Tag Archives: rick santorum

Enter Santorum the Democrat

Workers of the World! You may call me . . Rick.

Rick Santorum ripped Mitt Romney’s campaign Thursday for mishandling President Barack Obama’s “you didn’t build that” gaffe last summer. The former Pennsylvania senator recalled all the business owners who spoke at the Republican National Convention.

“One after another, they talked about the business they had built. But not a single — not a single — factory worker went out there,” Santorum told a few hundred conservative activists at an “after-hours session” of the Faith and Freedom Coalition conference in Washington. “Not a single janitor, waitress or person who worked in that company! We didn’t care about them. You know what? They built that company too! And we should have had them on that stage.”

So this is his 2016 campaign strategy: Sucker the drones. Have them carry Ricky to the Oval office, preferably in a mid-Phoenician sedan chair fashioned from his enemies’ foreskins. Any of you foresee a problem with this strategy?

“There is income inequality in America. There always has been and hopefully, and I do say that, there always will be,” said the former Pennsylvania Senator . .

“We should celebrate like we do in the small towns all across American, as you do here in Detroit. You celebrate success. You build statues and monuments. Buildings, you name after them.”

Some voters will take notice of Rick’s vigorous career as a fuck you Republican.

At a campaign stop in Sioux City, Iowa on Sunday, Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum singled out blacks as being recipients of assistance through federal benefit programs, telling a mostly-white audience he doesn’t want to “make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money.”

Then again, Rick once donated his family name to American butt humping. And what’s more populist than that?

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Rick Santorum talks about smart people

Rick. Santorum. Altar boy: Rick Santorum. Sinless sweetums. Rick, the perfect dick. Given his penchant for looping psychedelia, alter boy Rick Santorum. Sir Serotonin of Beetle Juice. Bug-butt crazy preacher to the 101st chapter of Our Dilettante of the Burning Cross, he who couldn’t light a gas can if human brain cells were fire apparent, Rick Santorum. Fucking Rick Cocksucker It’s Me — ME, Jesus! — Santorum.

WASHINGTON, DC — Former presidential candidate Rick Santorum attacked the media and “smart people” for not being on the side of conservatives in a speech to the Values Voter Summit on Saturday.

He needs friends? Try not being a vicious asshole for a while, pal.

“We will never have the media on our side, ever, in this country,” Santorum, a former Pennsylvania senator, told the audience at the Omni Shoreham hotel. “We will never have the elite, smart people on our side.”

Then this: “But we will forever attack the instruments of sin. Like homosexuality. And fireflies. Motion detectors. Noon day fog. Restless pets. Wheels that would spin.”

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John McCain Parts the Sea of Human Nature

Oh look. The wise man of the sunrise Sabbath’s central broadcast has descended from the green room. Something surely has gone astray. NBC/Universal’s danishes have gone rancid. Rupert’s cheese smells fishy. Some poor page within striking distance of the volcanic Arizona senator flashed him the stink eye, and it’s time to tear her head off. What’s up, John?

Former GOP presidential candidate John McCain said yesterday he fears Republicans will be stuck with a bloodied nominee so sapped by months of campaign attacks that he can’t beat President Obama — even as the party’s four combatants prepare to do battle again today in Michigan and Arizona.

Sniff. Oh Lord Above, why all do they do this? The bitter fighting? The complaining? Disaster approaches. A sailor smart enough to crash every jet he climbed into speaks from on high. I’m warning you: A clown family can only take so much yelling. Or haven’t you noticed all the cannons and bowling pins?

“This is like watching a Greek tragedy,” McCain told the Herald. “It’s the negative campaigning and the increasingly personal attacks … it should have stopped long ago. Any utility from the debates has been exhausted, and now it’s just exchanging cheap shots and personal shots followed by super PAC attacks.”

Can I? May I ask? What for, exactly, buddy? This public tumult? To subject yourself and the tangent Bozos to personal rancor, only to become the most powerful organism in four billion years of planetary history. Really? This is all worth it?

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When it comes to the economy, Rick Santorum is a fool

This is a pretty good demonstration of Rick Santorum’s mastery of the mechanics of our country. This is his grasp of our most vital national commons, the U.S. economy.

