Here it is: The conservative argument pro-death.

Yesterday a fanciful preen at The Federalist spent a great deal of time and energy slathering Bill Buckley all over a screed meant to de-moralize Planned Parenthood. It is really strange. This post is as overwrought as they come. It goes: Fellow rages, Ye Christians, never mind the clinical misandry of pap smears and breast exams, or of dishing contraceptives. The real problem is that the gubmint Mengeles are mounting an attack on…Nature’s Bodily Essence. They are? Okay! But please tell us O Scribe, what is that, exactly? Eh what? You mean to say you’ve never ever heard of DEATH?

Forgive me for withdrawing from the outrage over recent videos released by the Center for Medical Progress. Don’t think I am not repulsed by them. Absolutely, I am. But what inhibits me from declaring my own revulsion is a disquieting belief that whether Planned Parenthood is defunded elides the true issue. Our righteous censure attends mainly to the symptoms of a disease we are loathe to cure.

Humans. DIE.


At this point the yahoos I assume have already taken up cries of ‘hook ’em brains!’, with some excitedly shooting their guns at the ceiling, despite the mysterious appearance of ‘elide’ and the mistaken use of ‘loathe’. Still. Miss Mullarkey is too finicky-smart to give a Kardashian’s ass about pleasing a crowd. Or to care about abortion in particular. Malarkey instead here has got an argument-bone to pick with the arrogance of post-Victorian ways. Though no one else would bother, outside of grad student philosophers, she would like to start a discussion on the wisdom of science. And on the doomed practice of continuing to live. Would you look at this stupid country! America simply refuses to lay down quietly and naturally and, godfully, go and die. Hospitals, are you kidding me?

That hidden root disorder is our denial of mortality. Modern technical prowess drives the defiance with a welcome roster of desperate appliances, from pacemakers and dialysis machines to artificial hearts and lungs.

That dialysis machine you bought your sickly niece? It is a “desperate appliance.” Why do you daily disgrace the young woman with her own life, Uncle? You’d do better to let her linger in pain than leave her hooked up to such a boorish contraption. Who’s with me?

Celebrated technical successes, born of biomedical refusal to accept mortal limits, encourage us to view our bodies as machines that can be rebuilt. Not only do we have synthetic joint replacements—an undeniable boon— but living tissue, as well.

Once a bone is broken that’s it, it’s done. All over. Something like a femur could never be re-built. You can’t simply sit there and grow a proper one, idiots. What do you think you are, a computer? Grow up. And if your own liver happens to fail how stupid would it be to try and put someone else’s in its place? Why can’t you learn to be more polite? Why can’t you accept “mortal limits” even if “doctors” and “research” long ago re-defined such things? You got sick loser, remember? Just die already. Really, you are quite gross.

Hubris prompts us to approach organ transplant with the same ease of conscience that accompanies an old Subaru into the body shop for a new carburetor or a remanufactured manual transmission.

Arrogance beyond description. You think you can just pull into a Kaiser Permanente station and have them bolt on a second-hand lung. What for, incidentally? To go on living for another half-century? A typical caveman only lasted for about 25 years, so what in the world are you doing? Do you even know? Can’t you see?


Once was a teenage gun nut

Steven was a Sigma Chi pledge at Northern Arizona University.

steve jones one

He was also an idiot.

steven-jones two

But that’s legal in America.

steven jones five

One night he got his ass kicked at school. And that made him really mad, so he decided to go get one of his guns.

steven jones three

And now his life is over.

steven-jones four

You know what? Everybody should own a gun.


Re: The Great Clayton Kershaw

Over the last 3 years, in the regular season he’s 53 and 19 with an ERA of 2.14. In the postseason he’s 1 and 5 with an ERA of 4.68. In the last 5 starts in the playoffs, he’s 0 and 5 with an ERA of 6.39.

I seriously doubt there’s any other pitcher in 100 years of playoff history who has lost 5 starts in a row. Anyone who thinks this is just bad luck is a fool.


