Tag Archives: john mccain

John McCain’s theory of ISIS

The old man in Washington with a hard-on for Mideast war (well, one of them) has a theory about why so many nightclubbers were just shot and killed in Orlando. Get a load of this crap.

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), the elder Republican statesman, said President Obama was “directly responsible” for the terror attack in Orlando due to his failure to combat the rise of the Islamic State terror group.

…and you thought shooter Omar Mateen was just some closeted loser. A local nutjob. You thought he was frustrated by his inability to do his job properly, or to do his life properly. Or to do his ‘boyfriend’ properly. Please you homegrown hayseeds, Omar was a fully-fledged ISIS.

McCain answered the question about the gun debate by citing Obama’s culpability for the attack through his foreign policy: “Barack Obama is directly responsible for it, because when he pulled everybody out of Iraq, al-Qaeda went to Syria, became ISIS, and ISIS is what it is today thanks to Barack Obama’s failures,” McCain said.

So it was when President Obama pulled American forces out of Iraq, per President Bush’s Status of Forces Agreement (a piece of paper occasionally referred to in international courts as The Law), that Al Qaeda fled to Syria.(?) If only spineless Obama had left 100,000 soldiers behind he could have prevented that! The jihadis could have stayed around to kill us. Anyway, it was about that same time Omar Mateen started thinking about men – happy men, dancing men, running n’ shooting men – and he began masturbating, probably out of foreign policy frustration (which makes some sense, as in A Thing John McCain Might Know Something About).

As the months wore on, and because the President wouldn’t send the Army right back, Omar’s private habits only got worse – carrying on, shall we say, furiously? Which of course caught the attention of ISIS. They whisked him away for a weekend of intensive terrorist training, and hunk-porn viewing, accompanied by savage beatings and the occasional thumbsucking. (If you thought these terrorists weren’t master psychologists…think again.)

Eventually Omar was returned to America. Where he was to wait for their signal: GO hang out in gay clubs across Orlando, and TEASE subscribers to the Jack’d app with promises of hooking up, then SHOOT the Godless infidels. Obviously John McCain is right, the unspeakable horror in Orlando has got the fingerprints of ISIS all over it. Oh I’m sorry, I meant to say ‘of Barack Obama.’


John McCain stinks like a bayonted cadaver

John McCain should go back to Arizona and disappear inside one of the many mansions he acquired through nuptials. Let him despair over Iraq’s disintegration there, inside a musty man-cave haunted by ESPN’s broadcast clowns. I can’t fathom the spell he’s cast upon the brilliant media but I know that when a person can’t add two and two together he’s no mathematician. It infuriates me that someone responsible for sending thousands of our friends and neighbors to die in a wrenching clusterfuck isn’t being basted in boiling tar and slapped with ostrich feathers.

“Do you believe that the people of Iraq, or at least a large number of them, will treat us as liberators?”


No one in recent memory has been more cavalier.

“There is not a history of clashes that are violent between Sunnis and Shias, so I think they can probably get along.”

And no one, given the seriousness of the matter – annihilation – has been more eager to bolt toward hot cameras and microphones and weigh in on the side of human sacrifice.

“We’re going to win this victory. Tragically, we will lose American lives, be it will be brief. We’re gonna find out massive evidence of weapons of mass destruction.”

McCain refuses to contemplate he’s ever been wrong. This thought is not allowed. He is a cocksure agent of death.


This song is over

Witness for yourself the death of a politician.

No one in recent American history burst onto the political scene as spectacularly as Sarah Palin in 2008. John McCain’s surprise VP pick made the covers of both Time and Newsweek. Her highly anticipated speech at the September national convention jump-started the moribund Republican campaign. People who normally despised politics watched it and were thrilled. National Review editor Rich Lowry fell hisself utterly in love:

By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can’t be learned; it’s either something you have or you don’t, and man, she’s got it.

But Lowry didn’t yet know the real Sarah Palin.

“Though I was during the campaign running for V.P., I was banned from talking about Jeremiah Wright and Obama’s friend Bill Ayers,” Palin said in a Fox News interview. “Couldn’t talk about that. Couldn’t talk about Obama’s lack of knowledge, and job inexperience, and the things that he said like America had 57 states, things like that.”

This is who she is.

Palin continued, “in the campaign, Greta this is important for Americans to understand, I wasn’t allowed to talk about things like that because those elitist, those who are the brainiacs in the GOP machine running John McCain’s campaign at the time, said that the media would eat us alive if we brought up these things.”

