Sully to Bully – I feel your pain

Andrew Sullivan.

Many readers have warned me not to dip a toe into the gamergate debate, which, so far, we’ve been covering through aggregation and reader-input.

O-Kay.

And I’m not going to dive headlong into an extremely complex series of events, which have generated huge amounts of intense emotion on all sides, in a gamer culture which Dish readers know far, far better than I.

Oh-No. Monseigneur Humility deigns to wake. But he dares not dive. And a cherub chub, on Hallows’ Eve, dares not stalk my Snickers.

But part of my job is to write and think about burning current web discussions – and add maybe two cents, even as an outsider.

CANNONBALL.

There’s an atmosphere in which it has somehow become problematic to have a classic white, straight male identity, and a lot that goes with it… I believe in the flourishing of all sorts of cultures and subcultures and have long been repulsed by the nannies and busybodies who want to police them…

Flourishing. Thriving, in the sun. Rising above the fetid mud beneath Andrew’s feet, ’tis precious life. He lowers his gaze – though he was warned not to – at the swaying flowers and tendrils, and he beholds I WILL KILL YOU CUNT. And he weeps. Yes He Weeps. God Himself, you might recall, once got the exalted Weeps.

…look, many gamers were the bullied in high school; this was their safe space; it was a place they could call home. They now feel it slipping away, and it has unhinged some and disconcerted many, as a lot of mainstream culture has heaped scorn and ridicule on them at the same time. And I’m sorry, but I feel some sympathy here.

GONNA RAPE YOU GOT THAT BITCH. Sure, Andrew, I mean you. Am I still worthy of your man-geek sympathy? Does it matter if I was bullied by someone, somewhere, at some point in time?

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Wingnuts: Doctor who treated Ebola patients an asshole

He saved a few lives then he went bowling. If that’s not treason…

A doctor who recently returned to New York City from a Doctors Without Borders mission in western Africa — and who also went bowling the night before – has tested positive for the Ebola virus after developing a high fever, according to ABC News.

Words fail to describe the damage this man has done to our country. But for these:

He’s a selfish, self-righteous, evil POS who deserves what he got but we don’t deserve him being back in this nation. This miserable sackOS put OUR LIVES on the line so that he could feel better about himself running off to Africa to do nothing for the poor black people who couldn’t get along without him. Spencer and everyone who was involved in letting his deseased azz back in the country ought to be imprisoned…

ThePrimordialOrderedPair on October 23, 2014 at 10:31 PM

The conservative crowd can’t stop unraveling over this Ebola thing. It’s astonishing. Here’s a dose of buck-up for the lot of you: Doctors who fly overseas to care for the victims of an epidemic sometimes come down with the disease. That’s right. Deal with it, pansies. Sometimes heroic actions result in dire consequences. You’ll never be a better American than he is right now.

So you can go on pants-crapping all you like, but no one’s interested in patting your widdle tum-tum. You don’t have it.

Now we have a fresh case in the most populous city in the nation, and the potential for hundreds of contacts thanks to the subway ride, the cab, and the use of the bowling alley. Did he have a drink at the bowling alley? Eat food? Did wait staff handle any glasses or dishes? Did he use rental shoes and house bowling balls?

And you’ll never get it from a bowling ball. Grow up.

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You had to go and call us stupid again

Here comes the latest from our pal, the “Finance Editor for Townhall Finance,” John Ransom.

You probably don’t remember this but it was last year when I figured out John was stupid. It wasn’t much of a discovery. I read a screed he titled “Liberals Suck at Math and Eyeballs,” and John afforded a well known leftist his compliment before putting the old man in his place:

Elbert Einstein was the greatest theoretical physicist ever. He had rather childish views about money, economics and politics however.

Try growing up, Elbert. To this day no one from Townhall, least of all John, has seen anything remarkable about this scolding. A few paragraphs later he blasted us for ignoring the documented link between abortion and breast cancer. Which of course is the rankest of bullshit, and I reminded him by e-mail. Do you really think you know more about the science of this than the American Cancer Society? To that he replied:

I’m saying I certainly know more than you do.

Which was an unfortunate error. Never mind that it’s the ACS who know best here, and should be afforded some due respect on the matter. But, in addition, this blogger has actually done some breast cancer research. So I told him. To which he said:

Yeah. What’s really sad is that with all your training as a “scientist” you have to hide behind a lobbying organization like the Society. That, by the way, was my point.

