Tag Archives: mike huckabee

It’s harder to like women than to speak for them

It blows my mind. Every one of these guys believes he can explain right-wing sexual politics in a way where it finally makes sense to women. The logic of it is pretty obvious, they think. Every one of them is wrong. Rep. Steve Pearce, R-NM:

“The wife is to voluntarily submit, just as the husband is to lovingly lead and sacrifice,” Pearce wrote. “The husband’s part is to show up during the times of deep stress, take the leadership role and be accountable for the outcome, blaming no one else.”

You’re thinking that’s the same old garbage. But here comes the hook:

“The wife’s submission is not a matter of superior versus inferior; rather, it is self-imposed as a matter of obedience to the Lord and of love for her husband.”

Women will read this and wonder until the idea dawns on them: Submit is an intransitive verb? Well that explains everything, now we get it. What exactly is to be gained in submitting to your husband? Why not just choose to be equal? I’d love to see Pearce answer that, to see how he figures the female mind. Shouldn’t be too difficult, he’s been speaking for women all along. And if the Republican path to empowerment is a byzantine one at least it’s terribly sincere. State Senator Dick Black (R-VA):

Mother Jones pointed out that Black defended spousal rape, saying he “did not know how on earth you could validly get a conviction of a husband-wife rape, when they’re living together, sleeping in the same bed, she’s in a nightie, and so forth, there’s no injury, there’s no separation or anything.” After that comment, Black only clarified he was not “taking a position for or against marital rape.”

The senator reminds women they’re irresistible when they get in their velvet teddies, or in whatever they wear to bed, in any place fraught with “no separation.” AKA ‘their homes.’ What jury would convict a man who ended up a little overheated at the sight of such a thing? You dressed up like that? Don’t let the Democrats tell you this is a crime, it’s a compliment from the justice system. And don’t try marrying any wussies, incidentally, because America needs children. You’re welcome.

Before that, Black — a former military prosecutor — dismissed rape in the military “as predictable as human nature.” “Think of yourself at 25,” he said. “Wouldn’t you love to have a group of 19-year-old girls under your control, day in, day out?”

The same thing applies after your squad captain assaults you. You’re like a teenage Venus flytrap, and who hasn’t raped one of those? Congratulations. Mike Huckabee:

“…if the Democrats want to insult the women of America by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing them a prescription each month for birth control because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it, let’s take that discussion all across America, because women are far more than Democrats have made them to be.”

If this doesn’t liberate those poor women addicted to The Pill. They’ve been dragging their sore and post-orgasmic selves out of the government-run RiteAids and Walgreens of America, crushed by the realization that they enjoy having sex. Dear lord.

Uncle Mike is here to say: These women can be “far more than Democrats have made them to be” (…sluts). What the hell has Uncle Sugar ever wanted from you anyway? To get you naked with his science pills. Don’t let him do it! Instead, dump every one of your many children onto his Social Security rolls and cry aloud: ‘Take that Joseph Stalin! You can’t tell me not to get pregnant!’

“The fact is the Republicans don’t have a war on women, they have a war for women, to empower them to be something other than victims of their gender,” Huckabee said.

Because that’s the game the Democrats have been playing: You’re A Victim. The bad men beat you up, or they boss you around, or they rape you in your bed and here comes Big Government to coddle you with abortions, indictments and counseling. Remind Uncle Sam that this is just the American way of having a little fun. Tell him, ‘Fuck off pal. I’m a woman.’


Pity the humble politician, adrift in our chaotic world

If ‘The Surge’ in Iraq had gone a little less (cough) gloriously, or if Lehman Brothers had shit the bed a few months after September 2008, this man could be your president today.

Fox News host Mike Huckabee on Saturday warned that a California girl who was declared brain dead after tonsil surgery last month could lead to situations like Nazi death camps and forced abortions in China if the hospital took her off life support.

It’s worthwhile to note that there are about 6,000 hospitals in America. You have choices.

The former Arkansas governor and ordained pastor began his Fox News show by admitting that he did not have the medical experience necessary to understand 13-year-old Jahi McMath’s condition but he encouraged her family to fight against any attempts to remove her from life support even though doctors said she technically “died several weeks ago.”

