Mitch McConnell is a very good and honest man.

If the Senate’s anti-Constitutionalist Republicans aren’t beginning to feel the heat, then what’s this?

After Obama’s sneaky Supreme Court nomination of a very measured, moderate, lukewarm-tea-at-high-noon-with-Philippe-Petit-downtown-in-the-cafe-Piliers-du-Retenue centrist, Merrick Garland, these TV ramblings of Mitch McConnell’s that appear to be his feelings and opinions – though no sensible person certainly would ever assume he had anything to do with them, heavens, given the brazen unabashedness and feral abandonment denoted, though we just saw McConnell’s jowls bobbing along in humdrum synchronization – would have to be understood later, in somewhat sobriety, and in Christ’s good name, to be odd. Peculiar, perhaps. Strange.

In response to a question from host Chris Wallace, who asked if Senate Republicans would consider the nomination of Judge Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court after the election if Hillary Clinton prevails, McConnell responded that he “can’t imagine that a Republican majority in the United States Senate would want to confirm, in a lame duck session, a nominee opposed by the National Rifle Association [and] the National Federation of Independent Businesses.”

What a wonderful guy. You can ask Mitch McConnell what he personally thinks about the politics of the day but he’s too much a gentleman to answer. However he will note that there are some people other people call “Republicans” – not that he’s got anything to do with them, mind you, don’t make that mistake – and that, if he recalls correctly, those people currently comprise what political philosophers call a “majority” in some kind of hazy political institution. Which incidentally would be…what? The “United States Senate”? Hey kudos to this Mitchell person, he knows some seriously trivial stuff.

Judging by his tone, not to mention his humility, and if his memory serves, which it does so aren’t we lucky, the entrenched politicians within that “Senate” are a far-flung and powerful bunch of people, cantankerous and unpredictable as hell, to such extent that there’s no point in us talking sense to them, or about them, or predicting what they might do (except in this case). Not that he would ever deign to criticize them, no – your man Mitch would never dare to impugn so august a body, certainly not by implying he has ever been aware of it, or had some sort of relationship with it, or is currently running it as the Majority Leader after having been elected to it five times and serving within it for thirty one years. Nor would genteel Mitch ever suggest that he had called up, bullied over, bloodied up, directed to connive, consort and conspire with or received manifold manic-monkey blowjobs from the likes of “the National Rifle Association [and] the National Federation of Independent Businesses” inside the Wade Hampton men’s room, off the breezeway from Statuary Hall, as part of his sterling “service” to our country.


Crazy about politics

Sarah Palin is beyond my human understanding.

Sarah Palin canceled a campaign stop for Donald Trump in Florida on Monday after her husband Todd was injured in a snowmobile crash in Alaska.

A source told NBC News that Todd Palin was in “a very serious” crash Sunday night and is currently hospitalized in intensive care.

In a brief unplanned appearance before Trump’s afternoon event in Tampa, Palin referenced the “little wreck” and thanked audience members for their prayers.

Her husband Todd gets in a “little wreck” (très macho bullshit) and she won’t even go home to check on him? What the heck, he’s only in the intensive care. There are a whole bunch of Trump fans waiting for her to speak! She’s going to call the pesky Black Lives Matters protestors “punk ass”! Woo hoo! She’s insane.


No. It’s pronounced Fronkensteen.

If you were to take some time out of your day, or out of your job, and listen to many of the Republicans now – without resorting to your Hillary-style cackling and interrupting them – you’d find out that these good folks are far too suave and classy to have had anything to do with the ascendance of Donald Trump, the GOP’s presidential candidate.

‘Don’t blame me‘ they say, seriously. They would never vote for him. ‘We can’t have this guy in the Oval Office’ they tsk-tsk. Just listen to that, they almost sound sane. ‘Trump’s just, horrible.’ Indeed – these people are almost…believable. Listen to poor ‘Chuck’ at Althouse’s blog:

But get ready for it, my fellow Trump-hating Republicans; the Donald Trump phenomenon will be made to be our fault. Notwithstanding the fact that we didn’t produce him, we don’t like him and he doesn’t represent us.

How sincere he sounds. You almost want to let him off the hook. Commenter ‘Amanda’ isn’t buying it:

Chuck, he is the Republican’s fault and he sure as hell does not represent Democrats. All those years of demonizing Obama and fear mongering about him being a scary black socialist and an ‘uber president’ made by your party created a climate in which the monster could thrive.

