Tag Archives: president donald trump

Right hand up and repeat after me: Fuck Texas Judges

Of course Your Honor will stay. But you really need to go.

Donald Trump’s election looms over a U.S. citizenship ceremony in San Antonio, as the judge presiding over the ceremony says if you don’t like that Trump will be president, go to another country.

“I can assure you that whether you voted for him or you did not vote for him, if you are a citizen of the United States, he is your president,” Judge John Primomo said. “He will be your president and if you do not like that, you need to go to another country.”

Now that you’ve become a U.S. citizen, now that you’re even more like the other 50-something percent of us who despise racism, misogyny and wholesale fuckishness, you need to leave. You need to abandon your family and your precious dreams. Because Judge Primomo’s name popped up on on the roster for weekend duties.

The room at the Institute of Texan Cultures Thursday night was a melting pot, a collection of hopeful faces…

Taco Bueno. It was a Taco Bueno.

“I detest that, because you can protest things that happen in this country; you have every right to,” Judge Primomo said. “You don’t do that by offending national symbols like the national anthem and the flag of the United States.”

I hate when rioters don’t come with chips and salsa. And I love a good chalupa, not that anybody bothered to asked me. Why don’t you people think about somebody other than yourselves? Why not ask us what we want every once in awhile? I could really go for a protest, shoot.

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One problem with candidate Hillary Clinton

In losing to an awful no good racist sex criminal who happened to be the Republican nominee, we have in Hillary Clinton a bad candidate. An historically bad candidate. We have someone who did not know the country, did not understand its current politics, and could not connect with voters. Frankly she just wasn’t interested. The job was already hers, why should she bother?

The GOP may have gotten stuck with a hard charging despoiler, but, after the most painful presidential campaign in history, America preferred him.

That’s how bad Hillary was. This is how badly the Democratic party ended up doing. And don’t annoy me, not everybody in America is a scumbag, okay? Not everybody is an uneducated bozo. There should have been obvious ways for Hillary to win. It should have been easy.

But she stank. In a time where politicians, Republicans particularly, are a bunch of entitled do-nothings that know fuck all about America, and obviously don’t care, she looked like an example of the problem. Nobody has a proper idea of the things Hillary Clinton has done for anyone. Nobody has any idea what it is she really gives a damn about. The Iraq War, the Bankruptcy Bill, the incestuous ties with the party – we’re all familiar with that. But what’s her true passion? Where’s the soul of this politician?

Barack Obama didn’t help.

“I can say with confidence there has never been a man or a woman, not me, not Bill, nobody more qualified than Hillary Clinton to serve as president of the United States of America.”

What about John Kerry? He too was a Senator. Not just for a paltry eight years, for twenty-eight years. Now he’s the Secretary of State, just like Hillary was. Has there never been a more qualified person to serve as president than him? Is he someday the greatest candidate ever?

How about Chuck Hagel? He was a senator for 12 years, then he became the Secretary of Defense. Has there never been a more qualified person than Chuck to serve as president? Will we someday call him the candidate of the century?

It makes no sense. What’s Obama getting at? Why would he go out of his way to say this? Answer: Because the candidate was once the spouse of a president. That’s the sizzle in the argument – this person once lived in the White House. She’s been there before.

How dumb is that? She didn’t have any constituents, she had no official duties. She did not participate in the government, never argued for or against any legislation, never ruled on a case before the Supreme Court, and cast absolutely no votes in Congress in eight years. But Obama, like so many other giddy Democrats, actually thought Americans would ultimately be swayed by this mundane fact. The difference between Clinton and all those other senator-secretaries is…she used to be First Lady.

This is what made the candidate a slam-dunk. This was why no discerning person could vote for Donald Trump. This was why, without a doubt, there’s “never been a more qualified person to serve as president.” Because she once was married to a president.

Imagine saying the exact same thing of another candidate. Imagine saying that of someone who happened to be a man-person. If somebody named Steve Smith were a former first gentleman and senator/secretary? If he ran for President? Would Democrats say he was the greatest candidate ever? Anyone making that argument would get laughed at. If anything, people would find it a reason to vote against him.

Americans didn’t buy the hype, and you can’t blame them. The sad truth is that Hillary Clinton is probably more of an idea than she is a politician. But you can bet the “Mrs. White House” argument made it much easier for all those smartypants neoliberal gurus to run her campaign. I mean, hell, who doesn’t love a first lady? President Donald Trump would like to thank every one of them.

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Candidate Donald Trump mocks stupid Barack Obama, contrasts his own brilliance

I really feel sorry for the guy, Donald Trump. I do.

To be so much better than everybody else for so long, and yet have to sit there so quietly in his private life, never hinting at his own public potential? Heavens. He should have been President of the United States long ago. But until today, none of us appreciated the fact.

Thank god Don shook off his reticence:

. . and who the hell is Barack Obama? Illinois Senator for 8 years? Author of two national best sellers? Addressor to the nation at the Democratic National Convention? U.S. Senator for Illinois? U.S. President? Nobel laureate? Nobody.

Donald Trump — now that guy, he does business. That’s actual stuff. He stole-won all sorts of things: deals, and contracts and negotiations. Trump is somebody.

Why not make this right? We should swap ’em. No one for someone. Nobodies just return to being nobodies. And the winners take all, fair enough.

“I’ll be taking your votes now. Thanks for dropping by.”

That sounds right. ‘Night, drive safely.

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President Donald Trump rallies America to attack Germany, OPEC and the Somali pirates

Limousine chatter:

Steve — hey quiet everybody. STEVE — WHY CAN’T I HEAR MY CELLPHONE? BUT YOU TOLD ME MY CELLPHONE WAS WORKING, I CAN’T HEAR A THING. WHAT? MUTE?

Future President Donald Trump, on his way to CPAC.

You know the problem with politicians? It’s the assholes. No not ours, theirs:



China, for instance. Did you know all our money is going to China? And you know what they’re doing with it? Building a modern country! What the HELL?

And OPEC! You know what they’ve been doing, for years? Charging WHATEVER THE HELL THEY LIKE. No, really. When I’m President, you can bet I’ll tell them: GASOLINE PRICES WILL COME DOWN RIGHT NOW.

*YAY*

I can’t BELIEVE I’m the only person who will do this. Incidentally — did I hear this right, or am I going deaf — Germans are about to BUY our New York Stock Exchange? Can you believe it . . ?

*BOO*

Incidentally — the Somali pirates? You give me one good Admiral and a couple of destroyers, and I’ll BLAST EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM OUT OF THE WATER.

*YAY*

It’s all pretty simple, really.

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