Tag Archives: raid


Pictured (l to r): The President, Moe the bartender senator

Shorter John McCain, War Footing, Grenade & Garden:

“Why, when I find out who you are, I’m going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt.”


First Obama’s a fricking wuss, then he’s a serial killer

I almost feel bad for the wingnut nation.

Earth’s Public Enemy Number One, murderer of thousands upon thousands of innocent men, women and children, Osama bin Laden, took a bullet in the eye courtesy this president making such a thing a priority for his intelligence and military communities.

He’s dead. The killing is done, call off the search. Let the sighs of relief and the occasional slapping of backs proceed.

And let the mind-numbing confusion of our conservative friends explode in every direction. Liberals cannot do such things. The over-educated, over-sensitive reality-based people are good for lecturing Belizean eco-tourists and populating Swiss libraries, but they don’t take out the most highly revered culture warrior, most awe-inspiring religious right-winger in all of conservadom, their beloved bin Laden. Something is desperately amiss, and somebody better mention it quick.

Camera Two: Fox News and Judge Napolitano. The sober, grounded patriot takes it upon himself to put all the champagne jubilation back into its unconstitutional bottle. What we know of the operation is that it amounts to a towering crime. Oh, and did I mention that Obama sucked even before all this?

Memes: unconstitutionality, homicide, whimsy, deaths of glenn beck and rush limbaugh, government spending, affordable healthcare, failed presidency.

“Where will it stop? Who will President Obama kill next? . . Can he kill whomever is an obstacle for his purposes? Can he kill Bradley Manning? Or Julian Assange? Or Khalid Sheikh Muhammed? Could he kill Glenn Beck? Or Rush Limbaugh? Or me?”

Dear “Judge” Napolitano — yep, buddy, you’re next. You’re as important as Osama bin Laden. Now go and fap yourself to death before we dispatch a gay SEAL to do it first.


Sheriff Arpaio rolls out Steven Seagal in a tank to knock down a house full of chickens

This might be Joe Arpaio’s greatest law enforcement endeavor yet. How proud the people of Phoenix must be of a Sheriff who’d use a tank and a constipated Hollywood action-marshmallow to take out a bunch of chickens.

Yep, whenever you need to demolish a bungalow crawling with domesticated fowl, law enforcement should call Steven Seagal. And put him in a tank. Ask him to flatten the henhouse. I assume that’s because Sylvester Stallone is too busy to launch a missile strike. When Brian Bosworth can’t provide any NATO air cover.

Forward the armored personnel carriers! Bring on the bomb-fiddling robot, dispatch the SWAT guys. Automatic weapons and flash-bang grenades at the ready, everybody, cuz’ here we go. Cue big, bad Joe Arpaio on a bullhorn:


Steven Seagal, Sheriff Raid Valley Home In Tank
KPHO.com | Mar 21, 2011

PHOENIX — Sheriff Joe Arpaio rolled out the tanks to take down a man suspected of cockfighting.

West Valley residents in the neighborhood are crying foul after armored vehicles, including a tank, rolled into their neighborhood to make the bust.


Neighbor Debra Ross was so worried she called 911 and went outside where a nearby home had its windows blown out, was crawling with dozens of SWAT members in full gear, armored vehicles and a bomb robot.

“When the tank came in and pushed the wall over and you see what’s in there, and all it is, is a bunch of chickens,” Ross said.

“WE CAN SEE YOU.” (*bak-gak!*) “COME OUT.”

In a massive show of force on Monday, the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office executed a search warrant and arrested the homeowner, Jesus Llovera, on charges of suspected cockfighting.

Llovera was alone in the house at the time of the arrest, and he was unarmed.

“WE’RE COMING IN.” (*brrrawk!*)

The Sheriff’s Department has entered into a contract with Seagal and part of that contract gives Seagal carte blanche to go along with the sheriff as he arrests people.

Thousands of dollars in damages were made to the property and 115 birds were euthanized on the spot.


Llovera was convicted of a misdemeanor last year of attending a cockfight and has no history of owning weapons.

