Conservatives and Comedy Autism: The Ebola edition

Why aren’t conservatives funny? Why can’t they do comedy? Why are their political cartoons utterly senseless and mysterious stabs at satire? I don’t know. But it fascinates me.

I’ve been posting them here for five years. The misspelled word, the mixed metaphor, the forsaken simile, these are the robust tools of the men and women who make their living drawing cartoons for the likes of the Washington Times and Townhall.com. What’s astounding is that apparently large numbers of human beings find these things entertaining.

So, now that our EBOLA! epidemic has run its course, and we’re done burying all the bodies, let’s take a look at how the yukmeisters portrayed the crisis. Couldn’t we use a coupla laffs right now? In between all the memorials and tears? Sure.

Remember when no one yet knew how bad it was gonna be?

atoon3

Those were the days. I remember seeing this cartoon and thinking…’Oh crap. We’re in real trouble.’

atoon16

Then there were all the fools who said it couldn’t possibly get any worse than, say, the cost of living. Fancy Moses, I bet they’re embarrassed.

atoon20

Take a minute, and think about all your former neighbors who were killed by Vladimir Putin, ISIS, or the Secret Service in 2014 (if that’s possible). Then think about this: The Ebola pandemic ended up being worse than all of that. This drawing is an accurate snapshot of the conservative zombie-mind cerca, oh, 30 days ago. Feel free to update it by erasing ‘Ebola’ and penciling in ‘Immigration.’

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To my thinking the little Texan isn’t just a fair representation of millions of poor kids living in backwards towns across the country. It’s also a pretty good likeness of any Republican who ran for office in 2014. Scott Brown, thoughts of you.

Remember the Obama administration’s stubborn stance on Ebola? How very careless and dangerous.
(more…)

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Farewell Jose’s finger

Before you go and shoot one of your body parts off – and I realize there are a lot of you, I know – here’s something to keep in mind. The list of ready replacements is a short one indeed. Barring that limited option there’s only so much that modern science can do for you. Those delicate little blood vessels can be a bitch to re-attach.

Here it was

jose's smelly finger

…but like a crusty band-aid, it just fell off. Cheers to you Jose’s smelly finger, you had a good run.

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Biology class demands your best manners, madame

While I think learning biology can make a teenager wise and sophisticated, if not unfailingly sexy and charming, I don’t believe the subject extends itself into every aspect of life. There’s no need, for example, to have a local surgeon carry out a large bowel resection before the classroom. Yes the oozing guts will be a fabulous example of ‘biology’. But the unconscious student will fail to see the point.

BOISE, Idaho (AP) – An Idaho biology teacher is facing possible disciplinary action after killing and skinning a rabbit in class to show students where their food comes from…

The rabbit was then skinned and cut up in front of the 10th graders

Westfall says the demonstration isn’t part of the biology curriculum….

The teacher’s name hasn’t been released.

Except at the molecular level, pretty much everything mammals do with food is disgusting. Let’s not bring a musk ox into class and have it defecate on the floor. Let’s not demonstrate ‘where the food goes.’ Much of high school biology is necessarily a delicate farce.

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I could watch this Chopra v. Dawkins thing all night

Deepak Chopra cannot leave evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins alone. Probably because the scientist so easily dispenses with the boson-blather of Owwmmm The Deepak, a spiritual force so formidable it can only live entirely up its own ass.

“[Dawkins] antagonizes people. By the way, I didn’t invent the word ‘militant atheism,’” Chopra replied. “He uses that expression to describe himself, and says if you’re not a militant atheist, you’re stupid.”

Dawkins never once said that. But it’s possible that he thought it, and Deepak Owwmmm perceived the insult via quantum Blue Tooth. Who are we to wonder, but in awe?