Heroes of the NRA

Quote Wayne La Pierre:

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

That was Wayne’s NRA-sanctioned answer for how Americans should protect themselves from armed lunatics. In the aftermath of Sandy Hook, it made for some epic political theater. Unfortunately some people have taken LaPierre seriously. Las Vegas last year:

Instead of running away, Wilcox, told his friend he was going to confront the one gunman he could see.
joseph wilcox RIP
Wilcox pulled out the handgun for which he had a concealed weapons permit but that his family says he rarely carried. He approached Jerad Miller, a 31-year-old ex-convict who investigators say walked into Walmart, fired off one round, and told shoppers, “This is a revolution.” His wife, Amanda Miller, 22, was trailing behind, authorities said…

“As soon as he began to confront Jerad Miller with his firearm, Amanda Miller removed her firearm and shot him one time in the ribs area, where he immediately collapsed.”

10 days ago:

Houston police responded to a shooting call around 11:15 p.m. Saturday at a Valero gas station on Jensen Drive at Reid Street in north Houston. Officials say two men jumped another man in the gas station parking lot and took the victim’s Chevrolet pickup truck. Police say a witness then pulled out a gun and began shooting at the suspects, accidentally hitting the carjacking victim in the head.

The victim was transported to a nearby hospital where he remains in stable condition. Police say the witness who shot at the suspects picked up shell casings and left the scene.


A woman with a gun and a concealed-carry license opened fire on a shoplifter Tuesday afternoon as security chased the man out of an Auburn Hills, Mich. Home Depot, the Detroit Free Press reports…

According to police, the shoplifting suspect, a man in his 40s, ran out of the store with security giving chase. He jumped into a dark-colored SUV driven by a second male suspect. As the SUV began to pull away, the 48-year-old woman fired an undetermined number of rounds from her 9mm pistol. Police say the vehicle got away, but may have a flat tire.


Enough of your deadly gun-free zone bullsh*t

It must leave some of these patriots quite giddy when yet another angry loser (right-winger) buys himself a Bushmaster .223 then shoots the hell out of a lot of unsuspecting students, women and children. I mean, how better to demonstrate the futility of gun-free zones? When better than after having America done up in a fresh coat of blood to argue that having more guns is the only way to prevent shootings?

Former US Marshal: Oregon Gunman Chose ‘Gun Free Facility’ with Umpqua Community College

During an October 1 appearance on CNN’s Newroom, former US Marshal Art Roderick said the gunman at Oregon’s Umpqua Community College probably chose his target by knowing it was as gun free-zone and therefore “an easy target.”

Roderick’s exact words: “[The gunman] probably knew that the facility was a gun free facility, [which is] an easy target for these kinds of coward individuals. They know they’re not going to get any response unless they happen to run into security or a campus police officer.”

Here’s our old Le▪Gal In▪sur▪rec▪tion pal [stock quote: arrghh!] William Jacobson:

Time to talk about gun free zones
Lone gunmen have a fondness for places where victims won’t shoot back

A lone gunman went on a shooting rampage at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon, on Thursday morning. Immediately after news broke, an all too familiar political dance started. Without knowing anything about the shooter, how the gun was obtained or any of the facts other than vague reports, pro- and anti-gun control advocates took their standard positions.

Do yourself a favor here and pick up that ‘Without knowing any of the facts’ bit that Bill just threw on the ground. Put it in your backpack for safekeeping. We’re going to pull it out later and look at it in the daylight.

In other mass shootings, the shooters’ motivations have varied, from racism to religion to anti-religion. There has not been a single common theme, except for one.

In almost all mass shooting situations, particularly at schools, the common theme is a gun-free zone, with the shooter being the only one armed person in the building for minutes or longer.

Let’s not forget that the Arm America folks believe Fort Hood was a gun-free zone. This was because the stupid Army wouldn’t construct their arsenals in communal areas and leave the doors open 24 hours a day for everybody to enjoy.

Which reminds me. If we may turn aside for a second there are, in fact, timely lessons that can be learned from shootings. They’re just not the kinds of lessons that fit into a gun nut’s world view. Here’s a bit of history for candidate Ben ‘Bring It On’ Carson to learn from, from the 2009 Fort Hood shooting:

Army reserve Captain John Gaffaney tried to stop Hasan by charging him, but was mortally wounded before reaching him. Civilian physician assistant Michael Cahill also tried to charge Hasan with a chair, but was shot and killed. Army reserve Specialist Logan Burnett tried to stop Hasan by throwing a folding table at him, but he was shot in the left hip, fell down, and crawled to a nearby cubicle…

Base civilian police Sergeant Kimberly Munley, who had rushed to the scene in her patrol car, encountered Hasan in the area outside the Soldier Readiness Processing Center. Hasan fired at Munley, who exchanged shots with him using her 9mm M9 pistol. Munley’s hand was hit by shrapnel when one of Hasan’s bullets struck a nearby rain gutter, and then two bullets struck Munley: the first bullet hit her thigh, and the second hit her knee. As she began to fall from the first bullet, the second bullet struck her femur, shattering it and knocking her to the ground. Hasan walked up to Munley and kicked her pistol out of reach.

