The Air Force being a secular progressive hellhole overrun by the proselytizing of evangelical airmen, and by megachurch pastors given limitless access to their institutions (Al Qaeda? This is your way in.), it’s difficult to believe the military could have problems with a certain corrosive culture:

On Tuesday, the Pentagon will release the annual report on sexual assaults in the military, which shows some startling numbers.

While the report will show that the number of reported assaults in fiscal year 2012 rose only 6 percent to 3,374 — up from 3,192 a year before — the number of people who made an anonymous claim that they were sexually assaulted but never reported the attack skyrocketed from 19,000 in FY11 to 26,000 in FY12.

So you can see sexual assault is not much of a problem. Victims who make anonymous claims, by the thousands, are a different story. Some of this may be due to the military’s direct approach to problem-solving. It may be difficult to understand why when an airfemmeman is assaulted she doesn’t just fire an AIM-9 Sidewinder up someone’s Command and Control Center then send David Martin the digital replay. Hello, Dateline.

Air Force Officer Accused of Sexual Battery
by ARLnow.com | May 6, 2013 at 3:20 pm

The chief of the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response branch of the U.S. Air Force was arrested and charged with sexual battery in Arlington over the weekend.

Lt. Col. Jeff Krusinski is accused of fondling a woman in a Crystal City parking lot early Sunday morning.

. . or why she doesn’t just go all mountain lion on his face. That works pretty good when you forget where exactly you parked your F-22 Raptor at the Crystal Springs Applebee’s. Or when you’re just a citizen.

“A drunken male subject approached a female victim in a parking lot and grabbed her breasts and buttocks,” according to a Arlington County Police Department crime report. “The victim fought the suspect off as he attempted to touch her again and alerted police.”

“Jeffrey Krusinski, 41, of Arlington, VA, was arrested and charged with sexual battery,” police said. “He was held on a $5,000 unsecured bond.”

And maybe that’s the point. When you’re not in the military, you don’t have commanding officers like this guy. You can fuck up a douche pretty good without having to worry about your career, or your life.

Clown college professor emeritus and sorta historian Niall Ferguson spoke to 500 businessmen in Carlsbad recently to demonstrate that he’s dumber than his critics said:

Ferguson asked the audience how many children Keynes had. He explained that Keynes had none because he was a homosexual and was married to a ballerina, with whom he likely talked of “poetry” rather than procreated. The audience went quiet at the remark. . .

Ferguson, who is the Laurence A. Tisch Professor of History at Harvard University, and author of The Great Degeneration: How Institutions Decay and Economies Die, says it’s only logical that Keynes would take this selfish worldview because he was an “effete” member of society. Apparently, in Ferguson’s world, if you are gay or childless, you cannot care about future generations nor society.

And that’s where Jonah Goldberg dove in. Which is like drowning in the shallow end of a pool and hearing “CANNONBALL” followed by the splort-splort of walrus feet:

Still, I am a little surprised that so many people have never heard this idea before or that the mere mention of it is now a potential career killer . .

Haven’t you heard of this before? The ‘No Kids Makes You Dumb’ Academic Theory of Ideas? I thought we had read up on this already. There’s the Frankfurt school (‘idiots’) and the Syracuse rejoinder (‘morons’), and both arguments are well-respected among the People Who Shoot At Ivory Towers.

. . it’s hardly as if it’s unheard-of in academia to speculate that one’s sexual orientation (or race, or gender, etc.) can influence a person’s views on public policy.

IIRC Jonah was once childless and too stupid to read, or count. He just sat and ate his I.Q. in Hot Pockets which left him reedy like Fred Astaire and very handsome. Then Mrs. Goldberg pooped a baby. P00p. That’s when he began to tinker with the space-time continuum. But not dangerously so because that might be bad for the future mini-Goldbergs. If that’s possible (mini).

It’s been a little while since I checked in with our Christian friends at Run Away, America! Renew America. If you’re into Thorazine walkabouts, this would a great place to catch a dose of Jesus-flavored nutso.

A quick read of the site amazes. The inmates are still banging away at Obama’s birthplace? His religion? They’re attacking his sexuality? Yes, absolutely. There is nothing too unhinged to really draw out and linger upon, usually accompanied with the helpless flailing of arms and the hot eye-crapping of tears. The desperation is uni-omni and palpable. My God. Is there just no way out of Satan’s ass?

On any assumption of goodwill toward America and its institutions, Obama’s policies appear incoherent, disjointed, incompetent, and self-destructive. On the assumption of hostility toward America’s vital interests and its way of life, however, they resolve into the rational, coherent, and indeed directly linear pursuit of its destruction.