As Dawkins frequently derides Chopra’s act as mystical quackery, the physicist-bodhisattva has responded by calling the Oxford professor a cheapshotter, an egotist, a fundamentalist, a bigot, an adolescent, a not-credible scientist, a bad scientist, a poor scientist, and a crap scientist. Which is an odd thing, to say the least, to hear from a self-help author about a peer-reviewed biologist. But let’s give Deepak some leeway here, shall we? Let us contemplate his latest dissection of All Reality:

“[Dawkins'] version of reality is what we call ‘empirical reality’ — if you can see it it’s real, if you can’t see it it’s not real. But we know you can’t see your thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, creativity, choice and they’re real. Your inner world is real.”

“In the book,” Chopra said, “I talk about the ‘visible domain,’ then the ‘subtle domain’ — which is the rich, inner world that you experience — and then something that transcends even that, a ‘non-local domain’ which is the source.”

“So, [Dawkins] version of reality is called ‘naive realism.’ He has no idea of what reality is.”

So if you’re the type to deny – or merely be confounded by – the visible domain, the subtle domain, and the transcendent source now defined as the non-local domain, then you’re but a naive realist. Oh dear heavens. You have “no idea of what reality is.” I’m afraid this puts Dawkins squarely in the dunce’s corner.

By the way you might want to buy these:

I want to know why it is that he so brazenly makes money off of inner peace and science with cheesy products, like $300 DreamWeaver glasses that emit light and sounds to induce sleep states.

“I put everything I earn into good use,” he says. “How can I apologize for that? Does Tom Clancy apologize for his books?”…

“If anyone should complain, it should be the people who come to the Center, and they don’t,” he says. And those DreamWeavers are good science, Chopra adds.

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You sing a little Creedence, they point the cannon at you

It seems that yesterday’s Concert For Valor was not just a giant holiday rock concert but a call to arms for the 101st Chairborne as well. When bleedinghearts like Bruce Springsteen, Dave Grohl and, well, any rapper get somewhere near the Marines, it’s apparently time to fix bayonets and start charging:

Perhaps we should expect no less during the Obama administration, but a Veterans Day event on the National Mall was marred when artist Bruce Springsteen and other notable musicians decided to play an iconic anti-military song.

“In The Navy”? First guess.

The song, not to put too fine a point on it, is an anti-war screed, taking shots at “the red white and blue.” It was a particularly terrible choice given that Fortunate Son is, moreover, an anti-draft song, and this concert was largely organized to honor those who volunteered to fight in Afghanistan and Iraq.

If you think CCR’s Fortunate Son bashes the military, or potshots “the red white and blue”, you might try listening to it. Hearing the song for the first time in the midst of a Hannity fugue-rage makes for poor comprehension.

Some folks are born made to wave the flag
Ooh, they’re red, white and blue
And when the band plays “Hail to the Chief”
Oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord

It ain’t me, it ain’t me
I ain’t no Senator’s son
It ain’t me, it ain’t me
I ain’t no fortunate one, no

The gist of this is clear enough. The politically powerful will start the war but you, poor schlub, will have to fight it. Let’s go to the source:

John Fogerty and Doug Clifford were both drafted in 1966 and discharged from the army in 1967. “The song speaks more to the unfairness of class than war itself,” Fogerty said. “It’s the old saying about rich men making war and poor men having to fight them.”

This is a timeless truth of modern America. Rich men start wars, poor men fight and die in them. In post-modern times, women get to die in them too.

When interviewed by Rolling Stone magazine, John Fogerty was once asked: “What inspired ‘Fortunate Son’?” His response: “Julie Nixon was hanging around with David Eisenhower, and you just had the feeling that none of these people were going to be involved with the war.”

John was exactly right. He’s still right today. Look at the list of people who refused to fight in Vietnam, whose children refuse to fight today. And as to the song being anti-draft, let’s remember that Dick Cheney was drafted five times but never ended up in Vietnam. It’s not about how the government operates per se, it’s about how class does.