A caustic human being. Stupid to boot. Her glorious time on the American stage is drawing to a close and all she can think to do is be nasty. The more Americans see of Palin the Politician, the less they find to like.

It’s not a match up likely to occur but Clinton would destroy Sarah Palin in a hypothetical match up in the state, 53/37, including a 62/25 lead with independents. There’s no appetite among Alaskans for Palin 2016 – only 16% think she should run to 78% who think she should not, and even among Republicans just 18% would like to see her make a bid.

Her time is up. All she has left is her ambition.


Trails of an American rebel

John McCain thought it would be a media coup. He’d form a clandestine partnership with members of the Syrian opposition. Then he’d slip across the Turkish border to chat revolution and take a few pictures.

U.S. Senator John McCain was photographed with a known affiliate of the rebel group responsible for the kidnapping of 11 Lebanese Shiite pilgrims one year ago, during a brief and highly publicized visit inside Syria this week.

But McCain’s rebel buddy is an international criminal. He’s holding hostages.

According to families of the remaining captives and one of the released men, Anwar Ibrahim, one of the men standing alongside McCain in photographs released by the senator’s office is Mohammad Nour, the chief spokesman and photographer for the Northern Storm kidnappers. Nour appears in several shots where McCain is posing with different officials.

Ibrahim and other members of the kidnapped family said they recognized Nour, and another man affiliated with the group, also identified as “Abu Ibrahim,” immediately after seeing the photos, widely circulated by international media following McCain’s visit.

In America, kidnappers who would do their victims harm get the death penalty. In Syria, they get a public relations bonanza thanks to a U.S. Senator.


John McCain

I give up. I walk out. I offer all the apologies but I retire with a bit of my self-respect. It’s not like blogging was a decent thing to do anyway. I mean, c’mon, any idiot can bang out this bullshit. It’s not like I applied for the job and some buxom highbrow lady said, “Oh yes, we’re so glad to have you.” Thank you very much, I feel right at home now. A danish? Why, capital.

It is no longer possible to describe the disgrace that is Senator John McCain. Can not be done. Horrible. Detestable. Shocking. Insulting. Offensive. Blighting. Senseless. Farcical. Preening. Scheming. Calculating. Histrionic. Lying. Shameless. Abusive. Cruel. Nasty. Vicious. Corrosive. Destructive. Dangerous. Dumb. Naive. Self-indulgent. Ghastly. Frightening. Menacing. Scary. Careening. Erratic. Unhinged. Slack-jawed. Stupid. Animal. Incompetent. Disastrous. Awful. Worthless. Brutal. Meatheaded. Mechanical. Stiff. Stony. Scolding. Hectoring. Backbiting. Appalling. Atrocious. Despicable. Despised. Dolt. Jerk. Moron. Idiot. Insect.



John McCain hits rock bottom

Surveying a political life highlighted primarily by self-serving cowardice, I have never seen anything quite so disgusting as John McCain’s latest performance. He had the surely personally gratifying duty of vetting yesterday the President’s nominee for Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel.

The most contentious part of his questioning came when he decided to attack Hagel’s opposition to the Surge in Iraq. Briefly, the Surge was a 2007 introduction of around 20,000 additional troops into mostly Baghdad, some into Al-Anbar province, to try to improve the situation in Iraq.

Politically speaking, the Surge is all John McCain’s baby. While other Republicans then were busy talking fecklessly about the brutal and failing war, it was McCain who decided to publicly double down on a dangerous strategy: sending more soldiers. It may not have actually done much, but the timing worked nicely to McCain’s favor as violence began to drop in Iraq in late 2007. McCain used the Surge politically to rally American patriotism and separate himself from the other Republican presidential hopefuls. It’s the one great success in his political life. That’s how he beat out Mitt Romney for the right to lose to the Democrat, Barack Obama, in 2008. Remember that, then watch this bullshit:

How vomit-inducing. McCain has Hagel over a political barrel and everybody knows it. If Hagel disagrees, the petulant McCain will run to the media replaying the trope that the Surge reversed the course in Iraq and won us the glorious war. Republicans will seize the opportunity to rally around McCain and his brilliant strategy, and Hagel’s nomination will be D.O.A.

So John McCain here is only trying to make Chuck Hagel blow him in public. Sorry about the depiction, but that’s the honest truth. He’s shoving Hagel’s head at his crotch to see how badly Chuck wants the nomination. It’s disgusting.