I have to do it: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me…

“Every life has value and worth,” Huckabee told his viewers on Saturday. “There is no such person who is disposable, one whose life has been deemed by others to be less than others and therefore expendable, I can’t share that.”

Are patients lives ‘disposable’ because doctors are homicidal, Mike? Are they terrifyingly lazy? Horribly thrill-seeking? Or are we all extras in the sequel to Coma? How did you figure it all out? In any case, the Gov thinks doctors are the sorts of butchers that Charlie Manson might take a few pointers from. But there’s Obamacare bashing to be done:

“People from all over the world come here for health care,” he observed. “Why? Because we have an incredibly good health care system.”

And of course the doctors are all angels. Gawd bless ’em. More ranting? Sure:

“It’s also that culture that allowed the Nazis to to hideously justify the savage slaughter of millions of Jews, disabled people, old people and those with mental illness,” Huckabee said. “Let’s hope and pray that the courts continue to do what every court should do, respect parents over government, family over hospitals and, above all, protect Jahi from them all.”

I suppose it’s possible that Second-to-McCain has never heard of the term “brain dead.” He hasn’t any clue what it might mean. To his ears it’s a jazzy colloquialism, like the patter he heard Ken Burns’ PBS hipsters bandy about after partaking of their urban cigarettes. Bray-in what? Dead, was it? If that don’t beat all. Mother, stop this crazy thing.

I doubt I could ever recall all the poor TV dramas I’ve seen where one character or another ends up “brain dead.” It’s an older and more personally relevant concept than “bandwidth” or “Facebook.” It even occupied an entire episode of Kramer’s life. And, yet, there are people who pretend they don’t know what it is.


What passes for ‘truth’ at Breitbart.com

They carry on in Andrew Breitbart’s name . .

On February 7, Breitbart News’s Editor-at-Large Ben Shapiro published an explosive-looking story under the headline “Secret Hagel Donor? White House Ducks Question on ‘Friends of Hamas.'” Quoting “Senate sources,” Shapiro claimed that crucial documents on Hagel’s “foreign funding” might be kept from the Senate Armed Services Committe because “one of the names listed is a group purportedly called “Friends of Hamas.”

Look who read Shapiro’s piece. National Review’s Andrew McCarthy: ” . . one of the groups behind the speeches may have been an outfit called Friends of Hamas.”

National Review’s Andrew Stiles: “. . with a number of ‘unsavory’ groups, including one purportedly called ‘Friends of Hamas.'”

Mike Huckabee: “If it proves true the rumors of Chuck Hagel’s having received funds from Friends of Hamas, if that’s true then on its face that would disqualify him.”

Sen. Rand Paul: “You know, I saw that information today, also, and that is more and more concerning. With each day, there are new things coming out.”

Dave Weigel later proved that “Friends of Hamas” never existed. Today we find out where the dangerous group came from. Dan Friedman of the New York Daily News:

On Feb. 6, I called a Republican aide on Capitol Hill with a question: Did Hagel’s Senate critics know of controversial groups that he had addressed?

Hagel was in hot water for alleged hostility to Israel. So, I asked my source, had Hagel given a speech to, say, the “Junior League of Hezbollah, in France”? And: What about “Friends of Hamas”?

The names were so over-the-top, so linked to terrorism in the Middle East, that it was clear I was talking hypothetically and hyperbolically. No one could take seriously the idea that organizations with those names existed — let alone that a former senator would speak to them.

Reasonable people would think.

I couldn’t have imagined what would happen next. On Feb. 7, the conservative web site Breitbart.com screamed this headline:


That would be Ben Shapiro’s work, who figures that ‘reason’ kills journalism.

On Monday, I reached my source. The person denied sharing my query with Breitbart but admitted the chance of having mentioned it to others. Since the source knew we spoke under a standard that my questions weren’t for sharing, that’s a problem.

So the Republican aide’s a skeezy liar too. Now it’s Shapiro’s job to square everything.

Reached Tuesday, Shapiro acknowledged “Friends of Hamas” might not exist. But he said his story used “very, very specific language” to avoid flatly claiming it did.

