Oh — hey there, barely noticed you. Uh, pre-occupied, myself. Got a splinter in my middle finger that’s driving me nuts. Been scratching at it, putting my thumbnail on it, maybe I can get it wif my teef unn hmmmnumphnurmnummm . .
Harold Camping reaffirms October date for the end of the world, says May 21 date was ‘invisible judgment day’
Washington Post | Tuesday, May 24
Radio evangelist Harold Camping said in a special broadcast Monday night on his radio program Open Forum that his predicted May 21, 2011 Rapture was “an invisible judgment day“ that he has come to understand as a spiritual, rather than physical event.
OH COME ON. What the hell, Harold?
“We had all of our dates correct,” Camping insisted, clarifying that he now understands that Christ’s May 21 arrival was “a spiritual coming” ushering in the last five months before the final judgment and destruction.
In an hour and a half broadcast, Camping walked listeners through his numerological timeline, insisting that his teaching has not changed and that the world will still end on October 21, 2011.
BLAH BLAH OCTOBER 21ST. My god man, you must think we’re dumb as bugs. Listen, buddy, I’ll cut to the chase because I’m sick of you: nothing will happen on October 21st. NOTHING. ZIP. ZERO. LIFE WILL GO ON.
Enough. We’re all on to your little ruse, Harold. We know it’s a grift. The only mystery is what the rules of the game will be next time.
Post-initiation preparation for the main event? Sundown reception in the Limbo room with Gabriel the Magnificent? Cosmic three card Apocalypse, anyone?
Follow the Apocalypse, keep your eye on the Apocalypse at all times. Right, left, left, right and center — only three places it could be, ladies and gentlemen, step right up . .
. . cuz, hell, it’s your Rapture, now, isn’t it? That’s one of my rules in life: once you pull it out of your ass, it’s yours. Pull it out of your ass, twice, and you’re David Blaine. Hey, Harry — where will The End show up next?
HAROLD: Okay. Go ahead and tell the crowd what your card was, Zeke.
ZEKE: . . uh, it was the Armageddon of diamonds.
HAROLD: Hmm. Tell me, Zeke, did you step in something on your way here?
ZEKE: . . well . . [looks at sole of shoe] . . WHAT THE FUCK!
. . once again — Camping! The Master of Micro-Catastrophe:
HAROLD: Okay, Lillie. Put your hands in mine.
LILLIE: [lays hands] Okay. [giggles] This feels weird.
HAROLD: Now, pick a biblical manner of destruction — anything wrathful and inescapable. But don’t say it out loud, merely concentrate upon it, Lillie. Concentrate on the end of existence with all your might.
LILLIE: Okay. [giggles]
HAROLD: Hmmmm . . mmm . . yes. I can see it. I see it now.
Say, Lillie — would you happen to have the time?
LILLIE: Sure, it’s, uh . . [looks at watch] . . wha . .
HAROLD: . . yeesss . .
LILLIE: . . RAPTURE O’NNHILATION?
CROWD: OOOOOooooohhh . . .
If only we could bury this clown alive.