The ways in which Trump is actually winning

Don’t look now, but Donald Trump is winning. And he’s winning big. Seriously. Really, this is the truth.

“The polling numbers for Donald Trump are looking pretty bad now, aren’t they at the moment?” reporter Matt Frei asked.

“Not all of them, no. Just the cherry-picked polling numbers that are put out by media outlets that are also bent on his destruction,” Conway responded…

If it looks bad, that’s because there’s a conspiracy among the media to make the election appear that way. In reality Trump is solidly out in front of Hillary Clinton.

Conway explained American voters are under social pressure to appear as though they dislike Trump, but that anonymous online polling affords voters the ability to make choices they might otherwise be ridiculed for publicly embracing.

“It’s because it’s become socially desirable, especially if you’re a college educated person in the United States of America, to say that you’re against Donald Trump,” Conway described.

Once you allow educated people to poll anonymously then Donald *ding ding* wins. How about that? Now the only thing his campaign needs is millions of black glasses and rain coats for the college types. The perv vote is solidly in Donald’s camp.

Doocy asked Zip’s creator Alanna Markey, “OK, so your results are a lot different than the — what we see of the RealClearPolitics average…Alanna, explain why the answer — your results are so much different than the polls we’ve been seeing.”

Why does Zip show Donald Trump winning? Good question.

Markey explained that Zip is not a polling device, but “an anonymous conversation that’s happening nationwide. And we have users that are over 13 across the U.S., exclusively in the U.S. So because it’s conversational we feel like that’s why our results are really so accurate and representative of how people are talking.”

Trump is winning because teenagers love the internet. They also love voting in presidential elections, let’s not forget that. That’s the thing that really matters.

An executive recruiter by trade, it’s his hobby of internet trolling that has turned him into an unlikely conservative star.

In the last year, Mitchell has amassed a following of tens of thousands of Twitter followers, nearly 70,000 and counting, who come for his insistence that, despite what nearly every poll says, Donald Trump will be elected president of the United States.

Bill Mitchell has it all figured out.

…mainstream polling is skewed to disenfranchise the “silent majority” of Americans who favor the Republican nominee’s ideas.

…Mitchell says you don’t have to look further than the size of the crowds each candidate commands. While Trump fills stadiums designed for monster truck rallies and rock concerts, Clinton tends to address audiences of a more modest size. A beltway pundit might call that an enthusiasm gap or simply a matter of staging, but Mitchell calls it a conspiracy.

Mitchell has become a popular man in right-wing circles. He’s cashed in on Twitter and elsewhere by thrilling his Trumpster throng with Zen koans like this:

“Imagine polls don’t exist,” Mitchell tweeted on Aug. 7, “Show me evidence Hillary is winning?”

Well, you can’t argue with that. Literally – you can’t argue with it. If I can’t ask who people will vote for, the truth can’t be known. The denial is strong in this one, don’t count him out. Also, it is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary etc. etc.

For our fellow narcissists, there’s this:

Despite surveys that show Trump faltering, many of the Republican candidate’s supporters at a rally Thursday told BuzzFeed News why they think he is actually leading the presidential race.

“I don’t believe in the polls,” said Phillip Morgon, who attended the rally with two friends from Concord, North Carolina. “They ain’t called us.”

It’s the ultimate response. The uber-parry for reality’s thrust. The perfect Trump card. How can the pollsters be right when they never asked me?

Proof of Trump’s dominance can be demonstrated by the size of his rallies, compared with Clinton’s smaller events, which are held in gymnasiums, he said. Gesturing around the room before the rally began, he added, “I’ll bet most of the people here never got called for a poll.”

Nevermind that a good number of Trump supporters have been called, and polled, and said they supported Donald. Until every last one of the faithful is contacted by Gallup, or Zogby or PPP, how could the truth really be known? How could any predictions possibly be accurate?

Douglas Breeding had the same thought.

“Nobody has asked me,” said Breeding. “I don’t see people on social media saying that they support Hillary Clinton. I think mainstream media manipulates polls to benefit her so that people think there is no reason to vote. I believe Trump is up, and he will win in November by a big margin.”

There’s a certain familiar quality to all this. For the man who believes he’s the center of the universe, his supporters won’t give up until every last one of them is consulted. Very self-affirming.


