toma

Saturday Saturday Saturday. Tubman v. Jackson showdown.

For some reason the Republican congress didn’t block this.

“The Obama administration went stupid again and went stupid for no reason!”

It’s Harriet Tubman on the 20 dollar bill. Really? She’s isn’t white, she doesn’t have a penis, and she never owned any slaves. How many Indians did she murder, like two? What, zero?!

“We could use a $25 bill. Put her picture on that and we could all celebrate. That’s the smart and easy thing to do,” [Greta] Van Susteren announced smugly.

Sure you could pay your Applebee’s ticket with a Jackson and a Lincoln. But just imagine whipping out a VanSusteren and completely flummoxing the waitress. You could spend the next 15 minutes of your life trying to convince her that the face didn’t belong to a basketball player. Good times. Seriously Edith, there’s no need to call the Treasury Department.

“Some people don’t think, would rather gratuitously stir up conflict in the nation. That is so awful and yes, dumb.”

It’s dumb that we don’t have a twenty-five dollar bill. Stupid. We should put one of the Duck Dynasty guys on the thirty, incidentally.

Speaking to reporters about the possibility of Tubman being honored, [Steve] King decided to blame President Obama for it.

“He’s divided us down the lines of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, prosperity versus poverty, and pitted us against each other,” King said, according to the Omaha World-Herald.

Andrew Jackson was a man who brought Americans together. The get-togethers were called shooting parties. “Huddle up, everybody, try not to drink too much ale beforehand. Pissing in the straw makes noise.” Hot Tip: aim for the squaws.

The lawmaker, who once said that undocumented immigrants had “calves the size of cantaloupes” because they were drug mules, also called the move sexist.

King said that Jackson was “a president of the United States that was in fine and good standing.”

His credit’s good, of course. Sure I’ll take his check – he’s on the twenty dollar bill. But it might be different once he’s relegated to the history books. He’ll have to get by on the merits.

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Another guy gets up and it’s a long fly ball to Stalin. Why? I don’t know.

After so many years maybe Rush Limbaugh has run out of targets to debase and ridicule. Or maybe his audience has abandoned him so thoroughly that he’s become gun-shy, and he’s no longer comfortable being the asshole he once was. This sort of talk is not exactly what we’ve come to expect from him:

We’re all sitting here wondering, “Have we lost the country?” You know, are…? Let me just be blunt.

Rushbo, stunned. Confused. Left to ponder his own thoughts. The Trump candidacy is going into the tank and he has no idea what to do.

We all ask ourselves, “Are those of us who think the way we do in the minority? Are people who don’t think and believe the way we do now in the majority?” We’re asking ourselves this and we’re waiting for elections to kind of tell us.

Who is there to shame or blame? Well there’s Trump, of course, it’s certainly his fault but let’s not be silly…

…and what was Trump’s response? Trump’s response to me was perfectly reasonable.

His post-massacre calls for immigration bans on Muslims and Glocks for everyone belly-to-the-bar were a perfectly reasonable response, sure. I’ll give you that, pal, but you want to take another stab at telling us what’s going on here?

If you dig deep and find out how young people have been educated in this country, essentially the textbook’s written by a guy named Howard Zinn… We’ve gotten to the point that 2-1/2 generations alive today having been raised having been taught what a rotten place this country is, how it was founded in a totally unjust and immoral way, and that it was not about liberty and freedom. It’s not about any of the things that people think this country is about. That’s just a myth that the propagandists pushed.

Okay! It was a BU professor, in the library, with an alternative history. Who knew that the 70% of Americans who currently think Donald is a racist dick-swinging pinhead are also Howard Zinn fans? Those 50 dog-eared copies of People’s History sure do get around.

This is what young people have been taught for two generations in grade school, junior high.

Howard Zinn. Z-I-N-N. Look it up.

Yes, look ‘it’ up. Speaking of alternatives it could also be true that Rush’s schtick of camping out to the right of the GOP’s presidential nominee and engaging in pot-shotting, saber-rattling and dog-whistling to fire up the feral base won’t play in 2016. Donald the amateur may have pushed the routine past the bounds of propriety and ignited a voter backlash. It may be the case that Trump stole Limbaugh’s thunder without knowing his show was pretty much over.

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John McCain’s theory of ISIS

The old man in Washington with a hard-on for Mideast war (well, one of them) has a theory about why so many nightclubbers were just shot and killed in Orlando. Get a load of this crap.