And you know who knows this best? The people who ended up doing the armed bidding of the wealthy and cowardly. The Americans who volunteer to fight in our wars but are not powerful, not well-heeled nor well-connected. They’re not even middle class. They’re our working stiffs and our poor. The veterans know it so well that they don’t need a thesaurus and a lyrics sheet to get the point:

Some folks are born silver spoon in hand
Lord, don’t they help themselves, oh
But when the tax men come to the door
Lord, the house look a like a rummage sale, yes

The 24-karat graspers who cheat their taxes aren’t about to let one of their children join the Marines. Certainly not while there’s a war on. Mitt Romney, we’re looking at you.

Yeah, some folks inherit star spangled eyes
Ooh, they send you down to war, Lord
And when you ask them, “How much should we give?”
Oh, they only answer, more, more, more, oh

George W. Bush went AWOL on the Alabama National Guard during the Vietnam War. Thirty-something years later he deployed National Guardsmen under his command to the War in Iraq – then frequently rotated them back again for a second tour of duty. Or for a third. Many of them were killed. This is not lost on anybody who was there.

It would be one thing to complain about the concert performance if the holiday were ‘Federal Armed Services Day.’ Then we’d be talking about the government’s history as much as we were the soldiers and sailors. But it’s Veterans Day. It’s meant to celebrate people, not bureaucracies. It’s a day to take stock of what these citizens went through, and fathom the depths of their sacrifices. To ignore that a good many of those sacrifices were engineered by design, as a means to save the wealthy and well connected from the dangers of war, is to put the lie to what we know about military service in America.

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Historic moments in investigative journalism

Breitbart with the Big Scoop:

loretta lynch clinton crony

A Clinton crony! You thought you could just sneak her past us, but we did our homework. We’re all, like, investimagative journaloozm bitchez.

New York federal prosecutor Loretta Lynch, the new nominee for attorney general, has a career filled with high profile cases — and she was a member of Bill Clinton’s defense team during the 1992 Whitewater corruption probe.

WHITEWATER

Indeed, the prosecutor has a long career built of some high profile cases but there is one case Lynch was involved in that few are talking about. Lynch was a part of Bill Clinton’s Whitewater probe defense team in 1992.

Few were talking about it, and that’s when we knew. You reek Lynch. You’re done for, outta here, pack your bags.

The probe was widened to look into the failure of the Madison Guaranty Savings and Loan to which it was connected. Eventually the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission won several convictions handing jail time to the McDougals as well as Arkansas Governor Jim Guy Tucker.

The Clintons escaped any convictions in the probe.

Maybe Peckerwood Bill got off scot-free, but you won’t Madame. We’re all over your double-dealing honey-dripping back-handed soft-shoe…huh? What’s that? Oh I see. I suppose we’ll have to pin a note to the tail of the bombshell. You know, to be fair.

Correction: The Loretta Lynch identified earlier as the Whitewater attorney was, in fact, a different attorney.

Never mind everybody. And, to boot: She was not…a different attorney. She was, in fact, a different attorney. Serves us right to get into it with rocket scientists. Me: She was, in mythology, a different attorney! Breitbart: You idiot. She was, in fact, a different attorney. Me: OH. Don’t I feel silly.

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What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again…

…there is nothing new under the sun.

We knew the midterms were going to be bad but that was worse. When a god-bothering terrorist like Sam Brownback can impose ‘revolutionary’ far-right policies on Kansas government, blow an Arctic-ozone sized hole in the budget, leave the state staggering in its ability to survive without shutting down its vital services, and win re-election by 3 points you know that the political system is a joke. He should be left to bleed in a stockade, but instead he’s got four more years to turn his fraction of America into Burma.

Then again there are some things you can laugh at. Republican hubris.

House Republicans have swelled their majority to at least 243 and are on track for more pickups that would give them the biggest House majority since the Truman administration more than sixty years ago.

Congratulations are in order. Hooray Taliban.

Rep. Greg Walden of Oregon, the chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee, proclaimed Wednesday that Republicans may have built a “hundred-year majority” in the House.

“We’re back to a majority as big as any of us have seen in our lifetimes. It may be a hundred-year majority,” he said.

Why not? It’s not like there’ll be, oh, fifty changes to the institution by then. It’s not like the country’s political winds are as capricious as its tastes for fashion, or high art.