BREAKING: Scientists find that mud is yuck, squishy

Is Donald Trump a racist? Is it proper for us to say that he is? The candidate hasn’t actually said the word “nigger” yet, as far as I know. So are we being fair to him? Hmm.

Don Advo: Interesting thing in the Donald Trump campaign. He’s hired a guy named Bannon, or Brannon, who is the leader of the Breitbart website. And this has really had the yids flipping their lids in a manner of speaking. Ben Shapiro, one of the neocons, says “Breitbart and the alt right just took over the GOP, and if the Republicans aren’t careful they’ll soon see true conservatism banished from their party.”

Don is co-host of the David Duke radio show.

Don: So, something extonishing has happened. We appear to have taken over the Republican Party.

David: Well, rank and file, but a lot of those boll weevils are still in those cotton balls, and, uh, the Republican Party may be a European-American populated party, but like a ball of cotton, you can have boll weevils in there that are going to rot it out from the inside.

I don’t find it all that extonishing that racist people have ‘taken over’ the GOP [dear me]. Just about anywhere you go in Republican America you can spot one of these:

john wayne statue iowa

A statue of a Hollywood actor. This one is in Iowa.

John Wayne cowboy

This one is in Oklahoma, in a cowboy museum.

john wayne airport staue

This one is in Orange County, California. The wingnuts named their airport after him.

A “man of humility, of honesty, and a hero of the American West (who) was a symbol to the world of the traditional American values.”

(Resolution of the Orange County Board of Supervisors, June 20, 1979)

Care to listen to a little of thespian-man’s famous honesty?

“We can’t all of a sudden get down on our knees and turn everything over to the leadership of the blacks,” Wayne said. “I believe in white supremacy until the blacks are educated to a point of responsibility. I don’t believe in giving authority and positions of leadership and judgment to irresponsible people.”

He was no fan of the Indians either. Apparently they were selfish children who needed to have their continent-toys taken away from them.

John Wayne’s swaggering racism was never a secret. But he is still considered by many, even today, as perhaps The Greatest American Ever (…a movie actor. What a country.). My point is that we have always been a petulantly racist nation. No one is about to tear down any of The Duke’s likenesses. So please stop pretending that calling somebody on their bigotry is somehow a shocking act. The charge is frequently true, that’s the story. Here’s Maine’s current governor:

“A bad guy is a bad guy. I don’t care what color he is. When you go to war, if you know the enemy, the enemy dresses in red and you dress in blue, you shoot at red,” he said. “You shoot the enemy. You try to identify the enemy. And the enemy right now, the overwhelming majority of people coming in are people of color or people of Hispanic origin.”

Here’s his endorsement:

“Make sure he knows before he leaves here that we have picked a winner,” LePage said of Trump when he joined him at a campaign event in Maine last month.

It is common for Americans to believe that white people amount to a superior race without them bothering to don sumptuous robes in public or burn a cross on anyone’s lawn. I think we can agree on that. Of course Donald Trump is a racist.


Remember people. Sasquatch Israel.

Here we go again.

Now this – Analysis from social media provides additional support that Trump is likely to win in a landslide.

So how bad is it? Evidence from ‘The Truth Division’ shows that if you look at social media, Trump is killing Hillary!

Facebook. Trump: 10,174,358 Likes Clinton: 5,385,959 Likes. Trump has nearly double the amount of ‘Likes’ that Clinton has!

When comparing recent ‘live streams’ on Facebook: Trump Live Stream Post — 135,000 likes, 18,167 shares, 1.5 million view. Clinton Live Stream Post —11,000 likes, 0 shares, 321,000 views

Trump is crushing Clinton.

The brain rot begins to set in, once again. Haven’t the Republicans done everything just so? Haven’t they done all of the white things? Of course they have. So how in the world could they be losing? Unpossible! I mean, isn’t everyone talking about Donald Trump? Isn’t he on The Roger Ailes Channel every night? Doesn’t he have a million followers on the Twitter? What else do you need to know?

Keilar began, “Let me ask you about this. You say it’s not a shakeup, but you guys are down, and it makes sense that there would–”

Cohen interrupted, repeating, “Says who?”

Not skipping a beat, Keilar confirmed, “Polls. Most of them. All of them?”