If I were to ask you what caused the recent historic and disastrous collapse of our fiscal well-being, I imagine you’d say something like this: “It’s complicated.” Some of you would add, “Lending institutions over-extended themselves in reckless attempts to make quick profits. While the influx of loan money caused an artificial inflation in home values, the sickly loans were sold to investment firms. A house of cards got built across several vital sectors of the economy. And, when it collapsed, we were left with crippling debt but almost no way to pay it off.”

For Rick, however, things aren’t so messy. Things are pretty simple:

“We went into a recession in 2008 because of gasoline prices,” Santorum told a packed hotel ballroom of supporters. “The bubble burst in housing because people couldn’t pay their mortgages because of $4 a gallon gasoline,” he added.

This isn’t a new attack Santorum is road-testing in Michigan, he’s said it before:

“We went into a recession in 2008. People forget why,” Rick Santorum told an audience recently. “They thought it was a housing bubble. The housing bubble was caused because of a dramatic spike in energy prices that caused the housing bubble to burst … People had to pay so much money to air condition and heat their homes or pay for gasoline that they couldn’t pay their mortgage.”

As far as reasons a sane observer might offer for our economic misery, this is an absurd one. Look at gas prices in 2008:

The spike around June is remarkable. But the epic price collapse is even more astonishing. If Rick thinks a short price hike in gasoline is capable of wiping out the American economy, he’s a frighteningly poor student of the world. Someone foisting that logic upon us better be able to defend the chronic nature of the recession in the face of the exact same critical factor collapsing to no effect. How can gas prices drive the economy in the middle of 2008 and have absolutely no effect a few months later?

If you look at the details, Rick’s supposed understanding of our economy becomes even more preposterous. From the beginning of 2008 to the spike, gas prices rose about $1.10. That means that, at its worst, the rise in gasoline cost the average American family an additional $103 a month. Bad, but hardly devastating.

The peak was over in a couple of months. Meantime, gasoline costs were something people had control over: they could drive less, carpool, or switch to fuel-efficient cars. Rick figures that, instead of choosing to solve the gasoline problem, Americans simply threw up their hands and sacrificed their houses.

This demonstrates a knowledge of virtually nothing vitally important to the workings of our economy, least of all the behavior of that element — Americans — he’d like to get to vote for him. And anyone who argues that the economy entered a recession after 2007 can’t be taken seriously.

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The Republicans are a beautiful mess

Just look at Politico this morning. When have you seen such a pretty sight?

Story #1 is about poor, occasionally reasonable Republican Dick Lugar. He’s unlikely to win another senate term because he’s not Tea Party enough for the whackos who have taken over his party.

Story #2 relates how godbotherer Rick Santorum was nauseated by John F. Kennedy, an American of some regard.

“To say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes me want to throw up. What kind of country do we live in where only people of non-faith can come in the public square and make their case? That makes me throw up. And that should make every American [throw up]” . .

In 1960 Kennedy needed to make clear his intention, as a scary Catholic, perhaps likely to obey the Vatican rather than Americans’ wishes, that he wouldn’t defer to religious leaders in his decisions. The speech helped convince voters that the candidate could be trusted. Rick rejects Kennedy, the separation of church and state and the Founding Fathers. We can assume The Pope will loom large over the Santorum presidency. Excellent campaign strategy, sure to win him those skittish independents.

Story #3. Former New York Mayor Ed Koch, mostly a moderate Republican nowadays, thinks Rick is crazy. With kisses.

“Santorum is nuts,” Koch told Klein. “And I say that in a loving way. He is someone who is of the belief that religious obligations that he has can be imposed on other people. Now I don’t mind his imposing on himself the business of no pre-natal care, no abortion. That’s okay from his point of view. . . You know, it used to be we did eliminate the right to sell condoms in Connecticut. The Supreme Court said that was wrong. Now what Santorum has said in affect is he would like to see states go back to criminalizing the sale of contraception. I think that’s crazy.”

Plenty of people, especially conservative Jews, still listen to Ed. Good luck with those folks, Rick. Story #4:

“It looks like we can throw Jeb Bush’s hat into the ring, along with Sarah Palin, as hoping to be chosen as the nominee after a contested convention,” [Ann] Coulter said on “Fox News Sunday.” . .

The conservative author, who is supporting former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, said that a Jeb Bush candidacy would be a disaster.

