Forget it he’s rolling. It hasn’t been easy figuring out how the downfall of General David Petraeus was masterminded by the President. We know it came after he told Al Qaeda to kill whomever they like, wherever they like, whenever they like, in a horrific manner and on digital media preferably, thanks. But to the untrained eye, Broadwell and Benghazi appear unrelated. Enter Charles Krauthammer’s foxy eyes:

[Petraeus] was hoping that those administration officials would not disclose what had happened, and therefore hoping that he would keep his job. And that meant that he understood that his job, his reputation, his legacy, his whole celebrated life was in the hands of the administration, and he expected they would protect him by keeping it quiet.

And that brings us to the ultimate issue, and that is his testimony on September thirteen. That’s the thing that connects the two scandals, and that’s the only thing that makes the sex scandal relevant.

Go Krauthammer, it’s your birthday . .

. . here’s a man who knows the administration holds his fate in its hands, and he gives testimony completely at variance with what the Secretary of Defense had said the day before, at variance with what he’d heard from his station chief in Tripoli, and with everything that we had heard. Was he influenced by the fact that he knew his fate was held by people within the administration at that time?

Petraeus wasn’t interviewed by the FBI until October 29th. Nice try, Charles.

Of course it was being held over Petraeus’s head, and the sword was lowered on Election Day. You don’t have to be a cynic to see that as the ultimate in cynicism.

Obama fired Petraeus on November the 8th, the day he learned of the affair. These things are widely known so if anyone can guess why Krauthammer is so very stupid, more power to her. Chuck is having one rotten November:

“Obama to my mind is the luckiest politician I’ve ever seen . . Romney’s on a roll, he’s increasing slightly every day his lead in the national polls, catching up in the swing states. And then Sandy hits . . and inevitably you get to play commander in chief, you get to be in the Situation Room . . “

. . you get to watch 130 Americans die. This is so sweet the black guy said. Despite the not-having mortician’s luck, though, Romney will triumph next Tuesday. My name is Charles, hulloo Pulitzer dweebs!

The Fox hipsters scratch their heads over Glee.

Gretchen Carlson:

“. . [SIGH] I think here we go again, pandering to point three percent of the American population that considers themself transgender . . “

You can’t swing a feather boa in this country without smacking a prime-time show pandering to trannys. Are you as sick of LIZA! CSI as I am? Terrible demography, I wonder why Glee does it. And because I weigh 500 hundred pounds, I’m late for more Biggest Loser . .

” . . by the way, in the same episode, there are two cheerleaders who apparently are lesbians with each other and they put out a sex tape . .”

Together, they’re lesbians. Away from each other, they’re geishas. Sex seems to be a bit of a mystery for the Culture Warriors. Hey, maybe that’s why they’re so angry. Bill:

. . if children hear it, unsupervised children, okay who don’t have parents watching their — they might go out and experiment with this stuff . . when I was a teenager and I saw James Dean smoking, it made me want to smoke.

There he was. The coolest guy in school, leaning against the gym wall with a wry smile and a dildo between two fingers. And then Bill tried to smoke a Gleek’s pole. You’re never too old buddy . .

There is an upside to narcissism. No matter what other people do, you are reminded of your greatness. Lucky you.

Someone invents the Segway, you thought of it years ago. Someone memorizes pi, you just did mom’s taxes. Somebody ran a marathon, you were in the office. All weekend. Challenge is a vestige of childhood.

It’s a cushy gig. The rest of the world busts out in manifold directions, the center of gravity, you, stays still. Greatness never sweats.

James Taranto, writer of Wall Street Journal editorials, is a great guy. He writes about America’s lameness. When a Massachusetts sociology professor describes her research in the New York Times, it’s lame. When she talks about sex, it’s lame. When 15 year old boys don’t want to get girls pregnant, it’s lame.