Being someone whose written about this stuff for a few years, I can tell you these eyewitness accounts of the Death of Liberalism are hilariously predictable. Conservatives don’t see us as equals but as cancers, so every time the polls turn around they find it edifying to tell everybody the radiation is finally hitting its mark. It’s only a matter of some minor surgery now, folks. Here was Charles Krauthammer last year, while the government’s healthcare exchanges were still struggling:

“Obamacare is the big thing for them. The biggest in a hundred years.”

Yeah, so?

“We have not just Obamacare unraveling, not just the Obama administration unraveling, not just the Democratic majority of the Senate [unraveling], but we could be looking at the collapse of American liberalism,” Krauthammer told Bill O’Reilly Tuesday.

But instead of my becoming a great fan of Rick Santorum, Obamacare survived. Politically, and in reality. It worked, and millions of people got to see a doctor. Has anyone informed Krauthammer that it was HE in 2013 who expired from incompetence? No – Chuck is allowed to go on scything crop circles because the rubes still thrill at the very sight. And because, just as assuredly, there are millions of people who still believe Obama’s birth certificate was a photoshop job just this side of Jane Fonda braiding Castro’s beard.

It has never occurred to them – and it never will – that liberalism is made up of people, rather than impulses. As if 100 million Americans could just stop being decent human beings overnight. Sure the Southern Baptists are capable of doing that – at the drop of a letter – but we aren’t. It’s projection as self-betrayal, rather than indictment.

The last time we got ‘shellacked’ it was Newt Gingrich there with a razor scalpel.

In 1972 the left was decisively repudiated. In 1980 the left carried as many states for president as Herbert Hoover in 1932. In 1984 the left carried only one state for president. In 1994 the left was rejected as Republicans won control of the House for the first time in 40 years.

His point being that Americans are fickle. No?

The great victories of 2009 and 2010 are only the beginning. The elections of 2011 and 2012 must create a Republican majority large enough and durable enough to replace the increasingly leftist political system which has dominated America since 1932.

His point being that tumors sometimes grow back. But not this time.

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The ugly truth, only scented and tailor-made

Hanna Rosin, culture minster.

On Tuesday, Slate and everyone else posted a video of a woman who is harassed more than 100 times by men as she walks around New York City for 10 hours.

Yeah I saw it. You all posted it? Nope, neither did I. But you know how all us blog-jerks are, jerks.

Last time this place featured the hector Rosin she’d just put out a piece (and a book) debuting ‘The End Of Men.’ I could go on about this fascinating topic but for the fact that I did recently, as predicted, die. So for the spirit of the thing we’re only left with Rosin:

How do I know men are finished? I’ll read you a quote that says it all: “Yes. There have been times when I’ve been in a drunken stupor.”

Hint: This is a quote from the mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford. As far as crack addicts go, talking about themselves, and somehow tapping into the pith of MAN, it really “says it all.”

But in order to win this debate we have to prove that men, quote unquote, as we’ve historically come to define them — entitled to power, destined for leadership, arrogant, confused by anything that isn’t them. As in: “I don’t understand. Is it a guy dressed up like a girl? Or a girl dressed up like a guy?” They are obsolete.

So ta-ta, we bid farewell to ourselves. Later dude. And neither I nor any other agent – forget the English language, ignore the Sphinx, certainly don’t bother Hanna Rosin – can make it any easier for you to understand why. But if you like we can try to tackle something less mysterious, like that video. Okay?

More specifically, it’s a video of a young white woman who is harassed by mostly black and Latino men as she walks around New York City for 10 hours.

I couldn’t tell if she was Latina or white or Jewish. I was only watching the poor woman make a go of it. The point I got was that a woman can’t go walking the streets without receiving a shower of verbal inducements and harassments. If you thought telemarketers were bad, this is much much worse. No phone caller walks a mile beside you down the street like a goblin in your mirror. But it wasn’t until Rosin set her gaze upon the clip the real tragedy was discovered, where the…

…harassers are mostly black and Latino, and hanging out on the streets in midday in clothes that suggest they are not on their lunch break. As Roxane Gay tweeted, “The racial politics of the video are fucked up. Like, she didn’t walk through any white neighborhoods?”