And there’s the counter. Is our Chuck merely being oblivious? Is he in fact to blame for Trump? Over the years did he and his pals create an atmosphere of spiraling panic and negro-phobia that’s now gotten so bad Republicans can’t produce a sensible candidate? He says:

Amanda I want to thank you sincerely, from the heart of my bottom, for proving my point in the first comment more effectively than I could have imagined.

Let’s just all recall together that Mitch McConnell calmly pledged to try to make Barack Obama a one-term president. And the Wall Street Journal Editorial Page, the National Review and the Weekly Standard all calmly and steadfastly criticized Obama policies. Without slipping into “birtherism” and “secret Muslim” fantasies. Like, uh, somebody else we’ve gotten to know a bit better of late.

Chuck backs up his don’t-look-at-me by asking us to “all recall together” Mitch McConnell’s calm and kindly pledge to nullify the first black president’s administration. Yes, I do remember that, as well as the rank-and-file’s parallel war whoops to impeach Barack early in the first year of his first term, without cause or reservation. How gracious, reasonable and utterly unlike Donald Trump – thanks for the reminder. If that wasn’t courtly and civilized behavior, I don’t know what is.

Then he asks us to remember the way right-thinking intellectuals “calmly and steadfastly criticized Obama policies… Without slipping into ‘birtherism’ and ‘secret Muslim’ fantasies.” And he commends the National Review. But is it true? Here’s their Jim Geraghty working through all the understandable reasons why Obama hadn’t yet let anyone see his double-secret birth certificate:

Rumor one: Obama was born in Kenya. Rather unlikely… However, if it were true, it would probably raise a major question of “does he qualify as a natural-born citizen”? If Obama were born outside the United States, one could argue that he would not meet the legal definition of natural-born citizen…

Rumor Two: Obama’s middle name is not “Hussein” but “Muhammad”… It is theoretically possible, if not plausible, that Obama changed his name at some earlier point in his life, as he was sorting out his issues of culture and identity…if you’re going to change your middle name from that of the central figure in Islam because you fear controversy, picking the last name of the highest-profile anti-American dictator in the Middle East (Saddam) doesn’t seem like a huge improvement.

That’s not trafficking in ‘birtherism’, it’s just discussing a certain political thing. Jim never said there were good reasons to believe Obama was an African hustler who perpetrated the greatest constitutional fraud in our history. Jim merely said that if for some reason his birth certificate actually does exist there were good reasons to believe nobody will ever see it. Chuck told you what a class act his buddies were, right?

Well at least nobody at the belles-lettres shops ever called the President a ‘secret Muslim.’ That sort of race-baiting is way beneath them. Here’s Andrew McCarthy choreographing the Klan-kabuki of the clumsy proles:

…under a mainstream interpretation of Islamic law, President Obama would be considered to be a Muslim… Islamic law holds that a child’s faith is deemed to be Islam if his father is a Muslim, regardless of the faith of his mother… Under Indonesian law at the time, if a child was adopted before the age of six by an Indonesian male, he qualified for Indonesian citizenship. The evidence suggests that Lolo Soetoro adopted Barack Jr… Obama/Soetoro also attended a Catholic school, the records of which identify him as both an Indonesian and a Muslim… Soetoro often attended mosque on Fridays, the Muslim Sabbath, and young Barry occasionally accompanied him… One former teacher claimed that Barry took part in advanced Islamic religious classes, studying “mengaji” — i.e., the effort to recite the Koran in Arabic… We also know that in 2007, then-Senator Obama told the Times’ Nicholas Kristof that the muezzin’s Arabic call to prayer was “one of the prettiest sounds on earth at sunset.”

Nice to know Obama thought the “muezzin’s Arabic call to prayer was one of the prettiest sounds on earth.” What a terrific story. That’s not the sort of personal anecdote that would compel some Americans to take out their shooting irons and load them with Islam-shot. What are such tidbits of a man’s biography for if not honing the perceptions of the most erudite and cosmopolitan people in the world?

Trump’s candidacy has certainly placed the noble right in a difficult situation. It’s hard not to feel for the exasperated Chucks of this world.

Amanda, the conservatives with whom I ally, are guilty of none of the sins you allege. Trump supporters are on their own.

Carrying themselves in so sophisticated a manner all these tatty years hasn’t convinced other Republicans to come ’round to their way of politicking. You’d think such a heady brand of elegance and decorum would have impressed somebody by now, even if that certain someone thought himself yuuugely classy already.