“The story as reported is correct. Whether the information I was given by the source is correct I am not sure,” he said.

Andrew Breitbart would have loved this. A Republican aide who promised confidentiality, but lied, passed on a hot item he was too dumb to know was a joke, and it ended up in Ben Shapiro’s in box. From that alone, Ben fabricated a White House conspiracy that didn’t exist to sequester documents that didn’t exist, that detailed a relationship of Hagel’s that didn’t exist with a Hamas group that didn’t exist. And now that the media debacle has been exposed, Ben Shapiro claims he’s honest and truthful because of a ‘maybe’ he denigrated his allegations with.

If everybody bought into Ben’s falsehoods, it’s just their fault. They breezed past the few words that gave the story legitimacy. And journalism isn’t meant for anybody else, it’s just for Ben.


They’ve got losing all figured out

Imagine you owned a company. Imagine you had to put someone in charge of it. I don’t imagine you’d pick any of these people for your CEO.

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Polling over the weekend showed Rep. Todd Akin up by at least 1% over the incumbent Claire McCaskill in the race for the open Missouri Senate seat. And then Akin went all uterus-molecules on the voters. The more practical GOPers, eyeing the national polls, demanded he immediately leave the race lest the gender damage spread. Someone’s got to protect the GOP product don’t you know. That left the stage wide open for a real conservative:

“The idea that our Party would continue to play games behind the scenes and feed the Democrats make-believe narrative of the GOP’s fictional war on women is equally ridiculous. Now is the time to focus on electing a conservative Senate Majority. And if the NRSC and RNC and the money-rich PACS won’t help Todd Akin get us to the majority, then we’ll do it without them. And his seat will not have been sold to the highest bidder, but obtained by the highest principles.”

Semper Fi Huck. Akin the stalwart just committed suicide but he’s a principled man. Let’s get behind him and win the “conservative Senate Majority.”

There goes Akin sinking like a stone. Is Huckabee surprised? Does he care? Does anything matter? When you believe in something winning comes second. Philosophy is what’s important, no matter how dumb degrading or insulting it is. By the magic of purism Americans flock to the Republican message and this is very clever.

Bert Atkinson is like that.

He sees genius where others do not:

Mitt Romney made a very strong move by speaking before the NAACP today, and an even stronger move by not changing or avoiding his stance to repeal ObamaCare in front of that crowd.

“If our goal is jobs, we have to stop spending over a trillion dollars more than we take in every year. So to do that, I’m going to eliminate every non-essential, expensive program I can find. That includes ObamaCare,” Romney said before the crowd unleashed a cascade of boos. . .

“The president will say he will do those things, but he will not, he cannot, and his record of the last four years proves it,” Romney told the booing crowd. He added, “If you want a president who will make things better in the African American community, you are looking at him.”

Quotes. Mitt: “You are looking at him.”
People: “Boo.” Brilliant.

Romney branded himself today as the ‘The Serious Adult’ candidate. He didn’t avoid talking about ObamaCare or any other topic just because he knew the crowd wouldn’t like it. He acted like a leader.

Pure ideology is impossible to resist. So it’s good to get booed. See:

Can anyone figure out why they’re losing? It’s a puzzle.


That modern stylin’ woman, conservative wise

Conservative writer S.E. Cupp waited a few days to weigh in on the Hilary Rosen/Ann Romey debate. Between the lovely mansion mommy and the lesbian grotto shrew, S.E. favors mommy. Actually, she favors mansions — more on that later.

But let’s cut to the chase, friends. S.E. Cupp is a fool. Facts are facts. It’s frankly boring she’d love the Romneys so well because she’s paid for the support. The way she loves Ann, however, is terrifically bimb-tertaining.

We could have predicted it. S.E. frequently finds ways to make readers wince. This, below, was a face-palmer of hers from a couple years ago:

Manhattan Love Story
Help! I am a hip, young New Yorker. I am not supposed to have a crush on Mike Huckabee.
By S.E. Cupp| Slate | Dec 5 2008

There he is on the front page of his eponymous Web site, lovingly fingering his bass guitar in the gently worn leather boots of a man who lives to rock. Over the past few weeks, he’s been crisscrossing the country in a fully appointed tour bus that delivers him to throngs of adoring fans and groupies who eagerly await an autograph, a photo, and—if they’re lucky—maybe a few licks on the guitar.