Hanna otherwise wouldn’t mention it, but she happened to be reading her Twitter feed. While what the poor woman had to endure was apparently bad, the context was worse. Why are we watching Aryan propaganda?

He wrote, “We got a fair amount of white guys, but for whatever reason, a lot of what they said was in passing, or off camera,” or was ruined by a siren or other noise. The final product, he writes, “is not a perfect representation of everything that happened.” That may be true but if you find yourself editing out all the catcalling white guys, maybe you should try another take.

Hanna would prefer you tailor-make it into “a perfect representation of everything that happened.” In the edit-room sense of “a fantasy.” Then the video will be palatable, thank you. I say if the woman did walk through affluent white neighborhoods and didn’t get harassed, so what? Would anyone doubt it was because the douches were all getting in a round at Brookline, or checking their margins at Smith Barney? Or that some jerk went trolling the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation copy room, where he “approached her from behind and whispered ‘I want to hate fuck you’ in her ear”?

Who cares? The harassment is what matters. We know it’s found throughout the corporate world, and the video demonstrates how it fills the city streets too. But Hanna thinks it’s a bummer. Rather than the internet, perhaps the clip properly belongs in the garbage. Because, realistic though it may be, the “racial politics” of catcalling is pretty “fucked up.” And no one wants to see that.

So the next time any one of you wants to make a documentary, about racism or violence or abuse, here’s a suggestion. Think about the way such a film will be perceived. It might be worth a little editing to embrace a certain person’s aesthetics. Because that’s probably what really matters.

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The Politican and The Nurse

We have people here in America, doctors and nurses, who are willing to fly to dodgy places in order to help save the lives of people they don’t even know. And when one of these selfless professionals comes home, what happens to her? Does she get offered a simple ‘Thank You’? Does anybody greet her at the terminal and hand her a trophy, or plaque? NO. These days, what happens is a New Jersey politician uses her to wipe his ass. Just forget everything you heard him say only three days ago…

“[B]ut we are not going to be in the business of stoking hysteria about this in the public,” he continued, citing that his experience in crisis management in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy has made him convinced of the need to remain calm.

“Let’s not be hysterical about it,” Christie added.

…because getting into the White House demands more from a wily politician than simply knowing a little science or using common sense. When your campaign advisers are telling you that you’re not likely to get another issue this juicy, one that so predictably gets voters to shat their Dockers, it’s time for you to change your mind. When the political hacks have become even more hysterical than the public has, this is what you get. That is when you’re candidate for U.S. President 2016, Chris Christie.

She said she was then taken to an isolation tent for three hours and is now under a 21-day quarantine period in New Jersey, even though she lives in Maine…

“I realized that information was only shared with me if I asked. Eight police cars escorted me to the University Hospital in Newark. Sirens blared, lights flashed. Again, I wondered what I had done wrong”…

She wrote: “Doctors took my temperature and other vitals and looked puzzled, ‘your temperature is 98.6’ they said, ‘you don’t have a fever.”

Because she’s fine. But Christie doesn’t give a damn.

“My heart goes out to her because she’s someone who has been trying to help others and is obviously ill.”

“I’m sorry if in any way she was inconvenienced but inconvenience that could occur from having folks that are symptomatic and ill out amongst the public is a much, much greater concern of mine,” he told the newspaper. “I hope she recovers quickly, and we’re going to do everything we can in New Jersey and in our public health system to make sure that she does.”

He’s locking people into isolation and lying outrageously about their health because he’s simply got to be president. He’s the worst kind of politician. Chris is the sort of guy who’d bowl your mother over to get to a camera and then tell everybody she deserved it. Bullies are all the same, even in New Jersey. Prisoner Kaci Hickox:

“Everyone keeps asking how I’m feeling physically and of course I’m fine physically, but I don’t think most people understand what it’s like to be alone in a tent and decisions are being made that don’t make sense and show no compassion,” Hickox said, starting to cry.