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), the elder Republican statesman, said President Obama was “directly responsible” for the terror attack in Orlando due to his failure to combat the rise of the Islamic State terror group.

…and you thought shooter Omar Mateen was just some closeted loser. A local nutjob. You thought he was frustrated by his inability to do his job properly, or to do his life properly. Or to do his ‘boyfriend’ properly. Please you homegrown hayseeds, Omar was a fully-fledged ISIS.

McCain answered the question about the gun debate by citing Obama’s culpability for the attack through his foreign policy: “Barack Obama is directly responsible for it, because when he pulled everybody out of Iraq, al-Qaeda went to Syria, became ISIS, and ISIS is what it is today thanks to Barack Obama’s failures,” McCain said.

So it was when President Obama pulled American forces out of Iraq, per President Bush’s Status of Forces Agreement (a piece of paper occasionally referred to in international courts as The Law), that Al Qaeda fled to Syria.(?) If only spineless Obama had left 100,000 soldiers behind he could have prevented that! The jihadis could have stayed around to kill us. Anyway, it was about that same time Omar Mateen started thinking about men – happy men, dancing men, running n’ shooting men – and he began masturbating, probably out of foreign policy frustration (which makes some sense, as in A Thing John McCain Might Know Something About).

As the months wore on, and because the President wouldn’t send the Army right back, Omar’s private habits only got worse – carrying on, shall we say, furiously? Which of course caught the attention of ISIS. They whisked him away for a weekend of intensive terrorist training, and hunk-porn viewing, accompanied by savage beatings and the occasional thumbsucking. (If you thought these terrorists weren’t master psychologists…think again.)

Eventually Omar was returned to America. Where he was to wait for their signal: GO hang out in gay clubs across Orlando, and TEASE subscribers to the Jack’d app with promises of hooking up, then SHOOT the Godless infidels. Obviously John McCain is right, the unspeakable horror in Orlando has got the fingerprints of ISIS all over it. Oh I’m sorry, I meant to say ‘of Barack Obama.’

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Mass shooter Omar Mateen was gay

I’ve been waiting for this news to drop. It seemed to be only a matter of time.

A former classmate of Omar Mateen’s 2006 police academy class said he believed Mateen was gay, saying Mateen once asked him out…

The classmate said that he, Mateen and other classmates would hang out, sometimes going to gay nightclubs, after classes at the Indian River Community College police academy. He said Mateen asked him out romantically.

Now the picture comes into focus. Omar is a closeted gay man. He wants to be himself, but he’s afraid of what he’ll become. He wants to be accepted, but he’s tortured and weird. He wants to be a good employee, but he keeps getting fired. He wants to be a city cop, but he can’t pass the tests. A frustrated man.

“We went to a few gay bars with him, and I was not out at the time, so I declined his offer,” the former classmate said… “He just wanted to fit in and no one liked him,” he said. “He was always socially awkward.”

In Orlando, the Los Angeles Times reported that Mateen attended the Pulse nightclub possibly as many as a dozen times before the rampage. Kevin West said he had messaged Mateen back and forth over a year’s time on the gay dating app Jack’d but never met him until he saw Mateen crossing the street about 1 a.m. Sunday.

“He walked directly past me. I said, ‘Hey,’ and he turned and said, ‘Hey,’” and nodded his head, West said. “I could tell by the eyes.”

Can you imagine? Seeing someone you thought was cute on a dating app, in person? He says ‘Hey’ as he walks past you then murders 50 people. Shudder.

At least four regular customers of Pulse, the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender nightclub where the massacre took place, told the Orlando Sentinel on Monday that they believed they had seen Mateen there before.

“Sometimes he would go over in the corner and sit and drink by himself, and other times he would get so drunk he was loud and belligerent,” said Ty Smith, who also uses the name Aries.

A security guard co-worker also says Mateen was that way, all the time. Eventually he quit to get away from the man. But Mateen kept texting and e-mailing him, like an angry misfit.

[Smith] saw Mateen at the club at least a dozen times, he told the Sentinel. “We didn’t really talk to him a lot, but I remember him saying things about his dad at times,” Smith said. “He told us he had a wife and child”…

Chris Callen recalled the eventual killer being escorted drunk from the Pulse bar on multiple occasions, including one incident where he pointed a knife at a friend. Said Callen, who performs under the name Kristina McLaughlin, “He’s been going to this bar for at least three years.”

I’m not exactly sure what this means for the idea of ‘terrorism’ being the motive here. Mateen seems to be striking out against the people who successfully made the transition to adulthood, or at least sexual maturity.

