Tag Archives: hoax

Pro-lifers never more lovable than just now

No, I wouldn’t say that conservatives were bad human beings. I wouldn’t say the Republicans who called Planned Parenthood to “sting” the group because the President mistakenly said they provided mammograms were pathetic. Hell, I wouldn’t say the arrogant hundreds, or thousands, who tied up the group’s phones, playing games with hard working people who only wanted to help others, were miserable brats. No, I wouldn’t say that.

I’d rather compliment LiveAction, the wink-wink clever bunch who really took a chunk out of Obama’s hide when they wasted everybody’s time. I’d also like to join in the mockery of the workers who fell for the political trick. The idiots who answered the phones over and over and over. Explained time and again how they do breast exams but refer people for mammograms. Took the callers’ bullshit questions seriously because they seemed to regard serious issues. And refused to lose their patience. What a bunch of morons, huh? Just look what they got in return — contempt, derision, and laughter. And, luckily, the internet role of a lifetime: pawns in the game of We Nailed Him. You don’t do mammograms, losers. Cram that in your cancer screenings.

So huzzah and congratulations, wingnuttes. Your MAMMOSHAM really showed them.

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K-Lo confuses reality with abortion hoax

Kathryn Lean Lopez, resident obtuse humorless Catholic at National Review, does research. You walk past the oscilloscopes, through the Nuclear Magnetic Resonance laboratory at the end of the hall, and waaaay back there, you find her. Switching knobs, twirling dials. Monitoring the output.

Liberty’s Beating Heart

I turned on my television Thursday morning and heard a beating heart.

It was the beautiful, vulnerable sound of an unborn baby’s still-developing heart, transmitted by ultrasound. “We don’t know her eye color,” the voiceover said. “Whether she’ll be a redhead or brunette . .”

But we all know she’ll have 50 states and plenty of coastline. K-Lo hears the beating heart of America. As always, she’s wrong.

The ad was for a medical group in northern Virginia. “Join the future of health,” the commercial urged.

It was quite the paradox that later that same day, the House of Representatives voted down a bill to prohibit sex-selective abortion.

They voted ‘No’ even after the ad? My life, bagled. We live in a dystopia where legislators can simply ignore whatever makes K-Lo cry. What has happened to us? When did we come ’round to thinking randomly produced, cleverly edited clips were less than Reality Itself?

. . a search for the missing girls around the world tells a different story — as does a click on one of Live Action’s new undercover videos, reminding us that brutality and unjust laws are not foreign to America.

Directed by brave young Lila Rose, one of the latest investigative videos shows a woman in Planned Parenthood’s flagship clinic in Manhattan explaining that she has been married for seven years, has a daughter, and now wants a son. Just as Live Action has encountered before, a Planned Parenthood worker doesn’t flinch in the facilitation of a sex-selective abortion.

Wrong again. “The employee asked the activist, ‘And have you guys — you know, ’cause we’re required to discuss all of the, you know, a patient’s options — is adoption something that you were interested in considering?’” That part was edited out, so, no flinchies nyah nyah.

Did someone say something about a war on women? Live Action just exposed one.

Wrong again again. When actors pretend to do something, it doesn’t really happen.

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The Dumbest Global Warming Post (early 2012 ed.)

The global warming hoax is now killing people
By Alan Caruba | February 14, 2012

By Friday, February 10th, an estimated 500 Europeans had died from the freezing weather gripping the continent. This is the price they and British citizens are paying for embracing the global warming hoax, spending billions for wind power when they should have been building coal-fired and other sources of energy to heat their homes and businesses.


SHORTER merkin-chin ice storm banshee and fly ash re-gifter, Alan Caruba:

“Wind power electrons, brrrr. Coal power electrons, ahhh.”


Did he get ya? Alan’s clever take on global warming was targeted for the conservative Christian crowd at Renew America, not you. You maybe knew electricity itself could be used to make heat. Scientists have shown that power plants, beyond their walls, are not capable of radiating in the infra-red more than a couple inches. Nuclear power plants are famously another story. Corralling the ash begs sending crews to distant continents.