So you might imagine whenever the illuminatus John Ransom starts pointing out someone’s lack of intelligence, I become interested. This time it’s the stupid former constitutional law lecturer and Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama.

First of all, he’s dedicated his whole life to running for office. There has to be a microchip dislodged in anyone’s brain to decide to do that.

Ronald Reagan spent a great many formative years becoming the worst actor of his generation. So let’s dispense with any comparison. The microchip was firmly lodged in his brain. And:

Also, there’s no evidence that we have from his professional body of work that Obama has nothing but average intelligence.

Quite the contrary actually.

…hoo-ee. They don’t rhetoric ‘em like they used to. If I gather all this correctly, starting by throwing aside the double negative, John is saying there’s some evidence that Obama has something other than average intelligence. As far as any assessment goes, John thinks the president is an intelligent man. Then, okay, and fine by me.

Now would be the time to offer, speaking for the president, a hearty ‘Thank you John.’ Absolutely, thanks, and Quite The Contrary Actually. Hmm? Remember that bit after ‘You’re stupid’? John has come immediately to the opposite conclusion as well, as in I MEANT TO LOOK SUPERIOR BY A PHRASE WITH CONTRARY. So bold. I can’t say I’ve ever seen anybody try to hammer home an insult by saying ‘But now the opposite.’ For example: You’re some kind of asshole…quite the contrary actually. Or, with emphasis: No one I know has ever seen a goat-blowing yokel like you, quite the contrary, actually! It lacks a certain, mmm, focus.

But wouldn’t you know it? There’s even more. Beside the genius of all that, there is this:

Uniquely in American history, Obama was given the opportunity to help heal centuries of racial division as the first black president…

Obama squandered his opportunity. He chose poorly. And why?

Why couldn’t he bring all the races together? Why couldn’t he have saved the life of Michael Brown? Why is there still a Ku Klux Klan? John is here to tell you.

Because Obama is enthralled by the most outdated and discredited economic theories- ever. And because he couldn’t openly argue for them, he tried to impose them by fiat on the rest of us.

There has never been a time in history when socialism has been more discredited than it is today.

Because socialism.

If the economic history of the last twenty-five years has shown us anything, it’s that confiscating wealth to try to build a utopian dream is not just foolhardly, but the first step in a path of destruction that will kill young and old alike…

Of course he’s an idiot.

Let me add this and mercifully end the post: In the Republican Party, you will find exactly one Jewish person currently serving in Congress. And he just got primaried out of his own race. He’s gone. There is in addition exactly one black man, who, being from South Carolina, has about a zero chance of holding his seat. Going back to 1900, since the William McKinley administration, the Republicans have tallied a grand total of five black members of Congress. FIVE.

It takes Halley’s comet 76 years to circle our solar system, it takes the GOP about one-third that time to elect an African-American to Congress. If American history holds true, you’ll see the next black Republican representative about five Summer Olympics down the road. And in the South? In Florida for example, when will we see the next Allen West? Before him, the Sunshine State elected Josiah T. Walls in 1871. So buck up America, only 137 years to go. None of this has anything to do with socialism.

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For you, tonight, whilst the apocalypse is crawling up your…

…ass. Do ponder these sensible scribblings from the men who are all Wiser Than You. And later this evening, when you begin to puke plasma, or secrete goo, or see the skin peel right off your handsome flesh, in the same manner your dog Rusty once sundered a watermelon Fruit Roll-Up – Jesus where did he get that? – by nibbling at it with the corners of his front teeth, just remember how completely care-free and silly you once were. Not to have taken them seriously, oh dear.

Obama has favored his African brothers over the rest of us by allowing them free entry into this country. As a result, Ebola has now been introduced into the United States, may be on the verge of spreading rapidly, with the end result being potential massive death to our citizenry.

Larry Klayman – massive death. No problem that’s how I’d like to go, massively. A week-long palsy of screaming and running around the neighborhood HERE IT COMES. I AM GONNA DIE. CHRIST NOW I’M REALLY DYING. People will remember and they’ll smile.

For Ebola, at least at present, it appears to be even worse a threat to this nation than AIDS or other incurable African generated diseases have been in the last decades. Indeed, it is more than likely that suicide terrorists from ISIS, perhaps American Muslim traitors, and others from Islamic terrorist groups, will infect themselves with this deadly virus and enter the United States to inflict severe harm on us.