An odd recent New York Times op-ed by sociologist Amy Schalet touts the rise of, as the headline puts it, “Caring, Romantic American Boys.” Schalet, who studied American high school sophomores (along with Dutch ones) for a forthcoming book, reports that “boys [are] behaving more ‘like girls’ in terms of when they lose their virginity,” by which she means they “are becoming more careful and more romantic about their first sexual experiences.”

Lame.

Maybe her book will flesh out that claim, but in her op-ed the boys sound downright terrified: “American boys often said sex could end their life as they knew it. After a condom broke, one worried: ‘I could be screwed for the rest of my life.’ Another boy said he did not want to have sex yet for fear of becoming a father before his time.”

If “I could be screwed for the rest of my life” is what passes for a romantic sentiment at the New York Times, the editors’ Valentine’s Day cards must be a laugh riot.

Nothing’s as erotic as caring for children. Harlequin Romance built an industry on the language of changing diapers. The Romeo and Juliet fable tickled orgasm as they argued over how to beat autism. Toddlers get fussy, nipples get sucked, and the silk sheets get plenty sweaty.

. . she offers this further point of comparison: “The 2002 National Survey of Family Growth found that more than one-third of teenage boys, but only one-quarter of teenage girls, cited wanting to avoid pregnancy or disease as the main reason they had not yet had sex.”

Given that nature imposes the physical burden of pregnancy on the female of the species, that sounds counterintuitive. And it’s possible that some of the boys in the survey, mindful of what Schalet quotes another sociologist as calling “the stigma of virginity,” are rationalizing away their lack of success with girls by chalking it up to prudence.

This is a WSJ hack pooh-poohing a sociology professor: “Since when do boys care about getting chicks pregnant?” I suppose if that were no longer true, it would be news. James once slagged a survivor of Vietnam, triple-amputee Max Cleland, for being a war critic because he had PTSD. What a loser, huh? Tough guys protect their territory. American boys wanna fuck, dude.

News reaches us from the Cotton-Mather-C.H.U.D.s. Can you believe it? They’re still digging.

To wit: At the top of Renew America’s charts this morning, the Christian go-to site for politics, its the righteous refrain of Selwyn Duke and his Pasted Chastes. Fire up the old Firestone Air Chief, gals, and huddle ’round. Let the sound of sex panic wash over you like the pneuma of a plague.

A woman close to me once characterized the sea change in our society well. “Years ago you knew who the bad girls were,” said she. “Now you know who the good girls are.”

So it begins. The giant god-fearing blog decides, today, to attack Sandra Fluke.

Now, I’ll leave it to you to determine her implication, but I’ll say that if a female law student is engaging in so much sexual congress that she’s spending a mint on birth-control, I wouldn’t reflexively assume she’s a slut.

. . 2 . . 1 . .

Because I’d wonder how she was working her way through law school.

You thought we blew past this days ago. You were wrong. These topics, women’s reproductive health and contraception, are freighted with moral complexities you, so far, have refused to understand. That’s why the fire drill for crotch politics stretches into, what, week 3? Where are you going? Get back here. Square people want to tell you about the coitus. Square people really need to, apparently.

Really, though, if such a woman doesn’t deserve slut status, who does? Is the word now obsolete? Have we become like a Barbary-pirate nation where the term “thief” may be out of style because its use may offend the majority?

So get out your textbooks on civil rights, social justice, healthcare’s role in modern society, human behavior, and whatever you’ve got on privacy issues. After so many days of one side simply calling Fluke “a slut,” the tenor of discussion is about to ratchet, ehh, somewhere. I sense something’s about to get plenty deep (never mind the discussion).

Remember that copulation among unmarried people that requires birth control used to be called fornication; now they call it recreational sex. But it’s called “recreational” for a reason.

It’s done for recreation.

Ba-doom-pah. Yes, the First Annual Colloquy for Serious Chatter About Your Sex Life opens today. You’re invited. And look who’s offering the plenary lecture of the debut assembly? Duke! Selwyn Duke, everybody.