Mittens and the surrogate flu

Just how bad is the Romney campaign? It’s hard to say. How do you gauge a trail of warmwater puke? By distance or volume?

These campaigns all have their strengths and weaknesses. The remarkable thing about Romney’s is its 360-degree Achilles heel. The candidate is a terrible speaker, he’s unlikable in person, he doesn’t interest the base, he refuses to address any issue that voters are interested in, and he’s paranoid and secretive about himself. Throw in he’s richer than most porn barons and he gets his politics the same way the rest of us get cologne samples: from bogus magazines. And you, Republicans, have got yourself one stinking candidate.

You would think these alarming facts would rally the believers to his side. You’d think it would make the GOP faithful defend him with every bone in their bodies. Everybody all in, do or die, with fangs bared and instincts razor sharp-ed. Instead, something entirely different has happened. They’ve gone hapless, limp. They’re stupor-stricken. They’ve been Mittified.

“I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes,” [Eric] Fehrnstrom responded. “It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up, and we start all over again.”

Eric really isn’t this stupid. He’s just that sick. He’s spent too much time up close and personal with the Typhoid Mary of Manageitis. The candidate is a continental weather front of business entity. A middle-of-the-menu marathon of oatmeal and 1% milk. A Beacon of Industry (god rest his soul). And Eric is now desperately ill. Ask that sparkplug Dilbert, he knows of what I speak.

[Chuck] TODD: He agrees with the president that it is not [a tax], and he believes that you shouldn’t call the tax penalty a tax, you should call it a penalty or a fee or a fine?

FEHRNSTROM: That’s correct.

Brains. Romney politely went everywhere the next day to label the ACA mandate a ‘tax.’ This electrified the campaign in the only way a talking mackerel can. You really should tell your guy what you want, Mitt, before you throw him out there. Do you know what you want? Do fish have feelings?

“There may have been a thought at the time that [Romney] could be part-time. It was not part-time. The Olympics was in a shambles,” [Ed] Gillespie told Candy Crowley on CNN’s “State of the Union.”

“He took a leave of absence and in fact, Candy, ended up not going back at all and retired retroactively to February 1999 as a result,” Gillespie said.

Ed said this more than once. So it’s spreading. Either the CEO can’t manage his people, or he’s contagious. If you’re keeping them around to harvest their suitable organs, Mitt, forget it. It’s too late.

Asked why he chose not to go with Romney, McCain said: “Oh come on, because we thought that Sarah Palin was the better candidate. Why did we not take Pawlenty, why did we not take any of the other 10 other people. Why didn’t I? Because we had a better candidate, the same way with all the others. … Come on, why? That’s a stupid question.”

Even McCain? Good lord. Well he’s pretty old, and I don’t figure his immune system for much by now. Btw, if a major Republican personality had paid McCain this same compliment in 2008, John would have popped up on the bastard’s doorstep and beat him into a hamburger patty. Mitt will have Eric call and relay the campaign’s thanks.


Joe Walsh: My legless opponent is a drama queen

Representative Joe Walsh of Illinois is taking some heat today. It couldn’t happen to a nicer asswipe. Joe is locked in a tight race with Democratic candidate Tammy Duckworth. And man, is he piss-in-your-Tea-Party-Fruit-of-the-Looms terrified of her. Why?

Because Duckworth is a solid candidate and an intelligent woman. She’s also appealing to the eye. Better than that: she’s like visual catnip to the wingnut Republicans who would support Walsh. As they love the mere appearance of things, they can’t resist this:

A double amputee veteran. This makes Joe furious. This makes Joe lose his mind.

“What else has she done? Female, wounded veteran … ehhh,” he continued. “She is nothing more than a handpicked Washington bureaucrat.”

There she rolls, the typical legless bureaucrat. Well done, Joe. Over the weekend, he really unloaded on this Duckworth person. This military jerk. This self-serving ass:

“Understand something about John McCain. His political advisers, day after day, had to take him and almost throw him against a wall and hit him against the head and say, “Senator, you have to let people know you served! You have to talk about what you did!” He didn’t want to do it, wouldn’t do it. Day after day they had to convince him. Finally, he talked a little bit about it, but it was very uncomfortable for him. That’s what’s so noble about our heroes. Now I’m running against a woman who, my God, that’s all she talks about. Our true heroes, it’s the last thing in the world they talk about.”

Fake hero. Two-armed drama queen. Surgery suite starlet. How many times have you been to rehab there, Britney? Once for a looong time. Yeah, okay. Fuck these Hollywood types, I am sick of them.