“Says who?”

“Polls. I just told you, I answered your question.”

“OK, which polls?”

“All of them.”

…Keilar was exactly right and Cohen made an ass of himself… It’s unclear what information Cohen is seeing, but Trump hasn’t led in a single poll since July 23…

Okay about that, the polls. You know what that means? Nothing. That’s right, you heard me. You want to have a referendum, then go and do yourselves a little polling, whatever. But this is totally different. This is about being elected President of the United States. You can’t do that without… winning. Hokay?

Interrupting a discussion about the hiring of Breitbart overlord Steve Bannon to run the Trump campaign, Bolling complained, “These polls, Dana, honestly, we have to stop with these polls.” Bolling continued, “They’re insane with these polls. Just look at what’s going on. You look at a Trump rally, and there’s 12, 15, 10,000 people.” In addition to demanding that “we have to stop with these polls,” Bolling compared his inflated estimates of Trump’s crowd sizes to Hillary’s lesser-than crowd sizes, insisting that rally attendance is an accurate predictor of election outcomes. It’s not.

I can’t stop laughing. They spend their entire lives trying to get away from stoopid liberuls so they don’t have to hear us spew our filthy opinions and noxious facts. They live entirely within the Fox News bubble fortress, appointed with Sean Hannity’s rage and Bill O’Reilly’s surrealist U.S. History anecdotes.

What happens when sobriety intrudes? What happens when the real world comes banging at the door? They go further into the darkness. They run straight for the basement. And in there they find their carpet monkey mommy, and they cling to it as if grim death were creeping right up their spines. It’s genius.


Donald’s new thing: Hillary is ISIS

Once again the Trump campaign sets off in a brand new direction. It’s your all encompassing comprehensive re-set back to the beginning do-over everybody get the hell out and start pushing first-gear bump start, for the rest of the entire year, one more time. Watch:

SUNRISE, Florida — Donald Trump on Wednesday night admonished Hillary Clinton for having the father of the Orlando shooter seated behind her at a recent campaign rally.

“Wasn’t it terrible?” Trump asked, that Seddique Mateen was “sitting with a big smile on his face right behind Hillary Clinton … When you get those seats, you sort of know the campaign.”

As he did today, here, using Omar Mateen’s father, Donald Trump will try to tie Hillary Clinton to terrorism. He’s going to do everything he can to turn her into an angry Muslim set to wage jihad inside the United States. He’s going to swear, without a hint of sarcasm, that she’s associated with a well-known terrorist group.

“Take a look at Orlando. Take a look at San Bernardino. Take a look at the World Trade Center. Take a look at what’s going on, and then worldwide, and we let [Islamic State or IS, formerly] ISIS take this position,” the Republican presidential nominee said during an election rally in Daytona Beach, Florida. He drew a list of flaws in US policy in Libya and the Middle East, laying all the blame on his opponent, Clinton.

“It was Hillary Clinton that… she should get an award from them as the founder of ISIS. That’s what it was. Her weakness. Her weak policies,” the New York mogul stressed, with the crowd then responding with “Lock her up! Lock her up!”

This will be Trump’s campaign going forward. Hillary Clinton should get an award for founding the Islamic State. Nevermind that the Bush/Cheney cabal obviously deserve credit for the group considering its well-known roots in the Iraq War. Hillary Clinton is really to blame, and she’s very much sympathetic to their wishes. This is a meme he started two days ago.

Donald Trump labeled Democratic rival Hillary Clinton as the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria’s “most valuable player,” accusing her foreign policy of creating the terror group…

“We shouldn’t have gotten out the way we got out, the way we got out was insane. Obama gave a date and that’s how ISIS happened,” Trump said Tuesday at a rally in Wilmington, N.C.

“Hence the birth of ISIS, congratulation Hillary Clinton. If I’m ISIS, I call her up and I give her the most valuable player award.”

It will be interesting to see if this strategy will work against a candidate who is closely associated with the Obama administration. Clinton is his former Secretary of State. The President has killed more ISIS terrorists than all of the world’s other leaders combined.

Trump meanwhile has feuded bitterly with the Khan family, whose son, Humayun Khan, was killed in Iraq.