Is Alan really this dumb? Yes:

I and others have been warning for years that the Earth has been cooling since 1998 and that the planet is on the cusp of a new ice age . . All aspects of global warming legislation and spending programs must be utterly reversed if we are not going to see huge losses of life and the disruption of entire economies.

But whatever will we do with the BILLIONS of turbines? Somebody get me Wikipedia. Quote: “In a normal wind year, 5.3% of the EU’s electricity is produced from wind power.” Err, the THOUSANDS of turbines? And why don’t they operate in snow storms, again? The wind freezes. Oh, right right right. Solving global warming is harder than I thought.

Meanwhile, think of all the Belgians sitting in their homes waiting for burning sod to be pumped through the alternating current ducts. Ha ha, waffle people, there’s only an icy wind kicking around the transformers and batteries of Euro Power any more. Maybe you can set fire to the Stradivarius in the dungeon.

The Ottawa Citizen published an Agence France Presse article on Friday reporting that “Thick ice closed vast swaths of the Danube on Thursday . .” No shipping means no delivery of coal and oil and no shipping of food and other necessities.

Electricity won’t be able to eat. Electricity won’t be able to shower. Who can work in these conditions?

“Many of the dead were homeless people, who literally froze to death as the temperatures dropped to minus 50 degrees in some parts of the continent. Their bodies were found in the streets buried under snow, in rivers, and in doorways.”

Gonna try to find the village turbine. Gotta go blow on it.

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‘Herman Cain Pac’ and low-class warfare

Don’t you think it’s a good idea to call someone an ‘ugly bitch’? I do. It’s a smooth move. And it reflects well upon your candidate:

No, it’s not a hoax, I checked.


ADD: Good job by the DailyKos people, but it’s not a hoax because this isn’t a PAC. It’s a ‘PAC.’ As ‘bunker’ sites and ‘headquarters’ pages are not actually caves or buildings, this is an aggregator site for pro-Cain posts and media run by a fan(s). If anyone mistakenly believed Herman Cain himself were behind the post (really?), I apologize for that.

This is a post collected and then re-posted on the site. Original poster MP traces back to his MofoPolitics site, a real Conservative politics site, ads and all. Here’s the original post. Here’s MP’s Twitter page, with 13,000 plus tweets. I checked on MP’s site and saw the OP and other posts going back a year and noted his penchant for ‘eww gross’-ing on liberal women, so I posted the image. Unless the Herman Cain Pac site was specifically and only put up to bury an obnoxious post by a real person on page two of the site, this is exactly what it always appeared to be: the misogynist graffiti of Cain fans.

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It’s time someone took Kitty Werthmann down a peg

Hullooo, it’s me! Say, pals, are you sick of propaganda? Have you grown tired of hysteria? Lately you feel like slapping the next fool who compares Adolf Hitler to Obama?

Get ready to knock an old lady off her rocker. Kitty Werthmann is a shriveled wingnut with a killer gig. An Austrian survivor of the Third Reich, Kitty speaks to conservative throngs. She wows them with first-hand accounts of life under Adolf. Which, I’ll admit, is pretty interesting stuff, if only it stopped there.

But the actual tortured past is not enough for Kitty. Today’s glorious right-wing offers too much money and adoration. So she appears before Tea Party crowds, talks about how Hitler employed millions, built freeways and ass-fucked humanity, and the teabaggers turn to jelly. They go home and start breathless internet threads about Obammunist Fascism, or they send you annoying e-mails featuring this wrinkled prune of doom.

Like her, Kitty’s routine is old and lazy. A gift of the lottery of long life, her eyewitness schtick is: You Americans I’m warning you. Your Socialist president is Adolf Hitler. You can’t argue with that! Bet me. She was there! Fuck off and buy some breath mints.