That’s Alan Keyes, he runs the place. That’s a sober opinion frankly. Lloyd Marcus:

. . Obama’s socialist/progressive monster is wrecking havoc making all of the Left’s cultural and societal dreams come true; the redefinition of marriage, government control of your children, suppression of Christianity, disarming the American people, open borders and amnesty for illegals, a majority of the population on government assistance and most devastating of all, government having total control of our behavior – deciding who lives and who dies via Obamacare.

Does your health insurance control your behavior? Do you know? Or do you think you know because . . ibid. Anyway, get ready for the Aetna Robocalypse 2014. Sher Zieve:

Taking on the tone of the surreal, recent “massacres” – many aspects of which strongly appear to have been staged by the ObamaGov and Marxist Hollywood for maximum effect toward assisting them in establishing a US police state – from Aurora, CO through Sandy Hook to the latest Boston Marathon bombings are continuing to develop into what appear to be “staged events” status.

You thought a massacre was an historic event, but it’s constantly changing – like the weather. You wake up and wonder who shot Gabby Giffords this morning. Maybe the winds will pick up and that 8 year-old boy will survive the bombing. Hope springs eternal. Laurie Roth on you know who:

He is truthfully, a Muslim, most likely Muslim Brotherhood in orientation, posing as a Christian only to manipulate votes. He masks himself as a Democrat, but is really by his endless associations, actions and big government over-reach a bold socialist-Communist.

There is bold evidence that he is gay or bi-sexual. Endless witnesses from Chicago clubs and news sources, even some who say they had sex with Obama, verified this lifestyle when Obama was a senator. He was part of the “down low” club for gay guys in Rev. Wright’s church. The gay community there called him “Bath House” Barry. He was a regular in gay clubs in Chicago, but media and politicians are supposed to pretend this ain’t so.

There is zero evidence that Obama was born in Hawaii or anyplace else in this country.

The bee’s knees, isn’t it? He’s a Coolie Commie Muslim fag. I dare say it’s the perfect post. There doesn’t seem to be a single thing missing.

Is there any doubt that this man is a precursor to the Antichrist? Not in my mind.

Oops, thanks Matt. Don’t forget Satan. And don’t forget to vote Santorum/Mephisto in 2016.

13-year NBA veteran Jason Collins came out of the closet yesterday. In an article for Sports Illustrated, he wrote “I’m a 34-year-old NBA center. I’m black. And I’m gay.” Jason is the first male athlete in the four major American sports leagues to admit to being homosexual while still playing professionally.

Good for him.

It remains to be seen how he’ll be received by his future teammates and by the league in general. His former team the Washington Wizards reacted positively:

“We are extremely proud of Jason and support his decision to live his life proudly and openly. He has been a leader on and off the court and an outstanding teammate throughout his NBA career. Those qualities will continue to serve him both as a player and as a positive role model for others of all sexual orientation.”

Laker superstar Kobe Bryant was supportive as well. He took to Twitter: “Proud of @jasoncollins34. Don’t suffocate who u r because of the ignorance of others”

Not everyone was so accepting. ESPN sportscaster and basketball pundit Chris Broussard, for example. He was asked about Collins’ homosexuality on the network’s Outside The Lines.

Personally, I don’t believe that you can live an openly homosexual lifestyle or an openly, like, premarital sex between heterosexuals. If you’re openly living that type of lifestyle, then the Bible says you know them by their fruits. It says that, you know, that’s a sin. If you’re openly living in unrepentant sin, whatever it may be, not just homosexuality, whatever it maybe, I believe that’s walking in open rebellion to God and to Jesus Christ. So I would not characterize that person as a Christian because I don’t think the bible would characterize them as a Christian.

Interesting. It would be one thing for Broussard to be homophobic, which he is. But it’s another for him to use the Bible to justify a personal attack. As if he just today found the text of the good book in the back of The Sporting News. That’s particularly cowardly. If we’re all going to use the media now to air our personal beliefs about sports figures, how about this one: Chris Broussard is a hypocrite.

He began a career covering basketball in his hometown of Cleveland, and he rode the success of LeBron James to get where he is. Chris has a well-earned reputation for being a James sycophant – someone who used his access to the superstar, and a habit of glorying the athlete, to court the spotlight. He is to this league’s greatest player what Ahmad Rashad was to Michael Jordan. And don’t you believe ESPN didn’t know it when they hired him. His frequent partner in debate, Skip Bayless, is well aware:

You sold your journalistic soul to get close to LeBron.

As are the NBA’s many fans.