That’s Cupp’s habit. She shocks her true cosmopolitan with a pedestrian reflex here and there. On the way to an Icelandic/Argentinian fusion tapas tasting, she’ll land at McDonald’s. “Here I am with Chicken McNuggets! Can you believe it?” Her mind and instincts are as sharp as any Columbia professor’s, you should know. If only the academics were as hungry to know the limits of the world. She walks old absinthe gallery reading rooms, polishing anti-Bolshevik propaganda with an X-Acto and a pen. But when Mike Huckabee picks up an electric bass . . *squeal*. Really, she’s more surprised than you. She’s from New York, you see.

. . I fantasize about tripping tourists who insist on walking three-wide, arm in arm, at a glacial pace on a narrow sidewalk. I routinely have cereal and paper towels delivered, and I haven’t seen the inside of a washing machine in a decade. I’m also in my late 20s, which, coupled with my hip address, ensures that my taste is well-seasoned, appropriately edgy, and probably better than yours.

As if the glasses weren’t a hint.

I will obsess over anything Ricky Gervais does. I can name at least 10 boutique vodkas. My music interests are sufficiently sophisticated that I can condescend to most other age groups with authority. Finally, I’m also a grad student—at NYU, no less—so I’m supposed to be one of those cosmopolitan academics who have designer eyeglasses, a subscription to Artforum, and a ready collection of aphorisms to quote from the likes of Foucault, Derrida, and Sartre.

The Derrida aphorism bimbo. What a gift. Thanks, Republicans, for this newfangled thingamaperson you’ve invented, the uppity airhead. Thank you for Sarah Palin who lectures us about Paul Revere so that we may edit his careening Wikipedia entry. Thank you for Michele Bachmann brandishing glass-eyed chootspah and reminding us that slave owners worked slave-like to end slaveishness. Thanks, thank you, thanks a jillion.

More of the Cupp magic?

Generational Racism is Old and Tired
S.E. Cupp | Townhall |Sep 23, 2009

Jimmy Carter is 85 years old. Dave Letterman is 62, Nancy Pelosi is 69, Maureen Dowd is 57, and Al Sharpton is 54.

. . We talk about race in blunt and unthreatening terms when race is an issue. And when it isn’t an issue, well, we don’t pretend it is.

Not so with the aging liberal cognoscenti, which, as of late, would be better labeled the “ignoscenti” for some of the baffling oddities they’ve uttered. For them, race is simply everywhere. It is hanging from the trees and falling from the sky. It’s in the air, in the water, it is both viscous and fluid, and permeates every willing orifice of every fertile sponge.

Sponges are a horny sentient lot, I know. Talking is Cheaper than Doing . .

“It’s one of those feel-good things that divide liberals from conservatives. Liberals want to talk. Conservatives want to do.

John McCain’s jaw-dropping afternoon statement Wednesday that he is suspending his campaign to return to Washington and work on fixing the country’s economic crisis sounded like someone drawing a saber, getting ready to charge the enemy, yelling ‘Who’s with me?!’ . . it should have forced Obama to mount up and join McCain.”

Alaska is the New Kansas . .

“But the values there — self-reliance, a respect for the land and its resources, and independence — are ridiculed by liberal outsiders who want to paint them as out-of-touch and backwards, with the kind of ethos embodied by an oinking Ned Beatty or a tire-burning Dale Earnhardt Jr., Sarah Palin refuses . .”

Quote Sarah: “Squeee . .” Quote S.E.: “Left-wing women: Stop impaling Palin. Southern hospitality confuses.

Much of life is confusing, for most of us. What to think of Ann Romney? What about her? Heck, that’s a no-brainer. That’s why S.E. likes her so darn much:

The smartest choice Ann Romney made
There is no shame in marrying up
S.E. Cupp | N.Y. Daily News |Apr 18 2012

As a thirtysomething, city-dwelling, hypereducated, independent-thinking woman, I suppose I should recoil at the idea of one day getting married, quitting my ultracompetitive job and staying home to raise my brood of germ-carrying moochers.