“I just feel like fear is winning right now, and when fear wins, everyone loses.”

She’s not allowed to have her luggage and was given paper scrubs to wear. Hickox said she has no shower, no flushable toilet and the hospital gave her no television or any reading material. Mostly, she says, she stares at the walls.

For America’s heroes, it’s but a small price to pay for Chris Christie’s dreams.

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Sully to Bully – I feel your pain

Andrew Sullivan.

Many readers have warned me not to dip a toe into the gamergate debate, which, so far, we’ve been covering through aggregation and reader-input.

O-Kay.

And I’m not going to dive headlong into an extremely complex series of events, which have generated huge amounts of intense emotion on all sides, in a gamer culture which Dish readers know far, far better than I.

Oh-No. Monseigneur Humility deigns to wake. But he dares not dive. And a cherub chub, on Hallows’ Eve, dares not stalk my Snickers.

But part of my job is to write and think about burning current web discussions – and add maybe two cents, even as an outsider.

CANNONBALL.

There’s an atmosphere in which it has somehow become problematic to have a classic white, straight male identity, and a lot that goes with it… I believe in the flourishing of all sorts of cultures and subcultures and have long been repulsed by the nannies and busybodies who want to police them…

Flourishing. Thriving, in the sun. Rising above the fetid mud beneath Andrew’s feet, ’tis precious life. He lowers his gaze – though he was warned not to – at the swaying flowers and tendrils, and there he beholds I WILL KILL YOU CUNT. And he weeps. Yes He Weeps. God Himself, you might recall, once got the exalted Weeps.

…look, many gamers were the bullied in high school; this was their safe space; it was a place they could call home. They now feel it slipping away, and it has unhinged some and disconcerted many, as a lot of mainstream culture has heaped scorn and ridicule on them at the same time. And I’m sorry, but I feel some sympathy here.

GONNA RAPE YOU GOT THAT BITCH. Sure, Andrew, I mean you. Why not? Am I still worthy of your man-geek sympathy? Does it matter if I was bullied by someone, somewhere, at some point in time?

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Wingnuts: Doctor who treated Ebola patients an asshole

He saved a few lives then he went bowling. If that’s not treason…

A doctor who recently returned to New York City from a Doctors Without Borders mission in western Africa — and who also went bowling the night before – has tested positive for the Ebola virus after developing a high fever, according to ABC News.

Words fail to describe the damage this man has done to our country. But for these:

He’s a selfish, self-righteous, evil POS who deserves what he got but we don’t deserve him being back in this nation. This miserable sackOS put OUR LIVES on the line so that he could feel better about himself running off to Africa to do nothing for the poor black people who couldn’t get along without him. Spencer and everyone who was involved in letting his deseased azz back in the country ought to be imprisoned…

ThePrimordialOrderedPair on October 23, 2014 at 10:31 PM

The conservative crowd can’t stop unraveling over this Ebola thing. It’s astonishing. Here’s a dose of buck-up for the lot of you: Doctors who fly overseas to care for the victims of an epidemic sometimes come down with the disease. That’s right. Deal with it, pansies. Sometimes heroic actions result in dire consequences. You’ll never be a better American than he is right now.

So you can go on pants-crapping all you like, but no one’s interested in patting your widdle tum-tum. You don’t have it.

Now we have a fresh case in the most populous city in the nation, and the potential for hundreds of contacts thanks to the subway ride, the cab, and the use of the bowling alley. Did he have a drink at the bowling alley? Eat food? Did wait staff handle any glasses or dishes? Did he use rental shoes and house bowling balls?

And you’ll never get it from a bowling ball. Grow up.

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You had to go and call us stupid again

Here comes the latest from our pal, the “Finance Editor for Townhall Finance,” John Ransom.