How can @chris_broussard be homophobic? He’s been blowing Lebron for years

— Ike Barinholtz (@ikebarinholtz) April 29, 2013

. . my point being the Cleveland sports-guy used LeBron to garner fame and fortune. Now that we’re aware what a judgmental and righteous Christian Chris Broussard is, this brings up a question. Why hasn’t the great LeBron’s fornicating been a topic of conversation by now?

He had his first child out of wedlock when he was nineteen years old, his second when he was twenty-two. There’s no indication James’ penchant for unholy union has ever abated, right up to this day. Media guy should have written a raft of columns on James’ un-Christian, if not Satanic, off-court behavior when it first became apparent, back when James started playing big-league ball in Ohio.

By contrast, Jason Collins we – and Broussard – really don’t know much about. We don’t know if he engaged in any un-Biblical sex acts, homosexual or heterosexual, outside of marriage. For all the world, the man might be a virgin and deserve every courtesy of not being judged. Lest we suffer the same fate, of course.

But rather than getting bogged down in the mysteries of Collins’ sex life, let’s assess what little we’re actually aware of. We now know that there is a concrete Chris Broussard standard, and nothing could be easier to understand:

. . I don’t believe that you can live an openly homosexual lifestyle or an openly, like, premarital sex between heterosexuals. If you’re openly living that type of lifestyle . . I believe that’s walking in open rebellion to God and to Jesus Christ. So I would not characterize that person as a Christian . .

Which leaves us conflicted. When it’s revealed that Jason Collins may, or may not, be living “an openly homosexual lifestyle,” Broussard finds it so personally disturbing that he pronounces Collins to be a non-Christian. But though LeBron James is still engaged in a “premarital sex between heterosexuals” lifestyle, Broussard has yet to condemn the superstar for rebelling against God and Christ. How very hypocritical.

The contrast is stark. And maybe that’s because Broussard knows better than to press his convictions too far. No one wants to lose a cushy job, after all. The ESPN gig turns on his hobnobbing with NBA stars, LeBron being one of many who probably fornicate more frequently than receive free shoes. Those folks might stop returning Chris’ phone calls were he to make a point of pronouncing them enemies of Christ. They wouldn’t be too pleased if Broussard did to them what he’s just done to Jason Collins.

Dan Bidondi is a preening mook who works officially as a lackey for Alex Jones. Two weeks ago he made a little internet splash for himself and for Jones’ InfoWars by hijacking Deval Patrick’s post-bombing press conference with this debut question:

Is this another false flag staged attack to take our civil liberties for more homeland security by sticking their hands down our pants on the streets?

You can understand why the Governor replied “nonextquestion.” The blood’s still pooled on the pavement and some idiot is asking you if the government did it. Poor form, to say the least. Disgusting would be closer to the mark.

Well internet fame is a double-edged sword. Sure there are plenty pin-eyed global truth-tellers that now think you’ve just exposed the efforts of the illuminati and deserve a brand new tinfoil crown, this time with bluetooth.

But then there will be others. Like the people who live in Boston. The people who survived the bombing. Those folks might not appreciate a self-aggrandizing meathead treating the aftermath of a wrenching tragedy as if it were the opportunity of a lifetime:

It’s not every day you see someone big enough to play lineman for the Patriots – if he could dodge the incoming from the cheap seats, literally – wishing he could crawl through a sewer grate and disappear. But there it is.

Right-wingers have a strange relationship with science. They don’t do it, they don’t like it, and they don’t understand it in the least. But they employ it frequently in arguments as a trump card. Like: Studies show that guns prevent violent crime, you idiots. But soon enough it turns out that’s not what the studies say. And that the best research, if it’s even applicable, really supports a different view. Usually the opposite one. That’s when science turns into a corrupt endeavor practiced by weasels who are in it for the money. Or for the fame. Or for any one of those other gaudy lures that a rigorous discipline is fraught with. Also, and, scientists are stupid.

Myer2 wrote: Why is algebra such a problem? Most of you feel science is a leftwing plot (evolution and global warming)-

Dear Comrade No. 2:

Science is not, in and of itself, a leftwing plot. For that to be true scientists would have to be cool people, not the mathematically-gifted, socially awkward wallflowers who never really had friends- or dates- in high school.

It’s our old friend. John “seventies vagina face” Ransom.

Elbert Einstein was the greatest theoretical physicist ever. He had rather childish views about money, economics and politics however.

That’s pretty strong. As you can see, John is one of the world’s premiere know-it-alls. He reads our e-mails, and he shits himself with laughter. He writes a column, then he thumbs through his indexed copy of The Humor of Milton Friedman.

The cool kids in politics- the people smarmy enough to get elected- use science and scientists to make the scientists feel cool and important. And then they get them to opt-in to their plan to “save the world” . .