But as I sit in a cramped New York apartment, surrounded by bills, drowning in a sea of deadlines, the conventional life of a stay-at-home mother actually sounds pretty nice.

I’m so amazing. But I’m so, like, amazing isn’t for me. What a surprise.

. . while liberal women may praise Ann for (at least) getting herself an education, where is the praise for Ann’s best decision of all — to marry well? . .

If Democrats insist that women need Obama to take care of them, then why shouldn’t women also feel compelled to consider how their future husbands will take care of them? What’s the difference between the feminists’ political marriage to Obama and Ann’s marriage to Mitt? Both choices are predicated on who will be the better provider.

Let’s just admit that politics, money and love are all the same. S. E. sounds like your typical lazy urban intellectual catwoman. Bring it home Zsa Zsa:

The feminists may wish otherwise, but little girls want stability and security, not state-sponsored welfare. For choosing a life partner who could give her that, Ann Romney is a great role model.

This is S.E.’s big point. It seems to be the point of her whole career. The apotheosis of the post-modern woman’s hopes and dreams would be a little girl.


Top 10 things you’ll have sex with once gay marriage is legal

Gay marriage. People marrying each other. People of similar sex marrying each other. Gay people of the same gender mooning, spooning, petting, proposing, throwing parties, and then marrying each other.

The world dissolves. Tell me, brother: what things will cataclysm? Will there be any common sense to the holocaust? Will the Four Horsemen gallop a red carpet? I’d like to know.

Paint a picture for me the death throes of reality, please. Well, do you like sex? Yes, I do. Did you used to like sex? You can say goodbye to your familiar perversions, pal. This is who (and what) you’ll be humping from now on:

1.) A bunch of ladies:

“This May, homosexual and lesbian activists who live here in Minnesota will be able to travel to Massachusetts to have their same sex relationships declared marriages by the state of Massachusetts… If we allow this to happen, group marriage, polygamy and things much worse might not be far behind here in Minnesota.”

2.) A bunch of Muslim ladies:

“Gay marriage will lead to Sharia Law. A future redefinition of marriage that permits polygamy would facilitate the introduction an aspect of Sharia or Islamic law that permits a man to have up to four wives.”

3.) Mom:

“I have a strong desire to play shortstop for the Yankees,” he said. “I don’t have a right to, because I don’t have what it takes. And that would be what the church would say about marriage. We would say marriage by nature, marriage by definition is between a man and woman for life, giving children. Don’t tamper with the definition.”

Pressed by Safer to explain how exactly marriage equality would harm heterosexual marriages, Dolan responded, “Because where then would the tampering stop?”

“I mean, I love my mom,” said [Archbishop Timothy] Dolan. “I don’t have the right to marry her, OK? There are certain rights and attractions in life that are very beautiful and noble but don’t entitle you to marriage.”

4.) Fauna:

“The constitution needs to be amended to meet ‘God’s standards. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal.”

5.) Pets:

“This is a slippery slope… Can we marry dogs?”

6.) Donkeys:

“Who will be able to deny them that right? The guarantee is implied, we will be told, by the Constitution. Those who disagree will continue to be seen as hatemongers and bigots. Indeed, those charges are already being leveled against Christians who espouse biblical values. How about group marriage? Or marriage between daddies and little girls? Or marriage between a man and his donkey?”

7.) Angels:

“We need to remember the term sodomy came from a town that was known as Sodom, and Sodom was destroyed by God Almighty,” [Pat] Robertson noted by way of explanation. Sodom’s sin, he noted, was “homosexual activity,” apparently a gateway drug to “tr[ying] to rape angels that came down there.”

8.) Robots:

“But also if you pass this bill, you will set the groundwork that one day, when artificial intelligence is that advanced, we will be considering whether or not people can marry their androids. If anyone has watched Star Trek, you’ve seen the character Data, he was able — you laugh, but it’s true — he was able to generate a tear because he could feel emotion. If you knock down marriage between a man and a woman now, if you say that any two people who love each other can get married, then you set that precedent.”

9.) Furniture:

“In addition to that, at what point are we going to okay marrying inanimate objects? Can I marry this table or this, you know, chair?”