Why don’t ISIS just fly here and start shooting? Oh don’t be silly. They’d rather fly to Sierra Leone first, lick some vomit from the floor of a mudhut, courier a few fecal samples to a test lab, then wing on over to Parsippany and start french kissing all the guidos. We WILL be concerned, I tell you. Stop kissing Luigi! Stop it I said!

But as has been true throughout Obama’s illegitimate presidency, as all credible evidence suggests that he was born in Kenya and is neither a natural born citizen eligible to be president, nor has he been “naturalized” as a citizen to even have the right to remain here – see the deportation petition I filed recently – regrettably our Muslim commander in chief has favored his own creed over the rest of us.

OBAMA: Other than elect me their President what have white people ever done for me?

AFRICA: Exactly! Let us in!

NORTH AMERICA’S DOOR: *Creeee…*

EBOLA: This is, like, the biggest chicken pot pie I’ve ever seen. I don’t know where to begin.

LUCIFER: Texas.

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Órale vato I stole your sub-contract

Here’s Victor Davis Hanson’s latest. It’s called “…Aristocracies Have no Place in Modern America.”

But before you assume Vic has finally gotten sick of our robber barons, think again. Before you raise any hope that Charles and David Koch are about to get both barrels of a Victor Davis Cranius Cavernosum epistle, hope not. Much as the scions of the family of billionaires who started the Birch Society, twin godlike eminences of the right-wing, serial impresarios of an alphabet soup of political bullshit and dysfunction – AEI, AFP, ALEC, the NRA, Cato, the Heritage Foundation, the Federalist Society – deserve a violent public flogging for their corpus delicti, Hanson will never be that brave.

Instead he oils his whip, and he prowls the Western borderlands. No sense in losing a paycheck, you know. The dear reader will appreciate Hanson’s latest targets being nothing more than the usual suspects for a man of his proclivities. Because this is the real title of his screed, including the first, key, word: “Ethnic Aristocracies Have no Place in Modern America.” That’s right: The colored people are having it too easy in America and let’s put a stop to it, shall we?

Once upon a time, the liberal position was to reject the old discriminatory branding of people by the color of their skins rather than by the content of their characters.

Not now. Political and career advantage is found in trumpeting — or occasionally making up — genealogies.

For the sake of argument, fine. And what would be the “career advantage” in posing as a minority?

Take the inexact category of Latino or Hispanic — an often constructed identity that increasingly no one quite knows how to define.

You could confuse people like Victor.

Almost anyone can be a Latino or Hispanic, from a fourth-generation American with one-quarter Mexican ancestry, to a first-generation Cuban, to a youth who recently arrived illegally from Central America, to someone whose great-grandparents emigrated from the Portuguese Azores.

You could have your own Shriners clubs.

New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez is Latina — her parents were Mexican-American. But her now-desperate Democratic challenger for the governorship, Gary King, claims that Martinez “does not have a Latino heart.” Apparently for King, a self-appointed genealogist, if you do not share his liberal agenda, then you are, de facto, not Latino.

You could even call someone you didn’t like ‘Un Tio Tomás’. There’s a mix of envy and animus on Vic’s part for Latinos being so fabulously conniving and powerful, in a yet-to-be-mentioned, or wholly-imaginary, way.

Last year, former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, a liberal who is of mixed Mexican and Spanish ancestry, claimed that Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, a conservative who is half-Cuban, should not “be defined as a Hispanic” because Cruz opposes comprehensive immigration reform.

Just imagine if Richardson were conservative, had taken his mother’s name and went by Bill Marquez, and if Cruz were liberal, also took his mother’s name and went by Ted Wilson. Who would be the more authentic Hispanic/Latino?

What if the liberal had the ethnic name, and the lunatic didn’t? [Note to self: Plant tongue in cheek. Now cross arms. Done.] And what if they swapped political positions too? I suppose the former leftist would vehemently oppose having any more of his people in America, and we’d call him a traitor to his race. Was that the gist of the argument? I think I won, didn’t I?