Let’s face it; science is just a creative accounting gig.

Scientists are stupid. Well, when compared to the likes of the “Finance Editor for Townhall Finance” they are. A guy like that is a reality-devouring fact-spewing god:

Inflation: It’s Back
John Ransom | February 18, 2011

Data from China, the UK and the World Bank weighed in on Tuesday, revealing the key dangers the US economy faces from the economic and social policies of the Obama administration’s loose money program. The news makes the plainest case for budget cuts and increased deficit reduction favored by some members of Congress.

Inflation, once relegated to the historical trivia of the late 1970s and early 1980s, is back.

Mmm.

Ignore the Rally
John Ransom | February 28, 2011

Ignore the rally.

Now is the time to filter out the background noise that comes with market rallies and concentrate on individual equities.

I checked this: The Dow Jones at the end of February 2011 sat at 12,226. And Friday it closed at 14,712. So you can see why the Financial CEOs from the Townhall Finance Division of Finance made him “Finance Editor.” He may not be Elbert Einstein smart, mind you, but then hey who is? Wait – don’t tell me: Elbert Einstein.

But that’s only part of it. Scientists also let leftwingers off the hook for denying many proven scientific theories.

For example, leftwingers deny the link between breast cancer and abortions, the pill and cancer, although the science is clear.

Hello, it’s the American Cancer Society:

Another large, prospective study was reported on by Harvard researchers in 2007. This study included more than 100,000 women who were between the ages of 29 and 46 at the start of the study in 1993. These women were followed until 2003 . .

After adjusting for known breast cancer risk factors, the researchers found no link between either spontaneous or induced abortions and breast cancer.

The California Teachers Study also reported on more than 100,000 women in 2008. Researchers asked the women in 1995 about past induced and spontaneous abortions. While the women were being followed in the study, more than 3,300 developed invasive breast cancer. There was no difference in breast cancer risk between the group who had either spontaneous or induced abortions and those who had not had an abortion.

Ding dong, it’s the National Cancer Institute:

A number of studies suggest that current use of oral contraceptives (birth control pills) appears to slightly increase the risk of breast cancer, especially among younger women. However, the risk level goes back to normal 10 years or more after discontinuing oral contraceptive use.

Women who use oral contraceptives have reduced risks of ovarian and endometrial cancer. This protective effect increases with the length of time oral contraceptives are used.

So that would be yes, the science is clear. Scientists are stupid.

You’re at the side of the road. You turn your head and you notice WaPo blogger Jennifer Rubin standing next to you. You nod. She nods. Civil enough.

Here comes the parade. Local kids in Boy Scout uniforms, looking a little stunned, wave as they tread by. Girls in sequined leotards showboat and twirl batons. The high school band marches past, blaring a meaty Sousa march. In comes the cavalry, or the deputy sheriffs on horseback, with beards at the ready and sidearms holstered. The wind blows. The smell of hot dogs. The back end of the affair thins out. There’s another high school band, but not as polished. Getting quiet. Dogs meander by. Parents walk on.

You turn to Jennifer. ‘Not bad,’ you say.

Jennifer replies. ‘So much for the grebes.’

Obama owes much to Bush (all Americans do, in fact), including economic policies he inherited and took credit for — TARP, the auto bailout.

How? What? Does she know that people can read this? American people? Millions out of work, millions more on food stamps, 60 and 70 hour work weeks on minimum wage. And we owe George W. Bush.

Obama was handed a military success in Iraq (and then fumbled it away by withdrawing all troops to leave Iraq wallowing in sectarian violence).

How was it a military success in 2009? Because we were there at the time? The old sects and tribes and warlords all despised each other irrespective of our having parked a trillion dollars worth of armed technology downtown. And how was the “success” lost? Because we’re not now slaughtering all the Baghdad bombers and jihadis? Lockdown for the far-flung and despised. What a good reason to keep dying.

Osama bin Laden hunt and drone missile program, both successes, were undertaken by Bush.

While I was piss drunk last night I began to hum the overture for a comic opera. That doesn’t make me Rossini. I assume the reason this woman is compelled to editorialize is that her parallel universe is so astonishing.

The Sacramento Bee’s Jack Ohman.

Poor Governor R. Boom:

While I will always welcome healthy policy debate, I won’t stand for someone mocking the tragic deaths of my fellow Texans and our fellow Americans.

The cartoonist:

I’m defending this one because I think that when you have a politician traveling across the country selling a state with low regulatory capacity, that politician also has to be accountable for what happens when that lack of regulation proves to be fatal.

That’s exponentially more offensive to me.

