This too is also bad

It looks as if Our World is coming apart.

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It’s becoming senseless. And violent.

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Turning into a nightmare.

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Like a Balkan war. I’m not sure we can go on living like this. Can’t we go back to the way it used to be?

Your police force cannot wrongly shoot you.

It just doesn’t happen. Well, deadly police shootings do happen in Houston at an average of one every three weeks. But none of them is inappropriate. Every shooting by a Houston Police Department officer is investigated by HPD’s Internal Affairs and Homicide divisions. Between 2007 and 2012, according to HPD records, officers killed citizens in 109 shootings. Every killing was ruled justified.

The 112 instances of an officer shooting and injuring a person were justified, too.

So were the 104 times an officer wounded an animal, and the 225 times an officer killed an animal.

…where we didn’t have to wonder about street justice? Or neighborhood vigilantes? Remember the days when we never questioned what the hell the cops were doing, and why? *cough*

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How to hate Stephen Colbert without really trying

An American satirist bids goodbye to his TV show. This occasions Assrocket to give you the long view.

I have never seen Stephen Colbert’s show on Comedy Central, but I take it that it consists of an endless series of anti-Republican “jokes.”

Not that never-seeing his act will get in the way.

If asked, would Colbert admit to being a loyal Democratic Party foot soldier, or would he claim to be a stubbornly independent sort who socks it to both sides? I don’t know, but the Democrats aren’t in any doubt. Yesterday the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee sent this email to the party faithful;

thanks stephen

That was followed by a link to an official Democratic Party web page called “Thank You Stephen Colbert!”

Well there’s nothing more to say now, it’s all over people. Everyone turn in your decoder rings.

…I guess the Democrats have known all along that Colbert’s show was an hour-long commercial for their party and its candidates.

The point being, I take it, that American entertainers should always play fair. It would be entirely patriotic to get hired for, say, a sitcom and play some Broad Comedy. Jim Nabors was one hell of a talent for example (ever seen him sing? *whistle*). It’s however altogether different when you’re stooping to take part in a media conspiracy. Any liberal with a Hotmail account can just e-mail Howard Dean and get set up with his or her own cable show. And when the Hollywood manipulators are of Clinton-quality, of course you can rack up a few seasons. Maybe even nine years – so what?

Shouldn’t it be a crime?

I am not in favor of restricting anyone’s right to free speech, but if federal law is going to bar a businessman from contributing enough to buy more than a minimal amount of television time on behalf of his party or his candidates, why shouldn’t Stephen Colbert and Comedy Central be prohibited from airing millions of dollars worth of pro-Democratic Party propaganda?

And we’ve seen this before. How much cash did the Johnson administration funnel into Columbia Records? How many Bob Dylan records did they buy before the whole ruse was exposed?

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If you see Scott Stapp riding around on a bike…

…please tackle him.

Scott Stapp threatened to assassinate President Obama… and his alarmed wife and sister-in-law made a desperate 911 call to stop him.

Hear the sirens, America? We have to stop Creed’s lead singer from assassinating the president.

Scott had just gone AWOL from a mental facility late last month, when his sister-in-law told the 911 dispatcher he was cruising around his neighborhood, shirtless on a bicycle. She says the former Creed frontman claimed to be a CIA agent and his mission was to kill Obama.

For the Love Of God. Suggestions?

Jaclyn Stapp, Scott’s wife, joins the 40-minute 911 call, telling the dispatcher Scott had printed out 400 – 600 pages of CIA documents which he supposedly found online, put them in a book bag and took off on his bike.

The 2 women were pleading with the dispatcher to snare Scott and take him back to the psych ward.

Yes, that. To the asylum mooks, with the long black gloves: Please do “snare Scott and take him back to the psych ward.” That’d be fine. Meanwhile everybody carry a stick with you at all times. And when Scott on his bike comes anywhere near you jam it in his spokes. Take that, Lee Harvey Douchewald.

