And Scott Adams weighs in

Apparently Scott Adams, scribbler of master comic Dilbert, should be taken seriously because he has been a certified genius for years. And years are long, you know?

It is not unlikely or unreasonable that a natural national wonder should have his own blog and comment freely upon things that you don’t really understand but that you might, given his help. Here’s a little something for you to think about, meaning don’t really think about it and just kind of… you know hmmmm. You probably never ever thought about “persuasion” before, so here:

I’ll start by reminding readers that my politics don’t align with any of the candidates. My interest in the race has been limited to Trump’s extraordinary persuasion skills. But lately Hillary Clinton has moved into the persuasion game – and away from boring facts and policies – with great success. Let’s talk about that.

This past week we saw Clinton pair the idea of President Trump with nuclear disaster, racism, Hitler, the Holocaust, and whatever else makes you tremble in fear.

That is good persuasion if you can pull it off because fear is a strong motivator.

This is a little bit odd as Scott doesn’t seem to care about either side. I mean, Trump and Clinton are fairly far apart in their beliefs and values, you know? He’s just providing analysis. OH I forgot, GENIUS. Right, right…

Her new scare tactics are solid-gold persuasion. I wouldn’t be surprised if you see Clinton’s numbers versus Trump improve in June, at least temporarily, until Trump finds a counter-move…

Well, it seems Hillary has trumped Trump in the continental persuasing derby. Scott is the first to congratulate her for the verbal ju-jitsu. Certain words were used by the New York loudmouth but then OTHER WORDS were used by the former First Lady. Take that Twitter Einstein, rust covered billionaire. I’m as good as you at whatever you call this, public crapfest. And this depressing thing has been brought to you by Scott Adams, opinionator of notable intelligence.

Fair enough.

The only downside I can see to the new approach is that it is likely to trigger a race war in the United States. And I would be a top-ten assassination target in that scenario because once you define Trump as Hitler, you also give citizens moral permission to kill him.

Umm blurg? Jews kill what?

And obviously it would be okay to kill anyone who actively supports a genocidal dictator, including anyone who wrote about his persuasion skills in positive terms.

We think you’re a Holocaust guy now? Because a presidential campaign?

So I’ve decided to endorse Hillary Clinton for President, for my personal safety… I have no psychic powers and I don’t know which candidate would be the best president. But I do know which outcome is most likely to get me killed by my fellow citizens. So for safety reason, I’m on team Clinton.

Oh no. Precious has gotten his feewings hurt. Black Lives Matters protestors have been beaten repeatedly at Trump rallies while the candidate pined for the days we could lynch such uppity people, but Hillary Clinton just insulted Donald Trump! You hear that? MADE A POINT OF SAYING HE’S A RACIST. Ha ha ho ho so I can’t vote for Hitler. Well, dip me in Zyklon B.


Trump no like judge. He Messican.

Who does this guy he think he is?

The Republican Party’s presumptive presidential nominee gave a fiery speech in San Diego and sought to leverage the power of his pulpit to shame one of this city’s federal judges, Gonzalo Curiel, who is hearing a class-action lawsuit against Trump University…

He then taunted the judge, who has scheduled a trial for late November, after the election. “I’ll be seeing you in November…”

…when I’m the president, okay? Get used to it because it’s going to happen. And all of your illegal friends or whatever running around here, they’re not going to like me at all. They’re going to be very very sad when I win. Believe me.

“I think Judge Curiel should be ashamed of himself. I think it’s a disgrace that he’s doing this.” Trump brought up Curiel’s ethnicity: “The judge, who happens to be, we believe, Mexican…”


“…I think the Mexicans are going to end up loving Donald Trump.”


Pointing to a supporter’s sign, Trump said, “I really like when they put up ‘Latinos for Trump.’ ‘Latinos for Trump.’ I love it. We’re going to do great with Latinos.”

Latinos are going to vote for me, okay? Like crazy. They’re gonna love me. No one is going to be happier about President Trump than the Latinos.


