Don’t only be a prude in the New America. This is the free-wheeling kingdom of the twin royals, hot and dumb, dude. Where folks are celebrities not because of what they accomplish, what they think, or what they write. People are famous because of what they look like in your mind, naked and down on their knees. Well, at least until they begin to become un-famous. And then they become famous again for what their freshly-shaven vaginas look like just above the limo seats.

Hawtdumb ‘Merica has just had enough of the uptight snorts who demand that people be talented, accomplished or hard working in order for the public to pay proper attention. Why can’t folks be rewarded with important and serious stuff for being totally smokin’ and horny? Sure, they may not know how to diagnose your bronchitis, may get confused over which end of the stethoscope goes against your skin, but how do you know they won’t just whip off their shirts, too? People will clamor for office visits. And softer butcher paper, maybe by Playtex.

The open embrace of Hawtdumb is the secret joy of all those Conservatives who once were so stodgy-bored about their candidates having intellect, or fortitude, and gravitas. They’re finally free to admit that what they’ve really been about all this time is perceived sexual power. Tall men, deep voices and iron-square jaws and cranky attitudes, red, white, and blue, and boy howdy I bet that guy can really fuck. You’ve got my vote, Randy! Yeeeeeehaw.

Back in the old days, those guys were ‘winners’. They quarterbacked the football team, ran the debate squad, gave the valedictory speech. Wrote influential books, won awards. They got out of the house, got out of the home town, went off and did the things that Americans bragged about.

John McCain was a last vestige of that version of what Republicans wanted. He went to Annapolis, served the country, he went to war. But you can see how even that model has become mostly a memory for the right: John was actually a stupid student, a terrible pilot, crashed a bunch of planes, got shot down, barely survived. He’s been trying to be that guy, but failed. He should have just slipped into the House of Representatives for a few years and then gone home and retired.

But with their allowing the lapse of the previous ‘capable’ model, with so many ‘new’ stupid and clueless Republicans choking the scene, who else could they have turned to? The business-Mor-man, Mitt Romney? He scares the shit out of dogs. The preacher, Huckabee? He breeds zeppelins. Bobby Jindal? He’s brown–in all the South, that only plays in Louisiana.

So they settled for McCain. But while they were doing that, they also developed a taste for the new breed. The people that stirred up the most right-side excitement in the last election were the retardeds, Fred Thompson and Sarah Palin. No, neither one of them had done squat shit in their lives other than gravitate to cameras and traffic in politics. And neither of them had enough intellectual firepower to snap off a punchline. These people were close to being sleeping turtles, but Republicans just loved them and love them still.

Why? Indeed. Chris Matthews knows why, it was exactly what he was talking about when, of Fred, he asked a guest “Does he have sex appeal? … Gene, do you think there’s a sex appeal for this guy, this sort of mature, older man, you know? … Can you smell the English leather on this guy, the Aqua Velva, the sort of mature man’s shaving cream, or whatever, you know, after he shaved? Do you smell that sort of — a little bit of cigar smoke?” Men talking about men like that. I suppose it has to be done when it’s the only relevant issue about Fred Thompson’s hilariously fatal candidacy. That, and his hot young wife, same thing.

And so it is with Palin, but in supple spades. She is horny and porny and she shoots living, breathing things, making them jizz their blood. Yeeeeeehaw, that’s a happy ending. Does she know what the Bush Doctrine is? No. Does she read……mmm, newspapers? No. Hell, had she even been much outside of tiny Wasilla before she became the state’s Governor? Bite my nipples.

Had she ever anythinged, anywhere, anyway? Other than bankrupt her home town? Do I really have to go on with this post? Isn’t it obvious what the hell Sarah’s game and fame are about? This person, from the world of politicians, who once were known for their silver tongues and acrobatic ways with language? Who got off this sentence folksy line curious construction mind grinder felony alphabet abortion in a welcome address for Michael Reagan?

“I’ll know that I have spoken up and I will speak up to thank people like Mr. Reagan, as we honor his dad, to encourage you too, Alaskans, to do the same and don’t just hang in there and go along to get along but stand up and speak up, and be bold and demand that Washington be prudent with our public monies and prioritize for America’s security, and forget the political correctness that makes one guard your conversation, and couch our words so cautiously that they lose meaning, and we lose effectiveness, and then we lose hope because we start thinking that politicians are only worried about their poll numbers and attracting campaign contributions for their next bid so that they can hold on to some title and some position.”

Aaaaah. She’s speaking your language, Conservatives. Or, in an other word, “XCKYJIPHGLE”. So mellifluous, it rolls off your tongue, after your tongue has been stabbed in its balls. Can’t wait for that radio show of hers, satellites crashing into each other trying to zero the signal.

“What’s the emergency, Bob?”
“We’re getting a repeating message off of one of the TELSTARS. Strange.”
“Well, what is it?”
“Just this: NO. PLEASE. ANTENNAE.”


Okay, enough, no further. C’mon, we all know there’s really no sense in her mangling a radio station. Between the ubiquitous cable play-by-play of the Hiltons, Simpsons and Kardashians, we’re already drowning in hot helium. The real essential, underlying Palin message just isn’t English, isn’t language at all, but it is already abundantly clear, and it’s never going to change. Cheaply polarizing, stoking one side, horrifying the other, it’s this:

“America? I will fuck you.”

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