As cops were dispatched, Scott placed his own 911 call, saying his wife had stolen his truck and that’s why he was on a bike.

Semper vigilans.

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Of course people are born gay

Get this.

Identical twins have the same genes or DNA. They are nurtured in equal prenatal conditions. If homosexuality is caused by genetics or prenatal conditions and one twin is gay, the co-twin should also be gay … because identical twins are always genetically identical, homosexuality cannot be genetically dictated. No-one is born gay.

To drive the point home the Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays put up a billboard in Richmond.

anti-gay billboard

Well what about it, people? Are gay men sissified by choice? And a burning love for Satan? Or is there something behind all the shenanigans? Might something come into play before a homosexual’s dirty free will to influence his behavior? Could it be biology? That’s a good question.

Let’s get right to PFOX’s argument. The identical twin of a gay man isn’t always gay. This is true.

In 2000 Bailey, Dunne and Martin studied a larger sample of 4,901 Australian twins… They found 20% concordance in the male identical or MZ twins and 24% concordance for the female identical or MZ twins. Self reported zygosity, sexual attraction, fantasy and behaviours were assessed by questionnaire and zygosity was serologically checked when in doubt. A meta-study by Hershberger (2001)[6] compares the results of eight different twin studies: among those, all but two showed MZ twins having much higher concordance of sexual orientation than DZ twins, suggesting a non-negligible genetic component.

The odds of an identical twin also being gay are not 100%. The odds are closer to 20%. Unfortunately…

Chandra, Mosher, Copen, and Sionean (2011)

Data collected from a national sample of 13,495 men and women between 2006 and 2008. The study attempted to differentiate between sexual attraction, sexual behavior, and sexual identity. The percentage reporting their sexual identity as homosexual ranged from 2% to 4% of males, and about 1% to 2% of females.

…the incidence of random male homosexuality in the population is only around three percent. Which means when your twin is gay you’re seven times more likely to be gay as well. I’d say the data weigh in against PFOX. You might not be as tall as your dad but your height is certainly influenced by his DNA, for example. The facts suggest that genetics plays a crucial, though not definitive, role. Then there’s this:

Blanchard and Klassen (1997) reported that each additional older brother increases the odds of a man being gay by 33%.[24][25] This is now “one of the most reliable epidemiological variables ever identified in the study of sexual orientation.”[26] To explain this finding, it has been proposed that male fetuses provoke a maternal immune reaction that becomes stronger with each successive male fetus.

If you’re a first-born male, your odds of being homosexual are around three percent. Second born? Four percent. Third born? Five percent. The more older brothers you have, the more likely you’ll be gay. If you want to mis-interpret these facts and pretend that the teasing or bullying of an older brother encourages the queer, you’re out of luck. There are no data to suggest that younger bullies turn older brothers gay. Which would have fit PFOX’s agenda beautifully, don’t you think? A sissypants theory of general sexual biology.

There are also fascinating studies on the epigenetics of homosexuality, specifically related to the process of X-chromosome inactivation. And of course there’s the 20 year-old study on the structure of the hypothalamus in homosexual men. Taking this all in, complicated as it is, there’s only one thing we can say with a bit of confidence: Some men are born gay. Maybe not all of them, but a lot of them. Now, time for recess:

The South African man featured on an antigay billboard in Richmond, Virginia spoke up Thursday saying that he himself is gay and that he does not agree with the billboard’s message.

The ‘twins’ that PFOX featured on the billboard are, of course, homosexual.

Roux said that not only is he not a twin, he is an “out and proud gay man.”

“I was obviously quite shocked, so that why I decided to send you guys an email saying hey, I’m that guy in that billboard,” he wrote to Channel 12.

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Legendary rock n’ roll failure to America: You’re doing it wrong.

