Tag Archives: judgment day

Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday! Christian cartoon squares off against Richard Dawkins

These are fun to look at. A cartoonist named ‘Dale’ contributes to the badly written, comma-ridden loon grotto Renew America. The scribbles posture as definitive take-downs of liberalism.

This particular one wipes Richard Dawkins off the planet:

Spreading his venom for God to kids under the guise of Scientism is about as putrid as it gets. Children using simple God-given logic conclude the existence of a creator. It requires an abandonment of logic to attain self omniscience and declare there is no God. The materialist’s faith in the escape hatch of “there just wasn’t enough evidence for me” won’t wash on judgement [sic] day. Here’s a book idea: The ghost of Christopher Hitchens, Jacob Marley style, appears to Richard Dawkins and sets him straight. Dickey would probably make a hash of it, too bad Hitchens isn’t still around to write it. –Dale

It’s some measure of God-terror that Dale prays the courageous and recently deceased Hitchens be his cowering pal. Christian class, thy name is ‘Inkboy.’

How about we ‘shorter’ this?

1.) “Richard Dawkins is just too stupid to be Christian.”

2.) “Nothing plus 4.6 billion years equals ‘sheer madness.’ Eternal plus 4 thousand years equals ‘stone cold logic.'”

3.) “Clay can’t see or hear you, so it can’t possibly know you exist. But it better say you have a big dick or you’ll smash it.”


Harold Camping’s Rapture. Lamest. Trick. Ever.

Oh — hey there, barely noticed you. Uh, pre-occupied, myself. Got a splinter in my middle finger that’s driving me nuts. Been scratching at it, putting my thumbnail on it, maybe I can get it wif my teef unn hmmmnumphnurmnummm . .

Harold Camping reaffirms October date for the end of the world, says May 21 date was ‘invisible judgment day’
Washington Post | Tuesday, May 24

Radio evangelist Harold Camping said in a special broadcast Monday night on his radio program Open Forum that his predicted May 21, 2011 Rapture was “an invisible judgment day“ that he has come to understand as a spiritual, rather than physical event.

OH COME ON. What the hell, Harold?

“We had all of our dates correct,” Camping insisted, clarifying that he now understands that Christ’s May 21 arrival was “a spiritual coming” ushering in the last five months before the final judgment and destruction.

In an hour and a half broadcast, Camping walked listeners through his numerological timeline, insisting that his teaching has not changed and that the world will still end on October 21, 2011.

BLAH BLAH OCTOBER 21ST. My god man, you must think we’re dumb as bugs. Listen, buddy, I’ll cut to the chase because I’m sick of you: nothing will happen on October 21st. NOTHING. ZIP. ZERO. LIFE WILL GO ON.

Enough. We’re all on to your little ruse, Harold. We know it’s a grift. The only mystery is what the rules of the game will be next time.

Post-initiation preparation for the main event? Sundown reception in the Limbo room with Gabriel the Magnificent? Cosmic three card Apocalypse, anyone?

Follow the Apocalypse, keep your eye on the Apocalypse at all times. Right, left, left, right and center — only three places it could be, ladies and gentlemen, step right up . .

. . cuz, hell, it’s your Rapture, now, isn’t it? That’s one of my rules in life: once you pull it out of your ass, it’s yours. Pull it out of your ass, twice, and you’re David Blaine. Hey, Harry — where will The End show up next?

HAROLD: Okay. Go ahead and tell the crowd what your card was, Zeke.

ZEKE: . . uh, it was the Armageddon of diamonds.

HAROLD: Hmm. Tell me, Zeke, did you step in something on your way here?

ZEKE: . . well . . [looks at sole of shoe] . . WHAT THE FUCK!

CONGREGATION: [applause]

. . once again — Camping! The Master of Micro-Catastrophe:

HAROLD: Okay, Lillie. Put your hands in mine.

LILLIE: [lays hands] Okay. [giggles] This feels weird.

HAROLD: Now, pick a biblical manner of destruction — anything wrathful and inescapable. But don’t say it out loud, merely concentrate upon it, Lillie. Concentrate on the end of existence with all your might.

LILLIE: Okay. [giggles]

HAROLD: Hmmmm . . mmm . . yes. I can see it. I see it now.
Say, Lillie — would you happen to have the time?

LILLIE: Sure, it’s, uh . . [looks at watch] . . wha . .

HAROLD: . . yeesss . .


CROWD: OOOOOooooohhh . . .

If only we could bury this clown alive.


Harold Camping’s recurring nightmare: we’re all safe and sound

Here I am. There you are. I’m thirsty. I could use some groceries.

Harold Camping: 1994?
Stephen C. Meyers | Christian Research Institute

In his book 1994? Harold Camping states the end of the world may occur this year, somewhere between September 15-17 (p. 531). He does not know the exact day because Scripture says “no man knows the day nor the hour” (Matt. 24:36). But according to Camping we can certainly know the month and the year that Christ will return.

That was his first fuzzy attempt at apocalypto-scamming the world: September 16-ish, 1994. His second grift, today’s rapture, is going badly. Not for us, though, of course — it’s a beautiful day.


May 21st doomsdayer Harold Camping is an asshole

Harold Camping is a christianist radio broadcaster, the source and star of Family Radio broadcasting, a group of 150 stations across the United States. Harold has famously predicted the obliteration of the world tomorrow. A great earthquake will shatter the world, he says, coughing up every coffin in the ground and beginning the end of all existence, culminating in an October 21st existential coup de grace.

He’s wrong, of course. Thousands upon thousands of people across millennia have foretold the end of all existence, and everyone has been wrong. And not a little wrong: 100% perfectly wrong, 100% of the time.

I’d say it’s one thing for someone to be an idiot, but it’s another for someone to abuse a position of trust for personal gain and glory. Family Radio looks like a middling but potent Christian media source that ministers to vulnerable people. Rather than help these people, Camping has chosen to twist their minds, unforgivably. I’m disgusted by the guy and the media attention he’s gotten.

I’m not the only one. Hey Harold, old people have been donating their bank accounts to you because you say the world’s ending on the 21st. On the 22nd, will you give them their money back?

Harold Camping: “No.” Nobody told them to do that . .

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me — May 22nd will be judgment, the second day of judgment day. Uh, uh [nervous laughter] we don’t know what, how, what’s going to happen to Family Radio on that first day or to any, to the banks, or anybody else. We have no idea, at all.

But it’s gonna be horrible, it’s gonna be a horror story that we absolutely cannot conceive of. Millions of people will die on that day and every day thereafter. And, uh, it’s, it’s, this, this kind of conversation, what will, will, what will we do the next day . . that doesn’t make — it’s nonsense, it is utter nonsense. Because IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.