First, the fling with Donald Trump. Then Michele Bachmann copped a feel or two. Rick Perry looked a ‘N*gger McDreamy’ for all the world, but he opened his mouth. Herman Cain shoved m’lady’s head in his crotch (. . thiiiiiinnnnkiiiiing . .) to no satisfaction. She scores X at Ron Paul’s on the weekends, but that’s all. And, lo, there Mitt Romney stands, hands folded, outside her door. Waiting.

But there’s just no talking to her. She happens to be in love with Newt . .

November 30, 2011
Gingrich up big in Florida and Montana
Public Policy Polling

Newt Gingrich’s momentum is continuing to build, and he now leads Mitt Romney by over 25 points in both Florida and Montana.

In Florida Gingrich is at 47% to 17% for Romney, 15% for Herman Cain, 5% for Ron Paul, 4% for Michele Bachmann, 3% for Jon Huntsman, 2% for Rick Perry, 1% for Rick Santorum, and 0% for Gary Johnson.

That’s not remarkable. It’s insane. How the hell did he do it? I’ve written too much about Newt the Grifter Dumbass already, so I won’t go there again. I won’t re-hash his endless deception. Instead, I’ll offer a quick psycho-sexual sketch.

For whatever latent reason, it just now occurred to Republicans he’s the only real man in the bunch. Call it ‘White Wiener and the 7 Snausages.’ The swelling of Newt’s chances has come as a result of the Gerrymandered sexual circuits that complicate Conservatives’ political cognition. In the tangle of neural wingnuttia, visceral rage and outward divisiveness are signs of competitition and sexual domination. Or, in jargon even the National Review can understand: Porky Newt acts a stud. And ‘stud’ is what they’re really interested in.

Mr. Coconut Puff is a man because he’s willing to look an audience in the eye and cut worthless Americans to pieces. And it’s time someone did! When you’re a dumb asshole, that’s some fucking exciting. Just watch. Newton shifts his girth toward the podium, lowers his jaw, then his brow, and delivers a load . .

“We have to decide we’re going to replace the left.”

Unnnnggh. Your BVDs getting any tighter, Biff? Sure they are. Anybody think for a second Mitt The Total Pussy would say that? Never. How about this:

“Really poor children in really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works . . They have no habit of ‘I do this and you give me cash’ unless it’s illegal.”

Pull off my Bermudas, honey, they’re not fit for wearing. Send in the Guinean maid (eggh, she’ll make it worse [send her now]). Have Herman Cain’s balls ever gotten that big? In his co-worker’s/friend’s/misstress’s lawsuit’s dreams.

You gabardine seam squeezers are in great shape. You can count on Newt the Buck rocking your every hot button from here to the White House. That’s the sick sort of stamina that makes Conservatives swoon. So congratulations Mary Kate, it’s true love.

Fire away, lard butt! Stroke it for us.

. . if you want to put people in jail . . start with Barney Frank and Chris Dodd.

Barney? The gay homo cocksucker? God damn, that is beautiful.

The wingnut smear machine approaches peak stench vortex. Someone as atomically pro-business, as capable of destroying poor third world countries through brutal austerity measures, through transferring mountains of cash from the poor to the rich, has got to be a terrific guy.

The counter-blame for the damaging, disgusting, baseless accusations that International Monetary Fund chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn sexually assaulted a maid in a posh hotel fly at convenient targets.

Actor, Nixon employee and wingnut dullard Ben Stein does his part:

In what possible way is the price of the hotel room relevant except in every way: this is a case about the hatred of the have-nots for the haves, and that’s what it’s all about. A man pays $3,000 a night for a hotel room? He’s got to be guilty of something. Bring out the guillotine.

You can imagine the destitute and homeless spying upon the ultra-ritzy Sofitel hotel. Once someone has the gall to check into the place’s priciest suite, they send up one of their operatives (a “maid”) to forcibly fellate the guy. That is entirely likely.