So the question is, why should taxpayers be forced to fund someone’s salacious conception of recreation? Hey, pay for my golf, too, okay? That can be expensive also.

This is much better. The petty fears and hang-ups pushed aside. Our two sides finally generating an adult discussion about sex.

Meanwhile, oh-so chivalrous Barack Obama placed a phone call to feminist Fluke to offer his support — and increase his among the fairer sex. I guess he’s that certain type of man who uses loose women for personal gain.

I anticipate some sort of porque detente soon. Maybe later today.

You’re criminal. You’re deceitful. You’re disgusting. You serially sexually abused four young men, buying their trust with cash, trips and gifts (hee-hee!).

You had to step away from your ministry, for a bit. Your lawyers had to settle with your victims. And then your wife had to leave you, because (duh) you’re gay. If there’s anyone blessed with a mortal soul, Eddie Long, it’s gotta be you.

So it’s with some surprise we heard news of your coronation.

Congratulations, King Pastor Eddie. It couldn’t have happened to a creepier guy.

It’s been a good couple of months for politics. Meaning that it’s been bad for the wingnuts; it’s been good for the foul-mouthed blogging community. So many nasty people to talk about, so many silly things to laugh at.

And that brings up Rick Santorum, who is great for politics. This rat’s mere presence in your vicinity would irritate your skin. Only his mother could love him, and she’s probably lying.

Rick Santorum had only been in the senate for a few weeks when Bob Kerrey, then Senator from Nebraska, pegged him. “Santorum, that’s Latin for asshole” . .

Such a stew of sleazy self-righteousness and audacious stupidity has not been seen in the senate since the days of Steve Symms, the celebrated moron from Idaho. In 1998, investigative reporter Ken Silverstein fingered Santorum as the dumbest member of congress in a story for The Progressive.

That was back in 2003. His being considered seriously for president in 2012 is a shocking development.

America, if you’re so keen to destroy yourself, must it be by way of Santorum?

Santorum has long opposed the Supreme Court’s 1965 ruling “that invalidated a Connecticut law banning contraception” and has also pledged to completely defund federal funding for contraception if elected president . . “One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country,” the former Pennsylvania senator explained. “It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

President Santorum will lecture you about your Trojans. Ready for that, folks? Do you feel guilty about having sex? Do you feel bad about not caring for 10 children? You’ll feel better with President Rick.

We can’t have people having access to better health insurance than other people. No! It all has to be the same! Is that American? Equality of result? Is that what built the greatest country in the history of the world? No. That’s what’s destroying most of the countries in the world.

Rick vehemently opposes universal healthcare. If people don’t loot their savings to go to the doctor, then they don’t deserve it. The rich alone getting whatever they want is a sign of America’s greatness. The poor suffering and dying at home is typical of the greatest country in the world. How do you like this guy?

While talking about education during a campaign stop in New Hampshire today, Santorum stated that Obama “said every child should go to college,” then declared, “What elitist snobbery out of this man!” The claim drew cheers from many in the crowd.

Why does everyone have to get an education? A lot of you should forget it, the President particularly. There’s nothing wrong with being a janitor. Except when 30% of the country have to be janitors. There are only so many buildings, but that’s why America is great. Not enough buildings for everyone to have a minimum wage career. Is President Rick growing on you?

If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything.

And when the citizens have the right to do anything in their own homes, what sort of nation is it? Who wants to live in a place like that? We already have too much freedom. We don’t need anyone to give us more. We deserve less. Someone should take our things away from us: healthcare, contraception. Privacy. Peace of mind. We need to be denied. Vote for Rick.

When someone says they had a 13 year affair with you, they’re either honest or whacko.

Ginger White doesn’t seem crazy. She seems like she had little choice other than to admit the embarrassing truth given the media noose tightening around her.

“I’m not proud,” White told Russell. “I didn’t want to come out with this. I did not.”