On and on Cranius goes indicting suspect after criminal of lying to appear tragically hip – Elizabeth Warren claimed she was Geronimo! Argh! – without coming up with a motive. What sort of games are the American aristocracy playing? The answer is nowhere to be found. If Henry the VIII got to behead his ex-wives, and Phillip the II got to play with an armada, then just what exactly do the Mexicans, real or imaginary, get? OH here it is, in paragraph XVI:

But even if some can prove ethnically pure heritages, who gets an edge in racially mixed-up America and who does not — and why? Will the tens of thousands of Central American children who recently crossed illegally into America soon be eligible for affirmative action?

They get affirmative action. That’s how a survivor of Guatemala’s death squads turns into Marie Antoinette.

If so, on what grounds? That America welcomed, fed, clothed and schooled those who were all but driven out from their oppressive Central American governments?

Is that all? What a brazen swindle. You see Victor is a very nice man but the Immigration And Naturalization Service isn’t feeding him any suckling pig. Nobody from the Border Patrol is tailoring him any silken garments. So what gives, liberals? He’d like to live here in America too, you know! Has anyone ever seen anything in life so unfair to Victor Maximus Mammonae Tonguebath? Or to the many wastrel targets of the state’s spiteful discrimination, his country club pals? They are full of pity for Caesar, I know. Look how that turned out. Órale vato, he stands athwart, etc.

Why continue with divisive racial self-identification?

Too many of our ethnic aristocrats and politicians benefit from a fossilized system of a past century that is now largely irrelevant in 21st-century America…

…where the modern Medicis, Goldman Sachs, have every right to manipulate, or extort, or decimate the world’s financial systems because that’s the nature of business. And where the Koch Brothers do get sensibly fellated at the drop of a Rolodex because of the staggering First Amendment power granted them by birthright, and wealth. But there are still parts of America that deserve protection from undue influence in this world, at least from the grasping minorities. And it’s the institutions mouldering under the veil of affirmative action that Victor holds most dear: Higher education and federal sub-contracting. Yeah.

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Ron Paul: A show about nothing

It’s like, how much more Ron Paul could this be? And the answer is none. None more Ron Paul.

5,000 Americans contacted healthcare providers fearful they had contracted Ebola after the media reported that someone with Ebola had entered the United States. All 5,000 cases turned out to be false alarms…

Ebola is a dangerous disease, but it is very difficult to contract.

Finally, some common sense from the right wing. But then you realize: It’s coming from Ron Paul.

Ebola spreads via direct contact with the virus.

Meaning that what he says will sound reasonable at first. Until you begin to take it seriously, and think about it a bit, and then it will dawn upon you. This guy is an idiot.

To wit: What kind of viral disease can you contract without having “direct contact with the virus”? How the hell else would a virus take over your system? Telekinesis? You get my point. Jiminy Cricket, Ron Paul is a useless person.

The devastation wrought by years of war has made it impossible for these countries to develop modern healthcare infrastructure. For example, the 14-year civil war in Liberia left that country with almost no trained doctors.

You’re telling me the country’s doctors have Gone Galt. They’ve all come down with a case of Enlightened Self-Interest. Good for them, being so fully-empowered and self-actualized. Unfortunately, without them, Libertarianism will have a difficult time helping their poor fellow countrymen in a time of need. This virus in particular remains dangerously unimpressed with Ron Paul’s political acumen and philosophical dynamism.

President Obama’s response to the Ebola crisis has been to send 3,000 troops to West African countries to help with treatment and containment. Obama did not bother to seek congressional authorization for this overseas military deployment. Nor did he bother to tell the American people how long the mission would last, how much it would cost, or what section of the Constitution authorizes him to send US troops on “humanitarian” missions.

Nonetheless Paul has managed to come up with some advice for us. Here’s how we can all pitch in and stop this terrible epidemic:

The people of Liberia and other countries would be better off if the US government left them alone.

We can ignore it.

Leave it to private citizens to invest in African business and trade with the African people. Private investment and trade would help these countries develop thriving free-market economies capable of sustaining a modern healthcare infrastructure.

And after a few million people die of the disease, and Liberia has been reduced to empty jungle, a group of fully self-actualized individuals will descend upon the “country” and buy it lock, stock and barrel. That’s when the now-former Liberians will get the shiny healthcare system they richly deserve.

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A idiocy with regard to science approaching depravity

Stupidity.

Fat Lesbians Got All the Ebola Dollars, But Blame the GOP
By: Erick Erickson (Diary)

Democrats have rushed out of the gate with an attack ad against Republicans claiming if only we had spent more money, we would be able to solve the Ebola situation.