The newest issue of the so-called Islamic State’s propaganda magazine Dabiq said the Muslim war hero died as an “apostate” when he was killed by a car bomb in Iraq in 2004 after ordering soldiers under his command to stand back as he moved foward to investigate the vehicle.

Khan was posthumously awarded the Bronze Star and Purple Heart and is buried at Arlington National Cemetery. ISIS published a picture of his headstone and captioned it, “Beware of dying as an apostate.”

ISIS is no fan of Capt. Khan.


Trump, Commander and CEO: Monetize foreign policy

You think a businessman should run the country? Well then you oughta go and vote for Donald Trump. He’s gonna wheel and deal his way across the world, you’re gonna love it. It’s about time somebody let the Cubas and Khans know who’s in charge. Driving a hard bargain with the neighbors is only fair game – and good practice – when you’re the pre-eminent capitalist country on Earth.

And if the American military isn’t the world’s greatest untapped asset, I’ll be dipped. C’mon people now listen up: Adopt, adapt and improve. Monetize. From now on if one of our soldiers has to shoot someone, the spent shells come with an invoice.

What’s that, Singapore? You say you got problems? Sure everybody’s got problems, the whole globe, get in line. You want us to take down a fascist, Swaziland? Well now that’ll cost you a million bucks. You want us to invade Iraq, Iraq? Whaddya mean, no? Whatever I don’t care, you owe us a billion gallons of oil. You want us to honor some old World War II defense treaty, sure. I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you? But listen Bub these things cost a lot of money. The coastland of your country goes all the way around, did you know that? Sheesh, some people. I don’t want to start any rumors, but it’d be a shame if your island caught fire in the middle of the night.

Donald Trump is the first man to finally appreciate the full potential of this great country. And it’s about time. From President Obama all the way back to George Washington, not one of our CEOs has ever maximized the leverage of our business assets (kaboom). It’s just Econ 101: If you can’t bargain with the world, you’ll never get paid.

“So you would keep troops in Iraq after this year?” asked Wall Street Journal reporter Kelly Evans.

“I would take the oil,” Trump responded.

Trump has repeatedly endorsed the bizarre, bellicose fantasy that the U.S. could and should seize oil fields in Iraq and Libya. A confused Evans responded, “I don’t understand how you would take — does that mean keeping troops there, or staying involved in Iraq?” “You heard me, I would take the oil,” Trump insisted…

What’s fair is fair. After we invade you, we get to keep your stuff. We went into Vietnam and took the Imperial Palace at Huế, turned it into a roadside stand in Minnesota. We took the entire Korean peninsula and turned it into a Georgia alligator farm. That’s what we do, we’re like that.

“In the old days, you know when you had a war, to the victor belong the spoils,” he told George Stephanopoulos in 2011. “You go in. You win the war and you take it… You’re not stealing anything.”

You’re not stealing. You’re just taking other people’s things. If they’re too weak or dead to do anything about it, that’s their tough.

Word up, Estonia.

Donald Trump told the New York Times that if Russia invaded Baltic members of NATO, he would have to review whether those countries “have fulfilled their obligations to us” before deciding whether to come to their defense, as mandated by the military alliance’s formal charter.

“You can’t forget the bills,” Trump said. “They have an obligation to make payments. Many NATO nations are not making payments, are not making what they’re supposed to make. That’s a big thing. You can’t say forget that.”

Talk to his hand.

Toomas is their president. Yeah I know, nobody knows. Today:

At a campaign event in Iowa, Mr Trump also repeated his criticism of countries that do not pull their weight in terms of financial contributions to Nato.

“You know we have a treaty with Japan, where if Japan is attacked, we have to use the full force and might of the United States,” he said.

“If we’re attacked, Japan doesn’t have to do anything. They can sit home and watch Sony television, OK?”

They can sit in their Gucci rice paddies wearing coke bottle glasses and gnashing their buck teeth, saying “Me so horny.” And they won’t even have to pay us a dime. That’s so like them, isn’t it?

Mr Trump added that the US protects Japan, South Korea, Germany, Saudi Arabia and other nations, and “they don’t pay anything near what it costs”.

“They have to pay. Because this isn’t 40 years ago,” he added.

“It’s got to be a two-way street.”

Of course Wall Street.