“I think on closer examination, Jeb Bush would be the worst of all candidates to run, for one thing,” said Coulter. “We don’t need another Bush. That would be embarrassing to the Republican Party.”

So even the stalwarts are beginning to seriously discuss the deus ex machina options. Dynamite. Golly, it was Coulter’s job to pimp Romney. Instead, she’d rather remind everybody that Jeb Bush isn’t the best choice for a busted convention pick. Somewhere out there, though, the right man or woman waits, right? What should Mitt do now, Ann? Open up back-channel communications with Mitch Daniels? How about a Mormon for vice president, buddy?

Story #5. Speaks for itself:

“I think we’re returning to the dark ages. What? We’re discussing the legitimacy of birth control in this country? That discussion, I thought, had ended 30 years ago,” said term-limited Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer, who dubbed the four Republican presidential candidates “Christmas packages under the tree.”

Hilarious. Story #6, Brian is right:

A new POLITICO/George Washington University Battleground Poll reveals the prolonged nominating battle is taking a toll on the GOP candidates and finds the president’s standing significantly improved from late last year.

President Barack Obama’s approval rating is 53 percent, up 9 percentage points in four months. Matched up against his Republican opponents, he leads Mitt Romney by 10 points (53-43) and Rick Santorum by 11 (53-42). Even against a generic, unnamed Republican untarnished by attacks, Obama is up 5 percentage points. In November, he was tied.

Obama looks better and better. Meanwhile, the Republicans descend deeper into chaos. Michigan and Arizona hold no hope of making anything clearer. You gotta like this.

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Callooh Callay, it’s Jonah Fugging Goldberg

Syrian tanks are ripping civilians to shreds. The pedophiles in Los Angeles’ unified school district multiply by the day. And mass-less neutrinos may be flying faster than the speed of light. Who knows? The world is a hash.

Reality titters at us. If only someone would make sense of it all.

Jonah Goldberg
Mr. Right Eludes the GOP
National Review | Feb 22 2012

“If we could just take a little bit from each of them.”

I’ve lost track of how many people I have heard say some version of this in the last couple of months.

Cream soda and biscuits! Jonah Goldberg. Goldberg! He’s here. taaah-daaah.

If there’s anyone who can patch a mess — wait, did I say Jonah Goldberg? He’s here! He’s . . huum. He’s doing whatever he does. And soon everything becomes white on white, by bright white, fluorescent lit. Tinged with marshmallow, highlighted with frosted cotton, dusted in quick lime. Look at all the details.

You say, sir, none of your drooling, pine-headed sloths qualifies for the presidency? Stragety brainyhoo time. Jonah Time. A little bit of one here, and a little bit of the other there, and no one goes to the penitentiary. Is that it? You could sew the liver of one on to the face of the other, and you’d have yourself another Ronald Reagan. He was a bole-spotted jack o’lantern if ever there were one. Dude was sharp like a tack. The stupid, soul-rending process of sailing right into the wind, he was. Where did we all leave the football, Agent, eh, Beaner Suit-guy?

Take Newt Gingrich’s verbal dexterity, encyclopedic grasp of politics, and techno-optimism. Add in Rick Santorum’s authenticity and religious conviction.

Throw in a billion dollars, and you, sir, have yourself a deal. That way, I’ll be long gone before Rick Gingtorum accidentally sets fire to the wheat fields, killing milllions.

Combine that with the essence of Ron Paul’s principled passion for liberty and limited government.

So President Paul Santorich can then lynch the African-American rioters.

Stir vigorously and then pour into the handsome, squeaky-clean vessel of Mitt Romney (while keeping his business acumen and analytical skill).

And you have visited Satan upon this planet.

And voilà, you’d have the perfect candidate.

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Hand Rick Santorum your immortal soul and later pray to get it back

Campaigning politicians do plenty of shitty things to the world, but maybe the worst they do is make a case why they should be in charge of the likes of you.

It’s not an easy thing to do, frankly. A politician is trying to get a likely sensible person to do something stupid: give up their power to an inferior clod. Luckily, there are plenty of tricks to play upon the electorate.

George Washington used to get the hoi polloi drunk. It worked. Andrew Johnson, taking over for Abraham Lincoln after his assassination, told the Democrats in 1868 that he was the agent to intervene in the rise of Southern black political power. Oddly, his bid failed. George W. Bush’s brother Jeb constructed local Florida ballots so byzantine, they’d have hypnotized M.C. Escher at 30 feet. That was a winner.