Certainly you could see that as terrorism, but that’s of a different stripe than what ISIS does. Not religion or politics. Then again…? My ISIS/Al Qaeda genesis myth is heavily based on male frustration, like ‘These people are not allowed to have sex, or kiss, or hold hands with, or even talk to women. That can’t be healthy.’ In Mateen’s case, you can just switch it to men. I know that sort of deprivation would have made me angry. Like, hysterical.

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Brock Turner: Now you know (pt. I)

If you’re wondering how someone grows up to be the kind of person who would take an intoxicated woman behind a dumpster, put her down in the dirt, strip her clothes off, take cellphone pictures of her for his pals LOL, and then sexually assault her, you might try reading the ‘character’ letters sent to Judge Persky from Brock Turner’s family and friends. You’ll get a pretty good picture of the punkass environment the teen has been stewing in all his life. Years from now I imagine anthropologists will unearth the Turner clan’s heartfelt missives and marvel at the people who apparently, like the Pirahas of the Amazon, who neither draw nor understand pictures, have no concept of the word ‘rape.’

Our lives now exist in 2 phases-prior to the weekend of Jan. 17/18, 2015 and after that weekend. The weekend started out pretty exciting for Dan and I-we sold the home we raised the kids in after Brock graduated. We need to downsize not only the size of the house but our payment. Having Brock in school across the country meant added expenses so we needed some extra money. We moved into our new home on Jan. 17, 2015. Then we got that fateful call from Brock on Sunday the 18th and our world was been spinning apart ever since. This house now reminds me of the horror of that moment. I have not decorated the house nor have I hung anything on the walls. I am a mom who loves family pictures but I haven’t had the heart to put photos around of our family being happy. How can I?

How can Brock’s Mom? Hmm Judge? Now that her son has been charged with, well, whatever this thing is? And she loves family pictures, but there’s isn’t one currently hanging on the walls. Hard to believe she could write such a letter and never once speak of the victim or the crime, but there it is. Ma Turner isn’t courageous enough to try taking a broader view. As in, you know, one outside herself. This is as close to the real world as she gets:

We will never be happy again. Those happy family times are gone forever, replaced by despair, fear, depression, anxiety, doubt, and dread. I don’t think I have been able to take a deep breath since this happened.

Dear me. This would probably be a good time to wonder how the victim has been doing, incidentally. Right?

The isolation at times was unbearable. You cannot give me back the life I had before that night either. While you worry about your shattered reputation, I refrigerated spoons every night so when I woke up, and my eyes were puffy from crying, I would hold the spoons to my eyes to lessen the swelling so that I could see.

Yeah whatever, back to gloomy Mom.

Then that awful, horrible, terrible, gut-wrenching, life-changing verdict was read. I know what a broken heart feels like. It is a physical pain that starts just below the collar bone and extends to below the rib cage, it is a crushing and heavy ache that feels like I am being squeezed. This feeling has not left my body since the verdict. This verdict has destroyed us. Brock is a shattered and broken shell of the person he used to be… My first thought upon wakening every morning is “this isn’t real, this can’t be real. Why him? Why HIM? WHY? WHY?”

WHY oh WHY my Special Guy? Li’l Brock? Poor distraught confused and hope-less Mrs. Turner, living out her colorless days in a picture-free home. I mean of all the people in the world, the police went and chose HIM? Oh the pain, you can only imagine. As for the WHY, I’m really only spitballing here, running around in circles in left field, but here goes: Because Brock is a turd? Because society has standards, and laws? Because putting people down in the dirt and violating them should have consequences? Might I mention that if you, Carleen Turner, were 20 years old again, and had gotten too drunk at a party, Li’l Brock could easily have done it to you?

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And Scott Adams weighs in

Apparently Scott Adams, scribbler of master comic Dilbert, should be taken seriously because he has been a certified genius for years. And years are long, you know?

It is not unlikely or unreasonable that a natural national wonder should have his own blog and comment freely upon things that you don’t really understand but that you might, given his help. Here’s a little something for you to think about, meaning don’t really think about it and just kind of… you know hmmmm. You probably never ever thought about “persuasion” before, so here:

I’ll start by reminding readers that my politics don’t align with any of the candidates. My interest in the race has been limited to Trump’s extraordinary persuasion skills. But lately Hillary Clinton has moved into the persuasion game – and away from boring facts and policies – with great success. Let’s talk about that.

This past week we saw Clinton pair the idea of President Trump with nuclear disaster, racism, Hitler, the Holocaust, and whatever else makes you tremble in fear.