Trump doubt drought

Breaking: You are smarter than the Republican presidential candidate.

At a Friday campaign rally in Fresno, California, Donald Trump denied that the state was currently in a drought, blaming water shortages on environmentalists. “We’re going to solve your water problem. You have a water problem that is so insane.”

Everyone is stupid. Nature is stupid. So insane. When I’m president it will rain all the time. You won’t believe it, there’s gonna be water everywhere. You’ll get sick of floods.

“It is so ridiculous where they’re taking the water and shoving it out to sea,” he said, adding that “there is no drought.”

When I was coming here today we were driving up to a bridge. We were coming up to a bridge and I said “Tony stop the limo.” Tony stopped the limo, right on top of the bridge. And we all got out. Everybody looked at me. I pointed down, and I said “What’s this?” Tony looked at me, and he said “It’s the Sacramento River.” And I said “What’s all that water? I’m seeing all this water.” That’s what I said. “Isn’t there supposed to be a drought? Where’s all the water going?” I said. “Where’s the drought?” My driver, he just looked at me and he shrugged. He’s a good guy, okay? We all stood there looking down at the water. Where’s it going? There wasn’t a single person who could tell me why there was a drought, okay?


Venn diagrams are EAZY hard

Candidate Clinton ptew tweets shit at the enemy d’you feel the heat?

…I mean if you were The Congress you’d be all like OH NO a tweet from someone running for ZZzzzzzz. Some folks are really very good at pissing in the wind.

And Washington Post then comes in to flaunt their genius.

What’s that?

FiveThirtyEight’s Ben Casselman put it succinctly on Twitter: “This isn’t remotely how Venn diagrams work.” (His tweet, as of writing, has more retweets than the Clinton campaign’s.)

He’s right. A Venn diagram is meant to show the overlap between two groups of things — ideally, to scale. One problem with the Clinton diagram, for example, is that “gun owners” in this context is a group that exists entirely within the universe of “Americans.” What’s more, if the overlap is meant to be “supports universal background checks,” the overlap should cover 90 percent of the circle of “Americans.”

The ‘circle’ is ’90 percent of Americans’. So we should overlap the whole thing? Der? But certainly a WaPo writer should feel unencumbered at all times in whatever mocking duties they self-prescribe to taint other people as stupid. Completely fuck-all. Like, really?

wapo venn fail

Note: The title of this second-grade finger pointing, from WaPo’s The Fix column, natch, is unfailingly – wait for it, waaaaait – We fixed Hillary Clinton’s terrible Venn diagram on gun control. Because stupid Hillary know-nothing Clinton wouldn’t have a clue what a “Venn Diagram should have looked something like” if she’d tripped over it in the sandbox. Har! C’mon!

Haha snootface. Candidate cat brains. Our graphs are red hot, your graphs are doodley squat boomp boomp. BY THE WAY there is an additional atom sized footnote, a mild little meaningless ortlike bugscale tangent. Ahem:

(We didn’t use circles, because we didn’t feel like doing advanced math to calculate the size of the curved overlap.)

When we make a Venn Diagram WE don’t “use circles.” Mmkay? Got that? But do feel free to widdle and diddle my smartypants brain dong. Go willy and/or nilly on the ole’ Clintoris. Because journalism n’ me we just done fixt ya whole life, that’s right.


Despite all his rage, he sucks

No wonder I hated Smashing Pumpkins.

Billy Corgan had strong words for social justice movements and liberals in a new interview. “When I watch some of the clips … of some of these protests, I have no respect for what these people are doing … They’re shutting down free speech. … I just don’t get it. To me it’s antithetical to the society that I believe in.”