White was worried a political tsunami was headed her way. So, she decided to head it off, by confessing she was involved in a 13-year-long affair with presidential hopeful Herman Cain.

“It was pretty simple,” White said. “It wasn’t complicated. I was aware that he was married. And I was also aware I was involved in a very inappropriate situation, relationship.”

Herman went on with ‘Blitz’ to categorically deny it all:

That blanket denial isn’t wise. Look at the evidence:

–“She showed us some of her cell phone bills that included 61 phone calls or text messages to or from a number starting with 678. She says it is Herman Cain’s private cell phone. The calls were made during four different months — calls or texts made as early as 4:26 in the early morning, and as late as 7:52 at night. The latest were in September of this year.”

Good luck explaining the communications and their timing, Herman.

–“She says in his hotel room, he pulled out a calendar and invited her to meet him in Palm Springs. She accepted, and she says the affair began.

‘He made it very intriguing,’ White told FOX 5. ‘It was fun. It was something that took me away from my humdrum life at the time. And it was exciting.’”

How did Ginger White end up in all those cities where Cain was appearing? They were ‘friends’ that vacationed together? In the same hotels?

–“She says during the next 13 years, he would fly her to cities where he was speaking and he lavished her with gifts. She says they often stayed at the Ritz Carlton in Buckhead and dined at The Four Seasons restaurant.”

While not a rich woman, Ginger bought herself the gifts? And the expensive hotel accomodations? Totally unlikely.

Cain’s lawyer is smarter than his client:

. . this appears to be an accusation of private, alleged consensual conduct between adults – a subject matter which is not a proper subject of inquiry by the media or the public. No individual, whether a private citizen, a candidate for public office or a public official, should be questioned about his or her private sexual life.

Yeah, that’s what you say.

I got no problem with geezers talking up their old days. No skin off my hide to hear about shifters mounted on steering columns. How supermarkets had turnstyles. How their stupid friends got laid in parochial school.

Funny old Bill. Tin cans of beer, bra clasps of steel.

“Liberals want everything. I mean, they want you to give them everything. Right, you want an IPad, don’t you Leslie?”

You’d like one, wouldn’t you?

How can people survive being this dumb? How do they manage to get around, drive their cars? Use a credit card? Count their change? I don’t know.

Legislator warns of HIV epidemic in New York if marriage equality becomes law
By Ashton Elijah • Thursday, June 23, 201

. . Sam Trombley (R), while at Wednesday night’s meeting of the Clinton County [New York] legislature, voiced that he couldn’t understand why the health department focused on tobacco and smoking, but not homosexuality.

“I’m surprised the health department has not come out against this because we are going to have an HIV epidemic if this passes,” Trombley said.

Then, he attacked the very idea of homosexual relationships, saying that the idea “blew his mind.”

“You don’t see two male dogs sleeping in the same dog house together,” said Trombley.

But you do see boy and girl dogs doing that. And you should hear the couple next door going at it: fighting, scratching and clawing, howling. Breaking glass, clanging pots and pans. They turn up the TV, but we hear it all the same. She’s a bitch, but he married her anyway. Barbets, wink-wink.

Bill Donohue: We Shouldn’t Allow Gay Marriage Because People Still Get AIDS
Joe. My. God. | June 23 2011

“Before the New York State legislature decides whether to ratify homosexual marriage, it would be nice if one of the lawmakers were to ask what in the world is going on in the gay community. [snip] Between 2007-2009, there was a 6 percent decrease in gay men using condoms. Furthermore, homosexuals account for 60 percent of all newly diagnosed HIV infections each year; in addition, 60 percent of gays who have syphilis also have HIV. Moreover, 85 percent of gays with syphilis continue to have sex. The lawmakers need to ask gay leaders to testify about this issue.”

Okay, I take the ‘stupid’ back. Bill is a slavering troll.