That is good persuasion if you can pull it off because fear is a strong motivator.

This is a little bit odd as Scott doesn’t seem to care about either side. I mean, Trump and Clinton are fairly far apart in their beliefs and values, you know? He’s just providing analysis. OH I forgot, GENIUS. Right, right…

Her new scare tactics are solid-gold persuasion. I wouldn’t be surprised if you see Clinton’s numbers versus Trump improve in June, at least temporarily, until Trump finds a counter-move…

Well, it seems Hillary has trumped Trump in the continental persuasing derby. Scott is the first to congratulate her for the verbal ju-jitsu. Certain words were used by the New York loudmouth but then OTHER WORDS were used by the former First Lady. Take that Twitter Einstein, rust covered billionaire. I’m as good as you at whatever you call this, public crapfest. And this depressing thing has been brought to you by Scott Adams, opinionator of notable intelligence.

Fair enough.

The only downside I can see to the new approach is that it is likely to trigger a race war in the United States. And I would be a top-ten assassination target in that scenario because once you define Trump as Hitler, you also give citizens moral permission to kill him.

Umm blurg? Jews kill what?

And obviously it would be okay to kill anyone who actively supports a genocidal dictator, including anyone who wrote about his persuasion skills in positive terms.

We think you’re a Holocaust guy now? Because a presidential campaign?

So I’ve decided to endorse Hillary Clinton for President, for my personal safety… I have no psychic powers and I don’t know which candidate would be the best president. But I do know which outcome is most likely to get me killed by my fellow citizens. So for safety reason, I’m on team Clinton.

Oh no. Precious has gotten his feewings hurt. Black Lives Matters protestors have been beaten repeatedly at Trump rallies while the candidate pined for the days we could lynch such uppity people, but Hillary Clinton just insulted Donald Trump! You hear that? MADE A POINT OF SAYING HE’S A RACIST. Ha ha ho ho so I can’t vote for Hitler. Well, dip me in Zyklon B.

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Trump no like judge. He Messican.

Who does this guy he think he is?

The Republican Party’s presumptive presidential nominee gave a fiery speech in San Diego and sought to leverage the power of his pulpit to shame one of this city’s federal judges, Gonzalo Curiel, who is hearing a class-action lawsuit against Trump University…

He then taunted the judge, who has scheduled a trial for late November, after the election. “I’ll be seeing you in November…”

…when I’m the president, okay? Get used to it because it’s going to happen. And all of your illegal friends or whatever running around here, they’re not going to like me at all. They’re going to be very very sad when I win. Believe me.

“I think Judge Curiel should be ashamed of himself. I think it’s a disgrace that he’s doing this.” Trump brought up Curiel’s ethnicity: “The judge, who happens to be, we believe, Mexican…”

[…pause…]

“…I think the Mexicans are going to end up loving Donald Trump.”

[…save.]

Pointing to a supporter’s sign, Trump said, “I really like when they put up ‘Latinos for Trump.’ ‘Latinos for Trump.’ I love it. We’re going to do great with Latinos.”

Latinos are going to vote for me, okay? Like crazy. They’re gonna love me. No one is going to be happier about President Trump than the Latinos.

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Trump doubt drought

Breaking: You are smarter than the Republican presidential candidate.

At a Friday campaign rally in Fresno, California, Donald Trump denied that the state was currently in a drought, blaming water shortages on environmentalists. “We’re going to solve your water problem. You have a water problem that is so insane.”

Everyone is stupid. Nature is stupid. So insane. When I’m president it will rain all the time. You won’t believe it, there’s gonna be water everywhere. You’ll get sick of floods.

“It is so ridiculous where they’re taking the water and shoving it out to sea,” he said, adding that “there is no drought.”

When I was coming here today we were driving up to a bridge. We were coming up to a bridge and I said “Tony stop the limo.” Tony stopped the limo, right on top of the bridge. And we all got out. Everybody looked at me. I pointed down, and I said “What’s this?” Tony looked at me, and he said “It’s the Sacramento River.” And I said “What’s all that water? I’m seeing all this water.” That’s what I said. “Isn’t there supposed to be a drought? Where’s all the water going?” I said. “Where’s the drought?” My driver, he just looked at me and he shrugged. He’s a good guy, okay? We all stood there looking down at the water. Where’s it going? There wasn’t a single person who could tell me why there was a drought, okay?

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Venn diagrams are EAZY hard

Candidate Clinton ptew tweets shit at the enemy d’you feel the heat?