It turns out that charging an armed lunatic, with or without a gun, is a dangerous thing to do. A wingnut physician with an apparent fondness for raiding the medicine cabinet wouldn’t fare any better, I’m afraid. You will also note in the first shooting, as in the second

Fort Hood MP Hailed As Hero For Confronting Shooter

As investigators try to determine why Army Spc. Ivan Lopez would open fire on his fellow soldiers at Fort Hood, Texas, stories are emerging about the harrowing minutes on the post Wednesday and what are being described as the heroic actions of the military police officer who confronted the gunman.

CNN writes that “the military policewoman has not been identified, but by all accounts, she risked her life to ensure the bedlam wrought by Spc. Ivan Lopez came to a close.”

…that Fort Hood was not remotely a gun-free zone. But if you simply must ignore that it’s crawling with policemen, both civilian and military, go right ahead. Speaking of which, back to Willie:

Gun-free zones achieve the opposite of what is intended. Rather than making good people safer, it puts them at the mercy of the evil people.

So what is to be done? Should we do away with gun-free zones, particularly at schools?

That certainly seems to be the lesson.

That’s the lesson. We really needed someone at Umpqua Community College to be armed. We really needed somebody to step forward and stop this madman from killing any more people. That’s the answer to the chronic problem of mass shootings.

This is a terrific argument except for a small fact. Except for a lingering truth that plenty of people know full well, but that gun nuts can’t bring themselves to even check upon before opening their mouths. Umpqua Community College is NOT a gun-free zone.

Everyone with a concealed firearms license is allowed to bring guns on campus.

That is because a 1989 Oregon law forbids any public body except the Legislature from restricting the rights of concealed weapons permit-holders to bring guns where they wish…

Oregon gun owners with concealed firearms licenses know those licenses entitle them to carry loaded guns in nearly all public places.

About one in 16 Oregon adults have such licenses, Oregon State Police figures indicate.

As many as 250,000 people in Oregon have the right to carry a gun onto the Umpqua campus. Every day some of them do. And on the day of the shooting, as usual, they were there.

John Parker, a 36-year-old Army veteran studying to become a drug and alcohol counselor, is among the UCC students who hold weapons permits and bring guns to campus. He had his gun and his license with him on campus Thursday when the shooting took place.

He was in the college’s veterans center, just a few buildings away from Synder Hall, with some other students who were similarly permitted and armed, he told The Oregonian/OregonLive.

A college employee talked them out of leaving to try to use their guns to save others. The active shooter could have taken them down first. Law enforcement officers already on the scene would not have known their guns would be used to defend students and instructors, not hurt them, he said.

“If we would have run across the field, we would have been targets,” he said. “We made a good choice at the time.”

No argument with that. And might I add? There are some close-to gun-free zones in the world, but they’re not anywhere near here. They’re in Australia. And in Japan. And in Holland. Those countries have places where you may not bring guns into, and inside of them the odds of you being shot are close to zero.

And that’s a fact. A sad fact. Which leaves the gun nuts yelling at us from a strange place, with a curious argument: Because our Constitution allows some people to be armed some of the time, we must all be armed all of the time. There’s just no other way to be safe, they tell you. That is fucking stupid.


My Mom Is a Gun Nut

Chris Mercer was a young man with Aspergers who lived with his mother.

Laurel Harper, a nurse who shared an apartment with her son Chris Harper Mercer, spoke openly about her love of guns, said the mother of one of her patients.