Although this allegation originates with the National Enquirer, we may have to take it seriously for three reasons:

1.) They broke a ‘love child’ story involving John Edwards that eventually led to charges of political corruption, and they were entirely accurate. Edwards will likely get indicted by the feds for misuse of campaign funds related to his affair.
2.) The ‘officer’ was head of hotel security at the time and makes the allegation on the record.
3.) Radar reports that the California Attorney General has launched a preliminary investigation into what appears to be the same allegation.

None of this, frankly, is difficult to believe:

WORLD EXCLUSIVE: ARNOLD USED C.H.P. TO COVER UP MULTIPLE SEXUAL LIAISONS WHILE GOVERNOR!
BY BARRY LEVINE, executive editor The NATIONAL ENQUIRER

In a bombshell ENQUIRER world exclusive hitting newsstands beginning today, a former security supervisor who regularly helped guard ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER while he was California governor claims the ex-actor used his state-funded security detail to cover up multiple sexual liaisons.

Veteran law enforcement officer WILLIAM TAYLOR – who passed a polygraph test about his claims – has accused the “Governator” of using California Highway Patrol (CHP) officers and vehicles to ferry scantily-clad women in-and-out of his suite at the Sacramento hotel where he often stayed . .

“It makes me very angry just to think of what was going on at that time,” said Taylor, who revealed that it was common knowledge among CHP officers, security personnel and employees at the Sacramento Hyatt Regency, where Schwarzenegger and his family often occupied a wing of the hotel.

Here’s Radar’s story of the investigation:

California’s Attorney General Launching Criminal Inquiry Into Arnold Schwarzenegger
May 26, 2011 | By Jen Heger | Radar Legal Editor

. . In a bombshell exclusive, RadarOnline.com has learned the Office of the Attorney General, a branch of the Department of Justice, is conducting a preliminary evaluation into the scope of Schwarzenegger’s double life, which allegedly included using his state-funded security details to cover up women being escorted into his hotel room.

Veteran hotel security officer William Taylor said he witnessed the “Governator” using California Highway Patrol (CHP) officers and vehicles to ferry scantily-clad women in-and-out of his suite at the Sacramento Hyatt Regency where he and wife Maria Shriver often stayed . .

“On three differed occasions after the governor arrived alone at the Hyatt Regency, CHP Dignitary Protection Services arrived in their official vehicles, black Ford Crown Victoria sedans – about one to two hours later with one or two young females.

“They’d hurriedly escort the women through the service entrance on the second floor parking garage to the elevator that went to the governor’s private wing… the women would usually stay for two to four hours and either leave through the hotel’s main entrance or be driven away by the CHP in the same official vehicles.”

The Attorney General’s office told RadarOnline.com “there will be no comment” about the probe, a criminal matter, however multiple department sources have confirmed the decision.

If this turns out to be true, the entire Story of Schwarzenegger will have been one where a narcissistic ass acts likes a narcissistic ass in an open and obvious way, but people will have cheered it, excused it, and covered it up year after year.

All of their hard work and bullshitting — for what? What the hell good did he do for anybody? Or for California? People are messed up.

What a decent, respectable guy.

In his movie set trailer, interrupted while performing oral sex on a woman other than Maria Shriver:

“Eating is not cheating.”

When introduced to a co-worker’s boyfriend:

“Is this guy the reason why you didn’t come up to my hotel room last night and suck my cock?”

To Esquire magazine:

“As much as when you see a blonde with great tits and a great ass, you say to yourself, ‘Hey, she must be stupid or must have nothing else to offer,’ which maybe is the case many times. But then again there is the one that is as smart as her breasts look, great as her face looks, beautiful as her whole body looks gorgeous, you know, so people are shocked.”

To U.S. News:

“My relationship to power and authority is that I’m all for it. People need somebody to watch over them. Ninety-five percent of the people in the world need to be told what to do and how to behave.”