The Glass Joe campaign

Remember the first fighter you had to take on in Nintendo’s Punch Out? You could wink at the flighty Frenchman Glass Joe and he’d go down like a ton of bricks. He wasn’t as remotely resilient as, say, Von Kaiser, the krafty kraut, or Piston Honda. As a result he took a vicious braining every time he stepped in the ring. And yet day or night, whenever you turned the game on, he was there. Ladies and gentlemen, Gllaaasss Jooooe.

Presidential hopeful Marco Rubio is downplaying his performance in the four states that held GOP caucuses marco rubioor primaries on Saturday…

“Here’s the bottom line,” Rubio said. “There will be more delegates awarded in Florida than basically any other state that voted tonight combined. It’s a winner-take-all state… I’ve explained repeatedly this is a proportional process and every night that we have caucuses like there were tonight in three states, we continue to pick up delegates.”

Did Rubio just say ‘Florida’? Who is he kidding?

Donald Trump 44.7
Marco Rubio 26.0
Ted Cruz 12.3
John Kasich 8.3
Ben Carson 4.7

It may be his home state but he’s going to get slaughtered. You can bet that at 7:01 p.m. on March 16th Donald Trump will very publicly point and laugh at Florida’s junior senator, the little loser. Maaaarrco Ruuuubiooo…


Why Jonah Hates Donald

We know what Jonah Goldberg is trying to do. We just don’t know why.

Is it because he’s threatened by Trump somehow? Would President Donald shut down the wingnut welfare gravy train? Will Jonah have to wait tables for a living? Or dig ditches? Would the Donald take to the Rose Garden and call him a schweinhund? Will the sublime name of ‘Goldberg’ become kaput? And then his charming mother have to yell at him over the phone? Or worse? Would Trump do something somehow worthwhile, like take on the problem of childhood obesity? Will Mountain Dew become aqua non grata? Will Burn Blazin’ Jalapeno Cheetos be declared an enemy of the state?

Why Jonah is so scared of Trump is a mystery. But I do enjoy hearing him list all the reasons why Donald is a disheveled low-class gasbag with orts of potato-chip bedazzling his goatee.

This attempt to cow the Trump campaign however is…how should we say it? Fairly low-energy. Falling somewhat short of the mark. I would not say that Jonah is firing on all his three cylinders here. It would be fairer to say our hero looks like a man stabbing the air with his right fist while gazing at the mirror in his left:

…why, more importantly, I find Trump-mania so dismaying. Every day, if not every hour or every few minutes, someone is telling me my motivations for why I’m against Trump. I’m self-aware enough to grant that many of the common explanations might have some merit (not counting the constant anti-Semitic ones).

Fans of Trump keep sending e-mails to Jonah and calling him a dirty Jew. Does he have the courage to answer them back? To take them on? Hazard yourself a blobby guess.

For instance, many say I’m being a snob. And truth be told, snobbishness might be part of it. After all, I think Trump is a low-class guy.

Of course not. Jonah would never say the Trumpers are ‘racists’, they’re what you call ‘rubes’. I know some of you feel that racism in and of itself is low-class but then…


…you don’t really understand politics, do you? Otherwise you’d know why that old diagonal-striped flag is a cultural hallmark and that old internecine brouha a War Of Northern Aggression. Jonah’s pals do not do bigotry, double-plus true-balls no backsies.

I’ll be as honest as I can about why I dislike Trump. A big part of it is I think he’s a fraud. I think he’s part of the grand and glorious tradition of bunk artists in American history.

This is where Mooom, Lucianne, steps into the frame. She licks the fingers of her hands, fusses over the cowlick in his hair, then pins a direct deposit sheet to his lapel. The faint honking of National Review’s short bus can be heard outside.

The thing I don’t find amusing is that he’s an insecure bully. He really does strike me as Biff from Back to the Future (Part II).

Was Biff’s dad a war veteran?

…I don’t mean to belittle or demean the heroic efforts and sacrifices of those who served in World War II. But the idea that a whole generation deserves credit for what only some did is little more than an attempt to buy glory on the cheap…

If he was all he did was shoot a few Nazis, in the face. So why on Earth are we buying him a house, huh? And a college education? Why can’t he do something manly and worthwhile for his country like type words that accuse True Blood of being an anti-semitic homoerotic conspiracy?

First the whole original storyline is about how Bill Compton is different than other vampires because he’s noble and decent… Second, try to make that kind of “it’s not all gays” or “it’s not all blacks” or (outside of the Middle East, U.N. or, increasingly, MSNBC) “it’s not all Jews” argument without sounding bigoted…

Slamming veterans and gays. Now that takes courage.

