If you were to take Victor Delta Flavius Hanson seriously, you would think it a sad and decrepit world that we live in. He asks and answers – he must - a question that sane people for some reason normally don’t bother with: Is the West Dead Yet?
The West is paradoxically dominant on the global stage and eroding from within.
For a guy who spends his days fapping over portraits of Roman generals, this is altogether surprising. But let’s not go on about Victor, let’s keep this short. Let me cut through the daunting Fresno State intellectual-ese and give you the highlights: America, sociology, Facebook, Google, pop culture, schlock, Miley Cyrus, oil, Russia, China, tattooing, piercing, immigrants, Middle East, hoi polloi, Mohammed Morsi, India, Neo-Communism, Thucydides and Aristophanes, Tacitus, Suetonius, Latino students, and the West is eroding – fast.
You can pretty much tell what he’s getting at. Nobody’s ever been better than Victor at spitting into the wind, in every direction. In my mind’s eye, I picture Legate Hanson standing in the middle of Times Square with his head slowly going ’round in circles, like one of those rain birds, hawking up loogies on Mr. and Mrs. Normal as they walk by. CAN’T YOU SEE FADING EMPIRE?
If, God forbid, Putin moves into the Baltic states, if Iran launches a nuke into Israel, if North Korea shoots chemical shells into Seoul, if China absorbs Taiwan, if, in another 9/11, a dozen 757s take down the Sears Tower, if the interest rate on a soon-to-be-$20-trillion national debt hits 7 percent, if Social Security checks start to bounce, or if Wall Street trumps its 2008 implosion…
…say goodbye to my bruh, Pliny the Elder. And I see Victor is snaking his hands down his pants again – not in public! Remember? I wonder how much of that apocalyptic frisson would linger if I pointed out that 9/11, the implosion of the economy and the shutdown of the federal government happened already – recently – thanks to Republicans. Victor himself applauded all the constructing-an-empire policies that produced those catastrophes. And it was the Democrats who turned him over and wiped his ass, gave him a lollipop and sent him on his way. Now he dreads-fantasizes the same tragedies as if providing us an historic allegory and not an indictment of his own stupidity.
And why does he do this? Because of the strange persistence of this president, and Jay Z. Clearly there’s some sort of global malady at work here:
…then Miley Cyrus will go the way of Britney Spears, Barack Obama the way of Jimmy Carter, and Black Lives Matter the way of It’s a Black Thing, You Wouldn’t Understand. Then the televised presences of Caitlin Jenner and the Kardashians would vanish as the decadent indulgences of a society that could no longer afford them.
Black Lives Matter, meet Britney Spears. What an unctuous dick. Yep, back when Reagan the Brainless was running things this was a gimlet-eyed and iron-willed country. And its historic virtues were on prominent display, in the wildly popular music of Sammy Hagar and movies of Sylvester Stallone.
Supermarket Killer: *shouting* I don’t wanna talk to you! Now you bring in the television cameras in here now! C’mon, bring ‘em in!
Marion Cobretti: Can’t do that.
Cobra: I don’t deal with psychos. I put them away.
Killer: I ain’t no psycho, man! I’m a HERO! You’re looking at a fuckin’ hunter! I’m a hero of the New World!
Cobra: You’re a disease – and I’m the cure. *throws knife in abdomen*
Suck it. And get a load of this:
Contrast that with what America looks like now. Without Bush’s War in Iraq, or his epic tax cuts/deficits, or the city of New Orleans in cadaver-appointed ruins. Now we’ve got famous transgender people, and some fatass celebrities! We’ve got the grandchildren of Sixties civil rights Negroes complaining, by the hundreds! Still! Can you believe it? Well, I know that Victor Flavius can’t. Or – what am I saying? – I know that he can, because he himself long ago un-varnished this truth about the white man’s civilization…
Bounty to boredom to decadence to panic to reawakening to ascendance has always been the cyclical way of the West. Its curse has been that the cycles of nihilism are as long as they are unnecessary.
Uhh yeah, right. SO keep a watchful eye out for Ted Cruz me droogies. One of these days he’ll grab Miley Cyrus by the scruff of the neck and cast her upon the ash-heap of history. This is not a surreal un-reality so puzzling as to be nihilism, defined.