Scott Stapp, lead singer of the worst rock band in Earth’s long and glorious history, is apparently broke. Hungry. Destitute. And living in his truck down by the river. And it’s just now come to his attention that you’re a stupid with a stupid head and your stupid head doesn’t love Jesus the way that he does. Which is the reason why Stay n’ Wash can’t really get out those tough greasy stains, or the reason why America is dying a harrowing spiritual death.

In a rambling video previously posted to his Facebook page, Scott Stapp — former lead singer of the band Creed — lamented the “soul sickness” that pervades America “because God has been removed out of American culture and relegated to churches.”

You might recall, in 1999, back when Scott could get his blowjobs videotaped, or back when Scott could get a blowjob, how America had been forced into praying to Scott’s God on a daily basis at school, or at work, or while listening to the worst crap anyone had ever heard on the radio. But not nowadays. Not now that everything is different. And not in some whatever trivial ‘I have no money and I just drove my truck into a river’ sort of way. In a REAL country-wide sort of way:

“We’ve taken God out of everything , we won’t allow our kids to pray to Christ or God in our public schools, but we sure will make allowances for Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists to have their freedom of religion, ” he said. “So we take Christianity out but then we inundate our children’s minds with the freedom of religion for everybody else. I mean, we’re humans, we’re made up of body, mind and soul.”

I mean if Freedom of Religion doesn’t require Christianity for everyone, what about us, the humans? What about our souls, man? These are fascinating questions, for which I have no answers.

Stapp continued, “Right now, we’ve got a generation of children and people all the way up into their forties who have a complete soul sickness because God has been removed out of American culture and relegated to churches. Except it’s printed on our money, because what I’m starting to realize is that’s really what’s become the God of America: money.”

This money-god thing being the reason why Scott doesn’t mind at all that he’s bankrupt and living in a rusty ’83 Ford F150 down by the river, and he hates fishing. Oh but No. Rather what I meant to say was that he’s completely obsessed with getting his millions of stolen rock n’ roll dollars back from that damned ten-penny grifter. You know, the nice-enough guy who had the gall to ask ‘Hey man what’s that behind you?’ and then fly Scott’s former life off to Brazil. Where the con-man and Scott’s former life now live in a hotel penthouse and do it doggystyle all day, while they listen to Nickelback. And while they spend Scott’s money eating Scott’s shrimp cocktail and they laugh. OH how they laugh. The end.

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Shia LaBeouf claims he was raped

Oh Really?

The actor Shia LaBeouf has claimed a woman raped him during the performance of his one-man art piece #IAMSORRY earlier this year.

Speaking to Dazed magazine in an email interview, he wrote: “One woman who came with her boyfriend, who was outside the door when this happened, whipped my legs for 10 minutes and then stripped my clothing and proceeded to rape me.”

Pity an actor dedicated to his craft. He ends up getting quietly raped in a solo art gallery show.

#IAMSORRY consisted of LaBeouf sitting silently with a paper bag on his head, bearing the legend “I am not famous anymore” – members of the public queued to be able to sit in front of him in the one-on-one piece. It ran for five days in February at a Los Angeles gallery.

Maybe talking about the nightmare will serve a greater purpose. Perhaps chatting about it online with Dazed magazine will begin to ease the pain. We can only hope.

LaBeouf said that news of the incident “travelled through the line” of people waiting, and reached LaBeouf’s girlfriend. “When she came in she asked for an explanation, and I couldn’t speak, so we both sat with this unexplained trauma silently. It was painful.”

These are the dirty little secrets that Hollywood’s leading men have been hiding for years. Between the million dollar paychecks there are the dreadful sexual assaults they’re helpless to prevent because they’re stuck in an art gallery at the time, wearing a paper bag over their head so they can whine about fame. And after the minutes-long crotch defiling Shia…still…couldn’t speak. All he could do was sit with his fabulous girlfriend and his unexplained trauma in sad repose. Because #IAMSORRY. And also #ACTING. You ask me, I’ll tell you that Christ was ultimately a tragic figure because he needed to stay in character at all times. And because even though his girlfriend sometimes got upset, he never ever called the cops. I didn’t think it was possible to rape the crime of ‘rape’, but I think this douche just did it.