The incineration of those poor West Texas folks should relegate Perry to the depths of political revulsion. A governor with a shred of courage should have by now admitted that it was criminal to put a fertilizer plant next to houses. And, too, that the person who responded to the state’s safety concerns with a chuckle knowing a half million pounds of ammonium nitrate sat nearby deserves a prison cell.

Instead, the coward will stand tall on the victims’ graves and wave to gullible crowds while he runs for President in 2016. Sic semper horizon.

I would imagine when you’re hired on as a National Review racist that you’re expected to do better than this. The desk comes with expectations. There are co-workers to consider, and an East Coast Klavern legacy to dignify. And if your very best efforts only result in hucking a hanging meatball our way nobody is going to feel particularly satisfied:

Near-Suicidal Immigration Policies
By Victor Davis Hanson | National Review

Deportation has become a near-taboo word. Yet the Boston bombings inevitably rekindle old questions about the way the U.S. admits, and at times deports, foreign nationals.

Despite the Obama administration’s politically driven and cyclical claims of deporting either a lot more or a lot fewer non-citizens, no one knows how many are really being sent home — for a variety of reasons.

Oh yes, that’s the photo above the column. No it isn’t really that size – it’s much bigger. Hanson also asked the graphics department to render Tsarneav’s nose so that it nudged old dowagers in the asscrack as they doddered by, but “3-D” isn’t yet so sophisticated.

Say Victor? This is what you’re going with? No one knows how many Boogaloos get deported from the United States? Eek! I myself bothered to look into that horror, briefly. Turns out the deporting parties be the government who, wow, keep tabs on such things.

Although President Obama supports setting a path to citizenship for many illegal immigrants, his administration deported a record 1.5 million of them in his first term.

In addition, the released by the government in recent days show that an unprecedented 409,849 people were deported for the fiscal year that ended Sept. 30.

Zoot obscures! Numbers and all.

All-time highs. Damn. After you began so promisingly with the Menacing Terrorist.

And how does one define deportation? If someone from Latin America is detained by authorities an hour after illegally crossing the border and sent back, does he count as “apprehended” or “deported”?

Just what does “deport” mean? At what point does it apply? This is the sophistication a game of Jenga would rise to if it were played with shims.

If a terrorist climbs over a border fence and lands in Arizona, I’d say he’s in America. If you’d like to send him home, the word is appropriate: He’ll be “deported.” K? This, btw, typically occurs only after he’s been “apprehended.” But feel free to fly him back to Jalisco employing a helicopter and a grappling hook if that’s your thing.

President Obama’s own aunt, Zeituni Onyango, not only broke immigration law by overstaying her tourist visa but also compounded that violation by illegally receiving state assistance as a resident of public housing. Only after Obama was elected president was his aunt finally granted political asylum on the grounds that she would be unsafe in her native Kenya.

Right about here I assume Hanson spits on the ground. Ptaw. So she’s likely to get kidnapped, and ransomed, for nothing, and then killed as a result of some meaningless far-flung family association, but are those reasons to rescue her? She tried to stay in America. She went and lived in public housing. What is wrong with you people?

In Boston, a bomb was detonated. Then another. And now we know, from video and eyewitnesses, that almost as many onlookers sprinted toward the explosions as ran away.

Ordinary citizens ran past severed legs as if they were discarded fast food. And stepped through rapidly filling pools of blood to leap on gaping wounds, with t-shirts and such, to save people’s lives. And lives were saved. That’s a damned scary and impressive thing.

Unless of course you’re Michael Walsh.

What we saw instead was a city cowering in fear, led by two particularly pusillanimous toads in Gov. Deval Patrick and Mayor Mumbles Menino, who had the services of some 10,000 armed personnel — literally, a small army — to take down… wait for it… a wounded teenager with a gun, and maybe some self-detonating explosives.

Way to go, Boston. You’ve made all of us proud to be Americans.

Boston hurt Michael’s pride. Clearly it wasn’t enough for the cops to kill one terrorist then shoot the other full of holes. None of it came courtesy a drone taxi’d up a villager’s ass, nor was it caught on panoramic I-Max 3-D. The whole thing took, like, hours. Can anybody play Mah Jong here, or do I have to show up in a dress?

But don’t you wish, just once, an American public official would react like a man?

Exactly! Like that guy, remember? The time he . . when . . help me out Michael . .

. . when the Russian military finally stormed the school [Beslan Number One], they were accompanied by armed residents of the village, desperate to save their children. In typical ham-handed Russian fashion, the former Soviets managed to kill almost as many people as they saved — but the point is they fought back.