…Republicans can respond in kind. For example, instead of studying Ebola, the National Institutes of Health were studying the propensity of lesbians to be fat.

I surely believe the government was billions of dollars-wise interested in why lesbians are fat. I’m contented to assume when researchers received their sumptuous grants they dashed right down to the 7-11 to convert their NIH debit cards to cash and press the bounty into the pockets of the local Chicago Bear fans, who otherwise would be spending their time doing each other’s hair or Eskimo kissing, when not shifting from one plump foot to the other in anticipation of government largesse. Abandoned troop transports they were, all. Just so Erick could point out they “Got All the Ebola Dollars.”

And the Centers for Disease Control spent its budget on gun violence studies on order of the President as part of his agenda to curtail the second amendment.

The CDC also spent its money to survey what bus riders thought of HIV videos.

Hey, and let’s not forget all the money the CDC spent to convince people to stop smoking and now we need tobacco to manufacture the drug to fight Ebola. Classic.

Classic. After millions of Americans died of cancer, you bureaucrats unleashed a savage lawyer-ing upon the poor tobacco companies. But now you want to make some of this experimental Ebola drug. From what? Cigarettes! And isn’t it true you’ve been hounding the country to buy fewer guns? To stop the spree killings of children and such? But now you want to go out and spend millions of dollars on rifles. For what? A so-called ‘Army’! The hypocrisy.

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You’re an orgasm addict

San Diego sounds like a lovely place.

Todd Bosnich says he joined [Carl] DeMaio’s campaign last year eager to work for a candidate who shared his values and who, like himself, is an openly gay Republican…

One morning last April, Bosnich said he arrived early at campaign headquarters and DeMaio called him back to his office.

“I came over to his office, door was open. And he was masturbating,” Bosnich said. “I saw his hand, his penis in his hand and he had a smile on his face.”

Morning boss. Morning Todd. You watch last night’s episode of To Catch A Predator? Boy I tell you some people. Okay, ready? STAND BACK.

Bosnich said the harassment that culminated that spring morning started months before, when DeMaio drove Bosnich back to his car after drinks with the staff at a local bar.

“We were making small talk on the way back. And when he pulled up to my car, he reached over into my lap and grabbed my crotch. And I flipped out. And I pushed his hand away,” Bosnich said. “I just was shocked because I’d never had anyone do something like that to me, especially in a position of authority and trust.”…

“‘That’s just the way Carl is,’” Bosnich recalls [campaign manager] Knepper saying. “And that if I really felt that uncomfortable I shouldn’t have let him know that I’m a gay man.”

Didn’t your mother ever warn you? Never tell a sex maniac you’re gay. He’ll get tipsy and clutch your balls for sure. Everybody knows. Oh by the way.

This is not the first time DeMaio has been accused of sexually inappropriate behavior. Last year, a fellow city councilman, Ben Hueso, said he twice caught DeMaio masturbating in a semi-private city hall restroom accessible only to city officials…

“He was furious; he looked like something serious had just happened,” [councilwoman] Emerald said. “He said DeMaio was in there (masturbating). And I said do you want to grab a police officer and have him arrested? Because this is a violation of the (city) code. He said no, but he was pretty upset.”

So the first openly gay Republican happens to be the mythological pervert the other 99.9% of Republicans have been warning us about. Time to take a long look in the mirror. Maybe some things aren’t exactly what they seem.

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If it ain’t the one thing, it’s the other

I find Pat Dollard entertaining.

Now why would @BarackObama do that? Why would he terrorize all those children?

He would terrorize the children because he’s black. Ah yes, do go on.

It’s an African psychopath’s punishment and revenge for the humiliations of slavery and colonialism, a general attack for his general hatred of the US, and a desire to make America suffer just like his home continent, kind of like saying “You, America, are no better than Africa.”

Is this true, Rush Limbaugh?

Radio host Rush Limbaugh suggested on Monday that President Barack Obama is refusing to divert flights from Ebola-infected countries and close down America’s borders because he believes that the nation “deserves” to be infected with the virus given its history of perpetuating slavery.

There you have it. It’s absolutely concretely true. Like Mammy’s socks I’ll be darned. Pat?

Obama’s advisors told him that without a flight ban, Ebola was 100% guaranteed to enter the United States. He is terrorizing and infecting the country on purpose.