More, from People magazine:

“One woman who came with her boyfriend, who was outside the door when this happened, whipped my legs for 10 minutes and then stripped my clothing and proceeded to rape me … There were hundreds of people in line when she walked out with disheveled hair and smudged lipstick. It was no good, not just for me but her man as well,” he writes of the incident.

LaBeouf says things got even worse when he realized that his girlfriend, fellow Nymphomaniac actress Mia Goth, was waiting in line to see him when the assault took place.

“On top of that my girl was in line to see me, because it was Valentine’s Day and I was living in the gallery for the duration of the event – we were separated for five days, no communication. So it really hurt her as well, as I guess the news of it traveled through the line. When she came in she asked for an explanation, and I couldn’t speak, so we both sat with this unexplained trauma silently. It was painful.”

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Conservatives and Comedy Autism: The Ebola edition

Why aren’t conservatives funny? Why can’t they do comedy? Why are their political cartoons utterly senseless and mysterious stabs at satire? I don’t know. But it fascinates me.

I’ve been posting them here for five years. The misspelled word, the mixed metaphor, the forsaken simile, these are the robust tools of the men and women who make their living drawing cartoons for the likes of the Washington Times and Townhall.com. What’s astounding is that apparently large numbers of human beings find these things entertaining.

So, now that our EBOLA! epidemic has run its course, and we’re done burying all the bodies, let’s take a look at how the yukmeisters portrayed the crisis. Couldn’t we use a coupla laffs right now? In between all the memorials and tears? Sure.

Remember when no one yet knew how bad it was gonna be?

atoon3

Those were the days. I remember seeing this cartoon and thinking…’Oh crap. We’re in real trouble.’

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Then there were all the fools who said it couldn’t possibly get any worse than, say, the cost of living. Fancy Moses, I bet they’re embarrassed.

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Take a minute, and think about all of your neighbors who were killed by Vladimir Putin, ISIS, or the Secret Service in 2014 (if that’s possible). Then think about this: The Ebola pandemic was even worse than all of that. This drawing is an accurate snapshot of the conservative zombie-mind cerca, oh, 30 days ago. Feel free to update it by erasing ‘Ebola’ and penciling in ‘Immigration.’

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To my thinking the little Texan isn’t just a fair representation of millions of poor kids living in backwards towns across the country. It’s also a pretty good likeness of any Republican who ran for office in 2014. Scott Brown, thoughts of you.

Remember the Obama administration’s stubborn stance on Ebola? How very careless and dangerous.
(more…)

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Farewell Jose’s finger

Before you go and shoot one of your body parts off – and I realize there are a lot of you, I know – here’s something to keep in mind. The list of ready replacements is a short one indeed. Barring that limited option there’s only so much that modern science can do for you. Those delicate little blood vessels can be a bitch to re-attach.

Here it was

jose's smelly finger

…but like a crusty band-aid, it just fell off. Cheers to you Jose’s smelly finger, you had a good run.

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Biology class demands your best manners, madame

While I think learning biology can make a teenager wise and sophisticated, if not unfailingly sexy and charming, I don’t believe the subject extends itself into every aspect of life. There’s no need, for example, to have a local surgeon carry out a large bowel resection before the classroom. Yes the oozing guts will be a fabulous example of ‘biology’. But the unconscious student will fail to see the point.

BOISE, Idaho (AP) – An Idaho biology teacher is facing possible disciplinary action after killing and skinning a rabbit in class to show students where their food comes from…

The rabbit was then skinned and cut up in front of the 10th graders

Westfall says the demonstration isn’t part of the biology curriculum….

The teacher’s name hasn’t been released.

Except at the molecular level, pretty much everything mammals do with food is disgusting. Let’s not bring a cart ox into class and have it defecate on the floor. Let’s not demonstrate ‘where the food goes.’ Much of high school biology is necessarily a delicate farce.

