Oh, weren’t these people smart? Oh my. The Heritage Foundation:

And the Republican leaders:

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OHIO, HOUSE MINORITY LEADER: “Democrats aren’t listening to the people. This bill is dead.”

There’s plenty of terrific gloating going on. And, with the pleasure of looking back and laughing, there comes a realization that some idiots seem to keep getting caught in the goat pen. Fred Barnes, for one. Fred Barnes particularly:

This hilariously, pathetically dead-skunk-wrong declaration by the Executive Editor of the oh-so-serious-and-ultra-important Conservative Institution got me to wondering: just how goddamned stupid is Fred Barnes? Turns out there’s an answer to that, and the answer is this: extremely.

To make the point for himself, looking back, Fred can start with the healthcare effort which he obviously knew nothing about. He compounded that documented prescience by writing a post detailing how the political world got forever upended by Scott Brown’s victory in Massachusetts.

Barnes’ brilliant highlights of the New Political World, point by point:

Someone should have run and told Mitch McConnell he was the ‘new king of Capitol Hill’, he could have killed the dreaded legislation with a wave of his scepter. Or of some fabulous crimson-red right-wing fiat.

But Barnes’ insight is hardly limited to the dramas of recent law-making. Back in 2008, as the presidential campaigns came down to the wire, his genius similarly couldn’t hide.

The Huffington Post took an informal survey of 27 big-time ‘pundits’ on the probable results of the election. Hey, Fred — you’re a political expert who follows these things on a moment to moment basis, right? Who’s going to win it?

Election Predictions: Pundits Weigh In
The Huffington Post 11- 2-08

Fred Barnes, Weekly Standard editor
Winner: McCain
Electoral College: Obama 252 McCain 286 . .

Final tally: Obama 365, McCain 173. Pundits who predicted the poll leader, Obama, would win: 26. Barnes was the only one who ended up stunned by the Democratic blow-out. Mysteries.

So, he doesn’t understand Capitol Hill or campaigns. What about his fellow man, you ask? Perhaps he is the sort of man that knows men. Sadly, Barnes, given a year to get a handle on the election, couldn’t do any better at guessing who George W. Bush was — even after five years of junior’s presidency. For Fred, it made him a perfect candidate to write a lengthy biography of his fellow moron: “Rebel-in-Chief: Inside the Bold and Controversial Presidency of George W. Bush.”

So brimming with seductive intelligence and timeless enlightenment is it, it’s currently ranked #721,805 on Amazon.com. Go on, read it for yourself. Why not, when, if you’ve got a quarter in one of your pockets, you can pick up a couple dozen of Barnes’ hagiographies with the click of a button. And I mean brand spanking-new hardbacks, straight from Amazon:

A book by fey diet and exercise guru Richard Simmons, “Still Hungry After All These Years: My Story”, can be had for the same price, but only if it’s used. The new copies go for around $5. Richard is hanging in there at Amazon ranking #500,250, a couple hundred thousand slots higher than Fred.

Well, fine, Fred is no author either. He’s not exactly tapped into the culture, not keenly aware of what Americans are keen to devour.

Well, what does he know? Does he actually know anything at all? I have no idea what sort of actual intelligence Barnes has displayed, ever, anywhere, because I can’t find it. But I can tell you that he does seem to know how to be an obnoxious fucking prick.

For that assertion, I offer you his 2005 commentary on the Hurricane Katrina disaster. On a Fox News television set with fellow jerks Brit Hume and Charles Krauthammer, Barnes made clear his disgust with the irresponsible and predictable responses of the victims of the disaster:

Hey, Fred — don’t you have a house in Florida, or something? Yeah, I do, thanks for asking:

And now I will point out that Barnes’ Fox commentary was going on during the afternoon of August 29th, the same day that Katrina struck. So Fred was ripping the sure-to-be-greedy victims of the disaster while they were drowning by the dozens. The Superdome, where the nation’s live-feed lens witnessed the survivors’ mortal misery and desperation, the place that the Bush administration only bothered with days later, hadn’t even opened yet.

After the worst disaster in United States history, the terrible toll: 1,836 people dead, 705 missing, 90,000 square miles declared disaster areas, over $80 billion in losses, and Fred Barnes is a stupid asshole.