“She said she had multiple guns and believed wholeheartedly in the Second Amendment and wanted to get all the guns she could before someone outlawed them,” Shelly Steele, who hired Harper to provide care for her sickly teenage son, told The News in an exclusive interview Saturday.

chris mercer with best friend

In September of 2014, a woman who appears to be Laurel Harper, the mother of deceased alleged Oregon shooter Chris Harper Mercer, responded to a Facebook comment thread about laws allowing the open carrying of firearms…

“And when the mood strikes, and as long as we’re tossing around brand names, I sling an AR, Tek-9 or AK over my shoulder, or holster a Glock 21 (not 22), or one of my other handguns, like the Sig Sauer P226, and walk out the door. I find the shotguns are a little too cumbersome to open carry. ”


The Volokh Gunspiracy

Here really comes the silly. Something this entirely daft coming from Fred Thompson’s biggest fan, of all people, is a little surprising one would think. One would, or he might, but then let’s thank the Lord that one is only a single person. I mean so few people in our world being so plainly dumb, really aren’t we lucky?

After various highly publicized shootings, those of us who are skeptical about gun controls are often asked: So what are we suggesting should be done about the shootings? If we’re not suggesting gun controls…the argument goes, we’re not taking gun tragedies seriously.

Now feast your eyes upon Eugene Volokh. Because he’s going to take this latest mass shooting seriously. And there he goes! Squinching his face! Look!

Every day, about 30 people are killed in the U.S. in gun homicides or gun accidents (not counting gun suicides or self-inflicted accidental shootings). And every day, likely about 30 people are killed in homicides where the killer was under the influence of alcohol, plus alcohol-related drunk driving accidents and alcohol-related accidents where the driver wasn’t drunk but the alcohol was likely a factor…

So what are we going to do about it? When are we going to ban alcohol? When are we going to institute more common-sense alcohol-control measures?

Intoxicating liquids vs. lethal weapons. Could anybody possibly imagine a more insightful comparison? Hey people why can’t a free man have a Whiskey Sour AND a Krupp Howitzer? [*folds arms, raises brow, pushes tongue in cheek. tongue lingers but tries hard to get ahead at work, save money, woo tonsil, land low-interest loan to build modern design argument with split-level stupid.*] Eugene ventures off to wrestle this housefly and comes back much the wiser:

Well, we tried, and the conventional wisdom is that the cure was worse than the disease — which is why we went back to a system where alcohol is pretty freely available, despite the harm it causes.

If we banned all the guns – which is what no one nowhere wants, but let’s stay with Euge’ here because this is deadly serious, for him – then America would find itself in another Roaring Twenties. You’d see the Italians selling bathtub munitions on every street corner, and nobody would be able to sleep for the racket F. Scott and Zelda kept kicking up at that Shooteasy next door. And is that what all you people really want? Readily, cheaply available Mitragliatrices and angry zingers? Early Post World War One Period Post Art Nouveau Art Deco?!

Sanity please, let’s not pretend we could ever ban all the guns it isn’t possible. What’s that, mate? OUR REGARDS TO YOUR AL CAPONE.


The Establishment Candidate

He’s an outsider. A bona-fide rebel. Of course, he’s a Republican. He’s a quiet man with a quiet way, and he carries a two-ton chip on his shoulder. Because the world is spinning out of his control dammit. And like any decent patriot, he owns a crapload of guns. Don’t think for a second that when the time comes, America, he’ll be afraid to use them.

And just who is this Man? Who would this GOP heartthrob be? Who is the next great American, this maybe-President of the United States? Would it be Marcus Bachmann? Could it be Kenny Chesney? Is it Vin Freaking Diesel?

No, you silly. It’s the Roseburg massacre guy, Chris Harper Mercer.

Mercer conservative killer

And where exactly do you think we should fit ‘Right-Winger’ on the Autism spectrum? Was Harper even more a gun nut than Adam Peter Lanza? Was he even more anti-immigration than Wade Michael Page? Was he even more grassroots-conservative than John Russell Houser? Wow, the thorny questions we’re left with. Maybe we should just lock up all the Republicans and the ammosexuals. You know, just to be safe…



The latest bout of domestic terrorism has left the Breitbart staff in something of a frenzy. They’re ripping off their shirts and checking up and down for bullet holes. And the few who aren’t arguing that the scar they got in an episode of Battlestar Galactica: Mom’s Garage should count are falling to their knees and crying out “THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD…”

In one of several consecutive Facebook posts, Carson urges his millions of followers to change their Facebook photograph to an image of a hashtag: #IAmAChristian. The other Facebook photograph shows Carson holding up a piece of paper with the words “I am a Christian” written on it.