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I could watch this Chopra v. Dawkins thing all night

Deepak Chopra cannot leave evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins alone. Probably because the scientist so easily dispenses with the boson-blather of Owwmmm The Deepak, a spiritual force so formidable it can only live entirely up its own ass.

“[Dawkins] antagonizes people. By the way, I didn’t invent the word ‘militant atheism,’” Chopra replied. “He uses that expression to describe himself, and says if you’re not a militant atheist, you’re stupid.”

Dawkins never once said that. But it’s possible that he thought it, and Deepak Owwmmm perceived it via quantum Blue Tooth. Who are we to wonder, but in awe?

As Dawkins frequently derides Chopra’s act as mystical quackery, the bodhisattva has responded by calling the Oxford professor a cheapshotter, an egotist, a fundamentalist, a bigot, an adolescent, a not-credible scientist, a bad scientist, a poor scientist, and a crap scientist. Which is an odd thing, to say the least, to hear from a self-help author about a peer-reviewed biologist. But let’s give Deepak some leeway here, shall we? Let us contemplate his latest dissection of All Reality:

“[Dawkins'] version of reality is what we call ‘empirical reality’ — if you can see it it’s real, if you can’t see it it’s not real. But we know you can’t see your thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, creativity, choice and they’re real. Your inner world is real.”

“In the book,” Chopra said, “I talk about the ‘visible domain,’ then the ‘subtle domain’ — which is the rich, inner world that you experience — and then something that transcends even that, a ‘non-local domain’ which is the source.”

“So, [Dawkins] version of reality is called ‘naive realism.’ He has no idea of what reality is.”

So if you’re the type to deny – or merely be confounded by – the visible domain, the subtle domain, and the transcendent source now defined as the non-local domain, then you’re but a naive realist. Oh dear heavens. You have “no idea of what reality is.” I’m afraid this puts Dawkins squarely in the dunce’s corner.

By the way you might want to buy these:

I want to know why it is that he so brazenly makes money off of inner peace and science with cheesy products, like $300 DreamWeaver glasses that emit light and sounds to induce sleep states.

“I put everything I earn into good use,” he says. “How can I apologize for that? Does Tom Clancy apologize for his books?”…

“If anyone should complain, it should be the people who come to the Center, and they don’t,” he says. And those DreamWeavers are good science, Chopra adds.

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You sing a little Creedence, they point the cannon at you

It seems that yesterday’s Concert For Valor was not just a giant holiday rock concert but a call to arms for the 101st Chairborne as well. When bleedinghearts like Bruce Springsteen, Dave Grohl and, well, any rapper get somewhere near the Marines, it’s apparently time to fix bayonets and start charging:

Perhaps we should expect no less during the Obama administration, but a Veterans Day event on the National Mall was marred when artist Bruce Springsteen and other notable musicians decided to play an iconic anti-military song.

In The Navy? First guess.

The song, not to put too fine a point on it, is an anti-war screed, taking shots at “the red white and blue.” It was a particularly terrible choice given that Fortunate Son is, moreover, an anti-draft song, and this concert was largely organized to honor those who volunteered to fight in Afghanistan and Iraq.

If you think CCR’s Fortunate Son bashes the military, or potshots “the red white and blue”, you might try listening to it. Hearing the song for the first time in the midst of a Hannity fugue-rage makes for poor comprehension.

Some folks are born made to wave the flag
Ooh, they’re red, white and blue
And when the band plays “Hail to the Chief”
Oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord

It ain’t me, it ain’t me
I ain’t no Senator’s son
It ain’t me, it ain’t me
I ain’t no fortunate one, no

The gist of this is clear enough. The politically powerful will start the war but you, poor schlub, will have to fight it. Let’s go to the source:

John Fogerty and Doug Clifford were both drafted in 1966 and discharged from the army in 1967. “The song speaks more to the unfairness of class than war itself,” Fogerty said. “It’s the old saying about rich men making war and poor men having to fight them.”