Oh, that society. The one that Billy Corgan believes in. Well that’s a little bit o’ heaven. That’s the place where the whiniest little singer in rock n’roll steals Nirvana’s playbook and wins the Super Bowl of fame, stardom, and riches. OTOH, in the laissez-faire society that I believe in, Billy Corgan ends up playing third-rate rock clubs in between bleating about the ungrateful coloreds of Black Lives Matter on fat-slob radio, looking like he pulled his getup from the trash bin behind Abercrombie & Fitch.

billy corgan

Who knew justice could look so wimpy?

“The tactics in the social-justice warrior movement are to stifle and shut down free speech,” he said. “And I would argue in the world that I live in, which is the bareknuckle world, they’re leveraging their position because they don’t have power.”

Typical of losers to want to ‘leverage’ things without having any power, right? Might as well put a lever to some problem that you can’t use. Or maybe take out a loan against all the collateral that you don’t have. What a weedlie-weedlie Corganesque try at using three-syllable words. But let’s not lose sight of the hardscrabble world that He has come from, the Tiny Tim of Generation X.

“You try to tell someone here who you might argue is taking advantage of our social welfare system or is gaming the system somehow and say, ‘Look, you’re telling me America sucks and you’re spitting on the flag, try living in one of these third world countries and see how far that gets you,” he said.

You wanna complain? Try doing it in the Kaiser’s face! [*…pulls kazoo from Cote & Ciel rucksack, puts in fishmouth, starts blowing Begin The Beguine…*]

“It’s always very interesting to me when you see the way gays and lesbians are treated in some other countries in the world. If [American protesters] have that level of vitriol for, let’s say, Donald Trump as a candidate…where is the five-times greater condemnation for those societies that are treating their people far worse than just ideas and words?”

You’ve been staring at your own house? You don’t like the way it looks? Yeah? You think it could use a new coat of paint? WHY DON’T YOU PAINT SOMEONE ELSE’S HOUSE FIRST HMM? Sheesh. Why must Billy Corgan have to explain everything?


Trump, and Veeps, and Failure

In the midst of the continental swirling holy-fuck of this year’s political goings on there are some particular things that catch my attention. For example I’m currently curious to find out who might become The Donald’s vice president.

There are two reasons to be vested in this. One: Who would be so dumb? Two: Who would be so pathetic? No woman would ever agree to such a partnership, and none of them outside the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling would be considered. It’s only the he-men Republicans of this world who would beg for such a thing. I’m sure that, somewhere in this great nation, there’s a pinch-faced red state splutterer willing to drop his pants and spread his cheeks for a shot at infamy, not to mention Trump’s ham-handed touch.

Marco Rubio maybe?

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said it’s possible he could ask his former rival for the nomination, Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.), to be his running mate…

“Marco’s a good guy, a really nice guy, and I like him. But not necessarily with respect to any position, but it could happen,” he added.

Maybe not.

On Friday, Heat Street spoke to multiple senior advisers, members of Rubio’s inner circle who have been in direct contact with him.

“Absolutely false,” said one Rubio adviser. “He absolutely will not be Trump’s Vice President.”

That sentiment was echoed by two other sources close to Rubio, who confirmed to Heat Street that Rubio was not considering joining Trump’s ticket. “That’s never happening,” said one. Another referenced the likelihood of snowballs in hell, and expressed frustration at the inaccurate stories…

This of course will remain Little Marco’s yeeaarrghhh until Candidate Donald calls him on the phone. Then the two will have a good talk and Marco will be surprised how much He has changed.

What about John Kasich?

Asked by Blitzer whether he would be interested in considering Kasich on his ticket, Trump said, “I would be interested in vetting John. I like John. I’ve had a good relationship with John. I’ve gotten along with him well.”

Apparently not.

“There is zero chance that I’d be vice president with [him],” Kasich said in an interview on CNN. “Below zero, actually. Not interested.”

Perhaps Ted Cruz?

Donald Trump on Wednesday said that he would consider making Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) his running mate.

“I respect Ted,” he told host Bill O’Reilly on Fox News’ “The O’Reilly Factor.” “He was a very strong competitor. He really competed hard and tough.”

