First, the fling with Donald Trump. Then Michele Bachmann copped a feel or two. Rick Perry looked a ‘N*gger McDreamy’ for all the world, but he opened his mouth. Herman Cain shoved m’lady’s head in his crotch (. . thiiiiiinnnnkiiiiing . .) to no satisfaction. She scores X at Ron Paul’s on the weekends, but that’s all. And, lo, there Mitt Romney stands, hands folded, outside her door. Waiting.
But there’s just no talking to her. She happens to be in love with Newt . .
November 30, 2011
Gingrich up big in Florida and Montana
Public Policy Polling
Newt Gingrich’s momentum is continuing to build, and he now leads Mitt Romney by over 25 points in both Florida and Montana.
In Florida Gingrich is at 47% to 17% for Romney, 15% for Herman Cain, 5% for Ron Paul, 4% for Michele Bachmann, 3% for Jon Huntsman, 2% for Rick Perry, 1% for Rick Santorum, and 0% for Gary Johnson.
That’s not remarkable. It’s insane. How the hell did he do it? I’ve written too much about Newt the Grifter Dumbass already, so I won’t go there again. I won’t re-hash his endless deception. Instead, I’ll offer a quick psycho-sexual sketch.
For whatever latent reason, it just now occurred to Republicans he’s the only real man in the bunch. Call it ‘White Wiener and the 7 Snausages.’ The swelling of Newt’s chances has come as a result of the Gerrymandered sexual circuits that complicate Conservatives’ political cognition. In the tangle of neural wingnuttia, visceral rage and outward divisiveness are signs of competitition and sexual domination. Or, in jargon even the National Review can understand: Porky Newt acts a stud. And ‘stud’ is what they’re really interested in.
Mr. Coconut Puff is a man because he’s willing to look an audience in the eye and cut worthless Americans to pieces. And it’s time someone did! When you’re a dumb asshole, that’s some fucking exciting. Just watch. Newton shifts his girth toward the podium, lowers his jaw, then his brow, and delivers a load . .
“We have to decide we’re going to replace the left.”
Unnnnggh. Your BVDs getting any tighter, Biff? Sure they are. Anybody think for a second Mitt The Total Pussy would say that? Never. How about this:
“Really poor children in really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works . . They have no habit of ‘I do this and you give me cash’ unless it’s illegal.”
Pull off my Bermudas, honey, they’re not fit for wearing. Send in the Guinean maid (eggh, she’ll make it worse [send her now]). Have Herman Cain’s balls ever gotten that big? In his co-worker’s/friend’s/misstress’s lawsuit’s dreams.
You gabardine seam squeezers are in great shape. You can count on Newt the Buck rocking your every hot button from here to the White House. That’s the sick sort of stamina that makes Conservatives swoon. So congratulations Mary Kate, it’s true love.
Fire away, lard butt! Stroke it for us.
. . if you want to put people in jail . . start with Barney Frank and Chris Dodd.
Barney? The gay homo cocksucker? God damn, that is beautiful.