The point — right! That the Russian villagers came armed with AK-47s and ready to fight. And boy did they screw it all up:

A key negotiator from the school siege in Beslan, south Russia, has said shooting by armed civilians provoked the final slaughter of the hostages.

Ruslan Aushev told the Novaya Gazeta newspaper that the civilians had opened fire at the school after an explosion sent children streaming out.

The captors told negotiators by phone they were going to “let off the bombs”. . .

The shooting by the irregulars – described by Mr Aushev as an “idiotic third force” – started a chain reaction, he said.

334 dead, most of them children. Maybe that’s trivial but I figured it was worth a mention. Back now to Walsh’s smashing masculinity or Viking pride or what have you:

It used be said that it was better to die on your feet than live on your knees. The atheist Left has turned that formula upside down, preferring to submit than fight. How they must loathe themselves.

Not so much a Russian problem. Every few days, here and there, they gaze at the tatty photos of their long-gone children and think, “At least I have my manhood.” Because that’s the one thing you wanna save in a crisis.

Maybe every crazy person isn’t a fundamentalist. Maybe every somebody whose hands shake with rage at the thought of the government isn’t a Republican. Maybe every patriot who wants to rebel against his fellow Americans isn’t a right-winger. It’s possible that it just appears that way.

But the more we learn of Tamerlan Tsarneav the more we see that he was a conservative. No two ways about it.

. . Tamerlan Tsarnaev fell under the influence of a new friend, a Muslim convert who steered the religiously apathetic young man toward a strict strain of Islam, family members said.

. . Tamerlan gave up boxing and stopped studying music, his family said. He began opposing the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. He turned to websites and literature claiming that the CIA was behind the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and Jews controlled the world.

It’s all right there. Reality had failed Tamerlan. He was angry, withdrawn, bigoted, poorly educated, given to conspiracies, increasingly fundamentalist, and ultimately convinced that violence was the personal and righteous response to a tawdry, immoral world.

Tsarnaev became an ardent reader of jihadist websites and extremist propaganda, two U.S. officials said. He read Inspire magazine, an English-language online publication produced by al-Qaida’s Yemen affiliate.

Tamerlan loved music and, a few years ago, he sent Khozhugov a song he’d composed in English and Russian. He said he was about to start music school.

Six weeks later, the two men spoke on the phone. Khozhugov asked how school was going. “I quit,” Tamerlan said.

“Why did you quit?” Khozhugov asked. “You just started.”

“Music is not really supported in Islam,” he replied.

Aside from the bombs, and the Good Book, what’s the difference between this guy and Michele Bachmann?

[Ryan Lizza] chronicles Bachmann’s enthusiasm for the extreme evangelical teachings of the late Presbyterian Pastor Francis Schaeffer, commonly regarded as having sparked the 1970s rise of the Christian Right. Schaeffer loved visiting Florence, Italy, where his idea of Renaissance ruin is on full display.

Bachmann also adores Schaeffer follower Nancy Pearcey, a prominent creationist whose recent book is “Saving Leonardo: A Call to Resist the Secular Assault on Mind, Morals, and Meaning.” That’s Leonardo as in “da Vinci,” whose famous drawing of “Vitruvian Man” shows a human being inscribed within a perfect circle and a perfect square. The artist made the ungodly error of putting humanity at the center of time and space.

To underscore her right-wing bona fides, here Mrs. Bachmann goes on about global warming:

I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back. Thomas Jefferson told us, having a revolution every now and then is a good thing, and the people — we the people — are going to have to fight back hard if we’re not going to lose our country. And I think this has the potential of changing the dynamic of freedom forever in the United States.

And now, standing on the steps of Congress, she speaks to her Tea Party friends:

You came. And you came to your house. And you came for an emergency house call. And are they going to listen? Oh yeah, oh yeah, they’re going to listen. It was Thomas Jefferson who said a revolution every now and then is a good thing.

This world can not be tolerated any more, you see. But it’s not just that conservatives would throw away humanism and the arts to favor re-making America. It’s also that they routinely reject common reality to favor a cryptic one. The standard we borrow here to measure such irrationality is the conspiracist, Alex Jones.

On his personal twitter feed, [Matt] Drudge predicted that 2013 would be the “year of Alex Jones,” praising his show as “one hell of a broadcast in such homogenized media!” In the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings, Drudge linked to articles on Jones’ website Infowars, including stories that called Boston a “police state” during the manhunt for the alleged perpetrators, and a post accusing the Obama administration of covering up the involvement of a Saudi student who was later declared a victim of the attack . .

Of course. Why not Jones? His Saudi conspiracy/false flag/black ops grifts circulate as the hottest topics among the staunch right. Right up to their government representatives:

A Republican state legislator in New Hampshire is claiming that the United States government is responsible for the Boston Marathon bombing.