I am sure she is a fine woman. On the other hand, I have had hotel maids that were complete lunatics, stealing airline tickets from me, stealing money from me, throwing away important papers, stealing medications from me. How do we know that this woman’s word was good enough to put Mr. Strauss-Kahn straight into a horrific jail?

No doubt she’s a fine woman, but she could be a criminal lunatic. Could be a double agent, working to both clean and dirty the rooms. Might slyly sanitize things both for your protection, and to try to kill you. These are all entirely and simultaneously possible.

Super-French philosopher genius Bernard-Henri Levy throws in his two Francs:

I do not know—but, on the other hand, it would be nice to know, and without delay—how a chambermaid could have walked in alone, contrary to the habitual practice of most of New York’s grand hotels of sending a “cleaning brigade” of two people, into the room of one of the most closely watched figures on the planet.

. . it’s so simple. The insurgent housecleaning staff subdued Strauss-Kahn’s cleaning crew and locked them in the trunk of a waiting linen hamper. Mmmphphmmph. Meanwhile, climbing up the dumbwaiter was their most dangerous agent . . DOUBLE-O-LIMPIAR (licensed to debase herself). In the matter of, oh, two minutes, the operation was over. He had ejaculated on her uniform, and she had been spirited off by hovercraft to an Interpol station.

You know, all this tingly detective work reminds me that some of the usual villains are missing from the plot. How about the Jews?

Fear not, fans of predictable suspense — Power Line blog to comes to the rescue:

Comedian Robert Klein captures something of the pride and insecurity of the Jewish people with a bit that seems to erupt from his subconscious. In his most recent HBO special he advises the audience: “Bernie Madoff — not Jewish. I hear he’s really Episcopalian. Jack Abramoff, not Jewish. Sully Sullenberger is Jewish. I know his family, from Boston. They’re herring merchants.”

I thought of Klein’s list yesterday. Now he can update it with the addition of IMF Managing Director and accused rapist Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Dominique Strauss-Kahn — not Jewish. Hey, his name is Dominique.

Heh, oops. It was in New York, after all.

Meet Father Ignatius Kury. He’s not the manliest prisoner on the planet.

“I’ll give you the Sermon on the Mount. Your Sermon on the Mount is this: get these fucking cuffs OFF of me because I’m GETTING a RASH . .”

Video captures bizarre jailhouse rant of alleged drunk driving priest
By David Edwards | 03.3.11

Police say that Father Ignatius Kury of Holy Ghost Ukrainian Byzantine Catholic Church was drunk when he crashed his car [in] Brimfield Township, Ohio.

Note to priests — this would be a lame prison threat:

“Oprah Winfrey’s gonna have her vag down here, and YOU are gonna have your ass against the wall.”

The priest was so unhinged that officers decided to record him in his cell offering them oral sex and promising that Oprah Winfrey would rescue him. At one point, Kury even offered a rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

“I want you to see me America . .

. . . I want you to love me.”

Deal.

As predictably as the sun rising in the East, the right wing have begun to laud and defend James O’Keefe.

Because a guy who conspires with three of his fellow conservative idiots, two of whom dress as telephone repair men and demand access to Senator Mary Landrieu’s phones and electronic equipment, is a great American. Why wouldn’t he be?

Free James O’Keefe By Ben Stein on 2.1.10 @ 6:09AM

. . The men, under the leadership of a young media impresario named James O’Keefe, were querying why constituents of Sen. Landrieu had been unable to register negative feelings about Obamacare on the Senator’s phone line. They had been told that perhaps the phones were out of order…

The New York Times had a front page story about the men and their conservative college pranks. At the top of the story was a photo of each of the men in prison orange.

This was presumably to humiliate these men…

You can blame the police, too, for that cheap humiliation. Jerks.

I don’t see it that way. These men were journalists trying to get a story. They didn’t even touch a phone as far as I can learn. They were undercover reporters and TV operators. But that doesn’t matter. Their real crime was disturbing the peace and quiet of the nation’s liberal establishment and embarrassing ACORN. For this, these young overeager guerrilla journalists are charged with a federal crime. (“First Amendment? What’s that?”)