New Orleans, by contrast, continues to recover.

How these people manage to live with themselves is a mystery.

Chuck Grassley flip-flopped all over the place on the critical healthcare issues for most of 2009. But then the townhall screamers and racists made all the good headlines in late Summer. Being a spineless politician, he thought he saw a sure thing and threw his everything in with them.

Well, it’s now March 2010. Healthcare legislation passes, and, despite his fervent opposition and flat-out lying, what’s he saying today? That Americans can thank him for his ‘leadership.’

July: Why can’t I have decent healthcare, like you?

“You can. Go work for the federal government.”

August:

Asked about Sen. Chuck Grassley’s comment that end-of-life care could “pull the plug on grandma,” [Howard] Dean pointed out that the Iowa Republican had voted for a similar provision for Medicare only a few years ago.

“All the House did was essentially repeat the same thing that Senator Grassley voted for in 2003 in their bill,” Dean said. “Now, how you can morph that into ‘pulling the plug on grandma,’ I don’t know. I think it’s despicable. I think it’s awful, the lies that have come out on this bill that are just designed to frighten the daylights out of people.”

Time magazine:

And today:

Monday, March 22, 2010

Pelosi: “After We Pass This Bill, Being A Woman
Will No Longer Be A Pre-Existing Medical Condition”
Posted by: Greg Hengler at 2:38 PM

“What on earth is this woman talking about?”

This:

MAN, that takes me back.

Just this morning:

Obama Signs Executive Order Granting Nancy Pelosi Control Over Americans’ Medical Records

Merely minutes after signing historic and sweeping healthcare reform legislation today, President Obama surprised Republicans and thrilled his fellow Democrats by signing and issuing an Executive Order giving controversial House Speaker Nancy Pelosi access to every American’s medical records.

The order officially named the San Francisco Democrat the nation’s first Medical Records Review czar.

Pelosi wasted no time in declaring her intentions with her new position.

“I’ll be poking through every one of your personal records because . . uhh . . I care about you.”

[*knock knock*]

[door opens]

‘Hi, my name’s Tami. I’m going door to door signing up new voters for the Democratic Party. Are you already registered?’

‘Don’t waste your time, girlie. I am a life-long Republican, you’d sooner get kerosene from a turnip. Now you just run along . .’

“So how’s the diabetes, Bob?”

‘Wha –? Excuse me?’

“Your diabetes. Been monitoring your blood sugar, right? Keeping it in check I hope. Terrible, nasty disease.”

‘Wait — how the hell did you . .’

“Let’s just say I have smart friends. I understand, Bob, the dangle’s not showing the signs of life it once did. Doesn’t have the old hankering for Betty’s pork sandwiches like it once did, eh Bob? So sad, diabetes will do that.”

‘. . ooh noooo . .’

“You know what you need? You need some good ol’ insulin. Yep, insulin’s gonna take care of you, but good, Bob. Hey — you know who controls the supply of insulin, don’t’ ya Bob?”

‘. . alright, gimme the clipboard.’

“Terrific!”

‘Bastards.’

“Welcome to the Party! Now, where’s Betty?”

Shoot. And now we’ve fucked up again. Thanks anyways, Newt, for trying to stop us. History will show you were just being a mensch.

The brain-scratcher for Conservatives here is why. Why would anybody do this? Obviously, it makes no sense.

We’re just stupid. Or we’re Commies instructed to kill the country. Or we’re Socialists trying to break a chunk of the nation off and float it on over to Holland. Or we’re Nazis for whatever reasons Nazis do what they do.

Really — what reasonable reason could we possibly have for doing something as politically risky as reforming the entire healthcare system? Hell — why did we do the civil rights thing? I have no idea, neither does Newt.

Yesterday:

. . and . .

Today:

Conservative bloggers, to the rescue! Ann Althouse:

The members of Congress have a lot of power, and they ought to have to hear the anger their exercise of that power is causing. It’s outrageous for them to pose as victims without very good cause. So what if some idiot said a bad word? That’s a trivial distraction compared to the power they are about to exercise in the face of such strong opposition to what they are about to do.

So what if they spat on you and called you “n*gger”? Christ, you’re about to provide millions of Americans with healthcare — have you no decency, sir?