State Rep. Stella Tremblay (R-Auburn) posted on conservative talk show host Glenn Beck’s Facebook page Friday that the attack and the subsequent search for suspects was playing out how Beck had suggested. She said the bombings were a plot by the federal government, and included a link to a video from another conservative talk show host Alex Jones, in which Jones also claims the federal government planned the bombing.

And who else was a Jones fan? You know who:

In a bizarre twist befitting a Hollywood conspiracy theory movie, the AP reports today that Boston Marathon bombing suspect Tamerlan Tsarnaev was influenced by conspiracy theories, including Alex Jones’ website Infowars, which has been pushing a narrative that the Tsarnaev brothers were patsies set up by a government cabal to take the fall for the bombing.

Tamerlan “took an interest in Infowars,” according to Elmirza Khozhugov, the ex-husband of Tamerlan’s sister.

For Alex’s part, there’s no need to worry. He’s not at all bothered to learn he inspired a mass murderer.

Jones — whose site has peddled conspiracy theories about the Boston Marathon bombing and suggested that Tsarnaev is innocent — conceded that Tsarnaev “may have actually been a listener.”

“He could be a listener,” Jones said. “It could be true. I’ve talked to the family and most of them are listeners. My show is anti-terrorism and my show exposes that most of the events we’ve seen have been provocateured.”

And other conservative parallels? The war on women. Tamerlan was an authoritarian asshole: he beat his former girlfriend. The domestic assault charge may have had something to do with his delayed American citizenship. He also demanded his wife obey his wishes, forcing her to reject Christianity and match his Muslim fundamentalism.

Tamerlan was also a religious bigot.

. . so then I had a discussion with Tamerlan. And he was basically — he was very passionate about what he was talking about, which was that the Bible was a cheap copy of the Koran, and that the American government used the Bible as an excuse to invade other countries.

Conservatives charge that the Koran is an evil text, that it makes terrorists of its readers. The argument is so doddering it needs a VFW commission and a cane.

It comes to some people that screamy red-faced conservatism, the type that we see on a daily basis, has been unfairly pegged as a home for certain folks. The kinds of citizens that might like to blow things up, for other than sport. Some people are angry at the idea and may be angry enough to bomb you. So we cut to Perfesser Freedom, in the war room, with the blog I.E.D. hammer:

. . there was a theory behind the madness, the Eliminationist Narrative created by Dave Neiwart of Crooks and Liars about an “eliminationist” radical right seeking to dehumanize and eliminate political opposition. It was a play on the over-used narrative of Richard Hofstadter’s “paranoid style” in American politics.

Which is to say ‘They were CHECHEN!?‘

Well then. How dare you, libtards. Also whew. And, nyah you missed me.

. . The Eliminationist Narrative was aided and abetted by an abuse of the term “right-wing” to include groups who are the opposite of conservatism and the Tea Party movement. . . And the Eliminationist Narrative would fail time and time again:

James Holmes
Jared Loughner
The Cabby Stabber
The “killer” of Bill Sparkman . .

So you want to play silly games? Hey no problem! Let’s pretend you people aren’t crazy lunatics. I have no idea who these guys are and I don’t know why they didn’t do these things nowhere in proximity to America, over never, the last 12 months.

• J.T. Ready.

A border militia leader on Wednesday shot and killed four people at a Gilbert home, including a toddler, before committing suicide, sources said.

Sources identified the shooter as Jason “J.T.” Ready, a reputed neo-Nazi who made headlines when he launched a militia movement to patrol the Arizona desert to hunt for illegal immigrants and drug smugglers.

• Wade Michael Page.

On August 5, 2012, Wade Michael Page fatally shot six people and wounded four others in a mass shooting at a Sikh temple in Oak Creek, Wisconsin. Page committed suicide by shooting himself in the head after he was shot in the stomach by a responding police officer. . .

Page had ties to white supremacist and neo-Nazi groups, and was reportedly a member of the Hammerskins. He entered the white power music scene in 2000, becoming involved in several neo-Nazi bands. He founded the band End Apathy in 2005 and played in the band Definite Hate, both considered racist white-power bands by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

• Thomas Caffall.

A county constable was one of three people killed Monday near Texas A&M University when a gun nut opened fire from inside a house he was about to be evicted from.

The 35-year-old gunman, Tres Caffall, died after being shot by SWAT officers during a firefight in College Station that involved as many as 30 shots, witnesses and police said.