“Illegal? What’s that?” Remarkable. I’m sure if four liberal moonbat mudslingers invaded Senator John Cornyn’s office and got arrested for the same ‘journalism’, Ben would write an editorial. And it’d be the opposite.

Also, poor little Jimmie:

Interviewed on Fox just moments ago, Andrew Breitbart claimed that alleged Landrieu phone tamperer James O’Keefe “sat in jail for 28 hours without access to an attorney.”…

Breitbart complained that after the news of the arrests broke last Tuesday, O’Keefe’s attorney and Breitbart himself were being called by the media but they could not locate O’Keefe — “and that’s because he was sitting in jail without access to an attorney,” Breitbart said.

He accused the U.S. attorney of leaking information to the media in a “concerted effort” to frame the episode in a way that would put O’Keefe in a bad position.

Maybe O’Keefe put O’Keefe in a bad position? No?

He screwed up. Why can’t he accept blame, apologize and pay his debt to society? Why are Conservatives angry with everybody else except the guy who screwed up? Why proclaim your ‘values’ to be sacred and then forget them?

Strobelight ethics. When you’re a Republican, brickbats stand taller than values.

Does being a stupid cocksucker qualify?

The bottom line here is that, biblically, those “who practice homosexuality” should come under the purview of the law just as much as those who take people captive in order to sell them into slavery.

Jesus CHRIST. Homo-sexuality, crimes against humanity, same thing, right.

It might be worth noting that what I actually suggested is that we impose the same sanctions on those who engage in homosexual behavior as we do on those who engage in intravenous drug abuse, since both pose the same kind of risk of contracting HIV/AIDS. I’d be curious to know what you think should be done with IV drug abusers, because whatever it is, I think the same response should be made to those who engage in homosexual behavior.

Err, forget the slave traders, they’re druggies.

If you believe that what drug abusers need is to go into an effective detox program, then we should likewise put active homosexuals through an effective reparative therapy program.

What’s the ‘reparative therapy program’ for Christian-hate junkies? Something with a ‘step one’ like ‘Love Thy Neighbor‘? Operates by compassion and tolerance, maybe meditates on the words of a man of peace and transcendental grace . .

Is Johannes Mehserle rich? If not, this sounds like just the sort of thing a good conservative might volunteer to do. One of those ‘cops always good’ types, throw down $300,000 and a pile of collateral to release him from jail.

‘Unknown sources’ helped post ex-BART cop’s $3 million bail

The killer of 22 year-old Oscar Grant is out of jail.

During a crowded Jan. 30 hearing, Alameda County Superior Court Judge Morris Jacobson set Mehserle’s bail at $3 million. Exactly one week later, Mehserle has posted that amount through the help of a bail bond company and “unknown sources.”

“‘We don’t know who paid it,’ said JD Nelson, spokesman with the Alameda County Sheriff’s Office said Friday,” in a report by the San Francisco Examiner. “‘We only know that it was issued through a bondsman.’”

“Typically, defendants using bail bonds companies must pay 10 percent of their bail in addition to having collateral worth the same as the bail,” noted Mercury News.

Mehserle’s freedom comes seven days after it was announced that an outside agency would take over the shooting investigation, displacing BART Police Chief Gary Gee after he circulated a memo describing how BART employees might go about sending money and material comforts to Mehserle…

Mehserle, who had been in police custody since Jan. 13, pleaded not guilty to the murder of Oscar Grant. Court documents filed by his attorney indicate the officer’s defense will claim the killing unintentional: That Mehserle intended to draw and fire his Taser at Grant, not his firearm.

Grant’s killing was was captured on camera by numerous civilian bystanders. In the videos, Grant is clearly pinned by two officers and completely immobile. Then, without any apparent provocation, Mehserle draws his weapon and fires a single round into Grant’s lower back, the bullet ricocheting off the concrete and into the victim’s lung. Grant died in a hospital several hours later.

Here‘s a video of the shooting, I’ve avoided seeing it so far. If this is a case of someone ‘rescuing’ the guy, these two guys are  good candidates for ‘angel.’