…I mean if you were The Congress you’d be all like OH NO a tweet from someone running for ZZzzzzzz. Some folks are really very good at pissing in the wind.

And Washington Post then comes in to flaunt their genius.

What’s that?

FiveThirtyEight’s Ben Casselman put it succinctly on Twitter: “This isn’t remotely how Venn diagrams work.” (His tweet, as of writing, has more retweets than the Clinton campaign’s.)

He’s right. A Venn diagram is meant to show the overlap between two groups of things — ideally, to scale. One problem with the Clinton diagram, for example, is that “gun owners” in this context is a group that exists entirely within the universe of “Americans.” What’s more, if the overlap is meant to be “supports universal background checks,” the overlap should cover 90 percent of the circle of “Americans.”

The ‘circle’ is ’90 percent of Americans’. So we should overlap the whole thing? Der? But certainly a WaPo writer should feel unencumbered at all times in whatever mocking duties they self-prescribe to taint other people as stupid. Completely fuck-all. Like, really?

wapo venn fail

Note: The title of this second-grade finger pointing, from WaPo’s The Fix column, natch, is unfailingly – wait for it, waaaaait – We fixed Hillary Clinton’s terrible Venn diagram on gun control. Because stupid Hillary know-nothing Clinton wouldn’t have a clue what a “Venn Diagram should have looked something like” if she’d tripped over it in the sandbox. Har! C’mon!

Haha snootface. Candidate cat brains. Our graphs are red hot, your graphs are doodley squat boomp boomp. BY THE WAY there is an additional atom sized footnote, a mild little meaningless ortlike bugscale tangent. Ahem:

(We didn’t use circles, because we didn’t feel like doing advanced math to calculate the size of the curved overlap.)

When we make a Venn Diagram WE don’t “use circles.” Mmkay? Got that? But do feel free to widdle and diddle my smartypants brain dong. Go willy and/or nilly on the ole’ Clintoris. Because journalism n’ me we just done fixt ya whole life, that’s right.

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Despite all his rage, he sucks

No wonder I hated Smashing Pumpkins.

Billy Corgan had strong words for social justice movements and liberals in a new interview. “When I watch some of the clips … of some of these protests, I have no respect for what these people are doing … They’re shutting down free speech. … I just don’t get it. To me it’s antithetical to the society that I believe in.”

Oh, that society. The one that Billy Corgan believes in. Well that’s a little bit o’ heaven. That’s the place where the whiniest little singer in rock n’roll steals Nirvana’s playbook and wins the Super Bowl of fame, stardom, and riches. OTOH, in the laissez-faire society that I believe in, Billy Corgan ends up playing third-rate rock clubs in between bleating about the ungrateful coloreds of Black Lives Matter on fat-slob radio, looking like he pulled his getup from the trash bin behind Abercrombie & Fitch.

billy corgan

Who knew justice could look so wimpy?

“The tactics in the social-justice warrior movement are to stifle and shut down free speech,” he said. “And I would argue in the world that I live in, which is the bareknuckle world, they’re leveraging their position because they don’t have power.”

Typical of losers to want to ‘leverage’ things without having any power, right? Might as well put a lever to some problem that you can’t use. Or maybe take out a loan against all the collateral that you don’t have. What a weedlie-weedlie Corganesque try at using three-syllable words. But let’s not lose sight of the hardscrabble world that He has come from, the Tiny Tim of Generation X.

“You try to tell someone here who you might argue is taking advantage of our social welfare system or is gaming the system somehow and say, ‘Look, you’re telling me America sucks and you’re spitting on the flag, try living in one of these third world countries and see how far that gets you,” he said.

You wanna complain? Try doing it in the Kaiser’s face! [*…pulls kazoo from Cote & Ciel rucksack, puts in fishmouth, starts blowing Begin The Beguine…*]

“It’s always very interesting to me when you see the way gays and lesbians are treated in some other countries in the world. If [American protesters] have that level of vitriol for, let’s say, Donald Trump as a candidate…where is the five-times greater condemnation for those societies that are treating their people far worse than just ideas and words?”

You’ve been staring at your own house? You don’t like the way it looks? Yeah? You think it could use a new coat of paint? WHY CAN’T YOU PAINT SOMEONE ELSE’S HOUSE FIRST, HMM? Sheesh. Why must Billy Corgan have to explain everything?

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Trump, and Veeps, and Failure

In the midst of the continental swirling holy-fuck of this year’s political goings on there are some particular things that catch my attention. For example I’m currently curious to find out who might become The Donald’s vice president.