“He’s certainly a capable guy,” the presumptive GOP presidential nominee added. “It’s something we can think about.”

Yeah, no.

Ted Cruz quashed speculation about the possibility he could be Donald Trump’s vice-presidential pick, saying he has “zero interest whatsoever” in being the billionaire’s running mate if Trump wins the Republican nomination…

“And there are a lot of reasons, but perhaps the simplest is if Donald is the nominee, Hillary wins,” Cruz said, referring to the Democratic frontrunner, Hillary Clinton. “Hillary wins by double digits…”

But of course that was then and this is now. This is THE TIME aus zee biergarten SOMETHING Neville Chamberlain. DING A LING WHY HULLO EVERYBODY IT’S DONALD. GOSH IT’S GOOD TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.

This isn’t to pretend that other Republican politicians aren’t eager to get into the big race. On the contrary, there are a whole host of Edsels and Corvairs fingering their fancy push-buttons and gunning their cross-mounted engines at the prospect.

Newt Gingrich, the former House speaker, as well as Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama and the retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson, said in interviews that they would consider joining the ticket if Mr. Trump offered. Two governors, Chris Christie of New Jersey and Mary Fallin of Oklahoma, have also told allies that they were open to being Mr. Trump’s running mate.

“If a potential president says I need you, it would be very hard for a patriotic citizen to say no,” Mr. Gingrich said. “People can criticize a nominee, but ultimately there are very few examples of people turning down the vice presidency.”

Gail Collins has more. She says a Trump vice presidency is actually more prized than smallpox.

Don’t make jokes about nobody wanting to be the winner! There are plenty of contenders. Mike Huckabee made it clear he wouldn’t say no. And look at Newt Gingrich, hopping up and down and waving his hand. Whoops — Chris Christie just shoved Newt out of the spotlight. Trump said he might like a governor, so that should give Christie a boost. And a recent poll showed that as many as 15 percent of New Jersey Republicans think he’d be a good choice.

*Whistle*…you can’t argue with a crowd. And of course they know. Lending the family name to a high-profile political cataclysm is some kind of bargain. Really, a good deal. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance to become enshrined in the Pantheon of great American Losers. And say friends, who wouldn’t want that?

“I think I’m pretty much as vetted as anybody in the country could be vetted,” Palin told CNN’s Jake Tapper. “I think there are so many other great people out there in America that could serve in this position.”

“I think if somebody wanted to choose me, they already know who I am, what I stand for,” she added. “They wouldn’t be in for any surprises.”


Barack Crime Wave Boogaloo

This morning, I imagine, after you got up and tossed the rocks back through the window, and beat down the tranny in the mask who tried to mug you on the way to the toilet, you probably wondered how the hell your town got to be such a rotten place to live. This is the most wonderful place in the world, you once thought. It seems like only yesterday (think Iraq War) that roses fairly bloomed in the sidewalk planters, people hugged the mailman as he tried to walk by, and ivy crawled up the trellises with an audible humm. It had the overall effect of a lemon-smelling Lawrence Welk placing a stout hand on your shoulder. But not any more. Those days are gone.

The Obama Crime Wave Comes to Minnesota

The Minneapolis Star Tribune reports that so far in 2016, shootings in Minneapolis are up by an astounding 85% over 2015. Other violent crime is up as well…

Though Assrocket posts a graphic that only shows a surge in gun violence in Minneapolis’ North Side, one part of one city in one state, and even though the article he uses to savage Barack Obama’s America warns everybody this:

Criminologists caution against reading too much into early month crime statistics, and police say that in some respects, not much is different about this current surge in gun violence. Most shootings are clustered around fast-food restaurants and convenience stores, along busy transit corridors and anywhere where open-air drug dealing thrives.

…such sensible cautions are strangely missing from his criminology. Scud-butt breezes past the caveats and declares the ‘Obama Crime Wave’ an American crisis. The blacks found you and robbed you recently, right? What next?

