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Saturday night bore-blogging – wait, Whitney Houston’s dead . .

wot?

Mitt Romney wins Maine caucus, boring. Wins CPAC giggle fest, don’t care. Zero point zero-one percent of Catholics are angry about healthcare/contraception, big deal. Whitney dies? Breaking news:

Singer Whitney Houston dies at 48
CBS News | 5:30 p.m. PDT

LOS ANGELES – Whitney Houston, who ruled as pop music’s queen until her majestic voice and regal image were ravaged by drug use, erratic behavior and a tumultuous marriage to singer Bobby Brown, has died. She was 48.

Houston’s publicist, Kristen Foster, said Saturday that the singer had died, but the cause and the location of her death were unknown.

She was found dead at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. Rest in peace sweet-singing buggy cocaine lady. Have fun, everybody, watching the Grammys tomorrow. That will be a festival of tears and tunic-tearing. At least we know why Andrew Breitbart went diva on #Occupy CPAC.



I know, Andrew. Grief makes us crazy. Here:

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Bubbles the Chimp sucks Whitney Houston’s toes, gets a job with Fox News

fox, sex, yecch

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Does anyone still remember the news stories of 1996? Crazy, flesh-faced simian scuttles across a five-star floor, hungry to suck the toes of a drug-addled floozy? Deja eww.

Whitney Houston once got intimate with Michael Jackson’s pet monkey Bubbles
Natalie Edwards, Sunday Mirror 28/08/2011

David Gest, in his Michael Jackson documentary, to premiere in the UK on October 24, recalls when the late star’s monkey ­Bubbles got up close and personal with Whitney ­Houston.

He reveals: “Whitney was having dinner with Michael at his Neverland home when she accidentally dropped her knife under the table. While Michael was retrieving it for her, Whitney felt her toes being sucked. She moaned, ‘Michael, is that you? Don’t stop. That’s so sensual’. Yet Michael’s head popped up and her toes were still being sucked. It turned out it was Bubbles.”

It turned out it was Bubbles. Who promptly keeled over with a mouthful of high grade Peruvian toe jam. People: chimpanzees carry no Bobby-Whitney cocaine dismutase gene clusters. Those are complex, higher-order Homo dysfunctiens adaptations.

But toe-sucking? Lowly gorillas are crazy for it, highly adapted to do it. For them, hey, it’s probably just a natural thing.

Take Dick Morris, for instance, please. The whacko Fox News consultant was actually once employed by Bill Clinton, if you can believe that. He worked hard to get Bubba re-elected. But Dick’s big job with the administration ended when it was revealed that he’d been carrying on a long-standing relationship with a prostitute. Her job? Wiggle her delicious piggies in his grateful, grasping mouth.

On August 29, 1996, Morris resigned from the Clinton campaign after reports surfaced that he had been involved with a prostitute. A tabloid newspaper had obtained and published a set of photographs of Morris and the woman on a Washington, D.C., hotel balcony. The Daily Telegraph reported that in order to impress the woman, Sherry Rowlands, Morris invited her to listen in on conversations with the President. The Telegraph also alleged that Morris had a preference for “toe-sucking and dominance,” and that he regaled Rowlands with a version of “Popeye the Sailor Man,” performed in his underpants.

Ehh, Popeye’s secret? Sock spinach makes me strong. Ack ack ack.

Actually, Dick was just being gracious. Treating his guests no differently than any sorry pop star’s hairy pet would treat his guests. And Whitney didn’t charge Bubbles anything.

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