“In 1938, the media reported that Hitler rolled into Austria with tanks and guns and took us over. Not true at all. The Austrian people elected Hitler by 98% of the vote by means of the ballot box. Now, you might ask, ‘How could a Christian nation, almost 100% Catholic, to elect a monster like Hitler?’ The truth is, at the beginning, Hitler didn’t look like or talk like a monster at all. He talked like an American politician.”

. . the crowd breaks into applause, the jig is up, and Kitty’s off and running. You see? Barack’s a mere couple months from gassing you.

Sadly, she has no gift for haute entertainment: Kitty doesn’t know when to let a crowd off the hook. She is Adolf and overkill, nothing else. After the opening, she smashes the bank of right-wing hot buttons with everything she’s got: politicians, speeches, child care, centralization, Bella Jesse Boxer Abzug, nationalization of the car industry, nationalization of the banks, nationalization of churches and farms, the ERA(?), abortion, Mexicans, communists, political indoctrination, euthanasia, Deutscheland Uber Alles, and gun control. And thus the point: it’s all the same!

But Kitty’s pathetic. Wanna know why the idiot historians said “In 1938, the media reported Hitler rolled into Austria with tanks and guns and took us over”? Because, in 1938, Hitler rolled into Austria with tanks and guns and took the country over.

Under growing pressure from German-supported Austrian National Socialists and Hitler (who was born in Austria), Austrian Chancellor Kurt Schuschnigg felt his nation could soon be consumed by its aggressive neighbor. Schuschnigg called for a national plebiscite on the question of remaining an independent nation. It was so effective a ploy, the vote likely resulting in a rejection of Germany, that it catalyzed the end of free Austria: the home-baked Nazis rose up, and Hitler threatened a Guernica-style attack. Seeing bloodshed in the offing, Schuschnigg and his cabinet resigned. The tanks rolled in the next day, and Hitler swung by a couple days later. That’s when they held a second sham plebiscite where (whaddyaknow!) the Nazis won.

Werthmann starts her talks by citing that vote — which Hitler’s minions claimed they won by not 98%, but 99%, never verified — as the dishonest way to warn you how easily the decimation of America, the death of you and the initiation of genocide could happen.

I’d call her preposterous, but watch the video distillation for yourself. She’s more than that. What do you say about the purposes of someone who, in 2011, is telling you the witnesses lied in 1938? That it was Hitler who told the truth? What do you note of someone who warns that liberals are crazy, murderous lunatics? “Keep your guns! Keep your guns and buy more guns!” Kitty’s living proof a krotchet-munch can outlive the Third Reich.


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Fox News breaks big story: every L.A. policeman to get a jetpack

They report. You point and laugh.

. . but here’s my thing: you gotta make up some rules. Because you could have jetpacks flying into choppers.


There are only 10,000 cops in Los Angeles. So I suppose everybody gets to take their service jetpacks home at night. And a billion dollars? That’s the yearly LAPD budget.

I’m disappointed to say I haven’t yet laughed at this clip because these people are so stupid that it depresses me a little. Has anybody in a helicopter ever made an arrest? Have the Crips figured out how to fly?

How did this happen? Because the powers that be at Fox, the producers and writers, read the Weekly World News.

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Texas ranches seized by band of Mexican drug assassins! Standoff! Bloodbath! Left-wing media blackout!

Laredo, Texas, wiped off the map by a Mexican drug cartel! Ranchers dragged out of their homes! Shot! Slugged! Slapped! Gutted and wrapped in foil! Grilled with salt and lemon!

Digger’s Realm
BREAKING: Multiple Ranches In Laredo, TX Taken Over By Los Zetas
By Digger / July 24, 2010 04:11 AM

The bloodbath continues along our southern border and now word is coming in that Los Zetas, the highly trained killers bad mexy 2formerly with the Gulf Cartel, have crossed into the United States and taken over at least two ranches in the Laredo, Texas area. I am receiving word that the owners of the ranches have evacuated without being harmed. The source is law enforcement in the area.