Carson waaah

“Please consider changing your profile picture to honor the victims and their families,” Carson writes under the one with the hashtag photograph.

There are so few Christians in this country, you understand. They’re constantly being singled out for President, or porn star, or CEO. Or Oklahoma City Bomber.

A third post gives a more detailed message from Dr. Carson explaining his thought process behind the slogan:

Today, many of your questions were in regards to the sorrowful event that took so many precious lives in Oregon yesterday. We don’t have all the details yet, but as time passes more are coming out. Millions of people are posting pictures of themselves declaring they are Christians in support of the victims and their families.

Millions of people are now proudly exclaiming #IAmAChristian before/since I posted this. Won’t you acknowledge my Twitter/leadership? How ’bout this sign my intern made? You, dear reader, are getting sleepy SLEEEEEPY. Ben Carson is a crafty crazy person. Hey ISIS, look out.

SHOCK: LA Times Labels Black Oregon Shooter as White Supremacist!!!

The Los Angeles Times has labeled the Oregon shooter as having “white supremacist leanings” even though the shooter was black… Quoting an alleged anonymous source in law enforcement, the paper wrote, “A federal law enforcement source familiar with the investigation said, though, that authorities had obtained some of Harper-Mercer’s writings, as well as a note he left behind, suggesting that he supported white-supremacist causes and opposed organized religion.”

SHOCK. Breitbart can’t quite bring themselves to believe this ‘White Supremacist’ label. As if it were some sort of threat, or insult. As if some fatmouth liberal asshole were talking about one of their own. That’s pretty much everything you need to know.


E-mail to a friend

I’m not holding out for my Dodgers to do anything in October.

Paper tigers.

They’ve lost 7 of their last 9. They’ve given up 50 runs in those games. Now they’re going to San Francisco to face the Giants, where they’re 0 and 6 this year.

They’re a terrible road team. The Tampa Bay Rays are in last place in the AL East, and the Detroit Tigers are last in the AL Central. Both have better road records than the Dodgers.

They’re terrible against good teams. They’re 2 and 5 against the Cardinals, 1 and 5 against the Pirates, 6 and 9 against the Giants, 1 and 3 against the Rangers and 0 and 3 against the Astros.

They have two consistent hitters – Ethier and Gonzales. Gonzales is hitting .247 since the all-star break. Everybody else is spotty or injured, or both. Your starting catcher and starting center fielder are hitting well below .200 since the all-star break. In their last 10 games, the two have combined for a grand total of 5 hits. Pederson is hitting .094 and Grandal is hitting .071.

They have two consistent pitchers. Outside of that, they have one reliever who is effective – Jansen. And he’s not nearly as good as he was two years ago, when he could throw 95 or 96 mph. Now he barely hits 91. Brett Anderson was supposed to be your third starter, but he’s 0 and 2 in his last two starts with an ERA of 11.42. Alex Wood gave up 8 runs in his last start, for an ERA of 13.50. Mike Bolsinger has lasted 4 innings in his last three starts and given up 14 runs.

I should also mention that Kershaw isn’t very good when he gets to the playoffs. His lifetime record in the postseason is 1 and 5, with an ERA of 5.12. Might as well stock up on beer my man because it’s going to be a bad post-season…


Clayton Bigsby raises his fist and cries out ‘CHRIST POWER’

Is it really 2015? Because lately it feels more like, I don’t know. The early twentieth century.

The aspiring anti-Semitic senator is Robert Ransdell, a longtime white supremacist who has spoken at KKK-type rallies and is affiliated with the National Alliance…

with jews we lose

“Only about a month until I am on the air, mainstream radio, primed to start a legitimate ‘conversation’ about race, as in a racially conscious White man letting loose on the problems we face, that so many of our people are beginning to wake up to.”

‘And where is this?’ you ask. Kentucky. ‘Oh right – Kentucky.’ Yeah well don’t get too puffed up there, Binky Benetton.

Openly anti-Semitic candidates are not as uncommon in the U.S. as one might think, though they are thankfully relegated to the fringes of the discourse.