[Trump’s] cheap macho posturing and boasting is simply tacky. I see him as a sad and insecure man. And what I truly find so depressing is that millions of Americans see the same blowhard overcompensation and mistake it for strength.

…as does pulling a ding-dong ditch on The Donald, who dear please maybe might not knock his teeth out. You can’t question Jonah’s spine, because his daughter is out back blowing bubbles with it. He’s not a let’s-pretend-the-vampires-are-disaffected-queers type.

And, third, let me explain something else: Shut up.

You tell those fags.


Rubio chokes under pressure (again)

The Rubiobot lives.

In anticipation of a contentious Monday-night Fox News segment discussing immigration with Bill O’Reilly Senator Marco Rubio decided to arm himself with this sharply whetted declaration: It Depends On What The American People Are Willing To Support.

I think he was well-rewarded for his efforts, don’t you?

Before Monday night there were some who wondered if the Ruborg weren’t a buggy technological achievement of the conservative steampunk underground. Now I’m afraid there’s no doubt.


I’m a driver I’m a winner. Things are gonna change…

…I can feel it.

COLUMBIA, S.C. — Jeb Bush, who sought to join his father and brother in winning the White House, suspended his campaign for the presidency Saturday night after a long year-long slide in the polls and a disappointing showing in the South Carolina primary…

“Tonight I am suspending my campaign.”

If you’re wondering why ¡Jeb! never caught ¿fire? with the voters here’s a hint:

“I congratulate my competitors that are remaining on the island.”

He just. Said that.

Please clap.


A mean individual stranded in a limousine

Trump, the Punisher.

General Pershing was a rough guy…

If you’re going to run a presidential campaign on the future degradation, denigration and murder of oh about a billion people this would be a good way to get your message out.

He caught 50 terrorists who did tremendous damage…and he took the 50 terrorists and he took 50 men and dipped 50 bullets in pig’s blood. You heard about that? He took 50 bullets and dipped them in pig’s blood. And he has his men load up their rifles and he lined up the 50 people and they shot 49 of those people. And the 50th person, he said, you go back to your people and you tell them what happened. And for 25 years there wasn’t a problem.

You have to admire that sort of viciousness. Next-President Trump isn’t telling white people that he’ll hate the haters, or terrorize the terrorists. He’s telling them that he’ll send the Arabs to Muslim hell – when he executes them. This is like vowing to hang troublesome Jews with a rope wound of pig gut. Or promising to deal with the Hindu Problem by carving out their hearts with a knife ground from an ox skull. It’s Medieval.


Shooting Republican fish in thimble-barrels

Not only are Republicans dim they’re quite stunningly slapdash fuckall brainless stupid.

“Well we have 80 years of precedent of not confirming Supreme Court justices in an election year.”

You are wrong.

“80 years not confirming…he was confirmed in ’87.”

You have become dangerously unsound…please refrain from talking.

Watch Debate Moderator Attack Ted Cruz Over His CORRECT Scalia Answer (VIDEO)

This was amazing…

Cruz rightly pointed out it’s been precedent for 80 years not to do this… Dickerson said he wanted to get the “facts” out there. There’s only one problem.

Cruz was right. Anthony Kennedy was nominated in November 1987. He was confirmed in 1988.

It IS amazing. The way Ted Cruz somehow ends up CORRECT after having CONFIRMED he is, in fact, Bungholio-élan stupid. Senator Lee pipes up:

Justice Anthony Kennedy. Confirmed on February 3rd, 1988. Appointed February 18th, 1988.

Justice Frank Murphy. Confirmed January 16th, 1940. Appointed February 5th, 1940.

Justice Benjamin Cardozo. Confirmed February 15th, 1932. Appointed March 14th, 1932.

Justice John Clarke. Confirmed July 24, 1916. Appointed October 9th, 1916.

Justice Louis Brandeis. Confirmed June 1st, 1916. Appointed June 5th, 1916.

By my count there are about nineteen more. Do be mindful though that the first hundred ninety-seven years of America don’t matter! It’s the last twenty-eight that count skree! Skree!

Breaking: Chuck Grassley is disgusting.

Judiciary chair: ‘Standard practice’ to not confirm SCOTUS nominee in election year

It is “standard practice” to not confirm nominations to the Supreme Court in an election year, Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) said Saturday, following news of the death of Justice Antonin Scalia.

As a result, he said the Senate shouldn’t confirm President Obama’s nominee to replace Scalia.

“The fact of the matter is that it’s been standard practice over the last 80 years to not confirm Supreme Court nominees during a presidential election year,” Grassley said.

Look at the bastard:

Previous - Next