Rick Santorum has his methods. He’d like to appeal to the voters by raising their self-esteem. This he’ll do by pretending The Great Horned One is obsessed with them. How can they resist?

If you were Satan, who would you attack in this day and age? There is no one else to go after other than the United States, and that’s been the case for now almost 200 years, once America’s preeminence was sown by our great Founding Fathers.

Once America institutionalized slavery through its constitutional process, the Devil looked at America and said, “Never before has a nation so compassionate, well-meaning and humane been constructed. I can’t have these saints hanging around, it’s time to wipe them out. (Hey, is this place a mess, what with all the shackled children and dead bodies laying around, or what?)” Satan has been nipping at America’s heels ever since. Occasionally, he snags one of us:

He was successful. The place where he was, in my mind, the most successful and first successful was in academia. He understood pride of “smart” people. He attacked them at their weakest, that they were in fact smarter than everybody else and could come up with something new and different, pursue new truths, deny the existence of truth, play with it, “because we’re smart;” and so academia a long time ago fell.

The first idiots to figure out that slavery was evil, the folks who did “pursue new truth,” were also the first to fall. Are you getting this, voters? America has always been perfect. You’ve always been gooder than a professor. Supernatural forces have always plotted against you, from even before you were born. I’m here to tell you, it’s all true. Thirsty, by any chance? In the back, by the folding tables, we’ve got mead by the barrel.

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Rick Santorum despairs of a healthy, modern America again

What with all the abortion excitement in the air, I was wondering when one of the wingnuts was gonna lose it. You can’t get a bunch of baboons this overheated without something ugly happening. And, whaddyaknow, it was the godbotherer Rick Santorum who said something nearly too stupid to believe.

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Campaigning in Ohio on Saturday, Rick Santorum displayed his culture-warrior side in full force, as he harshly attacked President Obama by suggesting the president wanted to see more disabled babies aborted and accusing him of projecting his values – which Santorum claimed were not rooted in the Bible – on the Catholic Church.

The reporters pressing, the cameras flashing. The disabled children. It was electric.

He lambasted the president’s health care law requiring insurance policies to include free prenatal testing, “because free prenatal testing ends up in more abortions and therefore less care that has to be done because we cull the ranks of the disabled in our society.”

Wow. A presidential candidate that opposes prenatal testing. I have never heard anything so shocking in . . well, hell. What an utterly uncivilized moron.

Why would you not want to know about the health and development of your child? Now that doctors can identify and correct problems in utero, why would you refuse to do it? This is so stupid, it’s barbaric.

And there are cases which, even if you hate it, require you to consider abortion, I think. 1 in 10,000 pregnancies results in a malformation of the fetus’ head and brain called “anencephaly.” See the Wikipedia article here, I won’t post pictures of it.

For lack of a better description, the fetus lacks the upper part of the head. The child never comes to consciousness, and death is certain. When you’re faced with the tragedy of an anencephaly pregnancy and you’re aware of the risks of carrying any pregnancy to full term, to reflexively rule out abortion is reckless. It’s dangerous.

But Rick Santorum despairs of this America, the one that wants to know about the health of developing children in the wombs of American mothers. To willingly know nothing of the fetus, although we could perhaps save it, and maybe to block others from knowing anything as well, though there are commonly cases where a sick child will certainly die, is what Rick would still prefer. And if the mother develops a horrific case of pre-eclampsia and dies in the hospital, that’s the mystery of Jesus for you. Or something. And isn’t Rick a wonderful person?

“That, too, is part of Obamacare, another hidden message as to what President Obama thinks of those who are less able than the elites who want to govern our country,” Santorum said.

Good golly. Yes, he’s such an elitist, he’d like to kill disabled people. I cannot believe we have a man running a presidential campaign on this message. America is a fucked-up place.

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Foster Friess, unmasked, stuns Andrea Mitchell

You don’t think money has corrupted our politics? Meet the man who’s bankrolling Rick “Triojans hurt women” Santorum. His name’s Foster Friess. If Rick is some Medieval scold, Foster might be Minoan:

On this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so, such inexpensive. You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.