This is a timeless truth of modern America. Rich men start wars, poor men fight and die in them. In post-modern times, women get to die in them too.

When interviewed by Rolling Stone magazine, John Fogerty was once asked: “What inspired ‘Fortunate Son’?” His response: “Julie Nixon was hanging around with David Eisenhower, and you just had the feeling that none of these people were going to be involved with the war.”

John was exactly right. He’s still right today. Look at the list of people who refused to fight in Vietnam, whose children refuse to fight today. And as to the song being anti-draft, let’s remember that Dick Cheney was drafted five times but never ended up in Vietnam. It’s not about how the government operates per se, it’s about how class does.

And you know who knows this best? The people who ended up doing the armed bidding of the wealthy and cowardly. The Americans who volunteer to fight in our wars but are not powerful, not well-heeled nor well-connected. They’re not even middle class. They’re our working stiffs and our poor. The veterans know it so well that they don’t need a thesaurus and a lyrics sheet to get the point:

Some folks are born silver spoon in hand
Lord, don’t they help themselves, oh
But when the tax men come to the door
Lord, the house look a like a rummage sale, yes

The 24-karat graspers who cheat their taxes aren’t about to let one of their children join the Marines. Certainly not while there’s a war on. Mitt Romney, we’re looking at you.

Yeah, some folks inherit star spangled eyes
Ooh, they send you down to war, Lord
And when you ask them, “How much should we give?”
Oh, they only answer, more, more, more, oh

George W. Bush went AWOL on the Alabama National Guard during the Vietnam War. Thirty-something years later he deployed National Guardsmen under his command to the War in Iraq – then frequently rotated them back again for a second tour of duty. Or for a third. Many of them were killed. This is not lost on anybody who was there.

It would be one thing to complain about the concert performance if the holiday were ‘Federal Armed Services Day.’ Then we’d be talking about the government’s history as much as we were the soldiers and sailors. But it’s Veterans Day. It’s meant to celebrate people, not bureaucracies. It’s a day to take stock of what these citizens went through, and fathom the depths of their sacrifices. To ignore that a good many of those sacrifices were engineered by design, as a means to save the wealthy and well connected from the dangers of war, is to put the lie to what we know about military service in America.

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Historic moments in investigative journalism

Breitbart with the Big Scoop:

loretta lynch clinton crony

A Clinton crony! You thought you could just sneak her past us, but we did our homework. We’re all, like, investimagative journaloozm bitchez.

New York federal prosecutor Loretta Lynch, the new nominee for attorney general, has a career filled with high profile cases — and she was a member of Bill Clinton’s defense team during the 1992 Whitewater corruption probe.

WHITEWATER

Indeed, the prosecutor has a long career built of some high profile cases but there is one case Lynch was involved in that few are talking about. Lynch was a part of Bill Clinton’s Whitewater probe defense team in 1992.

Few were talking about it, and that’s when we knew. You reek Lynch. You’re done for, outta here, pack your bags.

The probe was widened to look into the failure of the Madison Guaranty Savings and Loan to which it was connected. Eventually the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission won several convictions handing jail time to the McDougals as well as Arkansas Governor Jim Guy Tucker.

The Clintons escaped any convictions in the probe.

Maybe Peckerwood Bill got off scot-free, but you won’t Madame. We’re all over your double-dealing back-handed soft-shoe…huh? What’s that? Oh I see. I suppose we’ll have to pin a note to the tail of the bombshell. You know, to be fair.

Correction: The Loretta Lynch identified earlier as the Whitewater attorney was, in fact, a different attorney.

Never mind everybody. And, to boot: She was not…a different attorney. She was, in fact, a different attorney. Serves us right to get into it with rocket scientists. Me: She was, in mythology, a different attorney! Breitbart: You idiot. She was, in fact, a different attorney. Me: OH. Don’t I feel silly.

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