On a Terminator III scene:

“I saw this toilet bowl. How many times do you get away with this — to take a woman, grab her upside down, and bury her face in a toilet bowl? I wanted to have something floating there … The thing is, you can do it, because in the end, I didn’t do it to a woman — she’s a machine! We could get away with it without being crucified by who-knows-what group.”

To defunct porn magazine, Oui:

“I can look at a chick who’s a little out of shape and if she turns me on, I won’t hesitate to date her. If she’s a good fuck, she can weigh 150 pounds, I don’t care.”

To . . ?

“After watching mulattas shake it, I can totally understand why Brazil is devoted to my favorite body part, the ass.”

And . .

“Bodybuilders party a lot, and once, in Gold’s–the gym in Venice, California, where all the top guys train there was a black girl who came out naked. Everybody jumped on her and took her upstairs, where we all got together.”

. . and . .

“If I see a girl with big tits, I’m going to stare and stare. And I’m going to think in my mind what I am going to do with her if I would have her.”

. . and . .

“I was born to be a leader. I love the fact that millions of people look up to me.”

After almost two years of investigation, after Nevada Senator John Ensign resigned just ahead of its findings being made public, the Senate Ethics Committee released its report on Ensign’s attempt to cover up a scandal. Ensign carried on an affair with the wife of his aide, Doug Hampton, and then sought to pay Hampton to keep him from making the affair public.

The report details Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn’s role as negotiator and intermediate between Hampton and Ensign. Hampton had alleged that Coburn carried out this role as a friend to fellow Senator Ensign. Hampton also alleged that the amounts of money Coburn negotiated were in the millions.

In July of 2009, Coburn denied all of the assertions.

Coburn said he was talking to Ensign about his tryst with a former staffer in his capacities as a doctor and a man of the cloth, Roll Call reported.

“I was counseling him as a physician and as an ordained deacon,” Coburn said. “That is privileged communication that I will never reveal to anybody. Not to the (Senate) Ethics Committee, not to a court of law, not to anybody.”

Doug Hampton, whose wife had engaged in an affair with Ensign, has claimed Coburn urged Ensign to pay the Hamptons millions of dollars after Hampton confronted Ensign about the affair.

“I categorically deny everything he said,” Coburn said.

He denied it again in a November 2009 interview with George Stephanopoulos.

Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., told me flatly that he did not offer to broker a million-dollar deal between his Senate colleague, John Ensign, R-Nev., and the family of Ensign’s mistress . .

When I asked Coburn on This Week if Hampton is telling the truth, he said, “There was no negotiation,” but acknowledged that he had worked to “bring two families to a closure of a very painful episode.”

The Senate Ethics Committee findings contradict Coburn’s denials.

The report provides extensive details of the Coburn’s collaboration. He spoke to Hampton’s attorney, Daniel Albregts, three times on May 22, 2009, to discuss money Ensign planned to give the Hamptons. Coburn first said he wanted to “help Doug out” because he liked him and felt bad about what had happened, the report says. The Oklahoma Republican asked Albregts to find out what Hampton needed to start over.

According to the report, Albregts called about an hour later, interrupting Coburn from mowing his lawn on a tractor. The lawyer told the senator that Hampton had proposed $8 million to resettle his family and find a new job. Albregts told the Ethics Committee that Coburn countered, calling the figure “absolutely ridiculous.” Instead, Coburn reportedly said the Ensigns should purchase the Hampton’s home and give them some money to live off of while they looked for new jobs.

In a third call, Albregts proposed payments for the Hamptons of $1.2 million for their home and $1.6 million for relocation, the report says. During that five-minute call, Coburn said he thought that was reasonable and that he would take the request to Ensign. The former senator from Nevada, however, refused to pay that total.

I did my best to pull all the details of the scandal together. Everyone involved in it appears to be stupid, or an ass.

The Las Vegas television interview of a frustrated Hampton, one which essentially guaranteed an ethics investigation, if not Ensign’s resignation, you can see here.