Pamela Geller, Atlas Shrugs:

Big media only deemed fit to cover the people’s revolution to smear, libel and sexually smear them (“tea baggers”).

This campaign of destruction culminated yesterday when a specious charge was made that a protester shouted “ni**er” at the Congressional Black Caucus. Color me skeptical. I am not sure why the Black Congressional Caucus deliberately chose to walk through the crowd as they shouted “killl the bill,” but it sure sounds like a set-up.

Walking through the Tea Partiers? Just what were the Black Congressional Caucus thinking? They know damn well that they’re Black. I smell a rat.

SO BIZARRE, his tossing off the “bipartisan cap” after running headlong into “intractable opposition from Republicans.”

Better Presidents, especially Republicans, never behave so unpredictably.

The Greatest Republican of them all, Abraham Lincoln, for instance, was the exact opposite. This is straight out of ‘D00d’s American Guide To Total History’:

South Carolina was like . . “Dude — you got elected?! Tssh, we’re outta here.”

And, so, Abraham was like . . “Aww, man, don’t go.”

And South Carolina was like . . “Ballz. We are gone.”

And, so, Abraham was like . . “C’mon, man, please stay.”

And South Carolina was like . . “Yeh, I don’t think so. It’s war.”

And, so, Abraham was like . . “Awww maan.”

And right there, hammer-struck with intractable opposition, he cleverly gave in, thankfully preserving a genocide The Negroes still call “slavery” the end.

March 19, 2010

Washington chaos portends Obama’s vision for America
By Chris Adamo

As the nationalized “Healthcare” debacle nears its end game, the people of America are increasingly shocked and disgusted by the raw ugliness of the Obama “governing” philosophy. Those platitudes of “hope and change” are gone, and in their place a thoroughly regretful American populace now witnesses, to its horror, the total desecration of this once triumphal constitutional republic.

Okay — Bob? You go piss in the Mississippi river.

Jerry? You graffiti the Grand Canyon. With, you know, something like . . a Jane Fonda Jesus. Or, like, dude hanging from the cross with a weird boner.

Brian, you relocate the apse by extending the Badlands a thousand miles in every direction.

Keith, you throw stones at the stained glass. What? Behind Mount Rushmore. Idiot.

And Rick — you turn the wheel at the Boulder Dam. That’ll kill the internet, and then the pipe organ won’t work.

Tee hee.

March 16, 2010

Obama like a bad date
By Jen Shroder

So President Obama has extended the health bill deadline yet AGAIN. What part of “no” does he not understand?

Hellooo, Jen. Ahhhhh yeahh, girl.

We keep rejecting him but he ignores our protests. His nudges have progressed into shoves as America is crowded like a cheap date into the backseat of his Pontiac.

O.G. pull and shoot MY LADY. Naw trubbles, naw wurries bitch. Good pussy Majority Party time for my clench-butt Farveh, uh . . Ferah, Favrah . . FARRAH. HAA. Helllooo teensy tight-ass Farrah from whevrah.

What’s that, Mah-Damm? Hmm — say what? OH yeah, that’s a promise. You just dig your heels in, ‘cuz once the rodeo begins, I will snap some real whiplash earthquake shit off. I will buck your quivering, naked tectonic ass-plate all night.

Like a cad who refuses to take “no” for an answer, Obama assures us over and over that he has the answer to all of our questions but doesn’t want to tell us what it is until after he’s had his way.

WHUT? . . AWWWWW. Shit, I, psshhh . . c’mon . . .

Most men this persistent get their faces slapped, but I doubt the Secret Service would understand.

WHA, WHY . . you . . . ?

. . okay, look — know what? Yeeaaahhh, YEAH, I know. You’re right, it’s my own fault.

I dig your independence, girl, keep my number.

When you want to accuse Obama of mindless healthcare fear-mongering, perhaps you should avoid this line of attack:

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Obama Evokes Fear, Calls for Courage
by Debra J. Saunders

As a candidate for president, Sen. Barack Obama rejected “the politics of fear.” Well, he won. So now he’s playing the fear card to the hilt.

He’s been taking the fear card from his scabbard and burying it in your back? Bastard. He produced a deck of playing cards and told you to pick a sword, any sword? “The jack of excaliburs, sir — was this it?”