Facebook likes:

Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, JOHN WAYNE, S. E. Cupp, I will NOT vote for Obama in 2012., Michele Bachmann, Anything About Guns, Fox News Video, National Rifle Association, BERETTA USA, Americans for Prosperity, Bill O’Reilly, Edmund Burke, Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin for President 2012, Tea Party Patriots, Repeal It Now.

• Terry Smith and Kyle Joekel.

Authorities believe that suspect, Kyle Joekel, 29, may have ties to anti-government groups, in particular a loose organization known as Posse Comitatus that generally doesn’t recognize authority above the level of county sheriff. The name of the group means “power of the county” in Latin, according to the Anti-Defamation League’s website.

Group members refuse to recognize various aspects of federal authority, and some refuse to pay taxes. The group has been associated with citizen militias as well as neo-Nazi organizations.

• The Fort Stewart Four (F.E.A.R.).

A state prosecutor said on Monday that four U.S. soldiers had secret roles in a militia that planned to kill President Obama and take over the Fort Stewart Army base in Georgia, according to a report by the Associated Press.

And:

Prosecutors in rural Long County, near the sprawling Army post Fort Stewart, said the militia group of active and former U.S. military members spent at least $87,000 buying guns and bomb components. They allege the group was serious enough to kill two people — former soldier Michael Roark and his 17-year-old girlfriend, Tiffany York — by shooting them in the woods last December in order to keep its plans secret.

And just this week . .

• Paul Kevin Curtis. He was arrested for sending poison ricin letters to Sen. Wicker and President Obama.

who thinks Ted Nugent should run for President?

— Kevin Curtis Live (@kevincurtislive) May 5, 2012

we the people did not vote him in (nor did we the 1st term) it takes many years (and personal dedication towards TRUTH/JUSTICE)

— Kevin Curtis Live (@kevincurtislive) November 7, 2012

So those dudes don’t exist. But then there are these guys. Given the many many graves, and acres of flesh-and-blood stained pavement, these gentlemen have been impossible to ignore. Yet you read yer typical patriot-blog, and neither their lives nor their achievements seem to be remotely known. At all. Which is odd, to say ‘boo,’ given their ability to espouse really good awesome politics. A conservatism to-be-died-for:

For many years I thought long and hard on these issues and then in 1996 I decided to act. In the summer of 1996, the world converged upon Atlanta for the Olympic Games. Under the protection and auspices of the regime in Washington million s of people came out celebrate the ideals of global socialism. Multinational corporations spent billions of dollars, and Washington organized an army of security to protect these best of all games. Even though the conception and purpose of the so-called Olympic movement is to promote the values of global socialism, as perfectly expressed in the song “Imagine” by John Lennon, which was the theme of the 1996 games — even though the purpose of the Olympics is to promote these despicable ideals, the purpose of the attack on July 27th was to confound, anger and embarrass the Washington government in the eyes of the word for its abominable sanctioning of abortion on demand.

That is Eric Rudolph. He blew up the Atlanta Olympics, killing two and injuring 111.

Rudolph has also confessed to the bombings of an abortion clinic in the Atlanta suburb of Sandy Springs on January 16, 1997; the Otherside Lounge of Atlanta lesbian bar on February 21, 1997, injuring five; and an abortion clinic in Birmingham, Alabama on January 29, 1998, killing Birmingham police officer and part-time clinic security guard Robert Sanderson, and critically injuring nurse Emily Lyons.

And then there’s this guy:

Those who betray or subvert the Constitution are guilty of sedition and/or treason, are domestic enemies and should and will be punished accordingly.

It also stands to reason that anyone who sympathizes with the enemy or gives aid or comfort to said enemy is likewise guilty. I have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic and I will. And I will because not only did I swear to, but I believe in what it stands for in every bit of my heart, soul and being.

I know in my heart that I am right in my struggle, Steve. I have come to peace with myself, my God and my cause. Blood will flow in the streets, Steve. Good vs. Evil. Free Men vs. Socialist Wannabe Slaves. Pray it is not your blood, my friend.

That is Timothy McVeigh, or was. He bombed Oklahoma City, killing 168 and injuring 500. And speaking of cool-beans righteous anger, to get a latent nationalism pulsing through the neck of Dear George Washington . .

Insurrection against the local media

Insurrection against the teachers union and their stranglehold over the next generation

Insurrection against keeping quiet at the dinner table or at your church

Insurrection against the elements that no longer keep quiet about their desire to destroy America, and more important, the limits America was founded to restrict against its government . .

How about that? AARGGH. I would tell you which crayzeefear lawyer-lecture-blogger posted that on his site, vowing to wage war against his political enemies throughout all of 2013. But I don’t want the guy to show up at my door with a bunch of Semtex apologies.