Okay alright then, sigh. Go ahead lay it on me. Ahem HERE in America…two, three…We Don’t Tolerate Bigots. Oh, really? Izzat so? Yep, that’s right. Well well, Mr. You Ess of Ehh, aren’t you something? Heh yes, well, Dr. King melting pot. And ON the offhand chance – you will pardon me – that one of these terrible people happens to show up, what do you do with them? Duhh umm…do we do with him? Yes. Yeah well, this – you mean, you don’t know? No. What we do is, we relegate him…to…’the fringes.’ Ta-Daaa! ‘The fringes’ was that? Yes. Really? Affirmative. That’s what you do? You heard me. And you’re serious? I am, most surely. To…’the fringes’?

Todd then asked Carson, whose rise in the polls has been powered in large part by Christian conservatives, if he believed that “Islam is consistent with the Constitution.”

“No, I don’t, I do not,” he responded, adding, “I would not advocate that we put a Muslim in charge of this nation. I absolutely would not agree with that.”

Ben Carson is as openly bigoted as that Kentucky Jew-hater.

carson catches fire

And he’s currently polling in second place. Right behind…Donald Trump.

“Can you imagine supporting or being comfortable if a Muslim ever became president of the United States?” Todd asked Trump.

“I can say that, you know, it’s something that at some point could happen. We’ll see. You know, it’s something that could happen…I mean, some people have said it already happened, frankly.”


Pity about poor Mohamed though. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

Let’s be fair.

While I thought the case of 14 year-old Ahmed was unfortunate and sad, I also thought it altogether straightforward. He brought a homemade clock to school, and the teachers overreacted. They called the police and Ahmed was taken from the campus in handcuffs.

To me, it was tragic. And I had absolutely no reason to think there was anything suspicious in the story. Americans sometimes assume the worst about Muslims, that’s hardly breaking news. But now I’m seeing all sorts of questions being raised about Mohamed, the alleged ‘victim’. And this supposed ‘clock’.

The Real Story of #IStandWithAhmed

The hubbub surrounding Irving, Texas 14-year-old MacArthur High School student Ahmed Mohammed continues apace, with the President of the United States inviting him to the White House…

There’s only one problem: the whole story smells. It stinks of leftist exploitation.

People are apparently using the story to, exploiting this kid for, uhh seizing upon the blunder by…hmm. Could one of you sleuths fill me in?

Here’s what we know. On Monday, Mohammed brought a homemade clock to school. For those who don’t know the ins-and-outs of electronics, the device looked like a possible incendiary device.

Oh Thank God for Breitbart’s electromagnetics beat writers. I would have looked at the clock and simply thought ‘a clock’. Lucky for us they know better: It Really Looks Like A Bomb. Well, you’re the experts. And thank Providence that the Irving school district requires English teachers to have previous experience with timed explosives. I mean, what if nobody had arrested this kid? He’d have fooled everybody into thinking it looked like what it really was – a clock. He’d have gotten away with it.

Ahmed told the media that he made the clock last weekend and brought it to school to show his engineering teacher…He didn’t explain that to police, however, according to the authorities. And he didn’t just show the device to his engineering teacher. In fact, the engineering teacher told him not to carry the device around after…Why was the device in English class in the first place..? When confronted by police and his English teacher, why didn’t Mohammed just tell them to talk to the engineering teacher?

Clearly there’s something wrong with this young man. Ben recounts how the cops found him “passive aggressive” and evasive, and he wouldn’t even tell them what the clock was for (…telling time.). And this:

And according to the cops, Ahmed was significantly more cooperative with friendly media than with the police who came to ask some simple questions.

He’s a drama queen to boot. It figures, right? And his Dad’s an “anti-Islamophobia media gadfly” so obviously this whole affair was planned. C’mon – think about it for a second. Just how hard would it be to fool Texas cops into arresting a teenage Muslim? Sheesh. You can make these little schemes as complicated as you like, moonbats, but you’re still not gonna sneak one past these people. You’re certainly not fooling Sarah Palin:

Yep, believing that’s a clock in a school pencil box is like believing Barack Obama is ruling over the most transparent administration in history. Right. That’s a clock, and I’m the Queen of England.

Though that really is a pencil box, and an actual clock, Eskimope Parkaboobs here thinks that – hold on a second, the Queen Of England?! The WHAT?? But I thought you were from Ala…ooohh, I get it.

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