Trump vs. Khan: There is no bottom

Donald Trump is up to his neck in it now. He can’t admit that he screwed up when he attacked the family of Capt. Humayun Khan, the Muslim American soldier who died in Iraq. And of course he can’t back down, so we get what we have today: A stunning political shitshow.

Fox News guy and Drudge reporter Charles Hurt stepped forward late yesterday to lend Donald a hand:

So, why would Khizr Khan choose to insert himself into politics and demean his son’s sacrifice by lying at a political convention on national television?

The answer is simple: He allowed himself to be tricked into it. And the Clinton campaign was all too eager to take advantage of him and his family and Capt. Khan and use them for their own political partisan purposes.

In the great tradition of both his employers, Charles never came within shouting distance of Khan to make the assertion. Asking the ‘victim’ if he was tricked isn’t journalism apparently. Chuck just imagined himself hiding in a DNC closet and seeing the The Sting go down right in front of him.

But that’s nothing. The really shite-level shit came by way of Official Trump Campaign Spokesman Rep. Al Baldasaro of New Hampshire.

Al practically broke his arm patting himself on the back for the scoop he dug up on Khizr and his kid, the supposed “hero” with the Bronze Star and Purple Heart (pfft, right). Baldasaro pulled the stunning truth out the ass of legendary fake former terrorist and ultra-Islamophobe Walid Shoebat. Read it and weep, losers:

What The Media Is Not Telling You About The Muslim Who Attacked Donald Trump: He Is A Muslim Brotherhood Agent Who Wants To Advance Sharia Law And Bring Muslims Into The United States

The Muslim who attacked Donald Trump, Khizr Muazzam Khan, is a Muslim Brotherhood agent, working to bring Muslims into the United States. After reading what we discovered so far, it becomes obvious that Khan wanted to ‘trump’ Trump’s Muslim immigration. But not so fast. Trump we have your back.

Turns out Khizr Khan is an agent of the Muslim Brotherhood who somehow worked his way into Clinton’s inner circle. And all it took to pull that off was a dead son and twelve years of patient waiting. Talk about sneaky.

But the creme du caca was the expose’ they ran on Khizr’s son, the apparent fellow conspirator in his long con. Humayun was a dangerous character, a traitor of the likes of these guys:

In regards to his son, many were the ‘Muslim martyrs’ who joined the US military. Ali Abdul Saoud Mohamed, for example, enlisted in the Special Forces of the US Army; he was a double working for the US and Al-Qaeda. There is also the example of Hasan K Akbar, a Muslim American soldier who murdered and injured fifteen soldiers… And of course the example Nidal Malik Hassan, who murdered fourteen Americans in cold blood in Fort Hood.

Pops and son were obviously working together: One trying mightily to get killed, the other pretending to grieve his loss and sucker Hillary into putting him on a stage somewhere. Preferably it’d be a national platform where Khan can launch a devastating attack against a great orange patriot who only wants to protect America from wild-eyed bombers and Sharia Law. Who’s being tricked now, stupid lady?

Is it likely that Khan’s son was killed before his Islamist mission was accomplished? Only another type of investigation will determine that… But soon everything we need to know will be uncovered. As we say in the Middle East: the snow always melts and the sh*t under it will soon be revealed.

I never imagined the 2016 campaign would ever become this entertaining, or this horrible.


Donald’s pal, Vladimir Putin? Funny thing about him.

Donald Trump is fighting with the media over an apparent friend of his, Vladimir Putin.

In a Nov. 10 GOP debate, Trump said: “I got to know him very well because we were both on ‘60 Minutes,’ we were stablemates, and we did very well that night.”

Donald will have you know that his buddy is a very nice man.

They see we’ve been greatly weakened, both militarily and otherwise, and he certainly does not respect President Obama. So what I would do—as an example, I own Miss Universe, I was in Russia, I was in Moscow recently and I spoke, indirectly and directly, with President Putin, who could not have been nicer, and we had a tremendous success.

Donald and Vlade, Putin and Trump, they’re a team. Like peanut butter and jelly, or ham and eggs. Everywhere they go, they do very well. Everything that they do together, they’re a tremendous success. Imagine how much better the world will be when the Martin and Lewis of global politics are hosting the show. I feel pretty good about it. I can picture their world around the year 2025, with these two laughing it up and playing grabass in the defendants’ box in Den Hague. I’d prefer we avoid such gaudy Nuremberg-style demonstrations of justice among the hissing ruins, if that’s okay with you.