(Update 2 story is now 100% confirmed by second source within the Laredo Police Department)

Founder of the San Diego Minutemen Jeff Schwilk tipped me off to this story and passes along the following information on the location. The ranches are said to be “near Mines Rd. and Minerales Annex Rd about 10 miles NW of I-35″.

I’m sure the Minutemen aren’t given to panic! Especially over incendiary stories about border violence! By all means, let’s listen to an honest man like Jeff!

There is currently a standoff between the unknown size Zeta forces and U.S. Border Patrol and local law enforcement on two ranches on our side of the Rio Grande. The source tells us he considers this an “act of war” and that the military is needed on the border now!

AAAAUUUGGHHH! I’M SCARED! AND PATRIOTIC!

Anonymous sources in law enforcement in the Laredo area tonight have passed on word that US law enforcement agencies are in the area and are weighing their options regarding the ranches.

THEY”RE SCARED TOO! YIKES! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

scared bear alsoThe media has been silent on this incident and some law enforcement in the area says that they are furious that the media is not reporting the whole story of the continued violence along the border. Their frustrations are understandable because keeping the truth suppressed continues to hamper law enforcement from receiving the true support they need along the border.

TRUTH COMING! HELP ON THE WAY! YOU PEOPLE ARE MORONS!

“Starting to smell like a hoax.”

*sniff* *sniff* I don’t smell anything.

As far as a hoax, that is a willfully done falsity. Why would I sacrifice my 8 year old website and any benefit I can provide the issue I have dedicated my life to on a fake story?

SEE ABOVE!

As for the mud slinging, sling away. I have put my name on the line, you have put an anonymous moniker on the line. As a reader I would put my faith in the veteran blogger of 8 years, with a proven track record, rather than some commenter who just showed up a few hours ago.

I stand by the story. You obviously have not read what a media blackout entails.

WHAT? IT’S A BLACK OUT! IT’S BLACKED OUT!

Here is another source claiming that authorities in Laredo will not confirm or deny.

VERY BLACK! GOOD REPORTING!

Hector Garcia , a city council member of the City of Laredo TX, has returned my phone call and aboslutely denied that any armed conflict has occured with the Laredo PD. He is quoting the Chief of Police, Carlos Maldonado. Mr Garcia went on to say that it appears two ranchers had a disagreement.

scary mexican too

I STILL SAY SOMETHING”S WRONG!

Is this really happening? Probably not (despite the upsurge in violence just over the border), but what’s even scarier than the heavily armed Zetas is that stories like this have become difficult to confirm or refute.

WHY DIDN”T WE KNOW? IT’S SO FISHY! I AM SCARED AGAIN!

We know that the establishment media places supporting Obama far ahead of informing the public. But as for whether a blanket of silence has been thrown over a military incursion — in the short term, we can only guess.

UNLESS THEY BLACK OUT THE BLACK OUT! THEN WE’LL NEVER KNOW! EXCEPT FOR I JUST MENTIONED IT! HOLY CRAP, I JUST BEAT THE BLACK OUT! WELL TECHNICALLY IT’S THE ‘BLACK OUT’ BLACK OOT! WHOA LOOK AT THAT TYPO! STARTING TO FREAK HERE! I KNEW — wait, now it’s a ‘military incursion’?

In a totalitarian state, rumors supplant news. We’re not there yet, but we can see it from here.

WE MADE IT UP! THAT PROVES OBAMA’S A FASCIST! IMPEACHMENT!

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Now that you Conservative sleuths have exposed all our liberal conspiracies, what can I do but confess?

I take off my beret to you, Conservative Columbos. I wish I could say it was all a misunderstanding on your part, it was just your indulging a fitful imagination, you and your ‘crazy talk.’ I would have loved to pull out an old chestnut like that one, but, look, you’ve just got us beat.