[Seagal:] “Hey, chickens . . tank you, very much.”

[cue ‘cops shoveling squished chickens over credits’ theme:]

And our heroes amble off, into a city no safer, trading manly barbs…


Belgian police raid Catholic Church to seize evidence of child molestation

It’s about time. Frustrated with the Church’s meaningless promises of cooperation with authorities, and shocked, as all other Belgians were, to hear of the 73 year-old Bishop of Bruges’ admittance of serial child molestation, the police apparently had had enough. Last Thursday, in Brussels and Leuven, they took matters into their own hands:

Belgian Catholic bishops angered by police raids
Friday, 25 June 2010 12:59

. . On Thursday, the police carried out a series of raids as part of an investigation into allegations of abuse committed by priests.

belgian police raidThe Church’s headquarters, the Palace of the Archbishop of Mechelen-Brussels, was sealed off, while officers searched for related material. Bishops meeting there were barred from leaving the premises or telephoning outside for several hours.

Officers also raided the nearby home of the recently retired archbishop of Belgium, Cardinal Godfried Danneels, seizing paperwork and his computer . .

In Leuven, investigators seized all 475 dossiers from the offices of the Church commission tracking complaints and compiling evidence about clerical sexual abuse. The computer of the commission’s chairman was also taken . .

“This violates the right to confidentiality of victims who have contacted the commission,” he said. “Such acts greatly complicate the necessary and excellent work of the committee.”

You have got to be kidding me. There’s a clear pattern of behavior here regarding the Church.

It goes something like this: the molestations and rapes become known, usually first within the Church. One or two people are made aware of them, but the matter is pushed aside. A few years later, the allegations re-surface, probably with a lower level church person.

Molester Stephen Kiesle

Molester Stephen Kiesle

Another high-level person or two become aware of the crimes, and some time passes, but the matter is again pushed aside.

The allegations become known outside the Church. Now several people have to become involved. Communications and reports are passed around for months on end. After a year or two, the small clamor begins to die down, and the matter is effectively pushed aside. The allegations re-surface publicly again as part of a whole group of similar crimes. Well, now, this is serious, right? Must be time for a commission.

Who are they kidding? When the Bishop of Bruges(!) himself admits to being a serial child molester, the jig is up. Belgian authorities and society have every right to force the Church to surrender everything they’ve ever known about these miserable sexual predators.

Belgian bishop Roger Vangheluwe resigns over abuse of boy
Published: 6:17PM BST 23 Apr 2010

Roger_VangheluweThe resignation of Roger Vangheluwe, 73, the Bishop of Bruges since 1984, was the first from Belgium since a child abuse scandal began testing the Catholic Church several months ago in Europe and the United States . .

“When I was not yet a bishop, and some time later, I abused a boy,” Vangheluwe said in the statement.

“This has marked the victim forever. The wound does not heal. Neither in me nor the victim,” Vangheluwe’s statement said . .

. . and there’s another pattern of behavior here. Who is sad? Who feels bad? Who again is the victim?

Pope Benedict attacks Belgium police for raiding suspected pedophile priests
By Agence France-Presse
Sunday, June 27th, 2010 — 4:40 pm

. . “I want to express… my closeness and solidarity in this moment of sadness, in which, with certain surprising and deplorable methods, searches were carried out including in the Mechelen cathedral and in the premises where the Belgian episcopate was meeting in plenary session,” [Pope Benedict] said . .

Vatican Secretary of State Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone said Saturday the detention of bishops was “serious and unbelievable”, likening it to the practices of communist regimes.

As I opined before, until the Church shows the respect towards society and its laws they very much deserve, the clashes between it and the various wronged states, and its citizens, will only grow nastier and more incendiary.

I have no doubt that if these people were murderers, the Church would find a way to do the right thing. But because Church officials (wrongly) think these people are merely indulging in sexual shenanigans, that they’re just your garden variety fallible mortals, the Church has become part of an obscene conspiracy. It’s doing evil.