There are two reasons to be vested in this. One: Who would be so dumb? Two: Who would be so pathetic? No woman would ever agree to such a partnership, and none of them outside the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling would be considered. It’s only the he-men Republicans of this world who would beg for such a thing. I’m sure that, somewhere in this great nation, there’s a pinch-faced red state splutterer willing to drop his pants and spread his cheeks for a shot at infamy, not to mention Trump’s ham-handed touch.

Marco Rubio maybe?

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said it’s possible he could ask his former rival for the nomination, Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.), to be his running mate…

“Marco’s a good guy, a really nice guy, and I like him. But not necessarily with respect to any position, but it could happen,” he added.

Maybe not.

On Friday, Heat Street spoke to multiple senior advisers, members of Rubio’s inner circle who have been in direct contact with him.

“Absolutely false,” said one Rubio adviser. “He absolutely will not be Trump’s Vice President.”

That sentiment was echoed by two other sources close to Rubio, who confirmed to Heat Street that Rubio was not considering joining Trump’s ticket. “That’s never happening,” said one. Another referenced the likelihood of snowballs in hell, and expressed frustration at the inaccurate stories…

This of course will remain Little Marco’s yeeaarrghhh until Candidate Donald calls him on the phone. Then the two will have a good talk and Marco will be surprised how much He has changed.

What about John Kasich?

Asked by Blitzer whether he would be interested in considering Kasich on his ticket, Trump said, “I would be interested in vetting John. I like John. I’ve had a good relationship with John. I’ve gotten along with him well.”

Apparently not.

“There is zero chance that I’d be vice president with [him],” Kasich said in an interview on CNN. “Below zero, actually. Not interested.”

Perhaps Ted Cruz?

Donald Trump on Wednesday said that he would consider making Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) his running mate.

“I respect Ted,” he told host Bill O’Reilly on Fox News’ “The O’Reilly Factor.” “He was a very strong competitor. He really competed hard and tough.”

“He’s certainly a capable guy,” the presumptive GOP presidential nominee added. “It’s something we can think about.”

Yeah, no.

Ted Cruz quashed speculation about the possibility he could be Donald Trump’s vice-presidential pick, saying he has “zero interest whatsoever” in being the billionaire’s running mate if Trump wins the Republican nomination…

“And there are a lot of reasons, but perhaps the simplest is if Donald is the nominee, Hillary wins,” Cruz said, referring to the Democratic frontrunner, Hillary Clinton. “Hillary wins by double digits…”

But of course that was then and this is now. This is THE TIME aus zee biergarten SOMETHING Neville Chamberlain. DING A LING WHY HULLO EVERYBODY IT’S DONALD. GOSH IT’S GOOD TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.

This isn’t to pretend that other Republican politicians aren’t eager to get into the big race. On the contrary, there are a whole host of Edsels and Corvairs fingering their fancy push-buttons and gunning their cross-mounted engines at the prospect.

Newt Gingrich, the former House speaker, as well as Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama and the retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson, said in interviews that they would consider joining the ticket if Mr. Trump offered. Two governors, Chris Christie of New Jersey and Mary Fallin of Oklahoma, have also told allies that they were open to being Mr. Trump’s running mate.

“If a potential president says I need you, it would be very hard for a patriotic citizen to say no,” Mr. Gingrich said. “People can criticize a nominee, but ultimately there are very few examples of people turning down the vice presidency.”

Gail Collins has more. She says a Trump vice presidency is actually more prized than smallpox.

Don’t make jokes about nobody wanting to be the winner! There are plenty of contenders. Mike Huckabee made it clear he wouldn’t say no. And look at Newt Gingrich, hopping up and down and waving his hand. Whoops — Chris Christie just shoved Newt out of the spotlight. Trump said he might like a governor, so that should give Christie a boost. And a recent poll showed that as many as 15 percent of New Jersey Republicans think he’d be a good choice.

*Whistle*…you can’t argue with a crowd. And of course they know. Lending the family name to a high-profile political cataclysm is some kind of bargain. Really, a good deal. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance to become enshrined in the Pantheon of great American Losers. And say friends, who wouldn’t want that?

“I think I’m pretty much as vetted as anybody in the country could be vetted,” Palin told CNN’s Jake Tapper. “I think there are so many other great people out there in America that could serve in this position.”

“I think if somebody wanted to choose me, they already know who I am, what I stand for,” she added. “They wouldn’t be in for any surprises.”

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