Wait up there, buddy – that poor man in Dallas just died. YAAAY! We’re 100% Ebola free! A-mer-i-ca! A-mer-i-ca! The Apocalypse, she has been thoroughly Averted, no? Well, nooo.

Heck. Pat wins again.

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A model of Republican leadership

Meet the latest version of the Great Republican Candidate, Gordon Klingenschmitt.

Doctor ChapsI said “you foul spirit of lesbianism, this woman has renounced you, come out of her in Jesus’ name” and she began to wrestle with that and suddenly her eyes began to bug out and then she began to weep, and weep, and weep as the Holy Spirit forgave her sins.

She was baptized the next day and then she became one of the best evangelists in our church, started carrying around her Bible telling all of her friends about Jesus and she started dating boys.

Dr. Chaps, as he calls himself, is running for Colorado congress in the 15th district.

We can see the demonic spirit of adultery in people like that. And, of course, when we apply this to Madonna, she does much the same thing, right? She’s out there pandering with sexuality, and she does it for money. And she’s out there seducing people to death.

That’s an issue for the new congressman to immediately address. Have ye faith in your Republican party, Coloradans? Then when a public servant of this mental illness caliber comes up for office, cry out: Callooh Callay! Huzzah!

So for example, Julius Genachowski, the outgoing FCC chairman, who works apparently in collusion with President Obama, has not enforced decency standards in even four years…

So there’s perhaps a demonic spirit of tyranny or immorality inside of him…the demonic spirit influences him to abuse and, dare I say, molest and visually rape your children.

[Must we remind? No means no, tyranny demon.] Tell the Party of Lincoln – thank you.

There is a spirit of hiding, a spirit of secrecy…it’s got its roots in a satanic evil spirit of violation, of tyranny really…

Let’s pray: Father in Heaven, we pray against the domestic enemies of the Constitution against this demon of tyranny who is using the White House occupant. And that demonic spirit is oppressing us. Father we command it to leave.

Go on, say it loud…I’m bananas and I’m proud.

The openly homosexual Congressman Jared Polis (D-CO) introduced a revised bill to force Christian employers and business owners to hire and promote homosexuals with ZERO RELIGIOUS EXEMPTIONS for Christians who want to opt out…

Democrats like Polis want to bankrupt Christians who refuse to worship and endorse his sodomy. Next he’ll join ISIS in beheading Christians, but not just in Syria, right here in America.

I’m sooo jealous.

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Let’s impeach him for Ebola as well

Why pray tell must we suffer a deadly dangerous outbreak of Ebola in our United States? That’s the big question. Well, partner, I’m not sure what exactly you mean by the word ‘outbreak.’ Perhaps you mean something else, like ‘containment’? A Liberian man came into contact with an infected woman back in Africa, then he returned here. That’s nothing like a contagion, that’s like a ‘commute.’ As a result America has now had itself a ‘containment.’ If, though, a couple dozen unlucky people in the Liberian’s neighborhood now come down with the virus I’m ready to concede an apocalypse. We will have ourselves an actual outbreak.

But some are already convinced Ebola has precipitated a devastating American health crisis. They’ve resorted to praying for the safety and welfare of their children and their church groups lest the epidemic run like a wildfire through their neighborhoods before they can make their peace with Him. As they typically become whenever Revelations descends upon them, or the moon fades to red, or the mayflies swarm ominously as a sign the country is being overtaken by dark forces from a far-flung continent, our conservative friends are now in shock. Thoroughly terrified. And very, very angry.

Barack Barry Soetoro Hussein Obama, Indonesian citizen and erstwhile Muslim, needs to be impeached. Now. Repeat, now.

Ho-hum Michael. C’mon, why?

The latest, and most egregious, example is the federal government’s (mis)handling of the spread of the Ebola epidemic… Ebola is already here, in Texas, in Georgia, probably in New York or New Jersey.

The coast-to-coast epidemic, unfortunately, died yesterday. I have no doubt this is a tragedy for our author given the very few days Patient Zero was given to convert Texas into jungled Africa. If he hadn’t enough time to turn even a single hospital into a mortician’s glossary, I fear someone is going to take it personally.

In addition, Obama-Soetoro, as “Commander-in-Chief,” has ordered 3,000 of our military personnel to the infected areas of Africa where it is inevitable that some, if not all, will become infected themselves.