. . and you wonder why we’ve been fighting over contraception for a week? Because big money sets the agenda. Don’t fall for “This is silly, Andrea,” Foster Friess is having his way. You’re pre-occupied with sex, incidentally, and need a psychiatrist.

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Conservatives and Class: Asians can’t drive, peek-a-boo hoo haa

I sit at the keyboard. I look at my beat-up hands and think, “What a mess.” I don’t imagine a Reagan Republican would let these curs anywhere near Nancy’s china. Plenty of people live the white life, but I wouldn’t begin to know what it’s about. I wonder: How do they do it? The classy people? Stay so spotless and clean?

There have got to be rules. Which pinky should one raise when he bombs an Arab country? Do you spit on Planned Parenthood clients from the right or left side of the mouth? Is it presumptive to spellcheck a “Niggar Prezadent” e-mail before forwarding it? Maybe if I knew the proper rules, I’d get into better parties. Maybe I could have a blog with a second, or even a third, color.

Who Wants to See Tina Korbe’s Thighs?
Robert Stacy McCain | February 16, 2012

The title of this post is not a hypothetical question, because last week the aforesaid Miss Korbe joined her Hot Air colleague Ed Morrissey for a video interview with Rick Santorum, which I didn’t see until somebody brought it to my attention yesterday:

Our keen-eyed readers will note that at the 0:28 mark of the video, Miss Korbe gives a little tug at the hem of her skirt and, not to get all Melissa Clouthier about it or anything, some folks might say that’s kind of a telltale clue that your skirt’s too doggone short.

See? This is what I’m talking about. That’s a rule that I didn’t even know existed. I have got to write this down . .

I hesitate to judge a lady’s morals merely because she feels obliged to follow contemporary fashion.

For example, I think tattoos and pierced bellybuttons are two of the tackiest things in the world, but I’m pretty sure not every woman with tattoos and a pierced bellybutton is a whore.

Most of them? Sure, but not all of them.

. . tattoos and piercings . . whores . . got it . .

I remember kind of scratching my head in puzzlement when they’d do jokes about the bad driving habits of Asian women. . . Then, in 1997, I moved to D.C. which has a fairly large Asian population and . . . Oh, my God! It’s so true!

Look, I hate to foster negative stereotypes. I’m sure there are many Asian women who are excellent drivers. It’s just that none of those excellent Asian women drivers live in the greater metropolitan Washington, D.C., area.

And everybody who lives in D.C. is laughing their butts off at that joke, because it’s so true. (Asian ladies, please: Take the bus.)

. . D.C. has Asians . . can’t drive . . take the bus . . got it . .

Inequality is not always disadvantageous to women, you know. And feminism is a sort of Animal Farm, with women as the animals who vanquish their male/human oppressors, only to discover eventually that some animals are more equal than others.

. . inequality good for you . . feminists are pigs . . got it. WOW. There seem to be a lot of rules for conservatives. So many darn things to learn. Isn’t there some way we could cut to the chase? Is there maybe one rule I could use to class up my life? One thing to remember?

I hate to be one to say it about HotAir.com . .
Thoughts and Rantings | February 11, 2012

Tina, you are a Catholic, try actually dressing like one and not like some office “MILF” looking for a place up the corporate ladder. . . I am sure that Rick Santorum just loved being next to a chick that was essentially giving him a peep show of her hoo haa.

Don’t show Rick Tina’s hoo haa. Got it.

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Return of The Night of The Santorum

When they’ve got a Pennsylvania C.H.U.D. crawling out of the D.C. sewers, eating the eyes of villagers, why should we intervene? We shouldn’t. Gah. What’s wrong with me?

Darned compassion! Cursed rational ways!

[I] have voted for contraception, although I don’t think it works. I think it’s harmful to women. I think it’s harmful to our society to have a society that says that, y’know, sex outside of marriage is something that should be encouraged or tolerated, particularly among the young . . Birth control enables that and I don’t think it’s a healthy thing for our country.

First: let’s dispense with dumb. Contraception works like gangbusters. Thank you, everybody who worked on the pill.

Second: If I’m madly in love with my wife (girlfriend?) and I want to have sex with her, how do I avoid being “harmful to women?” See, Rick, the problem: I love her. And I listen to her. She does not want to become pregnant. She’s very terrified of the idea.

So what’s an American guy supposed to do? What are a couple supposed to do?

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