Now Donald just asked pal Pootie to take Hillary’s campaign out. In public? What are friends for…

“I have no relationship with Putin. I have no relationship with Putin,” Trump said in the interview when asked about the nature of the relationship.

Oh, now he’s a nobody. Zeh Crabbe couldn’t be a bigger stranger.

“I didn’t meet him. I haven’t spent time with him. I didn’t have dinner with him. I didn’t go hiking with him. I don’t know, I wouldn’t know him from Adam except I see his picture, and I would know what he looks like.”

Remarkable the way Donald’s friends come and go. Like Taylor Swift’s business-love interests. One minute they’re tremendous together, the next they haven’t so much as hiked the Caucasian Trail. They haven’t even tweeted at each other, if you can believe that. It makes you wonder what, if anything, Trump knows about this charming despot.

“He’s not going into Ukraine, okay, just so you understand. He’s not gonna go into Ukraine, all right? You can mark it down,” Trump said. “You can put it down. You can take it anywhere you want.”

Go into what’s left of Ukraine, he means? The place with the street fighting, and the dead bodies, and the Russian infantry in disguise, strapped with Russian arms? That Ukraine?

When Stephanopoulos pointed out that Russia is already in Ukraine, Trump said, “Well, he’s there in a certain way. But I’m not there.”

Does anyone know what that means? I’m outta here.


Thank you, Khizr Khan, for driving them crazy

Whoever decided to slot a Muslim on the speaker’s bill at the Democratic national convention last week is some sort of punk genius. Republicans are so completely Islam nutty that they could only have reacted to it as they have, predictably. Khizr Khan taking the stage and talking about his soldier son has driven right-wingers to piddle themselves with fear, or fury, or whatever it is that makes the rage-bunny of conservatism pound the star spangled drum and goose step in circles.

“If you look at his wife, she was standing there,” he said, on national television. “She had nothing to say. She probably, maybe she wasn’t allowed to have anything to say. You tell me.”

For Trump to dismiss the mother of Humayun Khan, fallen American, as some woeful mute is certainly impressive. If ghosts are at all real, one of his housemaids might want to linger upstairs and check for the sounds of Donald being throttled like a rag doll in the night.

This wasn’t a slip of the tongue. In an interview with Maureen Dowd, Trump took the same tack. “I’d like to hear his wife say something,” he said.

Sadly, Donald didn’t say “Take her to the zoo. I hear retards love the zoo…” and then shoot ole’ Maureen the hey-o. Which was what he really wanted to do.

Over at The Gateway Pundit they have a whole blog post on Mr. Khan, liberal ergo scumsuck. Here’s the photo that heads the takedown:

maybe khizr khan

Here you see ISIS in Iraq. Which has little to do with this particular man, Khan, so far as I know. Until about 5 minutes ago, when I clicked on the link and began laughing.

Nevertheless, with typical convoluted liberal logic, the Muslim man whose son was killed by radical Muslims in a war Trump opposed and Hillary voted for, bashed Trump for wanting to protect America from radical Muslims.

Khizr Khan refused to condemn radical Islam.

I’d like to take my shots at the Donald as well, but I always want to play fair. There are apparently Rules regarding such things now. So ahem: I HEREBY CONDEMN RADICAL CHRISTIANITY. Okay? Alright? We good? Fine: Trump sucks.

And, although Trump has spent $50 million of his own money in his campaign this year, while Hillary has spent more than $220 million of donor money to date in her campaign, Khan, has the audacity to angrily state that Trump has sacrificed ‘nothing and no one’

Bill Clinton was a draft dodger.

When a billionaire spends 1% of his net worth in order to fulfill his wildest dreams, that’s some sacrifice. Oh, the pain. I see little difference between that and, say, being eaten by a lion because you happen to believe in Jesus Christ. Or being slandered by a countrywide klavern because you happen to believe in Allah, for that matter.

Also, Trump is bashed continually every day in the media, by the press, by liberal politicians, by some members of his own party, nearly every possible political group criticizes Trump on a daily basis and yet the Muslim Khan believes Trump has sacrificed nothing.