Dateline: tomorrow. A long-missing Army troop transport appeared off Cocoa Beach, Florida, weeks late and wildly off-course shocking swimmers and sunbathers who gawked at the eerie sight. The ship ran silently aground on the beach minutes after 1 p.m. local time. Military police soon arrived at the scene and clambered aboard the carrier to look for survivors. Hours later officials in contact with the searchers confirmed that none of the passengers or crew had survived…

Is this how it’s supposed to go down? Because I’m betting anything big enough to carry 3,000 soldiers has room for a doctor. A small grotto for a couple of nurses. An overhead compartment big enough for a bitchin’ two-way radio, too.

They will then bring the disease home with them to infect God only knows how many more soldiers and American civilians.

OH I’ve got it all wrong. Here’s how it goes: The soldiers disembark and then sprint right back to catch the midnight mass at Our Lady of the Sanctified Channel. WHERE they all stand shivering in line waiting for a proper transmogrification, until the first of them arrives finally in front of the priest, poking a pale and palsying tongue out at Father Doocy. WHO only just barely manages to wonder ‘What the…?’ before receiving a skull-melting volley of the African Death Vomit to many a churchgoer’s shock, if not surprise. You will agree that this is something we, as Americans, should avoid.

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A case of nth-degree boobiary Ebola Panic

The truth is that Ebola virus really isn’t much of a threat. It’s only about as contagious as hepatitis. Unless you have some pressing need to go walking hand-in-hand with strangers along the Mesurado river, it’s something you can easily avoid. Ebola panic however is another story.

Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky declared on “The Laura Ingraham Show” that “this could get beyond our control” and worried, “Can you imagine if a whole ship full of our soldiers catch Ebola?”…

Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin floated the idea of quarantining airline passengers in the affected African countries before they could fly out. “We’re learning a lot about how it’s spread but the question is ‘How can a person just jump on a plane and get here without a quarantine period of 21 days,’ which I believe is recommended,” he said on a radio talk show Wednesday.

Can you imagine quarantining the thousands of people who arrive here from West Africa every day? Can you imagine lying so shamelessly about a Centers for Disease Control recommendation? Fuck you, Paul Ryan.

You know what’s a good way to deal with this problem? When an African man shows up in your Dallas emergency room with flu-like symptoms, you ask him: “Are you Liberian?” Here’s a sensible one: “Did you just fly here from Liberia?” And then there’s this corker: “Have you recently been in close contact with any Liberians dying from Ebola, in Liberia?” Asking even one of these practical questions of a vomiting stranger could give your puzzled medical staff valuable hints as to what they’re dealing with, but your mileage may vary. Notwithstanding: Booo! That’s not how these clusterfucks go, so now we’ve got a full-blown case of American Ebola Tremons. Matthew Continetti:

We are told that Benghazi was a spontaneous demonstration, that al Qaeda is on the run, that the border is secure as it has ever been, that Assad must go, that I didn’t draw a red line, the world drew a red line, that the IRS targeting of Tea Party groups involved not a smidgen of corruption, that the Islamic State is not Islamic…

The system can withstand only so many shocks.

Remember when those four guys were killed in Libya? It looked like sheer panic in my neighborhood, I can tell you.

The response by our government has been denial and delusion. But that has further alienated the public, and it won’t be long before things get really weird. Maybe it is time for the political class to panic, too.

Know hope? That’s passé.

Know fear.

You hear that? SShh! Did you HEAR THAT? This would be ghost whispering for our wingnut pals. If only the simple suggestion of ghosts having ears wouldn’t cause an outbreak of volcanic incontinence. THEY CAN HEAR YOU? Then there’s Jonah Goldberg.

If I were in charge of overseas contingency operations at the Islamic State or al-Qaeda, I would send as many suicide-bomber types back to America (and France and Britain) with a new weapon: Ebola.

What a mensch.

I’d tell them: Take as many connections as you can on the flight home. Help people with their luggage whenever possible. Leave a mess in the plane bathroom and a paper trail of your travels that will foment panic when ultimately revealed.

Really a helpful sort.

Have fun for as long as you can and maybe share your spit, sweat, and other stuff in as many creative ways as you can. See a show. Go to a water park and just hang out in the lazy river all day. Eat at a nice restaurant, leave a messy napkin. Don’t bother to wash your hands — and never flush (or if you do, make sure the toilet overflows!).

The Salt of the Girth. He is.

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