First, he falsely and maliciously claims that Tammy Duckworth, a veteran who lost her legs in Iraq didn’t have much of a record of service. Now, he denigrates that same American hero for talking about how her experience shaped her worldview and strengthened her resolve to serve even more – a conversation that isn’t just legitimate to have, but crucial as America charts its course domestically and internationally. This is a new low for this deadbeat dad.

OH Christ almighty, it’s Votevets.org. You wanna piece of Joe, huh? Well, somebody had to do something about all the spending, okay? Joe was willing to sacrifice his children for his politics. Also for a nicer car, with some sweet power windows and keyless remote. And that’s why he’s the real deal, khaki losers.

We are past the point of calling on Joe Walsh to apologize. He should step aside and stop embarrassing his district and America.

Blah blah Army divas. But to Joe’s point: You never see John McCain campaigning on his military service. Or on his sacrifice. Huh? Well?

“. . listen, pal, I spent 22 years in the Navy. My father was in the Navy. My grandfather was in the Navy. We in the military service tend to move a lot. We have to live in all parts of the country, all parts of the world. I wish I could have had the luxury, like you, of growing up and living and spending my entire life in a nice place like the First District of Arizona, but I was doing other things. As a matter of fact, when I think about it now, the place I lived longest in my life was Hanoi.”




Pictured (l to r): The President, Moe the bartender senator

Shorter John McCain, War Footing, Grenade & Garden:

“Why, when I find out who you are, I’m going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt.”


John McCain Parts the Sea of Human Nature

Oh look. The wise man of the sunrise Sabbath’s central broadcast has descended from the green room. Something surely has gone astray. NBC/Universal’s danishes have gone rancid. Rupert’s cheese smells fishy. Some poor page within striking distance of the volcanic Arizona senator flashed him the stink eye, and it’s time to tear her head off. What’s up, John?

Former GOP presidential candidate John McCain said yesterday he fears Republicans will be stuck with a bloodied nominee so sapped by months of campaign attacks that he can’t beat President Obama — even as the party’s four combatants prepare to do battle again today in Michigan and Arizona.

Sniff. Oh Lord Above, why all do they do this? The bitter fighting? The complaining? Disaster approaches. A sailor smart enough to crash every jet he climbed into speaks from on high. I’m warning you: A clown family can only take so much yelling. Or haven’t you noticed all the cannons and bowling pins?

“This is like watching a Greek tragedy,” McCain told the Herald. “It’s the negative campaigning and the increasingly personal attacks … it should have stopped long ago. Any utility from the debates has been exhausted, and now it’s just exchanging cheap shots and personal shots followed by super PAC attacks.”

Can I? May I ask? What for, exactly, buddy? This public tumult? To subject yourself and the tangent Bozos to personal rancor, only to become the most powerful organism in four billion years of planetary history. Really? This is all worth it?


Late Iowa: Romney wins closest test in history; Perry cancels SC sched, returns to Austin; Bachmann out? No.

CNN, AP notes:

2 hours ago [1:40 a.m. ET]

WEST DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Michele Bachmann told a small group of supporters Tuesday night that she’s staying in the presidential race as the only true conservative who can defeat the sitting president, despite a bleak showing in the Iowa caucuses.

The Minnesota congresswoman was running in last place among six candidates as returns came in from the nation’s first Republican presidential nominating contest.

2:33 a.m. ET

Romney won the Iowa caucuses by eight votes, Republican Party of Iowa Chairman Matt Strawn announced. Romney received 30,015 votes and Santorum received 30,007 votes, according to the Iowa GOP.

1 hour ago [2:40 a.m. ET]

Des Moines, Iowa (CNN) – Rick Perry’s “re-assessing” phase will apparently last through the remainder of the week.

After his disappointing fifth place finish in the Iowa caucuses, the Texas governor has scrapped his entire campaign schedule and will return to Austin to ponder whether to forge ahead with his bid.

3:04 a.m. ET

Iowa 2012 was the closest Republican presidential contest in history, beating the 1936 South Dakota primary, won by Alf Landon with a 257-vote margin, according to CNN Polling Director Keating Holland. It’s also the closest Iowa caucus result in history. The previous record was set in 1980, when the elder George Bush beat Ronald Reagan by about two percentage points.

ADD: McCain endorses Romney.

(CNN) – Sen. John McCain of Arizona will throw his support behind Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney on Wednesday, a senior Republican source close to the senator said.

The 2008 Republican presidential nominee will travel to New Hampshire to make the endorsement.