Say what you want about Hitler, he was willing to sacrifice a career as game show host to rule a continent. Which of course is the hallmark of a man who FINK FONDA BENEDICT TRAITOR…


Jill Stein: Can you blame my jerks?

Many grateful thanks are forthwith to be offered the soothsayer and Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein.

What we know from history, and what we know from the current situation, we are seeing a rise in right-wing extremism, not just in the United States, and it’s not just Donald Trump, it’s also throughout countries in Europe.

Jew-hating Euros have gone berserk overseas, it’s true. Islam obsessives are running the tables on both sides of the pond. It’s harrowing, and depressing. Does smartypants Dr. Jill have anything to say about it?

What is driving this? It is policies like NAFTA, like globalization, like the dominance of the banks, like the Wall Street bailouts, like the Wall Street meltdown thanks to deregulation.

It was the repeal of Glass-Steagall in 1999 that turned everybody into young white males. Jill’s not just excusing her own constituency, mind you, she’s got her finger on the world’s pulse. When Congress lowered the barriers between commercial and investment banking, half-educated Southerners had no choice but to rally around the likes of Donald Trump, or Bobby Jindal, or David Duke, or some ham-handed Green candidate who would say anything to make them look thoughtful rather than your garden variety racists. The poor little crackers are victims, you see. Goldman Sachs took their IRAs and invested it in Global Crossing – what did you expect them to do?


The Magic of Trump, or the Menace, by which I mean YOU

Trump’s convention speech was remarkable in a number of ways. Mostly it was notable for its seething paranoia, but then that was to be expected. It was the campaign’s strategy to go Judge Dredd. If a few Muslims want to wipe us off the planet then it’s high time for a megalomaniac with a horse whip to step forward and save America. Baa baa, here comes the Law and Order Candidate.

That was only the new stuff, there was plenty of old Trump left to moulder on the stage. There was Crooked Hillary once again. And there was Hey are these police officers great or what? And as always there was I am very smart. Very, smart.

Nothing however was more tired than Trump again affirming he will starch and iron every American wrinkle without mentioning how he will do it. One more time, he was all-encompassing and amounted to nothing. Right down to the barrel bottom. Totally and completely bankrupt.

But let’s be fair to him, this is the con. This is his great achievement. He’s just so awesome that he’s not going to bother with little details the way other losers do. Everybody else is dumb, and incompetent, both left and right, and do you really want any more of that? Of course not. So listen to The Donald: He can solve it all, everything. He can crack a safe, no problem. He can do a back flip – what are you kidding? He can end terrorism in America, all of it and soon. C’mon, now isn’t that better? Wouldn’t you rather have somebody tell you what all the problems are AND promise to fix them? Buh-bye everyone, thanks, love you all.

And therein lies Donald’s triumph: selling dickhead as if it were a strength. He’s so self-wanking that he must somehow be kinda good, know what I mean? Get it? And if you must know – funny you asked this – yes I do all of the great things, it’s true. Really, just go ask anybody. I’m going to be the best president, I mean believe me, you won’t believe it.

White America is really lapping this up. Trump is absolutely killing them. The rubes have seen too many Stallone films, where the five-foot-eight inch hero throws a hook short of Apollo’s face and the brute still goes down. Apparently they still want to believe that shit, Sly’s white-guy Kabuki even now leaving its mark. But Donald’s campaign has pulled back the bandages on an even bigger wound of theirs: America is fuck-all stupid.

For any politician to promise that he will govern by the magical Third Way? As regards to everything? It is painfully comical, as to be devastating. Still the faithful don’t see any reason to doubt Donald Trump will eclipse all who have come before him, over these 228 years. He’s the one who will – finally – solve all America’s problems, sure. But what do you mean, HOW? And what do you mean, WHY? YOU’RE the people who have been in charge all this time. We’re not the ones who are stupid, YOU’RE the real stupids, stupid. Donald’s voters are having a moment.

Trump’s insurgent campaign rests on this, the accusation that all of the elites – the senators, and the congress, and their staffs, and all of the U.S. Presidents, Republicans and Democrats, all of them, ever – have been dumb. The evident solutions to chronic problems like crime, and unemployment, and terrorism, and a struggling economy, have always been within their reach. They were just too stupid to do any better. Nothing is ever really impossible, yet nothing has ever really been done! Sad! But it’s true, or so Trump says. Now here he is, with The Way. Here comes a man with a method salutary and sanctified.