You probably don’t remember this but it was last year when I figured out John was stupid. It wasn’t much of a discovery. I read a screed he titled “Liberals Suck at Math and Eyeballs,” and John afforded a well known leftist his compliment before putting the old man in his place:

Elbert Einstein was the greatest theoretical physicist ever. He had rather childish views about money, economics and politics however.

Try growing up, Elbert. To this day no one from Townhall, least of all John, has seen anything remarkable about this scolding. A few paragraphs later he blasted us for ignoring the documented link between abortion and breast cancer. Which of course is the rankest of bullshit, and I reminded him by e-mail. Do you really think you know more about the science of this than the American Cancer Society? To that he replied:

I’m saying I certainly know more than you do.

Which was an unfortunate error. Never mind that it’s the ACS who know best here, and should be afforded some due respect on the matter. But, in addition, this blogger has actually done some breast cancer research. So I told him. To which he said:

Yeah. What’s really sad is that with all your training as a “scientist” you have to hide behind a lobbying organization like the Society. That, by the way, was my point.

So you might imagine whenever the illuminatus John Ransom starts pointing out someone’s lack of intelligence, I become interested. This time it’s the stupid former constitutional law lecturer and Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama.

First of all, he’s dedicated his whole life to running for office. There has to be a microchip dislodged in anyone’s brain to decide to do that.

Ronald Reagan spent a great many formative years becoming the worst actor of his generation. So let’s dispense with any comparison. The microchip was firmly lodged in his brain. And:

Also, there’s no evidence that we have from his professional body of work that Obama has nothing but average intelligence.

Quite the contrary actually.

…hoo-ee. They don’t rhetoric ‘em like they used to. If I gather all this correctly, starting by throwing aside the double negative, John is saying there’s some evidence that Obama has something other than average intelligence. As far as any assessment goes, John thinks the president is an intelligent man. Then, okay, and fine by me.

Now would be the time to offer, speaking for the president, a hearty ‘Thank you John.’ Absolutely, thanks, and Quite The Contrary Actually. Hmm? Remember that bit after ‘You’re stupid’? John has come immediately to the opposite conclusion as well, as in I MEANT TO LOOK SUPERIOR BY A PHRASE WITH CONTRARY. So bold. I can’t say I’ve ever seen anybody try to hammer home an insult by saying ‘But now the opposite.’ For example: You’re some kind of asshole…quite the contrary actually. Or, with emphasis: No one I know has ever seen a goat-blowing yokel like you, quite the contrary, actually! It lacks a certain, mmm, focus.

But wouldn’t you know it? There’s even more. Beside the genius of all that, there is this:

Uniquely in American history, Obama was given the opportunity to help heal centuries of racial division as the first black president…

Obama squandered his opportunity. He chose poorly. And why?

Why couldn’t he bring all the races together? Why couldn’t he have saved the life of Michael Brown? Why is there still a Ku Klux Klan? John is here to tell you.

Because Obama is enthralled by the most outdated and discredited economic theories- ever. And because he couldn’t openly argue for them, he tried to impose them by fiat on the rest of us.

There has never been a time in history when socialism has been more discredited than it is today.

Because socialism.

If the economic history of the last twenty-five years has shown us anything, it’s that confiscating wealth to try to build a utopian dream is not just foolhardly, but the first step in a path of destruction that will kill young and old alike…

Of course he’s an idiot.

Let me add this and mercifully end the post: In the Republican Party, you will find exactly one Jewish person currently serving in Congress. And he just got primaried out of his own race. He’s gone. There is in addition exactly one black man, who, being from South Carolina, has about a zero chance of holding his seat. Going back to 1900, since the William McKinley administration, the Republicans have tallied a grand total of five black members of Congress. FIVE.

It takes Halley’s comet 76 years to circle our solar system, it takes the GOP about one-third that time to elect an African-American to Congress. If American history holds true, you’ll see the next black Republican representative about five Summer Olympics down the road. And in the South? In Florida for example, when will we see the next Allen West? Before him, the Sunshine State elected Josiah T. Walls in 1871. So buck up America, only 137 years to go. None of this has anything to do with socialism.

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