He does he do that? It’s a mystery.

Monday, President Obama went to Strongsville, Ohio, to warn that unless his ObamaCare passes, middle Americans should be very afraid of the day when they (Fear No. 1) lose their job or income, then (Fear No. 2) fall seriously ill and then (Fear No. 3) receive the health care they need, but lose valued assets.

Obama’s intended prop was Natoma Canfield, a 50-year-old cleaning woman and cancer survivor who dropped her private health care policy after Anthem Blue Cross raised her premiums some 40 percent to $708 per month. In December, Canfield wrote to Obama telling him that she was going to drop her insurance rather than lose the home her parents built in 1958. Alas, Canfield could not attend, as she since was diagnosed with leukemia and was in the hospital Monday . .

YIKES.

The fear is not that if you are sick that you will be denied health care. Canfield is in a hospital, and according to Obama, “She expects to face a month or more of aggressive chemotherapy.”

And the fear is not irrational — as everyone knows that worst trifecta could befall many working Americans through no fault of their own.

. . hullo? Hellllloooooooo?

Premiums will go up if insurers have to cover more sick people. Costs will go up if the government subsidizes more Americans . .

And Americans are supposed to trust this bunch to curb costs? Buy me a T-shirt and call me stupid.

Fine. You’re welcome.

Say what you will about Glenn Beck, he’s no stealth wingnut. Sure, he’s dumber and crazier than a craphouse cockroach, but he’s not hiding it.

I beg you, look for the words ‘social justice’ or ‘economic justice’ on your church Web site. If you find it, run as fast as you can. Social justice and economic justice, they are code words. Now, am I advising people to leave their church? Yes!

He’s going after your church now, the one that preaches the Commie/Nazi concept of “social justice”. After rejecting calls for withdrawal from Iraq and for universal healthcare for his fellow Americans, should we be surprised by his attack on something so fundamental to so many churches and to the very teachings of Christ himself? I suppose not.

But it surprised me, so I guess I’m a bit of a naif:

Witness the evils of “social justice,” per John Rawls:

Rawls asserted that, “There is . . . a general presumption against imposing legal and other restrictions on conduct without sufficient reason. But this presumption creates no special priority for any particular liberty.” (at pp291–292) This is support for an unranked set of liberties that reasonable citizens in all states should respect and uphold — to some extent, the list proposed by Rawls matches the normative human rights that have international recognition and direct enforcement in some nation states where the citizens need encouragement to act in way that fixes a greater degree of equality of outcome.

* Freedom of thought;
* Liberty of conscience as it affects social relationships on the grounds of religion, philosophy, and morality;
* Political liberties (e.g. representative democratic institutions, freedom of speech and the press, and freedom of assembly);
* Freedom of association;
* Freedoms necessary for the liberty and integrity of the person (viz: freedom from slavery, freedom of movement and a reasonable degree of freedom to choose one’s occupation); and
* Rights and liberties covered by the rule of law.

Don’t know why churches should be so distant from all that good stuff. The truth is that, of course, they’re not:

. . since the Catholic Church, the Black Churches, the Mainline Protestant churches, more and more Evangelical and Pentecostal churches including Hispanic and Asian-American congregations all consider social justice central to biblical faith, Glenn Beck is telling all those Christians to leave their churches. Of course, Christians may disagree about what social justice means in our current political context — and that conversation is an important one — but the Bible is clear: from the Mosaic law of Jubilee, to the Hebrew prophets, to Jesus Christ, social justice is an integral part of God’s plan for humanity.

Is it any wonder that the Civil Rights movement came right out of the pews? Who was that guy again?

A caller wants to know: if the healthcare thing passes, how the hell will you ever see another doctor, Rush? They’ll all have the bubonic AIDS, dude.

Rush says “Don’t be silly, Richard, the doctors themselves won’t be any different. Besides, I make 40 million dollars a year, I can always hire my own top notch personal physician.”

I’m kidding, he says he’s leaving the country:

Dang: “The health care system in Costa Rica is subsidized by the State and offers low costs and high quality. If you become a citizen of Costa Rica you will be eligible for free health care as the Costa Rica Social Security System provides free medical services to all Costa Rican citizens . .”