But does anybody know what it is? Don’t ask. Don’t make that mistake. Don’t bother. Donald has no idea. The Third Way is pretty much Joseph Smith’s golden plates, something only seen by him. If it even exists it’s probably too ponderous for anybody else.

This much is clear: it does not exist outside a certain group of people. Nor has it ever revealed itself beyond a certain man’s associates, strangely. The Third Way only manifests itself after some bunch of anonymous people are hired by Donald Trump. And when they sit before him, and they are asked about things by him, and they offer their current thoughts to him, that’s when the oracle speaks. That’s when the miracle occurs. Somewhere between Him and His People is the place where The Answers take form. Hallelujah.

This is the pith of Trump’s con. It’s his entire campaign: First there is Me. Then there are My People. And…poof.

This means that, for Trump to be anything less than a joke, or, shortly, a national catastrophe, there would necessarily have to be a substantial number of remarkable people living their lives in America outside power or authority – because nobody has bothered to listen to them yet, right? – that he’ll have to recruit to conjure his Third Way. But who would this be? And who outside power or authority has ever been visible to him? He’s never cared, and why should he? Mother Mary herself could descend upon Donald in a kaleidoscope of flame and he wouldn’t piss on her. Until the Blessed Virgin reaches out and smites him with an Adare Manor gargoyle he won’t bother.

Candidate Trump is nothing more than a man sitting before a crystal ball promising to summon formidable forces from the deep – only, mind you, if you’re willing to give him what he wants. Other candidates might make a big deal about demonstrating their worthiness, but he’s not so stupid, he isn’t about to do anything so fantastic or eye-popping right now. What, are you kidding me? He’ll start the gypsy hand-waving and incantations after you make him president, of course. That you can bet on. C’mon, would he lie to you?

Yeah don’t kid yourself. It’s not like the country never noticed this guy before. Donald has forever been a tabloid twit, a late show punchline. He’s a nasty and noxious personality who believes women are his keepsakes and dollars his dick. He’ll never be anything more than a figment of his own imagination…until you decide to go and vote for him. Then President Obama will have to open the White House door, hand him the keys and the missile launch codes, and he’ll become a real nightmare.


Bullied by a bully

It was strange seeing Governor Chris Christie spending all his free time waiting on a New York billionaire. He made his reputation as a New Jersey homeboy, proud son of the lesser state, a trash talking lawyer with a nasty streak and a chip on his shoulder. He didn’t take any shit but he sure as hell dealt it, and he wasn’t about to answer any of your stupid questions okay? The act played well on the national stage. People were at long last interested in Jersey politics.

So why he would go and do this? Play footman to a Big Apple phony? Was he really so miserable? Was he really so spineless? We may never know.

While minding my own business at the Starbucks inside the Westin hotel this morning, I saw a man engage Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort in conversation about the VP selection process. The man, whom I couldn’t identify, suggested that Pence was a smart pick and Gingrich would’ve been a disaster.

“Christie was livid, right?” the man said at one point. “Yeah,” Manafort replied.

He’s completely radioactive in New Jersey. He’s a cartoon character outside of it. Latching on to an outsider presidential ticket was the only thing he had left in the world.


Welcome VP candidate Mike Pence, tobacco troofer

Donald Trump had to pick somebody to ride around on the backend of his politics baloney pony. And I don’t see any reason why it shouldn’t be much-despised dunderhead and former Indiana governor Mike Pence.

He has the brains of a goat, swallows every conspiratorial tin can the fringe tosses his way, and vomits up the remains as proof of his own cloven-hoof bona fides.

Time for a quick reality check. Despite the hysteria from the political class and the media, smoking doesn’t kill. In fact, 2 out of every three smokers does not die from a smoking related illness and 9 out of ten smokers do not contract lung cancer.

Only 1 out of 3 smokers dies of a tobacco-related disease you science nerds. Smoking doesn’t kill. Statistics in addition show waaay less than 1/3 of the soldiers who went to Iraq ended up buried there. The whole excursion might as well have been a Viking River Cruise. Why does Mike Pence have to explain everything to you?