It’s time that we did what we never, ever do–tell the truth. And that is this: you have us cold. Yes, we did it. We were trying to damage you. We were trying to embarrass you. We were trying to knock down your nation, the United States of America. And, in so doing, we were hiding the shocking truths about our sordid political ambitions and lives from getting out into the world where horrified Americans would recoil at our hanging around, asses stuffed with balloons of heroin, wallets spilling over with kiddie porn and all. But you found us out, and you exposed us, and you put a stop to our best-laid plans to tear this nation apart. We, after poring over the broken pieces, would be assembling Iranian centrifuges with the remains right about now.

But first, there was the “Stop The Charlie Brown Christmas Special and its Christian Wholesomeness” project. As you know, Charles Schulz’s animated transformation of The Living Bible is a ringing endorsement of the Republican Party, so we figured we’d do something about it.

And we did: we contacted the White House to coordinate an attack on its airing. The President himself decided that he’d schedule a needless speech, at some place like West Point, addressing some odd thing like the War in Afghanistan, opposite the cartoon special in order to get the networks to pre-empt it, blacking the Conservative sermon out.

Yeah, but didn’t you see through that quickly? Republican stalwart and not-at-all-ironically named Mayor of Arlington, Tennessee, Russell Wiseman, called it immediately.

“Ok, so, this is total crap, we sit the kids down to watch ‘The Charlie Brown Christmas Special’ and our muslim president is there, what a load…..try to convince me that wasn’t done on purpose. Ask the man if he believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and he will give you a 10 minute disertation about it….w…hen the answer should simply be ‘yes’….”

DAMN YOU, Wiseman, you’re a pest. You Jesus protecting Sonuvabitch. We’d only begun to explore the possibility of staggering the speech’s TV broadcasts across time zones in order to block Charlie Brown nationwide, instead of only on the eastern seaboard. We thought we’d just start by annoying the Peanuts faithful in Tennessee, but Russell was too smart for that. We’ll remember this, buddy.

“…you obama people need to move to a muslim country…oh wait, that’s America….pitiful.”

charlie-brown-christmasAAAUUGH–Wiseman again, throwing darts right between our eyes. Yes, we’ve turned your America into a filthy Muslim coven, now, for the love of Saddam, stop mentioning it.

That was bad enough, but then you all figured out this one, too: we have been bastardizing Google. We’ve had our filthy Lucy-diddling fingers all over the innernets’ most famous search engine.

We just couldn’t stand the way you’ve been knocking down our pet projects, one by one, by getting our secrets out on the web. Your writers, pols, and, especially, your bloggers have been frankly too intuitive and too quick for us to handle.

So we knew we had to corrupt the Googly. We called up the proprietors, whoever the hell they are, and told them that searches for popular right-wing terms had to get jerked around from now on. And they said “Well, we are a pioneering internet company, thus, we enjoy the butt sex. Done!”

But only minutes after our “TripleX/Gomorrah/QueryBang 1.0″ program launched, the whole scheme got exposed:

“…So it took an anonymous tipster to set me off on a brewing bit of fraud going in in the Google search service: They are ham-handedly altering the suggested search terms in order to promote a coverup of ‘Climategate.’…

But Google wants us to believe nobody is searching for Climategate despite it being such a big story, but I have evidence that it’s merely a coverup for political purposes.

My evidence is in the behavior of the feature itself. Watch what happens if you type in Climatega, nearly typing in the entire word Climategate:

climatega

Well that’s odd. Nobody’s searching for climategate at all. But wait: It’s not showing me words that start with Climatega. Rather, it’s showing me words that start with Climategua. Seems like a bug, right? Like those letters got pointed to the wrong place, almost.

Let’s back it up a letter and type in Climateg…

…still no climategate. Let’s back up another letter:

climate

Well what do we have here? Climate gate scandal. (more…)

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National ‘news’ industry, entertain or die: reality show schemer Richard Heene punk’d the entire system

The balloon happened to get away, maybe the kid was in it? Okay, call out the helicopters, whatever. It comes down, no boy inside? Well, fine, there’s no story. Absolutely no news. False alarm, nothing to report.

Like ‘man aboard boat hears splash, jumps in water to save girlfriend.’ No, she didn’t fall in? Then why the hell is it the lead story on every single national news outlet? National entertainment, that’s why.