The only plausible explanation is a combination of the Ferguson Effect and the racial hostility promoted by the Obama administration and the Black Lives Matter organization.

Spiraling lawlessness and serial shootings are mysteries best understood, pardon me only understood, by invoking “The only plausible explanation.” Which is:

Barack Obama and his minions have promoted racial division and a relentless attack on police forces as a means to political power. The inevitable result is now being seen all around the country: the Obama crime wave.

You can’t explain the rise in Minneapolis’ North Side gun violence any other way, notwithstanding the same article’s higher-column sub-headings of “Gangs still a problem” and “Multiple factors”. A sensible man simply has to assert a continental-wide explosion in violence due to a president’s “racial hostility”. And Bara-boombaye is never going to sic the National Guard on Black Lives Matters protests, okay? Such is his hostility on brazen display, as when He praises

…the movement as “really effective in bringing attention to problems,” but said young activists should be more willing to work with political leaders to craft solutions instead of criticizing from outside the political process.

And as well when he goes so far as to provide them with this sort of material support:

“Once you’ve highlighted an issue and brought it to people’s attention and shined a spotlight, and elected officials or people who are in a position to start bringing about change are ready to sit down with you, then you can’t just keep on yelling at them,” Mr. Obama said.

I’m sorry but it just couldn’t be made any more obvious, folks. President Obama simply hates policemen. So let’s not blame them for sitting in their cruisers with their arms folded and their eyes filled with tears while the city around them explodes in anti-white violence. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned over the years, it’s that the people we empower to kill require unconditional love.


Trump fans vs. Harriet Tubman

While most of us took it as good news when the Treasury Department announced Harriet Tubman would replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill, there were others who felt differently. Some folks didn’t like the change – not that they even remembered who Andrew Jackson was. Not that they even remembered who Harriet Tubman was.

Donald Trump supporters. They were unhappy about the black-for-white swap as it surely was some sort of PC bullshit.

Holly took the news harder than most.

Then she re-tweeted these:

This was brilliant:

They put Mrs. Tambourine Man on my money? Also:


Trolling a yuuuge troll

Somebody oughta give the op-ed guys over at the Boston Globe a trophy for trolling after they posted future front page news from a 2017 presidency of Donald Trump. It is funny (…and maybe not). There are headlines of the type you’d expect, highlighting Donald’s Hulk-smash immigration policy: DEPORTATIONS TO BEGIN…Curfews extended in multiple cities. There’s a no-brainer for the business types: Markets sink as trade war looms. Seems likely to me seeing as how Brobdingnagian Bluster spends so much of his time in bankruptcy proceedings.

But the real beauty of Fuck You Trump is in the details. Like these:

NASA engineers halted the launch of an unmanned probe amid fears that its new gold leaf trim would interfere with radio communications

A guffaw for environmentalists:

Heavy spring snow closed Trump National Park for the first time since it dropped its loser name, Yellowstone in January.

And your boring old funny.

Japanese Emperor Akihito formally censured Ambassador Kid Rock for a speech calling on US allies to “Let the [expletive] business guy run the [ex­pletive] country like a [exple­tive] business.”

It’s all quite comical until you remember we’re for-reals talking about the GOP frontrunner. Then it becomes a tad confusing. Hullo is that Oslo on the phone?

Trump on Nobel prize short list

IT’S NOT MIDDLE East peace, at least not yet. But Nobel watchers were abuzz with spec­ulation that President Trump might be on the short list for the coveted 2017 peace prize when awards are announced in October. His feat? Healing a 1,385­ year­ old schism between Sunni and Shi’ite Muslims, which has fueled bloody con­flicts across the globe for centu­ries.

How much do a billion Muslims hate America’s president? They’ve started their own Hands Across The Levant. There’s your silver lining.