10.) Anything:

. . [David] Tyree is asked about the push to legalize gay marriage in the United States — and says if it happens, “This will be the beginning of our country sliding toward … it’s a strong word, but anarchy.”


Herman Cain: latest Republican knothead to run for president

Where, compatriots, do they get these people?

I kid you not a bit: my high school buddies were nowhere near this stupid. And none of them were qualified for the Presidency, for sure.

For instance, Mike Huckabee — a Republican heavyweight. There’s someone other Republicans could trust with their vote. That’s the type of guy who will be straight with the Conservative faithful.

That’s also the type of guy to crank out bizarre American history animations where Ronald Reagan defeats Black, knife-wielding disco fans. If those reality chops weren’t enough, he once criticized his president by reminding everyone of Obama’s formative childhood:

But then if you think about it, his perspective as growing up in Kenya with a Kenyan father and grandfather, their view of the Mau Mau Revolution in Kenya is very different than ours because he probably grew up hearing that the British were a bunch of imperialists who persecuted his grandfather.

Kenya. Okay. Well, Mike has bailed the game. So, what of the other geniuses? Who are the remaining Republican hopefuls? Dopefuls? Michele Bachmann?

“What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love for liberty,” the potential GOP presidential candidate said. “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world in Lexington and Concord.”

Lexington and Concord in New Hampshire? What a good president she’d make. The Secret Service would have to keep her on a leash — literally. She’d try to set up residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue . . in Pennsylvania.

Then, of course, there’s Sarah Palin. Aaannnnnnd . . . right.

And, now, there’s the latest calf in the Knothead Corral: Herman Cain. Former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, he’d make a brilliant president.

But you know what’s the problem with tattooing a copy of the Constitution on your ass? You never see the damn thing:

You know, those ideals that we live by, we believe in, your parents believed in, they instilled in you. When you get to the part about “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” don’t stop there, keep reading. Cause that’s when it says “when any form of government becomes destructive of those ideals, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it.” We’ve got some altering and some abolishing to do!

Hullo? That’s the Declaration of Independence, Herm.


Mike Huckabee tells of the time Reagan saved America from Black disco people

This TPM post caught my eye:

Mike Huckabee Fixes American History (VIDEO)
Evan McMorris-Santoro | May 11, 2011

Don’t worry, American youth: Mike Huckabee has fixed American history. No longer will you suffer under what Huckabee calls “the ‘blame America first’ attitude prevalent in today’s teaching.”

Late Wednesday, Huckabee announced LearnOurHistory.com, a sort of BMG Music Club for what he calls “unbiased” historical lessons for kids. For around $15 each, the company will send you a new animated tale of American history each month, told through the eyes of a gang of time traveling kids.

The initial Learn Our History lesson recalls the “Reagan Revolution” (full clip here). Oddly, it does not instruct the kids about a mannequin-president obviously slipping into Alzheimer’s oblivion, unable to command even the most prominent facts and features of modern America or his hopelessly corrupted administration.

Instead, the cartoon lectures the children about the hopelessness of Democratic presidencies. There the kids go, back to a time when Jimmy Carter malaised the nation. Back to a time when thieving Kenyans roamed the cityscape, listening to Lipps Inc. Back when they mugged time travelers to score tickets to the Rose Royce butt-wagger at the Odeon Stalinplex.

That thug’s voice sounds oddly like a White person’s. A lot like a White Republican impersonating a Black Person, as far as Republicans know. But I remember well the Negro of the nineteen seventies and his disco culture. Songs like “Doing The Five To Ten,” and “Shake That Newborn, Baby!,” “Business District Inferno,” and “Who’s That Parolee?”.

Whatever the case, the animated lesson certainly reminds you of just how bad things were. There was little regard for good government. There was little regard for forthright politics, for honest discourse, even for simple facts and figures.

Those were the Reagan years. It was a time when the president, unwilling to fight his polluter buddies, once lectured Americans that “Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.” That was not true. Even if it were, you can bet not one ficus would have been outfitted with a catalytic converter, so there wasn’t even a practical point in saying it. He said of Michael Dukakis:

“You know, if I listened to him long enough, I would be convinced that we’re in an economic downturn, and that people are homeless, and people are going without food and medical attention, and that we’ve got to do something about the unemployed.”