The kid even confesses “…you guys said…that, ummm…we did this for the show…”, and the sudden truth doesn’t mean a goddamned thing to Wolf Blitzer. Because it doesn’t matter why it happened, it only matters that Blitzer got the money interview:


You think that now your kid is totally overwrought, puking on camera, that maybe you should shut the hoax down? Of course not, you may never get a second shot at so many pigeons:


What loving, caring parents. Meredith Vieira, for godssakes, will stop the interview before the Heenes will.

Richard Heene’s Aquaintances Say They Think Balloon Boy Incident May Have Been A Hoax

Friends and former colleagues of Richard Heene, the father of Falcon Heene, are beginning to publicly doubt Heene’s accounts of the “Balloon Boy” incident.

On Good Morning America Friday morning, Scott Stevens, who used to work with Richard Heene as a storm chaser before he quit due to disagreements over whether Heene should bring his family on missions, described his former partner as a “schemer.” He told ABC’s Robin Roberts the following:

“I believe that Richard had a plan to send this craft aloft,” said Scott Stevens, who used to work as a “storm chaser” with Heene. “Whether it was to leave the illusion that there was a boy on board, I don’t know. [But] I believe it was a premeditated launch.”


And just how does anyone climb inside a completely closed balloon ‘craft’?


It’s incredibly shocking that anyone fell for this. Our news media are a willingly, wantonly moronic bunch of airtime-gobbling zombies. That’s the story.

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Hopeless stupidity of Conservatives 2: ACORN staff ‘homicidal prostitute’ punks Fox, headlines Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck

This one almost defies description–it is just awesome in its brazen stupidity, shocking obliviousness to real life and naked lust to equate the community organizing group ACORN to the ethnic Satan-dong-smooching baby-pinchers Conservatives are sure they really are.

Internet douche and domestic-terrorist apologist Andrew Breitbart (previously hammered, here) has made himself a 'Til death, which will be soon.legend this week by running video ‘sting operations’ on ACORN staffers, getting them to say stupid things, tolerant of perhaps criminal activities, that get the group into hot water.

The gambit: two extremely white people come in and pretend to be a pimp and prostitute. Why the ACORN folks ever fell for this pathetic crap, we’ll never know, but the actors pretend to need help, and by-the-way they know of some underage El Salvador kidnapped sex slaves. Hey–isn’t that cool? So goes the sophisticated ‘sting’ script.

It’s had some success in getting staffers to play along a little too ‘live-and-let-live’ for even ACORN executives to be comfortable with: firings have followed, funding has been whacked.

But now, Breitbart, doing the same schtick and with Fox in tow, just hit the Conservative Media JACKPOT. An ACORN staffer professes to have been a hooker!! And to have murdered her husband!! And she says…‘good for you, you, and all your new sex slaves b-movie cracker pimp and prostitute!!’

DEAR ME. This certainly brings up a number of questions, doesn’t it? Like, how ever did the largest name in cable television news so easily fall for it? Why wouldn’t they even begin to vet a lurid story from a dubious internet douche like Breitbart? Why are Conservatives utterly immune to real comedy?

Turns out not all ACORN staffers are dumb, this one smelled a rat from the beginning. Playing along with these weirdos in her office, not knowing how bottomlessly stupid Conservatives are, she made the headlines of all of megacorporation Fox News’ biggest hitters.

When the actors approached Ms. Kaelke with their provocative costuming and outlandish scenario, she could not take them seriously. So she met their outrageousness with her own personal style of outrageousness. She matched their false scenario with her own false scenarios.

“They were not believable”, said Ms. Kaelke of the two actors. (more…)

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not so true love story, the rosenblats

Oprah Winfrey once dubbed it the “greatest love story” she had ever heard: a boy held at a Nazi concentration camp during World War II and a girl on the outside who tossed him apples to keep him alive. They eventually married and grew old together.

Liars never mean any harm. I’m lying of course, but don’t take it personally.

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