ADD: Dumbest Man On The Internet ftw. After seeing the Globe’s faux front page Jim Hoft gets all rage-y at newspapers, everywhere. He draws a conclusion:

Media is dead.

And how do I know this? Where did I read it? I have no idea.


This Republican was once third in line for the presidency

On Capitol Hill they called him “Coach.” But Dennis Hastert was a sexual predator who once preyed upon the members of a high school wrestling team in Yorkville, Illinois, in the late sixties and early seventies.

For months, federal authorities have hinted at the motive behind the hush-money payments former U.S. House Speaker Dennis Hasterthastert bush has admitted to making: the sexual abuse of a teenage boy when Hastert was still a suburban high school teacher and wrestling coach.

But now, a Tribune investigation has uncovered new details of the case — at least four people have made what law enforcement sources say are credible allegations of sexual abuse against Hastert.

The Tribune has determined the identities of three of them, all men, whose allegations stretch over a decade when they were teenagers and Hastert was their coach.

While the original indictment for banking violations revolved around one former team member who requested payments for his continued silence, for which Hastert’s lawyer offered this offensive statement…

Tom Green did not specify any sexual abuse by his client but did say Hastert was apologetic and had suffered humiliation and shame.

“Mr. Hastert has made mistakes in judgment and committed transgressions for which he is profoundly sorry,” Green said.

…the Chicago Tribune’s investigation into Hastert has revealed several more victims. So the former Speaker of the House wasn’t making any “mistakes” back in Yorkville. He was getting his jollies by sexually abusing the young men who trusted him:

One of the alleged victims served as a team equipment manager a few years after Hastert arrived at the school in 1965. Stephen Reinboldt died of AIDS in 1995, and his younger sister has long spoken out about the details she said he shared with her while alive. Two others, who came to the school later, were talented and popular student-athletes from well-known local families — the sort of combination that often bodes well for the future.

Until Coach Hastert takes an unhealthy (pederast’s) interest in your teenager. Then there’s no point in thinking anything will ever be okay again.

How did rock-ribbed conservatives manage to place a child predator so close to the presidency? How could the Family Values party embrace somebody so evil, and make him so powerful? I don’t know. Maybe you’d like to ask that question of George W. Bush? Or Dick Cheney? Or Karl Rove or Donald Rumsfeld or Condoleezza Rice or [warmonger]….


I’ll have what he’s having

It’s like watching a train derail.

You’re horrified but you’re also terribly fascinated. You’re just sort of stuck, standing there, watching reality go horribly wrong.

In his first 100 days, Trump said, he would cut taxes, “renegotiate trade deals and renegotiate military deals,” including altering the U.S. role in the North Atlantic Treaty Organization.

Oh yeah, the NATO problem (?). Maybe he can get the U.N. to start paying us (…about time). Trump sounds like the silver-spooner who has lived too near the city’s biggest mansion for too long. Now he’s moving in and nothing of the former owner can be allowed to stay. He’s going to bulldoze that rose garden and erect a bowling alley. It’s fresh venison for the dog bowls and sparkling water for the faucets (imagine all that gold, after they rip the brass ones out). There’s a certain amount of spite that comes with jealousy. No self-respecting narcissist wants to hang around some has-been U.S. President.

He insisted that he would be able to get rid of the nation’s more than $19 trillion national debt “over a period of eight years.”

The government takes in $3.3 trillion in revenue every year. But Donald will (shazam!) cut income taxes and run a $2.37 trillion yearly surplus through 2024. Farewell U.S. Marines, adiós ICE. Maybe Melania can throw surplus cheese wheels at ISIS when they invade.

To say this is ‘stupid’ doesn’t come close. We’re not even in the realm. This is more like a fever dream. A microbus trip to the desert on mushrooms. Might I add that this is the law n’ order candidate? If half of us are having petit mal seizures whenever this Trump person opens his gob, we have failed as a nation. I have no idea what Hunter Thompson would have said about all this other than to want a double dose of whatever it is the Republicans are huffing.

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