You get the drift. A fantasy world gratefully fogged Ronald Reagan, thus he did not believe your truths. He believed his own. He did as he pleased, regardless. The AIDS epidemic exploded, and Ronnie neither acknowledged it nor lifted a finger to stop it. He was uncomfortable with the gays, so thousands upon thousands died from research delays.

He wanted overseas American hostages returned, but never bothered to figure out how to get that done. So he just sold missiles to the terrorist captors. When caught, he denied he did it. After articles and exposes and reports and a commission, and months and months of bullshitting, long after the evidence proved he’d been lying, he bizarrely and finally took the blame:

“A few months ago I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages. My heart and my best intentions still tell me that’s true, but the facts and the evidence tell me it is not.”

That’s the best our gee-whiz president could do. I didn’t do it, but I guess I did it. Reality was always the unwelcome guest in the presidency of Ronald Reagan.

Which brings me to this, the animation’s perhaps triumphant bit, the Jupiter of iconic moments in the Pantheon of Reaganism. There the president looms in West Berlin. “Mister Gorbachev — tear down this wall.”

Let’s ignore Reagan’s frighteningly large mocha jack o’ lantern visage and inky pompadour. Instead, let’s offer to agree, to think the animation is iconic of Ronnie as well. It’s indicative of Mike Huckabee’s apparent need to focus the past and make it perfectly accurate, too.

Yes, there the Gipper stands astride history at Brandenburg Gate. But who’s history? What kind of history?

Tell me, folks — where are the attendees? Where went the flags and that memorable fence with the window? Where did Chancellor Helmut Kohl go?

Hell, Mike — where is the fricking Berlin Wall? There was some point in having it nearby.

And what post-modern city is Ronnie in, incidentally? With all the buildings across the background? With the skyscraper and its lightning rod over his shoulder?

It ain’t Berlin in 1987, that’s for sure. It’s not any Berlin, ever. So it’s Reagan’s Berlin, isn’t it?


How big a HACK is Ben Smith?

Geez. Tough to say exactly. Lame-o is Chris Matthews-wise politically obsessed, but does no investigative work, shows no individuality or independence, and pimps for the dreaded Politico . .

Let’s say he’s a huge hack to begin with, and then we’ll move on from there?

Ol’ Hick Muckabee says President Obama grew up in Kenya? How very retarded of an adult. Ben Smith, to the rescue!

Huckabee didn’t mean it
Mar 1, 2011, | Politico

Mike Huckabee, who has never indulged paranoia about Obama’s birth — and who has generally chided vitriolic attacks on the president and First Lady — pretty clearly misspoke in a radio interview today . .

Huckabee is a proud political side of bacon, come ’round for a second intellectual scalding. He’ll say anything for any reason — ergo, the predictable outrage he earned today. Non-whackos don’t pull this crap. Apologists are too smart to do shit like this as well. What they do is different: they try to rehabilitate hide-torn spastics like Hick-Muck.

It was all a goober!

“Governor Huckabee simply misspoke when he alluded to President Obama growing up in ‘Kenya.’ The Governor meant to say the President grew up in Indonesia.”

Of course! The two countries are indistinguishable. And Huck’s just yer Reggeluhr ‘Merican D00d. What the fuck does he really know?

HUCKABEE: What I know is troubling enough. And one thing that I do know is his having grown up in Kenya, his view of the Brits, for example, very different than the average American.

OOPS. The British were the colonial masters of Kenya. Hick seems to be oddly hot on the heels of a “misspoke.”

HUCKABEE: When he gave the bust back to the Brits —

MALZBERG: Of Winston Churchill.

HUCKABEE: The bust of Winston Churchill, a great insult to the British . .

OOPS. The President didn’t return it, he moved it the residence. For simply misspeaking, Ole’ Mick Huckabee remains quotably loaded for our Commander African Bear.

. . his perspective as growing up in Kenya with a Kenyan father and grandfather, their view of the Mau Mau Revolution in Kenya is very different than . .

OOPS. Britons/Mau-Maus/Kenyans/The Fifties.

BREAKING (and totally unrelated): When not in Hawaii, Barack Obama grew up in Indonesia, the fourth largest country in the world.

(5,000 miles from Kenya.)


I’m not a fan of Donald Trump

Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, these are your opponents, America. And if it were anything but politics, you could get staggeringly drunk before the match and still slap them all into oblivion.

But it’s politics. So you gotta accept that these happen to be the heavyweight contenders in a tilt beyond your simple little living. And, so. These are the pros who, by their same old means, could put down your guy in the second round. No, you can’t get in the ring, no, there’s nothing you can really do.

It’s an empty feeling.

Here comes more of that:

Trump’s Run for President . .
Feb. 22 | Kevin Hassett | Bloomberg

After making a big splash at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington this month, Donald Trump was asked if he is considering a run for the presidency.

“I’m incredibly tempted,” he responded.

Oh, how easy would it be to push Donald Trump to the ground? If you were ever allowed within a few feet of him? You’d expect the guy to go over like a porcelain clown. The impossible insult, too much; he’d go cold on the spot. Spit nothing of blood, just lay there like a statue. As he did, fans too terrified to touch The Donald, he’d become what he always wanted — a fixture of the landscape.

To be sure, Trump looked like a solid Republican presidential candidate at the CPAC meeting and on subsequent television appearances last week. He asserted, for example, in an interview with Fox News host Greta Van Susteren that, “I’m probably as conservative as anybody on your show, and that’s going a pretty strong step. I’m Republican, a very conservative Republican. I believe strongly in just about all conservative principles, just about.”

You don’t believe in shit. We keeled you over and you went morte. Dead.

This is a man who was a registered Republican from 1987 to 1999, then switched to the Independence Party in October 1999. In August 2001, he became a Democrat and flipped back to Republican in 2009.

Of course he did. Because he was the sort of opportunistic scum that deserved to be bludgeoned to death by trees. As soon as he showed his pinched face, the sky should have come down on him like a cyanide blanket. Taste would have publicly executed him. Mercy lashed his hands and feet. Propriety filmed the whole thing.

In 1999, he told Tim Russert on “Meet the Press,” “I am pro-choice in every respect.” Last week he said to Van Susteren, “I’m pro-life. I think that’s a big social issue.”

Violence please return this infant.

On health care, the old Trump said, “Our people are our greatest asset. We must take care of our own. We must have universal health care.” Today he promises to end the new health-care law, and has added that, “I do not think it’s constitutional.”

Righteousness rip him to bits. Vultures pick his eyes and then vomit them on cold concrete.


Do Bush’s evangelicals feel alienated? Mike Huckabee hates CPAC, Libertarians and the Teabaggers.

Mindless Bush supporters greased the skids for the Great Recession, and maybe now they reap the rewards. Chaos is unpredictable.

Mike Huckabee, the last Republican candidate standing against John McCain for the Republican presidential nod at the end of 2008, is just an outsider to all the current Conservative hub-bub.

Mike Huckabee rips CPAC

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee blasted the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) Saturday as outdated, nearly corrupt and unrepresentative of the conservative movement.

Huckabee, a 2008 Republican presidential contender and potential 2012 candidate who had spoken at the conference for years, said the reason he blew it off this year was that the meeting has become dominated by libertarian activists.

“CPAC has becoming increasingly more libertarian and less Republican over the last years, one of the reasons I didn’t go this year” . .

Meaning that CPAC is ” . . less Republican” in the sense of ‘a lot less willing sit through the same old cob-webby Christian Huckabee spiel.’ Mike was once a convenient friend of the religio-political power cabal that turned the country inside out. He doesn’t understand why his message is no longer thrilling.

Huckabee said the rise of the tea party movement had “taken all of the oxygen out of the room,” rendering the venerable conference far less relevant than it had been in previous years.

“Where CPAC was historically the event, the tea parties are having their own events all over the country and a lot more truly grassroots people are getting involved because of the tea parties,” said the former governor.

So when grass-roots activism arises out of the sleepy Conservative wing, that’s not current, relevant? Sounds like a case for yesterday’s news, not today’s.